#jiff

It’s been a week since Sam had disappeared off the face of the Earth with the BB that he was supposed to bring to the incinerator. God knows where the man was but John found that he did not mind that in the slightest. So long as Sam was alive and well, he was fine with it. After all, Sam had always been a lone wolf.  

Not to mention he also had to attend to the many tasks that came with being President of the UCA. So he wasn’t exactly left with enough time to attempt searching and investigating Sam’s whereabouts. He could send out some porters but they were as busy as it is and the UCA needed all the porters right now to move this country forward.

Still even as he tried to keep busy with his duty, the nightmares plague his dreams still, always looping from the very beginning of watching his Captain die over and over again right in front of him. Sometimes it was just the Captain, other times it would have both the Captain and Sam dead on the floor.

Every night, he would wake up with sweat dotting his forehead and tears brimming in his eyes. Guilt ate at his soul. He would always blame himself for not being able to protect and save his Captain, his son and his wife.

Poor Lisa. He wished there was some way to save her but it was clear that she was brain dead before he even arrived to visit the Captain and his son and there would be no saving her. But even when it came to the Captain and his son, he couldn’t even save them. He shook his head and gave a sad chuckle. It was always his Captain that saved him time and time again from the battlefields that the brass sent them out to but when it came to him saving his Captain and his son, he failed miserably.

He was Die-Hardman because he couldn’t die easily but when it came to the people around him, they would drop like flies all because he was weak.  

He was not like his Captain. Brave and ready to face danger and death in the face. He wasn’t like Cliff’s son, Sam. A repatriate and a person with DOOMS. Like he left in his recorded message before he was summoned to Amelie’s Beach, he was just a man. Nothing more.

A weak man. A worthless soldier.

A few tears managed to escape and rolled down his cheeks as he sat there on his bed in the pitch black darkness of his private room. A sob slipped past his lips and then another as he started to break down, clutching onto the sheets as he trembled.

He made an oath that he would do the best he could as President of the UCA. But he feared that he would even fail that job. After all, he failed his Captain. The man he still loved dearly to this very day.

At first, that love was familial but then it started to change over the coming years. It became something more but he didn’t dare tell the Captain then. It would not do anyone any good if he tried to pursue a relationship with the Captain and the Captain himself had fallen in love with Lisa.

He swore he was never going to be a homewrecker and while he ached of his lost love, he did not mind settling as friends with the Captain and his girlfriend who would later become his wife. They took him in, accepted him in their little family. Bless Lisa. She was the kindest person he had ever met and he knew she would have been a good mother if she had not ended up in that accident that would render her brain-dead.

Unfortunately, he lost contact with them when Bridget Strand made him her presidential advisor. The only time he would ever see them again was in that room and in the worst circumstances possible.

Seeing her in that glass capsule hurt him just as much as it hurt his Captain.

He lets out another sob, more tears falling onto the sheets.

“I’m sorry, Captain. I failed you and your family. I should have just taken you and Sam out, not leave you to find a way out on your own. I should have listened to my heart rather than my brain. And now I lost you.” He sobs.

“I still love you, you know. I never told you because it would just be wrong of me to interfere in your relationship with your wife.”

But he knew his Captain would never hear his words. All he had now were just ghosts of the past. He was all alone. Would be until the day he died.

If only he knew that there was a ghost from his past literally in his room.

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Cliff watched with sorrowful eyes and a heavy heart as the soldier he once took in and trained sobbed his eyes out. He had grown older. No longer was he the brave but cocky and reckless young man but rather a hardened but broken man.

The silver-haired man had always suspected that John had feelings for him. He had noticed when the first time when the man started to act differently around him. Even catching him blushing whenever he got too close to him.

So to hear John finally admit it wasn’t that surprising.

Truth be told, he also had started to fall for the other man. But he was the Captain and he had to focus on keeping his team alive. There was no time for any relationships. But yet he fell in love with Lisa. Even when he fell for the woman who would become his wife, his heart still had space for the other man even if he didn’t act on it. Bless his wife. Lisa was just as sharp as he was and noticed how John and he would act around each other and was just understanding of their relationship. She did not mind that he kept John in his heart just as he kept her in his.

As she told him, he had big heart for the both of them.

Funny that he, a man who was good at dividing others, had such a big heart.

Hearing John sob his heart out made his no longer beating heart ache. He just couldn’t sit back and watch the soldier and the man he still loved break apart.

Walking over silently, Cliff slowly manifested into the physical world then sat on the edge of the bed, reaching a hand out and resting it on John’s shoulder.

John stiffened then. What was this weight on his shoulder? Why did it feel like his bed had dipped to one side?

Looking up, John’s eyes widened when he saw the man right in front of him.

“C-Captain Unger? But you’re… you’re dead.” John muttered in disbelief.

Yet here was the Captain right before his very eyes.

“I am. I’m a ghost that is haunting this world now John. I’m not like those… things. I can’t rest. Not when I’ve finally found my son.” Cliff explains. And you.

More tears rolled down John’s cheeks. “Are you here to kill me? If you do, I won’t resist. After all, I deserve it after what I’ve done.”

Cliff shook his head, clearly not happy of John blaming himself to the point that he was willing to die for his sins. “John… what happened wasn’t your fault.”

“I. Shot. You!”

“Bridget did. You were the gun John. She was the one who pulled the trigger. Who manipulated your love and loyalty to her and filled you with guilt.”

The other man shook his head. “No. No, you don’t understand.” He chokes out. “Even if I didn’t pull the trigger, I should have done more. I should have just gotten you and Sam out instead of just overriding the security systems and giving you a small window to get out. I should have known better that escaping that Bridges facility would be harder than expected.”

“John…”

“Why don’t you hate me!? I failed you Captain! I failed you, your wife and your son!” He cried out.

Cliff could hear the silent words behind those cries. Hear John shout that he did not deserve his love. Did not deserve him.

Without speaking, Cliff pulled John into a tight hug, a hand on the small of John’s back and the other on the back of John’s neck, tucking John’s head underneath his chin. “I never hated you John. You did what you could. You were trapped in between loyalties to me or Bridget. And when it came down to it, I never wanted you to suffer if you fail to obey the President then.” He said.

“But…”

“Ssshhh. Enough of your self-loathing. Again, let me be clear once more. I never hated you John. In fact, I have and will always love you.” He said softly smiling as he finally confessed to John of his true feelings.

John stilled, stunned at what he had just heard. Was he mishearing things?

“You… You love me?”

“Yes. I started to fall for you back when we were still in the army even when I fell for Lisa. Lisa knew too. She didn’t mind that I still held feelings for you even after we had gotten married. It never changed even after I died.” Cliff whispered before then planting a soft kiss on John’s temple.

John’s arms wrapped around Cliff, tightening his hold on him and clutching onto Cliff as if he were his lifeline. It just felt like a dream. It had to be.

But he could feel the solid frame of his Captain, feel how cold he is. And he noticed that the Captain’s chest never rose or fell. The Captain was dead yes but for some reason, he was able to physically manifest in the world of the living.

“I-I love you.” John chokes out. “I never stopped too.”

Cliff then smiled, “You should sleep. You’re a busy man now.” Cliff joked.

John shakes his head. “And you can still be the jokester when you want to be.” He laughs, wiping the tears from his eyes.

They both fell back onto the bed, with Cliff shifting slightly to let John lay his head on his chest. It was strange not hearing the Captain’s heartbeat. But the man after all was dead so it wasn’t too surprising. “Sleep, John. Now.” He heard Cliff speak up sternly.