#jflem

You took the next day off, texting Paul that you weren’t feeling well and wouldn’t be in, for him to relay the message to the rest of the staff.

It wasn’t the most professional, but it’s what you could manage.

You’d barely slept, tossing and turning all night, feeling nauseated and then terrified. Watching the minutes and then the hours tick by you knew you couldn’t go to training.

You finally emerged from your bed, moving to the couch where you continued to stare at the ceiling. You were stuck between trying to convince yourself this was real, and trying to convince yourself it wasn’t.

The couch consumed you as you laid motionless. You could hear your phone vibrating on the kitchen counter, likely your teammates checking in on you, probably at least a message from Jessie. You ignored them, only communicating with Paul and the coaching staff.

The thought of Jessie brought on a new wave of nerves. It wasn’t just you in this situation, she was, unknowingly, involved. You needed to tell her, you would. Tomorrow.

Tomorrow quickly became two days later, then three, then four. Four days you remained cooped up in your home, claiming you weren’t feeling well to Paul who had just become increasingly worried with time.

Paul: Please come in, even if it’s after hours when no one is here.

Paul: I haven’t shared anything with anyone yet, it’s not my place, but everyone is worried about you.

You’d simply responded saying you weren’t ready, not yet. Would you ever be ready, probably not, but for now you could take more time. He continued to text as the days went on

Paul: Just a fair warning, sounds like the girls are planning to drop off a get well basket.

Paul: Call me please.

Within those texts from Paul, were other messages from teammates, all wondering if you were okay. A couple of them offer to make grocery runs for you, picking up anything you might need to feel better.

And then there were messages from Kylie.

Kylie 🌪️: Hope you’re feeling better, give me a call if you need anything.

Kylie 🌪️: What’s up with you? I’ve never seen you take off 2 days.

Kylie 🌪️: stomach flu seems like some bullshit

Kylie 🌪️: Paul’s being weird about it too..

Kylie 🌪️: did you fail your doping?

Kylie 🌪️: Call me please, or I’ll show up there.

And then of course, the ones from Jessie.

A couple from the first day you were “sick”.

Jessie: Had fun last night, go again this afternoon after recovery?

Jessie: Hey sorry, ignore that, I didn’t realize you were sick and out today. Hope you’re feeling better!

A couple from the days following.

Jessie: Out again? Must be bad, let me know if you need anything.

Jessie: Hey are you alright? Paul said you’re just sick, but you’re responding to him but no one else?

Jessie: Are you alive?

Jessie: You’re not leaving the club are you? Your contract isn’t up yet.

It was now four days since you found out. Four days since you’d been in the facility, four days since you learned you were growing another human, four days since everything you knew and had imagined for your life was thrown out the window.

Four days since you’d started hiding from everyone, including Jessie. But you couldn’t anymore. So she was on her way over, you’d sent a vague text encouraging her to come to your place.

You thought your heart stopped when you finally heard the knock on your door. She was here. You were frozen, the room so quiet all you heard was the ticking of the wall clock behind you before the pounding on the door came again along with the sound of Jessie calling your name through the wood.

Pushing up from where you were sitting you drag your suddenly very heavy feet across the floor and to the door, trying to relax yourself as your hand reaches the doorknob.

“Hey, how are you?” Jessie asks, giving you a once over with her eyes as you open the door. You do the same to her.

Her curls are held stable by a black baseball hat, her cheeks slightly pink, likely from her bike over to your place. She’s wearing one of your favorite shirts and the shorts that shape her thighs and ass perfectly. If she’d come over under any other circumstances, you’d be pulling both pieces of clothing off of her the second the door closed.

“You need to wear a helmet.” It was something you’d harped on her for years. She was too smart and talented to risk a serious head injury, but she continued to bike without one.

“I know.” She quickly changed the subject. “So are you feeling better? Ready to come back to the real world with the rest of us?”

You nod and wave her in, not able to bring yourself to lie to her anymore. “I just needed to talk to you.”

“Oh.” She follows you through the door, toeing off her shoes and entering the kitchen behind you. She doesn’t say anything else yet, you don’t expect her too. Jessie was one to go quiet in moments of uncertainty or unease. You’d imagine she was feeling a bit of both.

You stand in the kitchen, your hands fiddling with your water bottle that rested on the counter. You felt nauseous again, knowing you were about to completely turn your teammate and your friend’s life upside down. “I don’t even know how to, how to explain, everything.”

She nods, you can feel her staring at you. When you don’t speak for a while she dips her head to look at you. “Are you okay? What’s doing on?”

Tears begin to well, a feeling you’ve become all too familiar with in the past few days. “Jessie, it’s, I’ve just been, uh,” you stutter, trying to get words out. You bite your bottom lip hard, trying to will away the tears and compose yourself. “I uh,” Before you can finish Jessie interrupts.

“What is that?” She points and your stomach drops. You don’t even have to ask what she’s looking at based on where her gaze was locked behind you. Her face now a paler shade than it was minutes ago.

She’d seen the ultrasound. No fault but your own, you laid it out, along with the test, with the intention of showing her, after you told her.

Panic sets in and your can’t think of the right words, or any words as she abandons her place in the kitchen and walks over to your table. Delicately she lifts the photo. You feel frozen as you watch her eyes rapidly scan across the image.

“What is this?” Jessie obviously knew what she was holding between her now less than steady hands. She looks between you and the photo a couple of times, picking up the test as well. Your throat is dry.

You can’t meet her eyes and you can’t bring yourself to tell her. Your glazed over stare at the floor and the way your hands pick at the hem of your shirt tells Jessie exactly what she is looking at.

“Your name is on it.” She mumbles. “You’re pregnant.”

The words fall heavy between the two of you. Neither of you move, the silence hurting your ears. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go.

“Is it, is it mine?” She points at your stomach and your eyes catch the way her hand is still shaking. “The baby?”

The audacity of the questions snaps you from your stare at the floor. It also breaks loose the flood of frustration and fear you’d been holding in for days. You take a few pointed steps in Jessie direction.

“Seriously?” You run your fingers across your forehead before throwing your hands up. “Of course it’s fucking yours, God what do you think I’m doing, just fucking a bunch of people? We had an agreement Jessie, I’m not sleeping with anyone else, so yeah it’s your baby!”

Jessie looks shocked by your outburst. “Why are you yelling at me?”

“Because I don’t know what to do!” The overwhelming weight of the situation finally collapses on you as you let out a mangled sob. “and I’m so, I’m so fucking scared.” You sniffle, you were so sick of crying. “I just, I’m sorry.”

You move to sit at the table, your forehead resting on the wood as tears puddle on the wooden surface beneath. Behind you, Jessie opens a cabinet behind you before she brings a glass of water over to you. She leaves again, coming back with a box of tissues.

“I’m sorry.” You choke out between gasps for air. Not sure if you were apologizing for the baby, for hiding it, or for yelling at her you just continue to mutter the words between gasps. She didn’t deserve to be yelled at, she didn’t deserve your unfiltered emotions, your panic, it wasn’t her fault. “I’m so sorry.”

She’s silent again, and then you hear the chair adjacent to you scape along the floor and Jessie seats herself. She doesn’t say anything, she hardly moves.

The tears continue to flow, your nose now stuffed forcing you to breathe through your mouth. You reach for a tissue, blowing your nose and for a second you think you can speak. “Jess,” you try to manage her name but it gets caught in your throat and comes out shaky, sending you back into a wracking sob.

You have no idea how long it’s been when your eyes feel like they’ve run dry. Was it a few minutes, was it an hour, you had no clue how long you cried and how long Jessie sat motionless at the table while you did.

When you’re finally able to calm down, you glance at Jessie. Her face resembles a level of calm that you’d not expect from someone who just learned they’d created a baby. She’s still holding the ultrasound between her fingers, her eyes trained on it. You imagine she’s in shock. Her eyes break their trance and flicker to you.

“God.” Jessie’s fingers push painfully into her eyes before she drags them down her cheeks, looking at you. “We were so careful.”

“I know.” You hardly have a voice, it’s raspy and sore.

“Even the one time we weren’t, we got you the pill.” She turns the test between her fingers again, as if it will change the result.

“I know.” You repeat yourself. “I’m so sorry.” You manage to sniffle out. Jessie sighs.

“It’s okay, I mean, it’s not, because holy shit.” She monotonously states. Jessie lets her head fall into her hands. “But, it’ll be okay, right?” She turns to look at you between her fingers.

“Are you trying to convince yourself or reassure me?” You turn your head against your forearms and look at her sideways.

A crack of a smile is across her face for a second before it drops and she shakes her head. “I don’t know.”

“When did you find out?” That was the thing you dreaded second most, right behind telling her you were pregnant, telling her how long you’d known and not told her.

You explain your past week to Jessie, the presumed failed doping test, the retest, the pregnancy test, almost fainting in the bathroom, Paul, hiding away in your apartment, all of it.

“Um, so have you thought about your choice?” You’d been waiting for her to ask, to clarify that you were even considering keeping the baby. It was the question that had kept you up almost every night.

On one hand you were young, only 25, your career was really starting to flourish. Having a baby would slow you down, put you out a season, maybe more. But on the other hand, you were young. You could bounce back easier, you still had plenty of quality years ahead of you even if you had to take a season or two off.

Not having the baby would let your career continue on as you envisioned it. There wouldn’t be the changes to your body, the constant wake ups in the night, the strollers, and the diaper bag, none of that would happen. You knew you could make it as if you were never pregnant, you had that choice.

If you had the baby, you’d lose time playing for the international team, but it also wasn’t a major tournament window, you would be missing friendlies. Quickly thinking about your teammates who had become mom’s you do the math. You could be back almost a year before serious World Cup prep even started.

You had always liked the idea of a family, a couple kids, a wife, but that wasn’t what this was. There was no wife, just a friend, no house, just your one bedroom apartment, you hadn’t planned or prepared anything. This wasn’t the vision you had, this was you, and a teammate you weren’t even in love with, creating an accident.

You laid awake, night after night, staring at your ceiling fan, hoping it would spell out the right choice for you. Of course after a couple hours you realized it couldn’t be anyone else’s decision, it had to be yours. Tossing and turning you curse yourself, occasionally Jessie, the universe as a whole for your situation. You still couldn’t believe that you were pregnant.

It was only yesterday that everything had become more real.

You’d woken up and realized you had no choice but to face this. You had gathered the courage to click on Paul’s messages, typing quickly before you could change your mind. Your thumbs shook slightly as they found the letters on the screen.

You: Can I come in this afternoon?

It was only seconds before he replied.

Paul: Of course, just me? Or team doctor too?

“Everyone’s done with treatment, a couple girls are upstairs finishing tactical review.” Paul says as he ushers you into the building using a side door. You were grateful for his discretion regarding the pregnancy. For now the less people who knew the better. He made his way to his office, closing the door behind you and locking it.

He gestured to the chairs and you plopped into it.

“How are you?” He had asked.

You almost scoffed at the question and Paul had held his hands up, “I know silly question, but seriously where’s your head at?”

You looked down, picking at the skin of your thumb as you felt tears begin to well in your eyes. “I’m not sure.” You could feel the tightness in your throat building with every fleeting second. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Are you considering continuing the pregnancy? Of course that’s entirely up to you, just asking.”

You glanced at him, his gaze was soft, gentle, as if you were an animal he was trying not to scare. You didn’t want to be looked at like that. Gazes of sympathy and pity were not something you wanted. Looking back at your hands you shrug. “Maybe.”

“Okay.” His voice held no judgement, but that didn’t make you any less terrified. “Did you talk to anyone about it?”

“No.”

“Do you want to? A teammate or family member maybe, is there anyone who should know?” He suggests.

“No, not until I know what I’m doing.” There was no reason to tell anyone if there wasn’t going to be a baby to tell them about. Especially your family, especially Jessie. No one needed to know.

“If you want, I can call in a favor to Dr. Stevens, you might remember her from the other girl’s pregnancies. She’s the OB, we can see if she can get you in for an ultrasound. If you want that, it can be helpful in the decision making process.”

You quickly sat on the table, knees bouncing as you stared intensely into the door, waiting for it to crack open. It had just been a few hours since you were sitting in Paul’s office and now here you were, naked from the waist down, waiting for the doctor to come back.

Dr. Stevens had been more than willing to get you into her office, offering you an appointment at the end of the day to talk about the options. She ran through each possibility with you, most of it going in one ear and out the other as you tried to nod along as if you were focused. Too many medical terms, too many contingencies, too many options, far too many decisions for you to rationalize in the state you were in.

Ultimately, you learned your options were limited by how far along you were which led you to now, sitting waiting for an ultrasound. An ultrasound that would tell you what you could do, what options you still had, an ultrasound that would tell you how long you’d been carrying a baby.

Everything felt off. The sterile room is too bright, too clean. The table you were sitting on, too high from the ground, too hot and too cold at the same time. The crinkling paper that you sat on was too loud, too scratchy. The posters on the wall showing the various growth stages of a baby and the one adjacent that showed dilation stages was too real.

There’s a soft knock on the door before it opens and Dr. Stevens was back in the room. “Ready?” She asked as she moved over to the ultrasound wand. Rolling a cover onto it and generously covering it in lube, your face must’ve given away your hesitation. “I promise it looks worse than it is, if you have any discomfort, please let me know.”

She inserted the wand and began clicking around on the monitor. Fixating on the tile above the exam table, you tried to think about anything else.

You tried to think about vacation, your family, anything, but all that came to mind was what your life would look like with a baby. What would your career become? Would you have a career? How would Jessie react? Would she even want you to have the baby?

You winced as she shifted the probe and it brought your mind back to reality as Dr. Stevens politely apologized, letting you know she’d be done soon. “Since we’re still exploring our options, do you want to see the screen?”

Then last night, you were laying sleepless again when a wave of nausea started to build, you moved to your bathroom, wetting a cold washcloth and scrubbing your face with it. “Fuck.” You braced yourself on the countertop and stared at yourself. You stared at the mirror, letting the room spin slightly around you.

When the wave passed you stood up adjusting your shirt slightly. Your eye caught the ultrasound photo that Dr. Steven’s had printed for you that afternoon. You stared at it for a second before turning back to the mirror and slowly lifting the hem of your shirt to your chest. You looked in the mirror first, looking at your stomach and then you looked down. You’re not sure if it was delusion from the week you’d had, your brain playing tricks on you convincing you there was something out of nothing, but you brought your hand to rest on your lower stomach.

It was silly really, placing your hand on what was hardly a baby yet in your uterus but it felt like more than that, especially after seeing the ultrasound. “Hi baby.” You whispered softly. It was that moment you’d decided, and that moment that you realized you needed to tell Jessie.

“Uh, yeah, I talked through it with the doctor, and thought about it, but I’m going to keep it.”

“Oh.” Jessie looked surprised for a moment and your stomach dropped. “So you’ve known for days and didn’t think I deserved to know?” Her voice has now changed from the sympathetic tone to one of frustration.

“It’s not that.” You tried to defend yourself. “It’s…” you can’t come up with the words, you’d hardly figured out your own thoughts, how could she expect you to explain yourself to her.

“Then what?” The expression on Jessie’s face was one of hurt and confusion.

“It didn’t feel like something I needed to worry you about if I didn’t even know if I was having the baby.” That was true, you’d hardly believed the news yourself until you saw the ultrasound. You hadn’t even made up your mind until you saw the ultrasound, there was no reason to tell her yet.

