#jcbower

Jamie knew you had been stressed lately with work, family, and everything else. He wanted to give you a break, a chance to unwind and have fun.

You bent down, sticking your hand in one of the tide pools to touch one of the biggest sea anemones you’d ever seen.

You pulled your hand back quickly when it started closing on your finger. Giggling, you stood up and turned around, waiting for your eyes to land on Jamie.

“Babe!” You yelled to him. “Come here!” You see him smile brightly, doing as he was told. He wrapped his sweater around his waist and carefully stepped, regretting his choice of wearing flip-flops.

“I’m going to fall!” He dramatically says, causing you to laugh.

You make your way back toward him, reaching out your hand to him. “I told you not to wear those.” You pointed at his feet.

He blushes, knowing you were right. “I thought they would feel better on my feet. Last time I wore normal shoes to the coast they filled up with sand and I got blisters.”

You shook your head, amused by his logic. You took his hand and pulled him closer to you. You looked into his eyes and saw the love and happiness that mirrored yours.

He leaned in to kiss you, but you quickly turned your head. You felt anxiety in your stomach as his lips brushed against your cheek instead of your mouth.

You grabbed his hand and dragged him to the sand, where you didn’t have to worry about him falling. You saw the hurt and confusion in his eyes when you dodged his kiss, but you pretended not to notice.

You turn around to see him staring off to the coast, no smile, no frown, nothing, and you wonder if this is the time to finally say something.

You remembered the first time you kissed Jamie. It was on your third date, after he took you to see a movie that made you both laugh and cry. He walked you to your door and hugged you goodnight. He looked into your eyes and smiled softly, making your heart flutter. He leaned in slowly, giving you time to pull away if you wanted to. But you didn’t. You closed your eyes and met his lips with yours, feeling a spark of electricity run through your body. It was gentle and sweet, a perfect first kiss. You felt happy and safe with him like he understood you and cared for you. You wanted to kiss him more. You wanted to make sure he knew how much it meant to you, how much he meant to you. But there was another reason why you didn’t kiss him often or let it get far enough to lead to heavier intimacy.

A reason that was harder to admit, even to yourself.

You stop allowing him to catch up to you and when he does you lace your fingers with him and drag him to the tiny picnic table. "I'm sorry." You tell him as he sits beside you.

He nods, "I just, is it me? Love, you can tell me anything." He sighs running his fingers through his hair frustrated by the unknown.

"No, it's not you." You bite your lip shoulders slumping. "I've got some explaining to do and I want you to know everything because I love you and I do trust you...I'm scared you're going to think of me differently."

Curious blue eyes wander around your face and they soften at the sight of the painful look you're holding. You take in a deep breath knowing it was time.

You do your best to explain what made you feel ashamed and scared. The past trauma that still haunted you. How you'd been abused by someone who was supposed to love you and protect you. Someone who took advantage of your trust and innocence. Someone who hurt you physically and emotionally, leaving scars that never healed. Someone who made you feel worthless and dirty like you didn’t deserve love or happiness.

How you've tried to forget what happened, to move on with your life. All the therapy, and how you read books, and did everything that was supposed to help. It did help, for a while.

You learned to cope with your pain, to manage your triggers, to rebuild your self-esteem.

You wanted to be close to Jamie, to show him how much you loved him. But sometimes, when he touched you or kissed you or hugged you too tight, it reminded you of what happened before. It reminded you of how vulnerable and helpless and violated you felt. It reminded you of how much it hurt. And when that happened, you panicked and did your best to get rid of the feeling.

Sometimes it was like a reflex, a survival instinct. You couldn’t always control it. You hated yourself for it. You hated how it made Jamie feel rejected and confused. You hated how it created distance and tension between you two.

When you finished speaking Jamie brings his thumbs to your face and wipes the tears from under your eyes uncrossing his legs at first he wants to pull you into his arms and show you he was there to protect you, but instead, he holds your hand looking you in the eyes he asks, "Can I hold you?"

You half smile looking down at the sand and then raise your eyes nodding. Giving him permission to comfort you. "I'll never do anything to make you uncomfortable on purpose, darling. I want you to feel safe with me." He says as he pulls you into his arms. "I'm angry that someone ever laid a hand on you in the wrong way or against your will."

