#canwnt

What’s a tired person’s favourite exercise? Yawning! picture

Why did the lamp go to bed early? It was burnt out! 

Later that night you try to call Jessie multiple times, but she declines every single time, actively. After the fourth or fifth time she writes you go to sleep you seemed tired.

Irritated you glance at the message. “What? What do you mean? Did I play bad?”

Jessie bid her lip, holding back to cave in. “No, the picture.”

“??”

She didn’t answer you again

The next day was an off day for you, and you had planed a date with Jessie beforehand.

For the first time in months where neither of you had places to be or times to einhalten.

You waited in front of the small café, hidden in a quiet side street in the little village where your hotel is a few kilometres outside off a little on the mountain.

Five minutes fly past.

Fifteen.

Thirty.

It doesn’t seem like Jessie, she would never be late. It’s just not her.

You called, sent her texts. Nothing.

Despairingly you called Niamh, who was 100% at the hotel taking a nap.

Her voice deep, hoarse. “What?”

“I’m waiting for her, since 12 and no sight of Jess. Do you think something happened to her? She doesn’t answer my calls or messages.” You rattle, no breaths taken.

“No, that’s not like her.” She coughs. “I’ll try ma luck. Call you back.”

Thank you, Neve.”

A lifetime your phone vibrates and a picture of Niamh and you beams back.

“I couldn’t reach her.” Niamh voice small through the speaker.

You took a deep breath, the first one since your best friend picked up. “No, no… I can’t believe it, she’s miles away from home and something happened to her. I don’t even know where she is.”

Silence falls on the line.

Then, Niamh clears her throat, taking a shaking breath.

“Wait a damn minute…”

Niamh voice stops your train of thought. “What for?”

“You’re lying!”

Her eye rolling could be heard through the device. “No, I’m not.”

“Absolutely!”

“Y/N, no joke.”

“She doesn’t want to hear from me, she’s ignoring me. Tell me, now,” voice deep, all the concern you felt moments before washed away as you demand the truth.

“She said, she doesn’t feel well.”

“Still a lie.”

After seconds she denies, “no…”

“Well then maybe not the truth.”

“I cant tell you the true reason cause that’s something the two of you should resolve.”

Furious of the facts Jessie is mad and ignoring you and that Niamh, your best friends for over 10 years doesn’t tell you and comes to the Canadian’s defence that really grates on your nerves. “Fuck off.” You end the call, bristling with anger.

What could possible the reason your girlfriend doesn’t want to spent time with you and for your friend to not tell you the reason she doesn’t want to.

You trotted the way back to the tram which will take you back to the hotel. When you arrived lucy, Ella and Esme sat on the front porch, enjoying the sun, looking into the mountains laughing about small things. Walking straight past, you feel their glances on your back. Everyone knew you went to meet Jessie after a lifetime of calls and texts.

Barricading yourself in your room, blanket thrown over your body, shutting the reality out. Knocks echo shortly after through the air.

Then voices call after you.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” lucy questions.

“Weren’t you supposed to spent time with jess?” Esme’s voice was muffled through the wood.

But you stayed silent. At some point they would leave you alone, hopefully. Minutes drag by and the scrapping of feet over the floor travel in the air.

Then followed silence.

Drowning silence.

Until you hear familiar footsteps. “Serious?!” her voice cuts through the air. “Y/N,” she knocks with force onto the wood. “open up!”

“NO!”

“I’ll break down the door.”

A groan escapes you as you stand up and open the door. Niamh stood there with a half-eaten biscuit. “Peace offer?” she slowly extends her arm so the biscuit almost crashes into your chest.

“I’m not even worth a whole?”

“Shut up and take it before I put salvia all over it too.”

“How do I know you didn’t already do?”

A mischievous smile spreads onto her lips.

You take the pastry from her and put it your mouth. “But I still hate you,” you say with your mouth full, trying not to drop any crumbs.

“Why me? Shouldn’t you be angry with Jessie?”

“No, I’m just hurt.”

She stays silent.

“She stood me up. Doesn’t answer my calls, ignores my messages. What did she say to you?”

Her eyes wander the room, avoiding you with her life.