Throwing her hands up she continues to raise her voice. “I still deserved to know!” It wasn’t often Jessie had raised her voice at you, beyond on the pitch when the environment was loud and she had to communicate. You’d never seen her like this.

“Fuck you Jessie you don’t know what this feels like.” You yell back, you’re angry with her for demanding more, but beyond that you’re mad at yourself, for even allowing this situation to arise.

“You’re right, I don’t know what it feels like, I’ve never been pregnant, but fuck you for not telling me. I would’ve never hidden it from you, I deserved to know when you found out, I deserved to be part of this decision, I deserved to be at that appointment.”

“No, you didn’t!” You take another step toward her so you’re nearly face to face. You gesture at her body as you yell back. “Just because your stupid dick got me pregnant doesn’t mean shit. It’s my decision not yours!”

“I know that, I never said the choice wasn’t yours to make but it’s still my baby! I should be there for stuff like this!” She shakes the ultrasound. “I get you were still deciding, but if we’re,”

You cut her off before she can even finish her thought.

“This doesn’t have to be a ‘we’ Jessie, there isn’t an ‘we’ or an ‘us’. We were having casual, non committal sex and we created an accident. I have to deal with the consequences, not you. You can go on, the baby only impacts me.”

“You don’t get to make that decision for me, I get a say, that’s half my baby. That’s not fair!” The pink tint of her cheeks now becomes a deeper red as she argues with you.

“None of this is fair!” You’re screaming now, airing out your problems to your neighbors through the thin walls. “You think I wanted to put my career on pause right now? Do you think I want to be knocked up by someone I’m not even in love with?” You flail your arms in her direction. “Do you realize how humiliating this is, how embarrassing it is? People are going to know, they’ll have to know it’s yours. I’ll have to tell people, you knocked me up on accident. That’s so mortifying.”

You know you’ve said the wrong thing when you watch the anger dissolve from her features. Her angry, scrunched eyebrows suddenly relax, her clenched jaw now loose as her lips part slightly. Her shoulders slump and her arms cross in front of her body. The brown eyes you’ve been looking at gloss over and she takes a sharp breath. “I’m going to go.”

She turns her head toward the door momentarily and when she turns back there’s a tear running down her face. The anger leaves your system as fast as it entered. “Jessie.”

You step toward her, a hand reaching for her forearm. Jerking away Jessie takes a step back, clearing her throat before speaking. “I’m sorry that it being my baby is what’s making this mortifying, humiliating, and, what was it, oh yeah embarrassing for you.” She throws your own words back in your face.

“Jessie, that’s not what I meant.” You try to backtrack. You hadn’t meant it as a personal insult, you truely hadn’t.

“Doesn’t matter.” She’s now at the door slipping on her shoes. “I just need some space, I’ll text you tomorrow.”

She doesn’t give you the chance to rebut, she quickly slips out the door leaving you standing staring at the space she had just filled.

“Oh my goddd.” You throw your head back and huff at the ceiling. “Fuck.”

You will yourself away from the empty feeling that resides by the door and walk back to the couch. Laying down you can’t resist staring down at your stomach. There was nothing there visually, but your baby was there. Jessie’s baby also, not just yours, you reminded yourself. “That didn’t go great, did it?” You gently pat your lower abdomen.

Maybe it was the fight with Jessie, maybe it was you’d finally had almost a week to process, maybe it was seeing the ultrasound, but it suddenly felt real. It no longer felt like a dream, or a false reality you’d made up in your head. You were pregnant, 9 weeks pregnant, and you would be having a baby in half a year.

For the first time that week, the thought didn’t make you shake, it didn’t make you nauseous. You weren’t fully settled with the idea yet, but it was less terrifying.

Sliding your phone from your pocket you find Paul’s number and quickly type.

The shower stopped. The sudden quiet drew you from your thoughts and you felt your heartbeat pick up subtly. You turned on your heel and retreated to your bedroom to get changed for the day.

By the time you heard the door to the bathroom open you were in the kitchen starting to make a light breakfast.

You waited until you heard her approach before you turned to face her.

You couldn't help how your eyes did a quick scan up and down her body. She was back in her training gear and held your change of clothes in a carefully folded pile. Her hair was down and wet, but her curls were still fully present. She looked less worn than yesterday.

She wore a tight smile and her gaze flit away shortly after meeting yours.

"Morning," you said as you leaned back against the counter.

"Morning," Jessie returned, ducking her head slightly though she tried to offer you a renewed smile. Her cheeks were flushing pink already.

"Can I get you something to drink? Anything to eat?" You asked, hoping to set her slightly more at ease.

"Oh, uh, no - I don't want to be more of a bother," she said through a bashful smile. You gave her a look.

"You're fine, Jess," you told her gently before growing a bit more firm. "You should eat and drink something. How do you feel anyway?"

"Oh, I feel fine," she assured you with a series of nods. She tapered off, idly scratching the back of her head as her gaze drifted away nervously. "I drank lots of water. The shower helped."

"Well, that's good," you said as you took a bite of your toast. The toaster went off, another two pieces popping up. You nodded to them. "Those are yours."

Her curious eyes shifted over to said pieces and she looked back at you as if to verify. You nodded again and she proceeded with a small smile.

"Thanks."

You sat on the couch in front of the coffee table, eating quietly and sipping your water. You watched her as she tentatively found her way around your kitchen - still seeming to vaguely recall how you'd set it up when she moved you in. She eventually turned around and stood with her plate and glass of water.

You looked to the spot next to you. "You can sit down." She accepted with a nod.

"I'm so, so sorry about last night," she launched in, suddenly imploring and not even feigning touching her food or drink. "I'm so embarrassed. I can't believe I did that to you."

You set down your glass and studied her briefly.

"What are you sorry about?" You clarified. She seemed taken aback.

"Well, um, showing up unannounced. And, you know, drunk. Though not that drunk," she quickly added pointedly. "But, yeah. You asked for space and boundaries and...well. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have shown up like that and uninvited."

You exhaled quietly while you sat back. "Are you sorry about any of the things you said?" She stammered and you added with a wry laugh. "If you remember them, that is."

"Of course I remember," she said, not fully masking how affronted that made her. She crossed her arms, meeting your challenge.

"I'm not sorry. I guess I should be. That'd be the easy thing to say. 'I was drunk - I don't remember. Forget it.' But that's not the case," she said steadily, her posture relaxing slightly. "Some people get drunk and their innate needs or wants come to the surface." She took a breath and met your gaze. "I kept thinking about you. Missing you - which is nothing new. And I guess I just thought...fuck it. One more shot."

A beat passed. You prompted her.

"And?"

She frowned at you slightly, now reaching out to swirl the water in her glass distractedly. She forced herself to look back up at you though.

"And...even if I made a total fucking fool of myself, I'm still grateful I got to see you." She released a quiet breath and turned towards you further. "I'm still in love with you. I've been in love with you for so long. Last night was no different. This morning is no different. The context between us - or, our relationship. Or lack thereof," she added flatly, "has changed, but my feelings for you haven't."

She sighed softly, shoulders rounding out slightly. "I guess I should be over you. Like you're over me. But," she averted her gaze and paused to swallow, "I'm not."

"I went about things all wrong before," she confessed as she shifted on the couch and she sought your eyes. "I kept you so far removed at the beginning. I lied. I kept things from you. And it made it that much harder for you. I did it for my own misguided benefit. Thinking I could control things, but I was wrong. And truthfully, there was so much shit to sort out - to navigate - it would've been horrible for you in any scenario, but it must've been so much harder feeling like Sara was taking your place. She never, ever was. She never could. It's always been you and it still is.

"I was so afraid to push you. To rock the boat or make things harder, that I think I ultimately ended up pushing you away instead. Isolating you. Making you feel alone. When that's the last thing I wanted.

"I go over and over everything in my head. For months now. Thinking about how I could've taken better care of you. Prioritized you more - in ways that mattered to you, translated for you. I'm so sorry. I'm not real big on regrets. But not taking better care of you and not loving you better during that time, that's something I'll always regret. I know why you had to leave. I don't blame you. And even if I can't seem to move on - I think about my future and I still see you - I genuinely wish you the best. Even if it doesn't seem like it. I said you deserve all the happiness in the world, and I meant it." She swallowed, eyes glistening. "Even if it's not with me."

You listened quietly, observing her mannerisms. Jessie was always such an interesting mix of vulnerable and reserved. She didn't necessarily mask her upset well all the time - she was sensitive and those around her knew it. But that didn’t mean she freely expressed it either. She was prone to getting quiet. Withdrawing. Frankly, she was a stonewaller. Ask anyone who’d known her long enough.

Yet, for some reason, she'd always bared her heart and soul to you. Even now. Even though she seemed convinced that you no longer reciprocated her feelings. You could see the certainty and acceptance in her eyes that she was going to get hurt. Despite it all, she opened herself up anyway.

You’d spent months trying every which way to push her from your mind. To lay your relationship to rest and move on. There were other connections you were building and exploring - people who would be considered catches in any other reality, yet sitting here next to Jessie you couldn’t deny your feelings for her.

You missed her too. You still loved her too.

And in this moment, you were tired of pretending you didn’t.

So you caved. You reached up and rest your hand on her cheek. Her eyes closed right away and she melted into your touch. When she opened her eyes you held her gaze, looking at one another for several seconds.

You searched her eyes, her face - every feature, every freckle, every line. For the first time in so long, truly looking at her. No pretending to look away, no stolen glances, just looking at this woman who held such a special place in your heart and soul. This woman who could anchor and ground you with her presence alone.

Time hadn’t diminished the warmth and connection you felt.

She watched you, unmoving and patient as you decided what to do. Whether you were going to let her in or not.

You looked into her eyes and it felt like home.

You leaned in and met her in a slow, lingering kiss. You both inhaled deeply as your lips made contact. You both sat motionless in the moment, relishing the contact until you both had to pull back, breathless from just one kiss.

A shiver ran through you and goosebumps peppered your skin. So unlike any of the other kisses you’d had in recent months. You felt lighter already.

Her stare was intense, but you felt safe in it. Her quiet intensity always pulled you in and made the hairs on your skin stand up with how overwhelming it could be, but in the best way possible. You loved it. And you missed it.

You leaned in for another kiss - this one harder, deeper. Her hand came to your waist. Her touch - even something as simple as this - the weight of her touch, the feel of her fingers, felt electric and left you wanting more.

You pulled yourself closer to her, releasing a small moan as her grip on you tightened. That moan shifted everything. It released the flood gates and all of the hesitation and uncertainty from before was swept away.

She pulled you onto her lap, eliciting another moan from you. Your arms wrapped around the back of her neck, your hands ran through her hair, down her neck, across her chest. You needed to feel her and with the way her hands caressed your hips, your thighs, your neck, she felt the same.

When her fingers snuck up under your shirt and made contact with your bare skin for the first time, you let out a needy moan. She breathed heavily into the kiss and pulled you tighter against her. It wasn’t long before you felt her growing firm underneath you.

“Fuck, Jess,” you whispered - a soft gasp escaping her and her fingers dug into your hips. You began to grind yourself down onto her burgeoning hardness.

She was breathless already, breaking the kiss, head falling back as her eyes rolled up to the ceiling before she refocused and latched onto your neck.

“You don’t know what you do to me,” she said. Her words spurred your hands to wander across her body further.

“I’d like to find out,” you returned as you gripped her hair and fully ground down onto the bulge growing firmer underneath your heat.

“Christ,” she said as she tucked her head further into the crook of your neck. She exhaled gruffly, rocking her hips up into you and nipped at your neck. “Y/N,” she breathed as her hand tenderly caressed the side of your neck before dragging downwards in need.

“Jesus, Jess,” you panted as your core began to throb with each touch of her straining cock pressing through your clothes.

She growled deep in her chest and gave a particularly firm roll of her hips, the friction causing you to throw your head back at the sensation.

“I could hear you say my name all day,” she said.

“Fuck. I want you,” you confessed as you rode her lap. A subtle moan worked its way up your throat as her fingers dug into the small of your back.

“God, I want you too,” she nearly whined, her head switching sides and tending to the other side of your neck while her hands wandered, her thumbs now running along the crease of your thighs. You released a needy, shuddering breath as she began to undo your pants with one hand.

“Do you - do you have a…,” she trailed off, her inquiry hanging in the air. You opened your eyes

“You don’t need it,” you told her. Her kisses ceased and her head snapped up. “I’m on birth control,” you explained.

You could see her haze lifting and the wheels in her head beginning to turn rapidly. Your whole relationship you’d never gone on it. You’d used protection and been careful, but there was always an understanding that if something were to happen, you’d navigate it together.

“I’ve been safe still," you tacked on. "But I’m on it as an extra precaution.” An almost rueful smirk tugged at your lips. “That’s the absolute last thing I need right now. I’m really not interested in taking that risk with anyone else.”

You were broken up. You didn’t owe her anything. Yet you felt like you’d betrayed her in some way by being with others. Trepidation crept up your chest and into your throat as you waited for her reaction.

She visibly swallowed and a heavy frown settled on her face while she studied you.

“I know you mentioned dating apps,” she started, eyes momentarily unfocused before she met your gaze. “You’re seeing someone,” she said, tone undistinguishable. She dropped eye contact for a second before locking onto you again. “How serious is if it?” She asked tentatively, afraid of the answer.

You couldn’t help but snicker. It just seemed like such a silly question in this moment as the months of effort, discipline and restraint rapidly unraveled.

Wasn't it obvious as you sat here in her arms that there could never truly be anyone else.

Still, she tensed up under you and you saw a flash of hurt cross her features. You went on gently.

“Clearly not.” You held her gaze, feeling a deep seated need to reassure her. You caressed the side of her face. “It’s casual at best.”

She observed you quietly, her eyes searching yours. You waited patiently. Her eyes soon fell to your lips and she surged forward, capturing you in a hard, heated kiss that sparked a soft gasp from you.

She kissed you deeper still, her arms wrapping tightly around you and pulling you close as she shifted her hips up into you again. You moaned softly as her hands snuck up under your shirt once more, this time removing it altogether and she hungrily began to kiss down your chest as she unclasped and discarded your bra in a couple of quick motions.

"Oh my God," you gasped as she drew your nipple into her mouth. You arched your back into her and she moaned in response while massaging your other breast. You rocked your hips against her hardness, completely impatient and done with the barriers between you. "I need you," you told her desperately as your dragged your nails down the back of her neck.

She began to undo your pants again and you swiftly stood up off of her to take care of it yourself, but to also signal to her to get undressed. Your eyes immediately fell to the prominent bulge in her pants and your core honest to god pulsed at the sight.

She kept her eyes trained on you as she hurriedly took off her clothes and you did the same. A shameless moan hummed in your throat as she pushed her boxer briefs down and her cock stood proudly with need and desire.

Jesus Christ. You'd missed her. You'd missed her cock, too. The way she looked at you. The way her breath felt on your skin. You missed all of this.

You felt dazed and flushed already as you climbed back onto her lap, her hands meeting you readily. Despite the near-frenzy, you felt a wave of comfort and safety under her touch amongst everything else.

She held your gaze as she positioned her cock at your entrance. You half anticipated her to ask for permission, but instead her other hand came up to the back of your neck and pulled you into for a searing kiss. You sank down onto her length and your jaw fell slack at the sensation of her filling you up. A high moan fell from your lips and she gasped in return as her fingers dug into your skin.

