And yet, you're here
Pairing: Geto x fem!reader
Word Count: 2,8k
Synopsis: Years after Suguru left, you're still not able to get him off your mind. When he reappears years after his betrayal, the past collides with the present. Unexpected, in a way you didn't even dare to dream about.
Warnings: this isn't proofread 100%, the emotional rollercoaster you deserve, hurt to comfort big time, this is for all my geto girlies who deserve their happy ending
please please please make this go viral thank you
âHeâs a threat for the whole population!â
âWe need to kill that brat before he kills all non-sorcerers.â
âI canât believe someone like him was able to do something likeâŚthat.â
âSo much wasted potential. Why does a special grade sorcerer act this way?â
âI thought heâs a nice boy.â
âSo, youâre not one of those nice guys I guess.â
The sun already hung so low in the sky that you were barely able to see his soft features, let alone the surprised look that crept over his face while hearing those words coming from your mouth.
âAre you talking about me or Satoru?â
You let out one of those cute chuckles he adored so much, the kind he heard in his head on repeat even when you were long gone. Gosh, he couldnât get enough of this. Those lonely nights with only you and a cigarette by his side, the countless hours he spent trying to understand you while it was his mind that slowly but surely fell apart.
âNope, Iâm always talking about you, Suguru.â
âWhat am I if not a nice guy, then?â
Sure, Satoru Gojo was his one and only best friend, but you were something else entirely: An unspoken bond that lived in the spaces between words, in glances that lingered just a moment too long. You werenât a lover, not in the conventional sense, but you werenât just a friend either. You were a mirror to his soul, the keeper of truths he couldn't bear to speak aloud, and the only person who could hold the weight of his silence without it breaking you both.
âYouâre... complicated,â you finally replied, the word laced with warmth rather than judgment.
âYouâre the kind of person who feels too much but hides it too well. The kind who would burn the world down if it meant saving the people you love. Not everyone understands that, but I do. Or at least Iâm convinced I do.â
Suguruâs lips twitched into a faint smile, more melancholic than amused.
âComplicated, huh? Thatâs one way to put it.â
âAnd dangerous,â you added lightly, the hint of a smile in your voice.
âBut not in the way they think. Not to me.â
His expression softened, the darkness in his eyes easing for just a moment as he stared at you.
âNot to you,â he echoed, as though testing the words on his tongue, letting them sink into the cracks of his fraying soul.
Till this day, that one last conversation both of you had on that lonely bench still haunts him. The way you looked at him back then, as if youâd already knew that you might never see him again, as if you just counted the hours until he goes berserk.
What are you thinking about him now?
Is he still on your mind?
Are you hating him the way Satoru does?
âYouâre thinking about her again, donât you?â
Fuck. He thought about you.
Again.
Suguru lets out a sharp exhale, the sound halfway between a sigh and a laugh, bitter enough to sting his own ears. How pathetic he has to look to the people surrounding him. When he walked down this path, he knew that heâll have to do it without you, that he wonât be able to see you again. And yetâŚ
Losing you seems to hurt more than anything else.
 âOf course I am,â he admits to his assistant, his voice low and rough like gravel underfoot.
âNot like I can help it. Sheâs everywhere, even when sheâs not. Itâs ridiculous.â
There it is again, your face ghosting through his mind. Other than Satoru and Shoko, you never really tried to find him. If you wanted to, you would, right? Maybe youâre too mad at him for all the things heâs done. Or maybe you already forgot about him.
 âBut it doesnât matter, does it? Sheâs gone. Just like everything else.â
For a moment, he closes his eyes, trying to drown out the memories, the sound of your laugh, the way your voice softened when you said his name, the weight of your eyes on him as if you could see through all the lies he told himself. Heâd burn every memory if he could, let them smolder in the same fire that consumed the rest of his life.
âBesides. Sheâd hate me now, just like everyone else. Maybe she was just waiting for me to turn into the monster she saw coming.â
âStop stewing in these thoughts, that doesnât matter anymore. Weâre expecting another bunch of monkeys in half an hour.â
But even as she said it, the words tasted wrong. It shouldnât matter that he can still feel the warmth of your gaze, your unwavering belief in him, and yet it cuts deeper than any accusation ever could. Suguru shakes his head while straightening his shoulders, eyes locked onto Manami in front of him in order to force you off his mind.
âDoesnât matter,â he repeats, his voice barely above a whisper, as though trying to convince himself.
