[Requested by anon : Can I request a Jongdae scenario where he showers you with love. Even if no one else has ever loved you like this and you don't know how to reciprocate? You feel unlovable but he shows you different.]
Pairing : Kim Jongdae / Reader
Genre : Fluff, Light Angst, College! AU
I kept my head down as I walked down the bustling sidewalk, weaving through the wave of people coming from the opposite direction. I looked up momentarily to see if I was going the right way, the sun hitting my eyes as I did so. I squinted as I looked back down before looking up once more, shaking my head slightly to get rid of the dots that danced in my vision due to the sun. I could see the little cafe at the end of the block, sighing in relief at being able to finally get out of this heat. I quickened my pace, thankful that the cafe had the ac on full blast the moment I opened the door. As soon as I was inside I immediately started scanning the place, seeing a familiar blonde sitting in the back. I started making my way over to him, keeping my face blank as I had already started thinking about heading back home. As much as I wanted to I knew I couldn’t, we had to start the project right away if we wanted to finish it on time.
“Y/N! Over here!” The blonde yelled out and waved frantically as if I wasn’t already walking over to him.
I kept my face blank as I waved slightly, failing as I frowned at the unwanted attention he drew from his shouts. I picked up my pace and hurriedly sat down, sighing in relief when he finally stopped yelling across the cafe. I said a small ‘hi' before pulling out my notebook, flipping through the pages.
“I didn’t know how you liked it so I just got you a regular iced Americano.” He said, his voice interrupting my page flipping.
I paused mid flip, looking at the cup he had set in front of me with furrowed eyebrow. How did he know I even like iced Americanos in the first place?
“I’ve uh seen you walk into class with one of these in your hand…” He said somewhat nervously, answering my unspoken question.
I nodded in understanding, mumbling a small thanks before taking a sip. I sat there awkwardly drinking my coffee as he made no more attempts to further a conversation. I looked down at my notes, trying to get my mind back on the project we were supposed to be working on. I thought back to all the times I got stuck with partners who slacked off and left me to do all the work, thinking he was the same as I started talking.
“Y’know I don’t mind doing it all myself and giving you some of the credit, it wouldn’t be the first time.” I said, keeping my eyes on the paper, “I can just send you the info when I’m done so you know what to say just in case the professor asks you about something.”
I could tell my statement caught him off guard as it took him a while to respond but when he did I could hear the smile on his face.
“Why would I let you do that? I’ve been waiting to do this project since the beginning of the semester.”
I looked up at him, slightly shocked to see an unfamiliar look shining in his eyes, “O-Okay…”
“Jongdae that’s too much!” I shouted as I watched him add too much potassium.
I turned away as the chemicals reacted badly to one another causing a small explosion. I turned back around to see Jongdae had barely moved away in time, the only damaged done was to his arm hair as they were were burned off. I threw my safety goggles onto the table, ready to scold him.
“You said one liter…” He said sheepishly, rubbing his arm as he avoided eye contact when I stared at him angrily.
“Milliliter.” Was all I said through gritted teeth.
He hung his head as he rubbed the back of his neck, “Sorry.”
I sighed heavily, rubbing my hands over my face as I mumbled to myself, “I knew I should’ve done this myself.”
“Look I said I’m sorry,” He started, already starting to clean up the mess he made.
I said nothing as I let him do it, already trying to recalculate everything in my head. It was a simple experiment, I’ve done it multiple times but it seems Jongdae hasn’t. If I lower the amount of potassium even he’ll be able to do it. As I was thinking this over I felt eyes on me causing me to look up and meet his gaze. He immediately looked away as I rose and eyebrow, wondering what that was all about. I thought nothing of it as I started pouring the chemicals back into the cylinder, this time only pouring .5 ml instead of the full milliliter. I grabbed the flask and replaced it with a new only, filling it back up halfway. I put my glasses back on as I gestured for Jongdae to move back. He went to argue, wanting to be the one to do it but I gave him a look. He closed his mouth and moved back, a worried look on his face. I tried to ignore him as I poured the potassium in slowly.