Your back rests against his chest as you watch the waves crashing down growing closer as the sun sets. His arms are tight around you but in a way that makes you feel loved. "It's just going to take me sometime and I understand if that's a deal breaker." You softly say knowing that he didn't half to stay with you if this was something he couldn't handle.

"No," He says pushing you up and unlocking his arms.

You turn around quickly scared that you upset him. He laces his fingers with yours a serious look on his face and he gently squeezes your hands. "No, I'll wait for you to be ready, Love. Trust me. There is so many good things about you and everything about you is worth the wait. I'm not going to pressure you into something you don't want. That's not what I'm supposed to do as a boyfriend. I'm supposed to be patient, loving, kind, and understanding. You get deserve to be treated properly and I'll make sure of that you are."

You feel tears prick at your eyes again and this time it's not out of fear or worry but hope and thankfulness that this went so much better than you expected.

He gently kisses your nose making you smile and pulls you back into his arms, your face landing in the crook of his neck as he rubs your back. "You're worth it. Ok?"

You nod against him. "Thank you, Jamie."

You drop your grocery bags on the counter. Sighing, you crumple the paper and throw it in the trash.

It was no surprise Jamie wasn't home, but you thought when you asked him to be home for dinner tonight, he would.

You're not a priority, and as much as you loved Jamie, you wondered if things would change or if you should leave now.

You understood how busy he could get between his acting career and his music life. It didn't bother you initially because Jamie still made time for you, and now? You were left wondering if your fiancé felt anything for you.

You sit at the breakfast bar and grab the notepad that Jamie previously wrote on. It was a little petty, but you didn't want to text. You'd respond quickly and probably say something you regret.

Dinners in the fridge.

I'll see you when you come to bed.

-y/n

You close your eyes and pinch the bridge of your nose. Your cheek muscle twitches to a frown, and your breath shakes as salty tears fill your eyes. You hate to think of what your life would be like without him.

The logical side of your brain tells you to pack a bag and leave. You can't fix this, and you can't make him do better.

Your emotional side is begging you to stay and give him another chance. It reminds you of all the good times you've had with Jamie and how good you were together.

Your phone buzzes on the counter. You pick it up to see a text from one of your friends. The message has a link to a website. You click on it and wait for it to load.

Your stomach feels nauseous as you read the title in big, bold letters: Jamie Campbell Bower and y/n y/l/n call it quits?

Rumors fly as y/n is nowhere to be seen. Is this the end of what everyone thought was a perfect relationship?

You click out of the article and text Erin back.

Typical gossip 🤷🏻‍♀️

You haven't told anyone about your relationship problems. You didn't want to believe something was wrong.

You leave your phone on the counter; you don't want to be bothered by more links or shitty pictures. You didn't want to be upset that Jamie wouldn't call or text you tonight. You head upstairs, watch a movie, and hope sleep will come easy.

That following day you're woke by guitar notes downstairs. You look to the side of the bed where Jamie usually lays. His bedsheets are perfectly flat, and pillows fluffed.

Groaning, you roll out of bed, get dressed, and decide to make breakfast. Jamie couldn't say no to bacon.

When you reach the kitchen, you start the coffee pot and begin pulling ingredients out of the fridge. Another sigh escapes your lips when you see Jamie didn't touch the food you made for him.

You're doing your best to focus on cooking food, but you feel this ache in your chest, like your heart is getting ready to shatter.

You go to the studio room when you're finished in the kitchen. The door is cracked just enough for you to see the backside of Jamie. You hold a plate in your hand and set it next to him on his desk.

"Hey." You quietly say. "Made you some food."

He turns in his chair, giving a weak smile. "Thanks, but I had some toast earlier." He continues strumming on his guitar and ignores that you're standing there.

You feel anger boiling in your blood. You take a deep breath and sarcastically say, "Of course you did." And start for the door.

Jamie's head snaps up when he hears what you say. "What's that supposed to mean?"

You stop in the doorway. "It means exactly what I said."

He sets his guitar against his desk and gives you his full attention for the first time in a while. He softly smacks his hands on his thighs and leans forward, "Something on your mind?" He sharply asks.