âItâs too late for that now. So, whereâs the monkeys?â
âWhy did I know Iâd find you here?â
His voice startles you, making you jump slightly. You turn to see none other than Satoru Gojo standing there, hands in his pockets, his white hair catching the fading sunlight. The sunglasses perched on his nose donât quite hide the sharp edge in his expression he usually wears around you.
âBecause Iâm always here, I guess,â you reply softly, your tone as tired as the circles under your eyes appear.
âAnd I told you to stop a long time ago,â Satoru bites back, his voice bitter, cutting.
âThe Suguru you knew⌠heâs gone.â
The weight of his words lands hard, though theyâre not new. Heâs said them before, with the same venom in his voice, every time you bring up Suguru or the past.
âI know. Iâve always known.â
âThen why do you keep punishing yourself? Dropping out of Jujutsu High when everyone needed you didnât bring him back. Hiding out here doesnât change anything, yâknow?â
âIt wasnât about bringing him back, Satoru,â you snap, your voice sharper than you intend.
âIt was about⌠letting him go. You wouldnât understand.â
âTry me,â he challenges, stepping closer.
âIâve spent years watching people destroy themselves over things they canât fix. I know the look in your eyes - you miss him. You always have. But you didnât even try to stop him when he turned his back on us.â
You flinch, his words hitting a nerve.
âBecause it wasnât my place. I wasnât like you, Gojo. I wasnât his best friend. I wasnât strong enough to drag him back kicking and screaming or to stand in his way. All I could do was⌠let him live the way he decided to. I thought⌠maybe if I stayed behind, if I didnât follow him, heâd understand that I believed in him, that I trust him and his actions, the path he chooses. That Iâd be here if he ever wanted to come back.â
Satoruâs shoulders tense, his jaw tightening. He never understood. Until this day, he never wrapped his head around the fact that you didnât try to stop his best friend back then. You, who had more power over Suguru than himself.
God, how much he hates that disgusting truth until now.
âAnd look where that got you,â he mutters.
You look away, your hands gripping the edge of the bench for support.
âI never expected to see him again, Satoru. I didnât think Iâd matter enough to him for that.â
The silence between you stretches thin, brittle as glass.
âDo you think he hates me?â you ask, your voice barely audible.
âFor staying behind? For not going after him?â
Gojo doesnât answer, which is answer enough. You know he blames you, at least a little, for what happened. For not doing more. For leaving everything to him. For allowing Suguru to turn his back on Jujutsu High.
âSuguru hating you? Never. I bet he still thinks about you every damn dayâ, Satoru mutters under his breath before turning on his heels and leaving you standing in the rain.
Suguru, still thinking about you? You shake your head vehemently, not allowing that absurd thought into your brain. If he would miss you, heâd visit you, right? In all those years, he never lifted a finger in order to find you.
You were right there. In your small apartment, at jujutsu high.
Maybe he forgot about you after all.
âMe? Forgetting you? Iâd never be able to do that, (y/n).â
Maybe some promises are meant to be broken.
-a few evenings later-
Youâve drank too much.
You always do when Shoko isnât with you, when no oneâs around to watch you. But even though you emptied a whole bottle of liqueur on your own, you still arenât able to forget him. Fuck, his face is glued onto your mind like a second skin, never leaves you even though you drink enough to forget your own name.
Will it always feel like this? Will that ache ever go away?
âWhat are you thinking about, handsome?â
âSomething Iâve lost some while agoâ, you mumble, absently swirling your glittery cocktail around.
âThatâs a bummer.â
You donât even gift the random stranger next to you a look, the guy who smells like cheap cigarettes so vehemently that you feel like throwing up.
Maybe itâs time to call it a day.
âYeah. Whatever.â
You spring back onto your feet, the alcohol vibrating through your veins. You were never much of a drinker back then, only shared a cigarette with Suguru from time to time. But this became your only way to numb the pain. At least for a few hours, at least for some time.
The cold air of the night hits your face like a wall. Even though itâs far past midnight, the city buzzes in street light, laughter and cries. And yet, all youâre able to think about is him again. His laugh, his voice, the way he used to look at you when he thought no one else was watching. Is it wrong to long for him? Is it disgusting that you couldnât care less about the things heâs done those past years, about what heâd become?
You shake your head, trying to dispel the thoughts, but they cling to you, stubborn and relentless. Why canât you just stop? Stop longing for something that will never happen, stop running after a person who is long gone? Suguru wonât come back, you wonât just meet him on a random street-
The click of footsteps catches your attention. Heavy, yet elegant footsteps across the still busy street.
At first, you think itâs just another stranger wandering through the cityâs darkened streets. But something about the rhythm - steady, purposeful - sets your nerves on edge. Something about this feels familiar.