"Oh God," Jessie said in a breathy, trembling voice as she now held you in place. You looked down to see her eyes slammed shut, her mouth agape and her shoulders rounded out. "Oh my God," she repeated as she slowly began to blink through her haze. "You feel so incredible." She bit her bottom lip as her eyes raked down your body and she encouraged you to start moving again. "I've missed you so much," she declared with a slow shake of her head.

"I've missed you, too," you reciprocated as you slowly rose up on her length. Though she filled you so well, between her precum and your wetness, the motion was easy with how aroused you were. Your eyes fell shut as the head of her cock stretched your entrance out just that much more. You released a shuddering breath as you slowly sank down on her again.

"Holy fuck, Jess," you whispered as you began to set a rhythm, "you feel so amazing inside of me."

She growled and leaned back further to devour you with her eyes while her hands held your waist securely and helped you moved up and down on her length.

"Jesus Christ, I'm gonna cum already," she forced out as she let her head fall back against the couch and she blinked several times to try and maintain her resolve. "You're so fucking good."

A brief flash of Sara entered your mind, but it disappeared just as quickly. A very vague awareness formed in your mind that this would've haunted you and made this moment impossible months ago. Instead, though, you felt connected. Things felt intimate. You felt desired. Loved. Like you were the only one for her.

"So cum for me," you said easily as your hand came up to caress the side of her neck and urge her to look at you. You smiled at the aching moan that rumbled beneath your palm.

Her lips were parted and her cheeks were red as she glanced down to where her cock pumped in and out of you as you rode her.

"Can I...-" she asked as she looked up at you.

"Cum inside me," you said as you leaned down to capture her lips in another kiss.

She groaned into the kiss and wrapped an arm firmly around your waist. She broke the kiss to lock eyes with you as she began to flex her hips, now fully meeting your thrusts and then-some. The sound of your skin against hers now permeated the room and you tossed your head back as she pumped into you.

A few strokes later you felt her fingers dig into your skin yet again as her hips began to stutter against you, until she buried herself deep and held herself there with a tight moan.

"Oh shit. Fuck," she panted while she rut into you a couple more times as she finished spilling herself inside of you. She breathed heavy, gaze unfixed as she pulled back from the embrace slightly. "I'm sorry, I-"

You cut her off, embracing her again and continuing to rise and fall on her cock.

"Oh fuck," she said, voice wavering as she blew out a breath but began to kiss your chest anew.

You steadily rode her and she bit her lips together and rest her forehead against your chest, rolling her head against you from side to side in a daze. It was only a few moments before she wrapped her arms around you more fully again and began to meet your pace.

"You make me hard so fast," she said in awe as she pumped into you. She allowed her hands to wander across you in admiration. "God, I love you. I missed you so much."

You looked down at her with hooded eyes. You felt dizzy with emotion and need.

"Why don't you show me how much," you said.

Her eyes snapped up to you and your challenge slowly registered in her mind. You could see the look in her eyes shift as realization dawned on her.

In a flash, she had you flipped onto your back on the couch cushions, your head towards the arm of it. She had one knee on the couch, nudging your legs apart while her other foot was rooted to the floor.

She looked at you with dark, lustful eyes as she positioned herself at your entrance once more before plunging inside your slick tunnel, eliciting an immediate high-pitched moan from you. She muffled it with an urgent, needy kiss.

While it was measured before, she was now thrusting powerfully into you, her hand braced against the arm of the couch as she plowed you into the cushions. Nearly each thrust sparked a clipped moan from you as she angled her hips in just the right way to send pulsating waves of pleasure through your body.

"I've missed you so much, you don't even know," she now said through nearly-grit teeth in your ear as she flexed overtop of you. You clawed at the back of her arms as you writhed beneath her, your legs opened as widely for her as possible, inviting her in even more.

"Oh God, Jess. You fuck me so good. Oh my God," you chanted as your hands palmed her body desperately as you tried to ground yourself amidst your rapidly building pleasure. You gasped, trying to catch your breath.

Her thrusts were relentless and oh so good. Her skin clapped against yours and the wet sounds of her length pumping in and out of your heat filled your ears.

"Hear how much I missed you," you said.

Her muscles tensed up under your touch as she let out a small growl before rocking even deeper and stronger into you. You didn't even notice the sounds of the couch subtly scraping across the floor with each thrust until a loud crash echoed through the room as the lamp on the side table hit the ground. You were so wrapped up in her and what she was doing to you that you didn't even flinch.

"I'll buy you a new one," she muttered not missing a beat and kissed you hungrily. Your only response was another wanton moan and your hands coming to her firm ass and gripping her while you rocked up to meet her thrusts.

She repeatedly hit your sweet spot and that tight coiling sensation was reaching its peak. A sheen of sweat was on her skin - her face, her shoulders, her back as she took you unequivocally and emphatically. She broke the kiss and grunted softly in your ear as she moved powerfully above you.

"So fucking good," you praised as you dragged your nails up her back. You panted in need and clung tightly to her. "I love the way you feel."

You bit your lip hard and threw your head back with a high-pitched moan. "I'm gonna cum," you told her. She held her pace steady, but dipped her head down to kiss your neck, pulling yet another gasp out of you.

"Oh fuck," you whimpered as you began to constrict and pulse around her.

"Mm, I love the way you cum on my cock," she whispered as she continued to pump into you. "Feels so good," she panted and a few strokes later she released a muffled moan and you managed to open your eyes in the midst of your orgasm to see her arching above you as she came inside you again.

"Oh my god," you breathed as you started to come down from your high and she collapsed on top of you. You were kissing her right away, slow and languid, yet still yearning for more. "I love you, Jess," you told her as you caressed the side of her neck. She stilled, breath catching, and she looked at you.

"You don't have to say it," she said quietly, though it was plainly obvious how much it would crush her if you took it back.

You felt centered, calm, at ease. This moment so many months ago would've had your pulse racing, anxiety building, bile rising up your throat despite how much you really did love her.

You didn't feel torn this time.

"I love you so much," you repeated as you brought her in for another slow kiss before releasing her. She watched you quietly, opening her mouth to speak before stopping. You smiled at her reassuringly and she accepted with a small smile of her own.

There was so much to talk about. Still so much to unpack. Loving each other was never the issue, but you had to admit this felt different. You felt a peace you didn't before.

Yet, as you laid here entangled in each other's embrace, you both silently committed to keeping the outside world separate. You loved and missed one another and in this space - in this vacuum - you could indulge in that with no shame, no worries. You could just love each other and be together in this moment while you had the chance.

"I adore you, Jess," you told her unwaveringly. "I love you and I always have."

Emotion crossed her face and she laced the fingers of one hand with yours before kissing you deeply. You squeezed her hand and your other instinctually came up to caress her sculpted back.

She began to kiss down your neck, your chest, your torso, until she was at the juncture between your hips and thighs. Your chest rose heavily in anticipation and you watched her as she sat back onto her knees for a moment, hands massaging into your thighs, the crease. Her thumb gently came to rest on your clit before spreading your lips, sticky with her cum and yours, apart.

"Fuck, baby, you look so incredible with my cum dripping out of you," she said in awe, her eyes transfixed.

The statement made you wet all over again, but her calling you 'baby' made your chest twinge in the best way possible and you wanted more.

She released a quick, gruff exhale as her hands pushed up your body in a rush and you let out a yelp and a giggle as she effortlessly maneuvered you so you were sitting up on the couch again, legs spread as she settled onto the floor between them. She gave you a smirk.

"I love being on my knees for you," she said with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

You bit your lip and ran your hands up your face and through your hair. You could feel a blush coming on and you just shook your head affectionately at her.

"You're so sexy, you know that, right?" You asked with a light laugh.

She smirked further holding your gaze and gave a faint shrug of a shoulder as she placed her hands on the inside of your knees and gently pushed your legs further apart. She dipped her head down and began to lay slow, lingering kisses up your thighs.

"The way I'm hard for you again already, I'd say you're the sexy one," she said, her tongue flicking out now and then to tease your skin.

She reached under your thighs and gave one strong tug, pulling you to the edge of the cushions as she settled in. You could feel her nose brush against the uppermost part of your thighs and you could feel her warm breath on you.

Your shoulders were rising and falling in anticipation and you belatedly realized you were kneading your hands into the cushions.

She tilted her head slightly and laid a faint, delicate kiss on one of your lower lips, before tilting to the other side and doing the same there. You breathed harder.

A light gasp fell from your mouth as you felt her tongue softly reach out, tracing patiently up along one lip, bypassing your clit before coming down on the other side. She drew light, teasing circles around your entrance before trailing gently upwards, taking her time, tasting you as she went. She traced all around your clit with a soft, fleeting touch before giving a flick of her tongue across you. Your body stiffened and your hands balled into fists.

She chuckled softly and laid her tongue back onto you more firmly this time.

Her head bobbed now and then as she attentively and patiently worshipped your pussy with her mouth. You melted into the couch as she licked, sucked, and nipped at you while she moaned into your heat, letting you know she was exactly where she wanted to be.

Your fingers ran through her hair, digging into her crown now and then and gripping her hair tightly as she stopped teasing and began to pick up her pace and focus more on your clit.

You let out a throaty moan as she slipped two fingers inside you and curled them upwards.

Soon, that heat and pressure was steadily mounting and you mewled softly as your hips faintly bucked up into her waiting mouth. She remained steadfast, maintaining her pressure and pace.

"Fuck," you gasped, grinding your hips into her face, her hair bundled into your fist. She reached out and grabbed your free hand, lacing your fingers together. She gave you a squeeze and gently thumbed the side of your hand as she brought you ever closer.

Your breath hitched as white hot tension that had been building finally crested and you came on her fingers and all over her face. You felt a rush of liquid as you convulsed and she moaned deeply as she continued to lap you up.

Short, quick gasps shook you but finally slowed as you came down. Her tongue now caressed you languid and flat as she soaked up the last of your arousal.

"That was so amazing," she said as she sat back, eyes bright as she quickly wiped at her chin.

You were still in a daze as you observed her. She wiped at her chin again because it was still slick with your wetness.

"Did I..." you trailed off. Her eyes shone brighter and she nodded in affirmation.

"Oh my god," you mumbled as you began to blush again and avert your gaze. She was up on her knees right away and kissing your cheek.

"Hey, I loved it," she assured you. She let her kiss linger and she lowered her voice. "I love knowing how good I made you feel."

You relaxed, knowing how true it was. You laughed and turned your head to kiss her lips, immediately tasting and smelling yourself on her.

"You have nothing to worry about there," you said with a smirk as you pushed her by the shoulders so she was sitting back. "Now, question is, how good can I make you feel?" You went on as you pushed her further, guiding her onto her back on the floor while you climbed on top of her. She grinned at you, eyes bright all over again as she allowed you to push her down between the couch and coffee table.

"God, you're beautiful," she said as her hands came to your waist as you straddled her thighs, her cock standing tall in front of you. Your hand came to the base and you slowly began to stroke her up and down, still coated and slick with both your juices. She exhaled through her mouth and her eyes shifted to the ceiling briefly.

You released her length and moved so you were sitting on her hips, her cock now behind you. You leaned down and kissed her, angling your hips so your slit brushed against her hardness.

"Mm," she voiced into the kiss as one hand rest on your waist and the other came to your cheek.

"I missed you so much," you whispered. You were repeating yourself, but it was true. You sighed into the kiss. "I feel like I can't get close enough to you."

She inhaled deeply and clutched you tighter. "I know the feeling," she said. She shifted her hips and the thick head of her cock began to nudge at your entrance.

"Ah ah," you said lightly as you shifted forward, the head of her cock losing contact. You kissed her slowly. "I didn't tell you you could."

"Mm," she moaned low in her throat. You smiled into the kiss. You loved when she was desperate for you. And you knew what was to come if you made her wait, which only made it better.

You rocked your hips back, carefully maneuvering yourself so your slick folds were gliding across her tip. You bit the inside of your cheek in satisfaction at how her cock twitched at the contact.

"Please," she said as her hands wandered up your sides and down your chest. "I need you."

"Patience, baby," you said and you hissed in pleasure as her fingers curled in, nails dragging across your skin.

You looked down at her, part of you still in disbelief at all of this. Your body continued, gently grinding your hips against her tip, subtly rubbing your clit back and forth across it. Her face was flushed and her eyes were dark, but brimming with love and adoration.

You didn't want to say too much, but you were so lost in this moment with her. You couldn't stop yourself from telling her, "I need you so much. I love you more than you know."

She released a jagged breath and pulled you down into a hard kiss. She rest her head against your forehead. "Then let me love you," she pleaded.

"I want to," you said breathlessly as your pussy continued to kiss her tip. You gave a more pronounced roll of your hips. "I really want to."

Her breath shuddered once more and her grip was tight on you as she shifted her hips to follow you and meet you. She nudged at your entrance again.

"Please let me," she begged. "I'll take such good care of you."

"I'm always so weak for you," you said in between kisses. She shook her head.

"You're not. There's nothing weak about you," she refuted. "I wish you'd let go. I'll take care of you. I promise."

"I know, baby," you relented though you still rubbed your slickness against her and not granting her entry.

"Let me in," she pleaded softly, voice thin and wanting. "Please. I need you so much. Nothing's the same without you."

"I dream about you, you know," you told her and she released a strained moan. "You don't know how many times I've touched myself thinking about you."

"Fuck, babe," she breathed, sounding almost in pain. "I need you. Please. Please."

You kissed again and you sank down onto her aching member and she let out a shaky moan and tensed up under you. You kissed her deeper.

It only took her a second to catch up and she gripped your hips, her fingers surely turning your skin bloodless and white, before she started to pound up into you with strong, rolling thrusts.

"Oh fuck," you gasped, your body stilling at the sensations that coursed through you with each stroke.

"I swear you were made for me," she panted as she stared at where her cock was filling you up. "Look at you creaming on my cock like this. I know you feel it too, baby."

"Oh my God, Jess," you said as you clutched at her body in desperation, just trying to hold on. At one point you braced yourself with one hand on the coffee table, the other on the couch.

You bit your lip, whining through the pleasure before you couldn’t hold back anymore. As she surged into you from below, your cries echoed off the walls of your apartment.

The sounds of her thrusts, the way you were dripping for her, the primal moans - it overwhelmed your senses and you were soon approaching your peak again.

"Go ahead, baby," she said. "You look so fucking beautiful when you cum." She pressed a hand down towards the base of your pelvis, adding pressure that nearly made you cum right then and there as she plunged deep inside you again.

A mangled whine worked its way up your throat as you came yet again. You head dropped to your chest before you let it fall back and you leaned backwards, your hands gripping her strong thighs - probably painfully tight - she didn't complain.

She came right after you, a clipped grunt escaping her as she buried herself deep inside of you and holding herself there as she emptied inside of you.

Her body relaxed and you collapsed on top of her, her cock still stretching you out.

Neither of you spoke as you both lay there in each other's arms, panting and trying to catch your breath.

It was such a strange mix of sensations - you felt entirely awake. Alive. And yet it also made you realize how tired you were, how little you'd rested in general over the months.

Your eyes were heavy and you just felt at home laying there on her chest with her arms around you. You smiled softly as now and then her fingers absently grazed along your skin and she'd lay a lingering kiss atop your head.