Everything was going smoothly, silence settled over the two of us, that is until he decided to speak. I was so into pouring the potassium in slowly the sound of his voice startled me a bit, my hand jerking as the entire liquid was dumped in. I didn’t have any time to react as the reaction of the chemicals happened almost immediately. I let out a yelp of pain as I felt the flame on the palm of my hand before it extinguished itself. I cradled my hand to my body as I felt the tears coming to my eyes. I felt Jongdae place his hands on my shoulder as he tried to get a look at my hand. I simply brushed him off, looking down to see the second degree burn on my hand.
“Y/N we need to get you to a hospital…” Jongdae finally said, the worry clear in his voice.
“You think?” I asked sarcastically, watching him frown.
I could feel the skin throbbing painfully as I tried to stop the grimace from forming on my face, “I’m heading over to the ER.”
“No.” I cut him off immediately, sighing at the frown that deepened on his face, “You...stay here. We only have eight more days to get this done and we still haven’t gotten the measurements right.”
“The project can wait.” Was all he said, his eyes glued to my hand.
“No it can’t. With my hand like this I won’t be able to do much so you’ll be the one that does everything in front of the whole class while I do the talking. Stay here and try figuring out the right measurements.” I said firmly, walking out of the room before he got a chance to continue arguing.
“Whoa, what the hell happened to your hand?” My best friend and roommate asked as soon as I walked in, jumping off her bed to come and inspect my bandaged hand.
I sighed heavily, pulling my hand out of her grip, “Kim Jongdae happened.”
“Your partner for your chem project?”
“The very one.” I said with a slightly nod as I turned on my heel and plopped down on my chair.
I spread my legs out as I dug my heels into the carpet, using my heels to move me from side to side in the chair. I hung my head back as I stared up at the ceiling, feeling the pain killers they gave me at the hospital start to kick in.
“Well technically he didn’t.” I interrupted her, leaning my head over to look at her.
She scowled at me, narrowing her eyes as I interrupted her. I mumbled a small sorry, knowing how much she hated my habit of interrupting her.
“Well if he technically didn’t do it then why are you blaming him?”
“Because if he had done it right the first time I wouldn’t have had to step in and do it myself. I mean how do you get a whole liter mixed up with a single milliliter? Does he have too much wax in his ears or what? It’s not that hard to follow instructions.” I rambled on, not hearing the knock on the door.
I sat up quickly at hearing the voice that came from behind the door. I shared a look with Miri, my eyes wide as I heard him call out my name. I shook my head at her vigorously, telling her to not open the door but she already had her hand on the doorknob. As a last resort I ran over to hide behind the door, sighing softly as I made it in time.
“Oh...you must be Y/N’s roommate.”
“Yeah, I’m Miri and you must be the infamous Jongdae I’ve heard so much about.”
I could hear the teasing tone in her voice as I rolled my eyes, cursing her in my head. There was a moment of silence before I heard him clear his throat, the shuffling of his feet coming after.
“Can you, uh, make sure she gets this?” He said, the sound of rustling plastic being heard.
“Yeah sure. I’ll tell her you came around.” Was all Miri said before closing the door.
Before I could even scold her she shoved the bag in my face. I glared at her as I took the bag and opened it up. I stared at the contents of the bag in shock, seeing all my favorite snacks in the bag. I picked up a bag of chips that laid at the top of the pile of snack, my face softening a bit at seeing the note stuck on it.
“Hope you feel better soon...sorry about making you lose your concentration :(“
I walked down the aisles of the library, scanning the spines of the books. I need a certain book to help with our project but I was having a hard time finding it. I knew it was somewhere down this aisle but it was nowhere to be seen. I had been coming back to the library everyday to check if the person had returned it but every time I came back I’d see that it was gone. I groaned in frustration, staring at the empty space in the shelf where the book should be.
