#jiggoe

Love.

Love was something that Jigen like to believe he knew. Love was from his experience a rather painful and messy ordeal. Love was something that would always end in either an innocent life being taken or in a fucked up tragedy. For Jigen Daisuke love was an absolute nightmare, a distant fantasy that only existed in storybooks or movies. It was something that someone like him could never have. And for a long time he believed this, and with each lover he'd gained, the belief became much more ingrained into him so much to the point that he in a way became unnerved by the very idea of it. Avoiding it as much as he possibly could and keeping anyone at a good arm's length for their own safety as well as his own sanity. And for a long time it worked well for him, keeping his heart in tact and his mind from spiraling into a guilt ridden shitshow.

He should have known that it wouldn't last forever.

He should have known that life as well as love had a tendency to completely ruin all of his plans. And it happened in the most unexpected way he could ever imagine.

It happened in the form of his best friend and partner in crime, the infamous Lupin the Third.

If you were to ask the gunslinger exactly when he'd realized that he was in love with Lupin he wouldn't be able to give you a clear answer, mainly because he himself didn't know it. For Jigen the answer eluded him, leaving him floundering in trying to figure it out. All he knew was that he woke up one day and it just.....fell into place. All the confusion and strange feelings he felt suddenly made sense. Like a jigsaw puzzle those strange, jagged pieces suddenly fit together in a picture that he didn't even realize was there in the first place until it was too late to change it. And like many people who were in the gunman's shoes when it came to things such as love he did the only sensible thing that he could do.

He buried it. Ignoring those feelings and locking them away deep inside, refusing to acknowledge that they were even there in the first place. For Jigen acknowledging such things led to dangerous consequences. Acknowledging love meant that he was giving in, it meant that he was signing Lupin's death certificate with his own hands, guaranteeing that the thief would end up dead. And it was a thought that haunted Jigen more than he cared to admit. It was a thought, a reality that he refused to allow to happen. He'd rather die first if he had anything to do with it. And so Jigen continued on with his life, his feelings bubbling underneath the surface for the thief, never being spoken out nor examined by him. Before he knew it years began to pass by, years of remaining silent on his desires for his best friend being left unsaid. Years of watching Lupin having flings and being completely oblivious to his partner's internal struggles against his own heart.

It was rather hellish for Jigen if he allowed himself to be honest and he believed that it couldn't get worse than it already was. But again Jigen Daisuke should have known that life and love had an unhealthy pastime of making everything much more difficult than it needed to be. That it liked to curse him in the worst way possible. Despite being in love with Lupin, the gunslinger found himself getting rather deep with others as well. One of those people being his other partner in crime and close friend, a samurai named Goemon Ishikawa. Much like with Lupin, Jigen couldn't tell you when he began to fall in love with Goemon. All he knew was that he much like with Lupin just one day realized that he was in rather deep with his feelings for the silent and stoic samurai. And much like what he did with his feelings for Lupin, Jigen buried them deep within, fearing the consequences of what his feelings could bring to not only one but now two people he cared about.

After he buried those feelings for Goemon he hoped that with everything he had that, that would be the end of it. That he'd finally have some peace from this curse known as falling in love with people who he cared about dearly. However like a lone soldier on a battlefield he was bound to lose the battle as he grew to love two others as well. The third person he'd developed feelings for was for a rather loud and erratic man who was always chasing him and his friends wherever they went. An inspector who was one of the best in his field of work, Zenigata Koichi. Or as Lupin and him affectionately called him, Pops. Pops had been one that Jigen had never seen coming. With Lupin and Goemon, the gunslinger could somewhat understand why he'd fallen in love with them. Lupin with his need for excitement and his love for life and adventure and his charming yet endearing personality, and Goemon with his serious demeanor that held a shy, awkward man underneath who fought with an honor that made most men look like pale imitations.

But with Zenigata he couldn't exactly figure out why he'd fallen for him in the first place. And for a long time it remained unclear as to what made his heart become set on the inspector. Until one day it became incredibly clear, when that glimmer of what laid underneath the hellbent inspector began to show through to the gunslinger. Beneath that justice fueled determination was a man who was unshakable in his kindness towards others, a man who fully believed in him and the others with an unwavering respect for them and who followed what he believed was right and not what others believed was. Once those things were made clear to Jigen the reasons as to why he fell in love with Pops as well made sense.

The last person who he fell in love with was also someone he never expected. Rather it was someone he in a million years never believed that he would ever fall for. Fujiko Mine if you asked Jigen to describe, was a crafty woman who could get whatever she wanted and who was driven by a fierce determined attitude to do as she pleased. At first those things drove Jigen up the wall, infuriating him at every turn, especially when Fujiko would screw them over and in the process hurt Lupin somewhat. And for a very long time he hated her, yet as the saying goes there's a fine line between love and hate and it became apparent that the saying had some truth to it. As he and Fujiko got to know each other whenever they were forced to he found himself in a way coming to respect her and her once irritating traits.

He began to see that beneath her usual catty attitude and seemingly indifferent approach to people's feelings towards her, it became clear that she much like him kept people at an arm's length. Keeping any possibility of getting emotional involved with someone to nearly nonexistent if she could get away with it. Once he figured her out the hatred he once had of her died down quite a bit, and instead a sense of kinder ship was felt towards her. Just like him, love was something that she seemed to not want to get involved in, whether it be due to a bad experience or something else entirely Fujiko Mine in many ways was a lot like him. And it was that understanding that the line was crossed somewhere. And like he did with his feelings for Lupin and Goemon he once again buried his feelings for Zenigata and Fujiko.

And just as he had before Jigen continued on with his life, never saying anything or letting them know what he felt towards them. Never letting them catch on to just how deeply he felt about them, content to just remain beside them and be apart of their lives. Though there were times when he would think about those feelings, times when he'd think about what would happen if he did let them know just how madly in love he was with them. Indulging himself with fantasies of what life would be like if he took that leap of faith, of finally having that freedom to do the things he wanted to do for so long.

To have the freedom to kiss Lupin whenever he pleased, to have the freedom to be affectionate with Goemon, to have the freedom to have a tender moment with Pops, to have the freedom to hold Fujiko's hand. To have the freedom to be lovers instead of close friends and work partners.

