love yourself.

➳Teaser: the first time he sees you (1.7k)

Just give her the fucking NDA so we can go back to partying.

➳Chapter one: when you meet Jeon Jungkook (8.1k)

I didn't expect him to be rude.

➳Chapter two: when your paths cross again (12.4k)

You're not still thinking she'll start rumors?

➳Chapter three: when you go to the same afterparty (12.4k)

I was in love with you as a teenager.

➳Chapter four: when you and Jeon Jungkook clash (11.7k)

Some people just don't get along, and that's okay.

➳Chapter five: when he starts texting you (10.8k)

Goddamn. Jeon Jungkook.

➳Chapter six: when you go to his concert (14.8k)

I just wouldn't get attached if I were you.

➳Chapter seven: when you spend a day with him (10.1k)

So you're not denying it?

➳Chapter eight: when you witness love breaking and blooming (8.5k)

Just friends, huh?

➳Chapter nine: when you find out how hard goodbyes are (13.1k)

What am I doing here then, Jungkook?

➳Chapter ten: when you break (12.9k)

You lied like it was nothing.

➳Chapter eleven: when you wake up (10.3k)

Leave.

➳Chapter twelve: when you let go (12k)

But I promise I will heal, and I really want you to heal, too.

➳Chapter thirteen: when you meet again in Okinawa (15.8k)

Heartbreak is one of the most universal things there is.

➳Chapter fourteen: when you go back to Seoul (15k)

I've been thinking about you a lot.

➳Chapter fifteen: when you give each other a second chance (9.3k)

Love doesn't come without risk, ever.

➳Chapter sixteen: when you love him, and he loves you too (11.2k)

You're the love of my life.

☆☆☆☆☆

☆☆☆☆☆

Thursday, August 7th

Jungkook hasn’t been in such a good mood in months. No, his good moods usually never linger around, but he’s been feeling like he’s on cloud nine for weeks now.

Ever since their last concert, and the time he got to spend with you. Which isn’t too much of it, as he’s been busy with rehearsals for their upcoming tour along with filming for music videos, but he still made time for you at least once a week.

He’d want more, always, but his schedule doesn’t really allow it. So instead, he enjoys the rare moments he gets with you, and keeps them tucked close to his heart whenever you’re apart. They’re little pearls of time, precious moments he knows he’ll never want to forget.

He hasn’t watched Sara stream in the last three weeks. Hasn’t really even thought about her at all, choosing to Facetime you instead when he has a short break in his day. You always pick up with a smile on your face and bright eyes that make being busy annoying, but also so worth it.

“Let’s run that one again,” the director of the music video says, snapping him out of his thoughts.

He blinks back to reality, the lights of the set almost blinding where he’s standing, and he gives a quick nod to the director, though it goes unnoticed as he’s already instructing Jimin and Taehyung as to what he wants them to do.

“The rest of you, just do the same thing,” the director then yells, and he returns behind the camera as the crew repositions themselves for filming to resume.

They’re filming a scene for the music video, the only one in which they’re actually playing their respective instruments. The rest of the music video is more of a story telling how they made it through the military service and the time they spent apart from each other, and Jungkook already knows that the fans will love it.

In truth, he thinks the fans will love the new album a lot more than they loved what they put out in the past. Maybe because their music has grown in time with the fans, and the subjects they now speak of are more mature, things that adults can relate to more than teenagers.

The director does the countdown to resume filming, and the track of the song blasts from the speakers around the makeshift scene. They start playing again, the camera focusing more on Jimin and Taehyung, yet Jungkook gives his all in the back, much like he always does lately.

You’ve given him an infinite well of energy, and it shows in everything they do. He’s always the first one there and the last one to leave, if only because he wants to impress you. Wants you to remember the days of being a fan of the group, if only because he wants you to love the music as much as he does.

He wants you in every aspect of his life, and though it should be scary, he thinks it’s the sweetest thing ever. For years, he’s stopped himself from building something with someone else in fear that Sara would come back, which she always did, but now he knows he’d tell her to leave if she tried to come back.

Hell, he’s never replied to the message she sent him after their concert, and she hasn’t reached out again, so he doubts she’ll ever come back anyway. He’s finally free of her, and now all he has to do is enjoy you.

He’s seeing you tomorrow. They have two days off before returning to rehearsals on Sunday, and though you’re busy until the early evening, he’ll get to see you tomorrow night, and then you’ll spend Saturday together.

He really can’t fucking wait.

They end up redoing the scene seven more times after that take, the director wanting to film each of them individually, too, as to have tiny tidbits of all of them sprinkled through the big thing. It could be annoying, exhausting even, yet Jungkook feels excited as they do so, if only because he knows they have a break after, and he’ll text you to ask about how your meeting with your editor went.

Apparently, they asked you to rewrite the ending of the book, and you seemed extremely bummed about it the last time you mentioned it. But Jungkook encouraged you, and he knows you’ve been working hard at it over the last two weeks.

“Cut!” the director finally yells, ending the final tape they needed, and Jungkook gets up, stretching. 

A set assistant walks out with water bottles she hands to all of them, and Jungkook grabs his with a smile on his lips, drinking deeply as she moves along to Yoongi and Namjoon. He’s chugged half of it when Taehyung swears loudly, almost making him choke.

“What’s wrong with you?” Jimin asks Taehyung, who just throws his water bottle on the floor, storming away.

Jimin meets Jungkook’s gaze as an awkward atmosphere fills the set, and Jungkook winces, before running after his friend. 

Taehyung is halfway to the dressing room when Jungkook catches up to him. Taehyung’s on his phone, eyes cast downwards to look at the screen, and Jungkook spies the name of Jennie at the top of the conversation Taehyung is looking at.

They’ve been having a rocky few days, some ghosts from their past haunting them – Jennie, asking Taehyung for more attention as she feels left out of his life and Taehyung, asking for space to concentrate on their busy schedule.

It’s always been an issue between the two of them, Taehyung never being the best at balancing work and personal life. They used to get in arguments about it all the time before Taehyung broke up the week before he enlisted, but Jungkook reckons the issue caught up to them regardless.

“You good?” Jungkook hesitantly asks as they reach the dressing room.

Taehyung simply scoffs, not bothering to say anything, and he walks into the room, closing the door in Jungkook’s face.

Not one to be deterred by his friend’s shitty mood, Jungkook walks in, leaving the door wide open as he folds his arms on his chest. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Jungkook asks.  

“Nothing,” Taehyung replies, his tone clipped.

Jungkook cocks an eyebrow in disbelief, leaning against the door frame. “Got in an argument with Jennie again?”

“Again?” Taehyung repeats, and then he scoffs. “So she’s talked to you already?”

It sounds like an accusation, and Jungkook just remains silent as he stares down his friend. Taehyung turns around, cursing under his breath, and he pulls on a chair before sitting on it.

“You really need to choose who your friend’s with here.”

“We’re adults, Tae,” Jungkook carefully says. “Let’s act like it.”

It clearly was the wrong thing to say, because Taehyung gets up, stalking towards Jungkook. “What the fuck did you just tell me?”

For a moment, Jungkook is afraid Taehyung will punch him, and so he chooses to remain silent, just holding his friend’s gaze. That seems to work better, as Taehyung shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath.

“Shit, sorry,” Taehyung apologizes. “I just can’t believe we’re fighting over this again.”

He looks around, and then sighs deeply, returning to the chair where he sat before. Jungkook follows him, sitting on the chair next to it, and he just looks at his friend’s profile as he’s looking at his phone.

“I don’t know what to tell her anymore,” Taehyung finally says a minute later, sounding far too defeated. “I feel like I’ll never be good enough for her.”

Jungkook’s brows knit together, confusion sweeping through him. “What do you mean?”

Taehyung meets his gaze. “She always wants more. Feels like who I am right now is not enough.”

Jungkook pulls at his piercings, tilting his head to the side. “Before I say anything, I’ll say that she in fact has not talked to me.”

But she talked to you, and you talked to him, but Taehyung doesn’t need to know that.

“So I don’t know if what I’ll say is fully accurate, but I think she just wants you to make the effort to see her more.”

“I did when I had time!” Taehyung scoffs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You know how fucking busy we’ve been these last weeks. I don’t have time to hang out.”

“We’re off tomorrow,” Jungkook points out. “Have you planned to see her?”

Taehyung shuts his eyes, rolling his shoulders. “I have a shooting for a commercial tomorrow.”

Shit.

“But I said I’d go to hers and bring take out after.”

“That’s good,” Jungkook says encouragingly. “Why are you upset, then?”

“She said she’s busy. And that she wants to see each other on Saturday instead, but I’m supposed to hang out with the Wooga guys.”

Jungkook tenses, because the Wooga guys include Park Seojoon, Sara’s now boyfriend. Taehyung completely misses his discomfort, clearly too deep in his own.

“Should they uh… really be a priority right now?”

The affronted look Taehyung throws his way makes Jungkook want to disappear through the floor. “Listen, I know you don’t like Seojoon because of Sara, but they’re still my close friends.”

Jungkook raises his hands in defense. “That is not what I meant.”

“Whatever.” There’s a tense silence, and then Taehyung sighs again. “I told her it’s tomorrow night or nothing, and she sent me a paragraph to complain about how I don’t prioritize her.”

He doesn’t. In Jungkook’s honest opinion, Taehyung does not prioritize Jennie at all, but he doesn’t know how to communicate that to his friend without it becoming an argument.

Namjoon would be better at this than he is.

“Well then…” Jungkook trails off, not knowing what to say. “I could try to talk to her.”

“And tell her what?”

Jungkook shrugs, glancing behind himself as he hears the scuffing of shoes by the door. It’s Jimin and Hoseok, who both look like they were ready to fight if needed.

“That you love her,” Jungkook simply replies. “And that you both are flawed, but if you got together again, it means you can overcome hurdles together. Just gotta compromise.”

“Exactly what I said earlier,” Jimin pipes in. “Just plan something elaborate next weekend, and go sleep over during the week. Doesn’t she live closer anyway?”

Taehyung remains silent for a few seconds, before muttering, “She does.”

“Then it’s easy,” Jimin adds. “Tell her you can go sleep at hers next week and that you’re taking her out on a date on Saturday.”

Taehyung does not look like he wants to do that, yet he gives a curt nod. “Okay.”

Jimin and Jungkook exchange a look, both sensing that Taehyung is probably not going to do that at all, but before they can say anything, Namjoon appears in the door frame.

“We’re going to get samgyeopsal.” 

It probably was meant to be an invitation, but Namjoon doesn’t say anything else, just knocking on the door frame once before turning back the way he came. They all follow him out of the dressing room, from the instincts of the years when Namjoon would order them around as the leader of the group – even though he’s the oldest, Seokjin never really wanted to lead.

And though he tries to talk to his older friend again as they’re finishing to eat some time later, Taehyung leaves before Jungkook has a chance to. 

It stresses Jungkook out more than it should.

Friday, August 8th

You want to bash your head in the wall. In truth, you want to jump out the window – not actually, just as an euphemism. But if you have to write a single other sentence for this book…

You can’t seem to make the end of the book work again. You feel like it worked perfectly well as it was, but apparently it didn’t. The editor didn’t like that the mob boss died. Said it was lazy writing, that he should not sacrifice himself for the main character. But it just made sense – he wasn’t directly involved in the main character’s father’s death, but he felt responsible for it. And now you don’t know how to end it anymore. The book’s themes feel too dark to have it end with the main character and the mob boss falling in love.

But they did. It sort of happened on its own, when they were at a poker game where you revealed that the police officer was actually involved with a ring of criminals unrelated to the mob boss. They were the ones to eliminate her father when he got too close to finding out the truth about them after the mob boss sent him on their trail. The poker game ended in a shooting where the mob boss protects the main character, getting shot in the shoulder by the police officer.

Which led to them falling in love. They fell in love as she stitched the wound for him, and you think it was always meant to end that way. She was always meant to fall in love with the dark man and his sleeve of tattoos…

But, the editor does not want him dead. So you can’t kill him, and you don’t know how to keep him alive. Because the police officer and his goons storm the mob boss’s house at an auction dinner, and the chaos that ensues leads to him jumping in front of the main character to protect her from getting killed by the police officer.

Or maybe… Maybe he could still jump in front of her. Maybe he could protect her and get injured without dying. It might feel redundant as he’s done it already, but it could become something the main character teases him about.

She could tease him about how he’s always catching bullets for her. How he should learn to have a survival instinct, and he could tell her that his only instinct is towards her. That he doesn’t care if he lives or dies, as long as he gets to be with her when the end comes.

It’s romantic. You know you’ll have to figure out the conversation more for it to flow naturally, but it’s a start. So you get to work, rewriting the scene from the moment the police officer and his men burst into the ballroom of the house. It’s packed with action, with shorter sentences to make the readers feel out of breath, like they’re in the middle of the action too…

When the mob boss is bleeding out on the floor, your fingers pause, hovering over the keyboard of your laptop. And then you laugh. You laugh, because you know what should happen. It’s so clear now, like you should have figured it out earlier…

The main character picks up the mob boss’s pistol. Takes aim at the police officer, who raises his hands and tells her, "Sweetheart, you don’t want to do this”. But she does. Oh, she really does, and she shoots him right between the eyes, killing him with no regrets.

And then she’s with the mob boss, pressing a hand on his wound, and he tells her she’s his angel. She kisses him in the chaos surrounding them, and then his second helps to carry him out. They go down a dusty staircase usually used by the staff of the house, and they escape through the night.

You finish the chapter, sitting back in your chair as you fold your arms on your chest. You reread it, feeling satisfied enough that you send it to your agent to see what she thinks, and if she agrees with this direction. Mostly, to ask if she believes you should keep going, or if the editor will once more call your writing lazy.

Once the email is crafted and sent, you finally allow yourself to go upstairs, where you left your phone so you wouldn’t be distracted while you write. And you know you would have had reasons to be distracted – Jungkook is off today, and he said he’d send you pictures of him working out.

He’s done that a bunch over the last few weeks, and it’s been driving you insane in all the best ways possible. Almost as much as the moments you got to spend with him, where he showed you just how much he knows how to touch you already.

It’s insane. You’ve never had a connection with anyone like this before, like it’s more natural than the wind and the rain and the sky, yet being with Jungkook, laying with him, feels more natural than all those things combined.

You sit on your mattress as you get upstairs, reaching for your phone on the other side of it. It was face down, volume off to make sure it wouldn’t disturb your writing and you grab it, turning it in your hand to take a look at the screen. Your heart drops in your chest as you see you have five missed calls from Jennie, along with a dozen of messages.

Jungkook texted you, too, but you ignore his messages in favour of opening the conversation thread with Jennie.

[2:34 pm] Jennie✨: babe [2:34 pm] Jennie✨: tae said he needs a break [2:35 pm] Jennie✨ i can’t believe this shit

You quickly read through the other messages, all of them growing increasingly more desperate and sad. She’s freaking out, visibly so, and your heart breaks in your chest for her. So you call her, but she sends you right to voicemail, though a text message comes in almost instantly.

[4:45 pm] Jennie✨: am crying [4:46 pm] Jennie✨: can’t believe i lost him again [4:46 pm] You: are you at home?

It takes a moment for Jennie to reply, and you’re already grabbing a raincoat and an umbrella from the closet by the door when her reply comes in.

[4:50 pm] Jennie✨: yes [4:51 pm] You: omw

*****

Jennie is a mess. She’s been a mess, sobbing in your arms for the better part of the last hour while Jungkook and Mingyu have just been sitting there like they’re going through a nightmare. 

You didn’t know Jungkook was here. But Jennie admitted that she called Mingyu when you didn’t pick up, and Jungkook and Mingyu were together, so they both came to the rescue. You reckon they seem like they’ve been doing a shit job at cheering her up, but they’re men.

Men suck with emotions.

“He just said he needs to think about it all,” Jennie says for what feels like the hundredth time. “Again. He always does this shit.”

“And you always go back to him.” Mingyu’s words earn him a glare from you and a punch in the shoulder from Jungkook. “What! It’s true.”

“I thought he would have changed after the military,” Jennie says, glaring at him through her red eyes and swollen nose. 

“He’s been stressed”, Jungkook says, which only makes Jennie glare at him, too. “He’s shutting me out too.”

“But not his stupid friends.” Jennie sniffs, glancing at her phone as it lights up. 

It’s not a message from Taehyung. You know it because she visibly deflates, and a rush of fresh tears roll down her cheeks.

“Bet he’s with them right now,” she adds. “Laughing and shit when he fucking broke my heart again.”

“Babe…” you let out, grabbing a tissue from the box sitting between the two of you. You dab her cheeks, and she just starts crying harder the second your gazes meet, so you pull her in again, letting her cry on your shoulder. “Deep breaths,” you gently say as you rub her back.

Mingyu says something behind you in Korean – you recognize the words for ice cream – and Jungkook replies in the affirmative.

“I’ll be back,” Mingyu then says, and you glance at him.

He offers you a weak smile, and then he leaves, disappearing down the hallway that leads to the front door of Jennie’s spacious condo. You return your attention to Jennie, who takes a shuddering breath in before leaning back from the hug so she can lean on the backrest of the couch instead, looking at you.

“I don’t feel like eating ice cream,” she tells you, like you’re the one that suggested it.

“He’s just trying to help,” you gently say, and you meet Jungkook’s gaze quickly. “Is there something you’d rather have?”

“A baseball bat,” she grumbles. “So I can beat some sense into Taehyung.”

“Woah,” Jungkook lets out. “Let’s not resort to violence here.”

“Let’s throw eggs on his house,” Jennie adds, ignoring Jungkook. “I could slash his fucking tires.”

You snort. “Period. I’ll help.”

Jungkook sighs, before weakly saying, “I’ll drive you guys.”

That earns a smile from Jennie, and you look at it like it’s a rainbow after the worst storm of the century. 

“He’ll kill you,” Jennie says.

Jungkook shrugs. “He can try.”

She snorts, before sighing loudly. And then she looks between the two of you, and her eyes grow silver again. “To think y’all are dating when I’m getting dumped.”

She’s crying again, and you put a hand on her forearm, squeezing softly.

“Hey, hey, he just asked for a break, he didn’t break up.” You meet Jungkook’s big doe eyes after the words leave your mouth, and you wet your lips. “And Jungkook and I are just friends. Nothing more.”

It hurts him. He recoils, immediately frowning, his big eyes narrowing to unhappy slits. But then you nod your head towards Jennie, trying to communicate with your eyes what you can’t say in front of her.

Jungkook doesn’t seem like he understands for a few seconds, but then his face lights up with comprehension, and he says, “Yeah, we’re just friends.”

Jennie deflates even more. “I want you guys to like each other.”

She’s pouting, and you chuckle at the sight. “Friends like each other.”

She remains silent, just taking a deep breath as she grabs a tissue to wipe her cheeks once more. She throws it on the pile of used tissues on the floor, and you glance at Jungkook again.

He looks pensive, eyes downcast, and he doesn’t look up to meet your gaze. You hope he’s not upset with your words, and that he understood you were just trying not to upset Jennie. 

The last thing she needs right now is you two rubbing in her face how you’ve been standing in front of a blooming relationship.

At least that’s what you think it is. It surely feels like it, and though you’re still wary about Jungkook not being over his ex, he hasn’t mentioned her since that day after the concert. And the praises he reserves for you whenever he’s balls deep in you…

You feel your cheeks burning, and you push the thought away, clearing your throat. 

“Can we watch Mean Girls?” Jennie asks.

Right as she says the words, you hear the front door unlocking, and Mingyu strolls into the living room a few seconds later with a tub of ice cream in a seethrough plastic bag.

“I got the goods,” he says proudly.

Jennie sighs, and then motions towards the kitchen. “Go get bowls.”

He does so, and you hear him looking through drawers and cupboards for a few seconds before he returns. Meanwhile, Jungkook busies himself with setting up the movie, and soon enough, the four of you sit together on the floor in front of the couch so that you can eat while watching.

You’re halfway through when the front door bell rings, and Jennie throws a look in that direction, frowning as she pauses the movie. 

“Did you invite someone else?” she asks.

You shake your head no, both the guys replying in the negative, too.

“Weird,” she lets out.

“I’ll get it,” Jungkook quickly says, and he gets up from where he was sitting next to you, jogging to the front door.

You all listen, looking in the direction he went, and Jennie jumps to her feet when a baritone voice is heard.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

It’s Taehyung asking, and Jennie runs out of the living room. You and Mingyu both get up to follow her, though you stop when you can see the door.

Jennie has her arms thrown around Taehyung’s neck, and he’s holding a bouquet of red roses while Jungkook stands to the side, visibly trying to avoid the glare Taehyung is throwing his way.

Taehyung’s gaze shifts to you, and the daggers lessen as he catches sight of you.

“We were just hanging out,” Jungkook replies then, motioning over his shoulder at you and Mingyu. 

Taehyung hands him the bouquet, and Jungkook grabs it, throwing you a confused look. And then Taehyung is pushing Jennie back until he can close the door behind himself before he wraps his arm around her waist, hiding his face in her neck.

You wave Jungkook over, but he just stupidly stands there for a moment, until Mingyu says his name in a hushed whisper that still cuts through the air. Jungkook startles, and then he turns and walks over to you guys.

“What sh–” he starts, but you put a finger on your mouth to tell him to shut up before grabbing his arm and Mingyu’s arm, pulling them towards the kitchen. 

And then, thinking better of it, you push them out on the balcony. You follow them, closing the sliding door behind you, and the two men look at you as you turn around.

“Let’s just give them space,” you explain.

“It’s raining,” Mingyu deadpans.

It is. But the balcony is large, and there’s a small roof over part of it that allows you to remain dry. 

“We’re okay,” you say, and you glance at Jungkook who’s just looking at the bouquet of roses in his hands.

“He brought her flowers,” he says, and he lets out a small, disbelieving chuckle. “Taehyung fucking brought her flowers.”

He looks up, smiling, to see you and Mingyu looking at him with your brows furrowed in confusion. 

“He’s never brought her flowers before,” Jungkook explains. “Guess he figured out he’s a dick.”

“Flowers don’t excuse his fuck ass behaviour,” Mingyu says. “She deserves better.”

“He’ll be better,” Jungkook replies with such quiet conviction that you immediately believe him.

They’re practically brothers, after all. If anyone would know, it’s him.

“Still don’t trust him,” Mingyu says with a slight shake of his head. “Why would he ask for a break and then show up here with flowers a few hours later?”

“He probably realized he was wrong and decided to apologize before it was too late,” you guess. “Which is a good thing.”

“Well, define a good thing. We’re stuck on a balcony in the rain,” Mingyu grumbles. You laugh in time with Jungkook, and Mingyu just looks between the two of you before leaning his head back, looking towards the sky. “I guess there are worse things in life than this.”

“Definitely,” you say.

There are. There are a lot of worse things in life than your friend not actually getting her heart broken today. Relief washes over you, and you really, really hope Jungkook is right. Because Jennie deserves happiness, always, and you know she won’t want it if it doesn’t come from Taehyung.

She loves him too much.

The sliding door opens, and you turn to see Jennie standing there. You spy Taehyung a few steps behind her, his hands in his pockets, and he meets your gaze for barely a second before looking away.

“What are you guys doing out here?” she asks.

“Y/n thought it was best to give you space,” Mingyu explains.

Jennie laughs, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “Well, thanks for that, bubs. But you guys can come in.”

You do so, and there’s an awkward silence while the five of you exchange a look, until you figure someone should say something. So you clear your throat, and say, “Are you okay?”

Jennie gives you a small smile. “I will be.” She looks at Taehyung, and then adds, “Did you guys want to finish the movie?”

“I think I’ll head home,” Mingyu says, scratching the back of his neck. “But I’m glad you’re feeling better.” He then walks closer to Taehyung, and says, “If you hurt her again, I think I’ll kill you.”

“Mingyu!” Jennie bursts out.

He looks over his shoulder, winking at her, and then he walks away. Taehyung remains silent, though you’re pretty sure he clenched his jaw. He takes a deep breath, and then says, “I deserved that.”

“You did,” Jungkook agrees, and he hands the flowers to Jennie. “If you don’t mind, I think Y/n and I will go, too.”

Jennie smiles, looking between the two of you. “Leaving together, I see.”

“We’re neighbours,” you remind her as you narrow your gaze at her, but she ignores it, turning around to grab a vase in a cupboard to put her flowers in. 

“I’ll see you at rehearsals on Sunday,” Jungkook tells Taehyung, and he taps his friend on the shoulder.

Taehyung nods and then speaks in Korean. “Yeah. Thank you for the message you sent, by the way. You opened my eyes.”

At least you think that’s what he said with your limited Korean knowledge, though you reckon you’ve been getting a lot better in the last few months after hanging out with all of them for so long.

“Of course, bro,” Jungkook replies, and then he looks over his shoulder to meet your gaze. “You coming?”

“Yes,” you say, but you quickly jog to Jennie, pulling her into a hug. “You need to tell me everything tomorrow,” you tell her in a whisper.

She nods her head. “Will do. Thank you for today.”

“Anytime, girl.” You hug her again. “Love you.”

“Love you too.”

*****

Jungkook taps his finger on the wheel in time with the beat of the music, the windshield wiper swiping across the windshield in a quick flurry. It’s hypnotizing, especially as you’re stuck in traffic, and you’ve been silent for most of the ride, looking outside the passenger window.

He glances at you, and you haven’t moved from your position. From this angle, all he sees is your profile, though you turn your head as you sense his gaze on you.

“Everything okay?” Jungkook asks before returning his attention to the world outside as the car in front of you move. 

“Yeah”, you let out, and you wet your lips before adding, “You think Taehyung and Jennie will be okay?”

Of course you’d be worried for Jennie. Despite the fact you haven’t been friends for a long time, Jungkook can tell you have grown extremely close to Jennie. Enough so that she chose to call you today, and not Rosé or Lisa. 

“I think so,” Jungkook says as he presses his foot on the accelerator, and the car inches forward, slowly, to make sure he doesn’t bump into the car in front. “He would have never come over if he didn’t mean to make it work.”

“Are you sure about that?” you ask.

Jungkook casts you a quick glance. “I am.”

You nod, worrying at your bottom lip as you too look in front of you. The car you’re stuck behind is looking to turn to the left, and Jungkook makes sure there’s no one in his right blind spot before he switches lanes to pass the car.

“What did you tell him anyway?” 

Jungkook raises his eyebrows, surprised you understood that as Taehyung did not speak in English. “I told him she would never take him back. That she knows her worth and deserves better than that.”

“You did?” you let out. “Didn’t you say Taehyung is stubborn?”

Jungkook chuckles. “You remember that?” He mentioned it once the last time you hung out, when you mentioned Jennie’s worries about Taehyung being distant. “He really is. But he loves her. He’s stupid about it, but I know he loves her.” He falls silent as they finally are able to roll down the street, traffic seeming to lessen out of nowhere. “He was depressed the whole time they were broken up.”

Your eyes tickle his profile, and Jungkook quickly glances at you before resuming his attention on the street.

“He was?”

Jungkook nods with a sigh. “It was a lot,” he admits. “But he’s been doing so much better now that they’re back together. He just took her for granted.”

“He did,” you agree. “Hopefully he won’t anymore.”

“Don’t think he will.”

You don’t say anything to that, and a new song starts on the radio, one Jungkook knows you love from hearing you humming it a couple of times. He turns the volume up, and you start bobbing your head along to the beat, a smile splitting your face open.

It’s like his heart expands in his chest at the sight, with warmth and softness and something just a tad scary, and he can’t help the smile that grows on his lips too. It remains there for the whole duration of the song, even when you start singing just a little off key.

He laughs then, and you glare at him, but then you’re taken by the bridge of the song, and Jungkook can’t help but sing with you. At that you’re smiling again, eyes shining and fuck, Jungkook wonders if he’ll ever forget this moment. It seems so simple, yet… Yet you look so happy, careless, and there’s a gentle aura around you that feels like the glow of the sun. You’re glowing, shining from within, a fallen star he has the chance to see in the flesh.

And though you sing just a little off key, there’s something raw about it, an authentic quality to your voice that few people could reproduce. He’d listen to you sing all day, even if he knows you get insecure when you realize he’s listening.

Indeed, every time you’ve sung in front of him before, you end up turning deep crimson and telling him to stop looking at you. He just can’t help himself – you’re so damn beautiful.

You finally reach the boulevard by your place, and Jungkook drives past your building, heading to his house instead. It doesn’t take too long until you get there, another song playing on the radio that you seem to enjoy just as much as the other.

With the torrential rain, the street outside his house is thankfully empty, and Jungkook is able to pull into the tunnel that leads to his underground parking without anyone looking his way, or running away. It’s such a relief he feels the tension lifting from his shoulders, and he’s able to breathe better as he closes the garage door behind the car while you’re going down the ramp. 

Soon enough, he parks his car in the usual spot, and you both get out, heading towards the staircase.

But Jungkook doesn’t let you get to it. No, he’s been dying to kiss you since you got to Jennie’s place, so he grabs your wrist, spinning you around into his arms. He catches you, one arm going around your waist while his other reaches up, his hand grabbing the back of your neck to pull you into a kiss. 

You don’t resist, as if you expected the kiss, and your lips part open on a soft inhale as his mouth finds yours. He takes the opportunity to gently tease your tongue with his, your hands grabbing at his oversized shirt to pull him closer, and he sighs against your lips.

You taste sweet. Sweet and soft and everything in between. And he kisses you languidly, letting your taste fill his mouth, dizzying his head. Mind spinning with you, Jungkook pulls away just enough to rest his forehead against yours, and he takes a breath.

“Just friends, huh?” he lets out.

You chuckle. “You know I just said that because I didn’t want to upset Jennie.”

He doesn’t reply anything to that, instead pressing another kiss on the pillowy softness of your mouth, and you’re quick to deepen it, tilting your head to the side as one of your hands gets lost in the hair at the back of his head, pulling just enough for him to feel a shot of desire going down his spine.

He likes when you pull his hair. Likes when you dig your nails in the skin of his back, or when you nip at his neck. He likes the gentle pain that comes with it, as it mixes with pleasure. He’s always been like this, but it’s heightened with you. 

He’s aware of you in ways he barely comprehends, and he doubts he’s supposed to understand. Instead, he just enjoys it, lets it be. It’s easy – you’re starting to become the oxygen in his lungs, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

He pulls away again, his breath shorter this time, a little ragged as he whispers your name. You say his back in that soft, breathy voice of yours that makes him crave your body against his, under his, and Jungkook is back on your mouth, though it’s fiercer this time.

There’s far too much desire in his bloodstream now for him to be able to hold back. Not when he held back all evening, even as he sat next to you during the movie. The faint smell of your perfume was making him feel lightheaded, but it’s nothing compared to the spinning in his mind now that he gets to touch you, to taste you.

You’re his favourite drug. He gets drunk on you, on the way your lips move against his, as his hands lift your shirt just enough to slip underneath so that he can feel the warmth of your skin in his palms. It’s inebriating, and fuck he’ll never get enough of it.

He’ll never get enough of you and of how a single kiss of yours feels like he’s been struck by lightning. He’ll never get enough of how your hands on him make him feel like a star about to burst, a supernova waiting to happen. He’s so energized in your presence he thinks sleep becomes futile.

But maybe that’s just because he wants to fuck you all night long. He’s so greedy when it comes to you – all he can do is hope his greed won’t become his downfall. 

“Jungkook,” you breathe out again as he pulls away, and you tilt your head to the side, his lips coasting at the side of your throat.

“Y/n,” he says in the same tone.

You curse, and he knows he needs you right now. Knows there’s no chance he’ll make it all the way to his bedroom, yet he still bends down to pick you up. You let out a startled yelp, yet wrap your arms around his neck quickly. 

He walks upstairs, pushing the door open with his back so he can carry you to the couch. It’s dark, only the motion sensor light by the garage door lit up, and he gently sets you down before grabbing his phone to quickly turn on the lights by the bar.

He wants to see you. Needs to see you as he takes you. 

He looks down at you, at the way your hair is like a halo on the couch under you. You’re breathing heavily as your gazes connect, and Jungkook takes his shirt off, throwing it on the floor. He doesn’t even check to see where it lands, too busy contemplating you as he climbs on top of you to find your mouth again.

Your swollen lips taste just as heavenly as they did downstairs, and he feels his dick straining against the fabric of his pants. He shifts, inadvertently rubbing against you as he does so, and he groans in your mouth. It unleashes you, your hand going between the two of you so you can cup him.

“You’re already so hard,” you say with a gasp of surprise. “So fucking hard.”

“Baby,” he lets out, groaning in pleasure, yet he needs more. “You know I’m always hard for you.”

You bite at your lower lip, and he leans down to suck your lip out of your teeth’s prison, which makes you moan softly. It’s a barely-there sound, but Jungkook still bucks his hips, seeking friction.

Your hand leaves him for a few seconds, though you quickly push it into his pants, under his boxers. The moment you wrap your fingers around him, Jungkook moans, his head falling into the crook of your neck. He smells your perfume there, and he gently bites at the skin of your neck before sucking on it.

You stroke him, your grip tight, though it seems like you’re struggling because of the angle and of his clothes. So Jungkook kneels back between your legs, quickly unbuttoning his pants. You’re impatient, pushing them down just enough so that you can rub his dick through the fabric of his boxers, and then you push those down too. His dick stands tall, leaking precum, and you rub your thumb over his slit before spreading his precum on his length.

Jungkook shuts his eyes, taking in the sensations, and he throws his head back as you start jerking him off at a steady pace. He wants to fuck into your hand, if only so that he can get more, but he knows if he does, you’ll stop your ministrations to tease him.

You’re bratty. He loves it, likes to tame you until you’re a mess under him, but he doesn’t have the patience for it right now. Not when his balls are already tightening and you’ve barely even touched him yet.

“Fuck, that feels good,” he praises, and he looks down at you to see you’re looking up at him with lust spilling out of your gaze, on your features, like the way you’re touching him is making you feel just as good as it makes him feel.

Fucking downright sinful, you are. He loves it.

“Baby,” he lets out. “I want to fuck you, mmh?”

You smirk. “Don’t like my hand wrapped around your dick, Jungkook?”

He shuts his eyes with a smile on his lips, shaking his head. “That’s not what I’m saying.”

“Then let me have my fun, alright?”

And then you’re letting go of his dick just so that you can spit in your hand before grabbing him again. None of his fantasies have been able to convey just how hot that simple gesture is, and Jungkook knows he can’t wait any longer.

He needs to be buried in you. Needs to feel your tightness sucking him in. So he grabs your hand, pushing it over your head along with the other so he can hold your wrists in place, and then he unbuttons your pants, pushing them down your legs.

“Let me…” you trail off as he struggles with it, and he lets you go, getting up to finish taking off his pants and boxers, too.

He watches you undress, though you keep your shirt on. He doesn’t mind – he’ll push it up so he can see your perfect breasts as he fucks you anyway. So he kneels between your legs again, gently caressing up and down your thighs, your soft skin like satin under his touch. You just look at him through your lashes, lips slightly parted, and he needs to kiss you again.

So he bends down, captures your mouth in a sweet embrace, and he grabs his dick to align it with your entrance. With the lack of foreplay, he knows he’ll have to take his time, and though he can grow impatient with you, he knows he has all evening.

And tomorrow, too.

So Jungkook nudges your entrance, rubs his tip on your clit, and when you softly moan in his mouth, he starts pushing in, slowly. One inch at a time. You’re tight around him, yet so, so wet, and so he slips right in, up until he’s fully sheathed inside of you. Your walls flutter around him, and he grunts, though he doesn’t disconnect from the kiss.

There’s something too perfectly intimate about kissing you while inside of you. It makes him forget about the world outside, about everything that led to this moment in time. It’s just you. It’s just been you for a few weeks now, he reckons, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

After what feels like a short eternity, Jungkook pulls away from the kiss, leaning his forehead against yours. He slowly pulls back, and then pushes all the way in, the breathy sound you let out like the first sip of water after being lost in the desert for days. It’s heavenly, and he’s convinced you’re an angel.

You’re his angel, sent to save him from this existence. 

“Jungkook,” you whisper, and he realizes he hasn’t moved for a few heartbeats too long. 

He’s just been taking in the feeling of you, getting distracted by it. He swallows, his throat feeling somewhat dry, and then he starts moving again, slowly. His motions are steady, deep, and he feels all of you along all of him. Your walls suck him in, and it feels so good he knows he could come like this.

He’s always on the verge of coming when he’s with you. You turn him on too much, but he wants to please you first. Only ever allows himself to come when he knows you had your fun. So he focuses on you, on the way you react to everything he does, and soon he’s picking up his pace, kneeling back between your legs as your soft moans start growing louder.

It’s pornographic. He wishes he could record you for when he touches himself, but he’s got a good imagination, and so far it hasn’t disappointed.

“You feel so good,” he praises you. Your walls tighten around him, and he bites the inside of his lip to keep from coming. “So fucking good.”

He opens his eyes – he doesn’t even remember closing them – and he looks down at the spot where your bodies are connected. His dick glistens with your juices every time he pulls his hips back, and it’s a sight he’s committed to memory already. So, instead, he looks up to your features, to the creases of pleasure on your forehead. He picks up the pace even more, and your hands find his thighs, your nails scratching at his skin inadvertently.

“You take me so well, baby.” He grunts as your walls grow even tighter before loosening. “Love to fuck you.”

“You’re so big.” 

Your words are a whine, and Jungkook feels his balls tighten so hard it takes everything in him not to come then and there. But he manages to hold it in, and he takes a deep breath as he slows down the rhythm.

“Wanna try another position?” he asks.

He’s come to realize you’re not the biggest fan of missionary. He doubts you’d tell him, but he’s pretty sure he wouldn’t make you come like this. 

It’s much easier when you’re on top, or when you’re lying on your side. This time, you end up on top of him, and Jungkook plants his feet into the couch to be able to fuck up into you as you ride him, your head thrown back in bliss.

He pushes your shirt up, hands caressing up your sides before moving forward to your breast. You’re not wearing a bra, and your nipples are perked high. He sits up, feeling the need to taste you, and he licks at one of the sensitive buds, rolling the other between his fingers. You keep fucking yourself on him as he does so, and you’re so wet he feels your juices dripping down his balls, most likely staining the couch underneath. It’s leather, though. He’ll have no problem with cleaning it after. So instead of worrying about it, he slides a hand between your two bodies, finding your clit. It’s swollen with arousal, and he rubs at it gently, trying to make sure to not put too much pressure. You cry out his name still, and your pussy grows so tight he thinks you might push him out. 

But then you grow limp, your head falling in the crook of his neck as you stop moving, and your walls spasm all around his dick. He raises his head from your breast, kissing the side of your face. You come for a while, and he rubs your back all through it, up until you raise your head too, immediately aiming for his mouth. It’s a sloppy kiss, and then you’re moving again, going up and down on his dick.

You’ll be the death of him.

You push him down, the blissed out look on your face enough to make him let you take over, and then you’re fucking yourself on him, though this time, you’re focusing on his pleasure. Your hand rests around his neck in a loose embrace, and he helps supporting your weight with his hands on your ass. His eyes focus on your breasts as they bounce with the motions, and it’s entrancing, so much so that he feels his balls tighten again, and this time, he lets himself go.

This time, he comes deep inside of you, his mind soaring to the sky as you barely even slow down, the stimulation so thorough he loses grasp on reality for a moment. He only comes to his senses when you move up until his dick falls on his lower abdomen, his cum spilling out of you. His mind is spinning too much for him to register the view, and then you’re putting a hand under you as if to stop the flow.

Jungkook chuckles, looking down at himself. He came a lot, and there is nothing to clean himself with here.

“What’s funny?” you ask.

He shuts his eyes, his lips spreading in a lopsided grin. “Nothing. I just feel… amazing.”

You press a quick kiss on his lips. “So do I.”

Jungkook meets your gaze. “Let’s get cleaned up and then we should order takeout.”

He doesn’t want to waste time cooking right now. Not when he only has this evening and tomorrow with you. After that, it’s getting ready for the album release next week, for the tour and the months away…

His heart drops in his chest. 

How will he manage to spend months away from you?

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i'm a little sorry for that ending OOP- hope you guys enjoyed this chapter tho! tell me what you think here

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Sunday, July 20th

You wake up feeling too warm. Which is weird, as your AC is always cranked up and you move a lot in your sleep, which leads you to wake up with the blankets on the floor half of the time. But you’re warm, way too warm right now, and you frown, cracking an eye open.

Some honey skin welcomes you, and your eyes widen as you look up, only to see Jungkook’s serene face as he sleeps next to you. Just for good measure, he breathes in deeply, and it rattles in his chest in a snore louder than you expected, which you reckon might have been what woke you up in the first place.

Last night comes back to your mind – the concert, the bar, Mingyu’s words. The ride to Jungkook’s place, and the food he cooked. The tour of his house…

But mostly, what happened in his studio downstairs. The orgasm he pulled out of you, making you so high you think you still feel some of it lingering this morning. Or maybe what lingers is just the quickening of your heartbeat as you realize that Jungkook held you through the night.

Indeed, his arm is still wrapped around you, and he tightens his hold for a second before loosening it again with a sigh. The weight of his arm must have been what kept you from moving during the night, because you’re still in the same position you fell asleep in, Jungkook’s soft sheets covering your frame.

Jungkook snores again, and it almost sounds like he’s choking. You look up, slightly alarmed, to see that he’s frowning and, unable to resist, you reach up, gently tracing the line between his eyebrows. He immediately relaxes, his features softening, and his arm tightens around you again.

He doesn’t wake up though, his lips slightly parting as he keeps breathing deeply, his snores softer now. You glance around, but from this position you can’t really see much of Jungkook’s room besides the drawn curtains behind him that allow just a sliver of sunlight to peek through. It looks like it’s late, and you wouldn’t be surprised if you slept in considering how late you ended up going to bed yesterday.

It’s not like you have anywhere to be today. You’re allowing yourself a day off before you’ll start working on editing again. After all, the editor asked you to rewrite the entire first chapter of your book so that it starts in a more eventful scene to get the reader involved from the get-go. But you’ve been pushing that back, not feeling like rewriting something that, in your opinion, worked well with your book.

But you know the editor is right. The beginning would most likely fit a romance book more than an action one, even if the romance aspect is very present in your book.

Still, you’re off today, and so you shut your eyes, cuddling closer to Jungkook. His arm immediately tightens around you again, and you can’t help the smile that curls your lips at the feeling.

You had sex with Jeon Jungkook. With a man you’d only ever dreamed of when you were younger, and now you’re lying in his bed, in his arms, and he doesn’t seem like he’s going to let you go anytime soon. It fills your chest with warmth akin to that of a summer sunrise, and you doubt it’ll allow you to fall back asleep.

You’re too excited, too energized to succumb to sleep once more, but you also don’t want to get up. No, this morning, you’re right where you want to be, and you won’t be the one to end the moment.

So you just breathe in Jungkook’s arms as he keeps on sleeping, your entire body buzzing with gentle energy that makes you excited for the day to come. 

Is Jungkook going to be soft with you today like he was after you had sex? Getting you cleaned up, helping you in the shower…

Jeon Jungkook is good at aftercare.

You sigh dreamily, though Mingyu’s words choose this moment to cross your mind again, and it’s like an April shower just hit you right in the face, chasing away the warmth of that summer morning sun.

Jungkook is not over his ex. At least you doubt he is if he’s still watching her stream, and you don’t know where that puts you.

Are you halfway to getting your heart broken already?

You really hope you aren’t. Because you know what happened last night changed you, and you’re barely over your last heartbreak anyway. Which, maybe you should cut Jungkook some slack.

Josh still crosses your mind once in a while, and you would be lying if you said you didn’t check his socials at least once a week still.

You take a deep breath, Jungkook’s clean smell surrounding you, and you feel the April rain coming to a stop, the summer sun slowly returning. It’s easy – he shifts on his back, pulling you with him, and your head lands on his chest.

It’s comfortable, cosy, and the rhythmic beating of his heart is a melody you’d like to get used to as it gently drums away in your ear.

You lay your hand on Jungkook’s stomach, his soft skin warm under your palm, and you trace a circle where your fingers lie, Jungkook’s breathing hitching just enough to tell you he might not be asleep anymore.

But he doesn’t say anything, so neither do you. You just bask in his proximity, enjoying it like you’re the moon under the sun, shining in his glow. And it does feel like it, on this Sunday morning.

You do feel like the moon in Jungkook’s orbit.

Jungkook sighs, and you trace another circle on his stomach, this one a little larger. It reaches to his lower stomach, and his breath hitches in his throat again, like he almost choked on it.

“Good morning,” he rasps, his voice still groggy with sleep.

It’s deep and husky, and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t find it infinitely arousing, too.

“Morning,” you echo, tracing an idle line from his lower stomach to right below his navel.

He sucks in another breath as you go back down, reaching just a little lower again.

“Did you sleep well?” he asks, his accent thicker than it usually is.

Like he’s too lazy to keep it in check, and it’s attractive in its own way. 

This is Jungkook in his natural habitat.

“Yeah,” you reply, and you lay your hand flat on his lower stomach. His heart quickens in his chest, and you can’t help the smile that grows on your lips at his physiological response to your touch.

You have a bigger effect on him than you initially thought you did. Who cares about his ex anyway?

“You?” you ask after a few seconds of silence.

You feel him move, and you look up to see him nodding. “Slept like a rock. Did I snore a lot?”

“A little,” you say.

He sighs. “Sorry about that. I tried to sleep on my side because I know I snore less like that.”

You don’t reply to that, his sentence not really asking for a reply anyway. Instead, you go back to tracing idle lines on his stomach, and Jungkook chuckles.

“What?” you ask.

“Nothing.”

You narrow your gaze, looking up at him again. From this angle, you can’t see his features, but you get the feeling that he’s smiling at himself.

“Mmh,” you let out. 

There are a few heartbeats of silence, and then he says, “Last night was incredible.”

“It really was.” Your voice is small, dare you even say shy, and you feel your cheeks burning as he looks down at you. 

His big eyes are still puffy with sleep, yet they shine with an inner light that makes your shyness evaporate like dew in the morning, and you can’t help but mirror the smile. 

“And you’re still here this morning,” he whispers.

“Well, you’ve kind of been holding me, so I couldn’t really leave.”

You say the words teasingly, but he raises his eyebrows apologetically. “Oh,” he lets out. “I’m sorry.”

You tap the spot where your hand is resting. “Don’t be, I’m teasing,”

He narrows his gaze at you like he’s annoyed, but it melts quickly as you chuckle, replaced by that same warmth that makes his gaze sparkle from within. And then he leans forward, pressing the softest kiss on your lips before laying his head on the pillow again.

The sun is back in its full shine, its gravity stronger than anything you could resist. So, once more, you trace a line on his lower stomach, but this time you go lower, just barely grazing the tip of his dick. He hisses, his Adam’s apple bobbing, and his tongue darts out to play with his piercings.

“What are you doing?” he asks.

“Mmh.” You look down, though he’s covered with the blanket right now. “Nothing.”

“Mmh,” he echoes. “Right.”

You do it again, repeating the same trajectory you took a second ago, though this time you make sure to trace the side of his shaft, and his dick slightly twitches.

You take a deep breath, teeth pulling at your lower lip as you trace along his dick, before returning to his stomach. “You’re hard,” you state.

“Of course, I am,” he replies with that same dark, husky tone. “You’re in my bed.”

