Red, White, and Royal Blue Reaction:
Jezebel (@typicalopposite) and Wench (@scripted-downfall) react
J: Whooooop whooooop!
W: And now we begin the film that has had my react partner cheating on me for a week I mean what
J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️ No, no, is true. This has been my whole personality
W: Believe me, I'm aware
– – –
J: Not Alex “yucking her yum” over this wedding
W: Translation: "I'm smitten, Nora, dear, and utterly annoyed about it"
J: Bea!!
J: Alex buddy just say you have a crush
W: To be fair, his criticisms aren't like they were in the book. They're not ugh he's too perfect and gently chivalrous and I must poke anymore :(
J: Buddy #2 just say you have a crush
W: Bruh, what was that greeting, Alex?
J: Oh, boy. Oh, this will go well!
W: I'm preemptively cringing over this cake and what is about to happen
J: Right?
J: Men and their obsession with height
W: Henry looks so shell-shocked
J: Yes Alex that’s helping. Let’s just keep smearing it around 🤣🤣
W: Bruh, I hate Philip already
J: Right!?!
W: What would my family say if they knew I was watching this rn
J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️
W: That is also on the topic of bad reputations... as mine would be shot
J: Zahraaa
W: SARAH SHAHI, MY BELOVED
J: I have been trying to not think of it being connected to the book ☠️☠️ cause I know they’re gonna change stuff
W: lkasjdf not gallons of tea
J: I love Uma Thurman
W: White House pillow fights, hell yeah!
J: I LOVE ZAHRA
J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️ ZAHRA you’ll regret saying sending Alex over soon, ma’am
W: Alex is gonna change his mind about David the dog real fast
J: “He is super cute” Ahh I love him
W: SHAAN! alksjdf;lkasjfd I love him
J: Oh god ☠️☠️ Henry: let me show him how cool I am! Zoom zoom
W: Brings out the good ol' Aston Martin
J: That smirk when he says "your wearing lifts"
W: You know. When I envisioned that scene, I assumed they were. actually competent at faking affection
W: … Once again. Once again. I thought they were supposed to be good at this.
J: ☠️☠️☠️ Whaaaat? You can’t tell they are so totally frien-
W: This poor man dealing with Alex's b.s.
J: "White blonde and British"?? What?!
W: BARBARA STREISAND? NOT BABS!!!
J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️
W: Henry looks so scandalized
J: Oooop!
W: THE CLOSET SCENE
W: Bruh, they're starting the complimenting already
J: Ahhh I keep typing then getting distracted
W: I adore Henry, just btw. He's my chosen character in this
J: 😂😂😂
W: Despite the aesthetics, he's the burnt marshmallow, actually
J: Amyyyyy
W: It’s sad that they cut the Star Wars conversation
J: I knowww
W: "People kill to get into my New Year's party!" "That's perfect: they can kill me so I don't have to go!" I love it
J: Oooop!
J: Well he’s already gone for Alex
W: HEY, WAIT, I LOVE HIM! Clifton Collins, Jr.
J: Ooop 👀👀
W: My dude is flirting
J: Ooooop x2
W: Is this Liam, you think?
J: He said Miguel
W: I know. But there was no Miguel in the book. I'm saying, do you think he's standing in for Liam
J: Oh you mean just like supposed to be- yeah seems like it
J: Buddy using emoticons
W: alskdjf;laskjdflaksjdflkajdsf Those aren't emoticons; they're like. stickers, or whatever
J: Or no it’s Bitmojis! ☠️
W: I still love the "But we were ever so careful, dear" line. One of my favourites
J: I knowww lol
W: DORIAN GRAY IS SO GOOD
J: ☠️☠️☠️
W: NO, NOT HIM DISSOLVING INTO BUTTERFLIES! I'm going to cry in Hua-Cheng-coding
J: You mean the scene changing?
W: The butterflies
J: Oh!!
W: You'll figure it out when you finish the books.
J: Soooooon!!
J: Not the Turkey ☠️
(begin flashback to Wench's Discord conversation/reaction to RWaRB, the book!)
– – –
W: The turkeys ☠️ wtf are they being pardoned for??? I'm so confused
J: You didn’t know about this!?!?
W: No??
J: It’s a stupid af tradition the president pardons a Turkey on thanksgiving
W: ... wot. Why?