With these fantasies he would feel his heart twist and a sense of longing and heartache fill him, the desires that he would keep bubbling within wanting to burst out and let them know, urging him to take that first step towards everything he ever wanted. Yet whenever he would get carried away he would be bombarded with memories as well. Memories of lost loves who betrayed him or who were caught in the crossfire and lost their lives. Experiences and moments that haunted him and the consequences of taking that chance on love and how his loved ones would end up with the same fate as all the rest of them. And it stopped him each and every time, stopped him from making those fantasies a reality.

Jigen knew that in the long run that he wouldn't be able to keep these things in the dark forever, after all emotions tended to come out one way or another. Kept in too long and it could be disastrous, yet he didn't bother trying to fix this problem. Instead opting to let those feelings eat away at him until it became unbearable some days. And a lot of the time it worked even if it wasn't healthy in the slightest. This strange unhealthy pit he threw himself into with his feelings while somewhat under control by him, the same couldn't be said about the people around him who couldn't be stopped when it came to feelings and such nor if their choices of acting on them. Perhaps if he had taken that into consideration he would have realized that despite all of his desperation to keep his feelings to himself that he fighting was a losing battle.

~~~~~

Lupin was the first one to make a move with him, chipping pieces away at his internal walls he threw up.

It was on some little beach somewhere on a tropical island. The group of thieves had managed to get away with another successful heist about a month ago and Lupin had decided to treat them all to a vacation of sorts to relax and just have a moment of normalcy. The gentleman thief had stuck behind in the luxurious beach house that he owned as one of his safe houses while Fujiko had decided to steal Goemon away for the evening to spend time with him. Jigen had been perched on a lounging chair on the wooden balcony outside, sipping at his alcoholic drink and enjoying the view of the sea and the sunset.

The smell of the sea flitted through his nose, and the sounds of the waves and seagulls assaulted his ears as he laid back in his chair. His iconic hat was pulled up a bit so he could get a better view of the sea through his fluffy black bangs. Jigen was entranced by the scene before him, lost in the peaceful atmosphere. The tranquility was distributed when the sounds of the window door leading out onto the balcony sliding open filled his ears.

"There you are Jigen! I was wondering where you were!"

Lupin's voice rang out making Jigen look back towards the door to look at him. The thief was dressed in a large tshirt and shorts, a pair of sandals on his feet and a large grin on his face. His sharp, mischievous gray hues were crinkled slightly from his smiling and his brownish black hair was a bit messy, obviously not caring too much about his appearance and aiming for causality for the evening. Yet to Jigen at that moment he was one of the most beautiful people he'd ever seen.

"Where else would I be? Skinny dipping in the ocean?"

The gunslinger said his tone gruff and a bit sarcastic as he tried not to dwell on his racing heartbeat. Lupin gave him a small huff of laughter and made his way towards him before plopping himself into the neighboring chair next to him.

"Yeah you're right, I'd forgotten that you're allergic to things that are fun."

The younger man said teasingly earning a scoff from his companion.

"Your idea of fun is very different from mine boss."

The gunman said taking another sip of his drink.

"It could be fun if you give it a go! I personally wouldn't say no to you skinny dipping in the sea."

The thief said his tone flirtatious as he sent a wink to his partner. Jigen let out a choked noise as he snorted, trying not to let Lupin know how much the thought really effected him.

"You wouldn't say no to anyone naked Lupin."

He shot back somewhat amused.

"Calling me out is rude ya know?"

Lupin said pouting yet his eyes held amusement at the quip. The two fell into their normal pattern of conversation, teasing one another and responding with sarcasm every once in awhile. It was the type of normalcy with Lupin that Jigen loved. Though he would never admit it out loud. As they talked and bantered with one another the sun continued to set on them, painting the skyline in various shades of orange and yellows. Jigen was in the middle of talking about something, rambling somewhat while Lupin listened to him. As Jigen spoke he took notice that Lupin had went quiet.

"Hey you still with me Lupin......"

Jigen began to ask his companion only to trail off as he looked over at him. Lupin was staring at him, his gray hues soft and gentle and a fond smile on his face. It was a tender expression full of affection that Lupin usually only aimed at Fujiko, Goemon or Pops and yet.....

He was now aiming it at Jigen.

The older man felt his heart pick up and his mouth went dry as he met Lupin's gaze, getting lost in it. It wasn't the first time that Lupin looked at him, but it was the first time that Jigen actually processed what was in his gaze. Jigen swallowed a bit trying not to completely lose it.

"Uh Lupin...?"

He asked unsure making the thief blink a bit and seemingly snap out of it.

"Ah sorry, I was just thinking is all."

Lupin responded giving him a sheepish look. Jigen quirked an eyebrow, pushing his hat more onto his head in a slightly nervous way.

"Thinking about what?"

He asked curious and yet at the same time apprehensive.

"About how gorgeous you look in the sunset."

Lupin said his tone soft and sincere as he gazed at the gunman. Jigen felt his breath catch at that, his blood pounding in his ears due to how fast his heart kicked up into gear.

"Wha-?"

Jigen began to question only to freeze when a familiar hand gently cupped his face. Frozen in place he watched as Lupin watched him, his gray eyes searching and uncharacteristically hesitant.

"Jigen......I really want to kiss you......can I.....?"

Lupin's voice soft and gentle asked him making Jigen's heart explode in his chest. The gunslinger was in a mental whirlwind, millions of thoughts racing around in his head.

'You should put an end to this. You know what happens when you take that jump.'

'This has to be a dream, surely Lupin doesn't actually want to kiss me.'

'I shouldn't be doing this, I should just leave.'

'But.......fuck I don't want to......not this time......'

"Jigen?"

Lupin's voice snapped him out of his head, uncertainty on his face as he waited for an answer. Jigen felt something in him snap and without much thought he answered.

"Yes. Fucking hell kiss me."

That was all it took for Lupin to lean forward and close the space between them. As soon as Lupin's lips met his, it was like a dam had burst. Like a man unknowingly dying of thirst Jigen kissed Lupin with everything he had. Lupin let out a small gasp before responding with equal enthusiasm. The gentleman thief tasted of his favorite wine he liked to drink, lingering tobacco, and everything that made life exciting. Jigen got lost in it, humming into the kiss as he let out all of the feelings he'd kept locked away, becoming light headed when Lupin responded in kind. All too soon the two pulled away, panting slightly. Jigen took in the sight of Lupin, his expression dazed and his lips red from their makeout of sorts. The gunslinger had to hold himself back from kissing Lupin again and with a shaky sigh pulled himself away from him.

"That.....that was....."

Lupin mumbled his mind hazy from how entrancing the kiss with Jigen was.

"Wow."

Jigen mumbled making Lupin nod in agreement. The two sat there for a beat before Jigen realized what they'd done. A spike of fear hit him and he pushed himself further from Lupin. The thief let him, watching the slight panic and frustration on Jigen's face as the gunman gathered himself.

"I'm gonna uh......get a shower."

Jigen said excusing himself and quickly leaving before Lupin could say anything. The gunslinger nearly tore the door off of its track with how fast he threw it open and with zero hesitation disappeared into the house. Lupin stared at the door, expression thinking as he thought about the kiss that just occurred. If the thief was honest it was incredible and it made him want to kiss Jigen again like a drug addict in need of a fix. That kiss had told Lupin something that he'd suspected for quite some time.

It had told him that Jigen was in love with him. Just as he was in love with Jigen.

The thought made Lupin feel stupidly giddy, the question he'd been dying to know finally being answered. It was no secret to anyone in the group that Lupin had it bad for Jigen, just as bad as he had it for Fujiko, Goemon and Zenigata. The thief was in love with the gunslinger and the knowledge that his feelings were returned made him want to follow Jigen and kiss him again, to tell him that he loved him. Yet Lupin remained seated, forcing himself to think about this logically. Jigen wasn't the best when it came to anything involving love. His gunslinging companion didn't really get involved much, having witnessed a few times himself what happened whenever he did. Lupin couldn't help but flinch a bit as his mind called up Angelina, a nun that his friend was in love with and how Jigen had watched as she died brutally after stepping on a landmine while trying to help injured people. He remembered how Jigen had gotten wasted that night and more or less broke down on Lupin, listening to him as he blamed himself for her demise.

'I couldn't do anything boss....! I couldn't save her and I watched her die, I held her in my arms and I couldn't do a God damn thing-!!!'

It was one of the many things he'd heard Jigen say in his broken drunken breakdown and it stuck with Lupin, painting a much more complex yet clearer picture of the usually grumpy and distant gunman. The gentleman thief knew that experiences like that was what made Jigen so distant and panicked at the mere whiff of falling in love. While Lupin wanted more than anything to calm Jigen and reassure him that he would be fine, he knew that his partner needed a moment to recover from what had happened and the best way for him to do that was to give Jigen space. After a moment of silently watching the sun completely set Lupin got up from his chair and made his way into the house, a new determination budding within him. He wouldn't give up on Jigen, and he'd do whatever he could to show Jigen that he loved him. Even if it took forever he'd do it.

After all if he had the patience to win over people like Fujiko and Goemon and slowly finally get something started with him and Pops then he had the patience to win over Jigen. With that in mind he went inside, where Jigen locked himself into the bathroom to try and get himself under control. The gunslinger stood underneath the steaming hot water, his usually fluffy black hair now soaked and limp as he replayed the kiss between him and Lupin over and over again. It was surreal and downright terrifying how incredible it was, how much it made him want to say to hell with it and to go back to Lupin. But again that fear he had came back and stopped him in his tracks, refusing to allow him to make that mistake.

'I can't let that happen again. I won't let it happen again, it was a moment of weakness and I can't afford that.'

He told himself, urging himself to believe it. But as he stood within that shower lost in the turmoil and confusion of his emotions, Jigen Daisuke couldn't help but feel his heart break just a little at the unfairness of it all.