You both laid there, neither caring that you were still on the floor or how much time had passed. She reached up at one point to pull down the blanket she'd neatly folded earlier and laid it out across your back, enveloping you both. She kissed you sweetly as you cuddled in.

At some point her stomach started to growl. You chuckled silently, your body jostling her and she laughed too.

"Guess we should get you a snack," you said.

"You too," she chuckled. "And get you some water."

"You need hydration too," you countered. "Between last night and this morning, you need some serious electrolytes."

"Yes, my love," she said as she kissed your head again. You turned to her at the name and she looked momentarily apprehensive. You kissed her lips, quieting her concern.

"I have to take care of you, too, you know," you said as you pulled yourself upright and groaning lightly at the effort. "Oh my God," you said loudly as you brought a hand to your couch and stared at it. She sat up with a frown and followed your gaze. A slow chuckle came from her and soon turned into a full on laugh.

"My couch!" You exclaimed, though her reaction pulled a laugh out of you as well. "Cum stains on my couch. Are you kidding me?" You said, half-heartedly aghast.

"Don't forget the broken lamp," she said with a pointed nod behind you.

"Jess," you scolded mildly and she laughed fuller before shooting you a look. "Hey, not all of that is me. It's you, too." She gave you a shit-eating grin. "And hey, if you didn't want my cum spilling out of you and onto the couch, you should stop making me cum so hard."

You blew out a breath and gave her a look of warning. "Do not. I'm going to get worked up again. And, yes, I would like some sustenance first."

She laughed quietly and stole a kiss before rising onto her feet. She held out both hands for you and pulled you up with ease.

In another life, you two would've thrown on some clothes and gone about making a snack. But today, you led her to the kitchen, both entirely naked. Today, things were different.

She placed her hands on your waist and hoisted you up onto the counter, setting you gently down. She'd brought the blanket from earlier and wrapped you up in it.

You smirked and pulled her in for a kiss, your legs wrapping around her. The kiss threatened to turn into more and she took a deep, steadying breath and forced herself to pull back.

"Food and water first," she reminded both of you but gave you a charming grin. "Though you are extremely tempting."

Even as Jessie fetched some veggies and fruits out of the fridge and prepped them next to you, you both reached out, longing for contact at every step. Fingers brushing as you handed her a knife. A hand on your thigh as she reached across you to grab a plate. Your leg grazing against her, a tender kiss to your collarbone.

She snuck you bites as she prepped things and you simply watched her, appreciating everything about her. Soon, she was positioned between your legs, plate of snacks next to you on the counter and you both ate in peaceful, easy quiet. She fed you bites, you fed her. It wasn't even always sexual, just soft, caring and intimate.

While any time you two had seen each other the past several months, you'd both determinedly and routinely avoided eye contact. Now, you two couldn't look away from one another. As you picked up food, as you fed each other, your eyes remained locked softly on each other.

Although you did make the mistake of letting your eyes rake down her body at one point and it sent a shiver through you. You picked up a grape and while you held it out for her, you reached with your other hand, grasping her hair lightly and tugging gently, coaxing her to tilt her head back. She grinned and followed your command.

When you popped the grape into her mouth her lips latched around your finger and she sucked lightly on it before giving you an easy wink.

You moaned softly.

That backfired.

She smirked knowingly and soon dipped her head to start kissing her way down your neck. She gently pushed the blanket off your shoulders and continued to lay kisses, slow and teasing, until she reached your chest. You ran your hands through her hair as she kissed you, eventually taking your nipple into her mouth. Her tongue circled it languidly, teeth grazing before she gently tugged on it. She flicked her tongue across it teasingly before fully latching on.

You pressed your hand fully into the back of her head and your breathing slowed and deepened as you could feel yourself beginning to pool again.

She slowly kissed down your stomach, her tongue dipping across your navel before trailing further south.

Soon, her head was between your legs once again. You leaned back, your head resting against the cupboard as she explored you.

"You taste so good, baby," she told you, her voice low and the vibration as she spoke into your pussy made you jolt with pleasure.

You looked down, running your hand through her hair as she ate you out, eyes closed and moaning into your pussy as her tongue and mouth tended to you in just the way you needed.

You gasped softly as messy sounds of her licking up your arousal and swallowing set your nerves on fires. You released her head and clutched the edge of the counter so tightly your skin rubbing across it made a sound. You didn't have to glance down to know your knuckles were white.

Your breath began to quicken and all the telltale signs were there when suddenly the warmth and friction she provided suddenly disappeared. You blinked in confusion, eyes on the ceiling to begin with before you looked down with a deep-set frown. She stood before you wearing a smirk.

"Wha-" you stammered in a daze only to be cut off with a kiss that ended with her taking your lower lip in between her teeth and tugging as she pulled away.

"You made me wait. Now you have to, too," she grinned.

You began to babble again, but she closed the space between you, her hard cock in hand and she set the base of it at the top of your slit. She drew her hips back slowly, her cock running along your clit before she pushed back up, rubbing across it again.

"Mm," she voiced as she pressed down on her cock to add friction as she patiently rocked up and through your folds.

"I don't even know how you're still going," you managed to say with a breathless laugh.

She tucked her head into the crook of your neck and nipped at the sensitive skin there.

"It's what you do to me," she said as she placed both hands on the counter, shoulders flexing as she steadily rubbed her cock over your clit.

"Oh fuck," you breathed as you lifted your hands above you and rest them on your head as you leaned back into the cupboard once more.

She eventually leaned back and held her cock steady as she continued to rub your pussy. Her precum dripped down off her tip and onto your mound, a messy string following the motion of her hips until it eventually stretched and broke.

She stared at how your lips parted and spread around her cock. You stared at her. The way she was watching with such focus and desire added to it all and you climbed your peak quickly once more.

"I want you to cum, baby," you told her as you panted and gripped her arms. "I want to cum together."

"Anything you want," she breathed as she continued to stroke herself against you. Her cheeks were so rosy and her chest visibly rose and fell with each breath as she neared her own climax.

Her eyes fell shut as she began to pump rope after rope of cum onto you - the strings stretching from the top of your clit to just below your navel.

"Oh fuck," she breathed as she jerked herself off onto you. Your own core pulsed at how her cock twitched in her hand with every jet of cum.

Her body fell slack as she finished, her head resting heavy on your shoulder as she braced her hands on the counter.

"My beautiful girl," you said as you caressed her tired body. She shook against you gently with a quiet, appreciative laugh.

You silently reached in between your bodies and felt where she'd spilled herself onto you. You began to massage the cum across your skin and you felt her grow still. A few moments later she pulled back, eyes set on your fingers that played through her strings of cum.

When you were certain you had her attention, you pushed the cum downwards, through your folds and inside of you with two fingers.

You bit back a satisfied smile as her jaw dropped at the action. You rolled your hips into your fingers and you continued to push more of her cum into you.

"Jesus fuck, babe," she said in reverie as she took a few steps back to fully appreciate the view. She retreated until her back was against your kitchen island and she was already stroking her now-soft cock as you continued to play with yourself.

"I should've gone on birth control years ago," you told her. "I've been missing out on you cumming inside me."

She groaned, gaze unwavering and focused on your core as she tugged on her cock.

"God, I want you so bad," she said as she began to stiffen and grow in her hand. "I can't get enough of you."

"Good thing I love spreading my legs for you," you said and a stilted noise got caught in her throat. Your fingers dipped inside you again before withdrawing. Strings of your cum and hers stretched from your entrance to your fingers and you lifted your hand to further observe. You spread your fingers, raising an eyebrow at the film of cum bridging between each digit. "Look at us, baby."

Her eyes devoured you and she began to stroke herself harder and faster. Pre-cum started to drip from the tip of her cock again and you didn't even realize what you were doing before you'd hopped off the counter and closed the distance between you.

She held your gaze, but continued to pump her fist steadily up and down her length.

You didn't break eye contact as you lowered yourself to your knees in front of her. Her lips were already parted as she breathed through her lust, but her jaw fell further and she gave you an appreciative, if disbelieving, shake of her head.

"What are you doing to me?" She laughed lightly as you ran your hands up her thighs.

"Excuse me?" You asked with a glint in your eye. You wrapped your hand around her base and she let go, her fingers grazing against yours as she did. You gave a slow pump up her shaft. She gripped the counter behind her and bit back a moan at that simple action.

"Baby. I was merely offering you some water - some toast - this morning, and now here I am, multiple loads of cum dripping from my pussy and onto the couch, the counter, the floor, while I'm on my knees wanting to please you again."

You reached your tongue out to trail along the underside of her cock and along the bulging vein. Her knees gave for just a second. "So I think it's really more, what are you doing to me?"

To make your point, you held her heady gaze and wrapped your lips around her tip and took her deeper into your mouth.

"Oh fuck," she breathed, eyes snapping up to the ceiling and she had to lean heavily on the counter.

You loved how she came undone when you sucked her off - anytime she came undone, really - but in this moment you felt even more compelled to make sure she felt as good as she possibly could. To remind her that you adored her, wanted her, and you knew how to give her what she needed.

As much as you loved when she tended to you, you also loved and cherished being the one who she let tend to her.

The head of her cock nudged the back of your throat as you urged her to another climax. You adored the way her hand came to the back of your head. It was strange - you often hated that gesture with others, but you craved it from her. It felt like she was claiming you in some way.

After so many rounds, it wasn't that long until she gripped your hair in her fist and spilled herself down your throat with a low grunt. Her chest heaved up and down for air as she leaned back heavily against the counter, barely holding herself up. You slowly continued to suck her off until she softened, her cock giving one final twitch on your tongue.

She collapsed onto the floor, her head falling against the wall of the kitchen island with a dull thud. You smiled softly as you kissed her shoulder and then her cheek before you sat back and just took her in. She was thoroughly spent, her eyes heavy and dazed as she tried to watch you, but had trouble keeping them open.

Your gaze fell to the bruises and cuts on her legs from training and hard-fought matches. You leaned down, laying soft, tender kisses on each cut and each bruise.

"You know I hate when you get hurt," you said gently as your thumb gingerly caressed a cut across her knee. When you looked up she was watching you with such love and affection.

"I love you," she said as she tugged on your arm, guiding you to sit between her legs with your back spooned up against her. She wrapped her arms around your middle and kissed your shoulder. You reached up a hand behind you to caress the back of her head and she turned into your touch, kissing the inside of your wrist tenderly.

"Just a sec," you told her as you delicately extracted yourself from her embrace and stood.

"Hey," she said in blatant disappointment. You gave her a quick smile.

"I'll be right back," you told her exaggeratedly with a chuckle. You grabbed refills of water and the still half-full plate of food and returned exactly where you were before. "We got distracted," you teased.

She laughed, your body moving with hers as she did so.

"I guess we did," she conceded as you both drank and finished the food.

Again, after you'd finished, you sat comfortably together as the day ticked on. Her chin resting on your shoulder, or you leaning back against her as you rested. You were just content to be with one another and appreciate each other's presence.

You sighed at one point, relaxing in her embrace, your head tucked under her chin.

"You're my favourite person, you know," you said. She squeezed you tightly, the hug lasting several seconds and she lay a long kiss on your crown before she loosened her embrace again.

"You're mine too," she said.

In time, she massaged your neck and shoulders.

"Mmm, that's so good," you said as you melted into her touch. A lazy chuckle worked its way up your throat. "But my hips probably need it more."

"Shit, I'm sorry," she said as she shifted her attention and began to gently knead your hips.

"You don't need to apologize," you said as you closed your eyes under her touch. "At all. I lost track of how many times you made me orgasm, but you really don't need to apologize." A beat passed and you quickly added. "And I'm not saying 'no' to more either."

"You're insatiable," she teased as her strong fingers rounded your hips and followed the dip down towards your core. She snickered. "This is a dangerous massage to give."

"Yeah?" You asked, knowing full well what effect it would have on her, especially as you shifted your ass against her, feigning trying to get comfortable.

"Mhmm," she said simply as her hands continued to wander.

"Well you can't possibly have more in you," you said. Realistically, that would be more than fair. You bit your lip as her grip subtly tightened on you.

"You'd be surprised," she said as she moved your hair aside and began to kiss the nape of your neck. Your fingers dug into her thighs and you shifted against her once more.

"Jesus, baby," she said. "If you want a break you're going to have to stop moving like that."

You grinned, knowing she couldn't see it. "Like what?" You asked innocently as you shifted again, now feigning needing to look over your shoulder at her. You could feel her starting to grow firm against your back.

She exhaled heavily, her breath tickling the back of your neck and causing your core to throb.

"You know what you're doing," she muttered and began to sensually kiss up and down the back of your neck again.

"And so do you," you retorted and she rolled her hips against you in response.

"See?" You laughed.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she murmured as she trailed kisses along the back of your shoulder and now reached a hand up to massage your breasts while the other now grazed your clit.

"So I guess you don't want me to help with this at all," you challenged as you moved, reaching behind and letting your fingers graze along her hardened member again. She moaned softly. "I thought so," you said with a cheeky grin over your shoulder. You shifted forward and repositioned yourself, your knees now on either side of her waist to ride her, facing away.

"Good lord," she said in blatant appreciation as you leaned forward, giving her a very clear view. You reached between your legs and behind to run her cock through your folds and settle at your entrance. She gripped your ass cheeks and kneaded them in her hands while she exhaled heavily. "Fuck, you're gorgeous."

You sat back onto her, a quiet gasp still escaping you as she filled you for the nth time today.

"You feel so good every time," you told her.

"Oh my god, baby, you have no idea. You feel incredible," she praised as you leaned forward, allowing her to slip out before nestling her back in and sinking down once more.

"Jesus Christ," she said as she kneaded your ass furthermore. She pushed you forward, her one hand coming to the small of your back and holding you in place. "I wish you could see how sexy you fucking look hugging my cock. Oh my god, Y/N. You're perfect." She inhaled with a slow hiss as she eased you back down onto her length. “I love the way you take all of me.”

You rest your hands on her shins and began to rock your hips back into her, relishing the way she filled you up as though it was the first time all over again.

She continued to grope your ass until a loud crack echoed through the space as she slapped your ass cheek. You let out a stuttering moan and rode her harder as she gripped your ass tightly between her fingers.

Her hand began to caress your back and she nudged your hips.

"Let me take you to bed," she said.

It took a moment for the request to register and she nudged you again. You didn't protest - it actually would be a welcome change. You went to stand, but your legs quaked. You heard her stifle a smug chuckle and a moment later her hands were underneath you and she carried you in her arms to the bedroom.

You had to smile as she set you down on the edge of the bed on your back. You immediately spread your legs for her and she gave you a salacious smirk as she stood before you, hand gripping the base of her stiff cock. You subconsciously bit your lip once more as you saw your cum glistening on her length.

She grasped your ankles and set them against her shoulders as she leaned down and sunk into your waiting tunnel once more. You whined faintly as she filled you, the head of her cock massaging your walls and stretching you out with deep, slow strokes. She rolled her hips, ensuring to hit your spot and you heard her exhale in satisfaction as soon as you clutched the sheets tightly in your hands.

"God, you're so wet for me, baby," she said in reverie as she sunk into you effortlessly again and again. You moaned and she pushed your legs apart so she could lean down to kiss you.

Your hand came up the back of her head to caress her, but you eventually had to break the kiss with a gasp, tossing your head back and she kissed your neck hungrily.