J: I have no idea
W: I'm looking this up *pulls up Wikipedia* *reads for five minutes* OH MY GOD THERE WAS A WHOLE RIVALRY
J: lol
W: This is actually really funny... not so much the pardoning bits, but what started it all. Basically, this dude Horace Vose started presenting dressed turkeys to the president , until some other dude decided that his turkey tasted better than Vose's and presented his own turkey instead. The prez then started receiving turkeys from literally EVERYONE, and this escalated to the point that Coolidge banned the practice... And then, the second he lifted it again, was flooded by turkeys, as well as an array of other animals, including a live racoon named Rebecca. Coolidge refused to eat her and named her a White House pet)
W: Okay, back to reading
Present-day W: (or, rather, watching!)
– – –
J: This scene is cute
W: Hey look, it's our dynamic! "What's x" "Look it up"
J: ☠️☠️☠️ ANYWAY. THIS IS CUTEEE
W: Man is a liar
J: that was the yesest nope ever
J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️
W: “They wouldn’t [like him better] if they knew him” Liar x2
J: Right?! 😂
W: Henry is about to gay panic for three hours straight
J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️ poor buddy!’
W: Fellas, is it gay to stare at your best-bro-pal-buddy's lips wrapped around a bottle?
J: I knowwwww
W: I love that the tie isn’t grey
J: PEZ
W: HELL YEAH
J: Ohhhhhhoooopp
W: Poor Henry looks so awkward when she sits on Alex
J: Oh god the flashbacks of school dances
W: I never went to any, so I am immune
J: OH GOD NOW THISSSS IS A FLASHBACK TO HS! THIS DAMN SOMG
W: This poor man
J: ☠️☠️☠️ hennnryyyyy
W: Poor Henry
J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️
W: Henry is legit me idk what you mean. Pop culture? Never heard of her? Dancing? Does English country dancing suffice? Non-80s-era pop music? What's that?
J: Here, yes, that's true... I still maintain Alex reminds me of you, though! Not to a T. Just qualities
W: You've still yet to point out... where. Or how. I still don't see it; you need to hurry up and explain
J: Like the over working himself
W: That's not exactly unique to him tho
J: I’ll explain after
W: Ugh, fineeee. Probably best; I’m getting behind on the transcript
J: Same! My brains can only do so much at once lol
J: Oh god Henry’s little smileee and then oooop 🥺 (And by little I mean it WAS covering his whole damn face)
W: I knowwwww
J: OPPPOPPPOOOPP
W: wtf was that, Jezebel?
J: Shut up
J: 👀👀👀👀👀 Henryyy 🥺🥺
W: Alex -> “Who would you be, if you were an anonymous person in the world" Henry-> "Gay"
J: ☠️
W: Sorry, I had to
J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️ You should be sorry, I ficking almsot choked
J: ahhhhhhh
W: Man's boutta bolt so quickly
J: AGHHHHHH
W: Oof, or not, actually. That was decidedly not bolting. Alex had all the opportunity
J: 😂😂
W: And now Alex shall ghost him for a month while they're both gay panicking
W: OH THAT'S NOT FAIR! HE DOESN'T GET TO TEXT "ARE YOU ALIVE?" AFTER I JUST SAID HE WASN'T ME
J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️ Hahahahahaha! Thank you movie Alex
W: Shut up
J: 😂😂 oh shut up Nora you did not
W: She is exquisite
J: She is!!
W: What. tf. was that football vs. rugby thing
J: ☠️☠️☠️ Wot? Does that even mean??
J: Buddy you really ARE as thick as it gets
W: Yeahhhhh
J: Oooop
W: Okay, guess Liam and Miguel are different
W: lasdjflksajdf I love you, Nora
J: ☠️☠️☠️
J: Oh. Boy. 👀 Guess we will see how spicy these two are gonna get
W: Shush shush
J: Cause I ain’t heard a single f bomb yet ☠️
W: alksjdflkajsf that's very true
J: Buddy is zoned out Miguel you’re talking to a wall
W: I love Amy
J: 😂😂😂 Amy!
W: Buddy. Calm tf down. aksdjflkasjdflksajf You posing is not that significant
J: “I don’t know what to do with my hand”
W: "How can I look most James Bond?"