~~~~~

The second person who started to pick and break at his resolve was surprisingly enough Fujiko.

The group had decided to go after another treasure, a diamond known as The Shining Star. A supposed lost treasure that belonged to a royal family back in the day that had disappeared somewhere in the centuries of time. Lupin had managed to get his hands on a map and with his group in tow they made their way towards the destination on the map. However the place they'd gone to was rigged with traps and before long they were desperately trying not to be caught in them. And to add on to it they were of course followed by their inspector and his prodigy and the whole thing went to hell when one of the traps had been set off by Yata accidentally. The floor gave out underneath them separating them from one another.

Jigen had caught a glimpse of Yata falling and Goemon quickly going to try and help him before the two disappeared into one of the areas they'd all fallen into. He heard Lupin shouting Zenigata's name in a panicked manner, his usual nickname Pops being completely forgotten in the thick of everything. And Jigen while falling had grabbed Fujiko and shielded her body with his as they fell into a room separate from the others. The harsh impact of his back hitting the dirty dirt floor nearly made him bite his tongue off and made his back scream in agony not at all appreciative of the sudden contact with the ground. Fujiko was in his arms, her face buried in his chest due to him holding the back of her head to avoid her smacking it off of something while they'd fallen. His hat was somewhere further away from them, having come off during the fall.

Jigen let out a groan of pain and Fujiko moaned a bit as she gathered her bearings. Light brown hues scrunched up in pain and took a moment to process what they were seeing before stunned shock filled them.

"Oh God Jigen are you alright?!? Here let me just-"

Fujiko began to say, her usual catty and calm attitude completely gone in her concern for the man she'd more or less landed on. Scrambling off of him Fujiko began to help Jigen sit up, her expression concerned as he let out a pained hiss between his teeth.

"Fuck that's gonna hurt like a bitch later."

Jigen said his voice tight as he finally sat up completely, ignoring the screaming in his back. With stiff movements Jigen reached up to tug on his hat only to be met with his hair. Dark brown eyes went wide at the missing hat he adored so much.

"Shit-! Where's my hat?!?"

The gunman said pain forgotten as he moved to quickly to look for it. His back however hadn't caught up with him still recovering from the harsh fall and with a sharp pain made Jigen nearly shout in pain.

