Jamie had smiled as he signed his birthright away and kissed his young nephew in his forehead. He wholeheartedly wished the best of luck to the tiny boy who would inherit what was meant to be his. Jamie did not feel any resentment at the unfairness of it all. Such things were now far and away from him. It was best to reconcile with the facts as they were and move on.
A few hours later Jamie was safely back in his room and away from his family. He had been thinking of what the future held for him now that he had no future. Everything looked a bit hopeless. He guessed that he could stay here in his family’s land and help out as best he could. One did not need to be very smart or able to speak to pitch hay or plant carrots. He could see his nephews and nieces grow up and Ian and Jenny would not worry too much about him. That would seem to be the best course of action for all involved.
But he didn’t want that. Jamie did not want to be the sad remnant of what could have been. He couldn’t bear pity no matter how well intended. The tenants would look at him and think him feeble. His sister would treat him as she would another child. It would be very hard to live with.
So he resolved to leave Lallybroch and find his own way in the world. It was a frightening proposition as he would do so without being able to speak but he saw no other recourse for someone in his situation.
He would only need a wee bit of land to farm where he could have some chickens and maybe goats for milk. It didn’t even have to have a house as he was capable of building himself a cottage. He would like a remote area as he did not see much call for company in his life. Who would want to be friends with him?
All goals, however small, required money and he had none. He did have his mother’s pearls and his father’s ring. And he had his spoons.
The silver apostle spoons had been a baptismal present. He hadn’t known that they were his until his Da had shown them to him when he was twelve. He’d been curious about their purpose and his father had told him they were intended for Jamie’s children . Jamie had been horrified by the idea that he was meant to have thirteen children for each of the spoons but his father had set him to rights.
Every so often he would go looking for the fine leather box to look at the spoons. He did not know why he found the idea of them so pleasing. He guessed it had something to do with their implied permanence. These spoons would be passed on to his children and their children and so on and so forth.
It was very difficult to grasp for someone so young but no less meaningful.
On his last night at Lallybroch, he’d gone to his box again. The spoons inside gleamed in the firelight, and he’d taken one by one inspecting it carefully before setting it down. The intricate silver was beautiful and he placed it against his warm cheek. He was surprised to realize that he was crying.
It was daft. He’d just given up everything and he was sobbing over spoons.
Loving Jamie, at Chapter 17, JillianK
