President: So does anyone else want to run for treasurer or secretary?

Me: hoe don’t do it

*crickets chirping*

My parents are the worst self-esteem motivators (or whatever you'd call it) on the planet. Seriously. 

So during dinner just now, I was trying to explain how I got into the Japanese National Honor Society, so I would have to go to school earlier. 

My mom's reply: "Is your Japanese really that good?" 

... 

&then they started to ask about my future. 'Cause they've been asking what I want to do in college since like...last year. FML. So you know, or maybe you don't, how I'm sort of decided. I want to MAYBE do either Psychology or Linguistics. 

Linguistics: "Why do you need to learn so many languages, it's useless." (or something to that extent) and then my dad said something stupid in Chinese that I couldn't really understand... 

Psychology: "You'll have to know people. You can't say "I don't know" to them. They have to trust you. You can't do it." (maybe a little exaggerated) 

The point is, no encouragement, nothing. Only retorts. Fuck that shit. Who the fuck cares anyways I suppose. I act differently at home than I do at school, so they don't know me at all. They can say whatever the fuck they want, but they don't know anything. 

I could say that this is the motivation, to push myself farther and exceed. But in the back of my heart, I'm still hurt. 

Oh yeah, and I was pulling down my dress, 'cause it kept rising. And my dad was like, do you have a stomache, or something. 

&what I said (for some reason, but true) was "I'm fat." 

and he (and my mom) were like, "Yeah." 

..........................Wow. Thanks, I sure feel like a million bucks. Fat, ugly and stupid huh? That's how you see me? 

I was almost late to school today. Because I can't count at all. I wanted to get to school at 8:18 (since class starts at 8:23), but I miscalculated for some odd reason. And I thought I could leave the house at 8:22 instead of 8:12...so I ended up getting to school at 8:21. AND I had a math test today. Thankfully, I made it just on time. The test, the content at least, was really easy. But I couldn't really understand what my teacher wanted in terms of how to answer, so maybe I got some points off for that. 

Orchestra's piece was different today. It wasn't bad, but not really good. The bowing was so awkward, and I was so stiff. Ugh. x.x" 

Japanese test. I kind of did bad on it. X.X I feel so ashamed, especially because she just "recommended" me to be in JNHS. 

C&C, we're starting our Childhood Dreams presentation. FML. 

After school we didn't have club. I found out 9/10 that there was a mandatory meeting after school for JNHS. So me+A had to go to that. &then, we left M&J with ingredients and the recipe, but in the end, M decided to just cancel club. 

JNHS was kind of fun though. The first part was scary, 'cause we were "newbies" and yeah. HAWKWARD. Initiation. Oath. Introductions. KEEE! D:< 

KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! So today, right before class started, my teacher asked me my grade from last semester (Japanese), and then she asked me if I had interest in joining the Japanese National Honor Society. And I was like, yes. And so AKDGKAHEKGUDIGJdskgjKAGJAKUYEIGAKEH!!!!!!! Yay!!! =D 

The only thing is, I only have the morning off, which means I'll have to wake up at 6:30 now, like everyone else, instead of 7:30. BOO! D:< Well, I don't know. 

I suppose this semester will be a test, to see if I can handle "8 classes". Because, right now, I only have like "one spot" left for a class. And it's down between either Korean or Orchestra. &I really want to take both!!! But then it'll mean I have 8 classes, basically like from now on, except with less free mods. What to dooooooooooo? 

I really want to learn Korean (and French, Italian, etc.), but at the same time. I don't know. Orchestra is fun (at least, being a first violin is). And I kind of want to continue (because I'm definitely admitted into Symphonic since I'm a first), but KADGKADHGIGLDSAGKAGD. Half-way through, I'll probably get bored of it. Because I'd probably be a second violin. 나 어떡해?!?!?? 무엇을 할!?!??! 

ONE MORE WEEK OF PICKLEBALL AND THEN WE'RE DONE, FINALLY!!!!!