"Don't move you idiot! You're gonna hurt yourself even more! I'll go look for your hat you just sit still and wait until your back let you move!"

Fujiko said her tone scolding and full of authority. Jigen looked at her, wanting to argue with her but when another twinge of pain shot down his spine he begrudgingly let it go and let her win this argument. Once Fujiko was sure that Jigen wouldn't be moving the woman got up and began to look for the missing fedora. The gunman watched as the cat burglar looked, her expression searching for any hint of it. The sound of her boots against the dirt floor was one of the only sounds they heard save for their breathing. It took a moment before Fujiko let out a small triumph noise and held out his dusty hat to him which he gratefully took from her. Once it was back within his grasp he placed back onto his head, pulling the brim back over his eyes.

"........Thank you."

The gunslinger spoke up after a moment startling the female thief with his thanks.

".......You're welcome. How's your back?"

Fujiko replied trying to keep her shock out of her voice. Jigen experimentally moved slowly and other than a now dull ache he wasn't in much pain anymore.

"It's good, let's get the hell out of here and find Lupin and the others."

Jigen said slowly making his way onto his feet. Once he was standing up fully he brushed the dirt off of his suit, grabbing his lighter from his pocket before taking the lead and walking off into a direction with an ancient doorway. Fujiko was right behind him, silent as a grave and not bothering to say anything. The duo made their way into the darkness, keeping close and careful not to trip on anything, the dull light of the lighter shining through the inky blackness. Jigen kept glancing back to see if Fujiko was still behind him and relieved each time she was. The silence between them was a steady thing, neither of them breaking it. It wasn't exactly an awkward one but it wasn't comfortable either. It was one of those kinds of silences where both parties were in their own thoughts, unsure of how to proceed conversation wise. Not that it wasn't unusual seeing as how Jigen and Fujiko rarely did anything one on one with each other.

"Why?"

Fujiko's voice suddenly broke the silence making Jigen pause in confusion.

"Why what?"

Jigen asked his tone cautious as he turned to look at the woman behind him. He was quickly met with confused and slightly irritated light brown hues, seemingly trying to figure something out.

"Why did you shield me when we fell?"

She elaborated still focused on him. Jigen felt himself stiffen and his mouth went into a thin line.

"I couldn't just let you get hurt. You may be a pain in my ass but that doesn't mean I'm gonna let you break your neck or some shit."

The older man said his tone slightly annoyed at having to explain himself to her. The female thief stared at him, her expression now thoughtful and somewhat cautious before she accepted his answer.

"Well thank you. I appreciate it."

Fujiko said sounding a bit awkward. Jigen couldn't help but feel his lips twitch up at her awkwardness in thanking him. It wasn't often that Fujiko Mine thanked someone.

"No problem. Can't promise you that I'll do it next time though."

The gunman said unable to resist messing with her a bit. Fujiko's head snapped up and her eyes narrowed.

"If that's the case then I can't promise that next time I won't step on her hat."

She responded earning a sharp bark of amusement from Jigen. Fujiko smirked a bit at the sound and the two fell into silence once more, only now it was more comfortable. The two made their way in the dark finally catching some light further ahead. Making their way towards it they finally stumbled upon a room filled with statues of ancient Aztec gods and goddesses, their bodies covered in moss and their faces worn from enduring the weather throughout the eons. A small pool of water surrounded a shrine of sorts and sitting in the middle of a pedestal, having been lost to the Aztec royal family sat the missing Shining Star diamond.

"It's gorgeous-!"

Fujiko breathed stunned her gaze zoning in on it. Jigen gave her a warning look earning a huff from her.

"The royal family knew what they wanted that's for sure."

Jigen commented his gaze flickering around the room for any signs of their missing companions. Fujiko noticed this and watched as Jigen seemed to deflate a bit when he didn't see them.

"They'll show up, Lupin's one of the best."

The female thief said confidently making her companion look over at her.

"I know that they will. It's Lupin he always pulls through."

The gunslinger said fully believing what he said. The younger woman gazed at him, her eyes seemingly seeing right through him.

"Then why are you nervous? Is it because you're afraid that something will happen to Lupin before you tell him that you love him?"

Fujiko questioned not bothering to beat around the bush. Jigen snapped his head towards her, his eyes wide in a deer in headlights kind of way before quickly growing defensive.

"What the hell are you spewing about?? I don't love Lupin!!"

He said denying it only to receive an unamused look from Fujiko.

"Oh yeah you don't love Lupin. No you love Lupin, Goemon and the inspector. Don't try to lie to me Jigen, it's painfully obvious."

The woman said not bothering to be merciful and spare Jigen his pride. Meanwhile the gunman was torn between being pissed at Fujiko for stepping into his business or impressed that she knew him well enough to know such things.

"What are you Sherlock freaking Holmes??? And it's not painfully obvious!!"

Jigen snapped earning another look from Fujiko.

"Jigen. It really is, you look at them like they're the most important things in your world. Even a blind man can see it. There's nothing to be ashamed of."

She said sincerely earning a glare from Jigen. The older man began to open his mouth to argue but she cut him off.

"You're not the only one who's in the same boat, I can promise you that...."

Fujiko said making Jigen stop dead in his tracks as he processed what she'd said. Dark brown eyes met light brown ones as a sudden understanding passed between them. An understanding of two people who weren't really good at love and dealing with it could share. Suddenly Jigen felt his heart twist for the woman realizing that she too was struggling to say something.

"Fujiko...."

He began only to be cut off again.

"I know what it's like, to be afraid to take the chance. It terrifies me to think about letting them know how I feel. You're not alone in this.......and if you ever want to....."

Fujiko trailed off surprisingly honest with everything. Jigen looked at her, seeing her honesty and her attempt to somewhat reach out to him. Her expression was unsure, nervous and scared about putting herself out there somewhat for Jigen, her usual confidence and determination no where in sight. The gunslinger felt his heart twist and without thinking about it he reached out and gently took her hand. Fujiko allowed him, giving it a small squeeze.

"I'll keep that in mind. The same goes for you too."