"Where did you sleep last night?" You lean against the door frame; your eyes are burning holes at the man in front of you. You'd be lying if you said you weren't worried about his answer. "it wasn't with me." You spit.

Jamie chuckles. "You've got to be kidding, right? All of this attitude because I didn't sleep in bed with you? I fell asleep on the couch. I got home late and didn't want to wake you up. That's what this is about?" He says, gesturing to you. "I'm not cheating on you if that's what you're getting at."

Another gut ache you hadn't even thought of that possibility. Your jaw clenches, and through gritted teeth, you say, "It's not just that, Jamie!"

He leans back in his chair and crosses his arms over his chest. He's acting like your existence is bothering him. "Then what is the issue?!" He shouts. "I'm busy ensuring my job is done. Doesn't that matter? This is my job, do you not remember?" He taunts you like you're a dumbass. He showcases his instruments. Standing, he walks toward you, and for a second, you're frightened by how close he is to your face. "What do you want from me?" His eyes bounce around your face, and you start to feel small. He speaks louder this time. "Say what you need to or get out!"

"Do not raise your fucking voice at me!" You push him hard in the chest to get him out of your face. Why is Jamie treating you this way? You shake your head, "Fuck, never mind. There's no point anymore!" You storm down the hallway. You hear his footsteps following, and he yells for you to stop. But when you do, he looks lost. You roughly poke his chest, making him stop in his tracks. "I should have listened to my friends and family, Jamie. They told me this would happen, you'd get too busy for me, and you'd be gone all the fucking time, but I didn't want to believe it!" You wipe the corners of your eye, "I've done everything I can. I've given you a chance after chance, hoping and praying that you could show me the man I fell in love with. You don't care anymore, and you've proven it time and time again. Why am I still waiting?" You take off your engagement ring and put it in his hand. "You don't love me as I love you, and I deserve better." You snivel through your sentence, "What happened to us? We used to be so good together, and now it feels like I don't even know you, and I hate this version of you!"

"Y/n, wait." His voice is soft and gentle, realizing he directed his stress and anger at the wrong person.

You grab your keys and phone from the small table by the front door and quickly exit before he can say anything else. His voice you loved now sounds like nails on a chalkboard and irritates your whole body. You need to leave.

You don't mean to slam the door shut, but you're surely not going to apologize for it. You open your car door and buckle in, "Fuck!" You scream. "Fuck, fuck, fuck." Your shoulders relax, and you turn the engine on. You weren't sure where you were going but weren't staying in that house any longer. You could drive around until you were cooled off. Like muscle memory, you bring yourself to your favorite park, where you and Jamie first met.

Your sister told you it was one of the most beautiful hikes you'd ever go on, and she wasn't lying. The only part that you regretted was not bringing a sweater. It poured rain that afternoon, and you were alarmed by the thunder and lightning. You found a hole in the rock wall and hid for cover, hoping the rain would pass and you'd be on your way.

Ten minutes passed before someone else had the same idea as you. He looked surprised when he walked around the corner to see you standing there. "Sorry I didn't see you. Do you mind if I share shelter with you for a moment?" He laughed. "I thought it was going to be sunny today."

You scoot over and allow him into the tight space. "I did the same thing." You giggle, "And now it's pouring rain, and I'm cold, and I'm honestly not a huge fan of the lightning."

He crosses his arms over his chest and rubs his shoulders for warmth. "I'm Jamie." He says between shivers. "I'd stick my hand out, but it's freezing.

You nod, "Y/n."

He brightly smiles at you. "Pretty. Very suiting." He peaks his head out of the small caved-in area to check the weather. "Sorry, I promise I’m attempting light conversation. I don’t want to come off as creepy. " Embarrassed, he looks everywhere except for you.

When the rain settles, you find yourself bummed. You were entertained by the conversation you and Jamie were sharing.

Jamie was mesmerizing to you; his blue eyes sparkled in the sunlight, and that gorgeous contagious smile tranced you. "Do you want company?" You ask. "We're going the same way."

"I was going to ask you the same, but I didn't want to frighten you." He admits.

You sit on the cliff's edge with your legs crossed over one another.

