Alicia: 'We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sounds logical. Thank you daylight savings.'

Alicia: I saw this on InstaRoyal earlier and I have so many questions. First, what part of the world hasn't done Daylight Savings yet?

Oh please, even if I did  ever say I hated you and went, I’m sure you’d follow after just to spite me. I will never be free! You’re engaged and I’m still getting this bullshit! It’s so rude! What, am I supposed to break up the wedding or something like that? Or am I just supposed to pine from a distance? Because both of those options sound awful.

Nuh uh, there’s only so many times that you can kick a guy in the heart before you break it for good, Joj! Maybe it’s because I haven’t done some big public re-proposal for Karmen or something. I thought about proposing by shooting a ring on an arrow towards a tree she’s sitting under reading but it would be my shit luck if I accidentally murdered my fiance in the name of being romantic, so... pass. And hey, you totally seem like the kind of girl who’d be great at breaking up weddings! You’re super aggressive, it would be easy! Not that I’m telling you to do it but you’ve so got it in you.

So you weren’t planning on bringing me back? Ouch! I thought you liked me!

I was gonna try! Just, you know, don’t have a success rate to consult here to inspire confidence, that’s all.

Rachel: Oh my goooosh there were so many messages in the tourney team group chat this morning when I woke up!

If you’re not good at it when it matters, you’re not good at it period, sorry not sorry! But hey, at least you got lucky. I guess I’d copy your face. Or your body. Or your talent. Or your social prowess. There, that ought to be enough to keep you from outright asking me to compliment you again for a long time.

Okay, false. That would be like saying if I panicked and bombed an archery contest that I wasn’t good at it the rest of the time -- yeah, it sucks that I crumbled under pressure, but if someone needed a lesson they could still come to me and I could like, guide them towards becoming their best archer selves. Also, did you forget the part where it worked for me? I could have given you false expectations on how to interact with DJ or something! Your face is great, your body’s great, and your social life seems fine, but thanks for the compliments, I guess? They felt more like they were putting you down than putting me up, though, we should work on that. 

Alicia: Please let this be the year I sleep with someone better than Gaston Legume Jr, please let this be the year I sleep with someone better than Gaston Legume Jr, please let this be the year I sleep with someone better than Gaston Legume Jr.

If you’d have been down for it? Then yeah, 100% why the hell not? As if I’d be able to find a better girl than you – and that’s saying a lot, because girls are awesome, but eh, you’re the best one I’ve found so far.

Please! If you were interested in girls even a little bit I’d wife you up in a heartbeat. I don’t exactly have any other best girls that I’m not related to, you know! But I also am the kind of person who should have enough sense to not fall for someone who has literally no chance of ever liking me back, so... yay me? I’m sure Wake appreciate us not being in love with each other, it certainly made their path easier.