#jellydeans

FAITH  /  SPN 1.12

“I... I  always wondered... long before I made that deal with the Empty... what our happiness could even look like. I didn’t expect to ever know. I felt like the one thing I wanted...”  Dean blinks away the pain that once polluted these words. Even now, in a way, they hurt. Why are you telling me this now? 

“...was something I couldn’t have. But I know now. Happiness isn't just in the being. It's in the having. It's in saying it over and over, through vows and sweet nothings, through small talk and honest discussions...” Dean thinks back to small moments shared, when I love you was translated into meals at diners and the tender wrapping of wounds. I know what you’re talking about, man. 

“We know how you used to see yourself, Dean. You used to see yourself the same way our enemies saw you,” having anticipated that line, Dean shoots a pointed glance towards a couple of audience members, “Destructive, angry, broken… You thought hate and anger, that's... that's what drove you and made you who you are.” Dean could’ve sworn he heard Cas and at least one other person mutter ‘Fuck John Winchester’ but couldn’t find it in himself to care. 

“It's not. And everyone here sees it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for the whole world - each plane of existence - for love. That is who you are. You're the most caring man who has ever walked the Earth or the heavens. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know.” 

This time, Dean knows he has the power to protect the tears sparkling in Cas’ eyes and the man who hosts them. These are not the kind of tears Dean is used to, yet they are still familiar. He does not look away, but the twinkling in Cas’ eyes is akin to the moon rather than the sun. Dean does not feel like his eyes are about to be burnt out from looking. He will not have shadows in his vision when he looks away. Why does this feel like a hello? These tears… are old, yet new. Like a best friend born out of tragedy, yet before him peacefully now as a lover. 

Dean feels he finally understands why smiling is sometimes referred to as ‘beaming’ as the celestial being in front of him basks him in adoration. “Ever since we met and ever since I pulled you out of Hell, knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam. I cared about Jack. I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean. I love you.” 

During the time in Dean’s life when tears were terrifying, he would have looked away and scrubbed at his eyes. This time, resisting instinct, he does not break his gaze. Dean lets the tears fall. “Shit,” he sniffles in tandem with a shaky laugh, “Did you, uh... did you memorize that?”

you: pls stop misha posting!!!

also you: *continues reblogging*

jd! thank you for the ask!💓

9) what’s your favorite motel they stayed in: ummm the one they stay in at Bad Day at Black Rock, i always think about that one asbdkahs OR the second one in As Time Goes By that has the bright yellow tile

omg all i can think of is that ‘blood orange ugh she’s so pretentious it’s fucking red’ meme anyways thank u!! here’s a treat :-) 🍌