He said his voice gruff and quiet. He caught her head nodding in acknowledgement to his offer and once again the two went silent. They made their way further into the room and found a place to sit to wait for the others, enjoying their newfound understanding of one another. Fujiko was taken out of the silence by Jigen.

"Ya know they aren't the only ones that I......there's one more......"

He said softly looking into her eyes. A look of understanding dawned on Fujiko's face at what he was saying but also not saying. With a small hesitation she leaned over and gave him a small kiss on his lips, gentle like a butterfly's wings before she was back in her position acting as if nothing happened. Jigen felt his face warm slightly but he didn't say anything or acknowledge it knowing that Fujiko didn't want it to be. She was like him after all and it eased him knowing that he wouldn't have to worry about her facing the same fate as so many others who he fell in love with.

But at the same time his heart yearned for both of them.

The two remained that way until Lupin and the others showed up in the room, roughed up but safe and the duo were relieved. Their hands were no longer in the other's and they didn't dare acknowledge what happened and their strange yet eye opening conversation. Both content to leave it that way. But a new understanding was formed between them, bonding them in the most unlikely way. Fujiko watched as Jigen looked over Lupin and Goemon before checking on Zenigata, his expression ever watchful over them. Then his gaze met hers and she too felt the watchful gaze they experienced. Fujiko had no idea if anything would ever happen between them like what had happened recently, but she knew one thing.

She'd be there for him and she knew that he'd be there for her. And that was enough for the time being.

~~~~~

Goemon was the third one to break through Jigen's defenses.

The samurai and gunslinger duo had gone off into the mountains deep within Japan, the younger man having asked Jigen to join him. Lupin had declined going instead opting to stay with Fujiko where the two would most likely annoy Pops if they saw him. The sounds of the wildlife and breeze surrounded the two men, setting a sense of tranquility and peace around them as they hiked. Goemon was further up ahead, his footsteps silent as a ghost, yet not too far away to where Jigen would get lost. The gunman followed behind him, thinking back on the things that had happened to him. He thought about the kisses he shared with Lupin and Fujiko, and how different they both were from the other. Yet he loved them both and it infuriated him to no end.

Jigen hadn't wanted to let himself fall yet he already lost two battles and ever since then the air between the three of them had changed. Lupin was more affectionate with him, brushing his hand with his or complimenting him sometimes. And Fujiko seemed more at ease with him, being more honest with him and more willing to have private moments with him. He loved it but he also wished that he'd remained stronger than he was. Knowing that he now opened the door to two possibilities and knowing the consequences of his actions should he allow it to go on was eating away at him and making him become conflicted with what he wanted and what he knew was the right choice.

In fact it was because of all of this that Goemon had invited him along to travel with him. The samurai had said that he seemed to be spiritually torn and his mind was distracted by things. So he'd taken it upon himself to get Jigen that much needed cleansing that he needed.

That being meditation in the mountains for a few days.

So there Jigen was hiking up the side of the mountainside, somewhere in Japan, being led by Goemon who didn't make a sound. Then again it was a rather normal thing for the samurai, Goemon had always been rather quiet in the things he did, always obversing silently and always stoic in his ways. If you didn't know Goemon well then he could appear quite imitating to those around him and to complete strangers. But Jigen wasn't some random person, he knew the samurai well and knew that he was more than a silent spectator. The gunslinger found his eyes flickering towards the man further ahead of him, taking note that his usually loose black hair was now up in a ponytail, the tail part of it swaying with his movements. His gaze was solely focused on the trail ahead, fully confident that Jigen could keep up with him on their journey.

Jigen was snapped out of his staring by the sound of a bird chirping loudly from the forest, its call seeming to echo. Goemon's head tilted a bit to listen his expression thoughtful.

"We're almost there. Are you doing alright Jigen?"

The younger man asked glancing back at him. The older man gave him a thumbs up.

"I'm fine, though I'll be better when I can sit my ass down."

The gunman said grinning at the reaction he'd gotten of Goemon's face becoming unamused.

"Crass as always gunman."

He said no real heat in the statement. Jigen let out a small laugh.

"Would you prefer it if I was more polite?"

Jigen asked somewhat sarcastic in the question.

"No.......I prefer you just the way you are."

Goemon said his tone honest. Jigen mentally reeled at the statement and blunt honesty, his heart doing flips in his chest and his stomach erupting with butterflies. With an awkward fumbling he gripped the brim of his hat and pulled it further over his face to hide his suddenly warm face. Goemon watched the action with a soft look, before going onwards to led them to his meditation spot. The two men traveled the rest of the way in a somewhat electrified atmosphere, an unknown tension in the air between them. As they grew closer to their destination Jigen began to hear the sounds of water falling and his earlier embarrassment seemed to die a bit as he curiously listened wondering where it was coming from. He was about to ask Goemon when he finally caught sight of what was making the sounds.

A large waterfall, surrounded by a spring greeted his sight. Large boulders sat around it and in the pond like area. Flowers bloomed in random places adding a peacefulness to the serene sight before him.

"Holy shit."

The gunman said his voice stunned a bit. The samurai seemed to perk up a bit pleased by the reaction.

"I like to come here to clear my head. It's peaceful here.......go ahead and find a place to set up."

Goemon said shooing his companion off towards the landscape before him. Jigen stumbled forward a bit before straightening himself glancing around for a spot for him to meditate. After a bit of searching he turned around to let his partner know that he found a spot when his words died in his throat. Goemon had removed his upper part of his outfit, folding it neatly on one of the nearby boulders, his pale back facing Jigen. Pale skin and muscular shoulders covered in thin light scars filled his vision, making his heart stop in his chest. Goemon went to turn around and Jigen quickly looked away cursing himself for staring. The samurai not noticing the gunman's attention being taken made his way towards the boulder that sat in the middle of the spring, the water from the waterfall covering him as he got himself settled to meditate. All the while Jigen watched unable to stop himself. His brain seemed to stop functioning at the sight of Goemon covered in water. Shaking his head he forced himself to look away and get himself situated to meditate as well.

Crossing his legs together, Jigen settled himself into the position that he seen Goemon get into several times throughout their friendship and closed his eyes trying to clear his mind of everything. At first it was rather difficult considering that he still had the image of Goemon's bare back in his mind but by through sheer force he finally got his mind cleared enough to find himself relaxing and getting lost in his mind. Within his minds eye Jigen found himself thinking about what could be stressing him out so much and what made him so distracted these days. And almost immediately he was bombarded with the memories of the events that happened not to long ago.

His mind replayed images of Lupin in the rays of the sunset on the balcony, his gaze soft and tender towards him. Of his lips on his, and how it felt amazing and wonderful and at the same time unbearable and cruel. Then his mind drifted off to Fujiko, remembering her eyes that held a cautious edge to them when she questioned him and his actions. The honesty and insecurity that she had when she came clean with him, the feeling of her lips, while quick and light had left him feeling warm and understood and at the same time cool and alone. He thought about them and how his heart yearned to once again kiss them, to let them know that he felt the same way towards them. He thought about Goemon and everything he was doing now to try and help him, about his peaceful presence that always seemed to ease Jigen. He thought about Zenigata and his caring words and kind actions. All of it and the sudden feelings that he had buried for years came up, drowning him almost immediately.

Memories of loved ones who stabbed him in the back and how much it hurt to feel so alone and used. Of loved ones dying horrid and unjust deaths all because they loved him and he them. Fears of his friends, the loves of his life ending up in the same position as them, of ending up six feet underneath a tombstone and leaving him alone once again. Of no longer existing within his world, and how it would probably be the thing that would break him completely if decided to take the chance. Jigen felt his heart constrict in pain, crying out to tell them before he couldn't, while his mind refused to allow him to even consider such a selfish thing. The gunslinger felt himself become torn apart by it all and he had no idea what to do, he just wanted it to stop-

"Jigen! Snap out of it!"

A voice stern and concerned snapped him out of his meditation. Jigen came back to the present, his gaze meeting the dark brown hues of Goemon. The samurai was looking at him with a concerned look, his hand gripping Jigen's shoulder with a firm yet gentle grip to steady him.

"Goemon what-"

Jigen began to ask confused as to why the samurai was looking at him in that way.

"You.....you were uh...."

Goemon began to say, awkwardly gesturing towards his face. Confused Jigen reached up to touch his own face and was met with tears. Horror and embarrassment filled him as he realized that he'd been crying while meditating. Quickly turning away from Goemon, Jigen went to wipe his face when he felt Goemon grab his chin and gently turn him back to face him. Jigen looked up slowly and was startled by the burning dark brown hues looking at him.

"Jigen......you don't have to hide from me. I'm here for you.......even if you don't think so I am......so please whatever is hurting you......don't try and hide it from me."

The samurai said his tone soft and soothing, sincerity ringing through it. It was a rare occurrence for Goemon to show this side of him, the side that was willing to be strong for others emotionally. Jigen stared at him, taking in his face and his expression. The gunman noted every little detail he could, burning it to his memories just as he did with Lupin and Fujiko. Every mark, every imperfection, everything that made Goemon who he was was memorized. The gunslinger didn't think about his next actions, running purely on what his heart was telling him at that moment. Leaning up Jigen pressed his lips against Goemon's in a chaste kiss. The samurai stiffened for only a moment before kissing him back hesitantly, almost shyly. It didn't last long just simple and filled with emotions that were running rampant. Jigen pulled away from Goemon and with a shaky breath rested his head on his shoulder.

Goemon didn't comment on it, nor did he comment on the sudden trembling from the other man. Instead he silently let him have his moment, knowing that he needed it more than anything. The samurai rubbed his shoulder gently, lost in his thoughts as Jigen essentially fell apart. He thought about everything he knew about Jigen and how his partner would look at Lupin and the rest of them. About the longing looks and the almost slight hint of fear that always laid beneath it. Jigen Daisuke was a man who was rude, he was someone who kept everyone at a distance and refused to acknowledge things like his feelings. He'd been through a lot in the realm of love and it made the samurai want to try and protect him in a way. Much like with Fujiko, Goemon wanted nothing more than to keep these things away from Jigen, to let Jigen know that he didn't have to be afraid of taking that leap.

But just like with Fujiko, Goemon knew that Jigen had to take things at his own pace. He had to be the one to face these fears and decide whether he believed what they all shared was something that was worth the risk. It would be hard and it was obviously tearing Jigen up inside, but Goemon knew that in the end his companion would make the best choice. And the samurai was determined to stand by his side for better or for worse. The two remained like that for a long time, yet they were in no hurry to end it.

Just having each other to lean on in that moment was all they needed.