“Neve, what did she tell you on the phone?!” heat travels through your veins.

“Well as I said, it’s something the two of you should discuss.”

“What could be this serious you shut your noisy mouth?”

“I totally understand her. Maybe it’s just the distance and if you tell her your plan everything gets better, but I kinda see her point.”

A look of puzzlement settles on her face. “I … I would love to clear things up, but doesn’t you get the part where she ignores me?!”

“I do.”

“Can you tell me what this is about, so I can start to change it and she’ll notice?”

“Maybe… maybe you should overthink your closeness to some on the team.”

“What?!”

“Yeah, like maybe some things, let them be reserved for Jessie.”

“Are you fucking serious? She promised me she’s fine with my nature of how cuddly I am with you.”

“Maybe not me in general. I like it, don’t get me wrong. Gives me strength, makes me happy, I feel wanted, you’re like a sister. I’ll miss it, truly.”

“With everybody its just like this. You’re my second family. I feel grounded with this closeness yet ill trade it for any minute I could get with Jessie.” Tears sting in your eyes and Niamh rushes over to you. Arms slinging around your shoulders.

“Oh, I know and I hope she does too.”

“Yeah.”

The next days you keep more to yourself and Niamh. When you pass certain players, you get questioning looks. The atmosphere around you got quieter, normally you were lively, fiercely. But you went inwardly. the semifinal game flew by, but you couldn’t feel the enthusiasm your fellow teammates hold. Jessie’s still distant your way and you try to ignore it. But your heart was heavy, not seeing her despite the few chances you could have.

You sat in the coach minutes before the hour-long travel to the stadium began. You sat at the window, the left seat still empty, still no sign of Niamh. Her perfume proceeds her and before she took the seat next to you, you knew who sat there.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“That’s a lie.”

“No?”

“Sure.”

Silence falls between you two.

“You’re ignoring me.”

“No. Just,” you stop, thinking. “Thinking.”

“About?”

“Nothing specific. Just things,” you fiddle with the scrunchy on your wrist.

“Tell me.”

“Lucy,” you warn her, voice tight. “Leave it be.”

“And if not.”

You rise from your seat and walk past her, down the aisle and took the seat next to Leah. Knowing she’s always quiet before games, thinking, getting into the tunnel.

Her sight falls on you and she asks without words.

“Please don’t,” you mutter as you lean your heads on her shoulder. Her body under you moves as she shrugs.

“You seem off,” the captain comments. “Are you good?”

You shake your head.

“Are you getting sick? You shouldn’t play if you don’t feel well.”

“I’m good,” you whisper.

“But…”

“Leah, I swear, please shut up.”

“Okay, okay,” she assures you.

Then you close your eyes, “thank you.”

Standing in the dug out your thoughts are running, still circling the same topic. You found her during warm up, sitting next to your parents, deep in conversation about everything under the sun. you know how your parents are, always enjoying spending time with Jessie, they love her, always interested how her games went, practice or asking about her parents. A little smile grow on your lips as you reminisce. Jessie didn’t notice you at first, but your eyes burn holes into her skin. Nimah pocked your side and brought you back to reality.

When the net rustles after Mariona sent the ball pass Hannah your heart sunk down your body. You went to her from your position in the midfield and tries to cheer her up despite your own turmoil. With the deficit you went into the changing room at half time. Before you disappeared into the tunnel your gaze met Jessie in the stands and she presents you a small smile, hope bubbles in your stomach and you stood an inch higher.

The ball was glued to your foot as you make your way down the midfield, slaloming past the Spanish player. Passing the ball to Ella on the wing you run further into the Spanish half. When the ball was back at your feet you don’t hesitate and shoot at the goal. As the ball rolls from the top corner diagonally down along the net you throw your arms up in the air. Lucy was one of the first arriving at your side, she pulls her arms around your hips and lifts you up towards the sky. You felt inexorable. As if a mind on their own your eyes wander through the faces until they land on Jessie again. Her lips pressed together as she nods once.

Odd.

The game went on and reached extra time. After millions of tedious runs back into your own penalty box and forwards again you see lucy hobble back into her position. You supported her with the fast Pina. But at some point, the older player couldn’t move on. She sat down on the grass, and you kneel beside her.