J: 👀
W: THE GENTLENESS OF HIS ARM GESTURE TO BREAK ALEX'S HOLD!!! DID YOU SEE THAT
J: I ddddidddd
W: Poor Amy
W: HENRY WHAT ARE YOU DOING
J: HENRY WHAT ARE YOU DOINF
W: alskdjf;lkasdjf
J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️
W: Poor Henry
J: Actually, they may be on the floor again… eventually
W: alksjdflkajfds
J: Oh god ☠️☠️☠️
W: Poor Henry aldskjflaksjfd
W: I wish they hadn't cut out the God Save the Queen thing
J: I knowww
W: Oop, hello Henry
J: I feel like I being a damn peeping Tom rn
W: Henry heard "love at first sight" and went BET
J: 👀👀👀
W: That. was not that explicit
J: Fair
W: That was addressing the rating thing, not you 🙄
J: Im starting to lose my optimism
J: “I’m bisexual” Oh. Oh really? You are? You don’t say ☠️
W: I love Henry. And his maypole comment
J: Henry should have been like well I’m straight and sat back while Alex imploded
W: alksjdflkasjf yeahhhh! "Best bro besties do this all the time"
J: Mhmmm yep for sure
W: Which, tbf, Alex full-on thought, so
J: ☠️☠️
J: THAT LOOK ☠️☠️☠️☠️
W: I'm finally caught up on the transcript 😭
J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️ Oh noooo
W: See, I told you they'd be montages!
J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️ "How many names do you have?"
W: Oh, not many... Just five
W: I take it back… Make that six
W: SIR
J: ☠️☠️☠️
W: HENRY! THAT! LAKSJDF;LKASJDF
J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️ And the smug smirk after
W: Damn, homophobic grandfather instead of homophobic grandmother
W: Ooh, Alex, buddy, dealing with having a family like Henry's ain't that easy ngl
J: Yeahhhhh, that was very you-coded (Henry I mean)
W: Haha, let's go, expert-chameleons-in-a-homophobic-family squad
J: Budd- Ooop
J: Back to what I was saying... buddies that windows open
W: This is as bad as those spy/assassination movies where the target stands in front of the window
J: Right!? 🤣🤣🤣🤣
W: Also, in the book, we did know they got a fuzzy photo at some point. With a long-range camera. Maybe that's this
J: Trueee
W: Okay, ig this is the true measure of the rating
J: Welp
W: The key 😭
J: With the key on!?
W: Oi, shush shush
J: 👀
J: 👀👀👀👀👀
J: 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀
W: You good?
J: *no answer*
W: NOW!?!?! YOU'RE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION NOW?!!?!?
J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️
W: Y'all this. This ain't that explicit. Definitely not worth an R-rating
J: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Tis true!
W: Cas-coded
J: ☠️☠️ Spn can be found anywhere
W: I'm getting cereal, but don't pause; I'm bringing it with me
J: Ok lol
W: You and your fucking lols
J: L
J: I
W: lkj;lkja;lskfj;lsakdfjasdf THAT'S SO FUCKING FUNNY
J: I quit
W: You really thought you were doing something
J: My phone is just against me
W: alskdjfalksdjf
J: ☠️☠️☠️
W: Does June not exist? I'm starting to think she doesn't. She wasn't in the photo session earlier either
J: I knowwww
W: Luna's not shown up either. Unless that's who Miguel's supposed to be
J: And his parents are together
W: They're also not div- yeah
W: He will love it... until he gets fired ☠️
J: Eww rude
W: Ugh, I cannot believe I'm saying this about a Jane Austen story*, but that — “It isn’t what we say or think that defines us, but what we do.” — is a good quote
(*For those not Jezebel, despite being grudgingly somewhat fond of Jane Austen, I also was made to read her stories too many times and now also have a quiet grudge against her/her stories. And I loathe the 2005 Pride & Prejudice story, just on its own merit. Colin Firth/Jennifer Ehle miniseries forever <3)
J: 🤣🤣🤣
W: This poor dude
W: OOP
J: Uh oh. I think Miguel IS gonna BE Luna or be the leak
W: Skullduggery ❤️ (Kinda gives vibes of the Doctor Who conversation about, what was it... "With a little bit of jiggery-pokery." "Is that a technical term, jiggery-pokery?" "Yeah, I came first in jiggery-pokery. What about you?" "No, I failed hullabaloo.")
J: This’ll be interesting
J: Oh poor buddy 😂 “once, unsuccessfully”
W: Was that about the cooking comment or the Grindr comment?