You glance up, your heart skipping a beat as your gaze meets a pair of familiar dark brown eyes.
Suguru Geto.
The world around you blurs, the sounds of the city fading into silence. Itâs him, unmistakably him. His hair is longer than you remember, strands sticking to his face from what looks like rain, or maybe itâs sweat. Blood splatters ruin his clothes and the sharp line of his jaw, painting a stark, gruesome picture paired with those cold orbs. His expression is unreadable, but his eyes⌠theyâre searching, watching your every move.
You should run, or scream, or yell at him â at least something that shows him what he put you through.
Anything.
Heâs the same man who left you, who walked away from everything, from you. He, who didnât even tell you about his true feelings, who didnât care about the consequences of his actions, who didnât even ask you to join. All those miserable nights you imagined him sitting next to you on that bench, the bottles of alcohol youâve drank just to forget his name. He needs to pay for it, needs to know what he did to you by leaving you behind.
But instead, your feet move of their own accord, closing the distance between you in an instant.
Before he can react, you throw your arms around him so, pulling him into a tight embrace.
Suguru freezes, his body stiff against yours. He doesnât move, doesnât speak, as if the sheer force of your presence has left him powerless. You bury your face against his chest, not caring about the blood, the grime, or the hurricane of questions swirling in your mind. All you care about is the fact that heâs here, alive, and solid beneath your touch. You can feel him â not only in your dreams, but for real.
Suguru is here.
Heâs alive.
Heâs right between your arms.
The scent of him - familiar, though tinged with something darker - fills your senses, dragging you back into a world you thought youâd never touch again. Tears sting your eyes, but you bite them back, unwilling to let them fall.
âSuguru,â you whisper, your voice trembling.
Finally, he moves. His arms lift hesitantly, then wrap around you with a force that knocks the air out of your lungs. He holds you like heâs afraid youâll disappear any given minute, his grip firm and desperate. His head dips slightly, and for a moment, you think you feel him trembling too.
âWhat are you doing?â
His voice is rough, low, almost broken.
âI donât know,â you admit, your voice muffled against his chest.
âI just⌠I missed you.â
He pulls back just enough to look at you, his dark eyes scanning your face as if trying to memorize every detail.
âYou shouldnât be here,â he mutters, his tone a mixture of regret and warning.
âNeither should you,â you counter, your gaze unwavering.
Suguruâs lips twitch, almost forming a smile, but it doesnât reach his eyes. He lifts a hand, his fingers brushing against your cheek as though testing if youâre real.
âYou should hate me.â
âMaybe I should,â you reply, your voice steady despite the storm raging inside you.
God, youâre so furious at him. Mad because he ran away, mad because he left you standing in the rain.
Mad because this is actually the first time Suguru Geto hugged you.
âBut I donât. I guess I could never hate you.â
His expression falters, the mask heâs worn for so long cracking just enough to reveal the man beneath. The one you knew, the one you loved in a way you never fully understood. And for the first time since leaving everything behind, he feels that small ray of sunshine taking in his heart again.
âYou donât know what Iâve done, what Iâve become. I was so sure youâll hate me like everyone else.â
âI know enough. And I donât care. Youâre still Suguru Geto, arenât you?â
He exhales sharply, the sound almost like a laugh, though thereâs no humor in it. You, not caring about the fact that he ended countless lives out of his own fulfilment? You, a jujutsu sorcerer who always protected those monkeys?
âYouâre too good for this,â he bites back, shaking his head.
âToo good for me.â
âDonât decide that for me,â you snap, surprising even yourself with your suddenly so sharp tone.
âYou donât get to make that choice. You already did when you left without saying goodbyeâ
The silence between you stretches, heavy with unspoken words. Youâre right and he knows it. But⌠Was it really a possibility to take you with him back then? Was there a tiny chance that youâŚwould have joined him?
Slowly, he leans his forehead against yours, his eyes closing as though seeking comfort in your presence. No, he doesnât want to think this through. Not right now. Not when he feels your heart pound against his body, not when youâre this close to him for the very first time.
âI thought Iâd never see you again,â he admits, his voice barely a whisper.
âI told myself it was better that way.â
âAnd yet youâre here,â you point out softly.
âAnd yet Iâm here,â he echoes, his lips curving into a faint, bitter smile.
For a moment, itâs just the two of you. No blood, no curses, no jujutsu, no past or future. Just the weight of the present, fragile and fleeting. And for now, thatâs enough.
For now, simply holding the man you thought youâve lost forever on a random street is more than enough to make you feel whole again.
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