Those few words are enough to ignite a fire in you again, fiery passion catching like dead grass struck by lightning, and you look up to meet his gaze again. His doe eyes are dark, gauging you, and you move back down to his dick, gently grabbing his base.

“You like morning sex?” you ask.

He wets his lips. “I like sex with you.”

You roll your eyes, but you still stroke him slowly, up and down, his dick feeling heavy in your hand.

“You do?”

He nods. “It didn’t seem like I did last night?”

You make a show of thinking about it, lips jutting out in a small pensive pout, and then you say, “I don’t think I remember.”

“Must have fucked you too good,” he says. “You could barely walk after.”

You thought you’d feel embarrassed at the reminder, but it only makes the fire swell in you, your core burning for a touch of him.

“I want you,” you breathe out.

You’d meant to tease some more, but the plea came from the depths of your chest, crawling its way out as your heart started beating hard at Jungkook’s words.

“Oh, baby,” he whispers. “I’ve got you.”

He does. He makes you lay down on your back, turning on his side, and though you let go of his dick as you move, he doesn’t seem to mind. No, he’s too busy sliding a hand between your legs, and you spread them wide open for him to get access to where you want him the most.

His fingers ghost on your clit, and you make a strained sound as he doesn’t offer you any pressure. Instead, he goes lower, circling your entrance as he gives you a quick peck on the shoulder. It’s a sweet gesture, much sweeter than the words that follow.

“You’re already so fucking wet for me,” he says.

The walls of your pussy clench at his crude words, and you blindly reach for his dick, finding the base again. 

“Jungkook,” you murmur.

He presses another sweet kiss on your shoulder. “I know, baby.”

And then he pushes a finger all the way in, your walls sucking him in. You’re so wet you offer barely no resistance, and the feeling of his digit inside of you makes you shut your eyes, a frown taking over your features at the pleasurable intrusion. 

“So wet,” he praises.

He slowly pulls his finger out before pushing in again.

“So, so wet.”

And then he starts fingering you faster, moving in and out in a slow rhythm that would drive you crazy if he wasn’t curling his finger on the way out, dragging on your inner walls. He hits your g-spot as he does so, and you moan at the feeling as pleasure strikes you like lightning, even though he’s barely even started touching you.

But the way he touches you… you don’t think you’ve ever been touched like that before. There’s something so intent, so purposeful, with every stroke of Jungkook’s finger in you, and it slowly makes you unravel, your moans growing louder and breathier as he keeps fingering you.

You jerk him off as he touches you, though you doubt you’re as talented as he is. You feel clumsy, mostly because your entire body is zoned in on his hand between your thighs, and you can’t focus.

He’s emptied your mind with just a few touches of his finger, and you think he’ll really make you go insane one day. And that day might be closer than you think it is as he pushes a second finger in. Your walls clench on his digits hard, and you moan his name.

“Fuck,” he curses. “It’s so hot when you say my name like that.”

You mean to say it again, but he starts fucking you with his fingers so hard that you lose track of what words are – they’re replaced with infinite desire, and a passion so hot it burns through your body, making every inch of you tingle. 

You could cry. It’s so good you could cry, and it’s no surprise when your orgasm hits you out of nowhere, pushing you over the edge of a cliff so high you barely register the indecent squelching sounds that erupt from between your legs as Jungkook keeps going.

And going. It’s only when you come for the third time that you realize he’s figured out how to make you squirt like it was nothing.

“Jungkook,” you beg.

He slows down his rhythm, pressing a kiss to your shoulder again. “Mmh?”

“I came.”

He chuckles. “I know, baby.”

You laugh. You don’t know why you do, but you feel so good, so immensely complete right now that the laugh bursts out on its own.

“Wow.” You try to open your eyes, but you’re dizzy, so all you do is to start jerking him off again, though your arm feels like jelly.

“You like when I make you come, huh?” Jungkook asks, and his teeth tease the skin of your shoulder.

“You’re so crass.”

He laughs, and then his fingers are leaving you empty, and he’s rolling on top of you. “You like it.”

You do. You really fucking do, especially as he pushes his hips into yours, his dick spearing you wide open. You moan, hands going to his back as he leans down, his arms on the two sides of your head.

But he doesn’t move. He just stays there, deep inside of you, until you meet his gaze.

“Hey there,” he whispers, his gaze shining.

It does something to your heart, squeezing it so gently you wonder if you’ll ever be able to let him go, and you whisper back, “Hey.”

“Have I told you how beautiful you are?” he asks, and he slowly pulls out, before rocking his hips into yours again.

You let out a breathy sound at the motion. “Jungkook…”

“Could just watch you all day,” he adds, and he fucks you once. “You’re so fucking pretty.”

You’re going to fall for him. Hell, you think you’ve already started falling for him, and you reckon you’re a fool. You’ve always been one to catch feelings easily, and you know you won’t leave this place unscathed. Yet, you let the feelings wrap around your heart, let them quicken its pace. Let them curl your lips up in a soft smile that Jungkook looks at with awe. Let them make you snake your arms around his waist so that you can hold him close.

You’ll face the consequences later.

“Thank you,” you whisper back.

You’re thanking him for more than just the compliments. You’re thanking him for everything – for the reverence in his eyes, and the light flush to his cheeks. For the way he presses a gentle kiss on your forehead, and then the way he starts gently moving his hips, back and forth, in a slow rhythm that makes you keenly aware of every movement of his dick inside of you.

You go oversensitive, especially as he holds the eye contact through it all, never once accelerating his rhythm. At some point, he just stops to rest his forehead on yours for a few heartbeats, and then he lies down next to you, pulling your back against his chest.

And then he slowly fucks you from behind too, his arm wrapping around your waist to hold you close to him. You hold onto his forearm, eyes fluttering shut so you can focus on the sensations, and Jungkook chases his high in at a slow pace you would find infuriating if it didn’t feel so… right.

Because this feels right. This feels like you’ve found your place in the world.

When Jungkook finally reaches his high what simultaneously feels like an eternity later and no time at all, he just stays there, dick softening inside of you, arm still wrapped around your waist. His forehead is pressed against the back of your head, and you’re sure it has to tickle with your hair, but he doesn’t complain, doesn’t move.

He, too, seems enraptured by the moment. 

*****

Jungkook can’t get enough of looking at you. He doesn’t know which stars he has to thank for you deciding to stay this morning, this afternoon, but fuck, he’s just been seeing you in a different light this whole time, and he really can’t get enough of it.

Maybe it’s because you’re wearing an oversized t-shirt of his instead of your clothes from yesterday. Or maybe it’s the way your cheeks dust with pink whenever you catch him looking for a little longer than necessary 

Or maybe it’s the fact that he knows he’s already addicted to being with you like he was this morning, and he’ll never get enough of it.

You’re a drug. One he’ll never get enough of, and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t try to keep you close forever.

“I love it,” you say as you take off his headset, putting it back on the desk. “You should definitely release it.”

He grins, unable to help himself. But it’s a little shy, and he laughs, looking down at the floor. “Nah, I don’t plan on releasing any solo songs for now.” He runs a hand through his hair before meeting your gaze again. “Besides, there isn’t even any drum beat in the song. That’s not what my fans want.”

You give him a no-bullshit look that makes him want to apologize.

“Jungkook,” you scold, and he winces internally at the tone of your voice. “People, regardless if they are fans or not, would love this.”

His heartbeat quickens. “You think?”

“Honestly, you have a beautiful voice,” you praise. “I’m surprised you don’t sing more often.”

“It’s hard to sing and play the drums at the same time,” he explains. “And singing is too technical for me.”

You cock an eyebrow. “Isn’t playing the drum very technical too?”

“Well…” he trails, shrugging his shoulders weakly. “Maybe?”

You laugh, and you pat his thigh. “Anyway, trust me, this is a really good song. I don’t think you could fit a beat in there.”

Indeed, it’s just a short love song he wrote years ago, when he’d originally met Sara. He didn’t plan to ever record it, but he was playing with the guitars the other day and the melody just came to his mind, and the only lyrics he found that could work with it were those of that love song.

“And,” you add. “You’ve released a solo album before your military service, haven't you?”

He nods.

“It was really popular, no?”

It was. But it was pushed by the company, and he wasn’t involved in the writing of any of the songs. It was very pop too, and he doesn’t think he’s got the voice for pop music like that. He’s always preferred ballads when it comes to singing.

“Yeah,” he says, chuckling. “But it didn’t feel like me.”

Your features soften, your lips jutting out in a small pout. “Well,” you let out, motioning to the monitor behind you. “This does feel like you. I love it.”

His throat goes dry, and he holds your gaze for a few seconds, unable to speak. 

There’s something too beautiful in the fact that you can recognize him in a song, even if you haven’t known each other for a while. Like you, too, are feeling what he is. That feeling of rightness and peace that’s been clinging to him since he woke up this morning.

Being with you feels natural. It feels easy, and that’s what the song is all about. Hell, looking back, he doesn’t think he really wrote it about Sara at all.

It was always meant to be about you. Sara was never peace. Sara was the excitement of young love, something you experience vividly for a short time, but that fades quickly. They just got caught up in the habit of being together, and it took them too long to figure out they weren’t meant to be together.

But young love dies hard, and he thinks a tiny part of himself will always look out for her, if only because he loved her so much once. 

Looking at you, it’s hard to remember he ever loved her, though.

“Thank you,” he whispers.

You smile, the gentlest curve to your lips that sets your eyes alight with what seems like all the light in the universe. “No problem.”

He wants to kiss you. Hell, he needs to kiss you, and it occurs to him that he just can. That he doesn’t need to hold back when it comes to you.

He leans in, hand reaching up to cup your cheek. You melt in his touch, your head tilting to the side, and he stops when he’s just a few inches away from you, just to take you in. To watch the way your lips slightly part, your eyes looking down at his mouth and fuck, he’s gone.

He’s a goner for you.

He kisses you then, the pillowy plumpness of your lips feeling like the softest feather. Your eyes flutter shut in time with his, and his heart beats harder in his chest, like it’s trying to escape its cage to reach for you. It’s a short kiss, yet he feels undone when he pulls away. 

It doesn’t make sense. How you can make him feel so much in such a short amount of time. All of his friends would tell him to calm down and take it one day at a time, but it’s too late.

He’d crawl on the floor for you if that’s what you wanted him to do.

“Jungkook,” you whisper, and there’s something heavy in your voice, like something’s been weighing on you.

Alarms immediately blare in Jungkook’s head, and he pulls away, his heart tightening. All the softness raised in him by kissing you turns into something worse, something akin to dread.

Yeah, he’s really too far gone already.

“What?” he lets out.

You sigh, opening your eyes to meet his gaze. You look sad suddenly, tired, and you glance over your shoulder to look at the monitor.

“Who did you write this song about?”

He freezes. He doesn’t know what to reply, because what would you think if he said he believes he wrote it for you before even knowing you? It’d be too much, and he doesn’t want to be too intense.

“Huh,” he lets out, chuckling. He’s put on the spot, and a rush of anxiety spikes his heartbeat, adrenaline drowning his bloodstream. “Just about an ex. I wrote it years ago.”

You hold his gaze for a few seconds, and then your eyes drop to your hands in your lap, his following to see you wringing your fingers. You look just as anxious as he feels, and he wishes he could take your hands in his, but it feels like he shouldn’t.

He hates that it does.

“Which ex was that?” you ask.

He frowns, unable to help himself. “It doesn’t really matter,” he says. “I don’t talk to her anymore.”

Which is true. Except she did text him yesterday, but he never replied. Hell, he even forgot.

It’s surprising. He never usually forgets anything when it comes to her.

“Oh.” You swallow, nodding once. “There’s just…”

He doesn’t like this. Doesn’t like that suddenly, you can’t look him in the eyes. You look closeted, like you weren’t looking at him with those shiny eyes not even five minutes ago. 

What did he do wrong?

“There’s just what?” he asks, and he sounds harsher than he meant it. He scrapes his throat, hoping you don’t take it personally, but you choose this moment to meet his gaze again, and you look like you did the first few weeks.

Like he’s just offended you, and he wants to slap himself across the face for it.

“Mingyu said you were watching your ex stream on Friday,” you say, and your eyebrows grow closer over your eyes, a line appearing between them. 

Fuck. Mingyu slept over last Friday as he got too drunk over dinner, and he crashed on the couch near the bar in the basement. Jungkook couldn’t sleep from the stress and excitement about the concert, and so he came in here to work on this song, actually.

But of course, that led him to think about Sara, and then he saw she was streaming and he just watched for like twenty minutes. Mingyu must have gotten up then to take a piss or something and saw him.

“Ah.” Jungkook clenches his jaw once, tongue toying with his inner lip, catching on his piercings. “Mingyu should learn to not get involved in people’s business.”

“So you’re not denying it?” you ask, and you sound disappointed.

Jungkook hates it so much he wants to disappear through the floor.

“I mean, it was nothing,” he says, and he takes a deep breath as he tries to figure out how to explain. “I just watch her once in a while, but it’s nothing.”

“Isn’t that a little… toxic?”

It is. At least, every single one of his friends believes everything that comes with Sara is toxic, and he’s starting to believe them more and more with time. But the way you say it sounds like an attack, and the frown deepens on his features.

“Listen, it was nothing,” he reaffirms. “She’s someone I once cared about, and I just like keeping up with her occasionally.”

You don’t say anything for so long he thinks you might have gone mute, but then your voice comes out, weaker than he’s ever heard it. “I just don’t want to get hurt.”

His defensive walls crumble down, and Jungkook reaches for your hands, wrapping his around yours. “I don’t talk to her anymore,” he gently says. “I promise it really was nothing. The last thing I want to do is hurt you.”

You pull at your lower lip, looking at him for a few seconds. “Don’t you think it’s just a little weird that you watch her?”

He thinks about it, really thinks about it for a moment, and he understands why you’d think so. Why everyone thinks so, too. But it’s not really about Sara anymore. It’s just the familiarity of the action in and of itself. Because she’s familiar. Despite everything that happened and the toxicity of it all, Sara still feels familiar. And she was there during their biggest years of fame, so it felt even more familiar to be watching her Friday, right before their first concert in forever.

A concert in which they were playing all her favourite songs from them, too.

“Yeah,” he says. “Yeah, I guess it’s weird. But she texted yesterday, and I didn’t reply. I don’t think I want to talk to her anymore.”

That doesn’t seem to reassure you at all, and Jungkook feels like he’s freefalling, pushed down a cliff and headed to the jagged rocks at the bottom.

Is he already going to fuck this up between you and him?

“You don’t think you want to or you don’t want to?” you ask.

“I don’t want to,” he replies, and as he says the words, he realizes they’re true.

He really has been moving on, hasn’t he?

“I don’t want to talk to her anymore,” he insists, with more vigour than necessary, but it’s mostly just because it’s freeing to realize it. Like he was a caged animal, and he’s finally been released in the wild. “I actually really don’t want to.”

There’s a spark in your eyes. It’s dim, distant, but he doesn’t let it out of sight.

“Okay,” you let out.

“I really just want to talk to you,” Jungkook adds. “I promise.”

You smile. It’s a small, shy smile, one that darkens your cheeks with blush, and Jungkook feels his heart settling in his chest, the anxiety fading away. And then, it’s replaced with surprise, with some weird joy he can’t explain because…

Were you jealous?

He’s smiling. He must be, because you slightly frown, and say, “What?”

“What?” he repeats.

“You look like you’re about to laugh.”

He chuckles, snorts, and he shakes his head. “No, no. It’s okay.”

You don’t believe him. You narrow your gaze in suspicion, looking between his two eyes. “What’s up?”

“Nothing!” He laughs lightly, shrugging his shoulders. “It’s just… Are you jealous?”

Your mouth falls open, and you pull your hands away from his, folding your arms on your chest.

“No.”

He smirks, and he grabs your forearm, trying to pull you to him. But you stubbornly remain in place, leaning back in your chair, and he laughs.

“Don’t be jealous,” he teases. “You’re the only one I think of.”

You part your lips, and a small smirk lights up your features just enough for him to know you’re not actually upset. 

“So you think of me, mmh?”

“Oh, always, baby,” he purrs, and you finally give in as he pulls you to him until you change seats to sit on his lap instead. He wraps his arms around your waist, putting his chin down on your shoulder. “You’re all I think about.”

He pulls away to see you’re smiling. A self-content smile that makes your eyes glint with mischief and fuck. It’s such a pretty look on your features his mind goes empty for a heartbeat. 

“As it should be.”

He laughs, pecking your shoulder. “You’re right.”

Your laughter tumbles from your lips, and relief washes through Jungkook, collecting the rest of his anxiety and taking it down the drain with it. And then, the vibes go back to what they were before you asked him about who he wrote the song about, and the warm feelings return to his chest.

Especially as you kiss him softly before getting up when he asks if you want him to cook something for you.

“Please do,” you say once you’re up.

He snorts, grabbing the hand you’re offering him as he, too, gets up. “So demanding.”

“Your food is good, what can I say?”

He takes the compliment and puts it in a soft corner of his heart, if only because all compliments you give him feel like the best thing that’s ever happened to him. 

And so Jungkook cooks for you as the afternoon comes to an end. You chat about your book as he does so, telling him you have to work on edits tomorrow, and he tells you he needs to talk to his brother to organize dinner with his parents.

Which he really does need to text his family. He’s pretty sure they texted him before you woke up this morning, but he hasn’t been on his phone all day. It’s strange – he usually has the tendency to be on his phone a lot. But, in your presence, all he wants to do is talk to you and touch you and laugh with you.

Fuck. You’re so pretty. The thought hits him as he looks at you over his shoulder. You’re sitting on the other side of the kitchen island, going on and on about your book and what you decided to do with it in the end, and he honestly doesn’t think he’s ever seen someone as pretty as you.

“Are you even listening?” you ask, pouting as he remains silent.

“Yes, yes,” he quickly says, clearing his throat. “Sorry.”

You don’t say anything, but the food is luckily ready, offering him salvation as he plates your dishes. And then he joins you at the kitchen island, where you eat in comfortable silence, just talking once as you tell him the meal tastes amazing. 

When you’re done eating and he puts your plates away in the sink, you sigh longingly, and Jungkook throws you a worried glance, half afraid that you’re going to ask him about Sara again. But you’re glancing at the time on the digital clock of the oven, and you say, “I think I should get going soon.”

The thought of you leaving makes his heart squeeze in his chest somehow, and he’d laugh at himself if you didn’t seem so disappointed too.

“That’s okay,” he says, tone reassuring. “We can hang out again soon.”

Your lips curl up. “I’d love that.”

And that’s how you go back upstairs to get dressed and grab your stuff in the bedroom – Jungkook brought everything up yesterday after you had sex, leaving it on his dresser. As you get dressed in the bathroom, Jungkook grabs his phone, and his entire body goes cold as he sees the amount of security notifications he got from the app with the camera at the door.

Someone’s outside. And he really wishes he could go out there and tell the girl to get the fuck away. But she’s stupid. She’s not even wearing anything to cover her features, and he takes a few screenshots that he immediately sends to both his lawyer and the police officer he’s been in touch with.

The girl isn’t Korean. She’s definitely foreign, and Jungkook frowns as she presses numbers on the dial pad at his door. She’s writing on her phone at the same time, most likely to keep track of her guesses.

What a fucking crazy bitch.

“Everything okay?” you ask, and Jungkook startles.

He didn’t see you coming out of the bathroom.

“Someone’s at the door,” he admits, and he sighs longingly. “Let me call the police.”

*****

You feel bad for Jungkook. Especially when the police gets there and catches the girl in the act of trying to break in, taking her away without Jungkook ever getting out of the house. He tells you it’s a good thing, as he’ll be able to get a restraining order against her, but it still leaves a bitter aftertaste in your mouth, because it’s all just wrong.

You’ll never understand why people can’t respect other people’s privacy. 

“They’re all gone,” Jungkook says, and he sighs deeply.

You walk closer to him, wrapping your arm around his waist as you lean your head against his shoulder. “I’m sorry, you know?”

“Hey, it’s okay,” he reassures you. “She’s going to jail, that’s the best case scenario.”

You refuse to think about the worst case scenario. Not when Jungkook seems so at peace right now despite what just happened.

“Right.”

He pecks the top of your head before pulling you into a hug proper. “Let me walk you home.”

You chuckle, thinking he’s joking. But he doesn’t say anything else, just holds you in his arms, and you pull away to look up at him.

“You’re serious?”

He nods. “Yeah.”

“Wouldn’t that be dangerous right now?” you ask.

“No, she’s gone,” he says. “And they’ll leave a guy to watch over for the rest of the day.”

You hold his gaze, looking between his two eyes. “What if people see us together?”

“That’s okay.” He leans forward, pecking your lips. “They already have last night. A couple of pictures got out.”

Indeed, you both saw those pictures earlier, but Jungkook said they would be erased from the Internet by his company before the day ends. And you assume he’s right, because you haven’t seen them again since then, and though your follower count on Instagram has increased and a crazy amount of people have commented on your posts – a lot of hate, actually, but you’ve always just ignored people commenting hate anyway – no one from home has sent you anything.

Not even Hyunseok said anything, and you know he loves celebrity gossip. Especially now that you are the source of some of it.

“And you don’t mind?” you ask him.

“I really don’t.” He shrugs. “I’m 29. Or 27. People know I fuck.”

Your gaze widens at the crude word he chose, and then something bitter fills your mouth.

Is that all that this is to him?

“Right,” you let out.

There’s a silence, and you know he’s scanning your features, probably feeling the way you’ve tensed. And as the silence stretches, you think about your friends. You think about Jennie and Mingyu, about Hyunseok and the people from back home. It feels overwhelming all of a sudden, like it’s too much at the same time.

You need to slow down.

“Why don’t we keep this between ourselves for now?” you suggest.

After all, even if he’s reassured you about his ex, you still see it for the red flag that it is.

Jungkook doesn’t like your suggestion. At all. His features fall into that same frown from earlier when he showed you his song. Song you’re convinced he wrote about her, even if he never confirmed it.

“What do you mean?” he asks.

“We don’t have to tell anyone,” you reply. “Just while we figure things out between us.”

Jungkook gulps. It’s audible, even more so as he steps back from the hug. “Okay.”

He’s upset. You can tell he’s upset, but surely he understands? You can’t just jump into a relationship with someone like that. 

“I still want to see you,” you reassure him. “It doesn’t have to change anything between us.”

His lips are pulled in a taut line, and he just shrugs his shoulders. “Yeah, of course.”

He’s shut off. He’s entirely shut off to you, and you don’t know how to fix it. So you just stand there, watching him, trying to meet his gaze but he’s looking at a random spot behind you.

“I had an amazing time with you last night and today,” you carefully say. 

He sighs, finally meeting your gaze. “Me too.”

You smile, weak as it is. “Good.”

There’s a stretch of uncomfortable silence before he sighs again, shutting his eyes for a few seconds. “Let me still walk you home, though.”

You don’t have it in you to refuse him, not when he seems to relax the second you accept the offer. Like maybe you didn’t fuck up too bad. But he still seems tense as he rummages through his walk-in closet to look for a hat and a mask. He’s more silent, too, as you walk downstairs to the front door, and he checks his phone to make sure no one is outside.

No one is, and you’re soon walking out in the July heat. It’s early evening, and the sky is covered in clouds, humidity clinging to your clothes and hair the second you step outside. It smells of rain, but your weather app says you still have an hour before the sky opens up, though it seems there might be thunderstorms all night after that.

“Gonna have to be quick,” you tell Jungkook as you start walking down the street, indeed passing in front of a parked police car.

Jungkook nods at the police officers inside, and they politely nod back. 

“Why?” he asks.

“It’s going to rain soon,” you tell him. “I just don’t want you to be caught in the rain on the walk back.”

He smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Don’t worry about me, I don’t mind the rain.”

You rack your brain to search for a joke you could say that might relieve the tension, but you come up empty. So, instead, you put your address into KakaoMap, trying to see what route might be the shortest.

It turns out there’s one that should surprisingly only take twelve minutes, but you have to cut through a residential village. You don’t really mind, as it also means there will probably be less people out and about than on the boulevard, so you turn left as you reach the street it suggests, and Jungkook stops, looking at you.

“Where are you going?” he asks.

“It’s shorter this way,” you tell him. “Come.”

He clearly has no fight in him, because he just turns and follows you, hands in the pockets of his pants. He’s looking at the ground in front of him, clearly still bothered by what you said inside, and you take a deep breath.

“I’m sorry if I upset you,” you tell him.

His gaze widens as he meets your eyes. “Oh, you didn’t!”

You cock an eyebrow, confusion swiping through you. “Huh? You…” You swallow. “You’ve been acting strange since I said we should keep this between us.”

“Shit,” he lets out, taking off his hat to card a hand through his hair, pushing it back, before he puts his hat back on. “Sorry, I actually think you’re right.”

Oh?

“I just feel bad,” he adds.

Your eyebrows almost touch over your eyes as you say, “Why?”

“Well, this is all going fast, no?” he says. “We’ve barely started seeing each other. I don’t want to put any pressure on you.”

He understands. He fucking understands, and it’s the most relieving thing you’ve ever heard.

“You aren’t,” you quickly reassure him. “That’s why I just want us to keep this between us for now.”

“It’s a good idea,” he says, and this time, his smile seems a little more true. “I kind of don’t want to go through Jennie’s interrogation.”

You laugh, slightly shaking your head. “We both know she’ll interrogate us regardless of what we say.”

He echoes your laugh. “Yeah.” There’s a short silence, and he asks, “What should we tell her, though?”

“That we’re taking it slow?” you suggest.

He nods. “We are.”

“We are,” you repeat, trying to sound convincing.

Because spending a full night and the next day together might not be the slowest thing you’ve ever done, but that’s okay.

It made sense, and was natural, and you’re not going to question yourself more about it.

“Can I hold your hand?” Jungkook asks.

The question takes you by surprise, and you feel your cheeks burning. “Huh?”

“Come here,” he says, not waiting for you to actually reply to his question before he grabs your hand, pulling you closer to him. “Sorry I got weird for a moment there.”

Your phone tells you to turn, and you glance to your right, at the very dark and small alley it’s suggesting. “Don’t worry about it,” you say, quickly glancing at Jungkook. “I think we’re just tired.”

“We did go to bed really late last night,” Jungkook comments, and you snort.

“One could say so.” 

You stop, and Jungkook stops a step in front of you, glancing at you. “What’s up?”

“Gotta turn here,” you explain, motioning at the narrow alley.

Jungkook frowns, looking at your phone, and then at the alley. “That does not look creepy at all,” he deadpans.

As a matter of fact, it does. It looks extremely dark in between the walls, and they loom high, like the buildings are almost touching overhead. It’s strange, as the rest of the neighbourhood is all wide streets and shorter buildings.

Like it’s out of place, but it also seems old, which would make sense as to why it was built like that.

“Oh well,” you let out. “Kakao is saying to go there, so we’ll go there.”

Jungkook chuckles. “Good thing I’m here to keep you safe.”

You smile, meeting his gaze. “My knight in shining armour.”

Jungkook steps closer to you as you turn into the alley, walking into its shadowy depths. The air feels heavier here, like all the humidity is getting stuck between the buildings, and you can’t help the shiver that shakes through you.

You’re uneasy. You feel like you’re watched, and you almost let out a small yelp as Jungkook sneezes.

“You scared the shit out of me,” you say as you put your hand on your heart. “What the fuck.”

Jungkook laughs, throwing you an apologetic look. “My bad.”

You just glare at him, though you end up chuckling, and it’s as if the weird atmosphere dissipates.

It’s just an alley. Nothing scary. But, just in case, you grab Jungkook’s arm, as if holding onto his bicep offers you some sense of security. Strangely enough, it does, and you ignore the way he throws you a curious look as  you keep on walking forward, reaching a bend in the alley.

Five minutes later, you’re finally reaching the boulevard, turning left on a much busier street. It’s like sounds return to the world, and you hadn’t even realized the alley was so… silent.

Needless to say, you’ll never walk through that alley again.

“It really is going to rain,” Jungkook comments, and you glance at him to see him looking up at the overcast sky. 

You follow his line of sight and, even though your phone said it should still take an hour, a fat drop of water lands on your nose. 

“Yeah,” you let out. “We’re almost there.”

Turns out you’re not too lucky. The sky breaks open a hundred feet from your place, torrential rain drenching you, and you have to sprint to your building, where you quickly use your fob key to unlock the door so you can walk in. You end up a giggling mess, Jungkook laughing along with you.

He’s beautiful. Even with the mask and the hat, his doe eyes are beautiful, crinkling at the corners as he laughs. You barely can believe that he’s here with you, that you got so lucky as to have his attention like this.

A year ago, you would have never believed it. That you’d end up here today. On the other side of the world, with a man you used to dream about as a teenager.

“What?” Jungkook asks as you look at him.

You push your wet hair back, letting out a small, breathless chuckle. “Nothing.” You’re in the lobby of your building, currently dripping water all over the floor. “Do you want to come up?”

Jungkook’s eyes shine bright as he says, “Yes.”

That’s how you end up in your tiny Seoul apartment, Jeon Jungkook standing in the living room and doing a 360 of the place where you live. It looks even smaller with him here, even though the ceilings are high.

They have to be, as it’s an open-air concept and your bed is at the top of a short flight of stairs. 

“This is nice,” Jungkook says, meeting your gaze once he’s done taking in your space.

You blow out a breath of air. “Huh, thanks. Nothing like your dream house.”

“But it’s cosy!” Jungkook insists. “And,” he adds, motioning to the top floor, “these apartments don’t usually have a window in the bedroom.”

You got lucky. You’re on the corner of the building, and so you do have a window in your bedroom, one you left open all spring to hear the kids playing down in the space between the three buildings that your condominium consists of.

“Yeah, I love it,” you say. You point to the big windows that cover the wall next to your desk and couch. “Even though the view sucks.”

It’s indeed just the view of the building on the other side, but you know that if you sit at the desk and lean back a little, you can see a corner of the sky. Although, right now, the rain is covering the window in a shower that makes the world outside blurry.

“Well, at least you’ve got a lot of light,” Jungkook points out. “It’s rare.”

“You’re the one that lives in a dark house,” you tease. “Not a lot of people like to live in darkness.”

He laughs, and then glances at your couch. “I’d sit, but I feel like I’ll just make it wet.”

“I unfortunately do not have clothes your size. Let me get a towel.”

Jungkook patiently waits for you as you go to your small bathroom to retrieve a towel, and you walk back to the sight of him watching the pictures you’ve hung on the wall.

“Cute,” he says as he glances at you.

You don’t know what picture he’s talking of, yet a blush still creeps on your cheeks when you reply, “Thank you.”

He doesn’t say anything else, and you put the towel on the couch, before looking at him. “Sit. I’ll go get changed.”

He offers you a small smile and a nod, and you’re pretty sure he looks at you as you head upstairs, bending down to not bump your head on the ceiling. You have a small dresser next to your bed, where your more comfortable clothes are – the rest are downstairs in the closet – and you pull a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt from it. You’re quick to go back downstairs after that, changing in the bathroom. You leave your clothes to dry in there, and then you join Jungkook back in the living room.

You stop, gaze widening, as you see him shirtless on the couch. 

“What are you doing?” you ask.

He shrugs. “Shirt’s wet.”

He’s leaning back against the couch, the hard muscles of his chest and abdomen cutting across his skin and damn you, you feel heat rising in you.

“Oh,” you let out, and then you finish making your way to him, sitting next to him. There’s a short silence, and you clear your throat. “I don’t think the rain will last long.”

Jungkook looks to his right, humming. “It might. Monsoons are crazy sometimes.”

You nod, not knowing what to say, and you suddenly wish you owned a TV. 

You’ve never even really watched TV before, but you’d kill to have something to fill the silence that rises between you and a very shirtless Jeon Jungkook.

“I really like your place,” Jungkook says, and you turn your head to meet his gaze.

His eyes are so genuine you feel yourself relax. “Didn’t you say your house is your dream house?”

His lips jut out in a hint of a pout, and he says, “It is. But sometimes I wish I had… more of a normal place, too.”

You understand what he means. Because living in a building like yours… not just anyone could pull up at his door. 

“Yeah?” you let out.

He nods. “I love my life, don’t take me wrong, but it’s hectic. It’s exhausting at times.”

“I can imagine.”

He doesn’t say anything, his eyes dropping to your lips. “But this life has a lot of advantages too.”

His eyes are turning a shade darker. You’re starting to recognize what it means, and you can’t help the small smile that grows on your lips, or the heat that once more swells in you.

“Yeah? Like what?”

He leans closer to you, eyes boring into your soul. “Like meeting pretty girls like you.”

“Like me? ‘Cause there are others?”

He remains silent, just looking at you like you’ve just said the dumbest thing he’s heard in his life.

“I’m teasing,” you say, chuckling.

The corners of his lips tip up. “You better be.”

Silence surrounds you, but it’s short lived as a loud bang echoes outside, the lightning storm finally hitting. It makes you jump a little, even though you’ve never been particularly scared of storms, and Jungkook notices, cocking an eyebrow.

“Everything okay?” he asks.

“Yeah.” You glance down at his mouth as he bites at his piercings. “Yeah, everything is okay.”

He smirks, and then he reaches to the back of your neck, pulling you into a kiss. His pink lips are still just as soft as they were the last time he kissed you, and you sigh against him, right as thunder rumbles again, though not as loud this time. 

Jungkook’s thumb swipes the side of your neck, barely even grazing the skin, and you shiver under his touch, tilting your head to the side to allow him better access. It deepens the kiss, and his tongue teases your bottom lip, asking for entrance. You grant it to him with another sigh, and your tongues tease at each other with gentle touches.

It’s languid. A kiss made of desire you’ve already been exploring together, of the knowledge you can pleasure each other. Yet it remains slow, deep, even as heat builds up inside of you.

Even as Jungkook gently pushes you down, up until he’s hovering over you, his warm skin soft under the palm of your hands as you run them along his back.

He leaves your mouth, trailing little bites and kisses on your jaw and down your neck, and you moan softly as his knee pushes your thighs open so he can kneel back between your legs.

His eyes are shining. Once more, you’re hit with the beauty he beholds, and all you can do is stare at him. He stares back with that same quiet intensity that inhabits his gaze whenever he looks at you, and you wonder how you once thought it was animosity.

There’s not a single ounce of animosity in the way Jungkook looks at you. Even earlier, when you nearly had an argument about his ex, that same gentle intensity didn’t waver, didn’t sour. Maybe that’s why you didn’t push more than you did.

You want to believe him when he says he’s over his ex. And when you look him in the eye, when you see how genuine he is… it’s hard not to believe it.

“How can you be so beautiful?” he asks, and your cheeks redden.

“Jungkook…”

“It’s true,” he insists. “Every time I look at you…”

He never finishes his sentence. Indeed, you sit up to bring your lips to his again, and the rest of his sentence is lost in your mouth, turned into a swipe of his tongue against yours. And then you’re leaning back with him over you, around you, and he kisses you so thoroughly you wonder what you’ll do when he’ll leave.

It’ll feel so empty without him here. You want to be greedy and ask him to stay over the night, but you can’t. You have a busy day tomorrow, and so does he, and your heart breaks at the thought of him not being here with you anymore.

“Fuck, is it crazy that I want you again?” he whispers against you and, for good measure, he grinds into you, his length rubbing against you.

You gasp at the feeling, and then you let out a small chuckle. “I think I’m a little sore.”

He pecks your cheek, leaning back just enough to meet your gaze. “That’s okay.” He pecks your lips then, lingering long enough that your heart reaches for him in the space between you. “I can do other things, too. Just wanna make you feel good before I go.”

And then your heartbeat scatters to the wind, quickening as he goes down your body, toying with the knot that’s holding your sweatpants up. He looks at you quizzically, asking for consent, and you give it to him with a quick nod as you realize what he wants.

But he’s a tease about it. He takes off your pants, leaving your panties on, hands slowly caressing up your legs before he pulls you to the edge of the couch as he kneels on the floor. He kisses the inside of your knee, eyes finding yours, and then he slowly goes up, pressing his lips on every inch of skin.

It’s sinfully beautiful to watch him like that, taking his time with you. With the lightning storm outside, you feel like you’ve stepped into an alternate reality, and you’re shivering in anticipation as his lips ghost over the apex of your thighs before going to your other thigh. This time, he bites at your skin, and you let out a small yelp that makes him chuckle darkly.

“Everything okay, baby?” he asks.

“You’re such a tease,” you grumble.

He kisses between your legs, earning a small breathy moan from you.

“Gotta get you wet and ready, mmh?”

It’s so crass. So crass and hot and it’s like there’s a tap between your legs, wetness gushing out of you. You part your lips, meaning to say something, but it’s like you forgot every word in the dictionary, especially as he pushes your panties to the side, looking at your center.

“Look at you,” he whispers. “So, so pretty.”

The second his tongue is on you, circling your clit once, you throw your head back against the couch, moaning lightly. You meant to say his name, but it breaks on the first syllable as he sucks on the sensitive bundle of nerves.

Jungkook is good at this. It seems like he’s good at everything when it comes to you, knowing your body by heart already. It’s like he can read every single tell you give him, coaxing moans out of you as he makes out with your pussy. It’s sloppy, with a lot of tongue and spit and a finger he pushes inside of you. More than that, it’s so good your head is spinning in no time, your thighs closing around his head.

He sits back just enough to push your legs wide open again, and then he’s back on you, unforgiving. You squirm on the couch, moans tumbling out of your mouth in time with the thunder outside, and you lose your hand in his hair as you grind on his face, looking for more friction. He flattens his tongue, moving his head from side to side as he fingers you slowly.

He’s moaning too. You feel the vibration all the way up your spine, and it makes your mind buzz with so much pleasure you feel your orgasm already coming.

It makes no sense. It’s too easy for him to make you feel this good, and you know you’re going insane. You’ll get addicted to him. Hell, you think you already are.

“Feels good?” Jungkook says as he leans back to push a second finger inside of you.

“Fuck, you curse in a broken sound. “Yes, Jungkook.”

He spits on your clit. “Good.”

And then he’s back on you, all tongue and small nips of his teeth, and you sprint towards your high, the climax hitting you as he curls his fingers to tease the sensitive nutty spot inside of you. You come hard, and he guides you through your high, fingers going slow inside of you as your walls clench and clench against him. His tongue keeps at your clit, teasing softly, until you pull on his hair as you grow oversensitive.

You look at him kneeling between your legs as you try to catch your breath, and he looks fuzzy at the edges, like he’s a thing of dreams. And you reckon he has to be.

There can’t be a man as perfect as Jeon Jungkook. It’s impossible. He has to be an invention of your brain, a prayer answered by your imagination, prayer to a need you’d refuse to name out loud. Yet he’s real, and he’s in your apartment, looking up at you with those stupid doe eyes you can’t get enough of, and fuck…

This has to be the scariest thing you’ve ever experienced.

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i love them so much y'all don't understand. rereading to edit for posting is my favourite thing ever. hope you guys liked this chapter <3 let me know what you think

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Saturday, July 19th

The stadium is buzzing with excitement. So is your inner teenager, who never got to see the band you loved so much in concert before. Yet this time around feels strange, different than you would have expected it to feel as a teenager.

Maybe because you’re in a private suite with Jennie, Mingyu, Eunwoo, and a couple of others you don’t know. Even Seokjin’s wife is here, and she looks a little shy, like she’s not comfortable with the people around her. Which you reckon, she might not be.

You too were completely starstruck when you met all of them, a few months ago. And from what you’ve gathered, Minha is fully Korean, and she doesn’t speak English. Indeed, when you tried to talk to her earlier, feeling bad for her, she just looked at you with a pretty smile on her lips and not an ounce of recognition in her eyes. 

Thankfully, Seokjin’s brother arrives before the concert starts, and she smiles at his sight. They sit together at the back, ready to watch with a glass of wine in hand.

“Let’s take pictures before the concert starts,” Jennie suggests next to you.

You nod, glancing towards the stage.

You haven’t seen Jungkook yet. Not since you came back to Korea, and especially not since you… masturbated together. He apologized for it the next day, and though you reassured him and told him that you wanted to do it too, it hasn’t happened again.

You think he’s been too shy to head that way once more, and you haven’t had the courage to do it either.

You grab your phone, handing it to Mingyu so that he takes a picture of you and Jennie. You end up taking multiple of them, doing different poses as instructed by Mingyu, who seems to be having way too much fun with it. And then, right when you’re done and moving to grab your phone again, his gaze widens.

“What?” you ask as you try to take your phone.

He raises it over his head, way out of reach for you. “You’ve been texting JK?”

Your heart skips a beat at the mention of Jungkook’s name, and you stand on your tiptoes to try to grab your phone again. It’s to no avail, as Mingyu is much taller than you, and you take a step back, folding your arms on your chest.

“It’s none of your business,” you grumble, cheeks burning.

Mingyu chuckles. “Don’t be mad,” he says, finally handing you your phone. “Just didn’t think you guys talked.”

“Why?” you ask, eyebrows furrowing.

Mingyu casts a look to the side, where Jennie is currently taking a selfie, looking effortlessly pretty like she always does. The music in the stadium is loud enough that she doesn’t seem to have heard what Mingyu said, so she offers no salvation.

“He’s been a dick to you,” Mingyu replies matter-of-factly. “I thought he didn’t like you.”

You didn’t expect him to be so blunt, and you just stare at him, blinking twice. 

“Oh,” you let out once you’ve recovered from the shock.

“You know what I mean though, right?” Mingyu says, and he looks apologetic, sheepish, like he’s just realized he might have come off as rude.

And the thing is, you do, because you thought the same thing, too.

Until that party at Jungkook’s place…

“I think he was just shy,” you carefully say.

Mingyu chuckles. “JK might be an introvert, but he’s not usually like that.”

It hurts. You don’t know why it does, but it hurts, and you’re not quite sure about Jungkook’s intentions anymore. Not that you were before, but if his best friend is saying that…

There has to be some truth to it, right?

“No?” you press, not knowing what else to say.

Mingyu shakes his head no. “Nah.”

He doesn’t say anything else, and you worry at your bottom lip, before asking, “So you think I shouldn’t talk to him?”

“Huh.” Mingyu shrugs, pursing his lips. “I just wouldn’t get attached if I were you.”

Your heart sinks in your chest, and you nod once. “Noted.”

Jennie decides this moment to pop back in, but you’re distracted, looking down at your phone to see what Jungkook sent you.

[7:43 pm] Jungkook: i hope you have fun tonight☺️

Before Mingyu said anything, that message would have made butterflies spread in your stomach and in your chest. Right now, all it does is fill you with a sense of dread you really don’t like, and you turn off your phone.

Better to see how he acts with you when you talk after the concert. Indeed, you’re all having drinks at a private event after, as they’ve rented a club for the night.

“Everything okay?” Jennie asks after she’s sent Mingyu away to get a drink for you and her.

Lychee martinis, as she’s become obsessed with them since you’ve made her taste one.

“Yeah,” you say, meeting her gaze and offering her a smile that you hope is convincing. “Just excited for the concert.”

“Mingyu said something, didn’t he?” she asks.

Of course she would know. Indeed, she’s the one that gave your phone number to Jungkook after all, as she’s told you. Even though you haven’t told her exactly what happened at the party, she’s very well aware that Jungkook wanted to talk to you.

“He said I shouldn’t get attached to Jungkook,” you admit.

She rolls her eyes, slightly shaking her head. “Don’t listen to him. I think Jungkook just hasn’t told him anything. Mingyu’s always been oblivious.”

The jab makes you snort, relieving some of the tension you felt. “Well, I hope you’re right.”

Jennie’s expression slowly changes, a smirk taking over her features. “So you’re admitting something is going on between the two of you?”

“Girl,” you sternly say, stretching your lips in a thin line. She just laughs before you add, “You know we’re talking.”

“I know.” Her smile turns more genuine, the mischief fading away. “He talks to Tae, and Tae talks to me.”

Your gaze widens, and you gulp around a sudden nervous lump in your throat.

Does she know what happened after the wedding?

“He does?” you say, and you hope she can’t see how the colours probably drained from your face. “What does he say?”

“Not much?” Jennie says like a question. “Just that you’ve been talking, and that he’s glad you’re here tonight.”

There they are. The butterflies you should have felt earlier. They slowly swarm in, spreading through your stomach and chest. You think some even spill in your brain, making you feel a bit dizzy.

A good dizzy, though.

“Aw,” you let out. “That’s… sweet?”

“It is.” Jennie glances to the side as Mingyu comes back with your drinks in his hands. “He doesn’t usually talk about girls.” And then she glares at Mingyu. “Asshole.”

He just stands there, eyes a little wide. “What did I do?”

She grabs your drinks, giving you yours. “Leave Jungkook and Y/n alone.”

“I didn’t do anything!” he claims, raising his hands in defence. “I can’t be the only one that noticed he’s been a dick to her.”

“He apologized!” Jennie replies. “And they talked it out and he asked me for her number, so leave them alone.”

Mingyu’s arms fall at his sides. “You’re telling me you believe he’s moved on from Sara?”

“Hopefully,” Jennie says. “It’s about time.”

“He was watching her stream last night.”

It’s like a bomb dropped in the room. Jennie’s jaw goes slack as her mouth falls open but no words come out, and you just stand there like your heart isn’t squeezing in your chest like a lemon in a lemon press.

It doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t. You and Jungkook aren’t anything to each other at the moment. You’ve hooked up once – twice with the nudes – and you have no clue if it will lead anywhere anyway. 

But he lied last night. Or maybe omitted telling you the truth. Because he said he was up late because he was anxious about the concert, and practicing some more in his home studio. Not because he was up watching his ex stream.

“You’re fucking with me,” Jennie says, and she sounds just as displeased as you are, if not more.

Mingyu nods. “I walked in on him watching her,” he says. 

He was staying at Jungkook’s place last night, for a reason you haven’t been made privy of.

You take a long sip of your martini, and both Jennie and Mingyu look at you. Jennie looks concerned, and Mingyu seems a little satisfied, knowing he’s proved a point.

“What?” you ask as they keep looking at you, not saying anything.

“Are you okay?” Jennie asks.

You shrug. “I’m fantastic.” You swallow, your throat still feeling drier than it should. “We don’t owe each other anything. We’ve barely even started talking.”

Yet it feels like a bad way to start something with someone. And even though you’d want to talk it out more with your friends, the lights in the stadium dim, and the crowd goes so wild you worry that your ears might start bleeding.

The energy is contagious, though, and you let it carry you as you all turn to watch the stage. They all file out in a single line, backlit with bright white screens that make it hard to distinguish anything. You don’t even think you can recognize which one of them is Jungkook, but then they split and head towards their own instruments, and you follow the silhouette that heads to the drums.

He looks tiny, over there. Like a small ant that lives in an entirely different universe than you do. It’s almost as if you can see the precipice between you and him, between the author and the musician, your lives having collided somehow. 

Yet you feel distant. So distant, as he plays a short string of sounds that makes the screams in the stadium increase in loudness even more. It’s followed by a few guitar chords, and then a short piano solo. Then it’s the bass, and a saxophone, and the lights suddenly switch off. It leaves a strange afterimage on the darkness that follows, though it’s short lived.

Jungkook hits the cymbals once, twice, thrice, and red light shines on the group as they immediately start playing. 