“You good?”

She just shakes her head, reaching for the hem of her shirt and pulling the fabric over her face. You wave for the medics.

“What happened?”

“My shin. I cant it hurts so much.”

“It’s all right. Better to substitute.”

“No!”

“Lucy…”

The referee gestured to her to leave the pitch, and the medics help her onto her feet, and you aided her side so she could relieve the pressure from her bad leg.

“Y/N, go. They need you more than me.”

 “Shut up. You’re incredible, old lady.”

She flips gentle against your cheek. She entangles her arm from your shoulder, and you slowly retreat yourself backwards back to the game, one corner of your mouth pulled up. Lucy couldn’t move on and Niamh was switched into her place.

After the whistle disturbs the celebrating atmosphere, the hard truth hit you. Penalties.

Beth first try was invalid cause she slipped and touched the ball two times. The second try was deflected by Cata Coll. Ass she came back to the team you pulled her into your side and pat her on the back, encouraging her.

Patri converted her shoot on the goal.

So did Greenwood.

Hannah saved the penalty from Mariona.

Before Niamh went to the spot you whisper motivation to her on your left side. “Go girl. You’re marvellous. I believe in you. You can do this.” With a powerful shot, she send the ball into the left corner. The net rattles and you scream at the top of your lungs, clapping. “Yes Niamh! That’s my best friend!” she takes her places at your side again and you rock her with your arm around her shoulder.

Aitana’s shot was also saved by Hannah, pride taking its room in your chest as you watch the young goalkeeper bloom.

Next up was Leah, you shut your mouth tight. She hated when some of the team shouts towards her when she walks to the spot. But still, she couldn’t convert the penalty btu you still lead the sheet. You’re determined to go over to her once the penalty shoot-out is over.

Spain’s shooter couldn’t convert their penalty as well.

Now it was your turn to step up. You take four steps backwards, taking a deep breath in and a longer exhale. Your steps begin slow and then you accelerate, banging the ball under the crossbar into the left corner and the rest was history.

Everybody comes running towards your as you take off to the English stand. Arms outstretched to the side. Niamh was the first to reach you, she runs so she’s ahead of you and pulls you into an embrace, stopping you both in tracks. “What the hell, this penalty where do you took the strength?”

You shrug your shoulders and she moves to your back and jumps onto it. You carry her the rest of the way piggy bag.

__

You thought she would have left the stadium by the time the team moved the celebration from the pitch to the changing room. But as you walk around the corner you see her standing there leaning with her shoulder on the wall talking to Niamh, her back facing you. Naimh gaze meets yours and she shyly smiles at you. Placing a hand on jessies shoulder, saying one last thing to the Canadian before heading to the changing room.

Jessie slowly turns in her spot and lifts her head, her face coming into view as her cap raises with the movement.

“Hey,” your voice almost betrays you.

“Hey,” she whispers back. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you.”

There you were face to face after days of almost radio silence.

Silence fills the air but the unusual awkward, nervous silence.

“You were astonishing.”

“Thank you.” Your sight falls on the floor, and you scratch the floor with your pick.

You wanted to feel her arms around you. Her reassuring, rhythmical heartbeat. Her fingers scratching your head, rubbing circles on your back.

She cleared her throat and your eyes fall back on her.

“Can we talk…” you take a shaky breath, “please?”

She nodded and turned around analysing her surroundings. “Let’s take the first aid ward.”

Silence fills the space between you again. The distance feels further than when she’s back in America.

“You’re always smiling at her.”

“Yeah? That’s what you do in a conversation? You smile.”

“Not like this,” she sights. “Forget it, it’s stupid.”

“You’re annoyed. Why?”

“No.”

“You are.”

“I’m not!”

“Wait are you jealous?”

“No… no. why would I be jealous?!”

“I don’t know that’s why I am asking. Why are you acting the way you did …?”

“Because we used to do all these things together!” her voice grew louder, anger audible. She took a breath, shuddering. “Sorry, interrupted you. Carry on, please.”

“I tried to reach out to you, I called, I sent texts, but you ignored me.”

“What was that the last days? Since she’s at Chelsea, you’re all over her like I don’t exist or something.”