This was a beautiful view of The Valley, not a cloud to be seen; the sun's rays warmed your body, and you could feel yourself begin to relax. You don't know how long you've been there. You only knew it was getting darker and didn't want to go home.

"It's wild how small the world is, but when you're down there, everything's so big."

Jamie grins as he watches you talk. You had a lot to say and were intelligent; he could listen to you talk for hours and never get tired of your voice. You captivated him. It was that day Jamie decided he was going to marry you.

The smell of a cigarette burning fills your nostrils, giving away you're no longer alone. You don't bother looking behind you. Why give someone a reason to start a conversation? You hear footsteps closing in on you, and you squeeze your eyes shut, hoping they will disappear.

It's not till you feel the person draping a jacket over your shoulders that you realize who it is.

Jamie.

You were predictable. He knew this was where you would go. You often did after fights or when you were upset. It was your haven.

You watch out the corner of your eye as he puts out his cigarette; he sits crisscrossed and leans back on his hands.

"Why are you here?" You coldly ask.

"Can we talk?" He pushes his sunglasses up to hold his hair back, revealing those eyes that you fell in love with.

You drop your eyes to the horizon. Eye contact felt like punishment at this point. "Do I have a choice?"

"Please forgive me." He sits up and nervously fidgets with the strings of his sweater. "I've been caught up in my work chaos, and it's no excuse for how I've treated you or made you feel." He lights up another cigarette. "You are a priority in my life, and you're right. You do deserve better. You always have." He pulls off his cigarette and nervously flicks the ashes. "I'm sorry, truly. I’m horrified with my behavior.”

Your hand runs down your face. "But why did it take me threatening to leave for you to pay attention?" You shrug your shoulders. "Do you care anymore? Is this what you want; am I what you want?"

He quickly nods, "You've always been what's best for me. Yes, I want you, always. I'm an idiot and don't deserve you, but please, give me one more chance to prove that I can be the man you need and want."

You're eyes drift to his; a mix of sadness and fear lies in his baby blues.

You're trying to convince yourself he can do it, but some of you feels like it's not worth it. You don't ever want to feel this let down again.

"One more chance." You weakly smile at him.

"You won't regret it. I promise you." He sticks his hand in his pocket and pulls out your ring. He gently grabs your hand and slides the ring back on your finger. "That was the worse thing I've ever felt." He admits. "I promise I'll find a balance between work and home."

You scoot close to him, and he holds his arm out for you to snuggle into his side. He holds you close and kisses the top of your head. "We should get married here."

You lightly giggle, "I don't want to hike up here in a dress, and I don't think either of our parents would want to either." Shivering, you ask, "Walk me to the car?"

Jamie helps you stand and pulls you close to his chest while wrapping you tightly in his arms. "It would be an honor."

"Jamie?" You tilt your head, and he looks down to meet your gaze.

"Yes, love?"

"Please help me make this work." You wrap your arms around his waist and gently push your face to his chest.

"I promise I'll prove it to you every second of the day that giving me another chance wasn't a waste of time."

"Why didn't you tell me this before?" Your voice shakes; you feel your lips tremble. "You've had how long to tell me this, and you wait till I'm about to get married?"

You had asked your best friend of 12 years to stand with you at your wedding, and he told you he had feelings for you at the last minute.

Jamie stares with watery eyes. He didn't mean to tell you, but he couldn't hold it anymore. You never expressed feelings for him, even if you did have them. Why he decided now was beyond you.

"I can't stand the idea of you getting married to him! He doesn't know you as I do!" He sighs, "You can't deny your feelings for me. I know that you're the reason Layla and I broke up. I know you drunkenly told her you wished you would have made a move sooner!"

You stand from the couch, nearly sticking your finger in his face, "That was a year ago, and you didn't do anything about it then, so why now, Jamie?" You take a deep breath and step back, "You know what? Don't answer that. You should leave." You reach the front door, but Jamie hasn't moved from his spot on the leather recliner. "Don't call me. Don't text me; I don't want you at the wedding if you can't be supportive."

Jamie stands and walks to you. He stops in front of you before exiting and says. "You and I both know he's wrong for you. You're marrying someone who hardly knows you. When you change your mind and admit to yourself the truth, you know where I live."