Your eyes trail to the giant screen as it shows all of the members of the group one after the other, and you feel like your heart momentarily stops when Jungkook appears, looking handsome as ever in his black dress shirt. He’s smiling, looking out at the crowd, his eyes shining from the stage lights.

As he finds the camera, you feel like he’s staring right into your soul. You almost believe he is – it’s like time stretches and the music pauses, and you force yourself to look away, eyes dropping to your drink.

You finish it in three long gulps, and Jennie pulls on your arm.

“Please enjoy the concert still,” she says in your ear over the music. “I’ll talk to him after.”

You sigh deeply. “I’ll talk to him myself.”

Jennie remains silent for a few seconds, and then she gives you a nod. “Alright. But I’ll still tell him he’s a little shit.”

You know she will, because that is half of her love language when it comes to her close friends like Jungkook and Mingyu. It’s almost like watching siblings interact, which you reckon they might feel like they are after so many years of knowing each other.

But for now, you push thoughts of this all aside, trying to focus on the music. It isn’t too hard when the second song they play is your all-time favourite from them, and then your inner teenager takes a hold of you, making you scream the lyrics at the top of your lungs along with Jennie.

And Seokjin on the stage, of course.

They play four songs straight, and you’re buzzing with energy – and perhaps a little anxiety from all the times Jungkook appeared on the screen, too – by the time they have a short interlude, where each of them address the crowd.

Jungkook goes last, and you take a deep breath as the camera moves from Jimin to him.

“Hi Seoul,” he says, grinning wide. 

He’s ethereal in the stage lights, his skin looking like it’s shining from within. His eyes are sparkling too, and you think you can’t quite breathe for a moment.

This guy sent you nudes just a few weeks ago. And apparently he’s still hung up over his ex. Who was fucking someone else at a party not too long ago.

You see the mess coming at you, yet you know it’s too late for you to stop. Because, as you watch him on the big screen, your heart rate picks up, your soul reaching forward.

You’re in deep shit.

*****

Jungkook is having the time of his life. He’s missed performing, missed feeling the crowd as he plays and occasionally sings. He missed the stage outfits and the lights and the makeup process and everything that makes up his job, but mostly his passion. Because this is it. This is what he was born to do – he was born to perform.

They rush out of the stage for a short interlude, and his heart is beating frantically, like it’s going to leap from his chest from the happiness coursing through his veins. They have to do a quick outfit change, which he reckons is pretty much useless in his case because no one will be able to tell when he’s sitting, but he still complies.

He still has three minutes before they go back on stage when he’s changed, so he drinks water, grabbing his phone where he left it at the vanity where they did his makeup. He frowns as he notices his notifications are void of you. He’d expected you to have said something by now, but you haven’t said anything for a little while, even before the concert started.

He hopes you’re here. He knows you’re supposed to be, but the fact that you aren’t replying is stressing him out.

“Ready?” Taehyung asks him, and Jungkook looks up from his phone, putting it back where he took it.

“Let’s go.”

He glances at his phone one last time, but he hasn’t received anything in the last two seconds, and he doubts you’ll send something anyway.

So he follows Taehyung, joining the other members where they are waiting for the cue to return to the scene. Namjoon gives them all a thumbs-up, smiling wide.

“We got this.”

He doesn’t have time for more encouraging words before the cue is given and they run back out on the stage, where the crowd erupts in wild screams that would probably make Jungkook’s ears bleed if he weren’t wearing his in-ears. It’s energizing, wildly so, and he can’t help but look towards the suites.

As if he’d be able to see you in the distance.

But then it’s music and the crowd and the lights, and you slowly slip out of his mind, like everything does whenever he performs. 

It’s just him, the drums, and the occasional line he sings in the mic. He lets the rhythm take over him, and it guides him through the second part of the concert, up until they reach the interlude before the encore.

And as the crowd screams on and on to get them to come back out, he tries to check his phone, but he’s pulled into a group hug by Seokjin, and he runs out of time to check.

Just three more songs, he tells himself as he has to return to the stage. 

They’re the three longest songs of his life. Or at least it feels like it, as they play the chorus of the last song again and again, the fans singing with them.

It gives him chills. It’s like, for a moment, the world outside is put on pause and it’s just the lyrics and the music, put on hold to hear the crowd singing better. He takes one of his in-ears out then, and the chills spread through his chest, bringing tears to his eyes.

The members are crying, too. After years of not performing together, the emotions are running high, and he truly does forget about you then. It really is just this moment, and the years that brought them here.

He remembers when they were teenagers with a dream, when they started learning their instruments. They’d been hired by a failing company trying to rewrite the music scene in Korea with a boy group that would not dance, but would play instruments. Not that it didn’t exist already, but in a land of pop groups with elaborate dancing, groups such as theirs were sparse.

They used to practice in a garage, and almost no one showed up to their first concert. It was them and a hundred fans that they almost all knew by name back then, because they were friends and family and people from their high schools.

Jungkook’s first girlfriend had been there. She’d believed in him, pushed him to pursue his dreams, but their young love didn’t survive the years and the rising fame. She broke up with him when they turned eighteen, and then he had years of sleeping around, of enjoying what his fame allowed him before he met Sara.

All throughout those years, they’d broken records and sold out shows and stadiums and they’d toured all around the world. Jungkook went to countries he never imagined he’d visit one day, met people from all sorts of different cultures and backgrounds. And then it was military service, years away from this group, from his family.

He’s crying. He’s crying now, the weight of the years behind him, behind them, hitting like a truck. They’re all crying, and they hug while the fans cheer on and on. And Jungkook remains emotional, even as they finally leave the stage, and the announcement of their album  comeback lights up the giant screens.

“You okay?” Yoongi asks as Jungkook wipes his cheeks once they’re backstage.

Jungkook takes a shuddering breath in. “Yes,” he lets out, and he laughs. “Yes. Just happy to be back.”

Yoongi smiles, his own eyes shining silver. “Me too, man. Me too.”

The staff backstage congratulates them for the concert, and they serve cake to everyone, and Jungkook just stays with the members, absorbing the moment. Taking it all in, because who knows how many more of these moments they will have?

They’re lucky for this life. So, so lucky.

“To BTS,” Namjoon says, and he raises a glass of champagne. 

Jungkook blinks, and he’s holding a glass too, and they clink their glasses together, the seven of them, as cameras film them to make a small movie for the fans. It’s mostly because of those cameras that Jungkook doesn’t have access to his phone until almost an hour later, when they are finally released to go to the afterparty at the club the company rented.

Luckily, they have time to shower and change at the venue before they head to the club, and so Jungkook can finally check his phone. He’s received multiple texts while they were performing, and he scrolls through all of them, expecting to see your name…

But all he sees is Sara. Sara, who congratulated him for the concert. And it hurts so bad he just deletes the message, choosing to pretend she didn’t say anything.

Especially not after the way she treated him the last time they saw each other, at that party where you were, too.

Jungkook finishes scrolling through the messages, and his heart sinks in his chest, lower than he expected it would tonight. 

You haven’t said anything. It’s so strange after how much you’ve been texting over the last few weeks, and Jungkook rakes his brain, trying to figure out what might have happened. But he’s got no time for that. Not when they’re rushed to the afterparty, and he’s swept up in the flashes of the paparazzis and in the drinks that are handed to him the second they walk in.

It’s chaotic, and he’s high on the concert and now getting drunk. It’s an out-of-body experience, much like performing was, but different this time. He doesn’t think he knows what this performance is, yet this feels like one, and he reckons he doesn’t know what he’s doing. Because he scans the main room of the club they’re in, looking for you, but all he sees are countless faces of people that want to celebrate him, and he’s got no way of finding you.

It occurs to Jungkook that he might be starting to panic. He’s suffered a lot with anxiety post-performance in the past – something about the high leaving him fully exhausted – and though he didn’t expect it to happen tonight of all moments, it makes sense that it does.

After all, he hasn’t performed in a long time, and he’s pretty sure he did mess up at least twice.

“Hey, Jungkook,” Jimin says in front of him.

Jungkook raises his head, meeting his friend’s gaze.

“Everything okay?”

Jungkook gulps. “I think I need some air.”

Jimin nods, understanding lighting up his features. He’s also been prone to panic attacks such as the one Jungkook realizes he’s starting to experience, and so Jimin knows what to do. He pulls Jungkook behind him until they’re out of the club, in an alley that’s been closed off to allow the party-goers to come outside to smoke without paparazzis seeing them.

There are currently two people Jungkook recognizes from the concert’s production team there, and they must see something on his face because they immediately throw their cigarettes on the ground in a puddle of water that Jungkook hopes is rain even though he doesn’t think it rained today. They then walk back inside, and Jungkook watches them go before his gaze slides back to Jimin.

“Breathe,” Jimin says as he claps Jungkook on the shoulder. “Tonight was a lot.”

“Shit,” Jungkook lets out. He runs a hand through his hair, and he blinks a few times. “It was amazing, though.”

Jimin smiles. “It was. You did great.”

“Ugh,” Jungkook groans. “Hobi looked like he wanted to kill me during Fire.”

“Hobi always looks like he wants to kill everyone during Fire,” Jimin points out.

It’s true. It’s one of their most musically-challenging songs, every instrument having its own tricky part. It’s also one of Jungkook’s favourite songs to play, but he knows he made a mistake during Hoseok’s keyboard solo.

“Yeah,” Jungkook lets out. He takes a deep breath, shutting his eyes for a few seconds. “This is going to take a moment to get adjusted to again.”

“It is,” Jimin agrees. “For all of us. But I promise, you did amazing tonight.”

Jungkook just smiles at his older friend, thankful for the compliment. And then he takes a deep breath, looking up to the sky. There doesn’t seem to be any clouds up above, but the city lights hide the stars. So it’s just a void up above, but it’s a void that helps Jungkook with feeling smaller, with feeling the way his feet are grounded and the way the air coats his lungs with every inspiration.

“Fuck,” he curses when he’s sure the anxiety attack is pushed back. “Thank you for coming outside with me.”

Right as he says the words, the door opens, and Namjoon and some of his friends from the army walk out.

“Hey!” Namjoon greets them, and he daps them up, before pulling a cigarette pack out of the pocket of his jeans. He hands one to Jimin, who makes a disgusted face, and then hands it to Jungkook, who takes it willingly. 

“I’m going to head back inside,” Jimin says, eyes trailing to Jungkook. “You gonna be okay?”

Jungkook nods. “All good.”

Jimin claps him on the shoulder again, and then he’s walking back into the club, and Jungkook puts the cigarette between his lips as Namjoon raises his lighter to offer him fire. The smoke is acrid as Jungkook inhales, but he immediately feels himself relaxing. And though he doesn’t really know Namjoon’s friends, he still stays with them for a little while, just listening to their conversation. He feels like a creep when he finishes his cigarette and still stands there though, so he tells his leader that he’ll see him later, and then he too goes back inside, welcomed with loud music and booming bass the second he steps in.

He heads to the bar, keen on ordering a whiskey on ice to chase the taste of the cigarette away, and he’s pushing through the crowd when the hair on his body stands up, and he raises his gaze.

There you are. At the bar, looking pretty as ever, chatting away with Mingyu. It’s just the two of you, and Mingyu wraps an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into a side hug. You don’t resist, and Jungkook stops in his tracks to watch.

He’s a deer, frozen in headlights, but then you turn. You turn and you see him through the crowd and Jungkook feels calm for the first time this evening. 

He’s been waiting for you. For the last three weeks, he’s just been waiting to see you again, and his heart finds a steady beat that makes it so much easier to breathe. Especially as you smile, and you seem so shy, so precious, and so, so different from what you were the first few times Jungkook had the chance to see you.

His throat is dry. He swallows, and then he resumes his walk towards the bar, towards you, and Mingyu catches sight of him too. But Jungkook only has eyes for you – it’s like the whole bar faded away when he finally saw you.

“Hey,” he says as he stops in front of you.

You lean back against the bar, looking up at him with those shiny eyes of yours that pictures can’t do justice to. “Hey Jungkook.”

He might die right here right now. The way you say his name…

Flashes of the pictures and videos you sent him go through his mind, and he feels his cheeks burning. Thankfully, he’s wearing enough makeup to cover it, and he offers you a small smile, still ignoring Mingyu.

“Okayyyy,” Mingyu lets out. “I’ll let you guys talk.” He raps his knuckles on the bar once, and then he looks at you. “Just remember what I told you.”

You glance at him, giving him a short nod of acknowledgement, but your attention is quick to return to Jungkook, and he feels like he’s winning.

He doesn’t know what he’s winning, but it feels amazing.

“Did you like the concert?” he asks.

You smile. It doesn’t show your teeth, but it does reveal traces of dimples in your cheeks and fuck, Jungkook really wishes it was just you and him tonight.

“I loved it,” you answer. “It was better than anything I could have imagined.”

He almost drops to his knees at your praise. He doesn’t know why it hits him so hard, but he feels like only your opinion mattered tonight.

Not even Sara, and that stupid text she sent.

You look to the side, just some way behind Jungkook, and he looks over his shoulder to catch Jennie looking. And she looks furious, clenching her jaw, and Jungkook feels like he’s in trouble, though he doesn’t know why.

“Thank you,” he tells you as he turns to look at you again, dismissing Jennie because he truly does not have the energy to deal with her right now. “I’m really happy you were there to see it.”

You just smile, and the silence feels a little awkward, which he reckons was to be expected after what happened over text messages But he takes it in stride – he’s been feeling a lot more comfortable when it comes to you now that he’s gotten to know you better, even if it was only over texts. So he steps closer to the bar, grabbing the barmaid’s attention. She’s currently making someone else’s drink – she’s serving the girl that he saw with Yoongi while they were recording the album – and she gives him a nod to acknowledge him.

“How’s it been to be back in Seoul?” he asks as he waits for the barmaid to come to take his order.

“Honestly,” you start, “it’s been great. I’ve been loving my life here more than I realized.”

Jungkook smiles. “The city has its charms.”

“It’s the people that really make it charming,” you reply with a twinkle in your eyes that makes Jungkook think you mean more than just the people.

That makes him think you mean him, actually.

“That makes sense,” he replies. “We’re pretty great, aren’t we?”

You laugh, and Jungkook is not sure he’s ever made you laugh before, and it’s so addictive he makes a promise to himself to always try to make you laugh. Because when you laugh, it’s like the sun is shining from within you, and you steal his breath away.

Though he thinks you’ve been stealing his breath away since the first time he laid eyes on you. That’s probably why he was so uncomfortable around you at the beginning, because he’s never really experienced that with anyone before.

“Mmh, not all of you,” you joke.

Jungkook chuckles. “Wow, I’m wounded.”

You just smile, your eyes sparkling, and Jungkook has to look away to preserve some of his sanity. To his luck, the barmaid walks over to him then, and he orders his whiskey before glancing at you.

“What do you want to drink?” he asks.

“Lychee martini,” you answer.

He nods, and he gives your order to the barmaid too, and then he turns to face you as she gets the drinks ready.

“You look beautiful,” he compliments you.

Pink splashes on your cheeks as your gaze drops down. “Thank you.”

You really do. You’re wearing jeans with some sparkles on them, and your shirt is open in the back, with a cleavage that’s hanging a little lower than people usually dare to do here in Seoul, though it’s nothing indecent. Your hair is also half up half down, and your bangs frame your features prettily. Your makeup is light, just enough to accentuate your features, and Jungkook smiles as you meet his gaze again.

There’s a short silence, and his heart does a weird thing in his chest as he holds your gaze. It’s like he’s falling forward while staying in place and, fuck, he might need a moment to collect himself.

“Congrats on the concert,” a man says in Korean behind him, and Jungkook turns to see his older brother standing there.

“What the fuck?” Jungkook lets out, and his brother opens his arms, and they hug tightly. “When did you get to Seoul?”

“We all were at the concert,” Junghyun says, and he glances at you.

“This is Y/n,” Jungkook quickly introduces you in English. “She’s…” he trails off, not knowing what to introduce you as, which is stupid because he’s aware you technically are nothing to him…

Yet.

“A friend,” you complete. “Nice to meet you.”

“My brother, Junghyun,” Jungkook says, motioning at his brother. “Mom and dad are here too?”

“Not at this club, no,”  Junghyun says. “But they were at the concert, and mom is probably still crying about it.”

Jungkook grabs his phone out of his pocket, and he goes through his text messages again. He didn’t see earlier as he was just searching for your name, but his mother did text him, and he feels guilty for not noticing before. He opens the conversation, quickly replying to her, and then he puts his phone away.

“You guys should have told me, I would have gotten you a suite.”

“You know they prefer to experience the concert in the crowd,” Junghyun points out.

He motions behind Jungkook, and Jungkook turns to see that your drinks are ready. He grabs yours, giving it to you with a smile, and he almost chokes on air as your fingers slightly graze his as you grab the glass. Electricity shoots up his arms and through his spine, and you must have felt it too, because you let out a small ‘Oh’, that makes Jungkook want to tell his brother to leave.

But Jungkook doesn’t say anything, because he hasn’t seen him in a while, and he doesn’t want to make things awkward. So, he asks his brother how he’s been, and Junghyun tells him about work, and about his fiancée, who remained in Busan to take care of her grandmother. You sip your lychee martini through the conversation, though Junghyun keeps switching to Korean, and Jungkook doubts you can keep up. He makes the effort to try and always reply in English, but he can’t help himself sometimes.

“And what about you?” Junghyun asks you, and your gaze widens, like you’re surprised by the question. “What do you do for work?”

You clear your throat, glancing at Jungkook before replying, “I’m a writer.”

“Oh?” Junghyun lets out. “What do you write?”

“Books. Romance books.”

“She’s pretty popular,” Jungkook jumps in. “She’s just finished writing a book that takes place here in Korea.”

“That’s fun,” Junghyun says. “Did you find Korea inspiring?”

You meet Jungkook’s gaze for a few seconds, and he swears you’re smiling for him when you say, “I did.”

Jungkook’s heart skips a beat. Or three. And he hides his dumb smile by drinking his whiskey, the bitter taste warming his throat.

“I’ll be on the lookout for it,” Junghyun says. He glances down at his watch on his wrist, and then looks at Jungkook. “I only came to congratulate you quickly,” he says in Korean. “But I have to go. We should have dinner before we go back to Busan.”

“When are you going back?” Jungkook asks.

“Next Wednesday.”

“What about Monday?” 

Junghyun nods. “Yeah, that should work. I’d say tomorrow, but…” He slides his gaze to you. “I bet you’ll be busy.”

Jungkook chuckles, nodding his head with a lot more confidence than he feels. “I might be.”

“Good luck,” Junghyun says, pulling him in a quick hug. “Bye, Y/n,” he says when he pulls away. “It was nice to meet you.”

“It was nice to meet you too,” you return the sentiment, and then Junghyun gives Jungkook one last nod before walking away.

For a second, Jungkook wonders how he even managed to get on the guest list for the party, but he assumes one of the members must have helped. Junghyun is in good terms with all of them after all.

“I wasn’t expecting to meet your brother,” you say next to him, and Jungkook looks at you, laughing lightly.

“Yeah sorry about that,” he says. He takes a sip of whiskey. “I didn’t even know he was coming.”

“It must have been a good surprise for you.” You smile, and then you drink your own drink.

Jungkook nods. “Yeah. My parents came to the concert too.”

“Oh? They weren’t in the suite.”

“Nah, they wanted the crowd vibe.”

“Ah, they wanted the real experience, I see.” Your eyes spark softly. “Can’t blame them.”

Jungkook’s gaze slightly narrows. “Are you telling me you want me to get you regular tickets next time?”

“Next time?” you repeat, and he doesn’t like that you seem surprised.

Of course, he wants you to come to his next concerts. Hell, he’d want you in the crowd at every single one of them, which he reckons might become a problem.

He’s getting attached to you, and really fast.

“Yeah,” he lets out with a short nod. “Unless you don’t want to come.”

“Oh no, I would love it,” you reassure him. “I used to be a big fan, remember?”

How could he forget?

“Well, I’ll get you the best seats in the stadium next time,” he promises. 

You grin, nodding your head approvingly. “Perfect.”

Jungkook just holds your gaze for a few seconds, and he can hear his heart beating in his chest so loud it almost covers the music in the club. It’s entrancing, and he feels the need to have you to himself.

So, even though that’s not what he originally meant to say, he can’t help the next words that come out of his mouth.

“Do you want to go somewhere quiet?”

*****

You haven’t been able to stop thinking about what Mingyu said when you were in the suite before the concert. It’s been running around in your head as Jungkook called a driver to drive you to his place, as he suggested. 

But Jungkook looked so happy to see you, and has been so sweet since you’ve started talking tonight that you can’t reconcile him with someone that’s hung up over his ex. Especially not after you met his brother, and Jungkook seemed so… happy to be able to introduce you to him.

And the way he seemed proud about the fact you wrote a book that’s set in Seoul…

He’s confusing. Or maybe it’s Mingyu that was unnecessarily confusing, planting a seed of doubt where you didn’t need to have one.

After all, you and Jungkook have been texting constantly since your cousin’s wedding. He tells you all about his days, asks you about yours, and you’ve even talked about your families a lot. Which is why it felt weird to see his brother – you know how much Jungkook values his brother, and you really didn’t want to disappoint.

Which, you reckon you will ask Jennie if she knows any good Korean tutors, because you need to be able to speak better Korean. You could barely follow the conversation earlier, and if it wasn’t for Jungkook talking in English most of the time, you would have been entirely lost.

“After you,” Jungkook says, motioning in front of him at the world outside the club’s door. 

It occurs to you that there are paparazzi just waiting to take pictures, and you already can see the pictures on the covers of every tabloid tomorrow. It doesn’t seem to matter to Jungkook, and you just hold his gaze for a few seconds, before nodding once.

“Let’s go,” you say, and then you step outside, and Jungkook is right behind you.

It flashes white. You think you go partly blind, and if it wasn’t for the driver waiting for you at the car and opening the door for you, you think you might have just made a fool of yourself trying to figure out where the door handle was. But luckily, the driver ushers you in the car, and Jungkook gets in behind you. The door shuts, and the darkness that follows is almost just as blinding.

You blink a few times, letting your eyes adjust to the dim lighting as the driver walks around the car to get in the driver’s seat. You feel Jungkook’s arm and thigh pressing against your side, and your heart races in your chest.

You know you have to talk to him about what Mingyu said, but you just don’t know how to approach the subject. Especially not as he leans against the car door so that he can look at you better.

“Please don’t judge my house, I haven’t had time to clean in a few days,” he says.

You chuckle, surprised that he even worries about that. 

“Don’t worry about it,” you reassure him. 

The car starts moving, but your attention remains on Jungkook. On the way he’s looking at you and you only, and your heart strains in your chest.

Why does he have to be hung up over his ex?

“You really do look beautiful tonight,” Jungkook whispers, and it’s barely audible over the sound of the music that the driver just put on.

Your cheeks burn. “Thank you.”

Jungkook reaches for you, but his hand stops midway, his fingers curling in a fist that he drops on his thigh. He looks down as he opens his hand, and you glance at the tattoos on his skin.

“It must have hurt,” you let out.

Jungkook looks up, confused. “Huh?”

Your blush deepens, or at least it feels like it does. “The tattoos,” you clarify, and you point at his hand.

Bolder than him, you reach for him, tracing the tattoos with your finger. They’re letters, representing the name of his group’s fanbase, ARMY. Jungkook doesn’t say anything as you trace the two first letters. You think he tenses, going rigid, and you wonder if you did the wrong thing.

When you look up to meet his darkened gaze, you know it isn’t what it is. You can almost see the tether he’s putting on himself, trying to resist… something.

Or at least you think that that is what it is. Because he seems like he’s barely breathing, looking at you through his lashes like you’re the center of the universe.

Hell, when he looks at you like that, you reckon you might be.

“Did it?” you ask, and you sound a lot more breathless than you thought you were.

Maybe because it feels like there’s a rope between you and Jungkook, and it’s pulled taut. You’re a second away from falling over the edge, and you don’t know where that would lead you.

“Hurt?” he asks, as if to confirm.

All you can do is nod, wetting your lips. It attracts his gaze, and he looks down at your mouth, his eyes growing even darker, ravenous.

“A little bit,” he replies, his voice low. “But it was worth it.”

You trace the M, and you wonder if he can tell how your hand is slightly shaking. “It’s pretty.”

He doesn’t say anything, waiting for you to look up at him to say something. When you do, your gaze snatches in his, getting stuck in the dark depths that inhabit his eyes. It feels like falling forward, like he pulled on the taut rope to pull you in, and all you can hope is that he’s ready to catch you.

He turns his hand, palm up, and your finger hovers over him for a few seconds before he reaches up, grabbing your hand. It’s awkward for a second, but then he interlaces his fingers with yours, his thumb tracing the back of your hand. It feels like a lightning bolt went up your arm, and your breath hitches in your throat.

“I’m glad I get to see you tonight,” Jungkook whispers, his voice dark and low, husky.

It’s like a sensual caress on your senses, and your body tingles.

“Me too,” you reply.

“Been thinking about you so much,” he admits, and you wonder if it’s a truth he wanted to say aloud. Because he seems taken aback by his own words, and he clears his throat. “I was looking forward to getting to talk to you in person.”

You chuckle lightly. “Yeah, we haven’t done a lot of that before.”

“It’s my fault, really.” He tilts his head to the side, and you watch as the streetlights coat his skin in orange gold for a few seconds while he seems to be looking for the right thing to say. “I’m really sorry about that, you know?”

“You don’t have to apologize about it again,” you reassure him, and a shot of warmth runs up and down your spine as you add, “You apologized for that plenty the last time I saw you.”

When he was knuckles deep in you, pulling one of the most mindblowing orgasms out of you like it was nothing. You’d run away like the coward you are, and today you wonder what might have happened had you stayed.

“Yeah?” he lets out.

You nod as your throat goes dry, and you almost choke, though you manage to stop it at a gulp. “Yeah.”

He wets his lips, his tongue toying with his piercings, and it’s your turn to look down at his mouth. “What if I want to apologize some more tonight?”

You’re slowly turning molten. Like lava spurting out of a volcano. And you’re not sure if you’ll make it out alive.

“Then I’d say you should take me out on a date first,” you tease.

He smiles. A grin that splits his face open like you’ve just offered him the world, and you reckon he might just like the challenge in your words.

Jeon Jungkook seems like the kind of man that likes a challenge.

“I’ll take you out on a date,” he says like a promise, his grin turning into a softer smile. 

You’re smiling too. It’s warm, gentle, like the glow of the spring sun on your face. And you wonder why it is that it was weird with him before, when this feels like the most natural thing you’ve ever experienced.

The rest of the car ride is spent with Jungkook asking you about your time back home, as if you didn’t talk every day while you were there. He seems genuinely interested, remembering things you told him that you don’t even remember, and it’s so sweet it tastes like candy on your tongue.

It’s sweet, and so, so treacherous considering the ex he’s hung up over. 

The car drives down the boulevard on which you live, and you look towards your building, motioning at it.

“I live right there,” you tell Jungkook. 

He looks where you’re pointing, eyebrows slightly raising in surprise. “For real?”

You nod, and he chuckles.

“We’re practically neighbours.” He says the words with genuine glee, and you can’t help the way your heart beats a little faster, a little warmer.

“We are,” you agree.

As if to confirm, the car turns on Jungkook’s street, the driver starting the climb towards Jungkook’s house. Because, much like many streets in Seoul, Jungkook’s street goes up and up, his house resting atop a large, though flat hill. It doesn’t take too long from there before you finally reach Jungkook’s house, and the sight that welcomes you is…

Not quite you were expecting to see.

A girl is trying to open the door, and she bolts as the driver honks. Jungkook tenses next to you, his fingers twitching in yours – he didn’t let go of your hand as you made your way to his home. You don’t have time to see the girl’s face, and Jungkook lets out a string of curses as he finally lets go of your hand to grab his phone.

“Shibal,” he lets out, and a muscle feathers under his skin as he clenches his jaw. “Let me just see…” he trails off, and you watch as he opens an app that reveals a feed of the camera that is over his front door.

It’s a security app of some sort, and he brings up the footage of five minutes ago. It’s bone chilling to see the girl already there, trying her luck at his door, though she was careful to keep her head hung low. The hat she’s wearing does a good job of covering his features, and Jungkook leans his head back against the car door, shutting his eyes in annoyance.

“I’ll have to send this to the police,” he says, sounding infinitely defeated. 

“That’s a good idea,” you reply, unsure what else to say.

He’s retracted somewhere within himself, and you can’t even blame him. God knows how frightened you’d be if someone tried to get into your home, and it’s a recurring occurrence for him.

“I’m sorry,” you add after a few beats of silence.

He meets your gaze, offering you a weak smile. “It’s not your fault,” he says, as if by reflex. “Let’s just go in and forget about that.”

You give him a nod, and his smile falls as he turns to open the car door. You follow him out quickly, and he unlocks his front door with another app on his phone. He also presses a password on the dial pad by his door, which unlocks a second lock that allows him to push the door open.

If you were him, you’d have fifteen locks on that door. Just in case.

Once you’re in Jungkook’s house, the door safely locked behind you, Jungkook turns on the lights with a switch that’s next to the door. It reveals dark walls, and a step up to access the rest of the house, separating the hall to the actual house. You take off your shoes there, and Jungkook offers you slippers that are definitely too big for you.

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes as he looks at the way you’re floating in the slippers.

“It’s okay,” you reassure him. “I don’t actually need slippers.”

“Don’t want your feet to get cold,” he says, frowning slightly as if what you just said was offensive.

You chuckle, raising your shoulders apologetically. “Sorry, I’ll keep the slippers, then.”

That seems to make him happy as he smiles, though it doesn’t quite reach his eyes the way that it did back at the bar and in the car. You hate it, and you immediately reach forward, grabbing his hand to give him a gentle squeeze.

“Are you okay?” you ask.

He sighs, shutting his eyes for a few seconds before meeting your gaze again. “I’m so tired of people coming to my door,” he reveals. He gives your hand a squeeze back, and then he pulls you in. You stumble forward, and he wraps his arm around your waist. “Just want peace and quiet, you know?”

You understand that. You don’t know why that sentence warranted a hug, but you reckon he probably needs it, so you wrap your arms around him too, resting your head on his chest.

His heart is beating softly, gently, a melody much more mellow than the ones he played on his drum set at the concert. It’s steady, and as you hold him a little tighter, its speed increases. It makes you melt, and you shut your eyes, taking in the feeling of his strong body against yours.

“That helps,” he whispers.

You’re glad. You’ll help him however he wants tonight, if only so that you can see his pretty smile again.

“Good.”

He pulls back, though he still holds you close. He just pulls back enough to look down at you, and you look up, your gaze finding his.

“This is peace and quiet,” he says, and he wets his lips. 

From this close, you can see the way it makes them glisten, and your throat goes dry. “Yeah?”

He nods, his eyes scanning your features as if he’ll find answers in the lines of your face. Maybe he does, because his smile reaches his eyes next, and he looks appeased, calmer.

“Do you want something to eat or drink?” he asks.

You’d imagine it would ruin the magic of the moment somehow, though after what happened outside, the domesticity of his words just makes you want to hold him a little tighter, a little longer.

It’s strange to think you used to believe he didn’t like you.

“Yes, I’d take something to eat, honestly,” you reply.

He nods, but he doesn’t move, and you won’t be the one to move either. You just hold his gaze, cheeks growing warm as his eyes drop to your lips. You feel pulled forward again, like a speck of dust in the Sun’s orbit.

You’re going to kiss him. Hell, you think he’ll kiss you right then and there, too, but then he straightens, stepping back, and the moment is lost.

Instead, he offers you his hand, and the loss of his warmth from the hug ending is purely temporary as you interlace your fingers with his, letting him pull you into his house. 

You’re not at all surprised to see that the ground floor of his house is mostly dark, with the occasional lighter colour here and there – a blanket on the large couch, an art frame on the wall, a picture of him and the members of his group at the bottom of the staircase that leads to the second floor. In the kitchen, a white rag is hanging from the tap, left to dry sometimes yesterday, you assume, as you doubt Jungkook took the time to wash the dishes today.

In truth, dirty dishes await him in the sink, you notice as he guides you to sit on a stool at his kitchen island, and he immediately starts washing them, apologizing for the mess.

“If that is what you call a mess, you should never come to my place,” you tell him, and he laughs.

“That bad?”

In truth, you like to keep your space clean and tidy too. But your apartment is so small compared to Jungkook’s house, so even just leaving the shoes next to the door gives the impression that the whole place is cluttered.

“Not really,” you admit, which makes you both laugh. When the laughter recedes, you say, “I guess you’ll have to see one day.”

He smiles, and this time, it does fully reach his eyes, making them sparkle much like they were sparkling when you saw him on the big screen during the concert. It makes you feel all too powerful to be the one bringing that reaction out of him, and you wish you weren’t on the other side of his kitchen island.

You really do feel like kissing him.

“I’d love to,” he says. “I love visiting apartments.”

It’s a tiny piece of what makes him the person that he is. He offers it to you on a silver platter, and you tuck it in a safe corner of your heart.

“Do you?” 

He nods enthusiastically. “I like to see how people live.”

“I bet you judge them too.”

He narrows his eyes. “No, of course not. Why would I?”

“Because you were judging me for weeks when we first met?”

The quip came naturally, and Jungkook’s cheeks turn pink as his mouth falls open.

“Hey, that’s not true!” 

His lips are jutting out in the smallest of pouts, and it’s so adorable, yet so strange with the piercings that adorn his lower lip. It’s a stark contrast, and you can’t help the way you stare at his mouth.

It distracts you somehow, and you clear your throat, gaze dropping to the dark quartz countertop between the two of you.

“Just teasing.”

“You better be,” he says as he hangs the rag back on the tap, now done with washing dishes. “Or I won’t cook you something.”

You wonder where he gets the energy to cook at this time of the night, after a concert. But it seems Jungkook has an infinite supply of energy, because even though he teased, he immediately starts pulling food out of his fridge and pantry, and he grabs a pan that he puts on the stove.

“You like spicy food?” he asks.

You nod. “I can handle my spice,” you reassure him. “I would not survive here if I couldn’t.”

He chuckles, shooting you a look from where he’s opening a pack of meat, tearing the plastic wrapper open. “Good. I’ll make it extra spicy for you.”

“Try me,” you challenge.

He loves the challenge, which only confirms your earlier theory. Jeon Jungkook is a man of challenges indeed, because the food he sets up before you half an hour later is wafting steam that makes your eyes water from the spice, and the first bite makes you wish you hadn’t told him you like spice.

“Damn,” you let out, slightly choking. “That is spicy.”

“Do you like it?” he asks, and he sounds so insecure all of a sudden you have to do a double take to make sure he’s being serious.

“Yes, of course,” you reassure him. 

And you do. Despite the spice, the flavours he mixed together meet in your mouth in a delicious explosion, and the spice lingers for a few seconds after you swallow, like it refuses to let go entirely. 

“Let me get you water,” he says, and he goes back to his fridge, grabbing a bottle. He hesitates before closing the fridge door, throwing you a look. “Actually, do you want a beer?”

You nod. “Sure, I’ll have one.”

He likes your reply. It shows in the way he grins, much like he did in the car earlier, and you figure his stress from the girl outside hasn’t lingered while he cooked, which is a relief. You much prefer this version of Jungkook, with the sparks in his eyes and the light flush to his cheeks, to the sullen version that appeared when he saw the stalker outside.

He grabs two beer bottles, opening them before walking back to you, and he sits next to you, in front of his own plate. He hands you your beer, and you clink bottles before taking a sip. The beer is bitter, and it douses the spice that was burning in your mouth.

“Thank you,” you tell him as you put the bottle down, and Jungkook gives you a quick smile, but doesn’t say anything.

He’s too busy eating, and you reckon he might have been starving after the concert. It really looks like he does, because he eats his own plate in record time, and you end up giving him the rest of yours when you feel full. He gobbles that down too, which only makes you laugh at him.

“Have you never eaten before?” you tease him as you put your now empty beer bottle down on the counter after having taken a sip.

He narrows his eyes at you, and then his features soften as he says, “It’s just really good.”

It’s cute. He looks proud of himself, and you can’t help the way your lips curl up. “It is.”

He finishes eating soon after that, and he puts your plates away in the sink, quickly washing them and putting them to dry with his dishes from earlier.

“So,” he says, holding the ‘o’ sound for a few seconds. “Let’s go sit in the living room, we’ll be more comfortable.”

You nod, though you make a quick stop to the bathroom – which he shows you is nestled between two bedrooms down a hallway – and then you join him in the living room, where he’s sprawled on the couch. He looks boyish like that, his hair a little dishevelled from the way he ran a hand through it.

“Your bathroom is way too fancy for me,” you say as you sit next to him.

He turns off his phone, putting it down on the coffee table. “Is it?”

“This whole house is,” you say, motioning around. “It must have cost a fortune.”

“I actually got it built,” he admits, almost sheepishly. “It’s my dream home.”

You smile softly. “You’re lucky.”

At that he just holds your gaze for a few seconds, his big, doe eyes shining from within. And then he reaches forward, straightening, and he brushes a strand of your hair behind your ear, his fingers ghosting on your cheek for a few seconds before he pulls away.

You’re burning hot red when he says, “I really am.”

You know he doesn’t mean the house. Not with the way he looks at you. You don’t think anyone has ever looked at you like that and gosh, you think it’ll make you go insane.

His ex. He’s hung up over his ex.

“Maybe uh,” you say, clearing your throat as your eyes drop to his phone on the coffee table as it buzzes once. 

Jungkook ignores it, his eyes staying on your profile as he waits for you to continue. You feel at a loss for words, enough so that he ends up saying, “Maybe what?”

You swallow, wishing you hadn’t finished your beer while eating earlier.

Wishing you’d thought to ask for another one.

“Maybe you could give me a tour of the house,” you suggest.

He raises his eyebrows slightly, features soft. “Oh, you want a tour?”

You shrug. “Why not? I want to see what makes a house your dream home.”

He nods, and then he glances around at his living room, which makes you do so too. The walls are dark, much like all the walls in the house so far, and he’s got one of the biggest TVs you’ve ever seen hung on the wall. Multiple gaming consoles are on the small table underneath it, and you think you spy a Switch 2 amongst them. The wide room houses a large couch and a short coffee table, too, but the rest of it is empty, save for a vase in a corner and a little table in another with what looks like an essential oil diffuser sitting atop it. It sparks to life as you’re looking at it, most likely controlled by a schedule Jungkook set up before, and mist starts pouring out of it, confirming that it’s indeed a diffuser.

“Well, I spend a lot of time in the living room,” he says, and your attention returns to him. “But I’m honestly almost always in the basement.”

Which you saw last time you were here. It doesn’t stop Jungkook from suggesting going downstairs, and you follow him down the corridor where the bathroom is. The door at the end leads to a staircase going down to the basement, and Jungkook leads you downstairs as he uses an app on his phone to turn on the lights. 

You’re starting to think his whole house is controlled by apps. You wouldn’t be surprised if it was – Jungkook seems like the kind of man that loves technology.

“So, you saw the bar already,” Jungkook starts as you’re almost at the bottom of the stairs, and he clears his throat, pink dusting his cheeks. “And the gym.”

“Yeah.” You swallow, nodding once. “The gym.”

Jungkook smiles, and then winks at you. “You seemed to like the gym.”

He’s teasing. His eyes twinkle mischievously, and he’s at the bottom of the stairs, and you’re looking down at him and fuck, you really fucking want to kiss him. But all you do is glare at him, though a smile creeps up on your lips.

“Yeah, what can I say? You’re good with your hands.”

His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows, and his tongue darts out to play with his piercings. “You think so?”

The air fills with electricity. The rope from before, turned to lightning bolts between you and him. You’re struck, frozen in place, though you’re burning from within. Buzzing with current, and you feel it zapping at the skin of your arms as Jungkook just holds your gaze, a quiet intensity filling his eyes. They darken, lust edging at the corners of his gaze.

“Maybe.”

He smirks, dripping with confidence as he fully faces you, pulling you down the stairs. “Well, good thing you’re here right now, mmh?”

You step down the last stair, looking up at him as his hands find your waist, slowly pulling you in. He’s towering over you, his hair falling in his eyes as he looks down at you, and you reach up, pushing his hair back. It’s soft under your fingers, much like silk, and Jungkook just stares down at you with that dark look as your hand moves from his hair to his cheek.

His eyes flutter shut as you barely even graze his skin, going down to the corner of his mouth. He’s pretty. Ethereal. You think you could sit and watch him all day without ever getting bored. Especially as his head tilts to the side like he’s chasing your fingers the second you start to pull away.

He murmurs your name, and it’s like he cast a spell on you. You’d do anything he asked right now – you’re stripped away of your own thoughts. No, all there is now is him, and you’ll be damned if you don’t feel those pink lips of his against yours.

Jungkook’s tongue darts out of his mouth, wetting his lips, and they stay slightly parted as his eyes flutter open. They’re filled with an intensity different than the one from before, akin to desire that leans into yearning more than lust.

You’re not sure you deserve to be looked at like that. Not when, as you have to remind yourself, he was watching his ex streaming last night.

The thought of it is like a cold shower breaking the spell. He was leaning in, but you break eye contact, your gaze dropping to his chest, and you clear your throat.

“Shouldn’t we finish the tour?” you ask.

He doesn’t say anything for a few seconds, like he’s confused with your change of heart. But he takes it in stride, taking a step back and looking to the side, where the hallway that leads to the gym is.

“Yeah, uh.” It’s his turn to clear his throat. “I can show you the studio.”

You nod, feeling bad for killing the vibe, but only partially. 

You still need to talk to him about his ex, after all.

Jungkook’s home studio is across the hallway from his gym, and it’s just as dark as the rest of the house. It consists of two rooms – one in which the recording happens, on the other side of a wall of windows, and one where he does the producing. He’s got a full drum set in the recording room, along with a mic, and different guitars are hanging on the wall on this side. They’re illuminated by the string of LED lights he hung all around the ceiling, and it currently shines yellow, though Jungkook switches it to red as he moves to the desk.

“So, here’s where the magic happens,” he says as he pulls the chair, sitting on it.

He’s got three monitors in front of him, and they come to life as he turns on the PC that goes with it. 

“This is sick,” you say as you walk closer to him, though you diverge towards a small leather couch in the corner. “It looks like we’re at an actual studio.”

“Well.” He chuckles, giving you a short glance before he focuses on the monitor right in front of him, typing in a password. “It is an actual studio.”

Indeed, you can tell the walls on the other side are padded with soundproof panels to help with the quality of the sound.

“Right,” you let out.

“I also use this room as a gaming room, though,” he admits.

“You game?”

As if the consoles upstairs weren’t an evidence of it.

He nods. “Not as much as I used to. I’ve been too busy with my service and then the new album and the show.” He opens up his Steam page, and you catch glances of the store before he closes it again. “I’m not going to game while you’re here.”

“I could watch you play,” you suggest.

“No, I want to spend time with you,” he says, and he puts the PC back in sleep mode. He gets up, walks over to the couch where you are, and then sits next to you, leaning back against it, his thighs spreading. “I can show you some recordings some other time.”

His head is turned towards you, and you meet his gaze, immediately feeling the pull from before again. Especially as he raises his hand, and it’s his turn to ghost his fingers on the line of your jaw before he tucks some hair behind your ear.

“Thank you for coming to the concert tonight,” he says, his voice lower than it was a second ago, more intimate. “It was exciting to know you were out there watching me.”

You gulp. “It was exciting to watch you.”

“Yeah?”

You nod, unable to find words as his fingers go down your neck, before heading to the back of your head.

“I’ve been dying to kiss you all night,” he whispers. “Even when I was on stage.”

“Jungkook…” you trail off.

He’s leaning closer. Yet he stops, humming. “Mmh?”

“I’ve been meaning to…” 

You can’t finish your sentence. Not when the earnest look in his eyes shoots right to your heart, and you can’t find it in you to ruin it again. 

After all, you’ve been dying to kiss him, too.

So you dive in. Press your lips on his, watching his eyes go wide in surprise before they close. And then he’s kissing you back, all soft lips and hands pulling you closer. It starts slow, sweet, but the pace increases quickly as Jungkook teases your lower lip with his tongue. You tilt your head to the side, deepening the kiss as his fingers find the side of your throat. And they wrap around your neck, and he’s pulling you closer, and you climb on his lap, straddling his thighs.

Jungkook lets out a breathy sound that tastes heavenly, and your tongue teases his before he takes control, leading the kiss down a fiery path that makes you feel like you’re catching fire. 

Jungkook is a goddamned good kisser. It might be the piercings pressing small indents in your bottom lip. Or the way his large hands hold your waist, thumb swiping at your skin through the fabric of your shirt. Or maybe it’s the way he sucks your tongue into his mouth.

You don’t know what it is. All you know is that it’s like fireworks are exploding in your heart, making it beat wildly, and you’re holding onto Jungkook’s face as he grunts when you bite into his lower lip.

It’s lustful. Borderlining on sinful. You’d imagined the kiss would be sweeter, more like a candy melting on your tongue, but it’s tequila burning down your throat. It’s two bodies that have been craving each other for weeks, and there’s no way to slow it down.

You’re a car driving full speed at a wall, and you don’t have it in you to stop the crash.

You pull away, breathing harshly, just long enough for Jungkook to start kissing at your jaw, nipping at the skin, and then you’re kissing again. It’s explosions after explosions, a feeling of intense rightness that might make you go insane by the end of the night.

Yet you keep diving in. You keep free-falling, and you can’t even bring yourself to care anymore as to if he’ll catch you. You’re flying – maybe you don’t need him to catch you. Maybe you just need to fly with him, and the way he’s kissing you back, holding your waist, makes you think he’s ready to take flight.

“Y/n,” Jungkook murmurs as you kiss him again, and the plea gets lost in your mouth. 

It doesn’t seem to matter. He’s kissing you with such fervor you wonder if you’ll ever be able to kiss someone else again. Especially as his hands, previously never straying from your waist, finally head lower. He cups your ass, squeezing gently, and you wish you weren’t wearing jeans.

You wish you could feel his hands on your skin. So you straighten, pulling away from the kiss as you can take off your shirt. Jungkook holds your gaze, breathing hard, and his eyes dip down to your breasts as you take off your bra, too.

“Shit,” he curses, and you cup your breasts, squeezing your nipples once. “You’re so beautiful.”

The compliment gets lodged in your chest, warming your heart like a gentle embrace, though you think it turns to a wild fire as Jungkook’s eyes dip to your breasts again, staying on your perked nipples.

“So fucking beautiful,” he repeats, his voice an octave lower. 

It sounds dangerous, like he’s the beast and you the beauty, and your core grows molten.

“My imagination can’t do justice to you,” he adds, and his hands move up your sides, before going to your breasts. 

He pinches your nipples, hard enough for you to hiss, and his dark eyes dart to your face before going back to your breasts. And then he’s leaning forward, and he sucks one of your nipples in his mouth, while rubbing the other one between his thumb and index. You throw your head back as his tongue flicks at you, and you lose your hand in his hair, pulling at the soft strands at the back of his head.

But then he’s pulling away, already, only to wrap his hand around your throat again to pull you into another languid kiss, one that makes you reach for the hem of his shirt. He’s reluctant to pull away, though he finally gives in as your fingers move inside his shirt, and your nails scratch at his lower abdomen.

