#jay no

Tim : *browsing the electronics departmet*

Dick : what the hell Tim !? I've been looking for you for over half an hour !

Tim : over half an hour ?? in our local well-known shopping center ?? damn. . . you been awarded a medal yet for that type of investigative work, detective ?

Dick : whatever. just tell me where Dami's at

Tim : over in the produce section last I saw lecturing some timid elderly couple on the proper ways to wash their snap peas

Dick : the proper way ?? what even is the proper way ?? rinse with hot water and your done like there's literally NO other way

Tim : yeah. you would think. however you'd be wrong. you see we're all just a pack of gallivanting barbarians in that brat's mind. just stumbling our way through life. and all he wants is to "save" us

Dick : right . . .

Tim : *glazed eyes darting over the printed features of a laptop*

Dick : completely unrelated, but did you by any chance happen to catch up on any sleep these last couple nights Timmers--?

Tim : OH WOW !! a Samsung touchscreen 2 in 1 notebook ?? sign me RIGHT the fuck on up

Dick : I guess that's a no

Tim : you bet your ass that's a no; who the fuck needs sleep when you can have battery life for up to 14 hours ??

Dick : *tiredly checking the time on his phone*

Dick : I probably already know the answer to this but I'll ask anyway

Tim : go for it

Dick : did you see where the hell Jay ran off to earlier

Tim : Jason ?? yeah he went over to Subway to grab us all some lunch

Dick : he did ?? awwww ! that's so sweet of him to do without even asking 💖 ! you know he seems to really be turning over a new leaf these days 😌 I'm so proud of him

Tim : as long as he remembers to ask for lettuce on my spicy Italian sub then I'll be just as proud of him too

[ Meanwhile ]

Jason : how the fuck can the Subway inside of Wal-Mart be out of lettuce ?????

Jason : *dragging an employee up to eye level over the salad bar*

i have condensed my main takeaways as follows:

sanders has a great accent and the mouthfeel of trying to mimic it is highly satisfying

tim ryan looks like a sad cartoon bear coming to terms with his own mortality

delaney is bad and he should feel bad

[redacted for reasons]

i want elizabeth warren to be president but also if she loses this election she fucking better become a criminal mastermind

klobuchar's politics are terrible but still somehow less terrible than her sentence structure

the main value of hickenlooper is that his presence inspired me to imagine bernie sanders yelling his last name while shaking a fist

After deciding in advance not to do so, I ended up making a whole batch of 2019 X-Men Valentines.

Use at your discretion.