In the middle of me looking at the empty space as if the book would reappear if I stared hard enough someone pulled out a book from the other side of the shelf. I stayed frozen in place, my eyes meeting the sharp ones of the man I haven’t seen in a few days. One would think he was one to be intimidated of but all thoughts of him being intimidating vanished as soon as he showed those pearly whites. Not only did he smile with his mouth but his eyes, his whole face lighting up. That smile was the smile I saw now.
“Hi.” He said softly, his eyes shining brightly.
I said nothing for a bit, feeling my cheeks start to heat up the longer he stared. I cleared my throat before looking away, not knowing what to say to him. He chuckled softly and walked away from the opening in the shelf, appearing at the end of the aisle I was in.
“How’s your hand?” He asked, his smile falling slightly at seeing it.
I looked down at my bandaged hand, frowning as well as I remembered that the doctor said it’d leave a pretty big scar, “It’s as okay as it could be I guess.”
We stood there in silence for a minute as I was hyper aware of how intently he was staring at me. My gaze roamed around the space we were in before it settled on my feet.
“Thanks for the...snacks. How did you, um, how’d you know I liked those kinds of chips and candy?” I asked, finally looking up to meet his gaze.
He smiled sheepishly at the question, a small tint of red coating his cheeks ever so slightly, “I’ve uh….I’ve seen you eating them around campus and um, during class too.”
I stared at him, surprised by his answer. There were some snacks in there I hadn’t had since the beginning of last semester...how…? And if I remembered correctly I haven’t had a class with him until this semester. Had I just missed him? Was I too wrapped up in my own little world to notice him? And how did he manage to remember the exact flavor too? Come to think of it he knew what kind of coffee I liked too. He had it ready when we met up for the first time outside of class.
“You’re very...observant…” I said through narrowed eyes, watching him shift uncomfortably under my gaze.
He had on a nervous lopsided grin playing at his lips as he looked down at the books in his arm, “Were you looking for this book?”
The question caught me off guard as he suddenly changed the subject. My surprise grew as he pulled out the book from the pile he had nestled in the crook of his arm. He held it up for me to see, the grin on his face spreading at the look on my face.
“Let me just return it so you could check it back out.” He said, already walking towards the front desk to return to book before I could say anything.
I stood there dumbfounded for a couple of seconds before turning on me heel and following after him. I studied his back as he walked ahead of me, noticing how broad his shoulders were. They weren’t too broad but they were perfect for his body shape, not too small and not too wide. I could see his back flex slightly as he switched the pile of books over to his other arm. I frowned, walking faster to catch up to him and at least take a book to help him out. My hand didn’t let me take more but one was able to make it a lot lighter for him to carry the rest. He was able to protest but I picked up my pace, leaving him behind as I hurried off to the front desk where I set the book down. I looked back to see an unfamiliar look on his face, wait, it wasn’t unfamiliar. I’ve seen it quite a bit; that time at the cafe, that time in class when he came up to me and asked to be my partner, that one night we spent in the lab when we first started the project, yesterday in class and today. I still have yet to figure out what that look meant and why have I only seen him direct it to me.
I stood back per Jongdae’s request as he poured the potassium into the flask, watching the liquids bond perfectly. I let out an excited scream as I walked over to where he was quickly. He put down the cylinder before pushing his safety goggles to rest on the top of his head.
“You did it!” I exclaimed, looking at him with a giant grin on my face.
He mirrored the grin on my face, his eyes shining, “We did it!”
In the spur of the moment, my excitement got the better of me as I flung my arms around his shoulders hugging him tightly. I felt him tense up in my embrace bringing me back to my senses as I quickly pulled away. I knew a blush was starting to crawl onto my cheeks as I realized what I had done. I shifted on my feet awkwardly as I turned back to look at the flask that contained the bonded chemicals. I could feel his stare on the side of my face but I did my best to ignore it as I busied myself with the clipboard I had discarded.
“I-I think this is enough for today. We can try again tomorrow and then get started on our report. We only have two days left before the due date.” I said quickly, gathering my things.
Before I left I turned to him one last time, “Good ,uh, job today,” and with that I turned on my heel and walked out of the lab.