“Fuck.” He leans back, helping you to take off his shirt, and then you’re looking down at him, at the reddened skin at the top of his chest and the muscles cutting across his skin.

He looks sculpted in marble. Hell, you think he might be, yet the skin you run your hand on is soft and warm, and goosebumps appear in the trail of your fingers. His arm tattoo spills on his chest, and you gently trace up his arm before returning to the hard muscles of his chest.

“You look beautiful, too,” you say, meaning it as a tease, yet it’s so breathless it leaves no place for humor.

Jungkook smirks, tilting his head to the side as he pulls on his piercings. “You think so, mmh?”

You nod. “You’re hot. I don’t think you need me to tell you, though.”

He leans forward, capturing your mouth in a quick kiss that makes your head spin. “Maybe I still want to hear it.”

The male confidence and arrogance dripping from his words make you grab the back of his head, and you pull on his hair enough so that he’s forced to tilt his head back. And then you’re leaving a trail of hot, wet kisses down the column of his throat, stopping at his Adam's apple to bite at it. 

“You think you deserve it?” you tease.

As you say the words, you grind on him, not surprised to feel his erection pressing against you.

He’s just as hard as you’re wet already, and it makes you go insane. Enough so that you suck on the skin of his neck without waiting for him to reply, and then you start going down his body, moving down the couch so you can kneel between his legs. Jungkook just looks at you, chest going up and down in fast motions as he breathes hard.

“Take off your pants,” you tell him, and you reach for his belt, undoing it in time with his fingers finding yours. 

He takes care of the rest, pushing down his pants enough that you can see how his dick is straining against the fabric of his Calvin Klein boxers. Without even an ounce of hesitation, you lean forward, pressing a kiss on his length, and you proudly watch as his dick twitches.

“i’m going to suck your dick,” you say as you look up at him, blinking innocently. “Is that okay?”

“Please do,” Jungkook says. “Might fuck your mouth a little, though.”

“That’s okay, I can take it.”

Jungkook curses in Korean as you pull his boxers down just enough to reveal his dick. It slaps against his abs, and you grab the base, squeezing him once.

He’s bigger than you thought he was. Maybe it’s because you’ve only seen his dick through the screen of your phone, but he’s fat and heavy in your hand, his tip swollen red and leaking precum right now. And as you jerk him off once, the bead of precum grows until it slides down his tip, and you lean forward to lick at it.

Jungkook says your name, and you look up at him as you swirl your tongue around his tip, the heady taste of his precum filling your mouth. The way he’s staring down at you as you take him in your mouth makes you want to sink on him instead of tasting him, but you want to please him first.

You know you’ll get your fun later. So, for now, you shut your eyes, focusing on the way you take as much of him in your mouth as you can, holding your gag reflex in as he presses at the back of your throat. He groans as you swallow around him, and then you slowly move back, your hand moving back up at the same time. You stop when there’s just his tip in your mouth again, and you tease his slit, before sucking hard.

And then you sit back on your heels, looking up at him as you jerk him off slowly.

“How do you like it?” you ask.

You know from the videos that he sent that he likes it rough, but you want to hear him say it. You want him to tell you exactly what to do, just so you can please him better.

“In your mouth, baby,” he says, and he pulls your hair back in a makeshift ponytail. “I want you to suck on me while I’m fucking your mouth.”

It’s so sinful, so far from that earnest look he had in his eyes earlier that you wonder if he, too, has gone insane.

“Like this?” you ask, and then you suck on his tip, this time still holding eye contact.

Jungkook curses, and he rolls his hips up into your mouth. You almost choke, and your eyes water a little, but the way his eyes roll back before he throws his head back against the couch makes you want him so bad you forget about everything.

And then Jungkook unleashes himself. Not that he had a strong tether to begin with – you haven’t even sucked him for a minute. But he unleashes himself, fucking up into your mouth as his hand grabs the back of your head to keep you in position. He goes deep, though when you choke for the first time, he makes sure to be more careful. 

You’d tell him you don’t mind him being rougher, but he doesn’t give you time to speak. Not even as a tear does roll on your cheek, and drool drips down your chin. And as he uses your mouth to pleasure himself, you reach between his legs, cupping his balls.

“Fuck, Y/n,” he lets out, and he slows down his rhythm as you squeeze. “Fuck.”

He pulls out, eyes wide, and you watch as a fat bead of cum appears on his slit.

“I almost came,” he says, sounding so surprised all you can do is lick the cum away.

It tastes salty, and you smile up at Jungkook as he just looks down at you, his mouth slightly parted. And then he’s pulling you up, crashing his lips on yours again. It’s intense, especially as he picks you up and lays you down on the couch. He’s between your legs in record time, taking off your pants and panties in one go. 

Suddenly, you’re fully naked in front of Jeon Jungkook, looking up at him in the red glow that’s set in the room, and you know you’re about to be dragged to hell.

“I trust you’re clean?” he says like a question.

You nod. “You?”

“Got tested last week,” he says. “In case we got to this point tonight.”

You wet your lips. “You were expecting this to happen.”

He grabs his dick, stroking himself slowly. The sight makes your pussy clench around nothing, and you grab his thighs where they’re resting on the two sides of you.

“Baby, I was dreaming of it,” he says, and then he’s moving closer, rubbing his tip on your clit. “Birth control?”

You nod once more. “IUD.”

“Good fucking girl.” The words are said in a low, raucous tone that almost sounds like a growl, and you moan as he rubs your clit again. “Gonna fuck you so hard, m’kay?”

“Please, Jungkook.”

He leans forward, pecking your forehead once. “Tell me if it hurts.”

And then he’s aligning himself with your entrance, pushing in in one swift motion that makes your vision go white with stars. He’s even bigger when he’s stretching you wide open, the veins on his dick dragging on your walls. It burns, and your eyes flutter shut as he stills deep inside of you, giving you time to adjust to his size. He grabs your legs as he does so, rubbing the side of your thighs, and you can feel his gaze on you as he slowly starts to pull out, only to push all the way in again.

You’ll go insane. Hell, you’re already insane, halfway to the asylum, because the feeling of him inside of you is nothing like what you’ve ever felt before. It feels new, different, so mind-numbingly good that you doubt you’ll ever be the same again.

“You’re so tight,” he lets out, and he moans as he pulls back and pushes in again. “Relax, baby.”

“Jungkook,” you let out in a whine.

“I know, baby, I know.” He leans down, caging you between his arms, and then he’s kissing you, slow and sweet. “You can take me, just relax.”

“You’re so big.”

He chuckles, pecking your lips again. “I know. Do you want me to finger you a little?”

The thought of him leaving you empty makes you want to cry, so you wrap your legs around his waist tightly, arms circling his neck. 

“No,” you say. “Just fuck me, Jungkook.”

You don’t need to say more. The second the words are out, Jungkook starts jackhammering his hips into yours in rapid motions that make you scream out his name. The initial burn from the stretch morphs into decadent pleasure licking up your spine, and your nails dig in the skin of his back as he keeps up the same unforgiving pace.

He groans, and then he’s kissing you, and you feel so full of him you think you’ll burst. But he’s right here with you, holding you, fucking you, kissing you, and you think the world stops for a moment.

For a moment, it’s just you, Jungkook, and that undying lust between the two of you. It’s passion and desire entwined, a fire that is just now starting never to be quelled. Because you don’t think you’ll ever get enough of this. Even as he’s still fucking you hard, you think you already miss him.

Jungkook slows down for a moment, aiming for harder and deeper instead, and he rests his forehead on yours to give you both a chance to breathe. You run your hands on his back, through his hair, fingers itching to touch every inch of his skin. His are in your hair, holding your head gently. 

“You feel amazing,” he whispers. “Gonna need to fuck you every day.”

“Please do,” you whisper back, and you feel his smile as he kisses you again.

It’s softer this time, gentler, the passion yielding its place to the yearning tenderness you saw in his eyes earlier. He fucks you like that too, like you’ve got all the time in the world in front of you and hell, you think you might.

You’ll take an eternity with him, if he gives it to you.

The tender moment passes, intensity returning to the two of you as he starts picking up the pace again. You feel a knot forming in your lower stomach, and your walls clench around him, hard enough to make him curse out loud.

And then he’s pulling out, leaving you empty, and you whine at the loss of him.

“Shh,” he shushes you, and he makes you turn on your stomach, his hands massaging your ass cheeks before he gently slaps your ass. “Just wanna fuck you like this too.”

Your eyes roll to the back of your head when he pushes back in, the new angle offering different sensations that ought to be illegal from how addicting they are. Especially as he establishes that same unforgiving rhythm as before, and you turn your head to the side, trying to catch a glimpse of him. 

He’s dangerously beautiful like this. With his chest and cheeks reddened from the effort he’s putting into fucking you, his hair wet at the temples. You can’t see much of him, unable to turn your head enough, but you feel his hands on your waist, and you just know the muscles on his abdomen shift as he fucks you hard and quick, his balls slapping on your clit every time he pushes in.

You’ll come. The sight of him like this will make you come, especially as he moans your name, his dick so hard inside of you you feel every single inch of it. You feel his tip and the rim that’s a little thicker, you feel the veins and the way he fills you up so completely, like he was made for you.

He has to have been made for you.

The knot in your lower stomach tightens more and more as he fucks you, and the second he lands another slap on your ass, you let go, exploding right under him. It’s an explosion you don’t think you’ll ever understand, one that makes you go blind as it crashes into you so hard, scattering your mind everywhere in this room. You can’t focus on anything after that, the pleasure so widely complete you think you’ve reached nirvana. And as your pussy spasms, clenching and unclenching on his dick, Jungkook pushes all the way in with a loud groan, coming deep inside of you, painting you white with his seed.

It takes you forever to come down from your high after that. Hell, you don’t think you ever truly do. Not even as he pulls out, cursing as his cum spills out of you and drips on the couch. You’re so out of your body that you don’t even move as he goes to grab toilet paper in the bathroom, and he comes back to you still in the same position, your mind spinning with ecstasy. He’s gentle as he cleans you up, and even more gentle as he turns you around.

“You okay?” he asks.

You nod, still unable to form words. All you can do is kiss him back when he leans in for a tender kiss, one that slowly helps with recentering you in this world.

In this room, in this house. In Seoul, in a country you’re starting to love more and more with every moment that passes in the presence of this man.

“Let’s go take a shower,” he suggests.

“Yes,” you weakly reply.

He smiles as he hears your voice, and then he’s helping you up, steadying you as your knees almost give out under you. 

You barely register that you have to go up two flights of stairs before reaching the bathroom. Barely register the shower itself, with its black tiles and glass door that’s fogging up with steam as Jungkook helps to clean you, rubbing soap into your skin and letting the water wash it off. You barely register the way he wraps you in a warm towel after, pressing a kiss on your forehead that makes your eyes flutter shut.

And then he’s pulling you to his bedroom, tucking you against his chest under the softest blankets you’ve ever snuggled in. Or maybe it’s just your skin still sensitive from the activity that transpired in the basement. You can’t even tell, as your mind is still in shambles from the pleasure.

“I hope you’re okay,” Jungkook whispers on the top of your head as you lie in his bed.

It occurs to you that you’ve been mostly silent this whole time, and you wrap an arm around his waist, nuzzling your face in his chest. 

“I’m more than okay,” you murmur, and he pecks the top of your head,

“Good.”

But you reckon, maybe you shouldn’t be. Maybe you should be wary, because you still haven’t talked to him about his ex. Still haven’t mentioned what Mingyu told you, and the fact that it scares you. Because you don’t want to get attached to someone that will just break your heart in the end.

But as he presses a kiss on the top of your head again, wishing you good night, you fear you might already be too far gone for the man next to you.

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IIIIISH i'm sjsdkhj i hope you guys liked this one! Let me know what you think <3

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Friday, June 27th

The lights of the studio are dim, spotlights directed on the set where Jennie is currently filming a scene. She’s invited you, as you haven’t hung out since karaoke night last week, and you didn’t find it in you to say no.

Not when she questioned you about Jungkook last night, claiming he was acting weird after you left, and that she’s afraid you’re avoiding her because of it, too.

No one knows what happened between you and Jungkook. In truth, you highly doubt it even happened at all – it doesn’t make sense that you’d end up hooking up with him like that. It just doesn’t register in your brain, like somebody else experienced the moment.

But you know you’re the one that experienced it. You can still feel his hands on you, at night when you’re trying to sleep. You can still taste him on your lips, and you can’t forget the way he made you come so easily, like it was second nature to him.

To be fair, you haven’t had any action since Josh, which has already been a few months ago. So you’ve been blaming it on that, because you refuse to accept that Jeon Jungkook could do that to you. Not when you barely know each other.

The director yells ‘Cut!’, and Jennie and her co-star walk off the scene. She heads your way, sitting down in the chair left for her. She’s careful as she sits not to disrupt the makeup on her arms – she’s got fake wounds all over her forearms, as her character got in an accident in the show. They’re filming a hospital scene, so she’s also wearing a white hospital gown, and she wraps a blanket around her legs once she’s sat, courtesy of her assistant.

“I am freezing,” she complains.

You don’t blame her. It’s relatively cold in the studio, enough so that you’ve also been wrapped in a blanket since you got here.

“How are you finding it so far?” Jennie asks.

“It’s interesting,” you answer. “It’s my first time on a set.”

Jennie’s assistant hands her a water bottle, and then offers you another one. You thank her with a slight bow of your head, and then you uncap it, taking a sip of the clear liquid.

“Really?” Jennie lets out. 

You nod. “Yeah, never had the opportunity before.”

Jennie makes a non-committal sound, and then says, “My parents used to take me on sets all the time as a kid. I used to do homework while they’d act.”

Indeed, her two parents are well-known actors too, though they’ve mostly retired from acting now.

“I used to go to my mom’s office,” you reply. “It was nothing like a movie set, unfortunately.”

Jennie chuckles. “Bet.”

There’s a short silence, and Jennie grabs her phone to reply to the few text messages she’s received while they were filming. You were the one to hold her phone, so you know most of them were from Taehyung, though you’re pretty sure you spied one from Jungkook, too.

Not that you really checked.

“Do you know BTS are having a comeback concert next month?” Jennie asks out of nowhere a few minutes later, while you’re scrolling your Instagram reels.

You glance at her. “Yeah, saw the notice on social media,” you reply.

“They’ve already started rehearsals,” she adds mindlessly as she’s still looking at the screen of her phone. “Tae suggested meeting up for dinner if filming doesn’t end too late. Wanna come?”

And see Jungkook? No thank you. But you can’t really tell that to Jennie, can you?

“I’m meeting up with Hyunseok,” you remind Jennie, which is thankfully not a lie.

Jennie throws you a look, her eyes slightly narrowed. “Are you?”

“Yes.” The suspicion doesn’t wear off from her features, and you chuckle. “I swear.”

“Are you sure you’re not avoiding Jungkook?”

Your throat dries out, and you find yourself at a loss for words. Jennie’s face breaks out in a smug smile as the silence stretches between the two of you.

“Knew it!” she says after a few seconds, a little louder than necessary. Thankfully, people are too busy with fixing up the scene that no one looks your way. “You need to tell me what happened last week.”

“Nothing happened,” you say, though the lie is weak, your cheeks burning too bright for it to be normal.

“Girl.” Jennie throws you a no-bullshit look. “You ran out of there like the place was on fire.”

“I didn’t.” You wet your lips, and then shrug meekly. “I wanted to go home.”

“You and Jungkook were alone for like fifteen minutes,” she says. “We all saw him follow you.”

“Just went to the bathroom.”

Jennie laughs, a snort that makes you want to disappear through the floor. “Girl, I went to the bathroom. You guys were not there.”

You just sit there in silence, your cheeks turning darker.

“What happened?” Jennie asks again.

“We just talked!” you blurt out.

Jennie narrows her gaze at you again. “Just talked?”

“Yeah.” You nod, clearing your throat. “We actually fought. Called him out for being a dick to me.”

“Oh.” Jennie seems surprised at this turn of events, and you offer her a tight-lipped smile, hoping she’ll let it go. But then she asks, “And what happened after that?”

You worry at your bottom lip, looking away. “He apologized.” You shrug, sighing deeply to try and tame the wild beats of your heart. “And then I left.”

“Oh,” she lets out again. “Okay.”

She believes you. Relief floods through you, and your smile is a little truer as you look at her. “Yeah.”

“Jungkook seemed pretty shocked,” Jennie admits, frowning slightly. “And he told Taehyung to kick everyone out and then went to bed before we even left.”

You try to not sound too interested when you say, “Did he?”

Jennie nods. “Yeah. And after seeing you running out, I just assumed something happened. Didn’t think it was a fight.” The director suddenly yells for the actors to return on set, and Jennie gets up, handing you her phone. “That’s my cue.”

You grab her phone. “Good luck.”

She winks. “Thanks, bubs. And about Jungkook, sorry for the fight. He was looking for one last week, and I’m sorry that it happened with you.”

“It’s okay,” you reassure her. “I guess we sorted our shit out, kind of.”

“I’m glad.” She nods once, and then she glances at the scene, where her co-star is already waiting for her. “Let’s talk about this more after.”

You give her a thumbs-up, and then she returns to the hospital bed, and there’s a bustle around her as some assistants make sure that she’s in the same spot as before so that there’s no differences between this take compared to the previous ones, allowing for no continuity errors.

You take a deep breath, relieved that she’s off your back. Relieved that she believed you, too. Which, you reckon she doesn’t really have any reason to doubt you. You’ve never lied to her. And it’s not like you did lie, either. You just… chose to omit part of the truth.

All you can do is hope it doesn’t come back to bite you in the ass.

*****

Jungkook looks at Jennie’s reply to his message, and he can’t help but be annoyed.

He’s told her everything after what happened with you. He originally didn’t want to say anything, but she directly confronted him about it, telling him she knew something had happened between the two of you, and he’d immediately fumbled. Mostly because he’s a bad liar, and Jennie’s known him long enough to be able to tell when he lies. At least, he made her promise to not say anything, and though he’s pretty sure she’s told Taehyung, Mingyu and the others haven’t made any comments, so he thinks she’s made good on her promise.

She said she’d try to get you to come hang out tonight, but her text message reveals that you’ve got other plans, and Jungkook feels far more disappointed than he should.

He can’t get you out of his head. Ever since last week, all he’s been thinking of is the way you kissed him, the way your legs were wrapped around him… and how fucking wet you were as he fingered you. He’s jerked off way too many times to the thought of you, to the knowledge that he made you come. It’s burned in his mind, as clear as when it happened.

You were so beautiful he thinks you’re unreal. An angel sent from above, and god fucking damn, he can’t get you out of his mind. It’s a curse as much as it’s a gift. Because he can’t focus on rehearsals, and he’s been fucking up the beat constantly over the last hour, enough so that Hoseok got mad at him and asked him what his problem is.

He lied and said he had a headache, and they cut him some loose, but he’s noticed Taehyung watching him, and he feels like he’ll get scolded again by the end of rehearsals.

So, he focuses on the song. On the beat, one that he knows by heart so much it’s muscle memory. He shuts his eyes, lets himself get carried by the rhythm…

And he’s right back in his gym, with you pressed against him, his dick so hard he thought he’d explode. Hell, he almost came when you did, just because it was so fucking pornographic to please you.

“Jungkook, goddamn,” Hoseok lets out again as he messes the beat, disrupting the song. “If your head hurts that much, we can put a backtrack for your drums and just go take a nap or something.”

“Sorry,” Jungkook apologizes as he blinks a few times, trying to get rid of the image of your dress hiked up around your waist, your black thong pushed to the side, his fingers plunging inside of you…

He needs a cold shower. And to jerk off, because he’s already semi-hard. Luckily enough, the members can’t notice since he’s sitting, but he knows he can’t even get up right now.

“I’m good,” he says. “I’ll get it, I promise.”

“Stayed up late last night?” Taehyung asks, and Jungkook wonders if he imagined the jealousy behind Taehyung’s words.

Which, he reckons Taehyung could be jealous. Because he did stay up late last night, talking to Jennie. About you, though, but maybe Taehyung doesn’t know it after all.

“Yeah,” Jungkook says.

Jimin’s the one to speak next. “Were you watching Sara stream again?”

The mention of Sara is enough to douse Jungkook’s arousal, the thought of you quickly fading away.

“No?” he says, eyebrows bunching up over his eyes. “Why would you assume I was?”

The members exchange looks, but Taehyung offers him salvation. “You were talking to Jennie.”

“Yeah,” Jungkook replies. “She’s a friend.”

There’s an awkward silence, and Seokjin is the one to interrupt it a few heartbeats later. “Now that that’s settled, let’s start again from the top.”

At the singer’s cue, everyone gets ready to start the song again, and Jungkook sighs in relief as they all look away to focus on their own instruments instead. This time around, they make it through the song without any mistakes, and it seems it lifts everyone’s spirits up enough that they don’t call him out again for the rest of rehearsal. 

Jungkook almost thinks he’ll get away with it at the end, too, but Taehyung comes over to him as he’s chugging some water, patting him on the back.

“You coming to eat with us tonight?” Taehyung asks.

Jungkook swallows the water, nodding his head as he puts the cap back on the bottle. “Yeah, that’s the plan.”

Taehyung remains silent for a few heartbeats, and then sighs. It sounds defeated, resigned and Jungkook almost feels bad. Until Taehyung inquires, “Since when do you talk to Jennie like that?”

Jungkook shuts his eyes for a few seconds. “It’s really not what you think it is.”

“She refused to tell me what it was all about,” Taehyung says. “I just think it’s sus.”

Jungkook pulls at his piercings, surprised that Jennie didn’t tell Taehyung as he holds his friend’s gaze. “Just needed someone to confide in.”

“And you couldn’t talk to us? Or to anyone else?”

Jungkook knows that Taehyung has a tendency to get jealous a lot, but he’d entirely forgotten to what extent while they were broken up. Some part of it was because he wasn’t stationed with Taehyung at the military base he was assigned to during his service, but also because Taehyung distanced himself from the group during that year and a half somewhat, most likely out of heartbreak. 

“Bro,” Jungkook lets out. “I guarantee you that you have nothing to worry about.”

Jimin stops next to them, a bright smile on display, fully unaware of the tension between Jungkook and Taehyung. “You guys coming? The car is here.”

Jungkook and Taehyung hold gazes for a few seconds more, and then Taehyung lets out an audible sigh that almost sounds like a scoff before walking away. Jimin watches him leave, frowning.

“What’s up with him?” he asks.

Jungkook chuckles bitterly. “He’s jealous that I’m friends with Jennie.”

Jimin looks at Jungkook, confusion spreading on his features. “You guys have been friends for years.”

“I know.” Jungkook sighs, slightly shaking his head. “He really has nothing to worry about, I don’t get where this is coming from.”

“Maybe he’s just unsure if Jennie really wants to commit to him after everything,” Jimin suggests. “You know he feels like he doesn’t deserve her after breaking up with her.”

“She’s in love with him,” Jungkook points out. 

“I know.” Jimin pauses, seemingly looking for the right words to say. “But maybe he needs reassurance, you know? The breakup wasn’t easy for him.”

Jungkook has half a thought to say it was way harder on Jennie, considering that she’s the one that got dumped out of the blue, but he keeps it to himself. He sighs, shoulders hanging low. “You’re right. Jennie’ll be there tonight, I’ll tell her to talk to him.”

Jimin offers him an encouraging smile. “And if things get awkward, I’ll play the middle man.”

That makes Jungkook laugh. “You really don’t have to.” Jungkook grabs his bag, and he follows Jimin out of the studio where they were rehearsing. He closes the door behind him, and then turns to his friend. “And also, Tae always gets anxious about rehearsals,” Jungkook points out, scolding himself for not thinking about it before. “Maybe it’s just that.”

They head to the elevator, and Jimin calls for it, throwing Jungkook a look. “You’re right, he might just be stressed out. So am I, if I’m honest. We haven’t had a concert in so fucking long.”

“We got this,” Jungkook reassures Jimin. “It’s not like we’re performing anything new this time around.”

Indeed, the concert is a means to come back to the music scene slowly, before they announce their new album and their tour.

The doors open, and they walk into the elevator, Jimin pressing on the first basement. They ride down, and they get out of the elevator to see Hoseok and Taehyung, waiting for them. Yoongi, Seokjin and Namjoon all decided to go home, so it’s the four of them as they walk towards the car, and they quickly climb in. Taehyung gives directions to the driver, and then they set off towards the restaurant where they’re meeting Jennie.

And unfortunately not you, Jungkook remembers. He sighs, and Taehyung throws him a look that’s a little too tense to Jungkook’s liking, so he pulls his phone out of his pocket to text him.

Better to do it himself than ask Jennie to do it after all.

[7:13 pm] Jungkook: it’s really not what you think [7:13 pm] Jungkook: don’t tell the others but [7:14 pm] Jungkook: i hooked up with y/n

Taehyung grabs his phone as it vibrates, and his gaze widens. He drops his phone, looking far more suspicious than Jungkook thought he would, but Jimin and Hoseok are talking about Heryung’s last fashion show and Taehyung’s fumble goes unnoticed. 

[7:15 pm] Taehyung: the fuck you texting me that for💀

Jungkook pulls at his piercings.

[7:15 pm] Jungkook: that’s why i was talking to jennie last night [7:16 pm] Jungkook: i wanted to know what she thinks

Taehyung raises his head from his phone to meet Jungkook’s gaze, giving him a nod.

[7:17 pm] Taehyung: when did you hook up with her anyway [7:18 pm] Jungkook: at the party at my house last week

Taehyung cocks an eyebrow, approval in his eyes.

[7:18 pm] Taehyung: see i told you [7:19 pm] Jungkook: i know [7:19 pm] Jungkook: but she ran off

Taehyung winces, and Jimin throws him a look.

“What’s up?” he asks. 

Taehyung shrugs his shoulders. “Nothing. How’s Heryung doing, by the way?”

Hoseok, entirely oblivious to what was going on, says, “She’s doing fantastic. She’s going to be there for the concert next month.”

“Hell yeah,” Taehyung replies. “Any chance you’ll see her before, though? The concert is like at the end of the month.”

It’s in the third week of July, in truth, but no one corrects Taehyung. Especially not Jungkook, who’s just relieved Taehyung is not asking him more questions.

He doubts he’d be able to keep a straight face if he did.

“No, she’s fully booked until then.” Hoseok lets out a long sigh that has Jimin clap him on the shoulder in support. “And with rehearsals, I don’t have time to go to Japan.”

“I really don’t know how you can date someone that lives so far,” Taehyung says. “Couldn’t be me.”

“How are you and Jennie doing anyways?” Hoseok asks, wiggling his eyebrows. “Y’all been reconnecting well?”

As Taehyung only offers a smirk and a wink in reply to Hoseok, the driver informs them that they’ve reached the restaurant. It was a short drive, and they probably could have walked, but since the new album wasn’t announced yet, they’re trying to avoid being seen in public together too much. Indeed, although there has been some speculation going around, the company doesn’t want people to figure it out before the announcement. 

Though, people know about the concert. Maybe they really could have just walked.

Hoseok chuckles at Taehyung’s antics, and they shortly all file out of the car, jogging towards the door of the restaurant to avoid being seen.

Which proves to be easy, as the street isn’t too busy at the moment, the only passerbys an elderly couple walking with their small white dog on a leash. The dog’s wearing a blue hat, and Jungkook can’t help but smile at the sight.

He loves dogs. Always has, and always wanted to have one too, but with their busy schedule and the fact that they’re gone for so long at a time when they’re touring, he’s figured having a dog is not really something achievable.

Maybe one day, he always tells himself. Once they stop touring, if they ever do. Or when he has a stable partner that can take care of the dog, perhaps. 

They walk into the restaurant, and Jennie waves at them from the table at the back. The restaurant is thankfully empty despite it being dinner time, as they reserved it for a couple of hours to keep their privacy, and so no one is around to snoop on them as they head to where Jennie is sitting.

Jennie gets up as they near her, and she and Taehyung exchange a short kiss that has Hoseok raise his eyebrows with a knowing smile as he glances at Jimin and Jungkook. Jimin laughs and pushes their older friend, and then Jennie greets them as Taehyung stands next to her. They all sit after that, and the food arrives almost instantly as they ordered in advance.

The food is good. Delicious, even, the Jeju pork tasting better than ever. Or maybe Jungkook was just famished, and any food would have been delicious. He eats his fill as they talk about everything and nothing, Hoseok asking a bunch of questions to Jennie about her current acting project. It’s fun, soju flowing between the five of them, and Jungkook wishes you were here.

He wants to talk to you. To tell you he’d like to get to know you more, and that he’d like to take you on a date. But he doesn’t have your phone number, and he hasn’t had the courage to dm you on Instagram either. He meant to ask Jennie for your number yesterday, but he was so embarrassed to tell her you ran away after you hooked up that he figured it was best not to.

After all, Jennie said you might need time, and so he’s been trying to give you some time. But it’s not easy… Not when the thought of you makes him feel like his blood has turned to magma.

He takes a long sip of his maekju as he tries to push you out of his thoughts, and it works enough that he’s able to rejoin the conversation. You slip out of his mind, sort of, for the next hour and a half, but when they finish eating, Jimin and Hoseok leaving together, Taehyung turns toward him, his eyebrows raised.

“What the fuck do you mean, you hooked up with Y/n at your party?” he says.

“Tae!” Jennie blurts out as she slaps his arm. 

Jungkook laughs, cheeks burning. He takes another sip of his drink, shrugging his shoulders. “Yeah. Kind of?”

“You told him?” Jennie asks.

Jungkook nods. “I don’t know what to do.”

“You do nothing,” Jennie states. “Y/n…” she trails off, and an apologetic look takes over her features. “She uh, lied about it. Either she’s just shy, or she’s embarrassed.”

It hurts. His heart squeezes in his chest, and he looks down at his drink, focusing on a drop of condensation on the glass. “Ah.”

“I didn’t get to talk to her a lot between takes,” Jennie adds. “So it might be that too. But when I asked her about it, she said you guys just argued.”

“Did she?” Jungkook lets out.

Jennie nods. “Yeah. I didn’t push, especially not when there were people around, but… yeah.”

“Noted.”

Taehyung sits back in his chair, folding his arms on his chest. “Come on, that means nothing. I bet she was just shy to be confronted like that. Just get her to come to the concert next month.”

Jungkook clenches his jaw, and then sighs. “I kind of want to text her?” he admits. “The concert isn’t for a long time, no?”

“Yeah, I don’t think you should wait that long,” Jennie replies. “Wait, you don’t have her number, do you?”

Jungkook shakes his head no, and Jennie pulls her phone out of her purse, scrolling through her contacts. When she finds you, she clicks on your name, and then she hands her phone to him.

“Here’s her phone number,” she says, and Jungkook could thank all gods that exist that he didn’t even have to ask her for it in the end. “Text her if you want.”

“If I want?” Jungkook repeats as he grabs his own phone, adding your number to his contacts. “You don’t think it’s a good idea?”

“I kind of wish I could talk to her about it more first, but…” she trails off, shrugging her shoulders. “Just text her now, we’ll see what she says.”

Heart beating out of his chest at the sudden prospect of texting you, Jungkook asks, “What should I say?”

“Just say you want to hang out,” Taehyung suggests.

“To talk it out,” Jennie precises. “Just something simple like ‘Hey, been thinking about last Thursday, I’d like to talk to you. Let’s meet up’ or something.”

“That is very straightforward,” Jungkook says.

Jennie shrugs. “It’s better to be assertive, honestly.”

Though he’s unsure, Jungkook gives her a nod. “Okay.”

He types a message out, deleting it a few times before he figures out what he does want to say. Once he’s satisfied with it, he hands his phone to his friends. 

“What about this?”

Jennie and Taehyung read, and they both give him the thumbs-up. So Jungkook gathers his courage, taking a deep breath, and though he thinks his heart might be in the process of exploding, he presses send.

[9:01 pm] Jungkook: hey, it’s jungkook. ngl, i’ve been thinking about what happened last thursday. do you want to meet up and talk about it?

He turns his phone off, putting it face down on the table, and then he meets his friends’ gaze. And then, for good measure, he chugs the rest of his maekju, which makes Taehyung cheer for him loud enough that the waitress, who’s been sitting at a table on the other side of the restaurant, looks at them quizzically.

The next hour is excruciating. Jungkook keeps glancing at his phone, and apart from a video Jimin sends him, his notifications remain void of you. Disappointment chokes him up, slowly but surely, even though Jennie reassures him and tells him you had dinner with a friend tonight and that you might just be busy. It doesn’t make him feel better, not even in the slightest.

Especially not when, later, he gets home to no text of you still, and to the sight of two random girls taking pictures of his house. They run when they see his car, most likely knowing he’ll call the police, yet Jungkook is in a foul mood by the time he’s showered and lied down in bed, turning on the TV just to have something to fill the silence.

Then, when he’s convinced you are not going to reply, his phone lights up, your name at the top of his notifications. Almost immediately, adrenaline floods his bloodstream and Jungkook sits up straight, grabbing the device. His heart racing, he opens the notification.

Only to wish he’d never text you.

[11:57 pm] You: hey. tbh, i don’t think there’s anything to say??

Jungkook shuts his eyes, heart sinking in his chest. But then his phone buzzes again, and he looks down at it.

[11:58 pm] You: actually… [11:59 pm] You: jennie said you have a concert next month?

Jungkook swallows around a lump in his throat. And even though he should probably wait before replying, he starts typing right away.

[00:00 am] Jungkook: yeah! you’re invited if you want to come:) [00:01 am] You: i’d love to🤗

Jungkook sighs in relief, tongue toying with his piercings as he watches the three dots pop up a few times before you send another text.

[00:03 am] You: about last week, i’m sorry

He frowns.

[00:04 am] Jungkook: you have nothing to be sorry about

And then, feeling emboldened, he adds:

[00:05 am] Jungkook: it was hot

It takes you a moment to reply. Jungkook is almost convinced you won’t reply at all, and he puts his phone away after three minutes of staring, if only because his eyes are starting to burn. Ten minutes later, his phone vibrates again.

[00:14 am] You: i meant for fighting but… i guess it was hot🤭

Jungkook’s throat goes dry, and the adrenaline in his system is replaced by something else entirely, something that makes him wish he was back a week ago, with you in his gym.

[00:16 am] Jungkook: oh yeah?🫣 [00:17 am] You: yeah [00:17 am] You: but that was very unlike me [00:18 am] You: idk what happened [00:19 am] Jungkook: i get that! dw about it [00:21 am] You: 😌 [00:21 am] You: gotta head to bed but… [00: 22 am] You: i’ll see you at the concert?

Three weeks really is too far away, Jungkook reckons. But he doesn’t know if he should push. Not when he receives a notification that Sara is streaming, and his heart strangely strains in his chest, her name in this moment feeling like a slap to the face. He swipes the notification up so that it goes away, and then replies to you.

Sara should not be in this thought when he’s talking to you anyway.

[00:24 am] Jungkook: sure! 

And then, for good measures, he adds:

[00:24 am] Jungkook: we can grab a drink before too [00:25 am] Jungkook: if you want [00:26 am] You: i’ll let you know! i actually have to go back home early next week [00:27 am] Jungkook: oh? how come?

It takes you a few minutes to reply this time again, and Jungkook tries to focus on his show, though he really cannot bring himself to listen to what the characters are saying. Not when a small part of him wants to watch Sara’s stream instead, just to see how she’s doing. He feels disappointed with himself, mostly because he really doesn’t want to be thinking about her when he’s talking to you, but he can’t help it. It’s been second nature for so long, and he curses himself mentally, annoyance slowly taking a hold of him. Thankfully, when he receives a new message from you, Sara leaves his mind, replaced by the much more appealing thought of you.

[00:31 am] You: my publisher wants a meeting in person, and my cousin is getting married [00:32 am] Jungkook: congrats to your cousin:) [00:33 am] Jungkook: and the book is going well? [00:34 am] You: almost done with it, actually [00:34 am] Jungkook: already?! [00:35 am] You: yeah… the publisher is being a pain in the ass [00:35 am] Jungkook: I’m sorry [00:35 am] You: it’s okay. just means i have to lock in and focus on that [00:36 am] You: which is why i have to go to bed [00:36 am] You: i need to finish it over the weekend [00:37 am] Jungkook: well good luck with that! [00:37 am] You: thank you! [00:38 am] You: good night:) [00:39 am] Jungkook: good night, sleep well

And though Jungkook wishes you’d say something else, his phone doesn’t buzz again, and he assumes you’ve truly gone to bed. So he puts the device aside, trying to focus on the TV, but all he manages to do is think about you.

Your conversation went well. Hell, he feels all giddy as he rereads it, much like a teenager with a crush, and he’d be embarrassed with himself if it wasn’t because of you. You, who came all over his hand last week. You, with those pretty, shiny eyes that could likely drag him to hell if you wanted…. 

Though he might be disappointed he won’t get to see you soon since you’re leaving, the thought of you being at the concert next month sends Jungkook’s mind spiraling with excitement, and he really does feel like a stupid teenager with a crush. 

He really can’t fucking wait for the next three weeks to be over.

Saturday, July 5th

It’s hot. Dreadfully so, and your cousin Chelsea was worried about possible downpours in the afternoon ruining the wedding, though so far all that’s visible up there is the blue, vast expanse of the summer sky, with the occasional white fluffy cloud leisurely travelling across.

It’s hot, yes, but it’s a beautiful day. With just the right amount of breeze to lift Chelsea’s veil perfectly in the pictures she takes with Ryan, her now husband, and you watch from the side with tears in your eyes, your other cousins and some family members surrounding you.

Hyunseok is somewhere at the reception hall, enjoying cocktail hour – he’s been your plus one since you RSVP’d for two, thinking Josh would accompany you. Instead, Hyunseok followed you home, never one to turn down a trip and free food and alcohol at a wedding. Though he’s been missing Haneul, you can tell he’s been enjoying his time here.

“She’s so pretty,” your mother says as she wraps her arm around your shoulders. “Doesn’t she look like a Disney princess?”

“She does,” you agree.

Your mother sighs dreamily. “Do you remember when you were younger and you tried on my wedding dress?”

You do. You’d been in middle school, and you had to do a photoshoot for a project with an important object to you. You’d chosen your mother’s dress, as pictures of your parents’ wedding day were all over the house growing up, and it was always a source of happiness to see them.

“It was way too big for me,” you reminisce, chucking lightly. “I still can’t believe you let me wear it.”

“I couldn’t say no to my baby,” she teases with a smile.

Indeed, you’re the youngest of three siblings, though your two older brothers couldn’t attend this wedding – one being stuck at an important conference on the other side of the country he could not skip as he was asked to host, and the other back home a plane flight away with his wife who’s about to give birth any time soon.

You lean your head against your mother’s, emotions rushing over you.

You were lucky. You had a great childhood, with parents that have always supported your dreams to become an author, and though you love the life you’ve started to build for yourself in Seoul, you do miss home sometimes.

“Alright, let’s do a picture with all the cousins,” the photographer says, and you quickly blink away your tears.

Your mother gives you a quick hug – she’s been sticking around as she’s your cousin’s godmother, and will be taking pictures with her after. You then follow your cousins to the spot the photographer tells you, and you pose like she recommends, laughing with your family.

Except for your brothers, all the cousins are girls, and as Chelsea is the first one to get married, it makes for a few emotional pictures as laughter turns into joyful tears, which only leads to more laughs.

The air is light with happiness you rarely know, the kind of happiness that’s elusive, the one you hold in your palms for just a short amount of time, thankful you’ve even experienced it. The reception feels the same way – the white and purple flowers create a magical ambiance, as do the strings of leaves hanging from the ceiling. The fairy lights entwined with the leaves basks the room in a warm glow that you know your memories won’t be able to render properly.

So you take pictures. You take pictures and you share conversations with family members you haven’t seen in forever. You try to avoid the questions about Josh, but they inevitably come, many uncles and aunts wondering where Josh is and who’s the guy that’s with you.

Hyunseok is great. He’s been talking with your family like he’s known them forever, and it feels a little less lonely with him around. Because, yes, despite it all, you can’t help feeling lonely tonight. Maybe it’s the fact that most people surrounding you are happy in love, and you’ve lost the one thing you’ve ever had. It’s been months, but it hits harder tonight.

But the food… the food is amazing. Decadent, even, and you and Hyunseok eat your fill, drowning it all with white wine that tastes just a little fruity. It matches the summer vibes, and you end up going outside to take pictures with Hyunseok after dinner, when dancing hasn’t quite started yet and the cake is half-eaten on your plates.

You didn’t stray too far from the reception, standing just a little off to the side of one of the doors leading to the party inside, and though the grass is a little wet, the air smelling of the rain that fell during dinner, you still decide it’s a good spot as any for pictures.

“I probably look bloated as hell,” you complain, patting your stomach.

Hyunseok, who’s holding your phone to take a picture of you, tilts his head to the side in annoyance. “Shut up. You look perfect.”

You lift your hand, letting out a long “Ayyy” that makes Hyunseok burst out laughing.

“Okay, diva,” he hypes you, and you can’t help but hit a few eccentric poses.

As Hyunseok keeps hyping you up, you turn around, looking back at him over your shoulder, and he snaps a few more pictures. But then, his eyes move from your phone to you, going wide as saucers.

“When the fuck were you going to tell me you’ve been texting Jeon Jungkook?”

You spin around. “What?!”

“Girl?” Hyunseok lets out a small disbelieving laugh. “‘Bet you look amazing in your dress’?” 

“Oh my fucking God,” you let out, walking towards him to grab your phone out of his hands. 

In truth, you’ve texted Jungkook sparsely over the last few days. You’ve been busy, and the time difference doesn’t quite make for easy conversation. But he’s still texted you consistently, asking you about your day and about your meeting with the publisher, which went a lot better than you thought it would.

Except they said they’ve loved what your agent told them about your book, and that the editor has put in a good word for the book so far. Not only that, but they said they’re excited for more books of that genre from you in the future, which you frankly don’t know if you have more stories like that under your sleeve, but you just laughed and told them you’d do your best.

You will. That’s what you’ve always done, even if your best sometimes falls short. You’re only human after all.

“Girl,” Hyunseok repeats as you see he’s already pressed on Jungkook’s message, and your conversation thread with him lights up the screen of your phone.

Indeed, Jungkook’s text really does read what Hyunseok just said, and you think you flush fully red.

You’ve never been more thankful for the good coverage of your foundation.

“Huh,” you let out.

“Bitch, Jeon Jungkook,” Hyunseok says. He laughs, and then repeats Jungkook’s name louder.

“Shut the fuck up,” you grumble through your teeth as you glare at him.

“Oh.” Hyunseok makes an apologetic face, looking around. Thankfully, it’s just you outside on this side of the building, so no one’s heard. “Is it like, a secret or something?”

You shut your eyes, scrunching up your nose as you try to figure out what you’ll say. And, to be fair, you trust Hyunseok with your life – even though the NDA Jungkook made you sign back when you’d met him and Jennie mentions you’re not supposed to talk about them at all, you know Hyunseok wouldn’t say anything.

“It’s just…” you trail off, shrugging your shoulders. “Remember the guy I told you I hooked up with at a party two weeks ago?”

Indeed, though you didn’t tell Jennie anything about what happened with Jungkook considering she’s his friend, you had felt the need to talk about it with someone, at least to a certain extent. That person ended up being Hyunseok, when you had dinner the night when Jungkook texted you for the first time.

“Bitch!” Hyunseok almost yells. “That was him?”

You slap his arm. “Shut up, holy fuck.” That just makes him laugh, and you throw him a stern look. “Yes, that was him. It was sudden and unexpected and nothing’s happened since then.”

“Well, he’s been texting you, mmh?”

You nod, chuckling. “Yeah.” You look down at your phone to see Jungkook’s text still on display, and you mindlessly scroll up. “Yeah, actually.”

“I’m so fucking happy for you.” Hyunseok pauses, narrowing his eyes. “But so jealous too. Goddamn. Jeon Jungkook.”

You giggle, slightly shaking your head. “Shut up, I told you it’s nothing.”

“Girl, it is not nothing,” Hyunseok says as he puts his fists on his hips. “He’s texting you. Thinking about you in your dress and shit.”

You worry at your lower lip, shrugging. “I guess?”

Hyunseok just stares at you for a few seconds, lips jutting in a small pout. “Why are you being so nonchalant about this?”

“I’m not!” You look at your phone, tongue toying with your cheek. “I just deadass thought he hated me, and I genuinely have not wrapped my head around what happened yet.”

Two guys walk out of the reception hall, and you watch them pass as music engulfs you for a short time before the door closes again. They’re Ryan’s friends, and you’ve never met before, so you just offer them a polite nod as they start walking down the path that leads to the field where you took pictures earlier.

You have half a thought of telling them it might be wet, but you refrain, not wanting them to stop for a chat.

“Why did you think he hated you?”

You wince. “Well, hate is a strong word,” you admit. “He was just… weird every time I saw him. Like weirdly cold and distant, and he was always looking at me like he wanted me to leave.”

“Oh you have to be the most oblivious person on this planet,” Hyunseok says. “I bet he was looking at you ‘cause he thinks you’re hot.”

“Well,” you let out, chuckling. “Can’t deny that.”

“Ayyyy.” Hyunseok high-fives you, and you look to your left. 

There was a fountain earlier today in the middle of the pond, but now that the sun has almost fully set, gray clouds covering the sky up above, no water is spurting out of the pond anymore. There’s enough light for you to see that there’s a couple on the other side, and you don’t recognize them from the wedding.

They’re likely people from the event in the other reception hall.

“But seriously,” you add, “I really thought he didn’t like me, and then we fought and we kissed and it degenerated.”

“In a good way, though,” Hyunseok points out with a wink.

You nod. “Of course. And he’s asked Jennie for my number, and he’s been texting me a little. But it’s really nothing.”

“‘Bet you look good in that dress’,” Hyunseok repeats. “That is not nothing.”

You worry at your bottom lip. “I… I guess not.”

Hyunseok’s eyes light up like a cartoon character when they have an idea. “Send him a picture right now!”

“Oh no,” you refuse. “I told you I’m bloated.”

Hyunseok rolls his eyes. “You haven’t even checked the pictures I took yet.”

He’s got a point, so you switch apps to your picture app, and you click on the first picture he took. 

It’s not bad. But you look awkward, like you’ve never been in front of a camera before, and it doesn’t get any better as you scroll through the pictures. But then you reach the one where you’re looking over your shoulder, and the open-backed dress reveals the muscles you’ve been working on at the gym.

You’ve indeed been working out even more since you’ve moved to Korea, often going in the morning before you start your day.

“Is this one good?” you ask Hyunseok.

He nods his head, clapping his hands. “Yes girl. Send it.”

You hesitate for just a few seconds, the wine from dinner clearly giving you more courage than you’d usually have. And, the moment you press send, you turn off your phone, meeting Hyunseok’s gaze.

“Let’s go inside and have a drink.”

Hyunseok snorts. “Good plan.”

You end up having more than one drink. In truth, despite being the one to text you first tonight, Jungkook doesn’t reply for hours. So you drink lychee martinis after lychee martinis, dancing with Hyunseok and with your cousins, even taking a shot with your mother.

You never thought you would take a shot with your mother one day, but here you are, downing the strong liquor. Your mother is a pro – she barely even winces, and she immediately asks for another round, and you truly party like you haven’t partied in forever.