You feel like screaming at him. How dare he say such things to you and act like he knew what was best for you. "Fuck off, Jamie. You'll move on sooner than later. Look at your dating history; you get obsessed with someone and then move on. You like what you can't have and dump them in the trash when you finally get it." Your voice carries venom as you tell him, "I don't want to see you again."

Jamie laughs in disbelief. "Goodbye."

The conversation plays over and over in your head; three days later, you couldn't get the image of Jamie's disappointment out of your head.

"Hey," Your fiance says, "I got you your favorite." He enters the kitchen with bags in his hand. The logo shows it's from the local Barbeque restaurant. You loved barbequed food, but it was close to your wedding day, and you were dieting. Did he not remember?

"Thanks." You quietly say.

He hands you the drink that he picked out. It was not your favorite flavor of soda. Did he not know such a simple thing? Two things and two wrong choices.

Jamie's voice played in the back of your head. "He doesn't know you as I do."

You shake your head, trying to snap out of your daydreaming. "You know what? Go ahead and start without me. I need to go do something." You slip your shoes on. "I'll be back later."

His brow raises at you. "Is everything okay?"

You nod. "I just realized...this isn't working." You hurry out the door before he can ask you any questions. You send Jamie a text message. 'I'm coming over.'

When you arrive at his front door, you knock loudly and nervously wait. 'He's not going to answer,' You think. 'What am I doing here?' 'Why am I here?'

Honestly, you weren't sure why you came, but you knew you needed to talk to him. "Y/n?"

You turn around and are face to face with Jamie. His brows furrow, and he searches your eyes for answers.

"Hi." You quietly say, eyes falling to the ground; facing him seems embarrassing.

He doesn't say anything. He shifts the bag in his hand and unlocks the door. "Are you coming in?"

You bite your bottom lip and follow him. He sets his grocery bag on the counter and asks, "What's up?"

You feel your lips burning from how hard you're chewing on your lip. "I'm sorry." You admit. "I don't want to lose you, and I didn't want to admit it, but you're right. I broke things off." You turn to make a quick exit, "I just wanted to tell you. I'm sorry." Your hand lands on the doorknob, but Jamie's hand is on the door closing it before you can open it. You jump back, slightly startled.

"It's okay." He sighs. "I should've told you sooner. It's my fault, and I understand your reaction."

Swallowing hard, you watch his lips as he speaks. You feel nervous with him towering over you. Your back against the wall, and his hands lean against the wall on each side of you.

Your hands tremble, but you bravely bring them to his face and pull him to your lips. His arms drop from the wall and snake around your waist. 'What are you doing?'

His tongue traces your bottom lip, and you gladly open your mouth, allowing him what he wants. Your hands are entangled in his hair, and you slightly pull at his locks. He moans into your mouth, pushing you closer to the wall. Jamie's fingers find the bottom of your dress. Lifting it slightly, he wiggles his knee in between your legs.

"Fuck," You moan when his leg brushes against your heat. You lightly grind on him; your head flips back with pleasure. He moves your hair from your neck, leaving hungry kisses down your pale skin.

You sloppily unbutton his pants and pull them down along with his boxers. Love-sick eyes stare at you with lust as he pulls your underwear down. He briefly stays on his knees, kissing up your thighs. He forces your legs apart, and l gently opens your folds, placing his tongue on your bundle of nerves. He teasingly licks your clit; butterly float through your stomach, your breathing faster and your heart pounding violently against your chest.

"Jamie," You groan, "Fuck me."

He smiles against your skin and pulls your dress off your body as he regains his balance and exposes your breast. Completely naked, his eyes rake over your entire body. You shrink under his gaze, and as soon as he realizes, he says, "Don't do that."

He pulls his shirt off, grabs your hips, and pulls you to his body. "You look stunning." He softly picks you up with complete ease and balances your weight against the wall while adjusting, "Are you sure about this?" He nips at your neck.

"Yeah," You breathe heavily, "I want you."

Your breath leaves your lungs as he pushes his cock inside of you. Your arms wrap around his neck tightly to help hold your weight for him. "Fuck." You moan.