I had gotten about halfway down the hall with how quickly I was walking, my cheeks still red from embarrassment. I can’t believe I just hugged him like. As I was cursing at myself, unaware of the footsteps that followed after me until I felt a hand grab my forearm just as I was about to turn to the corner. I turned back in shock, surprised to see him standing there, breathing somewhat heavily. I stared at him in confusion, watching his face go blank for a second before he shuffled on his feet nervously.
“I-I was wondering if you wanted--if you were hungry we could, uh, y’know go get some lunch...together?” He asked all the while rubbing the back of his neck as his gaze never stayed on one spot for too long.
His eyes met mine as soon as those words left my mouth, his mouth hanging slightly agape. Seeing his reaction I immediately took it back what I said, not knowing why I was disappointed to hear that type of reaction from him.
“Or not. We can go to just celebrate getting everything for the presentation right.” I said hurriedly, watching him shake his head vigorously.
“No, no it--it can be a date...that is if you want.”
A blush rose to his cheeks as he grinned nervously, his eyes shining. At the look in his eyes I felt a blush of my own spread across my own face as I nodded.
“Y/N!” I heard Jongdae yell out as he grabbed at my shoulder quickly before putting himself in the way of the splash created by the car that drove by.
I managed to get some water to splash at my feet but I knew he took most of it causing a frown to form on my face. Jongdae simply grinned, leaning forward to plant a small kiss on my cheek. I couldn’t help but let a blush coat my cheeks, growing speechless by his boldness. Ever since I had said yes to that first date he’s been showering me with affection, I never knew how to respond.
All this love he was showing me was something I’ve never experienced before. Sure I was loved by my friends and family but not like this, not the same way I knew Jongdae loved me. I mean he showed me just how much he did everyday, he told me everyday. Not a day went by where he didn’t tell me he loved me, even if I didn’t see him that day he made sure to either call or text me. But in all this time that we’ve been together...I was never able to muster up a response and I felt horrible for it. It's not that I didn't love him, I did. I loved him so much, more than I’ve ever loved anyone on this earth. He made my day better by simply existing. His smile was able to make a bad day turn into a good one. His laugh, man did I love his laugh. Every time I heard it I felt butterflies erupt in my stomach, my heart growing with love for this one man but I never knew how to show it.
“What’s wrong, love?” He asked, concern swimming in his beautiful brown eyes.
I gave him a half hearted smile before shaking my head, hoping he wouldn’t see through me
Since that day I don’t know why but I’ve been distancing myself from Jongdae. Slowly but surely I started feeling like I didn’t deserve a man like him who loved me as unconditionally as he did. I was rudely reminded of why my relationship would never work out, the words of my first lover echoing in my head like they always did whenever I let myself love another. I didn't deserve his love or anyone else’s love for that matter. I managed to convince myself that he was only with me because he wanted something out of me. I managed to engrave into my head that he didn’t truly love me, that it was all an act, that he was only simply putting up with me as he tried his hardest to get rid of me.
Avoiding him was a lot easier than I thought as I was able to avoid him on campus since I no longer had a class with him like I did last year. It took everything in me to ignore his calls and texts, having to resort to turning off my phone with how frequently he was calling. It was killing me to cut him off like this but I convinced myself that he could do better, thinking he’d eventually get tired of trying like all the others did but I was wrong.
It had been about three weeks since I removed myself from Jongdae’s life. He had come around to see if I was home but I told Miri to tell him that I wasn’t, knowing I would cave the moment I saw him. Today Miri had gone home to visit her family for the weekend, leaving me alone. I didn’t think Jongdae would come by ever again since he hadn’t been for the past few days so I thought he finally gave up but I was proven wrong.
I heard three knocks on the door, removing an earbud to see if I heard correctly. I had been cleaning all day as I was expecting to not do anything today, knowing I’d have no visitors so hearing someone at the door confused me. I put down the duster I had in my hand as I started walking to the front door, calling out to see who it was. When I didn’t get an answer I opened the door, my eyes widening at seeing Jongdae standing there. I frowned as I noticed his skin was paler than usual, the radiant glow gone, bags under his eyes as they lacked that sparkle I grew fond of. His lips were formed into a frown, his overall appearance shocking me. It took a few seconds for my shock to dissolve but once it did I let a stoic expression take over. I said nothing as I went to close the door but he wasn’t having it as he placed his hand against it, stopping it from closing.