There’s dancing and singing and Chelsea and Ryan looking absolutely in love. There’s your mother convincing your father to dance with her, and they too look so in love it almost makes your heart ache. And there’s Hyunseok, partying like he really has been part of this family forever. It’s fun, the fairy lights bathing everything in a surreal glow, and you’re walking back to the reception hall from the bathroom, some time after midnight, when Jungkook finally replies.

[00:09 am] Jungkook: you look fantastic [00:10 am] Jungkook: attached picture [00:10 am] Jungkook: been at rehearsals all day

Your eyes catch on the selfie he sent, his lips slightly jutting out as if he’s pouting. He’s throwing a peace sign, and he looks good, effortlessly, like he was born like this. And you reckon he was.

Jeon Jungkook has really good genes indeed.

You stop in your tracks, just staring at his picture. And then, alcohol acting as liquid courage, you take a selfie yourself, pressing send. And then you add:

[00:12 am] You: you lool good

You realize the typo after pressing send, and though you’d usually edit it hoping he doesn’t see, Jungkook immediately starts typing. So you wait, watching the three little dots moving for a few seconds before you receive a reply.

[00:13 am] Jungkook: are you drunk? haha

You pout. 

[00:14 am] You: no:( [00:14 am] You: yes [00:14 am] You: good drunk

Jungkook doesn’t reply right away this time, and you get tired of waiting for him after what feels like an hour, but might have been just a few minutes. So you return to the reception, where people are dancing to classics from the 2000s. You join in on the fun, phone forgotten in your hand and then on the table where you ate when you go to drink water a little later.

The wedding is ending by the time you realize you don’t have your phone on you anymore and, drunk enough to panic easily, you get Hyunseok and your mother to help you look for it. You’re checking in the bathroom when your mother comes, handing you the device.

“Someone’s been texting you,” she says with a smirk, her skin flushed from the dancing and the drinks.

You immediately grab your phone, pressing it to your heart. “I thought someone had stolen it.”

Your mother laughs. “No one would dare steal a phone at a wedding. Maybe you’re just a little drunk?”

You are, though you’re pretty sure you haven’t actually drank anything for nearly an hour.

“Aren’t we all?”

Your mother snorts, eyes wrinkling at the corners. “We sure are.” She wraps her arm around your shoulder, pulling you out of the bathroom. “Let’s go home, your dad already called a taxi.”

You’ve been staying at your parents’ house since you came home, not having an apartment here anymore. It’s been strange to sleep in your childhood bedroom, yet you think about your bed as your mother leads you out, and you just can’t wait to be in bed.

In bed and cuddling with Roxie, your parents’ dog.

You’re yawning in the backseat of the taxi when you finally read the texts you’ve received while you accidentally lost your phone.

[00:23 am] Jungkook: sounds fun [00:24 am] Jungkook: make sure to drink water and eat something! [00:59 am] Jungkook: hope everything is okay [1:01 am] Jungkook: text me when you can? [1:17 am] Jungkook: lmao this made me think of you😂 [1:17 am]: Jungkook: attached link

You click on the link, startling when music starts playing. You apologize, and Hyunseok throws you a look from where he’s sitting on your left. Your mother’s on the other side, and she looks like she fell asleep with her head against the window.

It can’t be comfortable, but she doesn’t look like she cares, even as the taxi hits a small bump in the road and you swear she hits her head on the window.

You look back down at your phone then, watching the video Jungkook sent. It’s a squirrel that seems like it’s passed out, one little paw on its belly. It’s adorable, and you watch it a couple of times before returning to the conversation with him.

[2:01 am] You: wdym it made you think of me😭

You shut off your phone once you hit send, and you lean your head against Hyunseok for the rest of the ride home. When you finally arrive, you all file inside after your father pays for the taxi, and your parents immediately head upstairs to go to bed, wishing you and Hyunseok a good night.

And though you’re tired and probably should go to bed too, you need a snack first. So does Hyunseok, so you order burritos from a 24-hour place you used to order from all the time when you still lived here. You wait for the food to arrive in the living room while Hyunseok shows you the pictures you took of him that he prefers so that you help him choose which one to post on Instagram.

You feel too tired to bother with posting tonight, though you already know you’ll post the picture you sent to Jungkook, along with a picture that you took with Chelsea a long time before you got drunk.

“This one’s the best,” you say, pointing at Hyunseok’s phone as he’s swiping between the three pictures he prefers.

“Not this one?” he asks as he swipes left.

“Nah, the other is better. More candid.”

“Period,” Hyunseok lets out, and he switches to Instagram so that he can post the picture. 

Your phone buzzes while he does so, and you look down expecting it to be the Door Dasher, but it’s Jungkook replying.

[2:21 am] Jungkook: lmao i thought you were passed out drunk [2:22 am] You: no, just waiting for food [2:22 am] You: actually sobering up

“Who are you texting?” Hyunseok says in a teasing tone, and he wiggles his eyebrows when you look at him.

You push him, and he falls on his side on the couch, laughing. “No one.”

Hyunseok stays in his lying position even after he’s done laughing, just scrolling Instagram. “Uh-huh,” he lets out.

You look up to the ceiling as if annoyed, and then resume your attention on your phone, right as a new text comes in.

[2:25 am] Jungkook: what are you getting

The Door Dasher ends up arriving right as you’re starting to type a reply, so you erase it, taking a picture of your burrito once you’ve grabbed the bag with your food outside. And then you eat the food, lying back against the couch as the flavours melt on your tongue.

“Oh this is good,” Hyunseok says. “Wow.”

“I know,” you reply despite your mouth being full. You swallow. “It always hits so good.”

Hyunseok makes a non-committal sound of agreement, and then you busy yourselves with eating, conversation becoming futile when good food is to be had.

[2:33 am] Jungkook: that looks so good

You smile as you send him a picture of the half-eaten burrito.

[2:34 am] You: it is

Jungkook’s reply comes right away, and you almost choke on your bite as you read it.

[2:35 am] Jungkook: wish I was there with you so that i could have some [2:36 am] You: oh yeah?

Your heart rate picks up as you watch the three dots appear and disappear a few times.

[2:37 am] Jungkook: yeah [2:37 am] Jungkook: i’d kill to see how good you look right now

As a matter of fact, you think you don’t look half as good as you did earlier in the evening, but you still blush at his words.

[2:38 am] You: you wanna see me? [2:38 am] Jungkook: is that a trick question [2:39 am] You: no🤭 [2:39 am] Jungkook: you still in that dress?

“Oof, I’m gonna go to bed,” Hyunseok says from beside you, his burrito finished. “I’m going to fall asleep on the couch if I don’t.”

He’s been sleeping in one of your brothers’ rooms in the basement, and he gets up from the couch, stretching. 

“Good night,” you tell him.

“You’re not going to tuck me in?” he asks, puppy dog eyes on display.

You laugh. “Shut up and just go to bed. I’m going to head up.”

Hyunseok sighs dramatically before wishing you a good night. You wish him back, and then you shove Hyunseok’s burrito’s empty wrapper in the bag in which you got the food, before carrying it to the trash in the kitchen. You end up putting the rest of your burrito away in a container that you put in the fridge, and then you head upstairs, tip-toeing past the door to your parents’ room to reach the bathroom that’s in front of your room.

And then you grab your phone, taking a picture in the mirror. You send it to Jungkook, and then say,

[2:47 am] You: gonna take it off now

Jungkook takes a few minutes to reply, and you’re naked, makeup off, when his next message comes in.

[2:54 am] Jungkook: wish i could take it off you

Your blood heats. Turns to liquid magma, warmth spreading through you at his words. He hasn’t flirted like that once, and it does something to you that you reckon might be madness. But your core grows warm too, sensitive, and all you can think of is the way he touched you two weeks ago.

[2:55 am] You: wish you could touch me

Your heart starts racing, and you nibble at your bottom lip in expectation as you wait for him to reply. When it takes a little too long, you decide to turn the shower on, knowing you need to feel clean to be able to fall asleep.

[2:58 am] Jungkook: touch you how [2:58 am] You: 🙄 [2:59 am] You: you know how

You’re horny. Maybe it’s because you haven’t really been able to fully get him out of your head since that night, but you feel your pussy clenching at just the thought of those fingers of his and what they did to you in his gym.

[3:00 am] Jungkook: i think you should remind me

He’s frustrating. Infinitely so, and you get in the shower, making sure your phone is far away from the water when you reply.

[3:00 am] You: like at the party at your place

You slide a hand between your legs, not surprised to find wetness already collecting there. And when Jungkook sends you a picture next, you feel your knees get weak, and you promptly get out of the shower, throwing a towel on the ground so that you can sit on it, leaning your back against the wall.

He’s sent you a picture of his dick. He’s fully clothed, but you can see the outline of his erection through his underwear, and he’s holding the base of it.

[3:02 am] Jungkook: look at what you’re doing to me [3:04 am] You: shit jk

You think about him. About how he must be touching himself right now, the thought of you making his blood boil just like the thought of him does to you. And he’s hard. You can tell he’s hard from the picture, and you so, so wish he wasn’t on the other side of the world right now.

[3:05 am] Jungkook: too much? [3:06 am] You: no, i want more

You slide your hand between your legs again, teasing your clit. It’s already swollen, crying for attention, and you press your lips together to avoid moaning at the sensation.

The last thing you want is someone hearing you right now.

[3:07 am] Jungkook: you wet for me?

You dip a finger into your pussy, and it slides right in, coming out slick with your juices. You use it as lubrication on your clit as you start pressing circles on it, keeping a slow, lazy rhythm for now.

[3:08 am] You: yes [3:08 am] Jungkook: show me

You bite at your lower lip, a small part of you being reticent at the idea of sending him a picture. Not because you’re against it – you’re two adults that are allowed to have fun – but because you’re afraid he won’t like it, won’t think you’re as attractive as you think he is.

But then you remember the picture he sent of himself, and you scroll up to look at it again, your heart beating out of your chest. You pick up the rhythm on your clit, and your eyes flutter shut for a few seconds, allowing you to imagine it’s him touching you instead.

Then, your shyness dissipates, mostly because you want to please him. Want him to find you hot, even more than he’s told you before that he does find you hot. So you angle your phone between your legs, taking a picture that shows how your pussy is already glimmering with your wetness, and you send it to Jungkook, waiting on the chat for him to reply.

[3:11 am] Jungkook: holy shit y/n [3:12 am] Jungkook: i wanna fucking taste you

At his words, you push a finger inside of yourself again, curling it to find the spot that makes your head spin. It doesn’t feel as nearly as good as it was when it was him touching you, but the picture of his dick he sends next still makes your walls flutter around your digit.

He’s taken off his underwear, and he’s gripping his dick hard, holding it up for you to see. He’s big, that much you can tell, and your eyes follow along a vein that starts at the base of him and goes all the way up to the tip.

You reply with another picture of yourself, this one with your finger inside of you, and Jungkook replies with a short video.

“Fuck,” you hear him say as he jerks himself up slowly, light catching in the bead of precum that already sits on his slit.

You push a second finger inside of yourself, increasing the rhythm of the back and forth motion you were already doing. And then you film yourself for a few seconds, taking your fingers out of your pussy at the end so that you can spread them, a line of wetness stretching between them before it breaks.

[3:17 am] Jungkook: that’s so fucking hot [3:18 am] Jungkook: want to fuck you so bad [3:19 am] You: i wanna suck your dick [3:19 am] You: it’s unfair you touched me and i didn’t touch you

The video Jungkook sends this time is of him jerking himself off faster, and he grunts and says your name like you’re a prayer. It’s the hottest thing you’ve ever heard, and you watch the video on repeat a few times.

He’s rough with himself. Holding himself tight, moving fast and slapping his balls on the way down. It’s so, so fucking hot, and you wonder how good he’d fuck you.

You feel like you wouldn’t be able to walk after.

You send another video, starting with fingering yourself and then circling your clit fast and hard. Your pussy clenches around nothing, and you imagine his dick splitting you open, ramming into you so hard you’d see stars…

[3:21 am] Jungkook: i’m gonna come so fast

You don’t blame him. You already feel your high nearing you, though it’s still out of reach. It might be because of the alcohol that’s left in your system, or because you’re tired after your day. But though you feel an orgasm coming, it stubbornly stays still, refusing to explode.

[3:21 am] You: i wanna see [3:22 am] You: wish you’d come inside me instead [3:23 am] Jungkook: fuck

Another video comes in, and you think Jungkook has gone insane. Because he’s sitting in a chair facing a mirror, and he’s filming the mirror while he pleasures himself. It’s hot, sinfully so, his head thrown back to reveal his Adam’s apple, his biceps flexing as he moves quickly. His chest is red, and he’s breathing hard, and all you want to do is climb on top of him so that you can fuck yourself on him.

[3:25 am] Jungkook: i’ll fill you up when you come back

You’re going to come. As much as your orgasm was avoiding you, it’s now coming right at you, and you start filming, fingering yourself fast, your palm slapping on your clit every time you go in. It’s hard to keep your moans in, but you bite at your lower lip, imagining Jungkook finishing in you, and you go over the edge, tumbling into your climax. 

It’s intense. Not quite as mind-numbing as it was when Jungkook was knuckles deep inside of you, but you still lose your vision for a few seconds, fingers stilling deep inside of you as your thighs tighten around your wrist.

You send the video to Jungkook, and then you just sit there, back against the wall, as you try to catch your breath.

That is, until he replies with another video, and you watch him as he strokes himself, the muscles under the skin of his arm dancing with his movements. He’s going even harder than before, slapping his balls so hard on the way down that it has to hurt, and then he’s coming, white spurting out of his dick and landing on his abs. 

You want to lick him clean. It’s feral, animalistic, but you can’t help it when he comes with your name on his lips, like he’s done it a hundred times before.

The video ends as he’s holding his dick up, cum dripping down on his fingers, and you don’t think you can breathe anymore. You just sit there, trying to fill your lungs with oxygen, and Jungkook texts you again.

[3:28 am] Jungkook: holy shit [3:28 am] Jungkook: that was…

It’s strange to read words under that last video he sent, and it’s almost like your brain can’t compute them. You must have been staring at your phone for too long, because Jungkook sends another message.

[3:31 am] Jungkook: you’re driving me crazy, y/n [3:32 am] Jungkook: can’t stop thinking about you

You swallow, gulping, and then you take a deep breath.

[3:32 am] You: can’t stop thinking about you too [3:33 am] Jungkook: 😌 [3:34 am] Jungkook: i can’t wait to see you

You wet your lips, mind still buzzing with your high, yet a smile still breaks out on your features, too. 

You wish you could kiss him. Wish you could hold him for a few seconds, as you regain your breath. You wish you weren’t alone, in the bathroom of your childhood house, sitting right outside the shower with steam wafting out of it. 

[3:34 am] You: i’m coming back soon

You get up, putting your phone down on the counter before you go back into the shower, quickly cleaning yourself. Your skin feels tingly from your high, and you revel in it, even as your exhaustion catches up to you. 

You step out of the shower once you’re done, wrapping yourself up in a clean towel. You immediately check your phone to see that Jungkook has texted you again.

[3:35 am] Jungkook: i know [3:36 am] Jungkook: i’ll see you then [3:43 am] Jungkook: i assume you went to bed? [3:43 am] Jungkook: good night, i hope you sleep well

You smile, drying yourself with your towel and quickly putting your PJs on. You reply to him as you’re brushing your teeth, wishing him a good night too – even though it probably isn’t even close to bed time for him – and then you head to your room, softly closing the door behind you before you climb under the covers.

And though you’d meant to stay up until he replies, you fall asleep almost right away, phone still clutched in your hand, your dreams visited by a familiar man with a sleeve of tattoos that knows how to touch you like no one else can

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well well well mmmmmmh what did we think of this chapter?? the ending though.... let me know what you think <3

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Sunday, October 26th

Jungkook is tired. Exhausted, even, and he wishes they didn’t have concerts back to back like they’ve had the last few weekends.

Three concerts one after the other is too much, he reckons. But at least, the streak is done, and they have until next Thursday before the next concert, though they’ll have to travel to a whole other country for that one.

To be fair, Vancouver isn’t too far from Seattle, but still.

Jungkook looks towards Taehyung, who’s typing away on his phone while the other members are slowly taking off the tour outfits to put on their regular clothes again. Taehyung’s smiling, most likely texting Jennie, and Jungkook wonders if you’re busy right now. It’s a little past 11 pm here, which means it should be…

His brain fails to do the maths, and Jungkook pulls his phone out to go look at the international clocks. It should be 4 pm in Seoul, according to the app, which means you’re probably in the meeting for the publishing of your book. Indeed, it’ll be out in two weeks, with a book release at midnight in Seoul, where Jennie, Mingyu, Lisa and probably even Rosé will be in attendance.

You said your agent believed it to be the best way to promote the book, and to have all eyes on it right from the start. Jungkook agrees that it’s a good idea, and he wishes he could be there to support you…

But he’ll be getting ready for a concert in the evening in yet another city. Actually, he’ll probably still be asleep then, considering the time difference.

He’s been missing you a lot. Despite frequent FaceTime calls and almost constant texting, when you’re awake, he feels like he left his heart in your hands that Sunday in August when they first had to leave for the South American leg of the tour. They visited multiple countries there, performing in Sao Paulo, Lima, Buenos Aires, Bogota and even Santiago. Each stop had more than one concert, and then they headed up to Mexico City before starting with a few shows in New York.

And now Seattle, and soon Vancouver. And after that, they’ll be going back down the West Coast. 

Jungkook sighs, exhaustion swiftly pushing through him. He feels a little dizzy, and so he sits down, heading to his text messages with you.

[7:07 pm] You: good luck for the concert tonight [7:08 pm] You: you’re gonna fuck shit up

Your messages made him smile earlier, and they still do as he rereads, imagining you saying it out loud with that twinkle in your eyes he’s been chasing in the night sky whenever the sun is down. 

He hasn’t looked at the stars the same since the trip to Jeju. They remind him of you, and he’s taken a liking to stargazing each night, even though the city lights rarely let him see the stars like he saw them with you. They were infinite that night, with the Milky Way striking across the sky. 

He doesn’t even know if he’ll be able to see anything tonight. It was cloudy earlier, before they got to the arena, but the clouds were supposed to scatter around midnight…

Hopefully.

[11:13 pm] Jungkook: it was a good concert but oof i’m glad we’re done with seattle

He presses send, watching the message deliver on your message thread. He doubts you’ll reply right away, so he shoves his phone in the pocket of his pants, yawning as he glances around to see that they’re almost all ready to go.

Everyone is in different levels of exhaustion, it seems, with only Jimin brimming with energy as he had the brilliant idea to chug an energy drink before the encore. He’s currently yapping to Hoseok about something Jungkook doesn’t care to listen to, and Hoseok is replying with short one-worded answers, though it doesn’t deter Jimin.

Nothing ever really does. Jungkook envies that of his friend – talking has always been easy for Jimin, whereas Jungkook’s always been a little more on the introverted side. It almost cost him you at the beginning of your relationship, after all.

He blushes. Relationship is a big word. You’ve never really put a label on what it is between you and him, but Jungkook likes to tell himself that you’re his girlfriend. All the members act as if you are, too, so it’s been easy for him.

He wonders if you see him as your boyfriend. Or if the distance keeps you from imagining him as such. It hurts, his heart straining in his chest, and he wishes he could be by your side, if only for a few hours.

He’d ask you to be his girlfriend instead of just assuming you are. He’s thought about doing it over FaceTime, but it feels way too lame compared to the intensity of what he feels for you. And despite the distance, his feelings for you have just kept on growing since the end of August, only strengthening with every day that passes.

He believes you feel the same, if only because you always struggle with hanging up every time you FaceTime, telling him you need to see him for just a little longer. He never minds it, even though it steals some precious minutes of rest from him.

Who needs sleep when he can spend time with you instead?

“Let’s go,” Namjoon says to no one in particular, though Jungkook knows his words are aimed at the group of them. 

Indeed, they all file out of the dressing room, heading to the two cars that’ll drive them back to the hotel. Jungkook climbs into the one with Namjoon, Yoongi and Jimin, the two latter deciding to go grab a beer at a local bar while Namjoon peers down at his phone in his hands.

He’s been talking with his ex these last few days, the one he was with during the summer. They didn’t last long, but it seems the feelings lingered on her side, because she reached out to him first. She was the one to end things, though, so Jungkook feels wary for his friend, but he hasn’t said anything.

With his history with Sara, it would probably be out of place for him to say anything. Because he never listened to Namjoon’s advice, no matter how many times Namjoon told him to break up with Sara and block her so that she doesn’t come back.

He still hasn’t blocked her, though he hasn’t replied to any of the messages she’s sent over the last few months. She doesn’t deserve his attention anymore, or at least he likes to tell himself that.

He’s too busy thinking about you anyway. Talking to you, too. There’s no room for Sara in his life when he’s with you.

The car reaches the hotel, parking out front. There are fans waiting outside, and Jungkook shuts his eyes in annoyance, though he knows it’s not as bad as those that come to his house.

There were two break-in attempts this last month, though the police was quick to intervene. Both people ended up doing some jail time, and they have yet to show up on the cameras again.

Hell, one of them was even deported to another country with a stain on their passport that blocks them from ever returning to South Korea.

Jungkook shakes the thoughts away – they’re too heavy, and he doesn’t have the energy for that right now. Instead, he waits for the manager to give them the go to exit the car, and he plasters a smile on his lips when he finally does get out, waving at the fans.

They scream at the sight of him and the other members, and Jungkook could kiss Taehyung on the forehead when he shushes them with a finger on his mouth. They all instantly fall silent, which makes Jimin snort and say, “Damn, they’re well-trained.”

Hopefully, none of the fans speak Korean, because there’s a sarcastic lilt to Jimin’s words. One that doesn’t go unnoticed by the rest of the members, including Jungkook, and they all chuckle before heading in, wishing the fans good night.

Before he gets in, Jungkook makes sure to look up – there’s a break in the clouds, and he sees a lone star shining up above in all its beauty. He reckons it might be Jupiter, but he’ll have to make sure with his starmap app later.

For now, he focuses on heading to his hotel room to take a shower as he waits for you to get out of your meeting so that you can FaceTime before he goes to bed. It’s well past midnight when you finally text him to call, and he’s already half asleep in bed when he presses on the icon at the top of the conversation, the front camera turning on to reveal the dark circles under his eyes along with his tousled hair.

He looks even more exhausted than he feels, and he winces at the sight, trying to fix his hair quickly as the call connects.

“Hey,” you greet him the second you come into view.

You’re sitting at a coffeeshop from the looks of it, having clearly called the second you left the library where the book release will be. You’re sipping an iced americano, and you look so beautiful Jungkook thinks he might burst out crying.

Do you miss him as much as he misses you?

“Hey,” he echoes, wetting his lip. “How did the meeting go?”

You smile, glancing to the side as someone walks past you with a tray in hand. “It went really well. They’ll be able to sell alcohol.”

You’d been worried about that, as you claimed it’s one of the most fun parts of midnight releases. Especially with the crowd that’s expected since a bunch of celebrities will be in attendance.

“That’s amazing,” Jungkook says. “You must be relieved.”

You nod, your eyebrows raising over your eyes. “You have no clue. But what about you, how was the concert?”

“Same old,” Jungkook replies with a chuckle. “At this point, I think I could do the concert asleep.”

You laugh, the crystalline sound carrying so well through the phone Jungkook feels like you’re right here with him for a few seconds. His heart reaches for you, thinking it’ll find you… only to be met with a void that sounds like you.

He didn’t even know it was physically possible to miss someone this much.

“You probably could,” you agree, and then your features grow more serious. “You actually look exhausted.”

He sighs, rolling on his back as he holds the phone over his face. “Yeah, I am.” You look sad at his words, and he quickly adds, “But we have four days off until the next concert, so I’ll be able to rest a bunch.”

“Good.” You nod, as if to put emphasis on your word. “Really good. They shouldn’t overwork you guys like this.”

Jungkook chuckles. “Honestly, most of the time, it isn’t too bad. I’ve just been having trouble sleeping at this hotel, and it was three days of concerts straight.”

“Inhumane!” you let out, which only makes him laugh again.

“I’ll make sure you’re on the tour planning committee next time so we can avoid this.”

You smile. It’s infinitely soft, and Jungkook wishes he could reach through the screen to trace the curve of your lips with a finger. 

“I’ll make sure all concerts are in Seoul,” you say with a nod. “Or wherever I’ll be in the world by then.”

“Here, probably.”

You snort. “I did not grow up in the West.” You tilt your head to the side, growing pensive. “I could probably easily follow if it was all in the US, though…”

That’s something Jungkook realized weeks ago, one night he couldn’t sleep and he just ended up staring at the ceiling. As a writer, you’re not confined to one country to be able to work. You could write from anywhere in the world. If it weren’t for the fact you’re releasing your book in Seoul and have to do some promotion for it there, he would have suggested that you join on part of the tour.

But it feels like a lot to ask. Even Minha got too tired and decided to go back to Korea for a few weeks before coming back some time in November. At least that was the plan the last time he talked to Seokjin about it, and Jungkook genuinely hopes she’ll come back.

Seokjin has been a grumpy pain in the ass since she left.

“You could,” Jungkook says as he pulls on his piercings. “And then you could be in Seoul with me when the tour finishes.”

“That’d be amazing.”

Jungkook agrees. To be with you, back home… with nowhere to go and nothing to do. He’d take his damn time with you.

The thought immediately sends a bolt of lust down his spine, and it shoots forward to his dick.

“I miss you,” he says. He wets his lips, shuts his eyes for a few seconds to keep the arousal at bay – you’re in public after all. “I wish I could be with you right now.”

“Oh, Jungkook,” you let out, and he opens his eyes to see a pout on your lips, your gaze growing sad, heavier. “I miss you too.”

“Just want to kiss you.” Jungkook sighs, and he rolls on his side. “Really fucking wanna kiss you, actually.”

Your cheeks dust with pink. “Is that all you want to do?”

The question makes his heartbeat skyrockets, and Jungkook shuts his eyes with a small chuckle. “Don’t do this to me.”

You laugh, mischief in every word you say next, so low he barely hears them. “I really wanna be able to touch you.”

“Yeah?” he lets out as his dick hardens at your words.

You look around, bringing the phone closer to yourself. “Kinda want to ride you, too.”

Fuck.

He can picture it. You on top of him, your breasts bouncing as he jackhammers his hips into yours, the way you scream his name when you come…

You nod your head. “It’d be better than your hand, no?”

You’re insanity personified. Or maybe that’s him. Slowly going insane for a woman on the other side of the world.

He says your name like a warning. “People are going to hear you.”

You laugh, shrugging your shoulders. “Alright then, I’ll stop.”

“Are you far from home?” Jungkook asks, his hand going down his body as he tries to readjust himself in his boxers.

“Why?” you ask innocently.

“You know exactly why.” His voice is low, husky, and he wonders if you can hear the urgency in his tone.

He needs you so bad. Misses you even more and he is truly, fully, going insane with every moment spent away from you.

“Well, I’m meeting with Mingyu soon.”

It’s like someone threw a bucket of cold water at him, and the arousal slips out of Jungkook as if it was never there to begin with.

You’re friends with Mingyu. Obviously a lot closer to Jennie, but you’ve been hanging out with Mingyu lately, hitting the gym with him and Jennie whenever she can. But it hasn’t been too often lately, because she’s been out of the city to film a movie that’ll release next year.

And Jungkook loves Mingyu. They’re best friends after all. But Mingyu is attractive, and a flirt, and has mentioned he finds you attractive before, and…

Jungkook stops the train of thoughts before it can spiral any further.

“Gym sesh?” he asks.

You nod. “And then dinner with Hyunseok and his boyfriend.”

The jealousy dissipates at the knowledge you won’t spend too long with Mingyu, but Jungkook still wishes it could be him instead.

You’ve never worked out together before despite the multiple times you hung out at his house. The only time you ever were in his gym together is that night he ended up fingering you before you ran away.

“Where are you guys going?” he asks.

“The restaurant you recommended in Seongsu.”

You say the words with sadness etched around your eyes. Jungkook frowns at the sight, wishing he could take you in his arms.

“You okay?”

“I wish we were going together,” you admit. “I… I really miss you a lot too.”

A lump forms in Jungkook’s throat, and he gulps around it. But then…

They have five days off between the San Francisco concert and then the following one. Maybe he could fly home for a time…

He sits up in bed, eyes going wide. “I’ll come.”

“What?” you let out.

He laughs, like he should have figured it out before. “I’ll come home in two weeks. I have five days off, I can easily fly in and spend them with you.”

“Don’t say that,” you say, your voice barely above a whisper.

Jungkook’s excitement slowly dwindles to nothing. “Why?”

“Don’t make promises you can’t hold.”

He sucks on his piercings. “But I can,” he insists. “I’ll book flights with the manager. I bet some of the other members would also love to go home for a little.”

“But you’re already exhausted,” you point out, though Jungkook sees the spark of hope as it ignites in your eyes, an echo of the one in his, he’s pretty sure.

“Who cares?” he lets out. “I’ll sleep on the flight to Incheon, and then I’ll sleep with you in my arms.”

“You’ll snore in my ears all night.” 

You’re smiling. You’re smiling and it’s like the light at the end of the tunnel. Jungkook runs towards it, dives in it.

“I will, and you’ll love it,” he jokes.

The smile stretches even wider, turning into a full-blown grin. “I will.”

Jungkook sends a message to the group chat, asking who wants to go with him, and then returns to the call with you. “I’ll see you soon.”

It’s like he’s suddenly powered by a nuclear reactor, and he feels like getting up to jump around like a little kid. He keeps it in though, his heart galloping in his chest instead, and he realizes his gaze is wet as a tear slips free, a bearer of so much joy he doesn’t even bother wiping it away.

You look just as happy. Your eyes shining with unshed tears too, your grin still just as wide. You laugh, that same crystalline sound wrapping around Jungkook like a warm blanket. It doesn’t hurt like before, just fills him with far too much happiness for his heart to handle.

“I can’t wait,” he says. “We’ll cuddle and work out and I’ll cook some food for you.”

“Oh, your food,” you let out. “I fucking miss your food.”

His lips curve upwards. “I’ll cook you breakfast and lunch and dinner, and as many snacks as you want.”

“I’ll get fat.”

“More of you to love,” he says, and then his gaze widens at his choice of words.

Love is a big word you have yet to say to each other, sort of, and Jungkook does not want to say it through the phone for the first time. Not when he whispered on your skin that he was falling in love with you the last time he saw you.

But he’s not falling anymore. Things are more than clear now.

Your eyes widen too, and you let out a small giggle. “Of course, of course.”

Jungkook’s phone buzzes in his hand with an upcoming message from Hoseok.

[1:04 am] Hoseok: heryung’s home those dates, i’m fucking in

“Hobi is coming too,” Jungkook says.

He receives a message from Seokjin and Namjoon at the same time, both of them saying they want to come as well.

“Jin and Namjoon too,” he adds a second later.

“Taehyung?” you ask, probably thinking about Jennie.

“He hasn’t replied yet, but I’m sure he’ll come.”

“Good,” you let out. And then you chuckle, eyes falling to your coffee. “I’ll see you in two weeks.”

He nods. “Right after your book release.”

You laugh again, slightly shaking your head like you can’t believe it. “I can’t fucking wait.”

“Me neither.”

And it’s true. The two next weeks are going to be hell. If only because Jungkook knows time will feel eternal, inching forward at a snail pace. But even if time stretches indefinitely…

You’ll still be there at the end of those two weeks. And there’s nothing in this world that matters more than that.

Monday, November 10th

Your steps are light today. There’s a bounce to them as if you’re a second way from flying away like a balloon in the wind. It makes sense, as you’ll finally see Jungkook after months of waiting to see him again. Not only that, but your book release was a success over the weekend, and you’ve made record sales since Saturday night.

Your dreams are paying off. In every aspect of your life, it seems. And you really feel so fucking light you might start floating soon. Hell, you’ll float to Jungkook’s place.

You’re on your way there. With a duffel bag with clothes for the next few days, because you’re not planning on leaving his house until he has to leave and go back to America.

He said he wouldn’t let you leave. That he’ll lock you in the basement if you try to, which only makes you laugh because his basement is the least threatening basement you’ve ever seen with the karaoke corner and the bar and the gym.

You’re walking down the boulevard, the wind surprisingly warm today. Or maybe the warmth comes from within, your heart inundating your bloodstream with it as it pumps your blood.

In just twenty minutes, you’ll finally be at Jungkook’s place. He offered to pick you up, but you had a meeting with Stella about the book release and you didn’t want him to wait around for you when he just landed from a twelve-hour flight. So you convinced him to go home, and you practically ran out the second the meeting finished.

Your bag has been ready since he told you he’d come two weeks ago.

So, you walk with a bounce in your step, unable to stop yourself from smiling as you turn into Jungkook’s street. You pass by two girls as you do so, and you smile at them, only to have them glare at you like you’re weird.

Right. People don’t usually smile at each other here. You can’t bring yourself to care, not when you’re so damn happy to see him. And it doesn’t take you long to reach his house, the street outside blissfully empty. He’s given you the code to get in without having to knock, and you head to the door, pressing it in before pushing the door open.

And then you’re stepping in, kicking your shoes off as you inhale a whiff of food. He’s cooking, much like he said he would, and you drop your bag and purse by the door before running in.

He’s in the kitchen, his back turned to you as he’s at the stove, mixing something in a pan with a wooden spoon. He doesn’t hear you, and you just stand there for a few seconds, taking in the fact that he’s standing in the same room as you. That, in a second, he’ll turn around and see you, and you’ll be able to run up to him, to hold him in your arms like you’ve been craving since August.

“Hey,” you let out, unable to wait any longer.

He startles, looking over his shoulder, and the second he sees you standing there, Jungkook spins around, running up to you and picking you up in his arms. You wrap yours around his neck as he spins you around, and you giggle as the world spins and spins.

“You’re here,” he says like he can’t believe it, and then he’s laughing too. “You’re here.”

“I am,” you say, and he stops spinning to look up at you, and you crash your lips on his with enough force he stumbles back.

His lips are just as pillowy soft as you remember them to be, and they part on a small grunt that just makes you laugh again. 

“You’re here,” he repeats against your mouth, like he can hardly believe it.

“I’ve always been here,” you say as you pull away to meet his eyes. And then you fall in the depths of them, in the emotions and the stars that look like nebulas as he stares at you with such intensity you feel like no one’s ever truly seen you before. “You’re the one that left.”

He lets out a small chuckle, and then he puts you down. He doesn’t let you get too far, his hands cupping your cheeks so he can pull you into another kiss, much more languid this time. 

It’s a heavy kiss. It holds the weight of the months apart, of the distance and the numerous FaceTime calls where you just craved the other’s touch. It’s heavy with the feelings that slowly appeared between the two of you over the summer, strengthened by the time in Jeju. It’s heavy with the way those feelings kept growing despite being away from each other since then, too.

It’s heavy with the fact he alluded to loving you on that FaceTime call two weeks ago when he decided to come back. And fuck, as he pulls away from you to rest his forehead against yours, his thumbs swiping the side of your face, those three little words almost tumble free.

But then the smoke detector starts blaring, and you both startle, glancing at the stove.

“Shit,” Jungkook says, and he runs back to the stove, quickly lifting the pan from it. He grabs the wooden spoon, stirring the contents of the pan, and then looks at you. “Can you grab a towel and shake it at the smoke detector?”

You nod, gaze widening because why didn’t you think of it before, and then you’re jogging into the kitchen, pulling the drawer with the dish towels open to grab one. And then you’re shaking it at the ceiling as Jungkook cranks the fan up to its highest setting. It’s so loud you can barely hear yourself think, but soon enough, the smoke alarm stops, and Jungkook turns down the fan and opens a window instead.

“I think the oil burned a little,” he says, “and some of the chicken might not be edible anymore but…” He shrugs with a laugh. “We still have plenty enough for a snack.”

You smile, walking back behind the kitchen island, throwing the towel on the counter. “Let me see.”

He lowers the pan, and you gaze at its contents. Indeed, some of the vegetables and chicken have blackened, though most of it still looks perfectly fine.

“Yeah, we’re good,” you say with a nod. Right on cue, your stomach wails, and you both burst out laughing. “I’m starving.”

“Then let’s eat,” he says, grinning wide. “I’m famished too.”

You grab plates from the cupboard next to the stove fan, and you help Jungkook with splitting the charred food with what’s still good before you split that into two plates. Luckily enough, and because Jungkook always cooks for an army, you both have plenty enough food for a full meal, and you eat at the kitchen island, Jungkook sitting so close you feel his thigh against yours. You don’t mind – you’ve needed him close, far closer than that, for months.

You’re not going to push him away now that he’s finally here.

When the meal is done and the dishes are washed and left to dry, you return to the front door to grab your duffel bag, bringing it upstairs in Jungkook’s bedroom. He’s your shadow on the way there, right behind you the whole time like he can’t let you out of sight for more than a few seconds. 

You put your duffel down by the bed, turning around with the intention of teasing Jungkook about it, but the intense look in his eyes stops the words from coming out, your smile slowly dying.

“I’ve missed you so fucking much,” he whispers as he takes a step toward you.

“Jungkook…”

You both start walking toward each other then, crashing in the middle of his bedroom. Jungkook’s lips are on yours quicker than you can even register it, and it clashes so hard you think your teeth might have slightly bashed together. But it doesn’t hurt, not when emotions pour out of his body and yours like a dam just broke between you and you’re losing yourselves in the dizzying dance of your lips on his, of your hands getting lost in his hair while his hold the back of your head and your waist.

The kiss deepens as Jungkook nudges your lips open with his tongue. He’s gentle about it, like he’s coaxing a wild animal into surrendering to him, and you’d laugh about it, say it’s not needed, if you weren’t so busy kissing him back with so much passion your heart races for a finish line you know it’ll find somewhere in his ribcage.

As your tongues twirl together, Jungkook backs you toward the bed, though he doesn’t push you down yet. He keeps on kissing you, keeps on holding you close like he can’t let go of you yet, even if it’s just for the few heartbeats it’d take for you to fall back on the bed. And you don’t want to let go either. Even as your lungs start burning from lack of oxygen, you just keep on moving your lips against the pillowy softness of his, his taste inebriating on your tongue.

You’ll never get enough of this man. There aren’t enough days in eternity for you to get bored of him, but you want every single one of them. You want to challenge fate, tell it to try and break you apart now that you’re together.

As if that’ll ever happen. 

Jungkook pulls away from the kiss, his lips swollen by it, and you just stare at each other for a few seconds like you’re trying to make sure that this is really happening, that you’re finally reunited. And you smile, so wide, because this is as real as can be.

You’re finally here together.

You sit back on the bed, grabbing Jungkook’s hand to tug him down with you. He resists for a few seconds like he needs to look at you for just a little longer, and then he climbs on top of you, spreading your legs with a knee as you lie back down with him hovering over you. His mouth is on yours a heartbeat later, so soft and sweet you could cry.

“I don’t think I can take my time with you right now,” he whispers in a desperate plea when there’s a short break in the kiss so you can breathe.

You’re holding his cheeks, and you immediately pull him back down for another kiss that leads to you sucking on his lower lip, teasing it with your teeth.

“Don’t take your time,” you reply when you part.

It’s like you’ve unleashed a beast. Jungkook grunts, grinding into you to show you just how hard he already is, and then he straightens, taking off his shirt, hands flying to his belt after. He unbuckles it, takes it off in a swift motion, and throws it on the floor. It thumps on the hardwood floor, and you imagine it probably left a mark, but Jungkook does not seem like he gives a fuck as he gets up to quickly push his pants and underwear down.

He steps out of the pile of clothing in his naked glory save for a silver chain on his neck, and he fists his dick, stroking himself as he looks down at you. You sit up, hand reaching for him, and he guides himself to your mouth.

You know what he wants, and you want it just as bad as he does. You’ve been dying for a taste of him, so you lick at the bead of precum that prettily sits on his slit, and then take him in your mouth, tongue swirling around him. Jungkook grunts, head throwing back as you suck hard, and he grabs your cheeks, pulling out of your mouth.

“I’ll come if you suck me,” he says, and he chuckles breathlessly. “I want to be inside you.”

You’re not going to say no to that, not when he starts undressing you in loving gestures, peppering kisses on every inch of skin revealed until you’re just sitting there in your bra and underwear. He leaves those on, pushing you back on the bed until he’s on top of you again, his dick rubbing at your clothed pussy. 

“Can already feel how wet you are,” he says as you let out a breathy sound.

Indeed, your panties are sticking to your wetness, even more so as Jungkook rubs himself on you. You spread your legs as wide open as you can as you chase more sensations, more friction, but Jungkook doesn’t give in right away, instead returning to your lips for another languid kiss. Your fingers are on his back, nails slightly digging in his skin, and Jungkook just keeps grinding into you, working you into a tight, uncomfortable knot that refuses to let go.

Not when there’s still fabric between you and him.

“Jungkook,” you whimper against his mouth.

He pulls away to look at your face. His pink lips are wet, glistening in the light coming in from the window, and your gaze catches on the mole under his mouth.

“What’s wrong, baby?” Jungkook asks.

“I want you inside of me,” you reply as you wrap your legs around his waist as if that’ll push him in.

“Want me to ruin you in that pretty thong?” 

Indeed, you made sure to wear a nice lace set for him. Maybe that’s why he left the bra on.

“Please,” you beg.

He chuckles darkly, pecking your lips once. “Of course, baby. I got you.”

He kneels back between your legs, hands caressing your thighs a few times as he looks down at you, his eyes shining with untethered lust and passion for you. He glances down between your legs, one hand following to gently rub at your clit through the fabric, and you moan under his ministrations. He sucks in a breath at the sound, and then he pushes your panties to the side so he can directly touch you.

It’s so much sensation you almost close your legs, but he holds them open before grabbing his dick, stroking himself again as he watches your pussy. You whine, and he taps your clit, making you jerk against the bed in surprise, the sudden pain turning into burning pleasure.

“Oh, you like this,” he teases as if he didn’t already know.

He slaps your clit again, harder this time, and your eyes flutter close as you spread your legs open wider. And then, instead of using his hand, Jungkook taps his dick on you, before starting to rub himself between your folds, collecting your juices. It feels insanely good, and you fist the sheets, lifting your hips trying to get him to push in.

He doesn’t. He just keeps rubbing himself on you, your panties to the side, so much so you know your panties are ruined long before he finally decides to put you out of your misery, pushing his tip inside of you.

It stretches, burning slightly despite how wet you are, and you moan his name in a broken sound.

“Fuck, it’s been too long,” he says as he slowly pulls out before starting to push in again, gaining another inch this time. “Way too fucking long.”

He keeps that infernal push and pull up until he manages to fully seat himself in you, and then he finally bends down again, finding your mouth for a sloppy kiss. His tongue is between your lips, his dick inside of you, and you’ve never felt so at home before.

Jungkook’s dick twitches inside of you once as you tighten your walls, and he grunts, pulling away from the kiss.

“I’m going to fuck you so rough,” he says, and it’s the only warning you get before he starts jackhammering inside of you, soon leaning back and pushing your legs up to his chest as he keeps fucking you.

His balls slap on your ass as he spears you wide open, and your mind swims with pleasure as he kisses the side of your leg, teeth nipping at your skin. You say his name as you look at the way the muscles of his abdomen contract with the effort from fucking you. He says your name back, reverence coating every syllable, and your heart swells so much for him, right as the knot he’s been working you into gets ready to snap.

He must have sensed it. Because he pulls out, flips you on your stomach, pushes one of your legs up and then slips inside of you again, reaching so much deeper this time. You hide your face in the sheets as you mewl at the sensation, and he’s unforgiving, fucking you fast and deep, so rough he slowly pushes you up the bed. You hold onto the sheets as if that’ll save you, but nothing can, not when he’s fucking you like this.

You come before he does. The knot inside of you snaps so hard and so suddenly you lose your vision for a moment, everything going white. He slows down then, coaxing the orgasm out of you in slow swipes of his hips, milking it out for so long you think you might be trembling when it finally starts fading.

Jungkook bends down then, leaning with his elbows on each side of your head. You turn your head to the side to catch sight of him, and he finds your mouth, kissing you sweetly as he keeps up with the slower rhythm he established when you were coming. It’s dizzying, mindnumbing, and you doubt you’re still fully in your body as he slowly starts to pick up the pace, chasing his own climax.

You reach back, cupping his cheek, and then you say, “Please come for me.”

It works. The words make Jungkook pick up the same relentless pace as earlier, and he fucks you hard into the mattress, his balls slapping against your clit now. It feels so good you think you might come again, even as his motions grow sloppy until he grunts out your name, slamming to the hilt as he comes deep within you, his dick twitching and twitching with every spurt of cum he paints you with.

Jungkook leans his forehead on the side of your face as you just breathe in sync for a time, and he interlaces your fingers on the bed. His weight on you is so comforting you feel your eyes watering. You smile, wide, mind buzzing with the remnants of your orgasm.

“I missed you too,” you say.

He chuckles, pecking your cheek. “I know, baby. I know.”

His dick, now softened, slips out of you, and his cum spills out, staining the sheets under you. But Jungkook doesn’t move, keeps caging your body with his like he’s protecting you from the harsh reality of the world outside. And you don’t want to move either. Don’t want to end this moment with him, but the small eternity eventually passes, Jungkook getting up and pulling you with him. You’re wobbly on your feet, but he holds you up, wraps his arms around you in a soulcrushing hug that you return without hesitation.

And then he tugs you to the shower, where you end up having sex again. And then you’re in his bed, sheets off in the washing machine, talking about the months apart. You end up making love again so many times as the day passes that you doubt you’ll be able to walk tomorrow, but you’re catching up for the months apart, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

It’s much later that night, when the sheets are back on the bed and you’re lying in Jungkook’s embrace, looking at each other, that Jungkook says, “I know I said I’d be with you for tomorrow, but I have a quick thing to do in the afternoon.”

You scan his features, his slightly chapped lips from all the kissing. “What do you have to do?”

There’s a short silence as he just keeps on looking at you, and then he replies, “Just a quick something with the company.”

You nod, eyes fluttering shut as you nestle yourself closer in his embrace. “No worries. I’ll stay here while you go.”

He kisses the top of your head, his loose grip around your waist tightening to hold you impossibly closer. “Perfect.”

You smile as he pecks your head again, and you let his warmth guide you to a dreamless sleep that smells like him.

Tuesday, November 11th

Seoul is cold today, the warmth from yesterday having faded away so thoroughly it seems like winter's holding the world in its clutches. Jungkook hides his face from the wind in the lapels of the jacket you forced him to wear, smiling as he remembers how you used them to tug him into a kiss that almost convinced him to not go. And as another gush of wind bites at his features, he reckons he should have been convinced.

He knows he agreed to meet up with Sara last week when she called him crying and he picked up half asleep not realizing it was her. But he doesn’t want to see her, not when he fell for you so, so hard.

But then again, he’s going to pick up roses on the way back, and he’ll officially ask you to be his girlfriend. He wants the label, wants you to call him his boyfriend to everyone you know. He wants more than just the rumors about you and him that have slowly dwindled down over the months he spent away.

Hell, he wants to scream at the world that he’s in love with you. And he reckons some dirty, ugly part of himself just wants to rub it into Sara’s face after the way she’s treated him in the past.