"You're so tight." He lets one of your legs down, thrusting deeper, your cunt clutching around him. You can't tell if you're in pain or pleasure. It seems equally pleasing. He softly pulls out, breathing heavily; he grabs both of your hands and leads you to his bedroom.

He leads you to the bed and forces you on your back; it only takes seconds before he crawls up your body. He bends your knees and brings his face in between your legs, fulfilling the urge of your soaking wet cunt. He wants to taste you, drink you, fuck you. Jamie waited a long time for this moment and would take his time with you enjoying every sound you made and every movement.

"Jamie." You moan, "Fuck. I need you inside of me."

He grips tighter on your legs, leaving fingerprint indents as he holds you. He's enjoying you squirming and twitching, begging for his cock inside you. Pulling his face away from your pretty pussy, he kisses the inside of your thigh and allows you to rest them for only a quick second.

Jamie adjusts himself; hovering over your body, he kisses your lips, his hand on each side of you.

Without hesitation, you bring your hand to his throbbing cock and softly stroke him. His eyes roll back, and he loudly moans. Bucking your hips at him, you gently guide him to your opening. "Please."

He doesn't budge; he wants you to use him. Annoyed, you wrap your legs around his waist and pull him to you. You push your hips to him, moaning loudly when his dick enters you. Hands run down his chest and grab onto his flexing biceps. He wraps his arms around your body and grinds against you giving you just enough friction to remain stimulated for him.

He pulls one of your legs over his shoulder and violently thrusts into your soaking-wet hole. "I don't know how long I can hold it, Love."

"Let me on top."

He refuses to pull out of you and pulls you onto his lap. He watches as you bounce up and down on him. Your head flings back as you continue you ride him. You feel a warmth in his stomach, nearly crying from how euphoric you feel. Chills run down your spine, and you hold him close to your body, burying his face in your breast. "I'm gonna," You moan. "Cum, fuck." Your body quivers, nails digging down his back. Your arms wrap around his neck, exhausted. You rest your head on his shoulder.

"Good girl." He moans in your ear, bringing you to lay on the bed; he lets you relax your body but spreads your legs and quickens his paces; you can see he's close, and you want him to cum. "Jamie, faster."

He moans, and his pace slows down; he holds himself inside you, completely melting. "Fuck. You're such a good girl. Letting me fuck you like this." He slowly pulls out of you, making you whimper when he collapses on your body. "Thank you." He kisses you, and you run your fingers through his hair. "God, that was good."

He gently lifts himself and rolls to the side of you. He sits up and leads you to the bathroom. He tosses you one of his shirts and a pair of boxers.

“Let’s shower, beautiful. We can watch a movie and order in tonight. Chinese?”

Jamie can't hide his smile as he casually walks down the wooden porch stairs. “You know, gloves are meant to go on your hands, darling.”

You shrug, turning your head to gaze upon him. You set the shovel beside you and dust off your hands. You bring your shoulder to your face and attempt to wipe the sweat from your forehead. Your numb legs feel relief when you plant your weight on your butt. “A little dirt won't kill me.”

Jamie can't help but admire you in your comfy sundress plastered with a beautiful pattern of rainbow sunflowers because you claimed the different colors would look fun.

He plops down beside you and runs his fingers through the grown-out grass. “I’ll mow tomorrow.”

You stretch your legs out and lean back on your hands. You tilt your head at the sky, enjoying the soft pinks and purples starting from the sunset. Smiling, you say, “I'm so glad we moved from the city.” You close your eyes and inhale the fresh air.

Jamie lights a cigarette, and as he's inhaling, one of your eyes opens. “Well, I guess that's enough fresh air for me.” You tease. “But really, you should quit. We’ll have children running around this backyard someday, and you can't go around poisoning them.”

He nods as he takes another pull from the nicotine stick. “I promise when that time comes, I’ll quit, Love.”

“Well, that should probably be your last one, then.” You sneakily smile.

His eyebrow raises, and at first, he doesn't understand. “What?”

You sit on your knees and rest your hands on his shoulders. Love in your eyes as you speak the words he'd been waiting for. “I’m pregnant.”

His mouth drops in surprise. Instantly he puts his cigarette out and engulfs you in a hug, nearly tackling you on the ground. He hovers over you; his arms flex while he tries to hold his body weight off you. “That's.” He says in between kisses, “Fantastic news.”