~~~~~

The final strike to Jigen's defenses of his attempts at keeping his heart out of everything was from none other than Zenigata.

It'd been a good while since Jigen had shared those kisses with Lupin, Fujiko and Goemon. A good while since he may or may not have let himself slip when it came to his feelings. Ever since those kisses Jigen had been in a constant struggle with himself. With every passing day the once okay existence he lived contentedly was no longer enough for him. He found himself craving more, found himself wanting to slowly once again take that terrifying step into a territory that for the longest time left him with nothing but heartache and grief. Like an addict driven into a withdrawal, Jigen Daisuke found himself getting more and more restless and frustrated with himself and everything that was his life. He was frustrated by his weak will to remain strong, frustrated that he wanted all those things he'd fantasized about, frustrated that instead of being unattainable they were suddenly within his reach, calling out to him like a siren that was waiting to drown him for foolishly giving in.

And it didn't help that Lupin and the others seemed to know on some level that Jigen loved them, whether he said it out loud or not. That on some level they knew him well enough to let him figure things out himself, yet always remaining somewhat close enough to let him know that they were there for him. Silently offering him support and understanding for the fears he held, patiently waiting for Jigen to figure out if he was ready for love again or not, completely content to just be with him in some way. He hated it, he hated that it made him want to give in, that it made him want to take a chance possible consequences be damned. He hated that it made his heart want to fight against logic and everything that he knew.

He hated that it made him fall more in love with them.

So like many sensible people who were in an emotional shitshow like his, he did the one thing he could do without thinking about it.

He went to a bar and drank.