Jungkook finally reaches the coffeeshop Sara asked to meet up at, and he walks in, the warmth a welcome reprieve from the world outside. He heads to the counter to order a hot cup of coffee, and he’s thankful that the person behind the register is an elderly woman. She just smiles at him with a nod of her head, clearly not recognizing him, and then she makes his cup of coffee, handing it to him.

He bows and thanks her before taking it, and then he looks around, wondering where Sara might be. The coffeeshop is tiny and completely empty, but then he spies a staircase in the corner, and he glances at the lady behind the counter.

“Is there someone upstairs?” he asks.

She nods. “A young lady arrived earlier and went upstairs,” she informs him.

He thanks the lady again, and then he heads in that direction, careful to not spill the hot liquid on himself. He climbs upstairs, indeed finding Sara sitting at a table overlooking the street.

Save for her, the floor is empty too, and Jungkook reckons her choice of meeting point was commendable. No one will know they were here together at all.

“Hey,” he says as he nears the table where she’s sat, and Sara startles, looking at him.

The dark circles around her eyes are witnesses to what she’s been going through, and Jungkook stops her from getting up when she tries to.

“No need,” he says, putting his cup of coffee on the table before sitting across from her.

“I didn’t think you would actually come,” she says, her voice wavery like she’s about to cry.

He reckons his would too, if he were to be diagnosed with cancer.

“I said I would.”

She nods weakly, looking down at the smoothie in front of her, clearly sensing that he is closed off.

“Well, thank you,” she says.

He nods curtly, glancing at the steam wafting out of his cup of coffee, his gaze then trailing outside to see some snowflakes fluttering about.

“I just wanted…” she starts, falling silent. “To catch up, you know?”

He wets his lips, sighing as he looks at her again. “Like I said over the phone, I have someone in my life now,” he says. “I don’t really want to catch up.”

She doesn’t say anything for a few seconds, just staring at him unblinkingly. “Why are you here, then?”

Because you might be dying, Jungkook thinks, but he can’t bring himself to say it aloud.

“You said you wanted to apologize,” he reminds her instead, because she did mention that over the phone.

Her jaw clenches, a muscle ticking under the skin. “Can’t we catch up first?”

“I don’t really have much to say to you, Sara.”

Her eyebrows almost touch over her eyes as she frowns. “Aren’t you touring? Surely, you must have stories to tell about that.”

He widens his gaze, surprised at her audacity. “Sara, I told you I have someone in my life. She’s the one I want to tell my stories to, not you.”

It hurts her. The frown falls, replaced by a silver line slowly growing in her eyes. She blinks the tears away, looking out the window with a small, hurt chuckle.

“She’s that writer, isn’t she?”

So, Sara must have seen the rumors about you, then. 

Jungkook nods. “Not that it’s any of your business, but yes.”

“You know, Seojoon broke up with me because he said I’m still in love with you,” Sara casually says, and Jungkook hates the way his heart strains in his chest like a reflex.

He didn’t even know Seojoon had broken up with her.

“I’m sorry,” he lets out, and he’s relieved he sounds a little bit genuine. 

Because frankly, he doesn’t care that she still loves him. He hardly thinks it’s true. 

She’s too good of a manipulator for it to be true.

“It’s…” she trails off, shrugging her shoulders. “It’s whatever.”

Jungkook purses his lips, but doesn’t find words to say in return. So he busies himself with taking a sip of his coffee, and it’s so hot it almost burns the skin off his tongue. He puts the cup back down, figuring he’s going to have to wait before drinking.

“Honestly, Jungkook, I really wished we could catch up like old times.”

He shuts his eyes at the sadness laced with her words. It’s so potent he almost tastes it on his tongue despite the burn left behind by the coffee.

“I get that,” he says, looking at her. “But what we had was extremely toxic. I don’t want to bring that back into my life.”

“So you’re calling me toxic?” she says.

He cocks an eyebrow. “You have to be aware that our relationship was toxic, Sara. I’m not saying you were.” Even though she definitely was. “I think it’s better left in the past.”

She takes a deep breath, and then draws a sip from the straw in her smoothie. It takes her a moment to speak again, but then she says, “Okay, then. It was toxic. I guess this whole…” she motions at herself, “thing has really just put things in perspective for me.”

Jungkook meets her gaze, but remains silent as he waits for her to keep going.

“I’m sorry, Jungkook.” She sighs. “I’m sorry for everything I put you through.”

He clenches his jaw, not expecting the words to hurt as much as they do. He thought it’d be liberating to hear it, but it just tastes bitter.

“But you also weren’t perfect,” she adds, and it explains the bitterness behind the words.

Because with Sara, nothing ever means what it’s supposed to mean. She always has an ulterior motive, and Jungkook really doesn’t understand why he agreed to meet up. As he sits in front of her, he realizes that he’s been over her for months now, and he likes it as it is.

Likes that she’s just a memory from the past. He’s sad she’s sick, that’s for sure, but he doesn’t want to walk down memory lane when it comes to her. 

“Alright Sara,” he says. “Anything else you want to say before I leave?”

“You’re not drinking the coffee?” she asks, her eyes round with fear. 

Jungkook glances at the cup, and it looks just as hot as it was earlier. “I’m not sure it was a good idea for us to meet up.”

She starts crying. And he doesn’t know how to react, the good part of him wanting to comfort her, but the more rational one remembering that she uses tears as a weapon all the time.

“I might die, JK,” she says. “I’m scared.”

He shuts his eyes again, because what the fuck is he supposed to say to that?

“You’ve been doing treatments, no?” he asks when he opens his eyes again.

She chuckles, but it’s entirely void of joy. And then she takes off the wig she’s wearing, throwing it on the table. “Yeah.”

Jungkook stares at the wig for a few seconds before looking up at her. She looks so sad like this, so vulnerable, that the good part of him wins.

“You still look good,” he reassures her.

“Thank you for acknowledging that a woman does not need hair to be attractive,” she says, using his compliment as an attack, as always.

He tilts his head to the side, raising his eyebrows like ‘Really?’.

“No, seriously,” she adds, and she wipes at her cheeks. “It’s something I keep telling myself every time I look at myself in the mirror.” She gulps and it’s loud enough for him to hear. “I don’t recognize myself anymore. Even with the wig on.”

“I’m sorry,” he lets out, voice barely above a whisper.

She shrugs. “It’s okay. I’ll kick cancer’s ass and grow my hair back.”

“You will.”

She smiles, so sad he looks outside again to see it doesn’t seem to be snowing anymore. “Thank you,” she lets out. And then she adds, with no regard to him, “And I’m really sorry for taking you for granted all these years. I thought I’d always have you by my side.”

He clenches his jaw, sucking on his piercings hard enough to hurt. “It is what it is,” he says after a few beats of silence. “I couldn’t keep being treated like that forever.”

She nods. “Fair. I really do apologize for everything, Jungkook.”

He meets her gaze, gives her a nod. “Thank you.”

He hears the clear scuffle of steps in the staircase, and his heart stops for a second at the thought of being seen with her. But then Heryung appears at the top of the stairs, and relief washes through him.

Only to be replaced by a wave of sick dread as she takes in the sight of him, gaze widening.

“What are you doing here?” she asks as Hoseok appears behind her.

Jungkook just looks between Heryung and Hoseok a few times before glancing at Sara. She’s looking down at the table like she’s guilty, and he realizes she planned this.

She wanted them to get caught. To be seen together. And for that reason and that reason only, Jungkook gets up from the table, his anger so sudden and potent he figures it best to leave and not say hurtful things to her.

“Nothing,” Jungkook says, and he walks away, not even glancing back. 

He’s glad he didn’t take his coat off, so he doesn’t have to awkwardly put it back on before storming away. But despite trying to get away before something more can happen, Hoseok steps in his path, forcing him to stop.

“Does Y/n know you’re here?”

Jungkook frowns. “Hobi, let me leave.”

“I thought you were really into Y/n,” Hoseok adds despite the warning in Jungkook’s tone.

“I am, and I’m going back to her right now, alright?”

Hoseok frowns, but remains silent, stepping aside to let him pass. Jungkook doesn’t wait a second longer, and he quickly runs down the stairs before returning to the cold world outside.

He really shouldn’t have come.

*****

Jungkook’s been silent ever since he came back from the company. You think it might be because he had to call the police before being able to get into the house. You were napping, and so you didn’t hear, but he apparently caught two girls trying to come in when he arrived.

When are people going to get tired of this? It doesn’t make sense to you. As if Jungkook would be happy to see them walk into his house…

He called them sasaengs, but you think it’s more than that. It’s a clinical level of delusion that would need severe therapy and most likely meds to heal from. Because who in their right mind believes breaking into someone’s house will make them like you?

He made dinner when he came home, busying himself in the kitchen for nearly half an hour. You tried to engage in conversation, but he looked so out of it you ended up leaving him alone, though you did the dishes every time he was done with something, if only to keep yourself occupied.

Over dinner, he told you that the meeting at the company was a waste of time, and that he wishes he’d stayed home with you instead. You smiled, telling him you wish he stayed too, and he only then seemed to start relaxing. He still hasn’t been talkative, even as he made love to you on the couch in the living room, while a movie you did not bring yourself to care about played in the background. You then took a shower, made love again in his bed, and then went downstairs for a snack, which you ended up eating in the living room, with yet another movie playing in the background. 

And Jungkook is now lying with his head on your chest, soft snores coming out of him at regular intervals while you scroll on your phone. 

You receive a text message from Heryung, and you click on it, expecting her to update you about what you’ll do this weekend, as she suggested hanging out while she’s here.

To your surprise, her message is in fact not about meeting up at all, and you frown as you read.

[11:23 pm] Heryung: is everything okay with jk? [11:23 pm] You: yes? [11:24 pm] You: there were people at his house earlier but the police scared them off [11:25 pm] Heryung: he just seemed rattled when we saw him earlier with sara

You stare at your phone, ice filling every inch of your body. 

Jungkook was with Sara earlier?

[11:25 pm] You: wdym with sara

It takes a moment for Heryung to reply, and your heart is beating so incredibly fast by the time her message comes in that you feel dizzy.

[11:29 pm] Heryung: he was talking with her at a coffee shop earlier? [11:30 pm] Heryung: didn’t he tell you?

No, he, as a matter of fact, did not tell you. In truth, he lied to you.

Jungkook fucking lied to you.

“Jungkook,” you let out as you put your phone down, trying to rouse him from his sleep. You push on him, and he grunts as his grip around you tightens. “Jungkook,” you repeat, your tone firmer this time.

“Mmh?” he hums.

“Jungkook, get the fuck up.”

The urgency in your tone must have woken him right up, because he sits up, throwing you a confused glance as he runs a hand through his hair, leaving it dishevelled.

“What?”

You’re disgusted, looking at him then. Because if he lied to you so easily about seeing Sara, didn’t he lie about the rest, too?

“What were you doing with your ex this afternoon?”

Your question does wake him right up. His gaze widens, fear filling the depth of his eyes, and he looks around for his phone, not finding it as it’s currently on the counter in the kitchen, where he left it to charge earlier.

“It was nothing,” he says, and then he must sense it sounds bad, because he adds, “I promise.”

“You said you were at the company.”

He doesn’t say anything for a while, and you get up from the couch, heading to the kitchen. He follows behind you, trying to grab your arm, but you shake out of his grip.

“Don’t touch me right now.”

You would rather jump off a bridge than be touched by him right now.

“Sorry,” he says. “Y/n, she has cancer and she just wanted to talk.”

You laugh, a bitter taste coating your entire mouth. Because what the fuck do you mean he came home and made love to you twice without saying anything? No wonder he was so silent when he arrived.

“I don’t care,” you reply as you find your purse.

You’re wearing Jungkook’s sweater right now, the one he gave you last August, the one you were wearing when you got here. Which is a relief – you don’t have enough energy to go upstairs to grab your stuff right now.

You want out, and right now.

“She wanted to apologize,” he adds. “It really was nothing, and I shouldn’t have gone.”

You laugh again, shaking your head as you glance at him. “I really don’t care.”

You walk around him, heading towards the front door.

“Will you stop for a second so I can explain?” he says behind you.

You spin around, and he’s so close he almost bumps into you. You raise a finger, pointing at him accusingly. “You should have explained before going.”

“Well, with your reaction, I’m sure you would not have understood.”

The audacity of this man… 

You spin on your heels again, heading towards the front door. Good thing you’re wearing sweatpants, and not the silky PJ shorts you brought in your duffel bag.

“Y/n, stop, I did not mean that,” he says behind you as you’re halfway through the living room, heading to the hall that leads to the front door. “She was shitty, like she always is, and I honestly just want to pretend it never happened.”

“Why the fuck did you go see her, then?” you ask.

“She has cancer,” he repeats. “She called crying and said she needed to talk to someone, and that she wanted to apologize.”

“It’s unfortunate for her that she’s sick, it really is,” you say, and you mean it. “But if you think that that’s the biggest problem, then I don’t have anything to do here anymore.”

“What’s the problem?” he asks, which only makes you laugh bitterly again.

A look over your shoulder tells you the laugh hurt him. He looks like you’ve slapped him across the face, and you really need to get out of this house before you actually do it.

“You lied, Jungkook. You lied like it was nothing.”

“I just didn’t want to make a big deal out of this,” he says, and his voice shakes like he’s about to cry. “I didn’t even want to see her.”

You turn around. He’s further away this time, having stopped at the start of the hall, of which you’re already almost all the way down.

“But you still went, and you lied about it,” you say. “You really believe I’ll trust a single word you say after that?”

He closes his eyes, cards his hand through his hair again. “Y/n, don’t blow this out of proportion, please. Let’s talk it out.”

“I do not want to talk it out with you,” you spit. “I don’t entertain cheaters.”

You resume your walk to the door, kicking off the slippers he got for you to put your shoes on instead.

“It’s freezing outside, surely you’re not going to walk home.”

You look over your shoulder. “I think I might punch you if you stop me.”

“Your things are upstairs,” he points out, and there’s terror in his voice. It’s shaking at the edges, and you reckon he seems to be shaking, too.

“Give them to Mingyu, he’ll bring them to me.”

You turn to grab the door knob. 

“Y/n, stop,” Jungkook insists again. “I’m not a cheater. I didn’t cheat, we just talked.”

“But lying about it is emotional cheating,” you throw at him, the accusing finger back on display. “You lied like it was nothing, and you probably wouldn’t have said anything about it if I didn’t find out on my own.”

“Heryung told you?”

“It doesn’t matter who told me, Jungkook. I’m going home.”

“Stop!” he yells as you turn the door knob, only to find it locked. “Please stop. I’m in love with you, you can’t just leave like that.”

His words take your heart out of your chest, throw it on the floor only to stomp on it repeatedly until it’s a disgusting mess of jam. 

“You should have thought about that before lying,” you say, your voice lower this time, and you unlock the door before looking at him one last time. “You really should have thought about it before lying.”

“Y/n, please,” he says, his voice breaking as tears roll on his cheeks. 

It gathers tears in your eyes, too, so you turn around, stepping out into the cold November night. The door closes behind you, sounding like the final nail in a coffin, and you feel like you’ve been dipped in acid. Your entire body hurts with the betrayal and heartbreak, and you angrily blink the tears away, refusing to cry for Jungkook.

Not after he lied to you like this. 

The street is empty, save for the moon up in the sky, and you walk down towards the boulevard, looking over your shoulder  at Jungkook’s house, expecting him to come running out after you, but the door remains shut.

It hurts so bad you turn left, needing to be home as quick as possible before you collapse. Because you will. You know you will – the tears are an impending doom of the collapse that awaits you the second the heartbreak really does fully settle in. So you turn left, heading towards the alley you walked down with Jungkook once, the moon thankfully guiding your path.

And as you walk, you can’t help but doubt everything Jungkook ever told you. It turns the memories from Jeju into a rotten mess, and you clench your teeth so hard it hurts.

I’m in love with you.

Hours ago, those words would have been the most beautiful revelation in this world, but now they just burn and ache and break, and you wish he had kept it to himself instead of putting that weight on your shoulders.

Because why the fuck did he lie to you if he is truly in love with you? To see his ex out of all things…

You reach the alley that cuts through the neighbourhood. It’s dark, like it always is but even more so at night, and you can almost hear Jungkook’s voice telling you it’s not safe. But his voice is the last thing you want to hear, so you ignore it, turning into the alley. You don’t slow down as it grows darker – there isn’t really any light but the light of the moon that’s following you home up in the sky, but even then the full moon barely reaches the ground here.

It’s creepy. Even during the day, this alley has always been creepy to you, and you feel adrenaline slowly surging into your bloodstream, inconveniently erasing the anger you’ve been feeling at Jungkook’s words. Instead, it’s replaced by the primal fear of being looked at right now, and you look over your shoulder.

There’s no one behind you, yet you accelerate, wanting to be out of the alley as soon as you possibly can. Your throat dries out, your heart picking up its pace in your chest, and you hear it hammering inside your ribcage as you reach the bend in the alley.

Your heart almost stops entirely as two girls are standing just right there, and you stop in your tracks right before bumping into one of them. They eye you up and down, exchanging a look that makes cold sweat break out on every inch of your skin, and you immediately open your purse, trying to reach for your phone.

“Sorry,” you tell the girls as you try to pass between them, but one of them steps right in front of you.

You look at her, cocking an eyebrow, hand still fumbling in your purse for your phone. You can feel your Airpod case, your keys and your lip stain, but your phone isn’t there.

Why is your phone not there?

“Are you Jungkook’s girlfriend?” the girl that stepped in front of you says.

Your gaze widens, and you let out a small laugh. “Excuse me?”

“Our friend says you just left his house.”

A ball of lead is forming at the bottom of your stomach, and it grows so heavy you feel like you can’t breathe right.

“Do I know you?” you ask, and you give up your search for your phone – it’s still on Jungkook’s couch, after all – holding onto your purse like it might be a weapon instead.

It feels silly, but the way the girls are looking at you makes the hair rise all over your body, and you just want to get out.

The girl to your left laughs, pushing up the wall against which she was leaning. She’s smoking a cigarette – the smell of it is clouding the air surrounding you – and she throws it on the floor, stepping on it with the heel of a boot.

She doesn’t look much older than twenty. The one in front of you seems older, and she has a predatory gleam in her eyes that makes you take a step back.

“Don’t be afraid,” she says, and just like that, you know that you have to be very, very afraid.

“I’m just trying to go home,” you say, voice shaking slightly, and you turn on your heel, heading back the way you came from.

You make it three steps after the bend in the alley before you notice a man and another woman coming your way. 

“We finally got her,” the man says in Korean, and you glance over your shoulder to see the two girls have followed you.

“She’s scared,” the first girl lets out.

They laugh. They all laugh, and you’re hit with the realization that they have to be some of the sasaengs that keep trying to get into Jungkook's house.

“Who are you?” you ask.

“And she speaks English? Not surprised he’s fucking ditching us for a foreign girl.”

You gulp as the four of them walk closer to you. There’s no way out – the walls are way too high on each side for you to dream of climbing them, and you know they won’t let you pass even if you ask. There’s something in the way they’re eyeing you that makes you feel like a mouse in the talons of an eagle, and you raise your hands.

“Hey, I’m not looking for any trouble,” you say.

You can’t even call the police. There’s nothing you can do, and you look behind the man and woman in front of you, hoping to see someone else coming your way.  Maybe Jungkook, finally running out after you. But it’s late, and it’s a residential neighbourhood, and you really shouldn’t have come in here at this hour.

“Leave me alone.” You’d hoped to sound threatening, but it only makes the guy laugh, and then everything happens all at once.

You make to scream, but the girl behind you wraps her hand on your mouth, pulling you back and making you stumble. The man is on you in an instant, and his fist collides on the side of your face so hard you see stars, your knees giving out under you. You drop your purse, and you try to raise a hand only for the girl to pull your arm in your back.

“We should film this,” one of the other girls says. “That’s going to teach him that he shouldn’t just date any fucking slut.”

You bite. It’s all you can think to do in the panic and grogginess that are battling inside your mind, and she lets you go long enough that you can scream.

One shrill sound that echoes on the walls of the alley, but that dies the second the man punches you in the stomach. The air goes out of your lungs as you fold in two, and you swear you heard something crack. But you don’t have time to think.

You’re thrown on the ground, and then they’re kicking at you. All you can think to do is protect your head, and tears roll on your cheeks as you let out muffled yelps of pain. You don’t know how long it is before someone’s pulling your head back by your hair, forcing you up in a sitting position. You try to get their hand off your hair, weakly punching at the air above you, but they’re laughing at you.

They’re all laughing at you, and you’re crying. You’ve been crying, and all you manage to do is grab ahold of the fingers in your hair. Your scalp is burning from how hard they’re pulling on it, but you immediately stop moving when you feel something cold on your throat.

“She deserves to fucking die.”

It’s the guy speaking, and you open your eyes to see him bending down in front of you. He’s got a knife in his hand, and the tip of it is pressing on your throat.

You’re going to die. You are going to die, and all you can think to do is say, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

It must have enabled him. Because he laughs, slapping you. “You’re not.”

“Okay, I think it’s enough,” one of the girls says, panic in her voice. 

You look up to see the youngest one looking down at you, and the last member of their group is holding onto her arm. “Just let him do what we paid him to do,” the one holding her says.

“We said we’d scare her.”

“She pissed herself, we got her pretty good.”

It occurs to you that you might have. That you’re too dizzy and terrified to compute that your pants are indeed wet, and that something warm is also running down your temple.

“She’s even bleeding,” the man says, and he brushes his fingers on the side of your face.

You’re shaking. You’re shaking like a leaf in the wind and all you want to do is fall asleep and never wake up.

This has to be a nightmare. But everything is hurting, and you’re keenly aware that it isn’t a nightmare. Suddenly, he pressure on your scalp suddenly disappears, and you fall on the ground again, rolling into a fetal position.

You hear screams. You hear screams and something sharp digs in your side twice before they’re running away, and you’re sobbing. You’re sobbing and your hand is red when you touch your side.

You’re bleeding.

Why the fuck did you leave your phone at Jungkook’s place?

They’re gone. They left, and you’re bleeding. 

Did they run because he stabbed you? 

You take a deep breath, and it hurts so much you choke.

You choke, but hands find your shoulders and pull you up. You cry in pain, shielding your face, but it’s a familiar voice this time.

“Y/n.”

You sob and choke and shake.

“Y/n, look at me.”

You can’t. Everything hurts.

“Please.” His voice breaks. “Y/n, holy fucking shit.”

He gently rests you down on the floor, and then he’s speaking quick Korean on the phone.

“Stay with me,” he tells you a few seconds later, but it also feels like an eternity later.

Time is moving slow and quick, all at once.

“Jungkook,” you choke out. You’re lying on your back, and his doe eyes are so wide you see white all around his irises. “What are you doing here?”

“I called the police,” he says, and you think he’s crying, like he was crying at his house. “Just stay with me.”

He has his hand on your side now. You don’t even know when he put it there, when yours fell away from the wounds.

“But what about Sara?”

You don’t know why you think of her right now. Why you become so tired at the same time, like you’ve just run four marathons back to back.

“Stay with me.” 

Jungkook is pretty. You’ve always been aware of it, but with the moon creating a halo behind his head, he looks like an angel. You raise your hand, and you touch his cheek. It stains red, and your hand falls back on the ground. You don’t even feel it hit the concrete.

You see home. Your home country, your family. Growing up with your siblings. You see a night sky over the sea in Jeju, words whispered against your skin. You’re so tired, and you can’t hold on much longer.

“Hey, hey, look at me,” Jungkook says.

You don’t know when you closed your eyes, but they flutter open at the sound of his voice. He smiles at you, and tears run down his cheeks. You want to tell him you’re okay, you’re not mad anymore, but no sound comes out when your mouth opens.

You pass out on your next exhale.

*****

Jungkook sees the moment the light goes out in your eyes. Sees the moment you lose consciousness, and alarms ring so loud in the distance that he startles. He says your name, over and over again, but you don’t come back. Blood still spills from the wounds on your side, and he can’t even tell if you’re alive anymore.

He should have never gone to see Sara. Fucking hell,

He’d kill her right now, but her cancer might just take care of that for him.

“Y/n, please come back to me,” he cries as he gently pats your cheek, only to leave blood on it.

He didn’t even realize his two hands were covered in blood.

“Fuck, Y/n.” He’s been crying, but your lack of response makes him break, and he shatters like glass hit by a baseball bat.

You’re dying. Hell, you might be dead. If he had run out after you faster, he would have been able to protect you. Would have told you to come back so you can talk. Would have convinced you somehow, even though you seemed so disgusted with him before you left.

He doesn’t quite know when the paramedics reach your side. When they pull him away from you, and he resists, refusing to let you out of his sight. He’s screaming, panicking. He might even have punched someone. But he can’t see you anymore, and there’s an animalistic fear in him at the thought that this might be the last time he ever sees you.

“I need you to calm down,” a police officer says, breaking through his panic. “Just calm down.”

“Let me stay with her.” Jungkook cries, and the police officer pulls him in a hug. 

“We’ll drive you to the hospital.”

“No.” Jungkook pushes him away. “Where is she?”

“They’re going to take her to the hospital.”

“I want to be with her,” Jungkook says, and he’s almost screaming.

A lot of people are watching him – paramedics, police officers, there are even people looking through the windows of their houses where lights have been turned on since he found you lying in a pool of your own blood.

“Let him come,” one of the paramedics says.

Jungkook almost falls in her arms, and she leads him to the ambulance. You’re lying there, and you’re so pale, and Jungkook just stares at you.

Your heart is beating. At least that’s what they say, and Jungkook can’t even fucking blink.

Everything passes in a blur. The ambulance ride. The hospital, with its white walls and pale blue floors. There are neon lights, and then a doctor calmly tells Jungkook that he has to let go of your hand. He can’t – your fingers are cold under his touch, and he’ll punch whoever tries to take you away from him.

“He’s under shock,” someone is saying.

“He might need calming meds.”

“Please, sir,” the doctor says. “We’ll bring her right back to you.”

Dead or alive.

Dead, or fucking alive?

They manage to get him to let go of you.

Jungkook watches them as they push your stretcher away, and then you disappear behind double doors.

And he dies with you.

Prev | Next

☆☆☆☆☆

........ yeah huh. my most sincere apologies. you're free to scream at me, i deserve it

☆☆☆☆☆

Sunday, October 26th

Jungkook is tired. Exhausted, even, and he wishes they didn’t have concerts back to back like they’ve had the last few weekends.

Three concerts one after the other is too much, he reckons. But at least, the streak is done, and they have until next Thursday before the next concert, though they’ll have to travel to a whole other country for that one.

To be fair, Vancouver isn’t too far from Seattle, but still.

Jungkook looks towards Taehyung, who’s typing away on his phone while the other members are slowly taking off the tour outfits to put on their regular clothes again. Taehyung’s smiling, most likely texting Jennie, and Jungkook wonders if you’re busy right now. It’s a little past 11 pm here, which means it should be…

His brain fails to do the maths, and Jungkook pulls his phone out to go look at the international clocks. It should be 4 pm in Seoul, according to the app, which means you’re probably in the meeting for the publishing of your book. Indeed, it’ll be out in two weeks, with a book release at midnight in Seoul, where Jennie, Mingyu, Lisa and probably even Rosé will be in attendance.

You said your agent believed it to be the best way to promote the book, and to have all eyes on it right from the start. Jungkook agrees that it’s a good idea, and he wishes he could be there to support you…

But he’ll be getting ready for a concert in the evening in yet another city. Actually, he’ll probably still be asleep then, considering the time difference.

He’s been missing you a lot. Despite frequent FaceTime calls and almost constant texting, when you’re awake, he feels like he left his heart in your hands that Sunday in August when they first had to leave for the South American leg of the tour. They visited multiple countries there, performing in Sao Paulo, Lima, Buenos Aires, Bogota and even Santiago. Each stop had more than one concert, and then they headed up to Mexico City before starting with a few shows in New York.

And now Seattle, and soon Vancouver. And after that, they’ll be going back down the West Coast. 

Jungkook sighs, exhaustion swiftly pushing through him. He feels a little dizzy, and so he sits down, heading to his text messages with you.

[7:07 pm] You: good luck for the concert tonight [7:08 pm] You: you’re gonna fuck shit up

Your messages made him smile earlier, and they still do as he rereads, imagining you saying it out loud with that twinkle in your eyes he’s been chasing in the night sky whenever the sun is down. 

He hasn’t looked at the stars the same since the trip to Jeju. They remind him of you, and he’s taken a liking to stargazing each night, even though the city lights rarely let him see the stars like he saw them with you. They were infinite that night, with the Milky Way striking across the sky. 

He doesn’t even know if he’ll be able to see anything tonight. It was cloudy earlier, before they got to the arena, but the clouds were supposed to scatter around midnight…

Hopefully.

[11:13 pm] Jungkook: it was a good concert but oof i’m glad we’re done with seattle

He presses send, watching the message deliver on your message thread. He doubts you’ll reply right away, so he shoves his phone in the pocket of his pants, yawning as he glances around to see that they’re almost all ready to go.

Everyone is in different levels of exhaustion, it seems, with only Jimin brimming with energy as he had the brilliant idea to chug an energy drink before the encore. He’s currently yapping to Hoseok about something Jungkook doesn’t care to listen to, and Hoseok is replying with short one-worded answers, though it doesn’t deter Jimin.

Nothing ever really does. Jungkook envies that of his friend – talking has always been easy for Jimin, whereas Jungkook’s always been a little more on the introverted side. It almost cost him you at the beginning of your relationship, after all.

He blushes. Relationship is a big word. You’ve never really put a label on what it is between you and him, but Jungkook likes to tell himself that you’re his girlfriend. All the members act as if you are, too, so it’s been easy for him.

He wonders if you see him as your boyfriend. Or if the distance keeps you from imagining him as such. It hurts, his heart straining in his chest, and he wishes he could be by your side, if only for a few hours.

He’d ask you to be his girlfriend instead of just assuming you are. He’s thought about doing it over FaceTime, but it feels way too lame compared to the intensity of what he feels for you. And despite the distance, his feelings for you have just kept on growing since the end of August, only strengthening with every day that passes.

He believes you feel the same, if only because you always struggle with hanging up every time you FaceTime, telling him you need to see him for just a little longer. He never minds it, even though it steals some precious minutes of rest from him.

Who needs sleep when he can spend time with you instead?

“Let’s go,” Namjoon says to no one in particular, though Jungkook knows his words are aimed at the group of them. 

Indeed, they all file out of the dressing room, heading to the two cars that’ll drive them back to the hotel. Jungkook climbs into the one with Namjoon, Yoongi and Jimin, the two latter deciding to go grab a beer at a local bar while Namjoon peers down at his phone in his hands.

He’s been talking with his ex these last few days, the one he was with during the summer. They didn’t last long, but it seems the feelings lingered on her side, because she reached out to him first. She was the one to end things, though, so Jungkook feels wary for his friend, but he hasn’t said anything.

With his history with Sara, it would probably be out of place for him to say anything. Because he never listened to Namjoon’s advice, no matter how many times Namjoon told him to break up with Sara and block her so that she doesn’t come back.

He still hasn’t blocked her, though he hasn’t replied to any of the messages she’s sent over the last few months. She doesn’t deserve his attention anymore, or at least he likes to tell himself that.

He’s too busy thinking about you anyway. Talking to you, too. There’s no room for Sara in his life when he’s with you.

The car reaches the hotel, parking out front. There are fans waiting outside, and Jungkook shuts his eyes in annoyance, though he knows it’s not as bad as those that come to his house.

There were two break-in attempts this last month, though the police was quick to intervene. Both people ended up doing some jail time, and they have yet to show up on the cameras again.

Hell, one of them was even deported to another country with a stain on their passport that blocks them from ever returning to South Korea.

Jungkook shakes the thoughts away – they’re too heavy, and he doesn’t have the energy for that right now. Instead, he waits for the manager to give them the go to exit the car, and he plasters a smile on his lips when he finally does get out, waving at the fans.

They scream at the sight of him and the other members, and Jungkook could kiss Taehyung on the forehead when he shushes them with a finger on his mouth. They all instantly fall silent, which makes Jimin snort and say, “Damn, they’re well-trained.”

Hopefully, none of the fans speak Korean, because there’s a sarcastic lilt to Jimin’s words. One that doesn’t go unnoticed by the rest of the members, including Jungkook, and they all chuckle before heading in, wishing the fans good night.

Before he gets in, Jungkook makes sure to look up – there’s a break in the clouds, and he sees a lone star shining up above in all its beauty. He reckons it might be Jupiter, but he’ll have to make sure with his starmap app later.

For now, he focuses on heading to his hotel room to take a shower as he waits for you to get out of your meeting so that you can FaceTime before he goes to bed. It’s well past midnight when you finally text him to call, and he’s already half asleep in bed when he presses on the icon at the top of the conversation, the front camera turning on to reveal the dark circles under his eyes along with his tousled hair.

He looks even more exhausted than he feels, and he winces at the sight, trying to fix his hair quickly as the call connects.

“Hey,” you greet him the second you come into view.

You’re sitting at a coffeeshop from the looks of it, having clearly called the second you left the library where the book release will be. You’re sipping an iced americano, and you look so beautiful Jungkook thinks he might burst out crying.

Do you miss him as much as he misses you?

“Hey,” he echoes, wetting his lip. “How did the meeting go?”

You smile, glancing to the side as someone walks past you with a tray in hand. “It went really well. They’ll be able to sell alcohol.”

You’d been worried about that, as you claimed it’s one of the most fun parts of midnight releases. Especially with the crowd that’s expected since a bunch of celebrities will be in attendance.

“That’s amazing,” Jungkook says. “You must be relieved.”

You nod, your eyebrows raising over your eyes. “You have no clue. But what about you, how was the concert?”

“Same old,” Jungkook replies with a chuckle. “At this point, I think I could do the concert asleep.”

You laugh, the crystalline sound carrying so well through the phone Jungkook feels like you’re right here with him for a few seconds. His heart reaches for you, thinking it’ll find you… only to be met with a void that sounds like you.

He didn’t even know it was physically possible to miss someone this much.

“You probably could,” you agree, and then your features grow more serious. “You actually look exhausted.”

He sighs, rolling on his back as he holds the phone over his face. “Yeah, I am.” You look sad at his words, and he quickly adds, “But we have four days off until the next concert, so I’ll be able to rest a bunch.”

“Good.” You nod, as if to put emphasis on your word. “Really good. They shouldn’t overwork you guys like this.”

Jungkook chuckles. “Honestly, most of the time, it isn’t too bad. I’ve just been having trouble sleeping at this hotel, and it was three days of concerts straight.”

“Inhumane!” you let out, which only makes him laugh again.

“I’ll make sure you’re on the tour planning committee next time so we can avoid this.”

You smile. It’s infinitely soft, and Jungkook wishes he could reach through the screen to trace the curve of your lips with a finger. 

“I’ll make sure all concerts are in Seoul,” you say with a nod. “Or wherever I’ll be in the world by then.”

“Here, probably.”

You snort. “I did not grow up in the West.” You tilt your head to the side, growing pensive. “I could probably easily follow if it was all in the US, though…”

That’s something Jungkook realized weeks ago, one night he couldn’t sleep and he just ended up staring at the ceiling. As a writer, you’re not confined to one country to be able to work. You could write from anywhere in the world. If it weren’t for the fact you’re releasing your book in Seoul and have to do some promotion for it there, he would have suggested that you join on part of the tour.

But it feels like a lot to ask. Even Minha got too tired and decided to go back to Korea for a few weeks before coming back some time in November. At least that was the plan the last time he talked to Seokjin about it, and Jungkook genuinely hopes she’ll come back.

Seokjin has been a grumpy pain in the ass since she left.

“You could,” Jungkook says as he pulls on his piercings. “And then you could be in Seoul with me when the tour finishes.”

“That’d be amazing.”

Jungkook agrees. To be with you, back home… with nowhere to go and nothing to do. He’d take his damn time with you.

The thought immediately sends a bolt of lust down his spine, and it shoots forward to his dick.

“I miss you,” he says. He wets his lips, shuts his eyes for a few seconds to keep the arousal at bay – you’re in public after all. “I wish I could be with you right now.”

“Oh, Jungkook,” you let out, and he opens his eyes to see a pout on your lips, your gaze growing sad, heavier. “I miss you too.”

“Just want to kiss you.” Jungkook sighs, and he rolls on his side. “Really fucking wanna kiss you, actually.”

Your cheeks dust with pink. “Is that all you want to do?”

The question makes his heartbeat skyrockets, and Jungkook shuts his eyes with a small chuckle. “Don’t do this to me.”

You laugh, mischief in every word you say next, so low he barely hears them. “I really wanna be able to touch you.”

“Yeah?” he lets out as his dick hardens at your words.

You look around, bringing the phone closer to yourself. “Kinda want to ride you, too.”

Fuck.

He can picture it. You on top of him, your breasts bouncing as he jackhammers his hips into yours, the way you scream his name when you come…

You nod your head. “It’d be better than your hand, no?”

You’re insanity personified. Or maybe that’s him. Slowly going insane for a woman on the other side of the world.

He says your name like a warning. “People are going to hear you.”

You laugh, shrugging your shoulders. “Alright then, I’ll stop.”

“Are you far from home?” Jungkook asks, his hand going down his body as he tries to readjust himself in his boxers.

“Why?” you ask innocently.

“You know exactly why.” His voice is low, husky, and he wonders if you can hear the urgency in his tone.

He needs you so bad. Misses you even more and he is truly, fully, going insane with every moment spent away from you.

“Well, I’m meeting with Mingyu soon.”

It’s like someone threw a bucket of cold water at him, and the arousal slips out of Jungkook as if it was never there to begin with.

You’re friends with Mingyu. Obviously a lot closer to Jennie, but you’ve been hanging out with Mingyu lately, hitting the gym with him and Jennie whenever she can. But it hasn’t been too often lately, because she’s been out of the city to film a movie that’ll release next year.

And Jungkook loves Mingyu. They’re best friends after all. But Mingyu is attractive, and a flirt, and has mentioned he finds you attractive before, and…

Jungkook stops the train of thoughts before it can spiral any further.

“Gym sesh?” he asks.

You nod. “And then dinner with Hyunseok and his boyfriend.”

The jealousy dissipates at the knowledge you won’t spend too long with Mingyu, but Jungkook still wishes it could be him instead.

You’ve never worked out together before despite the multiple times you hung out at his house. The only time you ever were in his gym together is that night he ended up fingering you before you ran away.

“Where are you guys going?” he asks.

“The restaurant you recommended in Seongsu.”

You say the words with sadness etched around your eyes. Jungkook frowns at the sight, wishing he could take you in his arms.

“You okay?”

“I wish we were going together,” you admit. “I… I really miss you a lot too.”

A lump forms in Jungkook’s throat, and he gulps around it. But then…

They have five days off between the San Francisco concert and then the following one. Maybe he could fly home for a time…

He sits up in bed, eyes going wide. “I’ll come.”

“What?” you let out.

He laughs, like he should have figured it out before. “I’ll come home in two weeks. I have five days off, I can easily fly in and spend them with you.”

“Don’t say that,” you say, your voice barely above a whisper.

Jungkook’s excitement slowly dwindles to nothing. “Why?”

“Don’t make promises you can’t hold.”

He sucks on his piercings. “But I can,” he insists. “I’ll book flights with the manager. I bet some of the other members would also love to go home for a little.”

“But you’re already exhausted,” you point out, though Jungkook sees the spark of hope as it ignites in your eyes, an echo of the one in his, he’s pretty sure.

“Who cares?” he lets out. “I’ll sleep on the flight to Incheon, and then I’ll sleep with you in my arms.”

“You’ll snore in my ears all night.” 

You’re smiling. You’re smiling and it’s like the light at the end of the tunnel. Jungkook runs towards it, dives in it.

“I will, and you’ll love it,” he jokes.

The smile stretches even wider, turning into a full-blown grin. “I will.”

Jungkook sends a message to the group chat, asking who wants to go with him, and then returns to the call with you. “I’ll see you soon.”

It’s like he’s suddenly powered by a nuclear reactor, and he feels like getting up to jump around like a little kid. He keeps it in though, his heart galloping in his chest instead, and he realizes his gaze is wet as a tear slips free, a bearer of so much joy he doesn’t even bother wiping it away.

You look just as happy. Your eyes shining with unshed tears too, your grin still just as wide. You laugh, that same crystalline sound wrapping around Jungkook like a warm blanket. It doesn’t hurt like before, just fills him with far too much happiness for his heart to handle.

“I can’t wait,” he says. “We’ll cuddle and work out and I’ll cook some food for you.”

“Oh, your food,” you let out. “I fucking miss your food.”

His lips curve upwards. “I’ll cook you breakfast and lunch and dinner, and as many snacks as you want.”

“I’ll get fat.”

“More of you to love,” he says, and then his gaze widens at his choice of words.

Love is a big word you have yet to say to each other, sort of, and Jungkook does not want to say it through the phone for the first time. Not when he whispered on your skin that he was falling in love with you the last time he saw you.

But he’s not falling anymore. Things are more than clear now.

Your eyes widen too, and you let out a small giggle. “Of course, of course.”

Jungkook’s phone buzzes in his hand with an upcoming message from Hoseok.

[1:04 am] Hoseok: heryung’s home those dates, i’m fucking in

“Hobi is coming too,” Jungkook says.

He receives a message from Seokjin and Namjoon at the same time, both of them saying they want to come as well.

“Jin and Namjoon too,” he adds a second later.

“Taehyung?” you ask, probably thinking about Jennie.

“He hasn’t replied yet, but I’m sure he’ll come.”

“Good,” you let out. And then you chuckle, eyes falling to your coffee. “I’ll see you in two weeks.”

He nods. “Right after your book release.”

You laugh again, slightly shaking your head like you can’t believe it. “I can’t fucking wait.”

“Me neither.”

And it’s true. The two next weeks are going to be hell. If only because Jungkook knows time will feel eternal, inching forward at a snail pace. But even if time stretches indefinitely…

You’ll still be there at the end of those two weeks. And there’s nothing in this world that matters more than that.

Monday, November 10th

Your steps are light today. There’s a bounce to them as if you’re a second way from flying away like a balloon in the wind. It makes sense, as you’ll finally see Jungkook after months of waiting to see him again. Not only that, but your book release was a success over the weekend, and you’ve made record sales since Saturday night.

Your dreams are paying off. In every aspect of your life, it seems. And you really feel so fucking light you might start floating soon. Hell, you’ll float to Jungkook’s place.

You’re on your way there. With a duffel bag with clothes for the next few days, because you’re not planning on leaving his house until he has to leave and go back to America.

He said he wouldn’t let you leave. That he’ll lock you in the basement if you try to, which only makes you laugh because his basement is the least threatening basement you’ve ever seen with the karaoke corner and the bar and the gym.

You’re walking down the boulevard, the wind surprisingly warm today. Or maybe the warmth comes from within, your heart inundating your bloodstream with it as it pumps your blood.

In just twenty minutes, you’ll finally be at Jungkook’s place. He offered to pick you up, but you had a meeting with Stella about the book release and you didn’t want him to wait around for you when he just landed from a twelve-hour flight. So you convinced him to go home, and you practically ran out the second the meeting finished.

Your bag has been ready since he told you he’d come two weeks ago.

So, you walk with a bounce in your step, unable to stop yourself from smiling as you turn into Jungkook’s street. You pass by two girls as you do so, and you smile at them, only to have them glare at you like you’re weird.

Right. People don’t usually smile at each other here. You can’t bring yourself to care, not when you’re so damn happy to see him. And it doesn’t take you long to reach his house, the street outside blissfully empty. He’s given you the code to get in without having to knock, and you head to the door, pressing it in before pushing the door open.

And then you’re stepping in, kicking your shoes off as you inhale a whiff of food. He’s cooking, much like he said he would, and you drop your bag and purse by the door before running in.

He’s in the kitchen, his back turned to you as he’s at the stove, mixing something in a pan with a wooden spoon. He doesn’t hear you, and you just stand there for a few seconds, taking in the fact that he’s standing in the same room as you. That, in a second, he’ll turn around and see you, and you’ll be able to run up to him, to hold him in your arms like you’ve been craving since August.

“Hey,” you let out, unable to wait any longer.

He startles, looking over his shoulder, and the second he sees you standing there, Jungkook spins around, running up to you and picking you up in his arms. You wrap yours around his neck as he spins you around, and you giggle as the world spins and spins.

“You’re here,” he says like he can’t believe it, and then he’s laughing too. “You’re here.”

“I am,” you say, and he stops spinning to look up at you, and you crash your lips on his with enough force he stumbles back.

His lips are just as pillowy soft as you remember them to be, and they part on a small grunt that just makes you laugh again. 

“You’re here,” he repeats against your mouth, like he can hardly believe it.

“I’ve always been here,” you say as you pull away to meet his eyes. And then you fall in the depths of them, in the emotions and the stars that look like nebulas as he stares at you with such intensity you feel like no one’s ever truly seen you before. “You’re the one that left.”

He lets out a small chuckle, and then he puts you down. He doesn’t let you get too far, his hands cupping your cheeks so he can pull you into another kiss, much more languid this time. 

It’s a heavy kiss. It holds the weight of the months apart, of the distance and the numerous FaceTime calls where you just craved the other’s touch. It’s heavy with the feelings that slowly appeared between the two of you over the summer, strengthened by the time in Jeju. It’s heavy with the way those feelings kept growing despite being away from each other since then, too.

It’s heavy with the fact he alluded to loving you on that FaceTime call two weeks ago when he decided to come back. And fuck, as he pulls away from you to rest his forehead against yours, his thumbs swiping the side of your face, those three little words almost tumble free.

But then the smoke detector starts blaring, and you both startle, glancing at the stove.

“Shit,” Jungkook says, and he runs back to the stove, quickly lifting the pan from it. He grabs the wooden spoon, stirring the contents of the pan, and then looks at you. “Can you grab a towel and shake it at the smoke detector?”

You nod, gaze widening because why didn’t you think of it before, and then you’re jogging into the kitchen, pulling the drawer with the dish towels open to grab one. And then you’re shaking it at the ceiling as Jungkook cranks the fan up to its highest setting. It’s so loud you can barely hear yourself think, but soon enough, the smoke alarm stops, and Jungkook turns down the fan and opens a window instead.

“I think the oil burned a little,” he says, “and some of the chicken might not be edible anymore but…” He shrugs with a laugh. “We still have plenty enough for a snack.”

You smile, walking back behind the kitchen island, throwing the towel on the counter. “Let me see.”

He lowers the pan, and you gaze at its contents. Indeed, some of the vegetables and chicken have blackened, though most of it still looks perfectly fine.

“Yeah, we’re good,” you say with a nod. Right on cue, your stomach wails, and you both burst out laughing. “I’m starving.”

“Then let’s eat,” he says, grinning wide. “I’m famished too.”

You grab plates from the cupboard next to the stove fan, and you help Jungkook with splitting the charred food with what’s still good before you split that into two plates. Luckily enough, and because Jungkook always cooks for an army, you both have plenty enough food for a full meal, and you eat at the kitchen island, Jungkook sitting so close you feel his thigh against yours. You don’t mind – you’ve needed him close, far closer than that, for months.

You’re not going to push him away now that he’s finally here.