Her hands began to massage your waist and she began to moan anew into your neck. Suddenly, she nipped at your neck with a quick growl and flipped you over, moving you into the center of the bed and onto your hands and knees. You let out a low, wanting moan and arched your back, pushing into her.

"Fuck, baby, you're so gorgeous," she told you as her hands caressed your back before she lined herself up with your entrance, pushing her tip inside.

She began to pump into you and each time she slotted home it elicited a clipped whine from you. Her hands were on your hips and she helped guide you back into her hips on rhythm.

Her pace quickly picked up, strokes still deep and firm, and soon the sound of your bodies meeting filled the room. While you'd felt in control while out in the kitchen, with the way she railed you from behind, causing you to whine and moan under her movements, you now felt at her mercy - and it felt deliriously good.

Your limbs gave out at some point and you collapsed onto your stomach, arms folded haphazardly in front of you. She didn't miss a beat, staying conjoined with you as you dropped to the bed. She planted her knees on the outside of your thighs and used your prone position to her advantage to get even deeper inside of you than before.

"Oh fuck, Jess," you whimpered as her hips rocked strong and hard into you.

"You alright, baby?" She whispered as she reached forward and laced the fingers of one hand with yours and kissed the back of your shoulders.

You tried to form words, but instead you merely whined high in your throat and gave a faint nod of your head, giving her hand a squeeze.

She continued, her strokes now so relentless that you could hear your bed lurching into the wall with each thrust. Despite how primally she was fucking you, she whispered praise and kissed the back of your neck and shoulders tenderly as she held your hand.

You mewled and writhed in pleasure beneath her and gripped her hand as though it was the only thing anchoring you to this plane.

While she was letting herself cum with you before, she did no such thing this time. Instead, making love to you repeatedly, her hallmark stamina holding true.

Just when you thought you couldn't take anymore, she stopped, pulling out and flipping you over once more. You could barely open your eyes, but when your vision cleared you saw the need and pure focus in her eyes as she settled in between your legs again.

"I want to see you," she panted before she began laying searing kisses on your lips and neck.

"Jess," you managed to whimper as you feebly clawed at her back, your hips still somehow managing to rock up towards her thrusts.

"I love when you say my name, baby," she whispered as she pumped into you and her hands explored you.

"Jessie," you whimpered again. "I love you so much."

She groaned, back arching above you and your nails dug into her skin. "I love you, too. You're the only one for me."

You released a shuddering whine at her proclamation and you gripped her as tightly as your spent body would let you as another orgasm overtook you. Your vision quite literally began to fade out as pleasure washed over you so thoroughly you couldn't even think anymore.

You just lay there, eyes closed, chest heaving up and down, and beyond spent. You didn't even recognize when she got up out of bed, only connecting the dots when the bed shifted as she got back in holding out a glass of water to you.

You blinked in a haze and she very sweetly kissed your cheek. She helped you sit up so you could drink some water. When you pushed the glass back into her hand she set it onto your nightstand and you allowed yourself to collapse back into the bed, still catching your breath.

She laid on her back, her head resting on your stomach. You absently played with her hair and laid your other hand on her chest. She grasped your hand gently without hesitation and laid a chaste kiss to your knuckles.

You opened your eyes again and realized the room was dark - the sun having set outside. All sense of time was lost.

And frankly, you didn't care. Your heavy eyelids fell once more.

You weren't sure when you opened your eyes again, but Jessie was still in your embrace.

"I'm falling asleep," you admitted, eyes shutting once more already. "Are you?" She shook her head against your stomach.

"No."

You forced yourself to open your eyes, hardly hanging on. You barely heard her add.

"I don't want to fall asleep."

You mind struggled to process, but she shifted, lifting herself off of you and maneuvering you under the blankets and tucking you in.

"You sleep," she told you. You blindly palmed the bed, searching for her. She grabbed your hand.

"Will you stay?" You asked. She laid a soft, lingering kiss on your cheek as she climbed in next to you.

"As long as you want me to."

---------------

Light filtered into the room when you woke from sleep. Before your vision had even come into focus, you recognized an arm wrapped securely around your waist. You cuddled in instinctually.

When your consciousness finally caught up with you, you were face to face with Jessie. Thoughts of yesterday flooded your senses. You actually reached out, a hand falling softly to her cheek as if to make sure she were real and not a figment of your imagination.

Jessie was watching you sleep, clearly already well awake. In another time, you would've half expected her to get sheepish and laugh at herself for watching you so unabashedly. She didn't flinch. Instead, she smiled gently into your touch and tenderly thumbed your hip bone.

"How long have you been awake?" You asked, voice still thick with sleep as you tucked your head under her chin without thought. She kissed the top of your head.

"Not that long," she said simply. She kissed you again. "Did you sleep okay?"

Your mouth pulled into a smile unprompted. You know it was entirely bizarre that Jessie was in your bed. It wasn't your old life, it wasn't an alternate reality - it was here and now and it felt good. It felt right. You slept better last night than you could recall in months. This levity you felt in her arms was greater than you'd felt in so long.

You nodded.

"I slept really well. Did you sleep okay?" You reciprocated.

"I slept really well," she echoed as she kissed your head yet again.

There was a brief lull and you momentarily stalled the words forming in your throat before relenting.

"I'm glad you're still here," you confessed.

She brought two fingers to your chin and tilted your head up gently so she could kiss your lips, soft and gentle.

"Me too. Thank you for letting me stay," she said.

You smiled at her and she brought her hand to your cheek and caressed your face in adoration. You blushed under her unflinching stare.

"Yesterday was...," you trailed off with a disbelieving shake of your head and a laugh. You blushed further, but a glint formed in your eyes. "And I thought we had intense sex before."

A laugh bubbled up her throat and she eventually allowed herself a fulsome laugh, kissing your shoulder and hugging you to her.

When she pulled back you could see her mind working. You prompted her to speak. She shrugged, but you nudged her, urging her on. She sighed softly.

"I contemplated asking you how I compared to...the others. But I realized I don't care. I know how this sounds - but with the connection we have," she inhaled, "there's nothing like it. I know sex between us is special." She held your gaze. "It's more than sex."

You found yourself nodding along in agreement and it was hard to ignore how her quiet confidence made your core pulse again with renewed desire.

You thumbed her cheek, her freckles highlighted by the sunlight breaking through the blinds. You tilted up to kiss her.

The kiss started chaste, but it soon deepened and you lifted your leg to hook over the side of hers, drawing a soft, appreciative moan from her.

"I've missed waking up with you," you whispered into the kiss as you grasped her hand, guiding it down between your legs.

She needed no further guidance as she pushed two, thick fingers through your folds. She reached your entrance and her jaw grew slack at the wetness she found there. She dipped her fingers forward, just barely pushing inside of you, just enough to coat her fingers better and she drew them back up through your lips, spreading your slickness.

You moaned lightly into the kiss and angled your hips into her hand.

"Fuck, baby," she breathed. "You are so tempting."

"Yeah?" You asked as you shifted your weight, fully hooking your leg over her, pushing her onto her back and now straddling her. You grabbed her hand again, pushing her fingers through your folds and slowly inside of you, adoring how her eyes rolled into the back of her head at the action. "Seeing how wet I am, I think it's safe to say you're tempting too."

"You're so beautiful," she said as she slowly began to pump her fingers in and out of you, her thumb settling on your clit and circling.

"I'm so wet for you already," you said as you rocked above her, well aware of her hardness now standing tall and yearning for entry.

"I want you," she breathed, her hips helplessly rocking up into the space between your bodies.

"So take me," you said into the kiss as you lowered your hips closer to her.

She moaned headily into the kiss and removed her fingers, swiftly setting her length at your entrance instead. She moved the tip back and forth through your arousal a few times before nudging up into you, your entrance stretching to accommodate her girth.

You gasped as she began to fill you and she gripped your hips, gently guiding you down onto her length as she moaned.

"God, you're so fucking tight," she nearly hissed. "You feel so amazing."

You underestimated the toll yesterday took on you, and only a few strokes in your legs already began to shake. She shifted her grip, holding you from underneath and she helped you tremendously, her biceps flexing with each movement.

"Oh my God," you found yourself saying already as you fell forward, your forehead resting against her collarbone. She gave you a quick kiss on the head, but continued to lift you up and down on her length, fucking you from underneath.

"I've missed you so much," she said as she rocked you on top of her.

"I've missed you, too, baby," you said as you pushed yourself up enough to meet her in a kiss.

"I don't want to let you go," she added, her voice taut and her grip tightening on you.

"I don't want you to," you reciprocated with zero hesitation. Jessie whined high in her throat and swallowed audibly. Her hips thrust into you with greater fervour.

"I love you so much," she said. You kissed her hard.

"I love you, too."

Your walls began to spasm around her, your whole body growing tense in her hold.

"Mmm, fuck," she hissed as your clamped down on her, massaging her. "I love the way you grip me. I can feel you pulsing. Jesus Christ, baby. Here it comes," she said, followed by a waning grunt as she held her hips flush against your core and exploded inside of you. Her member twitched inside of your walls as she drained herself into you.

The physical support she gave faltered as she came and you grew slack on her body, collapsed on top of her.

She remained inside of you as her cock began to slowly soften. Only when you shifted did she pop out, her hot cum dripping out of you, down your slit and onto her.

"Jesus, baby," you murmured as you rolled your head against her shoulder. "I'm wrecked. Oh my god," you said as you shifted, your legs trembling once again. You sat up on her and winced. "Jesus. I'm not going to be able to sit at all today." You had to laugh.

"My baby, I'm sorry," she said through a light laugh though she tenderly kissed your forehead. "Let me take care of you."

You didn't question, you just let her walk you to the bathroom - leaning on her more than you cared to admit as you did. She ran you a hot bath and guided you into the tub. You released a sigh of relief and she chuckled warmly.

"You're joining, right?" You asked. She looked uncertain for a second before nodding her acceptance and taking a seat across from you.

You both relaxed in the waters, chatting easily as you bathed. You soaped up the loofah and began to try to get your back. She gave you a subtle nod.

"Need help?"

You smirked. "If you're offering."

"Come here, baby," she beckoned and helped slot you into the space between her legs. She sudded you up, massaging your sore muscles as she did so.

Admittedly, despite how many times you'd brought each other up and over the peaks of desire the past day, you found yourself growing wet yet again under her skillful ministrations.

You scooched back further into her and she bit back a moan, you could feel how firm she was already. You reached back and retrieved the loofah from her and set it on the ledge of the bath. You grabbed her hand and snaked it around your waist and back down to your core.

She groaned into your neck as she buried her head against you.

"You sure? You said you were sore," she said though two of her fingers gently rubbed your clit, causing you to writhe in her arms already.

"This is good," you told her as you rolled your hips up to meet her fingers, searching for friction.

She started laying open-mouth kisses along the nape of your neck. You tilted your head, extending your neck and giving her more access. Her tongue came out and playfully licked at your skin before she tenderly kissed you again. Her fingers pressed against your clit firmer, rubbing you and she attentively followed the pace and angles that your hips relayed.

You leaned back into her body, loving the way her arms enveloped you. Her breath tickled your skin and her loving kisses warmed your entire body.

As she continued to tend to you, you let your head fall back, pushing yourself further into her and she leaned down, kissing your mouth as you brought a hand up to the back of her head.

"You are so gorgeous," she murmured into the kiss as she began massaging your breasts. She gently pinched your nipples now and then, drawing soft gasps from you.

In time, you reached your peak again, another, admittedly gentler, orgasm washed over you as you writhed and mewled in her arms.

"So beautiful. So beautiful, my baby," she chanted in your ear as she continued to circle your clit, slowly bringing you down from your high.

You grew lax in her arms and her chest shook with a gentle laugh as she hugged you to her.

As you came to, you became newly reminded of Jessie's raging hard on sandwiched between your body and hers.

You shifted in the water, moving onto your knees and steadying yourself before rising. "Let's rinse off," you told her. She glanced down at her arousal, a light blush forming on her face and you shook your head, dismissing her concern.

"I love that I have that effect on you," you told her as you held out a hand for her. She took it, though rose up with her own effort, not wanting to tax you further.

You pushed her by the shoulders to the wall and kissed her deeply, moaning unabashedly, rubbing your body against her and her erection. She moaned into the kiss in return.

"You are beyond sexy," she muttered into the kiss, "you always have this effect on me."

Your mind twisted and turned - you shouldn't say a thing, but you couldn't stop yourself. You grasped her length in your hand and began to stroke her up and down, adoring the way her knees immediately weakened at your touch.

"Are you mine?" You asked against your better judgement. She breathed into the kiss, a small whimper coming from her lips. She looked to you and gave a series of short nods.

"I am. Always yours, Y/N." Your fist rode up her length, your thumb caressing her sensitive head, before gliding down and toying with the base. She shuddered as she spoke, eyes still fixed on you, "Always."

You cupped her cheek with your other hand and gave her a heated kiss, which she readily met as you continued to pump her up and down. Her abs flexed, hips twitching, as your touch sent pulses of pleasure through her body.

You worked the tip of her cock and you watched in adoration as her eyes rolled up into the back of her head, knees growing slack and she palmed the tile wall with one hand and clutching your body with the other.

"Cum for me, baby," you whispered in her ear, tugging on her earlobe with your teeth before giving a lick along the shell of it. Her chest rose and fell rapidly as her climax approached. "I know you want to."

"Fuck," she whimpered, pulling you tightly to her. "Y/N. God, I love you so much."

You pumped her length firmly, letting the fingers of your other hand trail fleetingly down her neck. "Cum for me, my love."

Her hips twitched harder and remained flexed this time, and a few spurts of cum poured out of the tip of her cock and onto your fist. She'd cum so many times the past 24 hours that it didn't have the same power or volume as normal, but the fact that she had anything left at all seemed a miracle to you.

This time, she clung onto you, despite your bodily fatigue, as she recovered.

"Holy God. The things you do to me," she breathed as she worked to catch her breath.

You were both slow to finish rinsing off. You stood in one another's embrace under the warm water of the shower for longer than you needed to, but eventually turned off the water and exited.

You smiled to yourself as Jessie grabbed your towel and dried you off, peppering light, sweet kisses along your body as she did so. You pushed her back and did the same to her. You caught the warm, longing look she gave you as you dried her.

"Where are my clothes...," Jessie mumbled as she looked idly around, drawing an amused laugh out of you.

"That is an excellent question," you said. "They were lost many, many hours ago and haven't been seen since."

You laughed together as you retraced your steps and found her clothes. You both got changed and you went to the kitchen to grab some more food.

"So, um," Jessie started as you both sat next to one another on the kitchen counter eating some yogurt and berries and downing more water. Her tentativeness drew your attention. "As amazing as this has been, I um, I need to go soon."

"Yeah?" You asked quietly. It was inevitable. You'd bubble wrapped yourselves in this apartment; it was only a matter of time until the world outside of these walls imposed themselves on you again.

"I have to pick up Zoie," she said and you caught the cursory glance she shot you before decidedly looking back at her yogurt. "She's with me this week. I'm taking her up to my parents now that the season's over."

She glanced over at you again, anticipating that this admission would ruin this mirage you'd both created. Honestly, even you were waiting for your own upset to hit.

The upset didn't come.