Drank away the frustration, drank away the confusion and the conflict that seemed to follow him wherever he went. He drank to the point where he couldn't think straight anymore, to where he couldn't feel the whirlwind of anguish that inflicted him. The gunman sat at the bar, his hand shaking from all the alcohol he consumed. He'd lost count after awhile and he forgotten how long he had been in the bar, time seemingly having to blend together. He didn't notice the bartender coming up to him until he spoke.

"Hey pal, I'm cutting you off. I think you should head home."

The bartender said his voice somewhat pitying and gentle. Jigen grumbled and drunkenly went to stand up to chew the bartender out for cutting him off when another voice, this one much gruff and familiar filled his ears.

"Jesus Christ, you look like shit."

The voice said the sentence blunt and crude but for some reason Jigen could sense even in his drunken stupor that it was also worried about him. He didn't bother responding with words instead making some kind of gurgling mumbling sound.

"Oh do you know him?"

The bartender asked his voice sounding muffled to Jigen.

"Yeah, I know him. He's a.....friend of mine. Thank you for taking care of him but I'll take over from here."

The gruff voice said sounding closer to Jigen than he realized. The man didn't hear the bartender's reply instead focusing on the large but gentle hands helping him up off of his bar stool.

"Watch your step, good now lean on me.....there ya go. Now let's get you to bed yeah?"

The familiar voice asked before helping Jigen out of the bar. He didn't remember the trip much, only flashes of blurry memories and words of encouragement. Before he could even process everything Jigen was placed on a bed and he was out like a light before his head hit the pillow.

Jigen was awoken by the most God awful headache he'd ever had. The harsh throbbing of his head made everything hurt and he struggled to open his eyes. With effort Jigen finally opened his eyes and was met with the sight of a motel bedroom. It was small and obviously not very good given by the state of it. For one horrifying moment Jigen was hit with the thought of possibly going home with someone but those fears were put to rest when he noticed that he was still in his clothes and the lack of body next to him. With slow movements Jigen pushed himself up out of the bed, seeing an empty trashcan near the bed and a glass of water with a pain pill next to it. Without much thought he grabbed the pill and downed it, trying not to get nauseous. Now more awake Jigen looked around the room and finally processed that someone was sleeping in the rather crappy motel chair. Hunched up on a rather small and old chair was Zenigata.

The inspector was fast asleep, his body curled up in a way that Jigen knew was probably going to hurt when he woke up. He was dressed in his usual clothes, minus his trademark trenchcoat which was being used as a pillow for his head and his hat which was placed on a rather cheaply made coffee table. The large man was snoring softly, completely at ease with having an ex assassin asleep in his bed. What little sunshine that broke through the old dusty blinds shined onto his face, showing just how peaceful he was. Jigen gazed at him, taking in the lack of frustrated scowl he usually wore around them. Instead his face was smooth, save for the smile lines that were forever in his face. His chest rose and fell slowly, as he snoozed away unaware of his guest being up. Jigen ran a hand through his hair as he realized that the person who helped him from the bar had been Pops, and suddenly the empty trashcan and water with the pain pill made a lot more sense. If Jigen had to take a guess, Pops had probably stayed up with him all night to make sure that he didn't choke on his vomit or hurt himself in his drunken daze.

Once again Jigen felt himself be taken aback by the inspector's kindness. Pops had no reason to help Jigen yet he did, he helped him to his motel room and took care of him, possibly not sleeping himself and keeping a watchful eye on him. It was bizarre but so much like Pops that Jigen couldn't help but feel his throat tighten slightly at the small gesture of kindness shown towards him.

"If you keep looking at me like that I'm gonna have to assume that you're planning on killing me."

Zenigata's voice startled the younger man, his gaze snapping up to see that the inspector was awake, his eyes sleepily looking at him.

"If I wanted to kill you I would have already done it."

Jigen quipped back, his voice scratchy and gruff. The older man let out a hum of agreement before stretching his body out. The sound of joints cracking and of a pained hiss through teeth came from the larger man as he stood up from the chair, his face drawn into discomfort. Jigen felt a pang of guilt hit him at the sight before he was pulled away from it.

"Do you think you can stomach anything? I've got a few things of protein bars that you can have till I can get breakfast."

Pops said his voice gruff but soft as he patiently waited for Jigen to get his bearings.

"Uh yeah sure thing Pops thanks....."

The gunslinger muttered as Zenigata went to get it for him. Being passed a few bars Jigen began to eat at them, picking at them while Pops went to order breakfast from a nearby place that did deliveries. While the inspector placed the order Jigen watched silently as he munched on his bar. The older man hung up the phone once he was done and finally turned to Jigen.

"Mind telling me why you were getting shitfaced at a bar last night? Alone might I add?"

The inspector asked not bothering to try and ease into it. Jigen froze a bit at the questions, not sure if he wanted to answer them or not. After a moment of silence he finally spoke up.

"Wanted to get drunk and forget about some stuff. Didn't mean for it to get as far as it did."

Jigen said his mouth somewhat full of food. Pops gave Jigen a disapproving look.

"Getting drunk can only do so much for stuff like that Jigen. You could have really gotten hurt last night with how wasted you were. If I hadn't been passing by........"

Pops said trailing off as he went grim. Jigen felt himself bristle at it and sent Zenigata a glare.

"I'm a grown ass man Pops, I can take care of myself. Have you forgotten what my old job was?"

The younger man asked his tone somewhat snippy. Zenigata paid no mind to it, being used to Jigen's defensive nature.

"I'm not saying you can't take care of yourself, but you and I both know that despite having the ability to do so you wouldn't have been able to being as wasted as you were. No one would have been able to. You need to be more careful with that stuff, how do you think Lupin and the others would feel if you got hurt?"

Pops questioned wanting Jigen to understand what he was saying. The gunslinger flinched at the mention of Lupin and the others and Zenigata was quick to take notice of the action. The larger man felt a sense of foreboding hit him and with a somewhat concerned and hesitant look he spoke.

"Did something happen between you guys?"

The inspector asked carefully watching Jigen and his reactions. The younger man was frozen in his spot, his posture somewhat tense as he silently chewed his bar. He refused to make eye contact with the inspector confirming to him that something happened between Jigen and the others. A moment of conflicting feelings hit the man, as he pondered whether he should keep questioning Jigen or if he should leave well enough alone. Glancing at the man sitting in his bed he carefully thought things out not wanting to upset him especially since he was still suffering from a hangover. With a deep sigh Zenigata came to a decision.