When the meal is done and the dishes are washed and left to dry, you return to the front door to grab your duffel bag, bringing it upstairs in Jungkook’s bedroom. He’s your shadow on the way there, right behind you the whole time like he can’t let you out of sight for more than a few seconds. 

You put your duffel down by the bed, turning around with the intention of teasing Jungkook about it, but the intense look in his eyes stops the words from coming out, your smile slowly dying.

“I’ve missed you so fucking much,” he whispers as he takes a step toward you.

“Jungkook…”

You both start walking toward each other then, crashing in the middle of his bedroom. Jungkook’s lips are on yours quicker than you can even register it, and it clashes so hard you think your teeth might have slightly bashed together. But it doesn’t hurt, not when emotions pour out of his body and yours like a dam just broke between you and you’re losing yourselves in the dizzying dance of your lips on his, of your hands getting lost in his hair while his hold the back of your head and your waist.

The kiss deepens as Jungkook nudges your lips open with his tongue. He’s gentle about it, like he’s coaxing a wild animal into surrendering to him, and you’d laugh about it, say it’s not needed, if you weren’t so busy kissing him back with so much passion your heart races for a finish line you know it’ll find somewhere in his ribcage.

As your tongues twirl together, Jungkook backs you toward the bed, though he doesn’t push you down yet. He keeps on kissing you, keeps on holding you close like he can’t let go of you yet, even if it’s just for the few heartbeats it’d take for you to fall back on the bed. And you don’t want to let go either. Even as your lungs start burning from lack of oxygen, you just keep on moving your lips against the pillowy softness of his, his taste inebriating on your tongue.

You’ll never get enough of this man. There aren’t enough days in eternity for you to get bored of him, but you want every single one of them. You want to challenge fate, tell it to try and break you apart now that you’re together.

As if that’ll ever happen. 

Jungkook pulls away from the kiss, his lips swollen by it, and you just stare at each other for a few seconds like you’re trying to make sure that this is really happening, that you’re finally reunited. And you smile, so wide, because this is as real as can be.

You’re finally here together.

You sit back on the bed, grabbing Jungkook’s hand to tug him down with you. He resists for a few seconds like he needs to look at you for just a little longer, and then he climbs on top of you, spreading your legs with a knee as you lie back down with him hovering over you. His mouth is on yours a heartbeat later, so soft and sweet you could cry.

“I don’t think I can take my time with you right now,” he whispers in a desperate plea when there’s a short break in the kiss so you can breathe.

You’re holding his cheeks, and you immediately pull him back down for another kiss that leads to you sucking on his lower lip, teasing it with your teeth.

“Don’t take your time,” you reply when you part.

It’s like you’ve unleashed a beast. Jungkook grunts, grinding into you to show you just how hard he already is, and then he straightens, taking off his shirt, hands flying to his belt after. He unbuckles it, takes it off in a swift motion, and throws it on the floor. It thumps on the hardwood floor, and you imagine it probably left a mark, but Jungkook does not seem like he gives a fuck as he gets up to quickly push his pants and underwear down.

He steps out of the pile of clothing in his naked glory save for a silver chain on his neck, and he fists his dick, stroking himself as he looks down at you. You sit up, hand reaching for him, and he guides himself to your mouth.

You know what he wants, and you want it just as bad as he does. You’ve been dying for a taste of him, so you lick at the bead of precum that prettily sits on his slit, and then take him in your mouth, tongue swirling around him. Jungkook grunts, head throwing back as you suck hard, and he grabs your cheeks, pulling out of your mouth.

“I’ll come if you suck me,” he says, and he chuckles breathlessly. “I want to be inside you.”

You’re not going to say no to that, not when he starts undressing you in loving gestures, peppering kisses on every inch of skin revealed until you’re just sitting there in your bra and underwear. He leaves those on, pushing you back on the bed until he’s on top of you again, his dick rubbing at your clothed pussy. 

“Can already feel how wet you are,” he says as you let out a breathy sound.

Indeed, your panties are sticking to your wetness, even more so as Jungkook rubs himself on you. You spread your legs as wide open as you can as you chase more sensations, more friction, but Jungkook doesn’t give in right away, instead returning to your lips for another languid kiss. Your fingers are on his back, nails slightly digging in his skin, and Jungkook just keeps grinding into you, working you into a tight, uncomfortable knot that refuses to let go.

Not when there’s still fabric between you and him.

“Jungkook,” you whimper against his mouth.

He pulls away to look at your face. His pink lips are wet, glistening in the light coming in from the window, and your gaze catches on the mole under his mouth.

“What’s wrong, baby?” Jungkook asks.

“I want you inside of me,” you reply as you wrap your legs around his waist as if that’ll push him in.

“Want me to ruin you in that pretty thong?” 

Indeed, you made sure to wear a nice lace set for him. Maybe that’s why he left the bra on.

“Please,” you beg.

He chuckles darkly, pecking your lips once. “Of course, baby. I got you.”

He kneels back between your legs, hands caressing your thighs a few times as he looks down at you, his eyes shining with untethered lust and passion for you. He glances down between your legs, one hand following to gently rub at your clit through the fabric, and you moan under his ministrations. He sucks in a breath at the sound, and then he pushes your panties to the side so he can directly touch you.

It’s so much sensation you almost close your legs, but he holds them open before grabbing his dick, stroking himself again as he watches your pussy. You whine, and he taps your clit, making you jerk against the bed in surprise, the sudden pain turning into burning pleasure.

“Oh, you like this,” he teases as if he didn’t already know.

He slaps your clit again, harder this time, and your eyes flutter close as you spread your legs open wider. And then, instead of using his hand, Jungkook taps his dick on you, before starting to rub himself between your folds, collecting your juices. It feels insanely good, and you fist the sheets, lifting your hips trying to get him to push in.

He doesn’t. He just keeps rubbing himself on you, your panties to the side, so much so you know your panties are ruined long before he finally decides to put you out of your misery, pushing his tip inside of you.

It stretches, burning slightly despite how wet you are, and you moan his name in a broken sound.

“Fuck, it’s been too long,” he says as he slowly pulls out before starting to push in again, gaining another inch this time. “Way too fucking long.”

He keeps that infernal push and pull up until he manages to fully seat himself in you, and then he finally bends down again, finding your mouth for a sloppy kiss. His tongue is between your lips, his dick inside of you, and you’ve never felt so at home before.

Jungkook’s dick twitches inside of you once as you tighten your walls, and he grunts, pulling away from the kiss.

“I’m going to fuck you so rough,” he says, and it’s the only warning you get before he starts jackhammering inside of you, soon leaning back and pushing your legs up to his chest as he keeps fucking you.

His balls slap on your ass as he spears you wide open, and your mind swims with pleasure as he kisses the side of your leg, teeth nipping at your skin. You say his name as you look at the way the muscles of his abdomen contract with the effort from fucking you. He says your name back, reverence coating every syllable, and your heart swells so much for him, right as the knot he’s been working you into gets ready to snap.

He must have sensed it. Because he pulls out, flips you on your stomach, pushes one of your legs up and then slips inside of you again, reaching so much deeper this time. You hide your face in the sheets as you mewl at the sensation, and he’s unforgiving, fucking you fast and deep, so rough he slowly pushes you up the bed. You hold onto the sheets as if that’ll save you, but nothing can, not when he’s fucking you like this.

You come before he does. The knot inside of you snaps so hard and so suddenly you lose your vision for a moment, everything going white. He slows down then, coaxing the orgasm out of you in slow swipes of his hips, milking it out for so long you think you might be trembling when it finally starts fading.

Jungkook bends down then, leaning with his elbows on each side of your head. You turn your head to the side to catch sight of him, and he finds your mouth, kissing you sweetly as he keeps up with the slower rhythm he established when you were coming. It’s dizzying, mindnumbing, and you doubt you’re still fully in your body as he slowly starts to pick up the pace, chasing his own climax.

You reach back, cupping his cheek, and then you say, “Please come for me.”

It works. The words make Jungkook pick up the same relentless pace as earlier, and he fucks you hard into the mattress, his balls slapping against your clit now. It feels so good you think you might come again, even as his motions grow sloppy until he grunts out your name, slamming to the hilt as he comes deep within you, his dick twitching and twitching with every spurt of cum he paints you with.

Jungkook leans his forehead on the side of your face as you just breathe in sync for a time, and he interlaces your fingers on the bed. His weight on you is so comforting you feel your eyes watering. You smile, wide, mind buzzing with the remnants of your orgasm.

“I missed you too,” you say.

He chuckles, pecking your cheek. “I know, baby. I know.”

His dick, now softened, slips out of you, and his cum spills out, staining the sheets under you. But Jungkook doesn’t move, keeps caging your body with his like he’s protecting you from the harsh reality of the world outside. And you don’t want to move either. Don’t want to end this moment with him, but the small eternity eventually passes, Jungkook getting up and pulling you with him. You’re wobbly on your feet, but he holds you up, wraps his arms around you in a soulcrushing hug that you return without hesitation.

And then he tugs you to the shower, where you end up having sex again. And then you’re in his bed, sheets off in the washing machine, talking about the months apart. You end up making love again so many times as the day passes that you doubt you’ll be able to walk tomorrow, but you’re catching up for the months apart, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

It’s much later that night, when the sheets are back on the bed and you’re lying in Jungkook’s embrace, looking at each other, that Jungkook says, “I know I said I’d be with you for tomorrow, but I have a quick thing to do in the afternoon.”

You scan his features, his slightly chapped lips from all the kissing. “What do you have to do?”

There’s a short silence as he just keeps on looking at you, and then he replies, “Just a quick something with the company.”

You nod, eyes fluttering shut as you nestle yourself closer in his embrace. “No worries. I’ll stay here while you go.”

He kisses the top of your head, his loose grip around your waist tightening to hold you impossibly closer. “Perfect.”

You smile as he pecks your head again, and you let his warmth guide you to a dreamless sleep that smells like him.

Tuesday, November 11th

Seoul is cold today, the warmth from yesterday having faded away so thoroughly it seems like winter's holding the world in its clutches. Jungkook hides his face from the wind in the lapels of the jacket you forced him to wear, smiling as he remembers how you used them to tug him into a kiss that almost convinced him to not go. And as another gush of wind bites at his features, he reckons he should have been convinced.

He knows he agreed to meet up with Sara last week when she called him crying and he picked up half asleep not realizing it was her. But he doesn’t want to see her, not when he fell for you so, so hard.

But then again, he’s going to pick up roses on the way back, and he’ll officially ask you to be his girlfriend. He wants the label, wants you to call him his boyfriend to everyone you know. He wants more than just the rumors about you and him that have slowly dwindled down over the months he spent away.

Hell, he wants to scream at the world that he’s in love with you. And he reckons some dirty, ugly part of himself just wants to rub it into Sara’s face after the way she’s treated him in the past.

Jungkook finally reaches the coffeeshop Sara asked to meet up at, and he walks in, the warmth a welcome reprieve from the world outside. He heads to the counter to order a hot cup of coffee, and he’s thankful that the person behind the register is an elderly woman. She just smiles at him with a nod of her head, clearly not recognizing him, and then she makes his cup of coffee, handing it to him.

He bows and thanks her before taking it, and then he looks around, wondering where Sara might be. The coffeeshop is tiny and completely empty, but then he spies a staircase in the corner, and he glances at the lady behind the counter.

“Is there someone upstairs?” he asks.

She nods. “A young lady arrived earlier and went upstairs,” she informs him.

He thanks the lady again, and then he heads in that direction, careful to not spill the hot liquid on himself. He climbs upstairs, indeed finding Sara sitting at a table overlooking the street.

Save for her, the floor is empty too, and Jungkook reckons her choice of meeting point was commendable. No one will know they were here together at all.

“Hey,” he says as he nears the table where she’s sat, and Sara startles, looking at him.

The dark circles around her eyes are witnesses to what she’s been going through, and Jungkook stops her from getting up when she tries to.

“No need,” he says, putting his cup of coffee on the table before sitting across from her.

“I didn’t think you would actually come,” she says, her voice wavery like she’s about to cry.

He reckons his would too, if he were to be diagnosed with cancer.

“I said I would.”

She nods weakly, looking down at the smoothie in front of her, clearly sensing that he is closed off.

“Well, thank you,” she says.

He nods curtly, glancing at the steam wafting out of his cup of coffee, his gaze then trailing outside to see some snowflakes fluttering about.

“I just wanted…” she starts, falling silent. “To catch up, you know?”

He wets his lips, sighing as he looks at her again. “Like I said over the phone, I have someone in my life now,” he says. “I don’t really want to catch up.”

She doesn’t say anything for a few seconds, just staring at him unblinkingly. “Why are you here, then?”

Because you might be dying, Jungkook thinks, but he can’t bring himself to say it aloud.

“You said you wanted to apologize,” he reminds her instead, because she did mention that over the phone.

Her jaw clenches, a muscle ticking under the skin. “Can’t we catch up first?”

“I don’t really have much to say to you, Sara.”

Her eyebrows almost touch over her eyes as she frowns. “Aren’t you touring? Surely, you must have stories to tell about that.”

He widens his gaze, surprised at her audacity. “Sara, I told you I have someone in my life. She’s the one I want to tell my stories to, not you.”

It hurts her. The frown falls, replaced by a silver line slowly growing in her eyes. She blinks the tears away, looking out the window with a small, hurt chuckle.

“She’s that writer, isn’t she?”

So, Sara must have seen the rumors about you, then. 

Jungkook nods. “Not that it’s any of your business, but yes.”

“You know, Seojoon broke up with me because he said I’m still in love with you,” Sara casually says, and Jungkook hates the way his heart strains in his chest like a reflex.

He didn’t even know Seojoon had broken up with her.

“I’m sorry,” he lets out, and he’s relieved he sounds a little bit genuine. 

Because frankly, he doesn’t care that she still loves him. He hardly thinks it’s true. 

She’s too good of a manipulator for it to be true.

“It’s…” she trails off, shrugging her shoulders. “It’s whatever.”

Jungkook purses his lips, but doesn’t find words to say in return. So he busies himself with taking a sip of his coffee, and it’s so hot it almost burns the skin off his tongue. He puts the cup back down, figuring he’s going to have to wait before drinking.

“Honestly, Jungkook, I really wished we could catch up like old times.”

He shuts his eyes at the sadness laced with her words. It’s so potent he almost tastes it on his tongue despite the burn left behind by the coffee.

“I get that,” he says, looking at her. “But what we had was extremely toxic. I don’t want to bring that back into my life.”

“So you’re calling me toxic?” she says.

He cocks an eyebrow. “You have to be aware that our relationship was toxic, Sara. I’m not saying you were.” Even though she definitely was. “I think it’s better left in the past.”

She takes a deep breath, and then draws a sip from the straw in her smoothie. It takes her a moment to speak again, but then she says, “Okay, then. It was toxic. I guess this whole…” she motions at herself, “thing has really just put things in perspective for me.”

Jungkook meets her gaze, but remains silent as he waits for her to keep going.

“I’m sorry, Jungkook.” She sighs. “I’m sorry for everything I put you through.”

He clenches his jaw, not expecting the words to hurt as much as they do. He thought it’d be liberating to hear it, but it just tastes bitter.

“But you also weren’t perfect,” she adds, and it explains the bitterness behind the words.

Because with Sara, nothing ever means what it’s supposed to mean. She always has an ulterior motive, and Jungkook really doesn’t understand why he agreed to meet up. As he sits in front of her, he realizes that he’s been over her for months now, and he likes it as it is.

Likes that she’s just a memory from the past. He’s sad she’s sick, that’s for sure, but he doesn’t want to walk down memory lane when it comes to her. 

“Alright Sara,” he says. “Anything else you want to say before I leave?”

“You’re not drinking the coffee?” she asks, her eyes round with fear. 

Jungkook glances at the cup, and it looks just as hot as it was earlier. “I’m not sure it was a good idea for us to meet up.”

She starts crying. And he doesn’t know how to react, the good part of him wanting to comfort her, but the more rational one remembering that she uses tears as a weapon all the time.

“I might die, JK,” she says. “I’m scared.”

He shuts his eyes again, because what the fuck is he supposed to say to that?

“You’ve been doing treatments, no?” he asks when he opens his eyes again.

She chuckles, but it’s entirely void of joy. And then she takes off the wig she’s wearing, throwing it on the table. “Yeah.”

Jungkook stares at the wig for a few seconds before looking up at her. She looks so sad like this, so vulnerable, that the good part of him wins.

“You still look good,” he reassures her.

“Thank you for acknowledging that a woman does not need hair to be attractive,” she says, using his compliment as an attack, as always.

He tilts his head to the side, raising his eyebrows like ‘Really?’.

“No, seriously,” she adds, and she wipes at her cheeks. “It’s something I keep telling myself every time I look at myself in the mirror.” She gulps and it’s loud enough for him to hear. “I don’t recognize myself anymore. Even with the wig on.”

“I’m sorry,” he lets out, voice barely above a whisper.

She shrugs. “It’s okay. I’ll kick cancer’s ass and grow my hair back.”

“You will.”

She smiles, so sad he looks outside again to see it doesn’t seem to be snowing anymore. “Thank you,” she lets out. And then she adds, with no regard to him, “And I’m really sorry for taking you for granted all these years. I thought I’d always have you by my side.”

He clenches his jaw, sucking on his piercings hard enough to hurt. “It is what it is,” he says after a few beats of silence. “I couldn’t keep being treated like that forever.”

She nods. “Fair. I really do apologize for everything, Jungkook.”

He meets her gaze, gives her a nod. “Thank you.”

He hears the clear scuffle of steps in the staircase, and his heart stops for a second at the thought of being seen with her. But then Heryung appears at the top of the stairs, and relief washes through him.

Only to be replaced by a wave of sick dread as she takes in the sight of him, gaze widening.

“What are you doing here?” she asks as Hoseok appears behind her.

Jungkook just looks between Heryung and Hoseok a few times before glancing at Sara. She’s looking down at the table like she’s guilty, and he realizes she planned this.

She wanted them to get caught. To be seen together. And for that reason and that reason only, Jungkook gets up from the table, his anger so sudden and potent he figures it best to leave and not say hurtful things to her.

“Nothing,” Jungkook says, and he walks away, not even glancing back. 

He’s glad he didn’t take his coat off, so he doesn’t have to awkwardly put it back on before storming away. But despite trying to get away before something more can happen, Hoseok steps in his path, forcing him to stop.

“Does Y/n know you’re here?”

Jungkook frowns. “Hobi, let me leave.”

“I thought you were really into Y/n,” Hoseok adds despite the warning in Jungkook’s tone.

“I am, and I’m going back to her right now, alright?”

Hoseok frowns, but remains silent, stepping aside to let him pass. Jungkook doesn’t wait a second longer, and he quickly runs down the stairs before returning to the cold world outside.

He really shouldn’t have come.

*****

Jungkook’s been silent ever since he came back from the company. You think it might be because he had to call the police before being able to get into the house. You were napping, and so you didn’t hear, but he apparently caught two girls trying to come in when he arrived.

When are people going to get tired of this? It doesn’t make sense to you. As if Jungkook would be happy to see them walk into his house…

He called them sasaengs, but you think it’s more than that. It’s a clinical level of delusion that would need severe therapy and most likely meds to heal from. Because who in their right mind believes breaking into someone’s house will make them like you?

He made dinner when he came home, busying himself in the kitchen for nearly half an hour. You tried to engage in conversation, but he looked so out of it you ended up leaving him alone, though you did the dishes every time he was done with something, if only to keep yourself occupied.

Over dinner, he told you that the meeting at the company was a waste of time, and that he wishes he’d stayed home with you instead. You smiled, telling him you wish he stayed too, and he only then seemed to start relaxing. He still hasn’t been talkative, even as he made love to you on the couch in the living room, while a movie you did not bring yourself to care about played in the background. You then took a shower, made love again in his bed, and then went downstairs for a snack, which you ended up eating in the living room, with yet another movie playing in the background. 

And Jungkook is now lying with his head on your chest, soft snores coming out of him at regular intervals while you scroll on your phone. 

You receive a text message from Heryung, and you click on it, expecting her to update you about what you’ll do this weekend, as she suggested hanging out while she’s here.

To your surprise, her message is in fact not about meeting up at all, and you frown as you read.

[11:23 pm] Heryung: is everything okay with jk? [11:23 pm] You: yes? [11:24 pm] You: there were people at his house earlier but the police scared them off [11:25 pm] Heryung: he just seemed rattled when we saw him earlier with sara

You stare at your phone, ice filling every inch of your body. 

Jungkook was with Sara earlier?

[11:25 pm] You: wdym with sara

It takes a moment for Heryung to reply, and your heart is beating so incredibly fast by the time her message comes in that you feel dizzy.

[11:29 pm] Heryung: he was talking with her at a coffee shop earlier? [11:30 pm] Heryung: didn’t he tell you?

No, he, as a matter of fact, did not tell you. In truth, he lied to you.

Jungkook fucking lied to you.

“Jungkook,” you let out as you put your phone down, trying to rouse him from his sleep. You push on him, and he grunts as his grip around you tightens. “Jungkook,” you repeat, your tone firmer this time.

“Mmh?” he hums.

“Jungkook, get the fuck up.”

The urgency in your tone must have woken him right up, because he sits up, throwing you a confused glance as he runs a hand through his hair, leaving it dishevelled.

“What?”

You’re disgusted, looking at him then. Because if he lied to you so easily about seeing Sara, didn’t he lie about the rest, too?

“What were you doing with your ex this afternoon?”

Your question does wake him right up. His gaze widens, fear filling the depth of his eyes, and he looks around for his phone, not finding it as it’s currently on the counter in the kitchen, where he left it to charge earlier.

“It was nothing,” he says, and then he must sense it sounds bad, because he adds, “I promise.”

“You said you were at the company.”

He doesn’t say anything for a while, and you get up from the couch, heading to the kitchen. He follows behind you, trying to grab your arm, but you shake out of his grip.

“Don’t touch me right now.”

You would rather jump off a bridge than be touched by him right now.

“Sorry,” he says. “Y/n, she has cancer and she just wanted to talk.”

You laugh, a bitter taste coating your entire mouth. Because what the fuck do you mean he came home and made love to you twice without saying anything? No wonder he was so silent when he arrived.

“I don’t care,” you reply as you find your purse.

You’re wearing Jungkook’s sweater right now, the one he gave you last August, the one you were wearing when you got here. Which is a relief – you don’t have enough energy to go upstairs to grab your stuff right now.

You want out, and right now.

“She wanted to apologize,” he adds. “It really was nothing, and I shouldn’t have gone.”

You laugh again, shaking your head as you glance at him. “I really don’t care.”

You walk around him, heading towards the front door.

“Will you stop for a second so I can explain?” he says behind you.

You spin around, and he’s so close he almost bumps into you. You raise a finger, pointing at him accusingly. “You should have explained before going.”

“Well, with your reaction, I’m sure you would not have understood.”

The audacity of this man… 

You spin on your heels again, heading towards the front door. Good thing you’re wearing sweatpants, and not the silky PJ shorts you brought in your duffel bag.

“Y/n, stop, I did not mean that,” he says behind you as you’re halfway through the living room, heading to the hall that leads to the front door. “She was shitty, like she always is, and I honestly just want to pretend it never happened.”

“Why the fuck did you go see her, then?” you ask.

“She has cancer,” he repeats. “She called crying and said she needed to talk to someone, and that she wanted to apologize.”

“It’s unfortunate for her that she’s sick, it really is,” you say, and you mean it. “But if you think that that’s the biggest problem, then I don’t have anything to do here anymore.”

“What’s the problem?” he asks, which only makes you laugh bitterly again.

A look over your shoulder tells you the laugh hurt him. He looks like you’ve slapped him across the face, and you really need to get out of this house before you actually do it.

“You lied, Jungkook. You lied like it was nothing.”

“I just didn’t want to make a big deal out of this,” he says, and his voice shakes like he’s about to cry. “I didn’t even want to see her.”

You turn around. He’s further away this time, having stopped at the start of the hall, of which you’re already almost all the way down.

“But you still went, and you lied about it,” you say. “You really believe I’ll trust a single word you say after that?”

He closes his eyes, cards his hand through his hair again. “Y/n, don’t blow this out of proportion, please. Let’s talk it out.”

“I do not want to talk it out with you,” you spit. “I don’t entertain cheaters.”

You resume your walk to the door, kicking off the slippers he got for you to put your shoes on instead.

“It’s freezing outside, surely you’re not going to walk home.”

You look over your shoulder. “I think I might punch you if you stop me.”

“Your things are upstairs,” he points out, and there’s terror in his voice. It’s shaking at the edges, and you reckon he seems to be shaking, too.

“Give them to Mingyu, he’ll bring them to me.”

You turn to grab the door knob. 

“Y/n, stop,” Jungkook insists again. “I’m not a cheater. I didn’t cheat, we just talked.”

“But lying about it is emotional cheating,” you throw at him, the accusing finger back on display. “You lied like it was nothing, and you probably wouldn’t have said anything about it if I didn’t find out on my own.”

“Heryung told you?”

“It doesn’t matter who told me, Jungkook. I’m going home.”

“Stop!” he yells as you turn the door knob, only to find it locked. “Please stop. I’m in love with you, you can’t just leave like that.”

His words take your heart out of your chest, throw it on the floor only to stomp on it repeatedly until it’s a disgusting mess of jam. 

“You should have thought about that before lying,” you say, your voice lower this time, and you unlock the door before looking at him one last time. “You really should have thought about it before lying.”

“Y/n, please,” he says, his voice breaking as tears roll on his cheeks. 

It gathers tears in your eyes, too, so you turn around, stepping out into the cold November night. The door closes behind you, sounding like the final nail in a coffin, and you feel like you’ve been dipped in acid. Your entire body hurts with the betrayal and heartbreak, and you angrily blink the tears away, refusing to cry for Jungkook.

Not after he lied to you like this. 

The street is empty, save for the moon up in the sky, and you walk down towards the boulevard, looking over your shoulder  at Jungkook’s house, expecting him to come running out after you, but the door remains shut.

It hurts so bad you turn left, needing to be home as quick as possible before you collapse. Because you will. You know you will – the tears are an impending doom of the collapse that awaits you the second the heartbreak really does fully settle in. So you turn left, heading towards the alley you walked down with Jungkook once, the moon thankfully guiding your path.

And as you walk, you can’t help but doubt everything Jungkook ever told you. It turns the memories from Jeju into a rotten mess, and you clench your teeth so hard it hurts.

I’m in love with you.

Hours ago, those words would have been the most beautiful revelation in this world, but now they just burn and ache and break, and you wish he had kept it to himself instead of putting that weight on your shoulders.

Because why the fuck did he lie to you if he is truly in love with you? To see his ex out of all things…

You reach the alley that cuts through the neighbourhood. It’s dark, like it always is but even more so at night, and you can almost hear Jungkook’s voice telling you it’s not safe. But his voice is the last thing you want to hear, so you ignore it, turning into the alley. You don’t slow down as it grows darker – there isn’t really any light but the light of the moon that’s following you home up in the sky, but even then the full moon barely reaches the ground here.

It’s creepy. Even during the day, this alley has always been creepy to you, and you feel adrenaline slowly surging into your bloodstream, inconveniently erasing the anger you’ve been feeling at Jungkook’s words. Instead, it’s replaced by the primal fear of being looked at right now, and you look over your shoulder.

There’s no one behind you, yet you accelerate, wanting to be out of the alley as soon as you possibly can. Your throat dries out, your heart picking up its pace in your chest, and you hear it hammering inside your ribcage as you reach the bend in the alley.

Your heart almost stops entirely as two girls are standing just right there, and you stop in your tracks right before bumping into one of them. They eye you up and down, exchanging a look that makes cold sweat break out on every inch of your skin, and you immediately open your purse, trying to reach for your phone.

“Sorry,” you tell the girls as you try to pass between them, but one of them steps right in front of you.

You look at her, cocking an eyebrow, hand still fumbling in your purse for your phone. You can feel your Airpod case, your keys and your lip stain, but your phone isn’t there.

Why is your phone not there?

“Are you Jungkook’s girlfriend?” the girl that stepped in front of you says.

Your gaze widens, and you let out a small laugh. “Excuse me?”

“Our friend says you just left his house.”

A ball of lead is forming at the bottom of your stomach, and it grows so heavy you feel like you can’t breathe right.

“Do I know you?” you ask, and you give up your search for your phone – it’s still on Jungkook’s couch, after all – holding onto your purse like it might be a weapon instead.

It feels silly, but the way the girls are looking at you makes the hair rise all over your body, and you just want to get out.

The girl to your left laughs, pushing up the wall against which she was leaning. She’s smoking a cigarette – the smell of it is clouding the air surrounding you – and she throws it on the floor, stepping on it with the heel of a boot.

She doesn’t look much older than twenty. The one in front of you seems older, and she has a predatory gleam in her eyes that makes you take a step back.

“Don’t be afraid,” she says, and just like that, you know that you have to be very, very afraid.

“I’m just trying to go home,” you say, voice shaking slightly, and you turn on your heel, heading back the way you came from.

You make it three steps after the bend in the alley before you notice a man and another woman coming your way. 

“We finally got her,” the man says in Korean, and you glance over your shoulder to see the two girls have followed you.

“She’s scared,” the first girl lets out.

They laugh. They all laugh, and you’re hit with the realization that they have to be some of the sasaengs that keep trying to get into Jungkook's house.

“Who are you?” you ask.

“And she speaks English? Not surprised he’s fucking ditching us for a foreign girl.”

You gulp as the four of them walk closer to you. There’s no way out – the walls are way too high on each side for you to dream of climbing them, and you know they won’t let you pass even if you ask. There’s something in the way they’re eyeing you that makes you feel like a mouse in the talons of an eagle, and you raise your hands.

“Hey, I’m not looking for any trouble,” you say.

You can’t even call the police. There’s nothing you can do, and you look behind the man and woman in front of you, hoping to see someone else coming your way.  Maybe Jungkook, finally running out after you. But it’s late, and it’s a residential neighbourhood, and you really shouldn’t have come in here at this hour.

“Leave me alone.” You’d hoped to sound threatening, but it only makes the guy laugh, and then everything happens all at once.

You make to scream, but the girl behind you wraps her hand on your mouth, pulling you back and making you stumble. The man is on you in an instant, and his fist collides on the side of your face so hard you see stars, your knees giving out under you. You drop your purse, and you try to raise a hand only for the girl to pull your arm in your back.

“We should film this,” one of the other girls says. “That’s going to teach him that he shouldn’t just date any fucking slut.”

You bite. It’s all you can think to do in the panic and grogginess that are battling inside your mind, and she lets you go long enough that you can scream.

One shrill sound that echoes on the walls of the alley, but that dies the second the man punches you in the stomach. The air goes out of your lungs as you fold in two, and you swear you heard something crack. But you don’t have time to think.

You’re thrown on the ground, and then they’re kicking at you. All you can think to do is protect your head, and tears roll on your cheeks as you let out muffled yelps of pain. You don’t know how long it is before someone’s pulling your head back by your hair, forcing you up in a sitting position. You try to get their hand off your hair, weakly punching at the air above you, but they’re laughing at you.

They’re all laughing at you, and you’re crying. You’ve been crying, and all you manage to do is grab ahold of the fingers in your hair. Your scalp is burning from how hard they’re pulling on it, but you immediately stop moving when you feel something cold on your throat.

“She deserves to fucking die.”

It’s the guy speaking, and you open your eyes to see him bending down in front of you. He’s got a knife in his hand, and the tip of it is pressing on your throat.

You’re going to die. You are going to die, and all you can think to do is say, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

It must have enabled him. Because he laughs, slapping you. “You’re not.”

“Okay, I think it’s enough,” one of the girls says, panic in her voice. 

You look up to see the youngest one looking down at you, and the last member of their group is holding onto her arm. “Just let him do what we paid him to do,” the one holding her says.

“We said we’d scare her.”

“She pissed herself, we got her pretty good.”

It occurs to you that you might have. That you’re too dizzy and terrified to compute that your pants are indeed wet, and that something warm is also running down your temple.

“She’s even bleeding,” the man says, and he brushes his fingers on the side of your face.

You’re shaking. You’re shaking like a leaf in the wind and all you want to do is fall asleep and never wake up.

This has to be a nightmare. But everything is hurting, and you’re keenly aware that it isn’t a nightmare. Suddenly, he pressure on your scalp suddenly disappears, and you fall on the ground again, rolling into a fetal position.

You hear screams. You hear screams and something sharp digs in your side twice before they’re running away, and you’re sobbing. You’re sobbing and your hand is red when you touch your side.

You’re bleeding.

Why the fuck did you leave your phone at Jungkook’s place?

They’re gone. They left, and you’re bleeding. 

Did they run because he stabbed you? 

You take a deep breath, and it hurts so much you choke.

You choke, but hands find your shoulders and pull you up. You cry in pain, shielding your face, but it’s a familiar voice this time.

“Y/n.”

You sob and choke and shake.

“Y/n, look at me.”

You can’t. Everything hurts.

“Please.” His voice breaks. “Y/n, holy fucking shit.”

He gently rests you down on the floor, and then he’s speaking quick Korean on the phone.

“Stay with me,” he tells you a few seconds later, but it also feels like an eternity later.

Time is moving slow and quick, all at once.

“Jungkook,” you choke out. You’re lying on your back, and his doe eyes are so wide you see white all around his irises. “What are you doing here?”

“I called the police,” he says, and you think he’s crying, like he was crying at his house. “Just stay with me.”

He has his hand on your side now. You don’t even know when he put it there, when yours fell away from the wounds.

“But what about Sara?”

You don’t know why you think of her right now. Why you become so tired at the same time, like you’ve just run four marathons back to back.

“Stay with me.” 

Jungkook is pretty. You’ve always been aware of it, but with the moon creating a halo behind his head, he looks like an angel. You raise your hand, and you touch his cheek. It stains red, and your hand falls back on the ground. You don’t even feel it hit the concrete.

You see home. Your home country, your family. Growing up with your siblings. You see a night sky over the sea in Jeju, words whispered against your skin. You’re so tired, and you can’t hold on much longer.

“Hey, hey, look at me,” Jungkook says.

You don’t know when you closed your eyes, but they flutter open at the sound of his voice. He smiles at you, and tears run down his cheeks. You want to tell him you’re okay, you’re not mad anymore, but no sound comes out when your mouth opens.

You pass out on your next exhale.

*****

Jungkook sees the moment the light goes out in your eyes. Sees the moment you lose consciousness, and alarms ring so loud in the distance that he startles. He says your name, over and over again, but you don’t come back. Blood still spills from the wounds on your side, and he can’t even tell if you’re alive anymore.

He should have never gone to see Sara. Fucking hell,

He’d kill her right now, but her cancer might just take care of that for him.

“Y/n, please come back to me,” he cries as he gently pats your cheek, only to leave blood on it.

He didn’t even realize his two hands were covered in blood.

“Fuck, Y/n.” He’s been crying, but your lack of response makes him break, and he shatters like glass hit by a baseball bat.

You’re dying. Hell, you might be dead. If he had run out after you faster, he would have been able to protect you. Would have told you to come back so you can talk. Would have convinced you somehow, even though you seemed so disgusted with him before you left.

He doesn’t quite know when the paramedics reach your side. When they pull him away from you, and he resists, refusing to let you out of his sight. He’s screaming, panicking. He might even have punched someone. But he can’t see you anymore, and there’s an animalistic fear in him at the thought that this might be the last time he ever sees you.

“I need you to calm down,” a police officer says, breaking through his panic. “Just calm down.”

“Let me stay with her.” Jungkook cries, and the police officer pulls him in a hug. 

“We’ll drive you to the hospital.”

“No.” Jungkook pushes him away. “Where is she?”

“They’re going to take her to the hospital.”

“I want to be with her,” Jungkook says, and he’s almost screaming.

A lot of people are watching him – paramedics, police officers, there are even people looking through the windows of their houses where lights have been turned on since he found you lying in a pool of your own blood.

“Let him come,” one of the paramedics says.

Jungkook almost falls in her arms, and she leads him to the ambulance. You’re lying there, and you’re so pale, and Jungkook just stares at you.

Your heart is beating. At least that’s what they say, and Jungkook can’t even fucking blink.

Everything passes in a blur. The ambulance ride. The hospital, with its white walls and pale blue floors. There are neon lights, and then a doctor calmly tells Jungkook that he has to let go of your hand. He can’t – your fingers are cold under his touch, and he’ll punch whoever tries to take you away from him.

“He’s under shock,” someone is saying.

“He might need calming meds.”

“Please, sir,” the doctor says. “We’ll bring her right back to you.”

Dead or alive.

Dead, or fucking alive?

They manage to get him to let go of you.

Jungkook watches them as they push your stretcher away, and then you disappear behind double doors.

And he dies with you.

Prev | Next

☆☆☆☆☆

........ yeah huh. my most sincere apologies. you're free to scream at me, i deserve it

☆☆☆☆☆

Sunday, October 26th

Jungkook is tired. Exhausted, even, and he wishes they didn’t have concerts back to back like they’ve had the last few weekends.

Three concerts one after the other is too much, he reckons. But at least, the streak is done, and they have until next Thursday before the next concert, though they’ll have to travel to a whole other country for that one.

To be fair, Vancouver isn’t too far from Seattle, but still.

Jungkook looks towards Taehyung, who’s typing away on his phone while the other members are slowly taking off the tour outfits to put on their regular clothes again. Taehyung’s smiling, most likely texting Jennie, and Jungkook wonders if you’re busy right now. It’s a little past 11 pm here, which means it should be…

His brain fails to do the maths, and Jungkook pulls his phone out to go look at the international clocks. It should be 4 pm in Seoul, according to the app, which means you’re probably in the meeting for the publishing of your book. Indeed, it’ll be out in two weeks, with a book release at midnight in Seoul, where Jennie, Mingyu, Lisa and probably even Rosé will be in attendance.

You said your agent believed it to be the best way to promote the book, and to have all eyes on it right from the start. Jungkook agrees that it’s a good idea, and he wishes he could be there to support you…

But he’ll be getting ready for a concert in the evening in yet another city. Actually, he’ll probably still be asleep then, considering the time difference.

He’s been missing you a lot. Despite frequent FaceTime calls and almost constant texting, when you’re awake, he feels like he left his heart in your hands that Sunday in August when they first had to leave for the South American leg of the tour. They visited multiple countries there, performing in Sao Paulo, Lima, Buenos Aires, Bogota and even Santiago. Each stop had more than one concert, and then they headed up to Mexico City before starting with a few shows in New York.

And now Seattle, and soon Vancouver. And after that, they’ll be going back down the West Coast. 

Jungkook sighs, exhaustion swiftly pushing through him. He feels a little dizzy, and so he sits down, heading to his text messages with you.

[7:07 pm] You: good luck for the concert tonight [7:08 pm] You: you’re gonna fuck shit up

Your messages made him smile earlier, and they still do as he rereads, imagining you saying it out loud with that twinkle in your eyes he’s been chasing in the night sky whenever the sun is down. 

He hasn’t looked at the stars the same since the trip to Jeju. They remind him of you, and he’s taken a liking to stargazing each night, even though the city lights rarely let him see the stars like he saw them with you. They were infinite that night, with the Milky Way striking across the sky. 

He doesn’t even know if he’ll be able to see anything tonight. It was cloudy earlier, before they got to the arena, but the clouds were supposed to scatter around midnight…

Hopefully.

[11:13 pm] Jungkook: it was a good concert but oof i’m glad we’re done with seattle

He presses send, watching the message deliver on your message thread. He doubts you’ll reply right away, so he shoves his phone in the pocket of his pants, yawning as he glances around to see that they’re almost all ready to go.

Everyone is in different levels of exhaustion, it seems, with only Jimin brimming with energy as he had the brilliant idea to chug an energy drink before the encore. He’s currently yapping to Hoseok about something Jungkook doesn’t care to listen to, and Hoseok is replying with short one-worded answers, though it doesn’t deter Jimin.

Nothing ever really does. Jungkook envies that of his friend – talking has always been easy for Jimin, whereas Jungkook’s always been a little more on the introverted side. It almost cost him you at the beginning of your relationship, after all.

He blushes. Relationship is a big word. You’ve never really put a label on what it is between you and him, but Jungkook likes to tell himself that you’re his girlfriend. All the members act as if you are, too, so it’s been easy for him.

He wonders if you see him as your boyfriend. Or if the distance keeps you from imagining him as such. It hurts, his heart straining in his chest, and he wishes he could be by your side, if only for a few hours.

He’d ask you to be his girlfriend instead of just assuming you are. He’s thought about doing it over FaceTime, but it feels way too lame compared to the intensity of what he feels for you. And despite the distance, his feelings for you have just kept on growing since the end of August, only strengthening with every day that passes.

He believes you feel the same, if only because you always struggle with hanging up every time you FaceTime, telling him you need to see him for just a little longer. He never minds it, even though it steals some precious minutes of rest from him.

Who needs sleep when he can spend time with you instead?

“Let’s go,” Namjoon says to no one in particular, though Jungkook knows his words are aimed at the group of them. 

Indeed, they all file out of the dressing room, heading to the two cars that’ll drive them back to the hotel. Jungkook climbs into the one with Namjoon, Yoongi and Jimin, the two latter deciding to go grab a beer at a local bar while Namjoon peers down at his phone in his hands.

He’s been talking with his ex these last few days, the one he was with during the summer. They didn’t last long, but it seems the feelings lingered on her side, because she reached out to him first. She was the one to end things, though, so Jungkook feels wary for his friend, but he hasn’t said anything.

With his history with Sara, it would probably be out of place for him to say anything. Because he never listened to Namjoon’s advice, no matter how many times Namjoon told him to break up with Sara and block her so that she doesn’t come back.

He still hasn’t blocked her, though he hasn’t replied to any of the messages she’s sent over the last few months. She doesn’t deserve his attention anymore, or at least he likes to tell himself that.

He’s too busy thinking about you anyway. Talking to you, too. There’s no room for Sara in his life when he’s with you.

The car reaches the hotel, parking out front. There are fans waiting outside, and Jungkook shuts his eyes in annoyance, though he knows it’s not as bad as those that come to his house.

There were two break-in attempts this last month, though the police was quick to intervene. Both people ended up doing some jail time, and they have yet to show up on the cameras again.

Hell, one of them was even deported to another country with a stain on their passport that blocks them from ever returning to South Korea.

Jungkook shakes the thoughts away – they’re too heavy, and he doesn’t have the energy for that right now. Instead, he waits for the manager to give them the go to exit the car, and he plasters a smile on his lips when he finally does get out, waving at the fans.

They scream at the sight of him and the other members, and Jungkook could kiss Taehyung on the forehead when he shushes them with a finger on his mouth. They all instantly fall silent, which makes Jimin snort and say, “Damn, they’re well-trained.”

Hopefully, none of the fans speak Korean, because there’s a sarcastic lilt to Jimin’s words. One that doesn’t go unnoticed by the rest of the members, including Jungkook, and they all chuckle before heading in, wishing the fans good night.

Before he gets in, Jungkook makes sure to look up – there’s a break in the clouds, and he sees a lone star shining up above in all its beauty. He reckons it might be Jupiter, but he’ll have to make sure with his starmap app later.

For now, he focuses on heading to his hotel room to take a shower as he waits for you to get out of your meeting so that you can FaceTime before he goes to bed. It’s well past midnight when you finally text him to call, and he’s already half asleep in bed when he presses on the icon at the top of the conversation, the front camera turning on to reveal the dark circles under his eyes along with his tousled hair.

He looks even more exhausted than he feels, and he winces at the sight, trying to fix his hair quickly as the call connects.

“Hey,” you greet him the second you come into view.

You’re sitting at a coffeeshop from the looks of it, having clearly called the second you left the library where the book release will be. You’re sipping an iced americano, and you look so beautiful Jungkook thinks he might burst out crying.

Do you miss him as much as he misses you?

“Hey,” he echoes, wetting his lip. “How did the meeting go?”

You smile, glancing to the side as someone walks past you with a tray in hand. “It went really well. They’ll be able to sell alcohol.”

You’d been worried about that, as you claimed it’s one of the most fun parts of midnight releases. Especially with the crowd that’s expected since a bunch of celebrities will be in attendance.

“That’s amazing,” Jungkook says. “You must be relieved.”

You nod, your eyebrows raising over your eyes. “You have no clue. But what about you, how was the concert?”

“Same old,” Jungkook replies with a chuckle. “At this point, I think I could do the concert asleep.”

You laugh, the crystalline sound carrying so well through the phone Jungkook feels like you’re right here with him for a few seconds. His heart reaches for you, thinking it’ll find you… only to be met with a void that sounds like you.

He didn’t even know it was physically possible to miss someone this much.

“You probably could,” you agree, and then your features grow more serious. “You actually look exhausted.”

He sighs, rolling on his back as he holds the phone over his face. “Yeah, I am.” You look sad at his words, and he quickly adds, “But we have four days off until the next concert, so I’ll be able to rest a bunch.”

“Good.” You nod, as if to put emphasis on your word. “Really good. They shouldn’t overwork you guys like this.”

Jungkook chuckles. “Honestly, most of the time, it isn’t too bad. I’ve just been having trouble sleeping at this hotel, and it was three days of concerts straight.”

“Inhumane!” you let out, which only makes him laugh again.

“I’ll make sure you’re on the tour planning committee next time so we can avoid this.”

You smile. It’s infinitely soft, and Jungkook wishes he could reach through the screen to trace the curve of your lips with a finger. 

“I’ll make sure all concerts are in Seoul,” you say with a nod. “Or wherever I’ll be in the world by then.”

“Here, probably.”

You snort. “I did not grow up in the West.” You tilt your head to the side, growing pensive. “I could probably easily follow if it was all in the US, though…”

That’s something Jungkook realized weeks ago, one night he couldn’t sleep and he just ended up staring at the ceiling. As a writer, you’re not confined to one country to be able to work. You could write from anywhere in the world. If it weren’t for the fact you’re releasing your book in Seoul and have to do some promotion for it there, he would have suggested that you join on part of the tour.

But it feels like a lot to ask. Even Minha got too tired and decided to go back to Korea for a few weeks before coming back some time in November. At least that was the plan the last time he talked to Seokjin about it, and Jungkook genuinely hopes she’ll come back.

Seokjin has been a grumpy pain in the ass since she left.

“You could,” Jungkook says as he pulls on his piercings. “And then you could be in Seoul with me when the tour finishes.”

“That’d be amazing.”

Jungkook agrees. To be with you, back home… with nowhere to go and nothing to do. He’d take his damn time with you.

The thought immediately sends a bolt of lust down his spine, and it shoots forward to his dick.

“I miss you,” he says. He wets his lips, shuts his eyes for a few seconds to keep the arousal at bay – you’re in public after all. “I wish I could be with you right now.”

“Oh, Jungkook,” you let out, and he opens his eyes to see a pout on your lips, your gaze growing sad, heavier. “I miss you too.”

“Just want to kiss you.” Jungkook sighs, and he rolls on his side. “Really fucking wanna kiss you, actually.”

Your cheeks dust with pink. “Is that all you want to do?”

The question makes his heartbeat skyrockets, and Jungkook shuts his eyes with a small chuckle. “Don’t do this to me.”

You laugh, mischief in every word you say next, so low he barely hears them. “I really wanna be able to touch you.”

“Yeah?” he lets out as his dick hardens at your words.

You look around, bringing the phone closer to yourself. “Kinda want to ride you, too.”