“Jongdae leave.” Was all I said as I tried to close the door again but like before he stopped it.
“Not before you tell me what the hell I did for you to treat me like this.” He said, his tone firm as he tried to hide the way it hurt to him me call him by his full name instead of Dae like I used to.
I kept my face blank as I finally gave in, opening the door completely but said nothing. Jongdae looked at me completely torn, my heart sinking at the look in his eyes. At seeing that I wasn’t going to say anything he rubbed his hands over his face before sighing heavily.
“What did I do, huh? Tell me. Tell me so I can fix it, so I can fix us.” He said almost desperately.
I stayed silent, withdrawing myself as I kept my gaze off of his face. The look in his eyes was too much for me as I felt my heart breaking every second I spent in his presence.
“Y/N please.” He pleaded, the tears in his voice evident.
At hearing that I finally looked up, my heart sinking to the pit of my stomach at seeing the first tear escape and cascade down his cheek. I had to look away immediately, the heart wrenching feeling becoming a little too much. I could feel my own tears start to build up in my eyes, it was only a matter of time before the floodgates opened.
“Jongdae...leave...please.”
“No. Not until you tell me. Please. I love you just-”
“Stop it! Stop saying that.” I shouted as I cut him off, my voice breaking as my emotions finally reared its ugly head.
“I don’t deserve--you deserve someone who could return your love, someone who could love as hard as you do. I can’t be that person, Dae and I don’t-” I cut myself off as I choked up but continued nonetheless, “I can’t.”
“Y/N...you think I care about any of that? I don’t have to hear you say you love me because I already know how much you do.”
“And who says I love you at all, huh?” I asked,feigning anger to get him to go away.
He simply smiled before suddenly pulling me into a hug. I tried to push him off but he was too strong as I felt him bury his face in the crook of my neck.
“I know you love me, I know it. Please, please don’t push me away. I’ve been in love with you since that day I saw you at orientation, thinking to myself that I had to have you.” He said, his voice shaky.
I was stunned by his declaration. We were a semester from graduating but he’s been in love with me since orientation our freshman year? I didn’t even know his name until we had that project together yet he had been in love with me this whole time? I thought back to all the little things he would do. Thinking back to the time at the cafe or when I had burnt my hand and he brought me snacks no one would probably think were my favorite but he somehow knew. He knew things about me that I hadn’t told anyone but he knew because he was always so observant. He was always looking at me, only me. For three years he kept his distance until he found his chance last year. He had waited for me to notice him. This whole time he was waiting for me and I didn’t even know so I could only imagine how terrible he must’ve felt when I started distancing myself.
“You do. Believe me, you deserve all my love. When I tell you...I’ve never been in love like this with anyone...I mean it. Y/N you make my days brighter, my heart flutters just thinking about your smile. I love seeing the look in your eyes every time you see me because with that one look I know how much you love me.” He said as he pulled back to cup my face in his hands, his thumbs wiping away the tears that managed to escape, “I love you so much and you don’t have to say it for me to know because I just know. Don’t--Don’t distance yourself from me again, please I don’t think I’d be able to handle it.”
I said nothing said as I stared into his eyes, the love in them overwhelming. He smiled softly before leaning forward and capturing my lips in the sweetest kiss I’ve ever received. In that one kiss I was able to feel the unconditional love Jongdae had for me. I felt more tears escape as I thought how foolish I was to push him away, how idiotic I was to think for a second that this man didn’t love me. Even if I thought I didn’t deserve it he was adamant about proving me wrong.
I pulled back from the kiss, my hands coming up to rest on his waist as I looked into his tear filled eyes and finally said the words that have been on the tip of my tongue the whole time, “I love you, Kim Jongdae.”