The only upset you felt was a wish to be a part of it. A wish you quashed - with some hesitation and regret - before you could fall too deep into it.

"That sounds really nice," you told her, not having to lie. A slow smile crossed your face. "Say 'hi' to your parents for me. And to Zoie. I hope they're all doing well."

Jessie watched you quietly, still waiting for the other shoe to drop. When it didn't, she went on with a few rapid nods.

"Of course. Yeah." She dropped her gaze quickly as she wracked her mind. "They miss you, you know. All of them." She swallowed and locked eyes on you. "And for clarity - it's just me and Zoie. Sara's not really involved anymore. Not like she was. We've got shit pretty sorted out now."

You nodded your understanding. "That's good. I mean, not good. But I'm glad things are more settled."

Again, you waited for upset to wash over you, but above all you felt...calm. Secure. More confident. Strangely.

You weren't together, yet somehow you felt more centered, and more in Jessie's focus. Like the trust that was so damaged before was somehow greatly restored. She'd had every opportunity to move on, to replace you, to forget you. She hadn't.

There was still much for you two to sort out. But, maybe the door that you were so firmly set on keeping closed, could be set ajar.

A quick breakfast done, Jessie now put on her shoes at the door.

"What now?" She asked as she tucked her hands into the pockets of her hoodie. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other with a newfound anxiousness mounting. "Was this...I don't know, a one time thing? Or have things...changed?" She scratched at her temple, gaze drifting to the floor. She shrugged and let out a weak laugh.

"As amazing as this was," she went on, forcing herself to look at you again. You could see the trepidation and burgeoning hurt in her eyes. "I can't do this. Just this. I want a relationship with you. I want everything with you. So, as incredible as this was and how intimate it all felt, I...I'm not cut out for it," she finished, visibly swallowing her pending upset.

You closed the space between you two, tenderly wrapping your arms around her waist and she immediately drew her hands from her pockets to embrace you. You laid a chaste kiss to her shoulder.

"I'm not cut out for this kind of thing either," you told her. You sighed quietly and she hugged you tighter. "I guess we talk more," you told her. She pulled her head back to look at you.

"Really? You mean it?" She asked, eyes clear with wonder. You nodded.

"Yeah. I think we should talk. When you're back," you said. "You know - enjoy your trip to Canada. Have fun with Zoie. And, let's talk when you're back."

She released a grateful breath, her eyes searching yours.

"Okay. That sounds amazing. Thank you - thank you so much," she said.

You chuckled softly and leaned up to capture her lips in a tender kiss.

"Things are up the air, and undefined, but, um, yeah," you couldn't help but blush as you recalled flashes of the past day, "there's clearly things that are unresolved between us. So. Let's talk."

She nodded eagerly, quietly beaming and looking so hopeful. "Okay. We definitely will, then."

What’s a tired person’s favourite exercise? Yawning! picture

Why did the lamp go to bed early? It was burnt out! 

Later that night you try to call Jessie multiple times, but she declines every single time, actively. After the fourth or fifth time she writes you go to sleep you seemed tired.

Irritated you glance at the message. “What? What do you mean? Did I play bad?”

Jessie bid her lip, holding back to cave in. “No, the picture.”

“??”

She didn’t answer you again

The next day was an off day for you, and you had planed a date with Jessie beforehand.

For the first time in months where neither of you had places to be or times to einhalten.

You waited in front of the small café, hidden in a quiet side street in the little village where your hotel is a few kilometres outside off a little on the mountain.

Five minutes fly past.

Fifteen.

Thirty.

It doesn’t seem like Jessie, she would never be late. It’s just not her.

You called, sent her texts. Nothing.

Despairingly you called Niamh, who was 100% at the hotel taking a nap.

Her voice deep, hoarse. “What?”

“I’m waiting for her, since 12 and no sight of Jess. Do you think something happened to her? She doesn’t answer my calls or messages.” You rattle, no breaths taken.

“No, that’s not like her.” She coughs. “I’ll try ma luck. Call you back.”

Thank you, Neve.”

A lifetime your phone vibrates and a picture of Niamh and you beams back.

“I couldn’t reach her.” Niamh voice small through the speaker.

You took a deep breath, the first one since your best friend picked up. “No, no… I can’t believe it, she’s miles away from home and something happened to her. I don’t even know where she is.”

Silence falls on the line.

Then, Niamh clears her throat, taking a shaking breath.

“Wait a damn minute…”

Niamh voice stops your train of thought. “What for?”

“You’re lying!”

Her eye rolling could be heard through the device. “No, I’m not.”

“Absolutely!”

“Y/N, no joke.”

“She doesn’t want to hear from me, she’s ignoring me. Tell me, now,” voice deep, all the concern you felt moments before washed away as you demand the truth.

“She said, she doesn’t feel well.”

“Still a lie.”

After seconds she denies, “no…”

“Well then maybe not the truth.”

“I cant tell you the true reason cause that’s something the two of you should resolve.”

Furious of the facts Jessie is mad and ignoring you and that Niamh, your best friends for over 10 years doesn’t tell you and comes to the Canadian’s defence that really grates on your nerves. “Fuck off.” You end the call, bristling with anger.

What could possible the reason your girlfriend doesn’t want to spent time with you and for your friend to not tell you the reason she doesn’t want to.

You trotted the way back to the tram which will take you back to the hotel. When you arrived lucy, Ella and Esme sat on the front porch, enjoying the sun, looking into the mountains laughing about small things. Walking straight past, you feel their glances on your back. Everyone knew you went to meet Jessie after a lifetime of calls and texts.

Barricading yourself in your room, blanket thrown over your body, shutting the reality out. Knocks echo shortly after through the air.

Then voices call after you.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” lucy questions.

“Weren’t you supposed to spent time with jess?” Esme’s voice was muffled through the wood.

But you stayed silent. At some point they would leave you alone, hopefully. Minutes drag by and the scrapping of feet over the floor travel in the air.

Then followed silence.

Drowning silence.

Until you hear familiar footsteps. “Serious?!” her voice cuts through the air. “Y/N,” she knocks with force onto the wood. “open up!”

“NO!”

“I’ll break down the door.”

A groan escapes you as you stand up and open the door. Niamh stood there with a half-eaten biscuit. “Peace offer?” she slowly extends her arm so the biscuit almost crashes into your chest.

“I’m not even worth a whole?”

“Shut up and take it before I put salvia all over it too.”

“How do I know you didn’t already do?”

A mischievous smile spreads onto her lips.

You take the pastry from her and put it your mouth. “But I still hate you,” you say with your mouth full, trying not to drop any crumbs.

“Why me? Shouldn’t you be angry with Jessie?”

“No, I’m just hurt.”

She stays silent.

“She stood me up. Doesn’t answer my calls, ignores my messages. What did she say to you?”

Her eyes wander the room, avoiding you with her life.

“Neve, what did she tell you on the phone?!” heat travels through your veins.

“Well as I said, it’s something the two of you should discuss.”

“What could be this serious you shut your noisy mouth?”

“I totally understand her. Maybe it’s just the distance and if you tell her your plan everything gets better, but I kinda see her point.”

A look of puzzlement settles on her face. “I … I would love to clear things up, but doesn’t you get the part where she ignores me?!”

“I do.”

“Can you tell me what this is about, so I can start to change it and she’ll notice?”

“Maybe… maybe you should overthink your closeness to some on the team.”

“What?!”

“Yeah, like maybe some things, let them be reserved for Jessie.”

“Are you fucking serious? She promised me she’s fine with my nature of how cuddly I am with you.”

“Maybe not me in general. I like it, don’t get me wrong. Gives me strength, makes me happy, I feel wanted, you’re like a sister. I’ll miss it, truly.”

“With everybody its just like this. You’re my second family. I feel grounded with this closeness yet ill trade it for any minute I could get with Jessie.” Tears sting in your eyes and Niamh rushes over to you. Arms slinging around your shoulders.

“Oh, I know and I hope she does too.”

“Yeah.”

The next days you keep more to yourself and Niamh. When you pass certain players, you get questioning looks. The atmosphere around you got quieter, normally you were lively, fiercely. But you went inwardly. the semifinal game flew by, but you couldn’t feel the enthusiasm your fellow teammates hold. Jessie’s still distant your way and you try to ignore it. But your heart was heavy, not seeing her despite the few chances you could have.

You sat in the coach minutes before the hour-long travel to the stadium began. You sat at the window, the left seat still empty, still no sign of Niamh. Her perfume proceeds her and before she took the seat next to you, you knew who sat there.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“That’s a lie.”

“No?”

“Sure.”

Silence falls between you two.

“You’re ignoring me.”

“No. Just,” you stop, thinking. “Thinking.”

“About?”

“Nothing specific. Just things,” you fiddle with the scrunchy on your wrist.

“Tell me.”

“Lucy,” you warn her, voice tight. “Leave it be.”

“And if not.”

You rise from your seat and walk past her, down the aisle and took the seat next to Leah. Knowing she’s always quiet before games, thinking, getting into the tunnel.

Her sight falls on you and she asks without words.

“Please don’t,” you mutter as you lean your heads on her shoulder. Her body under you moves as she shrugs.

“You seem off,” the captain comments. “Are you good?”

You shake your head.

“Are you getting sick? You shouldn’t play if you don’t feel well.”

“I’m good,” you whisper.

“But…”

“Leah, I swear, please shut up.”

“Okay, okay,” she assures you.

Then you close your eyes, “thank you.”

Standing in the dug out your thoughts are running, still circling the same topic. You found her during warm up, sitting next to your parents, deep in conversation about everything under the sun. you know how your parents are, always enjoying spending time with Jessie, they love her, always interested how her games went, practice or asking about her parents. A little smile grow on your lips as you reminisce. Jessie didn’t notice you at first, but your eyes burn holes into her skin. Nimah pocked your side and brought you back to reality.

When the net rustles after Mariona sent the ball pass Hannah your heart sunk down your body. You went to her from your position in the midfield and tries to cheer her up despite your own turmoil. With the deficit you went into the changing room at half time. Before you disappeared into the tunnel your gaze met Jessie in the stands and she presents you a small smile, hope bubbles in your stomach and you stood an inch higher.

The ball was glued to your foot as you make your way down the midfield, slaloming past the Spanish player. Passing the ball to Ella on the wing you run further into the Spanish half. When the ball was back at your feet you don’t hesitate and shoot at the goal. As the ball rolls from the top corner diagonally down along the net you throw your arms up in the air. Lucy was one of the first arriving at your side, she pulls her arms around your hips and lifts you up towards the sky. You felt inexorable. As if a mind on their own your eyes wander through the faces until they land on Jessie again. Her lips pressed together as she nods once.

Odd.

The game went on and reached extra time. After millions of tedious runs back into your own penalty box and forwards again you see lucy hobble back into her position. You supported her with the fast Pina. But at some point, the older player couldn’t move on. She sat down on the grass, and you kneel beside her.

“You good?”

She just shakes her head, reaching for the hem of her shirt and pulling the fabric over her face. You wave for the medics.

“What happened?”

“My shin. I cant it hurts so much.”

“It’s all right. Better to substitute.”

“No!”

“Lucy…”

The referee gestured to her to leave the pitch, and the medics help her onto her feet, and you aided her side so she could relieve the pressure from her bad leg.

“Y/N, go. They need you more than me.”

 “Shut up. You’re incredible, old lady.”

She flips gentle against your cheek. She entangles her arm from your shoulder, and you slowly retreat yourself backwards back to the game, one corner of your mouth pulled up. Lucy couldn’t move on and Niamh was switched into her place.

After the whistle disturbs the celebrating atmosphere, the hard truth hit you. Penalties.

Beth first try was invalid cause she slipped and touched the ball two times. The second try was deflected by Cata Coll. Ass she came back to the team you pulled her into your side and pat her on the back, encouraging her.

Patri converted her shoot on the goal.

So did Greenwood.

Hannah saved the penalty from Mariona.

Before Niamh went to the spot you whisper motivation to her on your left side. “Go girl. You’re marvellous. I believe in you. You can do this.” With a powerful shot, she send the ball into the left corner. The net rattles and you scream at the top of your lungs, clapping. “Yes Niamh! That’s my best friend!” she takes her places at your side again and you rock her with your arm around her shoulder.

Aitana’s shot was also saved by Hannah, pride taking its room in your chest as you watch the young goalkeeper bloom.

Next up was Leah, you shut your mouth tight. She hated when some of the team shouts towards her when she walks to the spot. But still, she couldn’t convert the penalty btu you still lead the sheet. You’re determined to go over to her once the penalty shoot-out is over.

Spain’s shooter couldn’t convert their penalty as well.

Now it was your turn to step up. You take four steps backwards, taking a deep breath in and a longer exhale. Your steps begin slow and then you accelerate, banging the ball under the crossbar into the left corner and the rest was history.

Everybody comes running towards your as you take off to the English stand. Arms outstretched to the side. Niamh was the first to reach you, she runs so she’s ahead of you and pulls you into an embrace, stopping you both in tracks. “What the hell, this penalty where do you took the strength?”

You shrug your shoulders and she moves to your back and jumps onto it. You carry her the rest of the way piggy bag.

__

You thought she would have left the stadium by the time the team moved the celebration from the pitch to the changing room. But as you walk around the corner you see her standing there leaning with her shoulder on the wall talking to Niamh, her back facing you. Naimh gaze meets yours and she shyly smiles at you. Placing a hand on jessies shoulder, saying one last thing to the Canadian before heading to the changing room.

Jessie slowly turns in her spot and lifts her head, her face coming into view as her cap raises with the movement.

“Hey,” your voice almost betrays you.

“Hey,” she whispers back. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you.”

There you were face to face after days of almost radio silence.

Silence fills the air but the unusual awkward, nervous silence.

“You were astonishing.”

“Thank you.” Your sight falls on the floor, and you scratch the floor with your pick.

You wanted to feel her arms around you. Her reassuring, rhythmical heartbeat. Her fingers scratching your head, rubbing circles on your back.

She cleared her throat and your eyes fall back on her.

“Can we talk…” you take a shaky breath, “please?”

She nodded and turned around analysing her surroundings. “Let’s take the first aid ward.”

Silence fills the space between you again. The distance feels further than when she’s back in America.

“You’re always smiling at her.”

“Yeah? That’s what you do in a conversation? You smile.”

“Not like this,” she sights. “Forget it, it’s stupid.”

“You’re annoyed. Why?”

“No.”

“You are.”

“I’m not!”

“Wait are you jealous?”

“No… no. why would I be jealous?!”

“I don’t know that’s why I am asking. Why are you acting the way you did …?”

“Because we used to do all these things together!” her voice grew louder, anger audible. She took a breath, shuddering. “Sorry, interrupted you. Carry on, please.”

“I tried to reach out to you, I called, I sent texts, but you ignored me.”

“What was that the last days? Since she’s at Chelsea, you’re all over her like I don’t exist or something.”

“What? Who?”

“You know who.”

“Lucy?”

Jessie nods.

“But why does it bother you so much, it’s exactly how I am with Sammy and Niamh.”

“Now you’re not.”

“Of course.”

“No, because you don’t look at Niamh like she hung the stars for you or at Sammy like she holds the secret to a perfect life. You’re glued to her, on the pitch, off it, you’re never letting her out of your sight. Sam and Niamh always share stories about your game nights or anything besides practice and matchdays. And it’s always Y/N and Lucy here… there and everywhere. And I tried to live with it, to overlook it, ignore it but if you don’t love me anymore, please just tell me because I can’t let you rip my heart out.”

