#jeffjane

tear you the fuck apart vs burn you the fuck alive

no text under the cut

"she's canonically lesbian" hasn't canon been thrown out of the window for most of them? Just look at Jeff himself; every version of that man is different. I'll scroll my front page for a minute and get five different versions of him (not that that's a bad thing. I love it). And even if canon wasn't thrown out the window, there's another popular version of Jane that isn't a lesbian, if I remember correctly(I may be wrong about this, though?)

I think the whole appeal is the fact they're enemies, so I also don't understand people saying "but Jane hates Jeff!", I'm pretty sure that's the point. That's a very popular trope in fandoms, because people like seeing enemies together

I'm not even the biggest fan of the ship, myself (it's not a bad ship, just not my thing with them), but I feel the need to say this because I just don't get people hating on it. I get not liking it, but every time I see it there's at least one person saying either of the above, and again, I just don't get it

Nina: I’ve organized your messages into three categories. 

Nina: “From Jane” 

Nina: “Death Threats” 

Nina: and “Death Threats From Jane”

Jane: I just wanted to say that over the years, I have come to regard you as… people I met.

Jane: That's a nice argument, Jeff Why don't you back it up with a source? 

Jeff: My source is that I made it the fuck up!

Nina, filling out legal paperwork: Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB? 

Liu: Bold of you to assume I was born at all. 

Jane: I personally was created in a lab. 

Jeff: I just straight up spawned lol.

Jane: How has life been treating you lately? 

Jeff: Horribly.

Jeff: What must it be like to live in your head? Are there happy ponies in there? It’s really something how utterly delusional your optimism is. If I didn’t hate you so much, I might even be impressed. 

Nina: Huzzah! I got a heavily qualified and slightly sarcastic compliment from Jeff!

Nina: Where have you been all day? 

Liu: Oh, just dealing with things way beyond my maturity level.

Jane: I have the sharpest memory here - name one time I forgot something! 

Liu: You left me, Jeff, and Nina in a Walmart parking lot at 2am a day ago. 

Jane: I did that on purpose, try again.

Kidnapper: We have your child 

Jane: I don’t have a child?

Kidnapper: Then who just asked for warm milk and made us cut the crusts off their sandwich? 

Jane: Oh god, you have Nina

Jane: Love makes people do stupid things. 

Nina: I love everything! 

Jane: That explains a lot.

Jane: As you know I keep a list of all my friends in order of how likely they are to betray me. 

Liu: Where am I on the list? 

Jane: Well I can’t tell you that because then you’ll quickly move up or down depending on your reaction.

Jeff, texting: Nina, will you please go to sleep? 

Nina, texting back: What makes you think you didn’t just wake me up? 

Jeff, yelling: I CAN HEAR YOU CLAPPING TO THE FRIENDS THEME EVERY TWENTY MINUTES SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP! 

Jeff, texting: Just a hunch :) You goin’ to sleep soon? 

Nina, texting: I’m trying 

Jeff, yelling again: TRY HARDER I HAVE A 5:45 AM MEETING TOMORROW BITCH 

Jeff, texting: Okay, don’t stay up too late or you’ll be cranky :)

Jeff: What is this!? 

Liu: That’s the weight of guilt. Give in to the nice side. Help those unfortunate, and make the guilt go away, my friend. 

Jeff: Ow! Make it stop! 

Liu: Surrender to your kindness, Jeff. It’s nice to be nice. 

Jeff: Your guilt is strong, my friend. But it is no match for the power of my selfishness!

Liu: If I die, you can have what little I own. 

Jane: Wait. What do you mean "if" you die? 

Liu: My unending existence is fuelled by pure spite, that of which the painful experiences of life have rendered me full. 

Jane: 

Jane: *Sighs* Let me call your therapist again.

Jane: Hey Jeff, I’ve got an idea for how to solve this. 

Jeff, pulling out a shotgun: Yeah? 

Jane: Wh- No! That’s not the idea, Jeff!

Jeff: You look mentally ill. 

Nina: I am. Let’s go.

Jeff: What should I do? 

Nina: *holds out hand* May I suggest dinner with a friend? 

Jeff: Well, none of my friends are available, so I guess I'll have to go with you.

Jane: You don’t have any friends in the first place!

Liu: Nina, you'll be working with Jeff and Jane. 

Nina: Alright! My fantasy threesome! 

Everyone else: *blank stares* 

Nina: ...Of people on a team.

Liu: Alright, what pizza toppings should we order? 

Nina: Anchovies and pineapple. 

Jane: I like beets.

Jeff: Have you guys ever had a cheese-less pizza? 

Liu: I’m disowning all of you.

Nina: What happened to your nose? 

Jane: I used it to break some guy's fist.

Jane: I can do anything I put my mind to. I once figured out Jeff's phone number just by choosing random numbers.

Jane: What’s your body count? 

Jeff: Do you mean sex or murder?

Jane: I already know which one is zero.

Nina: Time sensitive question how to flirt boy. 

Jeff: Throw rocks at him. 

Liu: Hot Dogs. 

Jane: Kill him. 

Nina: Thanks guys.

Jane: Good news! 

Jeff: You found where I hid your phone? 

Jane: ... 

Jeff: You found your phone?

Jeff: If it’s any consolation, they got me here on a very misleading text message. 

Jane: Technically, you are about to be screwed in the biology room.

Jane: When we get back, I'm going to step on you! 

Jeff: Okay, as much as I might enjoy that, Jane–

Jane: What the hell is wrong with you? 

Jeff: I have this weird self-esteem issue where I hate myself but still think I’m better than everyone else.

Liu, about a fight between Jeff and Jane: It scares me how many knives were involved. 

Nina: There… weren’t any knives involved though? 

Liu: That’s what scares me.

Jeff: How do I tell Jane that I want them to yell at me like they're Gordon Ramsay and I'm a poor little chef who just ruined a crème brûlée?

Jeff: What’s sexting? 

Jane: I'm not having this conversation with you.

Jane: It doesn’t have a bone. 

Jeff: Then why is it called a boner?

Jeff: Hey, Jane, what do you think it would be like if we had kids? 

Jane: What would it be like? Inconvenient, mostly. 

Jeff: No, I mean, what would they be like, the kids? Have you ever thought about it? 

Jane: Can't really say I have. 

Jeff: You know, for someone as eccentric as yourself, you can be boring as fuck sometimes. 

Jane: Sorry, Jeff. For what it's worth, I'm picturing them now. A boy and a girl. Two perfect little freaks of nature raised by people who've clearly got no business bringin' up anybody.

Jeff, with a headache: Advil me up, daddy. 

Jane: I will short out the language center of your brain if you say anything like that ever again.

Jane: I suppose you’re right. We really would be better off working together. 

Jeff: So, then… détente? 

Jane: Agreed. 

Jeff: Understanding? 

Jane: Possibly. 

Jeff: Cooperation? 

Jane: Maybe. 

Jeff: Trust? 

Jane: Out of the question.

Jane: As top in this relationship, I think we should-