“Yes!” You bring your hand to his cheek, and your foreheads touch. “No more smoking.” You tell him.

Sitting in your car, you lean your head against your steering wheel. You close your eyes and try to convince yourself that this isn’t a big deal. Getting your blood drawn didn’t necessarily mean you were unhealthy, but lately, you’d felt tired and worn down. The last time This happened, your Vitamin D levels were barely at 25%, and your doctor scolded you. She was kind enough to prescribe you Vitamins that shot your levels back to where they needed to be.

You slowly lean back and close your eyes, tilting your head to the sky as if the universe would save you from this appointment. “Please, let them cancel it.”

Nervousness seeps into your already nauseous core. It would be best if you hadn’t come nearly thirty minutes early. It gave you too much time to contemplate leaving. You take in a deep breath and reach your hand in your pocket. It would help if you asked Jamie to come while you two were at home, but part of you wanted to prove you could overcome this fear by yourself.

The phone rings a few times before Jamie answers; when you hear his voice, your nerves begin to calm. “So I’m sitting in the parking lot debating on leaving.”

“Would you like it if I was there?” He pauses to let you decide. He didn’t want to intrude since he knew that you were trying to do this on your own.

Tears blur your line of vision, “Please.” You whimper.

“Let me get my shoes on, and I’ll be on my way. Do you want me to stay on the phone?”

You shake your head, “No. That’s ok. Thank you.”

“I’ll be there soon, love.”

You click end call and lightly toss your phone onto the passenger seat. You rest your head on the steering wheel, feeling disappointed in yourself now that you’ve had to ask your boyfriend to come “save” you once again. A soft sob escapes your lips. You knew that Jamie didn’t mind, but you still felt terrible.

A light knock on your window drags you from your thoughts of negativity. You turn your head to see Jamie smiling back at you. Unlocking the door for him couldn’t have happened fast enough. He sits in the passenger seat, his eyes full of empathy as he weakly smiles. He rests his hand on your leg and leans over as if he’s going to tell you a secret. “Hey,” He coos. “It’s ok to be afraid. We’ll get through this, my love. We always get through tough things. Right?”

You nod. “I know; I just wish I didn’t have to do this.”

He pushes his hair behind his ears. His eyes drift to the building. “We’ll be in and out; come on.” He gets out of the car and softly jogs to your side. He opens the door and holds his hand out for you to take. “Have I ever led you to danger?” He asks.

You shake your head, “No.” you take his hand and hop out of your car.

Jamie’s arms safely wrap around you. He squeezes tightly, “You can do this.” He kisses the top of your head.

You pull away and lace your fingers with his. You feel ten times better with Jamie by your side. He opens the door, and the two of you check in for your appointment and find a place to sit.

When the nurse calls you up, Jamie asks if you’d like him to stay seated or come with you. You don’t have to say anything. He can tell by the look on your face that you need him.

He quickly stands and walks with you and the nurse to the back room, where the phlebotomist will draw your blood. The veils laid out before you make you want to vomit. Your grip on Jamie’s hand tightens as you sit in the chair. You must let go of his hand for the poor lady to do her job. She begins with the tie right below your bicep. “This won’t take long.” She says.

Jamie stands beside you on your right side with his hand on your shoulder. “Look,” He crouches down to you. “Focus on me, love.”

You do as you’re told and continue to listen to Jamie’s voice as he tells you the plans for the rest of the day and what your reward will be for being so brave. You feel like a small child in this situation being coached by your parent, but you need it. You feel a light prick in your arm, and before you can react badly to the needle, the woman is placing gauze on your arm and taping you up. “All done.” She says.

“That was fast.” You laugh at yourself for feeling that afraid of getting your blood drawn. “Can we go?” You ask.

She nods. “We’ll call you with what we find.”

Jamie Leads you down the hallway. He walks you to your car and allows you to get in. He gently lifts your chin and says, “You’re so brave.” You smile at him. He really did know how to make you feel good about yourself. “I’ll see you at home, ok?”

“Thank you for coming.” You reach up for a kiss, and he gladly takes the hint. “See you soon.”