“I tried to give her the feeling she’s at home, not left out. After years living in Spain, I thought shed a hard time settling back into London weather and the culture. Give her the same feeling she gave me a decade ago as my first call up happened.”

“Well, she’s a grown woman. I think she could handle the move alone.”

“Yeah, maybe but her girlfriend is back in Spain, at first, she her apartment made troubles, her neighbours were noisy cause she’s a star. I offered my place for more discretion. Nala her dog, was still back in Spain until she settled in. only a few blocks away from each other, we drove to practice together and all those small things, friends do.”

“Things we did. Before our relationship.”

“Do you hear yourself speaking? We know each other 2018 when I was this little, naïve youth player who was given the chance in the national team. She’s eight years older, experienced. She took me under her wings. Lucy is like a big sister to me, helped me through a lot. Helped me with you!”

she give you a questioning look.

“My feelings. I didn’t understand them cause you were my best friend and I never felt like this and I was so confused and lost. She helped me figure it out and how I could ask and all this.”

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry I made you question my intention or actions with her. That you don’t trust me to tell me. I’m sorry you feel insecure in our relationship. I love you, with all my heart, to the day I die. I’d leave everything and everyone if I could have time with you. I wanted to surprise you but… but the last days were torture for me and I…I had the worst fears and scenarios play in my head.”

“I’m sorry. It was childish and I treated you like trash, it was unfair. I think the last shot was dedicated to me,” she chuckles. A sound you thought you never would miss.

“kinda,” you join her.

She offers you her hand and you gladly take it. Her warmth travelling from your fingers further into your body. Relaxing your muscles and nerves.

“What was my surprise? If I’m still honourable to know.”

You squeeze her hand. “Can it wait until I showered? Got it in my bag.”

“Did you looked into the future that this would happen?”

You roll your eyes, “duh.”

She shoves your forehead gently and you show her your tongue, scrunching your nose.

“I love you.” Jessie inches closer, giving you time to retrieve from the gesture but you pulled her closer, so you could taste her further.

“I’m forever sorry I made you feel like I”

“Shut your mouth and kiss me again. I fucking missed you.”

Leah had invited some of her Arsenal teammates and their plus ones over for a big dinner at her place, to which you'd eagerly agreed when you first got the invitation. After a bit of convincing, you'd managed to get Jessie on board too – the self-consciousness about being the only Chelsea player in a predominantly Arsenal-covered living room quickly washed away with the prospect of a little mingling with old and new friends in sight.

Right now, though, a dinner with friends was the last thing on Jessie's mind. Admittedly, it wasn't really at the front of yours either. Your every thought now laced with pleasure, you tried your absolute hardest to keep a little bit of self-control before you lost yourself completely in Jessie's touch, in the feeling of her burgeoning hard-on pressing against your awaiting core.

"Yeah", Jessie breathed against you, forcing her eyes closed because your blissed out face was pushing her towards an edge she didn't want to be at yet, "yeah, you're right," she said, but made no move to stop or get up, if anything she pushed your hips harder against hers.

You lifted your head from her neck in a vain attempt to regain some control, but seeing Jessie's baby hairs sticking against her forehead that was covered in a sheen layer of sweat, a frown etched upon her face as she concentrated on being good for you with her eyes closed, there wasn't a single cell in your body that wanted anything else but this.

"Fuck it," you mumbled underneath your breath, "we'll make up an excuse later," it was the last bit of encouragement that Jessie needed, already lifting you up from the couch before you even got a chance at finishing your sentence. You squealed as she lifted you up and you put your legs around her waist, hanging onto her while she manoeuvred the two of you up the stairs and into her bedroom.

You and Jessie hadn't gone much further than a few heated make-out sessions on either of your couches yet. The relationship was fairly new and as much as you were completely infatuated by her, you'd promised each other to take it slow. But the past week, anytime Jessie did anything but breathe near you, you wanted nothing more than to jump her bones – you were ovulating, in your defense. So when you rang her doorbell that night, having gotten ready in your own apartment for Leah's dinner, and Jessie opened the door in a white button-up shirt that was tucked into a pair of black slacks that perfectly hugged her muscular thighs, you knew you wouldn't have the self control to restrain yourself tonight.

Jessie's button-up shirt and your dress long forgotten – not without the promise that you'd wear it again for her – your girlfriend placed you on the bed and crawled on top of you. "You drive me crazy, baby, honestly. I need you so bad," she said, pulling a moan from you. Jessie had always been – and still was – quite reserved. She had her moments with you where she would turn into herself, but those were rare. With other people, though, it was rare that they would see Jessie let loose. So when you discovered that Jessie was quite the dirty talker in bed, it's safe to say you more than were surprised. Pleasantly surprised, that's for sure.

Your Canadian peppered kisses all over your face, your cheek and jawline until she reached the base of your neck, where she let her wet tongue glide over the sensitive skin all the way back up until she reached your ear, where she softly nipped on your earlobe. All your senses were overwhelmed with Jessie – you saw, heard, felt and smelled nothing but her. And you loved it.

A couple moments later Jessie still found her face nuzzled into your neck, sucking, kissing and licking all over the skin there. And as much as you liked it and it felt good, you were starting to feel quite the throb between your legs – and you wanted, needed, her to do something about it.

"Jess", you said breathily, to which she lifted her head. "Please, I need you," you continued, to which a small smirk tugged at her lips. "What do you need, love?" she asked. You groaned and threw your head back. "Your mouth, your fingers, your dick. Anything, Jess." A shiver rolled down Jessie's spine as you finished talking, purely due to the excitement of what was about to come.

The Canadian wasn't particularly someone for one-night stands, she simply loved too hard to be able to fuck someone without catching any sorts of feelings for them. That, combined with her busy schedule, meant she hadn't dated in a good while. Meaning that, for the last couple of years, the only relief Jessie could give herself was the pumping of her own hand. Merely the thought of her length being enveloped in your warm tunnel had her almost bursting.

She slowly made her way down, pressing open-mouthed kisses all over your body. You could feel her sucking your skin and marking you up, but you didn't have an ounce of self-control left in your body anymore to tell her to stop. She reached your underwear and teased you by dipping one finger underneath the waistband, but not trailing further.

"Can I take this off?" she asked softly, earning a nod from you. "I'm gonna need words, beautiful," she said, when you didn't speak up further. "I know you can do that for me," she continued, which caused you to blush. "Yeah-, yeah, that's okay. Only if you undress too," you replied. Jessie glanced down at her own body and noticed that she was still half-dressed, her lower body still covered. She stood up quickly and kicked off her trousers and socks – her swollen cock a little less restrained which caused her to sigh a breath of relief – before settling her body between your legs again.

A smile tugged at the corners of her lips when she pulled your underwear down your legs, a string of your arousal connected to the garment. "You're soaked baby, god, you're so hot," Jessie mumbled.

Your girlfriend skipped the teasing and torturing and delved straight in, your scent way too intoxicating for the Canadian to wait any longer to taste you. Jessie licked a long, slow stripe from your entrance up to your clit, gathering your arousal in her mouth and spreading it all over your lips. You couldn't hold back the moan that escaped your lips upon the feeling of Jessie's warm tongue against your heat.

"Fuck, Jess, that's so good," you said breathlessly. You had been uncertain and insecure about this moment for a long time, but you couldn't have wished for a better time to take the next step in your relationship. You were pulled out of your thoughts when Jessie took your sensitive nub in her mouth and teasingly flicked her tongue across it, earning a grunt from you. You tangled your hands in her curls and gave a sharp tug when you felt her teeth graze your clit, the sting subsiding quickly when she started sucking on it again.

It wasn't long before you started to feel a tightening sensation starting to bubble up inside of you. Jessie's tongue was working wonders against your core and you were seriously questioning why it had taken the two of you so long to get to this point. The room was filled with the sounds of your moans and the squelching of your drenched core, riling you up further – if that was even possible. Jessie hadn't even used her fingers yet and she had you teetering on the edge.

"Jess," you breathed, trying to form a coherent sentence while the Canadian was sucking and licking on you at a relentless pace. "I'm close, baby, you're gonna make me cum," you continued. Jessie hummed into your pussy, not relenting by any means. In response, she squeezed your thighs that were resting on her shoulders. Your moans rose in pitch as she brought you closer and closer to your high, not letting her pace waver once you started squirming and bucking underneath her.

"Oh fuck, Jess, fuck, I'm cumming," you mustered, right before you felt the coil in your belly snap. You arched your back off the bed and threw your head back, your thighs locking around Jessie's head whose ministrations kept going. You let out a loud moan as you started to come down, your girlfriend guiding you through your orgasm and eventually releasing your lips with a pop as you started growing sensitive.

You dropped your legs from Jessie's shoulders and rested them on the mattress, trying to catch your breath from the mind-blowing orgasm you just had. "Fuck, that was good," you said, not needing to glance at Jessie to know there was a smug smirk plastered on her face. She rested her head on your thigh and pressed soft kisses, waiting for you to come down from your high.

A couple moments later you managed to catch your breath, and opened your eyes to look at her. "You're amazing", you said, a light smile tugging at your lips. You couldn't miss the small blush that crept upon your girlfriend's cheeks at your words. "Thank you, baby, I love making you feel good," she replied.

Another few moments of silence went by before you spoke up. "What about you?" you said, wanting nothing more than to return the favor but not really knowing how to approach the subject. After all, you were quite nervous, to put it lightly. You had never had sex with a dick before, and you definitely didn't know whether you were going to be any good at it – whether you would like it even. Jessie and you had talked about it countless of times, talked about what you thought you would like and not like, because the last thing she wanted was to make you uncomfortable or to hurt you in the moment.

"What about me?" Jessie quipped back, but you didn't miss the glint in her eyes. She climbed up your body and laid her head on your chest before you replied. "I want you to feel good too," you said softly, to which she let out a little chuckle. "Pleasuring you is more than enough, baby," she said, to which you rolled your eyes. "I'm not having that, Fleming. You know what I mean."

Jessie chuckled and looked up at you. "Are you sure? I know we said we'd take things slow on this regard," she asked. She was right. You had told her that you wanted to take things slow. You were more than comfortable with the Canadian but you didn't want to rush into things. You nodded, taking a deep breath before continuing the conversation. "Yeah, you're right. I did say that. But this feels good. It feels right," you said, tucking a strand of hair behind Jessie's ear. "So if it feels right for you too, I'm more than willing to try some things."

"It feels more than right, you know that, but I just want to make sure that you feel okay with all of this. I'd never want to rush you into doing things you'd rather not," Jessie said softly, tracing patterns on your bare chest. You pressed a kiss against her crown and took her chin between your thumb and index finger, tilting her head up towards you. You gave her an appreciative look before you spoke. "You're perfect, Jess. I love how mindful you are being, but I promise that I'm okay with this. I'd tell you if I wasn't."

Jessie gave you a nod and a warm smile before rolling off your body and sitting up, seemingly a bit nervous about her next step. She looked around hesitantly around the room. "You okay, Jess?" you inquired, now sitting up against the headboard. "Y-yeah, I was just," she breathed, voice slightly wavering. You frowned, wondering what had gotten Jessie visibly upset. "We're on the same page, right?" she asked. You cocked an eyebrow at your girlfriend. "I think so, yeah? I don't know what you mean, but I don't see how we couldn't be."

Jessie seemed to relax a little at your words. "Is it okay if I grab a condom, then?" you chuckled at her question, shaking her head in disbelief before speaking up again. "Of course, Jess, why are you so nervous about that?"

"I don't know, we hadn't verbally agreed on what we wanted next and I didn't want to just grab a condom if I wasn't sure that this is what you wanted," she explained. A small smile tugged at your lips as you leant in and cupped her cheek, pressing a tender kiss against her lips before you replied. "You're adorable. Thank you for checking in. But yeah I can confirm that this," you gestured towards Jessie's hand that was resting on the nightstand and then down towards her still-hardened member, "is what I want."

Jessie's cheeks turned a deeper shade of red and she cast her gaze away from yours, slightly embarrassed at her own uncertainty. Nonetheless, she opened her nightstand and rummaged around until she found an unopened pack of condoms. "It's been ages since I've used these, but I'm pretty sure they're not expired yet," Jessie said with a toothy grin on her face. "Well, we should make sure to get some new ones then next time we're grocery shopping," you said, a teasing smile adorning your lips as you spoke to your girlfriend. "Big plans huh?" she inquired, before bringing the condom packet to her mouth and ripping it open.

You watched on in awe as Jessie slipped the top of the condom over her tip and rolled the rest down her length. It was safe to say that Jessie's member was above average length. It was quite wide and thick. On another day, if your heart wasn't pounding in your chest, you would've probably made a comment about it. You had never had sex with a dick before, so it was safe to say that you were quite nervous about taking her, if you were going to be able to at all.

Jessie made her way back over to you and spread your legs again, settling her body in between yours as she sat back on her heels. She caressed your thighs gently and relented from doing anything, letting you set the pace for now. She could tell you were nervous. She offered you a warm, small smile before speaking up. "I'll be gentle with you, I promise. I wouldn't want to hurt you, ever," you nodded and gave your girlfriend an appreciative nod. She knew you'd never had penetrative sex with a dick before. She also knew you were nervous, so it meant a lot to you that she was reassuring you like this.

"I know. I trust you," you said, before you scooted a little closer to her, trying to wordlessly let her know that you were ready. Jessie got the hint and pushed her body towards you, hovering over you on her knees as she adjusted so her dick was lining up with your entrance. You watched on between your bodies in awe as Jessie grabbed her length and softly pushed it up and down between your folds, repeatedly bumping against your clit. You couldn't suppress the soft whimpers that escaped your lips. A couple moments later, Jessie looked up to you and searched your eyes for any signs of uncertainty. She wanted to make sure that you were fully comfortable before she pushed further. You grabbed her hand that was situated on your hip, keeping herself up, and gave it a tight squeeze.

Jessie took it as encouragement and lined herself up with your entrance, ever so slowly inching forward. She kept her eyes trained on your face as she entered you, making sure she didn't miss any signs of discomfort as she stretched you out. You closed your eyes and bit your lip as you focused on the feeling of Jessie's hardened member entering you. Despite a first orgasm, you hadn't loosened much and you could feel the way she was stretching you out. A frown was etched on your face as you tried to compose your breathing. You tried your best to relax and to loosen up for her, but Jessie couldn't push further.

"Just let it happen, baby, don't think about it too much. I can feel you tightening around me," Jessie spoke up softly. You nodded wordlessly, taking a deep breath in and trying to relax further. Jessie was still on her knees between your legs, patiently stretching you out. She, too, was having a hard time at remaining composed. Not so much because of discomfort, but mainly because she lost herself in the feeling of being wrapped up in your heat. She wasn't in deep, by any means, but your warmth was enveloping her tip and she loved the feeling.

A couple minutes, a lot of trial and error and deep breaths later, Jessie's hips were finally flush against yours. It hadn't been easy, but the feeling of being filled by your girlfriend was nothing like you'd ever experienced. Jessie was hovering over you now, wanting to be close to you instead of on her knees between your legs. "Does this feel fine?" Jessie whispered in your ear, not wanting to disturb you too much while you were adjusting to her length inside of you. You nodded wordlessly, letting your nails rake over Jessie's back. "Yeah," you breathed out. "Yeah, this is okay."

