#jesussaidit

As a 30 year old black woman, wife, and soon to be mother of four, life sometimes gets for real for real overwhelming. Often times between my duties at work, wife mode, mommy hood, and trying to accomplish my own personal goals I find myself completely lost. When I say lost, I mean lost like the remote for the television, or like your car keys when you have to be somewhere in 15 minutes, lost. For me that means life becomes blurry and I can’t figure anything out. Not life, not what to do next, nothing. I always so want to be like those people on the movies that always knows their next move and even when it seems like they’re trapped, BOOM!!, a move we didn’t see comes in and saves the day. In my mind, I am that cool and that clever. Listen, in reality, I need guidance and most times unless God leads me to something or someone I have absolutely no clue what I am doing in life. I mean literally. I have tried to do so much on my own without any guidance and so far that has gotten me in debt, depressed at times, almost divorced, sometimes happy (always short lived), frustrated, and LOST.

About a year ago, I had gotten to that place of lost. My husband and I had lost our apartment, car repossessed, had no money, and three kids. I wanted a divorce, my husband didn’t. I felt overlooked, overworked and underpaid at my job and honestly still couldn’t understand why in the world did I go to college and get a degree. I felt like such a failure and all I wanted to do was cry and blame God for bringing me to such a place. A place of desolation and a place where I had no idea where I was. I was so angry with God. Angry to the point, I didn’t want to talk to God and I definitely didn’t want God talking to me. Finally, one day out of nowhere, I opened my mouth in prayer and said “God, your word is true and I know that even here in this place you are with me. I know that you have not moved, but clearly I have gone somewhere and I don’t know where I am. PLEASE, come find me!” I know that was the Holy Spirit speaking through me because my stubborn self will sometimes sit in my pity until that trumpet blows. I know God be looking at me like, “this child here, girl get up!”  

God lead me to Luke 15:4 “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it?” Most of my life I only equated that scripture to salvation. Of which it does mean. But the wonderful thing about God is that he always meets you where you are at and not at the place he once found you before. So one scripture could mean different things for you at different moments in your life. This one in particular at this particular moment in my life was a rescue scripture. I was saved but I had traveled a road created by me and not God and I was lost. BUT, God had promised to come find me. God didn’t just stop there. One day I finally kept reading. Luke 15: 5-7 “And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders, 6 and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ 7 I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.” I definitely needed to see that, because being saved and sinning (i.e. getting lost) seems like the un-christian thing to do.

God showed me when I get lost, in my own decisions, my own plans, my own paths, not only will God leave those “righteous” people, who need not to repent to come find me, the one who keeps messing up. God will also pick me up and place me on his shoulders and take me home. After being lost, the last thing I want to do is walk and the only thing I want to do is GO HOME.  Most importantly, God REJOICES! God is not that mean parent that yells and fusses because you got in trouble. (Like i sometimes am. I’m working on it) 

  The part I never knew was that my crying out to him to PLEASE COME FIND ME, was a repentance. I always thought you had to say the words, Lord I repent. However, I learned by destroying my pride and asking for help was in fact me acknowledging I was wrong in this situation and considered a repentance. Not only did God come find me, pick me up and take me home, God told all his folks and they all rejoiced! Yall, every time we repent to the Lord they throwing a party in heaven. Listen, I am here for a good party, ok! Over, ONE sinner.

I know we all like to believe that once we get saved we become a part of that ninety-nine, but in actuality, especially for me, on this side of the salvation line I find myself being that one. That one who keeps making decisions I know good and well the Lord was like, nah bruh. That one who keeps becoming angry and sinning when I was clearly told, when in anger don’t sin (Eph. 4:26). That one who didn’t know if she heard the Lord right, so let me just do this how I want to. I am that one! I am now that one who knows a full party is thrown for every repentance, and as often as I need to I can ask, GOD, PLEASE COME FIND ME! Listen, I am not one who believes we should just keep on sinning, but I am one who is grateful for the grace that when I do, God will come find me, pick me up, take me home, tell the neighbors and throw a party all because He found me! Trust me, this prayer works for me every time. I pray that as you read this, in any area in which you feel lost, hopeless, abandoned,  or scared, that the Lord will indeed COME FIND YOU! After all, it’s not about you getting back to God, but truly God getting back to you!