can we talk about Jay's vanity for a second? because I think it is such a fantastic insight into the way Jay sees himself and his value in relation to other people. Like here's this incredibly handsome, insanely talented pianist who instantly melts at the very first hint of a compliment from his best friend - the guy Jay lives with, sees all the time, knows practically worships the ground Jay walks on, and centers his entire life around providing an environment Jay will never be able to leave. I mean, in a lot of cases compliments would be basically just expected and almost even disregarded as meaningless in a dynamic like that but no, Jay lights up every single time like he's a drug addict getting a fix.
I think in a lot of ways Jay never really formed much of an idea of himself, of who he is or what he likes or what people value about him, outside of just being good at the piano and being physically attractive. Like the only things we know about his mom (and we know nothing at all of his dad btw) are that she makes him feel guilty for wanting to play videogames, has imbued him with a lot of her neurotic tendencies, and tha, teven though he's an unreliable narrator, Matt alleges that she would rather see him than Jay. I just don't think Jay really understands that he's worth anything to anyone outside of his musical ability and his good looks. I'd even go as far as to say I don't even think he really believes Matt values him outside of those things either, which is why he literally gags for Matt's compliments and praise every single time - they're sort of the only things that validate his existence!
When Jay goes to that party on his own he is completely lost. No one is impressed by him, no one wants to talk to him at all, no one validates him until Matt comes along disguised as Tony to convince him and the other guests that Jay's a real person with genuinely admirable traits. I don't think Jay has the ability to see himself outside of Matt's lens, I mean...he literally was missing one of his senses before he met Matt and he took the noise cancelling headphones off his ears. I think in a lot of ways Jay basically sees himself as an empty vessel to be filled by someone who can animate him into something shiny and pretty and desirable, which is exactly what Matt does for him. If left to his own devices I think he knows he would devolve into complete inaction and laziness, things his mother despises about him btw. He needs that external motivation but lacks the resolve and qualities that would allow him to earn it from any source other than the endless stream of praise and compliments Matt always has available on for him on tap. so on a lot of levels it is like "oh haha Jay is so vain, he needs compliments from the weird man obsessed with him to survive" but on another it's just like....oof lol.
