#jeungsando

“If, upon seeing a talented person of fine presence, you lose confidence―thinking, ‘A person like that will be successful. How can a mediocrity like me handle a great task?’―you will ruin your work.

If you think like this, you will not accomplish anything. You will not succeed regardless of how hard you try.

Your guardian spirits will come to have doubts. ‘By supporting this weakling, our own work will be ruined,’ they will say, and they will leave.” — Dojeon 8:24:3-5

The above passage of the Dojeon is one I’ve been leaning on in the run-up to my initiation on the 17th, especially as I try to learn the required mantras and such in time for the ceremony. The Jinaekju Mantra was overwhelmingly difficult at times but I finally managed to memorise it — I can recite the whole thing off the cuff, with barely a stumble. That’s four down, one to go. The next and final (for now) mantra is the Cheonjibulju Mantra; which is listed in neither of my books of mantras. Teacher Seok (my pojungnim, as I’ve learned is his Korean title) said that’s because it’s typically learned at the dojang itself, and has promised to send me the text of the mantra and a recording so I can start memorising it. I’ve got two weeks! I’m not too worried though, having mastered each previous one ahead of schedule.

Okay I’m a little worried.

One of the nice things as I’ve been learning the mantras is that I’ve gradually been able to participate in more and more of the Sunday chiseongs. Typically we briefly chant two mantras, read the Prayer from the Heart and a section of the Dojeon each in Korean and then in English, and then chant all five mantras a total of 51 times before ending with ‘dynamic meditation’. When I started I could only chant the first mantra (the Taeeulju Mantra) and then just say and listened to the rest, but now I can chant along with nearly the entire service. The only remaining gap is the Cheonjibulju Mantra, which to my ear sounds lengthy and difficult. So I’m a bit nervous still. But like 86% confident.

I attended yesterday’s chiseong over Zoom. Teacher Seok told me that due to a meditation class scheduled for after the service (which I didn’t plan on attending b/c it costs money) the rite itself would only be about a half hour, and I figured it wasn’t worth being driven an hour there and an hour back if that was the case. Usually the chiseong takes 50-60min and then I spend 45min to an hour talking to the pojungnim over tea and a glass of ice water; combined with usually going out to eat afterward the amount of time spent typically ensures the juice is worth the squeeze. Not this time though! The chiseong was a record 23 minutes long, and especially considering Teacher Seok didn’t have time to talk afterward going in-person would’ve felt like a tremendous waste. As it was it was nice however; the reading from the Dojeon was 8:23, and verses 11-15 always stick with me:

“It is difficult to live when you have transgressed. Happiness is found only in the places where all transgressions have been cleared away. Tell Me, earnestly, what wrongs you have done. I will forgive each and every one of them. Reforming a fault is the same as having no fault. Whenever and wherever you pray to Me with utmost sincerity, I will accept your prayers.”

Very comforting stuff, particularly in light of the weight of my own transgressions that press down upon me. The fact that Sangjenim forgives an initiate’s sins isn’t overly emphasised ahead of time (it does happen, it’s just not used as a selling point from what I’ve seen) but for me personally it’s an important motivator; as I’ve said, that was one of the driving forces that almost saw me adopt Latter-day Saint Christianity. Speaking of adopting new religions: my initiation is coming up! Just under two weeks! This morning Teacher Seok and I finished the last of the study sessions prior to initiation, having finally exhausted his 300-slide PowerPoint, and tomorrow we start the 7 days’ meditation. Exciting! Apparently I also have to take a test (nerve-wracking, much less exciting) as well as write an essay/testimony of my spiritual life up until now. Apparently His Holiness the Jongdosanim (Grandmaster) of Jeung San Do reads these essays from applicants(!) so it’ll have to be some of the best work. I’ve written many similar essays but this will be the last and greatest of them.