Fuck.

He can picture it. You on top of him, your breasts bouncing as he jackhammers his hips into yours, the way you scream his name when you come…

You nod your head. “It’d be better than your hand, no?”

You’re insanity personified. Or maybe that’s him. Slowly going insane for a woman on the other side of the world.

He says your name like a warning. “People are going to hear you.”

You laugh, shrugging your shoulders. “Alright then, I’ll stop.”

“Are you far from home?” Jungkook asks, his hand going down his body as he tries to readjust himself in his boxers.

“Why?” you ask innocently.

“You know exactly why.” His voice is low, husky, and he wonders if you can hear the urgency in his tone.

He needs you so bad. Misses you even more and he is truly, fully, going insane with every moment spent away from you.

“Well, I’m meeting with Mingyu soon.”

It’s like someone threw a bucket of cold water at him, and the arousal slips out of Jungkook as if it was never there to begin with.

You’re friends with Mingyu. Obviously a lot closer to Jennie, but you’ve been hanging out with Mingyu lately, hitting the gym with him and Jennie whenever she can. But it hasn’t been too often lately, because she’s been out of the city to film a movie that’ll release next year.

And Jungkook loves Mingyu. They’re best friends after all. But Mingyu is attractive, and a flirt, and has mentioned he finds you attractive before, and…

Jungkook stops the train of thoughts before it can spiral any further.

“Gym sesh?” he asks.

You nod. “And then dinner with Hyunseok and his boyfriend.”

The jealousy dissipates at the knowledge you won’t spend too long with Mingyu, but Jungkook still wishes it could be him instead.

You’ve never worked out together before despite the multiple times you hung out at his house. The only time you ever were in his gym together is that night he ended up fingering you before you ran away.

“Where are you guys going?” he asks.

“The restaurant you recommended in Seongsu.”

You say the words with sadness etched around your eyes. Jungkook frowns at the sight, wishing he could take you in his arms.

“You okay?”

“I wish we were going together,” you admit. “I… I really miss you a lot too.”

A lump forms in Jungkook’s throat, and he gulps around it. But then…

They have five days off between the San Francisco concert and then the following one. Maybe he could fly home for a time…

He sits up in bed, eyes going wide. “I’ll come.”

“What?” you let out.

He laughs, like he should have figured it out before. “I’ll come home in two weeks. I have five days off, I can easily fly in and spend them with you.”

“Don’t say that,” you say, your voice barely above a whisper.

Jungkook’s excitement slowly dwindles to nothing. “Why?”

“Don’t make promises you can’t hold.”

He sucks on his piercings. “But I can,” he insists. “I’ll book flights with the manager. I bet some of the other members would also love to go home for a little.”

“But you’re already exhausted,” you point out, though Jungkook sees the spark of hope as it ignites in your eyes, an echo of the one in his, he’s pretty sure.

“Who cares?” he lets out. “I’ll sleep on the flight to Incheon, and then I’ll sleep with you in my arms.”

“You’ll snore in my ears all night.” 

You’re smiling. You’re smiling and it’s like the light at the end of the tunnel. Jungkook runs towards it, dives in it.

“I will, and you’ll love it,” he jokes.

The smile stretches even wider, turning into a full-blown grin. “I will.”

Jungkook sends a message to the group chat, asking who wants to go with him, and then returns to the call with you. “I’ll see you soon.”

It’s like he’s suddenly powered by a nuclear reactor, and he feels like getting up to jump around like a little kid. He keeps it in though, his heart galloping in his chest instead, and he realizes his gaze is wet as a tear slips free, a bearer of so much joy he doesn’t even bother wiping it away.

You look just as happy. Your eyes shining with unshed tears too, your grin still just as wide. You laugh, that same crystalline sound wrapping around Jungkook like a warm blanket. It doesn’t hurt like before, just fills him with far too much happiness for his heart to handle.

“I can’t wait,” he says. “We’ll cuddle and work out and I’ll cook some food for you.”

“Oh, your food,” you let out. “I fucking miss your food.”

His lips curve upwards. “I’ll cook you breakfast and lunch and dinner, and as many snacks as you want.”

“I’ll get fat.”

“More of you to love,” he says, and then his gaze widens at his choice of words.

Love is a big word you have yet to say to each other, sort of, and Jungkook does not want to say it through the phone for the first time. Not when he whispered on your skin that he was falling in love with you the last time he saw you.

But he’s not falling anymore. Things are more than clear now.

Your eyes widen too, and you let out a small giggle. “Of course, of course.”

Jungkook’s phone buzzes in his hand with an upcoming message from Hoseok.

[1:04 am] Hoseok: heryung’s home those dates, i’m fucking in

“Hobi is coming too,” Jungkook says.

He receives a message from Seokjin and Namjoon at the same time, both of them saying they want to come as well.

“Jin and Namjoon too,” he adds a second later.

“Taehyung?” you ask, probably thinking about Jennie.

“He hasn’t replied yet, but I’m sure he’ll come.”

“Good,” you let out. And then you chuckle, eyes falling to your coffee. “I’ll see you in two weeks.”

He nods. “Right after your book release.”

You laugh again, slightly shaking your head like you can’t believe it. “I can’t fucking wait.”

“Me neither.”

And it’s true. The two next weeks are going to be hell. If only because Jungkook knows time will feel eternal, inching forward at a snail pace. But even if time stretches indefinitely…

You’ll still be there at the end of those two weeks. And there’s nothing in this world that matters more than that.

Monday, November 10th

Your steps are light today. There’s a bounce to them as if you’re a second way from flying away like a balloon in the wind. It makes sense, as you’ll finally see Jungkook after months of waiting to see him again. Not only that, but your book release was a success over the weekend, and you’ve made record sales since Saturday night.

Your dreams are paying off. In every aspect of your life, it seems. And you really feel so fucking light you might start floating soon. Hell, you’ll float to Jungkook’s place.

You’re on your way there. With a duffel bag with clothes for the next few days, because you’re not planning on leaving his house until he has to leave and go back to America.

He said he wouldn’t let you leave. That he’ll lock you in the basement if you try to, which only makes you laugh because his basement is the least threatening basement you’ve ever seen with the karaoke corner and the bar and the gym.

You’re walking down the boulevard, the wind surprisingly warm today. Or maybe the warmth comes from within, your heart inundating your bloodstream with it as it pumps your blood.

In just twenty minutes, you’ll finally be at Jungkook’s place. He offered to pick you up, but you had a meeting with Stella about the book release and you didn’t want him to wait around for you when he just landed from a twelve-hour flight. So you convinced him to go home, and you practically ran out the second the meeting finished.

Your bag has been ready since he told you he’d come two weeks ago.

So, you walk with a bounce in your step, unable to stop yourself from smiling as you turn into Jungkook’s street. You pass by two girls as you do so, and you smile at them, only to have them glare at you like you’re weird.

Right. People don’t usually smile at each other here. You can’t bring yourself to care, not when you’re so damn happy to see him. And it doesn’t take you long to reach his house, the street outside blissfully empty. He’s given you the code to get in without having to knock, and you head to the door, pressing it in before pushing the door open.

And then you’re stepping in, kicking your shoes off as you inhale a whiff of food. He’s cooking, much like he said he would, and you drop your bag and purse by the door before running in.

He’s in the kitchen, his back turned to you as he’s at the stove, mixing something in a pan with a wooden spoon. He doesn’t hear you, and you just stand there for a few seconds, taking in the fact that he’s standing in the same room as you. That, in a second, he’ll turn around and see you, and you’ll be able to run up to him, to hold him in your arms like you’ve been craving since August.

“Hey,” you let out, unable to wait any longer.

He startles, looking over his shoulder, and the second he sees you standing there, Jungkook spins around, running up to you and picking you up in his arms. You wrap yours around his neck as he spins you around, and you giggle as the world spins and spins.

“You’re here,” he says like he can’t believe it, and then he’s laughing too. “You’re here.”

“I am,” you say, and he stops spinning to look up at you, and you crash your lips on his with enough force he stumbles back.

His lips are just as pillowy soft as you remember them to be, and they part on a small grunt that just makes you laugh again. 

“You’re here,” he repeats against your mouth, like he can hardly believe it.

“I’ve always been here,” you say as you pull away to meet his eyes. And then you fall in the depths of them, in the emotions and the stars that look like nebulas as he stares at you with such intensity you feel like no one’s ever truly seen you before. “You’re the one that left.”

He lets out a small chuckle, and then he puts you down. He doesn’t let you get too far, his hands cupping your cheeks so he can pull you into another kiss, much more languid this time. 

It’s a heavy kiss. It holds the weight of the months apart, of the distance and the numerous FaceTime calls where you just craved the other’s touch. It’s heavy with the feelings that slowly appeared between the two of you over the summer, strengthened by the time in Jeju. It’s heavy with the way those feelings kept growing despite being away from each other since then, too.

It’s heavy with the fact he alluded to loving you on that FaceTime call two weeks ago when he decided to come back. And fuck, as he pulls away from you to rest his forehead against yours, his thumbs swiping the side of your face, those three little words almost tumble free.

But then the smoke detector starts blaring, and you both startle, glancing at the stove.

“Shit,” Jungkook says, and he runs back to the stove, quickly lifting the pan from it. He grabs the wooden spoon, stirring the contents of the pan, and then looks at you. “Can you grab a towel and shake it at the smoke detector?”

You nod, gaze widening because why didn’t you think of it before, and then you’re jogging into the kitchen, pulling the drawer with the dish towels open to grab one. And then you’re shaking it at the ceiling as Jungkook cranks the fan up to its highest setting. It’s so loud you can barely hear yourself think, but soon enough, the smoke alarm stops, and Jungkook turns down the fan and opens a window instead.

“I think the oil burned a little,” he says, “and some of the chicken might not be edible anymore but…” He shrugs with a laugh. “We still have plenty enough for a snack.”

You smile, walking back behind the kitchen island, throwing the towel on the counter. “Let me see.”

He lowers the pan, and you gaze at its contents. Indeed, some of the vegetables and chicken have blackened, though most of it still looks perfectly fine.

“Yeah, we’re good,” you say with a nod. Right on cue, your stomach wails, and you both burst out laughing. “I’m starving.”

“Then let’s eat,” he says, grinning wide. “I’m famished too.”

You grab plates from the cupboard next to the stove fan, and you help Jungkook with splitting the charred food with what’s still good before you split that into two plates. Luckily enough, and because Jungkook always cooks for an army, you both have plenty enough food for a full meal, and you eat at the kitchen island, Jungkook sitting so close you feel his thigh against yours. You don’t mind – you’ve needed him close, far closer than that, for months.

You’re not going to push him away now that he’s finally here.

When the meal is done and the dishes are washed and left to dry, you return to the front door to grab your duffel bag, bringing it upstairs in Jungkook’s bedroom. He’s your shadow on the way there, right behind you the whole time like he can’t let you out of sight for more than a few seconds. 

You put your duffel down by the bed, turning around with the intention of teasing Jungkook about it, but the intense look in his eyes stops the words from coming out, your smile slowly dying.

“I’ve missed you so fucking much,” he whispers as he takes a step toward you.

“Jungkook…”

You both start walking toward each other then, crashing in the middle of his bedroom. Jungkook’s lips are on yours quicker than you can even register it, and it clashes so hard you think your teeth might have slightly bashed together. But it doesn’t hurt, not when emotions pour out of his body and yours like a dam just broke between you and you’re losing yourselves in the dizzying dance of your lips on his, of your hands getting lost in his hair while his hold the back of your head and your waist.

The kiss deepens as Jungkook nudges your lips open with his tongue. He’s gentle about it, like he’s coaxing a wild animal into surrendering to him, and you’d laugh about it, say it’s not needed, if you weren’t so busy kissing him back with so much passion your heart races for a finish line you know it’ll find somewhere in his ribcage.

As your tongues twirl together, Jungkook backs you toward the bed, though he doesn’t push you down yet. He keeps on kissing you, keeps on holding you close like he can’t let go of you yet, even if it’s just for the few heartbeats it’d take for you to fall back on the bed. And you don’t want to let go either. Even as your lungs start burning from lack of oxygen, you just keep on moving your lips against the pillowy softness of his, his taste inebriating on your tongue.

You’ll never get enough of this man. There aren’t enough days in eternity for you to get bored of him, but you want every single one of them. You want to challenge fate, tell it to try and break you apart now that you’re together.

As if that’ll ever happen. 

Jungkook pulls away from the kiss, his lips swollen by it, and you just stare at each other for a few seconds like you’re trying to make sure that this is really happening, that you’re finally reunited. And you smile, so wide, because this is as real as can be.

You’re finally here together.

You sit back on the bed, grabbing Jungkook’s hand to tug him down with you. He resists for a few seconds like he needs to look at you for just a little longer, and then he climbs on top of you, spreading your legs with a knee as you lie back down with him hovering over you. His mouth is on yours a heartbeat later, so soft and sweet you could cry.

“I don’t think I can take my time with you right now,” he whispers in a desperate plea when there’s a short break in the kiss so you can breathe.

You’re holding his cheeks, and you immediately pull him back down for another kiss that leads to you sucking on his lower lip, teasing it with your teeth.

“Don’t take your time,” you reply when you part.

It’s like you’ve unleashed a beast. Jungkook grunts, grinding into you to show you just how hard he already is, and then he straightens, taking off his shirt, hands flying to his belt after. He unbuckles it, takes it off in a swift motion, and throws it on the floor. It thumps on the hardwood floor, and you imagine it probably left a mark, but Jungkook does not seem like he gives a fuck as he gets up to quickly push his pants and underwear down.

He steps out of the pile of clothing in his naked glory save for a silver chain on his neck, and he fists his dick, stroking himself as he looks down at you. You sit up, hand reaching for him, and he guides himself to your mouth.

You know what he wants, and you want it just as bad as he does. You’ve been dying for a taste of him, so you lick at the bead of precum that prettily sits on his slit, and then take him in your mouth, tongue swirling around him. Jungkook grunts, head throwing back as you suck hard, and he grabs your cheeks, pulling out of your mouth.

“I’ll come if you suck me,” he says, and he chuckles breathlessly. “I want to be inside you.”

You’re not going to say no to that, not when he starts undressing you in loving gestures, peppering kisses on every inch of skin revealed until you’re just sitting there in your bra and underwear. He leaves those on, pushing you back on the bed until he’s on top of you again, his dick rubbing at your clothed pussy. 

“Can already feel how wet you are,” he says as you let out a breathy sound.

Indeed, your panties are sticking to your wetness, even more so as Jungkook rubs himself on you. You spread your legs as wide open as you can as you chase more sensations, more friction, but Jungkook doesn’t give in right away, instead returning to your lips for another languid kiss. Your fingers are on his back, nails slightly digging in his skin, and Jungkook just keeps grinding into you, working you into a tight, uncomfortable knot that refuses to let go.

Not when there’s still fabric between you and him.

“Jungkook,” you whimper against his mouth.

He pulls away to look at your face. His pink lips are wet, glistening in the light coming in from the window, and your gaze catches on the mole under his mouth.

“What’s wrong, baby?” Jungkook asks.

“I want you inside of me,” you reply as you wrap your legs around his waist as if that’ll push him in.

“Want me to ruin you in that pretty thong?” 

Indeed, you made sure to wear a nice lace set for him. Maybe that’s why he left the bra on.

“Please,” you beg.

He chuckles darkly, pecking your lips once. “Of course, baby. I got you.”

He kneels back between your legs, hands caressing your thighs a few times as he looks down at you, his eyes shining with untethered lust and passion for you. He glances down between your legs, one hand following to gently rub at your clit through the fabric, and you moan under his ministrations. He sucks in a breath at the sound, and then he pushes your panties to the side so he can directly touch you.

It’s so much sensation you almost close your legs, but he holds them open before grabbing his dick, stroking himself again as he watches your pussy. You whine, and he taps your clit, making you jerk against the bed in surprise, the sudden pain turning into burning pleasure.

“Oh, you like this,” he teases as if he didn’t already know.

He slaps your clit again, harder this time, and your eyes flutter close as you spread your legs open wider. And then, instead of using his hand, Jungkook taps his dick on you, before starting to rub himself between your folds, collecting your juices. It feels insanely good, and you fist the sheets, lifting your hips trying to get him to push in.

He doesn’t. He just keeps rubbing himself on you, your panties to the side, so much so you know your panties are ruined long before he finally decides to put you out of your misery, pushing his tip inside of you.

It stretches, burning slightly despite how wet you are, and you moan his name in a broken sound.

“Fuck, it’s been too long,” he says as he slowly pulls out before starting to push in again, gaining another inch this time. “Way too fucking long.”

He keeps that infernal push and pull up until he manages to fully seat himself in you, and then he finally bends down again, finding your mouth for a sloppy kiss. His tongue is between your lips, his dick inside of you, and you’ve never felt so at home before.

Jungkook’s dick twitches inside of you once as you tighten your walls, and he grunts, pulling away from the kiss.

“I’m going to fuck you so rough,” he says, and it’s the only warning you get before he starts jackhammering inside of you, soon leaning back and pushing your legs up to his chest as he keeps fucking you.

His balls slap on your ass as he spears you wide open, and your mind swims with pleasure as he kisses the side of your leg, teeth nipping at your skin. You say his name as you look at the way the muscles of his abdomen contract with the effort from fucking you. He says your name back, reverence coating every syllable, and your heart swells so much for him, right as the knot he’s been working you into gets ready to snap.

He must have sensed it. Because he pulls out, flips you on your stomach, pushes one of your legs up and then slips inside of you again, reaching so much deeper this time. You hide your face in the sheets as you mewl at the sensation, and he’s unforgiving, fucking you fast and deep, so rough he slowly pushes you up the bed. You hold onto the sheets as if that’ll save you, but nothing can, not when he’s fucking you like this.

You come before he does. The knot inside of you snaps so hard and so suddenly you lose your vision for a moment, everything going white. He slows down then, coaxing the orgasm out of you in slow swipes of his hips, milking it out for so long you think you might be trembling when it finally starts fading.

Jungkook bends down then, leaning with his elbows on each side of your head. You turn your head to the side to catch sight of him, and he finds your mouth, kissing you sweetly as he keeps up with the slower rhythm he established when you were coming. It’s dizzying, mindnumbing, and you doubt you’re still fully in your body as he slowly starts to pick up the pace, chasing his own climax.

You reach back, cupping his cheek, and then you say, “Please come for me.”

It works. The words make Jungkook pick up the same relentless pace as earlier, and he fucks you hard into the mattress, his balls slapping against your clit now. It feels so good you think you might come again, even as his motions grow sloppy until he grunts out your name, slamming to the hilt as he comes deep within you, his dick twitching and twitching with every spurt of cum he paints you with.

Jungkook leans his forehead on the side of your face as you just breathe in sync for a time, and he interlaces your fingers on the bed. His weight on you is so comforting you feel your eyes watering. You smile, wide, mind buzzing with the remnants of your orgasm.

“I missed you too,” you say.

He chuckles, pecking your cheek. “I know, baby. I know.”

His dick, now softened, slips out of you, and his cum spills out, staining the sheets under you. But Jungkook doesn’t move, keeps caging your body with his like he’s protecting you from the harsh reality of the world outside. And you don’t want to move either. Don’t want to end this moment with him, but the small eternity eventually passes, Jungkook getting up and pulling you with him. You’re wobbly on your feet, but he holds you up, wraps his arms around you in a soulcrushing hug that you return without hesitation.

And then he tugs you to the shower, where you end up having sex again. And then you’re in his bed, sheets off in the washing machine, talking about the months apart. You end up making love again so many times as the day passes that you doubt you’ll be able to walk tomorrow, but you’re catching up for the months apart, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

It’s much later that night, when the sheets are back on the bed and you’re lying in Jungkook’s embrace, looking at each other, that Jungkook says, “I know I said I’d be with you for tomorrow, but I have a quick thing to do in the afternoon.”

You scan his features, his slightly chapped lips from all the kissing. “What do you have to do?”

There’s a short silence as he just keeps on looking at you, and then he replies, “Just a quick something with the company.”

You nod, eyes fluttering shut as you nestle yourself closer in his embrace. “No worries. I’ll stay here while you go.”

He kisses the top of your head, his loose grip around your waist tightening to hold you impossibly closer. “Perfect.”

You smile as he pecks your head again, and you let his warmth guide you to a dreamless sleep that smells like him.

Tuesday, November 11th

Seoul is cold today, the warmth from yesterday having faded away so thoroughly it seems like winter's holding the world in its clutches. Jungkook hides his face from the wind in the lapels of the jacket you forced him to wear, smiling as he remembers how you used them to tug him into a kiss that almost convinced him to not go. And as another gush of wind bites at his features, he reckons he should have been convinced.

He knows he agreed to meet up with Sara last week when she called him crying and he picked up half asleep not realizing it was her. But he doesn’t want to see her, not when he fell for you so, so hard.

But then again, he’s going to pick up roses on the way back, and he’ll officially ask you to be his girlfriend. He wants the label, wants you to call him his boyfriend to everyone you know. He wants more than just the rumors about you and him that have slowly dwindled down over the months he spent away.

Hell, he wants to scream at the world that he’s in love with you. And he reckons some dirty, ugly part of himself just wants to rub it into Sara’s face after the way she’s treated him in the past.

Jungkook finally reaches the coffeeshop Sara asked to meet up at, and he walks in, the warmth a welcome reprieve from the world outside. He heads to the counter to order a hot cup of coffee, and he’s thankful that the person behind the register is an elderly woman. She just smiles at him with a nod of her head, clearly not recognizing him, and then she makes his cup of coffee, handing it to him.

He bows and thanks her before taking it, and then he looks around, wondering where Sara might be. The coffeeshop is tiny and completely empty, but then he spies a staircase in the corner, and he glances at the lady behind the counter.

“Is there someone upstairs?” he asks.

She nods. “A young lady arrived earlier and went upstairs,” she informs him.

He thanks the lady again, and then he heads in that direction, careful to not spill the hot liquid on himself. He climbs upstairs, indeed finding Sara sitting at a table overlooking the street.

Save for her, the floor is empty too, and Jungkook reckons her choice of meeting point was commendable. No one will know they were here together at all.

“Hey,” he says as he nears the table where she’s sat, and Sara startles, looking at him.

The dark circles around her eyes are witnesses to what she’s been going through, and Jungkook stops her from getting up when she tries to.

“No need,” he says, putting his cup of coffee on the table before sitting across from her.

“I didn’t think you would actually come,” she says, her voice wavery like she’s about to cry.

He reckons his would too, if he were to be diagnosed with cancer.

“I said I would.”

She nods weakly, looking down at the smoothie in front of her, clearly sensing that he is closed off.

“Well, thank you,” she says.

He nods curtly, glancing at the steam wafting out of his cup of coffee, his gaze then trailing outside to see some snowflakes fluttering about.

“I just wanted…” she starts, falling silent. “To catch up, you know?”

He wets his lips, sighing as he looks at her again. “Like I said over the phone, I have someone in my life now,” he says. “I don’t really want to catch up.”

She doesn’t say anything for a few seconds, just staring at him unblinkingly. “Why are you here, then?”

Because you might be dying, Jungkook thinks, but he can’t bring himself to say it aloud.

“You said you wanted to apologize,” he reminds her instead, because she did mention that over the phone.

Her jaw clenches, a muscle ticking under the skin. “Can’t we catch up first?”

“I don’t really have much to say to you, Sara.”

Her eyebrows almost touch over her eyes as she frowns. “Aren’t you touring? Surely, you must have stories to tell about that.”

He widens his gaze, surprised at her audacity. “Sara, I told you I have someone in my life. She’s the one I want to tell my stories to, not you.”

It hurts her. The frown falls, replaced by a silver line slowly growing in her eyes. She blinks the tears away, looking out the window with a small, hurt chuckle.

“She’s that writer, isn’t she?”

So, Sara must have seen the rumors about you, then. 

Jungkook nods. “Not that it’s any of your business, but yes.”

“You know, Seojoon broke up with me because he said I’m still in love with you,” Sara casually says, and Jungkook hates the way his heart strains in his chest like a reflex.

He didn’t even know Seojoon had broken up with her.

“I’m sorry,” he lets out, and he’s relieved he sounds a little bit genuine. 

Because frankly, he doesn’t care that she still loves him. He hardly thinks it’s true. 

She’s too good of a manipulator for it to be true.

“It’s…” she trails off, shrugging her shoulders. “It’s whatever.”

Jungkook purses his lips, but doesn’t find words to say in return. So he busies himself with taking a sip of his coffee, and it’s so hot it almost burns the skin off his tongue. He puts the cup back down, figuring he’s going to have to wait before drinking.

“Honestly, Jungkook, I really wished we could catch up like old times.”

He shuts his eyes at the sadness laced with her words. It’s so potent he almost tastes it on his tongue despite the burn left behind by the coffee.

“I get that,” he says, looking at her. “But what we had was extremely toxic. I don’t want to bring that back into my life.”

“So you’re calling me toxic?” she says.

He cocks an eyebrow. “You have to be aware that our relationship was toxic, Sara. I’m not saying you were.” Even though she definitely was. “I think it’s better left in the past.”

She takes a deep breath, and then draws a sip from the straw in her smoothie. It takes her a moment to speak again, but then she says, “Okay, then. It was toxic. I guess this whole…” she motions at herself, “thing has really just put things in perspective for me.”

Jungkook meets her gaze, but remains silent as he waits for her to keep going.

“I’m sorry, Jungkook.” She sighs. “I’m sorry for everything I put you through.”

He clenches his jaw, not expecting the words to hurt as much as they do. He thought it’d be liberating to hear it, but it just tastes bitter.

“But you also weren’t perfect,” she adds, and it explains the bitterness behind the words.

Because with Sara, nothing ever means what it’s supposed to mean. She always has an ulterior motive, and Jungkook really doesn’t understand why he agreed to meet up. As he sits in front of her, he realizes that he’s been over her for months now, and he likes it as it is.

Likes that she’s just a memory from the past. He’s sad she’s sick, that’s for sure, but he doesn’t want to walk down memory lane when it comes to her. 

“Alright Sara,” he says. “Anything else you want to say before I leave?”

“You’re not drinking the coffee?” she asks, her eyes round with fear. 

Jungkook glances at the cup, and it looks just as hot as it was earlier. “I’m not sure it was a good idea for us to meet up.”

She starts crying. And he doesn’t know how to react, the good part of him wanting to comfort her, but the more rational one remembering that she uses tears as a weapon all the time.

“I might die, JK,” she says. “I’m scared.”

He shuts his eyes again, because what the fuck is he supposed to say to that?

“You’ve been doing treatments, no?” he asks when he opens his eyes again.

She chuckles, but it’s entirely void of joy. And then she takes off the wig she’s wearing, throwing it on the table. “Yeah.”

Jungkook stares at the wig for a few seconds before looking up at her. She looks so sad like this, so vulnerable, that the good part of him wins.

“You still look good,” he reassures her.

“Thank you for acknowledging that a woman does not need hair to be attractive,” she says, using his compliment as an attack, as always.

He tilts his head to the side, raising his eyebrows like ‘Really?’.

“No, seriously,” she adds, and she wipes at her cheeks. “It’s something I keep telling myself every time I look at myself in the mirror.” She gulps and it’s loud enough for him to hear. “I don’t recognize myself anymore. Even with the wig on.”

“I’m sorry,” he lets out, voice barely above a whisper.

She shrugs. “It’s okay. I’ll kick cancer’s ass and grow my hair back.”

“You will.”

She smiles, so sad he looks outside again to see it doesn’t seem to be snowing anymore. “Thank you,” she lets out. And then she adds, with no regard to him, “And I’m really sorry for taking you for granted all these years. I thought I’d always have you by my side.”

He clenches his jaw, sucking on his piercings hard enough to hurt. “It is what it is,” he says after a few beats of silence. “I couldn’t keep being treated like that forever.”

She nods. “Fair. I really do apologize for everything, Jungkook.”

He meets her gaze, gives her a nod. “Thank you.”

He hears the clear scuffle of steps in the staircase, and his heart stops for a second at the thought of being seen with her. But then Heryung appears at the top of the stairs, and relief washes through him.

Only to be replaced by a wave of sick dread as she takes in the sight of him, gaze widening.

“What are you doing here?” she asks as Hoseok appears behind her.

Jungkook just looks between Heryung and Hoseok a few times before glancing at Sara. She’s looking down at the table like she’s guilty, and he realizes she planned this.

She wanted them to get caught. To be seen together. And for that reason and that reason only, Jungkook gets up from the table, his anger so sudden and potent he figures it best to leave and not say hurtful things to her.

“Nothing,” Jungkook says, and he walks away, not even glancing back. 

He’s glad he didn’t take his coat off, so he doesn’t have to awkwardly put it back on before storming away. But despite trying to get away before something more can happen, Hoseok steps in his path, forcing him to stop.

“Does Y/n know you’re here?”

Jungkook frowns. “Hobi, let me leave.”

“I thought you were really into Y/n,” Hoseok adds despite the warning in Jungkook’s tone.

“I am, and I’m going back to her right now, alright?”

Hoseok frowns, but remains silent, stepping aside to let him pass. Jungkook doesn’t wait a second longer, and he quickly runs down the stairs before returning to the cold world outside.

He really shouldn’t have come.

*****

Jungkook’s been silent ever since he came back from the company. You think it might be because he had to call the police before being able to get into the house. You were napping, and so you didn’t hear, but he apparently caught two girls trying to come in when he arrived.

When are people going to get tired of this? It doesn’t make sense to you. As if Jungkook would be happy to see them walk into his house…

He called them sasaengs, but you think it’s more than that. It’s a clinical level of delusion that would need severe therapy and most likely meds to heal from. Because who in their right mind believes breaking into someone’s house will make them like you?

He made dinner when he came home, busying himself in the kitchen for nearly half an hour. You tried to engage in conversation, but he looked so out of it you ended up leaving him alone, though you did the dishes every time he was done with something, if only to keep yourself occupied.

Over dinner, he told you that the meeting at the company was a waste of time, and that he wishes he’d stayed home with you instead. You smiled, telling him you wish he stayed too, and he only then seemed to start relaxing. He still hasn’t been talkative, even as he made love to you on the couch in the living room, while a movie you did not bring yourself to care about played in the background. You then took a shower, made love again in his bed, and then went downstairs for a snack, which you ended up eating in the living room, with yet another movie playing in the background. 

And Jungkook is now lying with his head on your chest, soft snores coming out of him at regular intervals while you scroll on your phone. 

You receive a text message from Heryung, and you click on it, expecting her to update you about what you’ll do this weekend, as she suggested hanging out while she’s here.

To your surprise, her message is in fact not about meeting up at all, and you frown as you read.

[11:23 pm] Heryung: is everything okay with jk? [11:23 pm] You: yes? [11:24 pm] You: there were people at his house earlier but the police scared them off [11:25 pm] Heryung: he just seemed rattled when we saw him earlier with sara

You stare at your phone, ice filling every inch of your body. 

Jungkook was with Sara earlier?

[11:25 pm] You: wdym with sara

It takes a moment for Heryung to reply, and your heart is beating so incredibly fast by the time her message comes in that you feel dizzy.

[11:29 pm] Heryung: he was talking with her at a coffee shop earlier? [11:30 pm] Heryung: didn’t he tell you?

No, he, as a matter of fact, did not tell you. In truth, he lied to you.

Jungkook fucking lied to you.

“Jungkook,” you let out as you put your phone down, trying to rouse him from his sleep. You push on him, and he grunts as his grip around you tightens. “Jungkook,” you repeat, your tone firmer this time.

“Mmh?” he hums.

“Jungkook, get the fuck up.”

The urgency in your tone must have woken him right up, because he sits up, throwing you a confused glance as he runs a hand through his hair, leaving it dishevelled.

“What?”

You’re disgusted, looking at him then. Because if he lied to you so easily about seeing Sara, didn’t he lie about the rest, too?

“What were you doing with your ex this afternoon?”

Your question does wake him right up. His gaze widens, fear filling the depth of his eyes, and he looks around for his phone, not finding it as it’s currently on the counter in the kitchen, where he left it to charge earlier.

“It was nothing,” he says, and then he must sense it sounds bad, because he adds, “I promise.”

“You said you were at the company.”

He doesn’t say anything for a while, and you get up from the couch, heading to the kitchen. He follows behind you, trying to grab your arm, but you shake out of his grip.

“Don’t touch me right now.”

You would rather jump off a bridge than be touched by him right now.

“Sorry,” he says. “Y/n, she has cancer and she just wanted to talk.”

You laugh, a bitter taste coating your entire mouth. Because what the fuck do you mean he came home and made love to you twice without saying anything? No wonder he was so silent when he arrived.

“I don’t care,” you reply as you find your purse.

You’re wearing Jungkook’s sweater right now, the one he gave you last August, the one you were wearing when you got here. Which is a relief – you don’t have enough energy to go upstairs to grab your stuff right now.

You want out, and right now.

“She wanted to apologize,” he adds. “It really was nothing, and I shouldn’t have gone.”

You laugh again, shaking your head as you glance at him. “I really don’t care.”

You walk around him, heading towards the front door.

“Will you stop for a second so I can explain?” he says behind you.

You spin around, and he’s so close he almost bumps into you. You raise a finger, pointing at him accusingly. “You should have explained before going.”

“Well, with your reaction, I’m sure you would not have understood.”

The audacity of this man… 

You spin on your heels again, heading towards the front door. Good thing you’re wearing sweatpants, and not the silky PJ shorts you brought in your duffel bag.

“Y/n, stop, I did not mean that,” he says behind you as you’re halfway through the living room, heading to the hall that leads to the front door. “She was shitty, like she always is, and I honestly just want to pretend it never happened.”

“Why the fuck did you go see her, then?” you ask.

“She has cancer,” he repeats. “She called crying and said she needed to talk to someone, and that she wanted to apologize.”

“It’s unfortunate for her that she’s sick, it really is,” you say, and you mean it. “But if you think that that’s the biggest problem, then I don’t have anything to do here anymore.”

“What’s the problem?” he asks, which only makes you laugh bitterly again.

A look over your shoulder tells you the laugh hurt him. He looks like you’ve slapped him across the face, and you really need to get out of this house before you actually do it.

“You lied, Jungkook. You lied like it was nothing.”

“I just didn’t want to make a big deal out of this,” he says, and his voice shakes like he’s about to cry. “I didn’t even want to see her.”

You turn around. He’s further away this time, having stopped at the start of the hall, of which you’re already almost all the way down.

“But you still went, and you lied about it,” you say. “You really believe I’ll trust a single word you say after that?”

He closes his eyes, cards his hand through his hair again. “Y/n, don’t blow this out of proportion, please. Let’s talk it out.”

“I do not want to talk it out with you,” you spit. “I don’t entertain cheaters.”

You resume your walk to the door, kicking off the slippers he got for you to put your shoes on instead.

“It’s freezing outside, surely you’re not going to walk home.”

You look over your shoulder. “I think I might punch you if you stop me.”

“Your things are upstairs,” he points out, and there’s terror in his voice. It’s shaking at the edges, and you reckon he seems to be shaking, too.

“Give them to Mingyu, he’ll bring them to me.”

You turn to grab the door knob. 

“Y/n, stop,” Jungkook insists again. “I’m not a cheater. I didn’t cheat, we just talked.”

“But lying about it is emotional cheating,” you throw at him, the accusing finger back on display. “You lied like it was nothing, and you probably wouldn’t have said anything about it if I didn’t find out on my own.”

“Heryung told you?”

“It doesn’t matter who told me, Jungkook. I’m going home.”

“Stop!” he yells as you turn the door knob, only to find it locked. “Please stop. I’m in love with you, you can’t just leave like that.”

His words take your heart out of your chest, throw it on the floor only to stomp on it repeatedly until it’s a disgusting mess of jam. 

“You should have thought about that before lying,” you say, your voice lower this time, and you unlock the door before looking at him one last time. “You really should have thought about it before lying.”

“Y/n, please,” he says, his voice breaking as tears roll on his cheeks. 

It gathers tears in your eyes, too, so you turn around, stepping out into the cold November night. The door closes behind you, sounding like the final nail in a coffin, and you feel like you’ve been dipped in acid. Your entire body hurts with the betrayal and heartbreak, and you angrily blink the tears away, refusing to cry for Jungkook.

Not after he lied to you like this. 

The street is empty, save for the moon up in the sky, and you walk down towards the boulevard, looking over your shoulder  at Jungkook’s house, expecting him to come running out after you, but the door remains shut.

It hurts so bad you turn left, needing to be home as quick as possible before you collapse. Because you will. You know you will – the tears are an impending doom of the collapse that awaits you the second the heartbreak really does fully settle in. So you turn left, heading towards the alley you walked down with Jungkook once, the moon thankfully guiding your path.

And as you walk, you can’t help but doubt everything Jungkook ever told you. It turns the memories from Jeju into a rotten mess, and you clench your teeth so hard it hurts.

I’m in love with you.

Hours ago, those words would have been the most beautiful revelation in this world, but now they just burn and ache and break, and you wish he had kept it to himself instead of putting that weight on your shoulders.

Because why the fuck did he lie to you if he is truly in love with you? To see his ex out of all things…

You reach the alley that cuts through the neighbourhood. It’s dark, like it always is but even more so at night, and you can almost hear Jungkook’s voice telling you it’s not safe. But his voice is the last thing you want to hear, so you ignore it, turning into the alley. You don’t slow down as it grows darker – there isn’t really any light but the light of the moon that’s following you home up in the sky, but even then the full moon barely reaches the ground here.

It’s creepy. Even during the day, this alley has always been creepy to you, and you feel adrenaline slowly surging into your bloodstream, inconveniently erasing the anger you’ve been feeling at Jungkook’s words. Instead, it’s replaced by the primal fear of being looked at right now, and you look over your shoulder.

There’s no one behind you, yet you accelerate, wanting to be out of the alley as soon as you possibly can. Your throat dries out, your heart picking up its pace in your chest, and you hear it hammering inside your ribcage as you reach the bend in the alley.

Your heart almost stops entirely as two girls are standing just right there, and you stop in your tracks right before bumping into one of them. They eye you up and down, exchanging a look that makes cold sweat break out on every inch of your skin, and you immediately open your purse, trying to reach for your phone.

“Sorry,” you tell the girls as you try to pass between them, but one of them steps right in front of you.

You look at her, cocking an eyebrow, hand still fumbling in your purse for your phone. You can feel your Airpod case, your keys and your lip stain, but your phone isn’t there.

Why is your phone not there?

“Are you Jungkook’s girlfriend?” the girl that stepped in front of you says.

Your gaze widens, and you let out a small laugh. “Excuse me?”

“Our friend says you just left his house.”

A ball of lead is forming at the bottom of your stomach, and it grows so heavy you feel like you can’t breathe right.

“Do I know you?” you ask, and you give up your search for your phone – it’s still on Jungkook’s couch, after all – holding onto your purse like it might be a weapon instead.

It feels silly, but the way the girls are looking at you makes the hair rise all over your body, and you just want to get out.

The girl to your left laughs, pushing up the wall against which she was leaning. She’s smoking a cigarette – the smell of it is clouding the air surrounding you – and she throws it on the floor, stepping on it with the heel of a boot.

She doesn’t look much older than twenty. The one in front of you seems older, and she has a predatory gleam in her eyes that makes you take a step back.

“Don’t be afraid,” she says, and just like that, you know that you have to be very, very afraid.

“I’m just trying to go home,” you say, voice shaking slightly, and you turn on your heel, heading back the way you came from.

You make it three steps after the bend in the alley before you notice a man and another woman coming your way. 

“We finally got her,” the man says in Korean, and you glance over your shoulder to see the two girls have followed you.

“She’s scared,” the first girl lets out.

They laugh. They all laugh, and you’re hit with the realization that they have to be some of the sasaengs that keep trying to get into Jungkook's house.

“Who are you?” you ask.

“And she speaks English? Not surprised he’s fucking ditching us for a foreign girl.”

You gulp as the four of them walk closer to you. There’s no way out – the walls are way too high on each side for you to dream of climbing them, and you know they won’t let you pass even if you ask. There’s something in the way they’re eyeing you that makes you feel like a mouse in the talons of an eagle, and you raise your hands.

“Hey, I’m not looking for any trouble,” you say.

You can’t even call the police. There’s nothing you can do, and you look behind the man and woman in front of you, hoping to see someone else coming your way.  Maybe Jungkook, finally running out after you. But it’s late, and it’s a residential neighbourhood, and you really shouldn’t have come in here at this hour.

“Leave me alone.” You’d hoped to sound threatening, but it only makes the guy laugh, and then everything happens all at once.

You make to scream, but the girl behind you wraps her hand on your mouth, pulling you back and making you stumble. The man is on you in an instant, and his fist collides on the side of your face so hard you see stars, your knees giving out under you. You drop your purse, and you try to raise a hand only for the girl to pull your arm in your back.

“We should film this,” one of the other girls says. “That’s going to teach him that he shouldn’t just date any fucking slut.”

You bite. It’s all you can think to do in the panic and grogginess that are battling inside your mind, and she lets you go long enough that you can scream.

One shrill sound that echoes on the walls of the alley, but that dies the second the man punches you in the stomach. The air goes out of your lungs as you fold in two, and you swear you heard something crack. But you don’t have time to think.

You’re thrown on the ground, and then they’re kicking at you. All you can think to do is protect your head, and tears roll on your cheeks as you let out muffled yelps of pain. You don’t know how long it is before someone’s pulling your head back by your hair, forcing you up in a sitting position. You try to get their hand off your hair, weakly punching at the air above you, but they’re laughing at you.

They’re all laughing at you, and you’re crying. You’ve been crying, and all you manage to do is grab ahold of the fingers in your hair. Your scalp is burning from how hard they’re pulling on it, but you immediately stop moving when you feel something cold on your throat.

“She deserves to fucking die.”

It’s the guy speaking, and you open your eyes to see him bending down in front of you. He’s got a knife in his hand, and the tip of it is pressing on your throat.

You’re going to die. You are going to die, and all you can think to do is say, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

It must have enabled him. Because he laughs, slapping you. “You’re not.”

“Okay, I think it’s enough,” one of the girls says, panic in her voice. 

You look up to see the youngest one looking down at you, and the last member of their group is holding onto her arm. “Just let him do what we paid him to do,” the one holding her says.

“We said we’d scare her.”

“She pissed herself, we got her pretty good.”

It occurs to you that you might have. That you’re too dizzy and terrified to compute that your pants are indeed wet, and that something warm is also running down your temple.

“She’s even bleeding,” the man says, and he brushes his fingers on the side of your face.

You’re shaking. You’re shaking like a leaf in the wind and all you want to do is fall asleep and never wake up.

This has to be a nightmare. But everything is hurting, and you’re keenly aware that it isn’t a nightmare. Suddenly, he pressure on your scalp suddenly disappears, and you fall on the ground again, rolling into a fetal position.

You hear screams. You hear screams and something sharp digs in your side twice before they’re running away, and you’re sobbing. You’re sobbing and your hand is red when you touch your side.

You’re bleeding.

Why the fuck did you leave your phone at Jungkook’s place?

They’re gone. They left, and you’re bleeding. 

Did they run because he stabbed you? 

You take a deep breath, and it hurts so much you choke.

You choke, but hands find your shoulders and pull you up. You cry in pain, shielding your face, but it’s a familiar voice this time.

“Y/n.”

You sob and choke and shake.

“Y/n, look at me.”

You can’t. Everything hurts.

“Please.” His voice breaks. “Y/n, holy fucking shit.”

He gently rests you down on the floor, and then he’s speaking quick Korean on the phone.

“Stay with me,” he tells you a few seconds later, but it also feels like an eternity later.

Time is moving slow and quick, all at once.

“Jungkook,” you choke out. You’re lying on your back, and his doe eyes are so wide you see white all around his irises. “What are you doing here?”

“I called the police,” he says, and you think he’s crying, like he was crying at his house. “Just stay with me.”

He has his hand on your side now. You don’t even know when he put it there, when yours fell away from the wounds.

“But what about Sara?”

You don’t know why you think of her right now. Why you become so tired at the same time, like you’ve just run four marathons back to back.

“Stay with me.” 

Jungkook is pretty. You’ve always been aware of it, but with the moon creating a halo behind his head, he looks like an angel. You raise your hand, and you touch his cheek. It stains red, and your hand falls back on the ground. You don’t even feel it hit the concrete.

You see home. Your home country, your family. Growing up with your siblings. You see a night sky over the sea in Jeju, words whispered against your skin. You’re so tired, and you can’t hold on much longer.

“Hey, hey, look at me,” Jungkook says.

You don’t know when you closed your eyes, but they flutter open at the sound of his voice. He smiles at you, and tears run down his cheeks. You want to tell him you’re okay, you’re not mad anymore, but no sound comes out when your mouth opens.

You pass out on your next exhale.

*****

Jungkook sees the moment the light goes out in your eyes. Sees the moment you lose consciousness, and alarms ring so loud in the distance that he startles. He says your name, over and over again, but you don’t come back. Blood still spills from the wounds on your side, and he can’t even tell if you’re alive anymore.

He should have never gone to see Sara. Fucking hell,

He’d kill her right now, but her cancer might just take care of that for him.

“Y/n, please come back to me,” he cries as he gently pats your cheek, only to leave blood on it.

He didn’t even realize his two hands were covered in blood.

“Fuck, Y/n.” He’s been crying, but your lack of response makes him break, and he shatters like glass hit by a baseball bat.

You’re dying. Hell, you might be dead. If he had run out after you faster, he would have been able to protect you. Would have told you to come back so you can talk. Would have convinced you somehow, even though you seemed so disgusted with him before you left.

He doesn’t quite know when the paramedics reach your side. When they pull him away from you, and he resists, refusing to let you out of his sight. He’s screaming, panicking. He might even have punched someone. But he can’t see you anymore, and there’s an animalistic fear in him at the thought that this might be the last time he ever sees you.

“I need you to calm down,” a police officer says, breaking through his panic. “Just calm down.”

“Let me stay with her.” Jungkook cries, and the police officer pulls him in a hug. 

“We’ll drive you to the hospital.”

“No.” Jungkook pushes him away. “Where is she?”

“They’re going to take her to the hospital.”

“I want to be with her,” Jungkook says, and he’s almost screaming.

A lot of people are watching him – paramedics, police officers, there are even people looking through the windows of their houses where lights have been turned on since he found you lying in a pool of your own blood.

“Let him come,” one of the paramedics says.

Jungkook almost falls in her arms, and she leads him to the ambulance. You’re lying there, and you’re so pale, and Jungkook just stares at you.

Your heart is beating. At least that’s what they say, and Jungkook can’t even fucking blink.

Everything passes in a blur. The ambulance ride. The hospital, with its white walls and pale blue floors. There are neon lights, and then a doctor calmly tells Jungkook that he has to let go of your hand. He can’t – your fingers are cold under his touch, and he’ll punch whoever tries to take you away from him.

“He’s under shock,” someone is saying.

“He might need calming meds.”

“Please, sir,” the doctor says. “We’ll bring her right back to you.”

Dead or alive.

Dead, or fucking alive?

They manage to get him to let go of you.

Jungkook watches them as they push your stretcher away, and then you disappear behind double doors.

And he dies with you.

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........ yeah huh. my most sincere apologies. you're free to scream at me, i deserve it