A couple more moments passed before you spoke up again. "I think I'm ready for you to move," you said tentatively. Jessie lifted her head and looked at you, searching your eyes for any discomfort. "Okay," she breathed, pressing a tender kiss against your forehead. Jessie slowly pulled her hips back, pulling out of you just until she reached the tip. She moaned softly at the sensation, pushing back inside of you and filling you to the hilt. "Fuck," you whimpered, "do that again, please."

Jessie eyed you curiously and pulled back once more, making sure her tip stayed inside of you. "Like this?" she asked, earning a wordless nod from you. She grinned slightly, pushing back inside of you and letting your warm tunnel envelop her length. "You feel so tight around me, darling, you're so hot."

By now, you had comfortably adjusted to Jessie's length. Even though you could still feel her stretching you out with every thrust, most of the uncomfortable feeling was now replaced with pleasure. Jessie found a steady rhythm that felt good to both of you, pushing in and out of you while making sure you were comfortable.

The room was now filled with the sounds of your shared moans and the squelching of your core every time Jessie pushed inside of you. You were undeniably wetter than you'd ever been. Not only the feeling of being fucked by your girlfriend and being so close to each other, the thought of her filling you up again and again was doing things to you too.

Jessie's breathing became slightly ragged the longer you continued. You could feel her thrusts were becoming a little less regular and you wondered if those were the telltale signs of her growing closer to her orgasm. You wished you could say the same, though. Although it felt good, you didn't know whether this was doing it for you. You realized that you should tell Jessie, because she wouldn't forgive herself if she came and you didn't.

You pressed your hand against Jessie's chest which caused her to halt her movements, looking up at you worriedly. "I don't think it's going to work like this, Jess. This feels good, but I don't know if it's going to get me there," you said, an inevitable blush creeping up your cheeks. "I'm sorry."

Jessie shook her head and spoke adamantly. "Don't be sorry, please. We have all night, okay? No need to rush," she said, while leaning down and pressing a loving kiss against your lips before she sat back on her heels and slowly pulled herself out of you, watching on amazedly as your core tried to suck her back in. "Like what you see?" you teased, a smile tugging at your lips. "Yeah. I do, this is hot."

Jessie pulled out of you completely and took your hands in hers. "Is there anything you would like to try? Something you think might feel better?" Jessie inquired. You shrugged, dropping the eye contact and looking away from your girlfriend. You had an idea, but you were slightly embarrassed to voice it. She frowned, grabbing your chin between her thumb and index finger and tilting your head towards hers again. "It's just me, baby, please tell me what you've got on your mind."

Your already-red face turned a shade darker, another blush creeping on your cheeks as you locked eyes with her. "Do you maybe want to, uhm, try a different position?" you asked softly, uncertainty laced in your voice. Jessie chuckled lightly and smiled brightly at you. "Of course I want to try a different position, love," Jessie reassured you, giving your hands an appreciative squeeze as you looked up at her.

You didn't really know how to progress further. You could tell that Jessie expected further explanation from you, probably an insight to what position you wanted to try. You were still feeling quite apprehensive about the whole situation, but you mustered up the courage to go further. "Maybe... uhm, do you maybe want to try from the back?"

Jessie's face lit up at what you said, a smug smile tugging at the corners of her lips. "Yeah," she chuckled, "I'm more than down to try from the back," Jessie sat back a bit to give you more room to work with, you shuffling from underneath her. You rolled your body over and pushed yourself up, holding your body up on your hands and knees. Jessie moved too, positioning her body behind yours and making sure the both of you were comfortably in the middle of the mattress.

"God, I wish you could see how good you looked from this angle," Jessie whispered. Her eyes were trained on your entrance, that was clenching around nothing. Your folds were sopping wet, your arousal smeared out all over them adding to the sensations. You turned your head and looked at your girlfriend over your shoulder, chuckling as you noticed her staring at you in awe. "You're a dork, you know that?"

Jessie let out a breathy laugh and shuffled closer to you, her dick lining up with your entrance again. "I know I am, that's why you love me" she said, not wasting another second and pushing herself inside of you again. "Oh," you said, your breath hitching in your throat at the feeling of being filled again. "Oh, yeah, that's good."

"Fuck, that's so much better, Jess. Keep going, please," you whimpered, Jessie's dick hitting your sweet spot repeatedly from the renewed angle. The Canadian propped one of her legs up next to your body for extra leverage and held your waist and started pushing in and out of you at a relentless pace. Now that she knew for sure that this felt good for you, there was no longer that mental barrier.

Your moans and whimpers only spurred her on, pleasure taking over her thoughts as her dick was enveloped in your warmth. "God, you feel so good inside of me, Jess, fuck," you got out. "Nothing will ever come close to the feeling of you around my dick, baby."

You started moving your hips back against Jessie's in time with her thrusts as a long moan escaped the Canadian's throat. "Fuck, you're incredible," she said, as you were adding to her pleasure. "You look so good like this baby, taking me so well. You're doing so good.

Her praise did inexplicable things to you. To know that you were making her feel good was working wonders on your ego. You'd been worried that you weren't going to be good enough for her, especially in the beginning as you'd have to find your footing in sex with Jessie, but tonight had blown all your doubts away.

Just as before, you could tell that Jessie was growing close to a release. This time, though, you could feel the same for you. The familiar tightening sensation started boiling up again, your breaths becoming uneven and your thrusts back against Jessie losing their strength.

"Are you close, baby? You wanna cum for me?" Jessie asked, seemingly reading your mind. You groaned deeply and mustered up a response. "God, yes, please Jessie, let me cum," you begged her. "Begging already, huh? I wasn't even denying you of anything," Jessie said with a touch of degradation in her voice which turned you on further, if that was even possible.

You threw your head down against the mattress and groaned again, not having the strength to muster up a smart response. "Go ahead, baby, cum for me, cum all over my cock," the Canadian said, finishing you off with a few harsh thrusts before you bursted all over her length, spitting out moan after moan. It wasn't long before Jessie came too, rutting harshly into you as she spurted ropes of cum into her condom. She groaned as she pulled your body flush against hers, now both of you on your knees as she fucked you through both of your orgasms.

Jessie brought of you down against the mattress when you had both come down. She laid wordlessly on top of you as she tried to compose herself and regain her breath, her dick softening and falling out of your still-drenched core. She rolled over onto her back and opened her arms for you to fall into, your head resting on her chest. You listened to her heart that was rapidly pumping.

You were the first to speak up after a couple moments. "God, that was amazing. You were amazing. I love you so much," you accentuated her words with a couple tender kisses against Jessie's lips. She smiled into the kiss. "If anything, all credit goes to you. You told me you'd never had sex with a dick before, but honestly I couldn't tell. You're everything and more," Jessie said, pulling you closer to her.

After cleaning each other up, you spent the rest of the evening in comfy clothing in each other's arms, sprawled out over the bed watching some tv. "We're gonna have to find a good excuse for Leah, by the way. I checked my phone earlier and noticed a couple missed calls."

_jessflem just posted on her story

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y/n just posted on her story

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y/n smiled softly as she pulled on her second boot, watching as Jessie hummed to herself while she pulled on her jacket, the young Canadian excited to go for her evening walk with her girlfriend.

The two couldn't be more different from each other, Jessie was short, sweet, and a happy looking girl with a gorgeous smile - which was what drew y/n in.

y/n was tall, curved, dark and almost scary looking from how her dark eyes were always cold and narrowed - people crossed the street to avoid passing her.

If seen together the two would look almost comical. Jessie in her blue shorts and grey hoodie, holding her coffee mug with a wide grin. y/n in her black jeans, fishnets and leather jacket.

y/n's hair was slicked back in her usual shag, and her lips were painted their usual dark colour as she held out her hand to Jessie who happily took it.

Jessie let y/n lock their apartment then skipped happily down toward the doors, y/n's hands swinging in hers as the tall woman easily kept up with her excitable girlfriend's skips.

Jessie and y/n passed one of their usual neighbours and the man chuckled at them as Jessie happily said 'hello' and y/n just nodded, watching as her girlfriend sighed in relief as they stepped into the city air.

"We'll walk to the park and back?" y/n offered to Jessie who nodded, happily taking her hand tighter as she wraps around y/n's arm. Sighing in relief as the taller woman wrapped her arm around Jessie's shoulder and brought her into her side.

"I've been thinking." Jessie begins softly.

"Oh no, that is never good." y/n chuckles and Jessie rolls her eyes, giggling as she nudges y/n with her hip.

"Shut up." Jessie hums. "I'm thinking about telling people, like about us." She continues and y/n smiles.

"Okay." y/n nods and Jessie looks up grinning.

"Really?" She asks and y/n nods. "Great." Jessie smiles.

y/n and Jessie had been together over a year. The main reason no one had figured it out was because y/n was a managing director and designer for a newer fashion company.

The company had taken off and y/n was now in charge of a team of 200 people instead of 20 when she first started the company with her friend over three years ago.

The few TikTok's her employees had managed to get her in people loved her, for her style and her youth, her humour and her sarcasm, but usually, y/n was just too busy to deal with the younger people's fun.

Some footballers had worn some of their clothes, though their main collab was with the Manchester City girls, which Jessie didn't forgive for a week.

However, occasionally someone would clock Jessie wearing some jeans from their 'Hopeless Blues' collection, or a top from their 'Fruity colours and quotes' one.

Though no one had expected it and therefore paired it up, with the main office being in Manchester, y/n could assume why people thought she worked there.

y/n had stopped to grab her and Jessie juice, paying the stall man with a smile she could see Jessie on her phone, but y/n assumed she was taking a selfie.

She walked over, mind running through the four meetings she had tomorrow, always finding their walks helpful to plan out her work day ahead for the next day.

"Thank you baby!" Jessie smiles, posting the video without much of a thought.

"Of course." y/n smiles, pecking Jessie's lips before the two continue their walk.

As they walked neither checked their vibrating phones, so neither saw the reaction to Jessie's video about her guard dog boyfriend - in trend with the Babushka song - going viral.

As the two continued walking a group of teenage boys walked past, rolling their eyes as the group snickered at the slurs they threw at the two.

"Fags honestly."

"Lesbos."

"Can I watch?"

"What did you just say?" y/n asks, turning to face the group, the three teenagers suddenly becoming very still and shocked.

"Well, we..." One of them tries.

"Think it's funny, hurling words you don't understand the meaning of because you see two girls holding hands?" y/n asks.

"Well..." one of them tries again.

"Think it's funny that you kids won't ever get respect from others outside of the level of people with two braincells because you think being homophobic is funny?" y/n asks them.

Their eyes had widened comically now, y/n was nothing short of scary when she needed to be, and despite having a 5ft 3 girl still connected to her hand, her point had clearly got through.

"Do better." y/n tells them angrily, before rolling her eyes and turning back to Jessie. "You okay baby?" y/n asks and Jessie can't help but smile as she leans up and kisses her girlfriend.

"As long as I have you baby." Jessie smiles before they continue their walk, leaving three sheepish boys behind them.

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"Babe!" y/n called out, a small snort falling from her lips as she hears Jessie's feet run across the apartment, y/n's eyes glued to her phone screen as she stops typing on her laptop.

"Yes?" Jessie asks as she sticks her head around the corner with a wide grin. "Wait, are you working?" Jessie asks. "Babe!" She huffs.

"I know, I know, I'm coming to watch the movie baby, I promise." y/n says trying to calm the Canadian down.

"It's half eight! Just put the laptop away." Jessie whines. "You said you were going to shower." She adds.

"And I did, hair all washed, see?" y/n tries. "I just thought I could get a quick email in about tomorrow's presentation." y/n tries but Jessie huffs and folds her arms.

"You always do this when we have our nights together." Jessie says, a pout on her lips as she fiddles with her hoodie. "I just wanna spend time with you." She adds and y/n sighs.

Jessie pouts and y/n groans, throwing her phone on the side and shutting her laptop. Jessie's eyes sparkle with victory as y/n walks over, arms wrapping around Jessie to hoist her onto her hips.

"Weeeee." Jessie says quietly, smiling as y/n sits on the bed, bringing Jessie onto her lap so she can connect their lips.

"I'm sorry I'm a work-aholic. But this company is my baby." y/n sighs.

"And you have done, still do and will do an amazing job, as long as you are able to take a break and give love to your adorable girlfriend." Jessie states.

"I can definitely do that last part." y/n smiles, leaning forward and pressing multiple pecks along Jessie's face, the footballer laughing as y/n's fingers dig into her sides.

Jessie jerks to the side, squealing in shock at being tickled, she tries to scramble away but y/n chuckles and uses her long legs to roll them, so she could stay on Jessie and keep tickling.

Jessie's squeals had now turned into breathless laughs, occasional begs to stop as y/n watched with an evil grin as tears of joy raced down Jessie's cheeks.

"Okay, okay, I'm done." y/n promises, holding her hands up as Jessie lets out a huff of relief, glaring at her lover who chuckles.

y/n grins and leans forward, pressing several kisses to Jessie's lips, each one longer than the last, Jessie humming happily into the physical attention she was receiving.

"Also, guard dog, really?" y/n asks Jessie who giggles. y/n rolls her eyes but stands up, Jessie scrambling after and attaching herself to y/n's front, legs curled around her hips.

"Yes, really, you're my guard dog." Jessie states and y/n huffs but says nothing as she sits down on the sofa, bringing Jessie to the side of her.

Just as the two go to begin their movie, there is a series of rapid knocks on the door and y/n groans, pressing her lips to Jessie's cheek before moving to the door and ripping it open.

A determined Sam Kerr shrieks at how quick the door opens and her jaw drops as she looks up at the tall woman in front of her trying to figure out her height.

"Fuck you're tall." Sam says in shock.

"What do you want?" y/n asks her, confused as to why she had turned up.

"Um, my friend admits she has a girlfriend I haven't met on TikTok and you thought you could have a quiet night in?" Sam asks and y/n sighs, running a hand over her face.

"She's in the living room." y/n explains and Sam storms in, y/n shutting the door rather firmly.

"JESSIE FLEMING." Sam's shout rings and y/n chuckles at that. She may have never met Sam before, but she could already tell they would get on.

"Babe! Help!" Jessie calls and y/n sighs, walking back to her girlfriend where Sam sat on her, hands trying to tickle at the giggling girl's sides.

y/n's shoulders roll back and she reaches over and pull Sam from her girlfriend, throwing the footballer onto the other sofa and falling next to Jessie.

The Canadian grins widely and scuttles into y/n's lap Sam watching with wide shocked eyes.

"You're a strong'un." Sam states.

"She's mine to touch Kerr. You lay off." y/n warns and Sam snorts in shock as Jessie presses a kiss to y/n's cheek.

"Sam, meet my girlfriend/guard dog y/n. y/n meet one of my closest friend's Sam." Jessie explains and y/n chuckles.

"Pleasure to meet you Kerr." y/n smiles, leaning over to shake Sam's hand, her other arm wrapping around Jessie to keep her stable on her lap.

"I so need you to fight Millie!" Sam grins and y/n laughs.

"Look forward to it." She nods.

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y/n she's alright ig <3 (touch her you die)

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_jessflem just posted

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_jessflem She's my guard dog - get your own!

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I’m BAACKKKKKK