J: Yes. Also, call me uncultured I haven’t seen that film either
J: 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
W: Oh no
J: Uh oh 🤣🤣🤣
W: NO! NO ONE IN THIS HERE HOTEL ROOM AT ALL
J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️
W: Zahra! Don't make assumptions! Tsk tsk! The "she" is a he, and also hiding in the closet! (I meant that literally, as they do have a habit of that happening, but it also turns out to be figurative too)
J: "It’s all chill"
W: Technically. They each already had an NDA
J: And now Zahra shall pass the fuck away ☠️
W: laskdf;lkajsdf Henry did not fucking pose ☠️
J: Poor thing! Does not get paid enough
W: alksdjflaksdjflaksdjf
J: “Oh god”
W: I love them 😭 Mid-tense-conversation and they're gabbing! "And I told my sister!" "Oh?! I didn't know that!" "Yeah, she was really happy for us!"
J: IT WAS SO ADORABLE
W: "Technically, I'm the spare" 😭 😭
W: ZAHRA MA'AM
J: WHAT!? 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Not "fuckleroy"
J: I said the same Zahra! 🤣🤣
J: Nooooo 🤣🤣
W: This poor woman did not know what she was getting into when she had this kid
J: I love herrr ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️
W: WHERE'S THE POWERPOINT :(
W: NEVER MIND AT LEAST SHE MENTIONED IT
J: Oh god. Oh no. OH NO ☠️☠️☠️
W: MA'AM PLEASE STOP GOING INTO THAT MUCH DETAIL
J: As a mom I get the concern but still ☠️☠️☠️
W: That's fair
J: I love his dad!
W: Yesss
W: Oh no
W: Is Henry wearing Alex's hat?
J: Yes
W: alsdkfja;lkdsfja;lksfdj
J: Oh my 😂😂😂😂😂
W: HEY, THAT'S NOT THAT BAD SINGING?!?!
J: Right?
W: I thought they said he butchered the karaoke
J: Right!?!
J: Oooop that was the damn I’ve done caught the feelings look
W: Yes it was
W: His dad again alsdkjfalksdjf
W: Ooh, supportive father moments! Couldn’t be me
J: 🥺🥺🥺
W: You know what's coming btw right
J: Yeah. Yeah I do. Shut up
J: And oh no that was cute
W: I KNOW
J: AND OH NO THAT WAS CUTE TOO
W: asldkfjalskfdj
J: Oh my gif he’s a vampire
J: *God
W: Gifs are your gods, to be fair
J: That is- Lol
J: That’s true tho
J: Anyway, he’s sparkling ☠️☠️☠️
W: That's called water
J: I know 😂 but he looked like twilight
W: I know, dumbass, 'twas a joke
J: And that’s Henry’s oh no he’s caught the feelings look
W: Yeppp, poor buddy
J: Oh nooooo! Buddy
J: Welp imma just go drown myself now
W: Oof, not even a pretense of it being bugs
J: 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
W: hahahha- I'm fine
J: He’s not
W: Nor am I, really
J: 😭😭😭😭😭 Same
W: DAVID
J: Davidddd
J: 😭😭😭😭😭
W: This poor man
J: Pooor budddyyy
J: Nora ☠️☠️☠️ I’m sorry but that look, I died
W: Alex really is fucking thick, I'm sorry
J: ☠️☠️☠️
W: I say this affectionately, but dumbo… wtf
J: Oooo! OH THE FEELINGNIN THAY
W: What
J: OH THE FEELING IN THAT
W: Oh alskdjf
J: The acting I mean. But also oooop an f bomb! One more and there’s the R rating ☠️☠️☠️
W: Neither of us commented during that scene because all we'd say is: ouch
J: ! :) That. Was. Anyway
J: Hey! You know what
W: ?
J: You know what song would fit this? Or them?
W: If you say. That fucking song again.
J: 😂😂😂 And good omens honestly
W: Wait, was it the one I meant?
J: 🙂
W: "Unchained Melody"?
J: Unchained Melody
W: Yeha
W: *yeah
W: No, actually, embrace the cowboy. Yeehaw
J: I was about to say that (but oh my god my phone is pissssssing me offfff)
J: Oh mah god! I love this song
W: alskdjf I don't like this version tho
J: Sameee
J: What’s that statue doing in the background
W: About what Crowley's does, probably.
J: This is so soft thooooo ☠️☠️☠️
J: AWWWWWWWW
W: aksdjflsakfdj His history would include him and be like "this man was Henry's best friend and they lived together and snogged at times and weren't they such good friends!?!?!"