“What? Who?”

“You know who.”

“Lucy?”

Jessie nods.

“But why does it bother you so much, it’s exactly how I am with Sammy and Niamh.”

“Now you’re not.”

“Of course.”

“No, because you don’t look at Niamh like she hung the stars for you or at Sammy like she holds the secret to a perfect life. You’re glued to her, on the pitch, off it, you’re never letting her out of your sight. Sam and Niamh always share stories about your game nights or anything besides practice and matchdays. And it’s always Y/N and Lucy here… there and everywhere. And I tried to live with it, to overlook it, ignore it but if you don’t love me anymore, please just tell me because I can’t let you rip my heart out.”

“I tried to give her the feeling she’s at home, not left out. After years living in Spain, I thought shed a hard time settling back into London weather and the culture. Give her the same feeling she gave me a decade ago as my first call up happened.”

“Well, she’s a grown woman. I think she could handle the move alone.”

“Yeah, maybe but her girlfriend is back in Spain, at first, she her apartment made troubles, her neighbours were noisy cause she’s a star. I offered my place for more discretion. Nala her dog, was still back in Spain until she settled in. only a few blocks away from each other, we drove to practice together and all those small things, friends do.”

“Things we did. Before our relationship.”

“Do you hear yourself speaking? We know each other 2018 when I was this little, naïve youth player who was given the chance in the national team. She’s eight years older, experienced. She took me under her wings. Lucy is like a big sister to me, helped me through a lot. Helped me with you!”

she give you a questioning look.

“My feelings. I didn’t understand them cause you were my best friend and I never felt like this and I was so confused and lost. She helped me figure it out and how I could ask and all this.”

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry I made you question my intention or actions with her. That you don’t trust me to tell me. I’m sorry you feel insecure in our relationship. I love you, with all my heart, to the day I die. I’d leave everything and everyone if I could have time with you. I wanted to surprise you but… but the last days were torture for me and I…I had the worst fears and scenarios play in my head.”

“I’m sorry. It was childish and I treated you like trash, it was unfair. I think the last shot was dedicated to me,” she chuckles. A sound you thought you never would miss.

“kinda,” you join her.

She offers you her hand and you gladly take it. Her warmth travelling from your fingers further into your body. Relaxing your muscles and nerves.

“What was my surprise? If I’m still honourable to know.”

You squeeze her hand. “Can it wait until I showered? Got it in my bag.”

“Did you looked into the future that this would happen?”

You roll your eyes, “duh.”

She shoves your forehead gently and you show her your tongue, scrunching your nose.

“I love you.” Jessie inches closer, giving you time to retrieve from the gesture but you pulled her closer, so you could taste her further.

“I’m forever sorry I made you feel like I”

“Shut your mouth and kiss me again. I fucking missed you.”

-----

There were only four minutes of stoppage time left to play in the NCAA Women's College Cup. UCLA Bruins versus Stanford Cardinals, with a dead even score since the first half. Both teams had been fighting hard to get the winning goal. 

Your legs were killing you, but you kept pushing because you did not want to go into extra time. The full 90 minutes had been so high speed that you didn’t think you’d be able to keep running another 30 minutes. 

Time was ticking down as both teams fought for the ball in the midfield. Then in a split second Jessie was able to turn away with the ball, and looked up to find you, sending a long ball your way over Stanford’s back line.

With a new found source of energy you sprinted to reach the ball before the defender did. Somehow you managed to be quicker than her, kicking the ball ahead of you and continuing your run. Two other defenders came rushing in, but you noticed in time. Cutting back and looking up for just a second. 

You strike the ball with power, watching as it soars toward the top corner. Time slows. The Stanford goalkeeper stretches desperately, fingertips grazing the air, but it’s not enough. The ball hits the back of the net, and your hands fly in the air.

In celebration you turn around to point to Jessie who was already running your way. She jumps into your arms, followed by the rest of your teammates joining in on the celebratory huddle.

Play starts again, but shortly after Stanford kicks off, the final whistle is blown. Signaling that you had won the cup. Within a second all of your teammates were around you again, you had scored the winning goal and they were going to celebrate that big time.

