#johnlockshire

Thank you! I chose “I Don’t Mind,” and was inspired by the lyrics “I heard it snap, it kind of sounded like you’re never coming back.”

“It’s a gift. You keep those.”

Dean sits at the dining table, a glass of whiskey in front of him and the bottle not far away.

Why had he said that? It would have been so easy to just take the mixtape back, now that Cas has listened to all the songs Dean had wanted him to listen to. But he’d insisted that Cas keep it, like it was something special, like it has meaning that it doesn’t.

(It does.)

He knocks the rest of the whiskey back and pours himself another glass, restless frustration burning beneath his skin. He’s already too many shots past driving, though, so there’s no chance of going anywhere, no chance of escaping the thoughts that circle round and round in his head.

“Dean?”

Dean’s head snaps up. His movement knocks the whiskey glass, amber liquid spilling up the side and sloshing dangerously close to the rim. Fuck, how much has he had to drink?

Castiel steps closer to the table. There’s something in his hands, cradled delicately, and as he gets closer, Dean realizes what it is.

That damn fucking mixtape.

“What, Cas?” he bites out, far too harshly but at this point, he’s too drunk to care. There’s fire burning through his veins, and he’s fucking angry. Angry at Cas, angry at the world, angry at himself.

Cas takes a half-step back, his blue eyes wide, a tiny frown of concern creasing his brow. “I—is this a bad time?”

“Just spit it out,” Dean growls, staring him down across the distance between them. He feels agitated, that same agitation that he knows is best released by fighting or fucking, and—well.

Castiel shuffles his feet, then takes a deep breath. “I was researching mixtapes, and the Google told me that… some people show their affection through them. Many films have used them with romantic connotations, and I—I suppose I was just wondering…” He looks down at the mixtape, then meets Dean’s gaze again, hesitant and vulnerable. “Why did you tell me to keep these?”

Dean opens his mouth, then closes it again.

He doesn’t even know where to start processing all of this—all he can hear in his head is the pounding rhythm of:

Cas knows. Cas knows. Cas knows.

But there’s nothing to know. Dean Winchester is a ladies’ man, and if he was making a mixtape for a girl he was interested in then sure, it might be romantic, but this?

It’s not like that. He’s not…

He finishes his glass of whiskey, slams it back down on the wood with more force than he’d intended to, and scrapes his chair back from the table. The agitation in him, the fire, it doesn’t have anywhere to go. Faced with a question like that—one that could tip the balance, if he’d just admit…

Dean Winchester does what Dean Winchester does best, and closes off.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” he snarls, incredulous. “You came here to ask me why I told you to keep that because, what? You think I wanna get in your pants? Think I’ve got some kind of dumb fucking schoolgirl crush? I don’t know what you angels got up to in Heaven, but I’m straight, Cas. I’m not interested in you, or—or any of that shit.”

The look on Cas’s face.

Fuck, it hurts. But he can’t back down now. Can’t admit, not even to himself.

“But—“ Cas starts, and Dean slams his fist on the table before he can continue.

“Stop, Cas!” he shouts, and his voice cracks but he ignores it, pushes on. “I don’t—I’m not in love with you, or whatever the fuck you think is going on here. That shit there?” He points at the mixtape, and Castiel looks down at it too, as though he’d forgotten he was holding it. “It’s not a love letter. It’s simply because your taste in music fucking sucks, and I’m trying to educate you. That’s all. Are you done with this bullshit now?”

Castiel doesn’t look up.

He’s just as closed off as Dean, now, but in an entirely different way, his shoulders tense and gaze fixed on the mixtape. His knuckles turn white with how hard he’s gripping it, as though he’s barely keeping himself together, and Dean aches.

The silence between them stretches out, still ringing with Dean’s angry, defensive words, and then—

Snap.

Castiel grips each half of the mixtape in his hands, holding it hard enough to break skin, then carefully places the two pieces onto the table. The sound of plastic on wood is deafeningly loud, second only to the sound of Dean’s own blood rushing in his ears.

“I understand,” Castiel says quietly, and he only meets Dean’s gaze for a second, but it’s so full of raw anguish and grief that Dean takes a step back, as though Castiel’s pain is a physical force.

What has he done?

By the time he can process that look, or try and come up with any sort of response, apology, anything—

Cas is already gone.

Wee! Thank you!

12. How do you think it would logically go canon if it did?

Logically? Still pretty slow, pushing us to the end of the season (which I’m happy for. Less time for it to get messed up). Personally, for me, it checked off all the boxes on my canon checklist no later than season 8, so for me, I’m only talking about undeniable -- no one can skew it.

There are various thoughts and theories that take us from episode 7 to 9. We don’t really know for sure what’s going to happen in them other than a few things. For me, personally, the last three episodes (4,5,6) focused a lot on Sam’s grief, finally culminating in something that was akin to A Win for him. I have no doubt that from 7 to 9 we have some kind of A Win for Dean, be it tangible, or in the form of actually opening up about something christ anything in a prayer. 

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Speaking of that 15x09 prayer spoiler teaser thing: It was first spilled at DC Con, and was also used in the same sentence as ‘a confession’. Since then, it’s been pushed still, in an article or two (can’t remember off the top of my head) and brought up again this past weekend. 

The cast and crew are not stupid, they know what we’re after. They know that if they keep hyping this stuff as “Dean explains/tells/confesses in this prayer To Cas (TM) why he’s been acting the way he has”, and they don’t deliver something, then they’d lose a lot of people for the back half of the season. 

Bobo Berens wrote 15x09, and he’s the same guy who gave us 15x03, and worked with the actors and everyone to really edit it to the point where it gave us exactly what we needed and set it up in a way where the resolution will be sweet. He said that in 15x03, they had to edit the scene because if there was too much dialogue, things would start to get resolved. That to me said: If they kept talking then the truth would get out too fast and we can’t have that. 

So I personally believe whatever was taken out of 15x03 was put in this prayer thing in one way or another. Now, do I think Cas will hear it? I honestly don’t know. I personally want him to but be unable to get where he needs to fast enough. I personally think that the prayer comes because Cas can’t get at his phone, and they can’t contact him, and they think Cas left for good again and it’s Dean’s fault. 

But, logically, first things first: One of them (Dean) needs to cop to their feelings. We know where Cas falls because entities and other enemies have used his emotions and feelings against him. I don’t need physical affection for it to go Canon There are things that can be said that work just as well, and I think that theoretically starts in 15x09 with the journey starting in 15x07. 

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13. What is your ideal way for Destiel to go canon?

Ideally? 

Confessional from the one who’s been kind of holding it all up. So basically, the logical one as well. What I need is more from Dean. We know where Cas is on the subject, but let’s be real, those are in situations that Dean isn’t in. Also, on the flip side, Cas doesn’t know the downright suicidal breakdown Dean had in season 13 when he died. 

So really -- Ideally: JUST FUCKING TALK. Spill some beans. Someone has to take the first step, and I want it to be Dean really bad.

I wouldn’t mind some physical activity, but I’m more than happy with just some words. 

Omg I’m so excited to read ! Idk if you have a taglist or anything, but if you do, can you add me (i also am on a buncha tag lists so if you have one and im already on it lmao my b) ? Thank you!

Awww thank you! I´m so happy to hear this! I was so afraid nobody would care.

I don´t have a tag list, but I recently started thinking about making one.

Hi there! You make me blushhhh 😊! And thank you so so much 🎄