J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️
J: Buddy has a death grip on him
W: Okay, not to bring in GOmens but the signet ring is giving me Azi vibes
J: LOL! BUT THAAAAA RING
W: WHAT?!!? THE KEY IS JUST- WHAT
J: Ngl I like the exchange better than just him adding the ring
W: I don’t!!! I liked the "two homes, side-by-side" thing 😭
J: Yeah that’s true!
W: Uh oh
J: Oh no
W: The emails went out on fucking REDDIT!?!? Awkward
J: Ack! But also the slow panic on his face
J: Oooop buddy got angry
W: OOF
J: His "CONTACTS"
W: 'snort' Sure. Is that what we're calling fiancées these days
J: 😂😂😂😂
W: BRUH, MIGUEL YOU ASSHOLE
J: LE GASP! ugh and his little smug look
W: Miguel can fuck off
J: Right!?
J: Buddyyyyyy 🥺🥺🥺🥺
W: Wait, they didn't even get to talk before the speech?! That sucks
W: Ooh, fuck yeah! ALEX USED HENRY'S PROPER TITLE AND FULL NAME AND SHIT
J: 😭😭😭😭😭
W: I love Zahra btw
J: ZAHGGHHTAAAA
W: Wtf was that?! Also, this is basically her character in Person of Interest and Life, btw
J: 😂😂😂
J: Her face 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
W: Poor woman
J: 😂😂😂😂😂😂 Im dying
W: Having to sit here like Black Water and listen to rants about Xie Lian, but RWRB universe
J: OOP!
W: She just spilled so much
J: The wheels are turning for Alex
W: Holy shit, he's so thick
J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️ BABBYYYYY
W: OH SHIT THE LOOK
J: AHHH
J: OOOOP HES WEARING THE RING
W: On the fucking stairs alkdsfj
J: that looook! We haven’t got enough time with them. We’ve been robbed
J: Ah yes. This is something I guess you do when you are in an American/British relationship
W: asldkfjalskdjfasdflkj What's the this?
J: I swear I thought he was playing heart and soul but I meant playing together in general
W: … no. The subtitles even outright said "My Country, 'Tis of Thee"
J: I don’t have subtitles on ☠️
W: That sounds like a you problem
J: Ack! Fuck offf Philip
W: Can I slap him?
J: Please do
W: I miss Bea's rebellion tho
J: SAMEEEE
W: Oof
J: SHUT UP PHILIP
W: I KNOW! I think he might have a heart attack if he read them though
J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️
W: OOF
J: Oh sir ewwww you read them??? he's your grandsonnnnn
J: Ew x2
W: OOF x2
J: Bbabandbecause! I said so
W: Man can't even make a complete sentence
J: I have given up trying to type on this phone
W: To be fair, that was basically how he said it
W: WHAT WAS THAT PRONUNCIATION
J: "TAKE THE AMERICAN WITH YOU"
W: alsdkjf
J: Bby you are supported 😭😭😭
W: Oop, damn
J: Suck on that Philip
W: Hey, grandfather dude, you lost the right to call him "my boy" a while ago, btw
J: Ahhhhh 🙂 😁
W: "Crikey, that's a lot of red" I love him
J: 😂😂😂😂
W: Henry's kidnapping him
J: 😂😂😂
W: Henry!??! This mannnnn! I love him
J: AHHH! Love him!!
W: Henry looks so awkward on stage🙄 I love him, but like. He did
J: 😂😂😂 Poor budddy
W: Are you going to say anything other than cry-laugh emojis in the next half of the react?
J: Probably not 😂😂😂😂😂
W: Bruh, Alex didn't even have to ask… I guarantee Henry has been wearing that key religiously
J: 😂😂😂😂😂
W: Not speaking from experience or anything but-
J: Mhhmmm 🙂 so you-coded!
W: ... That's still me-as-Henry??? I'm missing the Alex parallels
J: I know!
W: You're infuriating
W: HENRY
J: YOU HAVE TO READ HENRYS CHAPTERRRRR! It’s like a what happens next
W: I liked Luna better than Miguel, tbh. I know they probably couldn't fit it, but still
J: Yeah! Im so easy to please I just loved it sm idec about what was changed! BUT I do wish it had been a mini series
W: Weirdo. Imagine being easy to please
W: There's an end-credit scene… Fast-forward to it
J: “Do you think anyone noticed” ☠️☠️☠️
J: I hadn’t reread the book yet but I’m going to now ☠️☠️☠️