In all the chaos Jessie finds you again, and hugs you tight. Her sweaty jersey sticking to yours, but you don’t even notice. “We did it!” You say full of excitement. Jessie smiles, “You did it.” 

You shake your head, “Couldn’t have scored that without your assist, Fleming.” Her arms were still around you and your heart was pounding out of your chest. Sure some of that was from running around on the pitch, but her arm around you was adding an extra layer to it.

Before you can think too much of that though, Kelsey jumps onto your back, nearly tipping you over. “Champions, baby!” She shouts over everyone. 

The celebration with your teammates continues. You were taking it all in, the biggest tournament at college level, and you had won it with your team.

Once you got on the bus to head back home, you were barely able to keep your eyes open. You were exhausted, so it was to no surprise that your eyes fell shut moments after the bus started moving. Not even realising that your head fell onto Jessie’s shoulder. 

Jessie shifted a little, getting comfortable and letting you sleep. Kelsey who was sitting across from you smirks and snaps a quick picture. When Jessie glances at her, confused, Kelsey just wiggles her eyebrows. Jessie shakes her head with a laugh, but she doesn’t move away.

—

When you got back Jessie gently woke you up. “Hey, we made it back?” You lift your head up and look around you confused. Had you slept the whole drive? You looked out the window and indeed saw you had arrived back on campus. “Sorry for falling asleep on you, you should’ve woken me up.” Your cheeks redden slightly. Jessie shakes her head with a smile, “You’re good." 

“Come on, sleepy head, let’s get back to our dorm.” Kelsey says as she gets up. “Right, see you later Fleming.” You hurriedly get up, hoping to not embarrass yourself more. But Jessie stops you, “Wait up.” 

You turn around slowly, hoping she won’t say anything to make you even more flustered than you already were. “Will I see you at the Phi Psi party tomorrow?” You smiled at her, “Yeah, I’ll see you there.”

Then you turned around again and followed Kelsey out of the bus. “I thought you weren’t going to the party?” She asked you, full of amusement since you had declined her invite just a couple of days ago. “Can a girl change her mind?” 

Kelsey laughed as you walked towards your dorms. “Yeah, a girl can change her mind, but you don’t just change your mind. Something made you.” You rolled your eyes at her, really not interested in having this conversation, but knowing Kelsey, she wouldn’t drop it that easily.

“Actually, scratch that,” As you figured, she continued on. “Someone made you.” You shrugged and opened your dorm room. “Maybe I just decided it sounded fun.” 

Kelsey plopped down onto her bed, eying you with a knowing smirk. “Two days ago you said, and I quote, ‘Frat parties are always sweaty, crowded, and full of drunk dudes who don’t understand personal space.’ But now you’re suddenly into it?”

You turned away from her, aimlessly digging around in your backpack, “I just changed my mind.” Kelsey sat up, fully looking through your lies. “Jessie asked if you were going.”

“So?” You answered a little too quickly. “God, you really think I didn’t figure it out? You talk about her non-stop.” Had you really been that obvious? It didn’t matter right now, you wanted to end this conversation, so you grabbed your stuff to head to the bathroom and walked out of the room.

When you got back Kelsey still had an amused smile on her face. “You’re so gone for her.” You didn’t even look at her, knowing exactly what her face looked like right now. “Goodnight, Kels.”

The next morning you were emptying your closet, trying to find a good outfit for tonight. None of the clothes you owned seemed to be good enough, and you let out a frustrated sigh as you threw the last item you owned onto the ground.

Kelsey walked back into the room at the same moment the last item fell to the ground. “Oh my god, what happened in here?” She looked around at, most of the room covered in your clothes. “I have nothing to wear for tonight.” You say with another sigh.

“It’s okay, we are going shopping. You have to dress to impress.” You protest, “I don’t need to go shopping.” Kelsey looked around the room again. “Yes, you do. You need a dress that’ll make Jessie lose her damn mind,” Kelsey insists, dragging you out the door. “And for the record, I will not be spending the night in our dorm. Just saying.” You groan, but you let her pull you along.

—

The Phi Psi party is in full swing when you and Kelsey arrive. Music is blaring, alcohol is passed all around, and the house is filled with partying people. Your new dress hugs you in all the right places, and you can’t help but feel your confidence grow as you feel everyone’s eyes linger on your body. 

