#jawdust

MY SWEET JOAN.

I feel like it’s been forever since we talked but I love your posts and your brainy opinions and your face and your everything. I WISH YOU ALL THE JOY BACK, Well, some of it, I want a bit for myself, I have plans for it. 

Thank you. :D

wHAT

“Oh, look. Come, Castiel, come here. Look at this flower. Do you know what that flower is? This flower…this is love. It’s coming together, slowly but surely. It seems Gabriel has gotten through to our…Messiah.” God wiggles Chuck’s finger, motioning for Castiel to meander in his direction instead of remaining stiff and diligent, overlooking the endless snow. “Our last hope, as it were.”

Of course he did. It’s Gabriel. But that doesn’t put Cas at ease. “Dean knows, now? The way you revealed to Gabriel…and now to me? How to save Sam?

“Oh, I would think so. Gabriel has lost a bit of his whimsy. The weary and heavily burdened are often quite to the point with these things. I would say he has told him. I couldn’t tell you his decision, however. His heart remains closed to me at the present.”

“You could just-"

“I could. But I wouldn’t dare. Love given freely is much more powerful than a love demanded or given out of obligation. He will come to me in time. He will open his heart to me, and only then will we truly understand one another.” Chuck stands from where he has been crouching by his Tree, which is upon a carefully constructed pillar of what appears to be flowing water. “Until then. Should Dean…accept this proposal, will you do it? You’re the only one who can.”

“Ch- Father, surely we could circumvent this easily enough. You’re God. You could simply cast Lucifer from Sam’s body and be done with it.” He asks, voices insistent, perhaps a touch petulant. Things had been that easy once.

Chuck sighs and smiles sadly. “And so you must learn, as all children do. The horrible truth about your parents, the horrible truth about love. We are imperfect. We are flawed, corruptible, damaged. Even God.” He regards Castiel, thinks for a moment, and then speaks again. “I have always had the power to erase Lucifer from existence. I had it then, and I have it now. You must wonder then, why I did not simply end it before it all began. You must understand, Castiel, that I always knew what Lucifer would become. I always knew, and I loved him still.” Chuck confesses and it seems like a great weight from his shoulders is lifted. It is of course. He’s never told anyone this, not in all of Creation. His greatest regret, his single greatest weakness.

“I loved him, when he fell, and I love him now. It is that love that keeps me from simply…doing away with my first born son. But there is more. When Lucifer rebelled, and I arranged the Cage, something else was born. Humans might call it Sin. It does not matter what the name is.” Chuck’s gaze shifted back to the Tree, and his smile faltered, before returning after a pause.

“All that matters is that…the fabric was altered. Polarity was born. And now, it must be maintained. He is as integral to the structure of our world as I am. Lucifer will exist for as long as I do. Free will, Castiel, is a double edged sword. There must always be a choice. There must always be someone to hold me accountable and vice versa. This is not humanity. This is my son. Without the Devil, there can be no God. I have the power yes, to destroy him. But not the will. Not the will, Castiel.” He set a hand lightly on the shoulder of the only remaining Archangel, and his smile – could it be called that anymore? - was one of apology.

It's taken me a long time to like my face. And even now I really wish I had a cuter rounder face a lot of the time.  I'm just not very... girly cute. I guess everyone wants what they don't have.