"If you don't want to talk about it then I won't force you to, but if something's wrong I would like to help you in anyway I can if you'll allow me."

Zenigata said making Jigen's gaze snap onto him, his dark brown eyes wide with surprise. The gunman's gaze bore into the inspector, surprise and an unreadable emotion in them. Pops deeming it a good time to let Jigen process things began to start gathering a few of his clothes from his suitcase.

"I'm going to take a shower and if you want you can after me. There's more protein bars in the box by the doorway, and there's a couple of bottles of water in the little fridge if you get thirsty."

Pops explained gesturing towards each area that the things were located, after earning a nod from Jigen the cop made his way to the bathroom and shut the door to get a shower. Once the sounds of running water came from the bathroom Jigen relaxed a bit and took a moment to figure out his next move. He was taken out of his thoughts by the sound of his phone going off from his jacket pocket which was hanging off a nearby chair. Getting up on shaky wobbly legs he made his way towards his jacket and flipped open his phone to be greeted by several messages and a few missed calls. All from the very people he was drinking to forget about.

'Jigen where did you go? You didn't say you were going out? A.L.III.'

'Jigen you're really starting to worry me please respond to at least let us know that you're not hurt or anything. A.L.III'

'Jigen answer the phone Lupin's going nuts over here and Goemon's not doing too well either. F.M.'

And many other texts filled his screen. Jigen cursed feeling like an ass for ignoring his partners. Jigen went to the call app and pulled up Lupin's number ready to hit the call button before hesitating. Lupin was probably extremely pissed at him as well as Fujiko and Goemon. Would they even want to hear from him? Or would they rather he just not call them? What would he even say to them? That he went out drinking to forget that he was in love with them all and all of his horrid past experiences with it made him terrified to even tell them? Jigen groaned running his hand over his face as he tried to figure out what to do. He was so deep in his thoughts that he didn't notice Zenigata coming out of the bathroom with his hair wet and a confused look on his face.

"Is there a reason why I'm getting messages from Lupin this early in the morning?"

Pops asked making Jigen jump in a startled manner.

"Fuck Pops don't scare me like that- wait Lupin's messaged you?"

Jigen began to rant before catching what Zenigata's question was. The older man nodded showing Jigen his phone where a rather recent message conversation had been started.

'Hey Pops is Jigen with you? He won't answer his phone and we're getting worried. A.L.III.'

'Yeah he's with me, he didn't tell you that he was going out? Z.K.'

'No he didn't, thanks Pops for keeping him overnight. We'll be by to pick him up! A.L.III.'

Jigen felt his gut sink as he read the message. Lupin was coming to get him.

He wasn't ready to see Lupin yet.

Fuck.

Seeing the look on Jigen's face was the last straw for Zenigata.

"Jigen what's going on? I don't want to be nosy but obviously something is seriously wrong here and I want to know what this is all about."

Pops said sternly. Jigen felt his panic and frustration hit him again and before he could think it through he burst. He told Zenigata about everything that's been going on from the kisses he shared to the frustration he was feeling to be overwhelmed by it all. Surprisingly Zenigata quietly listened to him, not making a comment until he was sure that Jigen was done. The gunman was panting by the time he was finished having been emotional spent and his headache monstrous. The inspector watched him his face soft and understanding as he finally spoke to him.

"Jigen, love is a scary thing, but it's also beautiful. Love isn't easy and it hurts and makes us all afraid at one point or another in our lives. Yet it's also worth it, love is what makes life more sweeter than it is, love is what gives us strength and the courage to keep going. Don't be afraid to let yourself be happy Jigen, cause you don't know when you'll lose your chance at it."

The older man said his tone soft and passionate, leaving Jigen floored. The younger man had never thought about it in the way that Pops explained it, focusing only on the past rather than what was currently going on. As this revelation hit him Zenigata spoke once again, his hand grabbing Jigen's shoulder in a gentle yet affectionate manner.

"I know you're scared and while I don't know everything you've been through I know without a shadow of a doubt that if you talk to Lupin and the others about it, that it'll all work out in the end. Just be honest with them."

Zenigata said offering a smile to him. Jigen felt his heart skip at the smile, touched by the understanding and kindness that Pops once again showed. He wasn't expecting such wisdom from the inspector but it was a wisdom that he didn't know he needed until he heard it. Jigen couldn't help but smile a bit back.

"Thanks Pops. You're right."

Jigen said. Pops patted his shoulder in a comforting way before stepping back a bit.

"Anytime. You should get cleaned up before Lupin gets here, I'll let you all go without arresting ya this time but next time you'll be in cuffs."

Pops said with a large determined smile. Jigen couldn't help but laugh at the look, endeared by it. It was such a Zenigata thing to say and it was honestly a welcomed thing after everything.

"I'll keep that in mind Pops, oh by the way I forgot something."

Jigen said earning a confused head tilt from the inspector.

"Huh? What did you-"

Zenigata began to say before his mouth was covered by Jigen's. The older man went bright red and before he could process it Jigen was already heading towards the bathroom to shower, a smirk on his face.

"Thanks again Zenigata."

Jigen said using his actual name leaving Zenigata a flustered red mess that highly entertained him. As Jigen got himself ready to shower he finally felt something different than what he had been feeling for a very long time.

He felt a sense of hope.

He knew that it would take him a long time to truly be at ease with everything, that his issues with love wouldn't just disappear overnight. That it would take work to make it work, but Jigen knew what he wanted now. Pops had in a way gave him the kick in the ass he needed and lit up the flames of hope for the first time in forever. Jigen was still terrified of what could happen in the future and he didn't think it'd ever change but........

As long as he had the ones he loved with him every step of the way, he had a feeling that everything would be okay.

Jigen: Do you have time? Can we talk? Goemon: Sure. Jigen: Do you want to catch dinner and a movie with me? Goemon: Did you get me flowers and chocolate too? Jigen: Flowers and mitarashi dango. Goemon: Aren’t you the romantic.