One pair of eyes jumps out from the rest though. Jessie’s eyes are on you from across the room, she’s staring at you while some other girl is talking to her. “I told you this was the one.” Kelsey tells you and drags you to the bar to get some drinks. 

When you got back, and looked to where Jessie had been standing, she was nowhere to be found. You looked over to Kelsey nervously. “Relax girl, she’ll come to you. You saw the way she looked at you. Let’s go have some fun.”

Kelsey was right, after a few drinks, Jessie made your way over to you and Kelsey. “Hey.” She said looking at just you, and Kelsey has to keep in a chuckle not to ruin the moment. “Hi.” The two of you stay silent after, so Kelsey steps in. “The beer pong is open, come on.”

She drags the both of you to the table and searches the crowd for a fourth player. “Micah, come join us!” She yelled to your goalkeeper. “Alright, you and me versus Jess and Teagan.” Kelsey announced. “Trust me.” She whispered into your ear.

At first you didn’t understand when she said trust me, but then you realised Jessie’s eyes kept moving up and down your body. Clearly she was distracted, missing most of her shots. Luckily for her Teagan was actually doing pretty well, so all of you had to take quite a few of the shots, before Kelsey won you the game. “Let’s go! Drink up Fleming.” 

Jessie drinks up the contents of the last cup and congratulates the both of you on a good game. With Jessie there, Kelsey sees it as her moment to head off, leaving the two of you to it. 

“Can I grab you another drink?” Jessie asks and you nod, “Yes please.” The alcohol in your system was definitely helping you gain confidence, and you knew you were going to need more of that right now.

Jessie made her way over to the bar and right away a frat boy approached you. “I’ve been waiting all evening to get you alone. You look absolutely incredible.” He looks you up and down, stepping closer than you would like, but you can’t step back because the beer pong table was there. 

He reaches out his hand to touch your waist, but before you can react, Jessie steps between you and him. Two drinks in her hands and her jaw clenched. “She’s not interested.” She says firmly.

The guy looks between you and Jessie, scoffing as he lifts his hands. “Relax, I was just being friendly.”

“Go be friendly somewhere else.” Jessie says sharply. He glares at her for a moment before turning around and disappearing into the crowd.

Jessie turns around, concern etched onto her face. Your heart was racing. Jessie was close, there hadn’t been much room between you and the guy, so even less room now between you and her. 

“Are you okay?” She asks, her voice softer now. You nod with a smile, “Yeah I am, and that was kinda hot.” Jessie blinks, caught off guard by your boldness, her cheeks turning a dark shade of red. 

You hadn’t meant to say the last part out loud, but her reaction made you grateful that you had. The smirk coming onto her face as she slightly tilted her head, made your head spin. “Yeah?” She asks as she hands you your drink.

You take a quick sip before saying, “Yeah. Thank you.” Jessie follows your lead and takes a sip as well. “Of course, anytime.” 

“Come on, let’s dance.” Jessie says with her hand held out to you. You don’t hesitate and let her guide you towards the makeshift dance floor filled with people.

The heavy bass of the music vibrates through you as Jessie pulls you in, her hands resting on your waist. Your arms instinctively loop around her neck, pulling her even closer. The world around you fades away as you move together, your bodies pressed against each other as you move to the beat.

You wonder if Jessie can feel the way your heart is pounding out of your chest as you feel her hands move slightly lower. When you look at her, there is something dark and unreadable in her eyes, which makes your stomach flip.

She leans in to tell you something. “You look incredible tonight.” The feeling of her warm breath on your neck gives you a newfound confidence. “I only bought this dress so you could take it off."

Jessie stops moving to the music instantly, her lips slightly parted in surprise, but then you see her smirk grow. She pulls you closer again, and crashes her lips onto yours. You tangle your hands into her hair and deepen the kiss. 

The people around you all disappear. There is only Jessie, and the faint taste of beer on her lips. When she finally pulls back, her forehead rests against yours, “Wanna get out of here?” You nod without hesitation, taking her hand and leading her out of the crowded house. 

-----