the image of jace texting zara whenever porter's pissing him off like "he's getting on my nerves again i think you should just start biting me in the teacher's lounge" is so good. and zara (loves seeing porter seething and completely unable to cope because it's funny) is like "whatever you want babygirl <3 wear the slutty shirt i got you tomorrow"
NO LITERALLY Zara is like anything you want babe. Porter this scrawny dyke is mine until you learn how to play nice. She’s not normally so theatrical, being a warlock she prefers to do her work in the shadows etc etc but also part of the unspoken agreement is she’s getting what she wants and what she wants is to top a baby butch so she’s gonna give it her all
When Porter tries to make a fuss about it Jace is like. “It’s her fucking lunch break you freak. You’re the one being weird about this. So the fact that you would even mention it is—“ “[sam Reich Izzy Roland eartubes joke voice] is bigotry????”
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hello janelle zukkacore j2zara, its a long time coming but i would like to be a part of clone enjoyers anonymous bc im v interested in their dynamics and i really like ur drawings of the clones :3
i am however, overwhelmed on where to start learning abt them and i was hoping u could point me to the right direction since i pretty much see u as the president of clone enjoyers thank u so much ily đź’–
HI FRIEND WELCOME TO THE CLONE ENJOYERS!!!!! WE'D LOVE TO HAVE YOU! THIS WAS GETTING WIELDY SO I SPLIT IT INTO TWO PARTS
PART ONE + TWO OF CLONE LORE IS HERE
Part 1 is basics of Clone Lore. Part 2 is me shamlessly reccing my fanfic to understand the context. Tbh I'd start with part 1 first or the doc
I've also compiled Clone Lore into a Google doc: it contains all the information from the first post and this post. I might include elaborations later (i was too exhausted to get fully into LJ3. But i feel bad neglecting it).
Anyway. I'm probably gonna link Clone Primer into my pinned post so that people can come back to it.
And I wanna emphasize. I 100% get how insular this is so if you're confused please feel free to ask!!! I have no problem explaining things. I love to talk. I talk way too much. Ask anyone. b/c like. I feel bad that this is gonna look super intimidating.
SO here's the rest of Clone Primer
PART 3: CLONE PRIMER - ELABORATION ON THE BASICS + WEIRD INSULAR INFO + ME RECAPPING FIC CONCEPT STUFF
[I WOULD SKIP THESE OR COME BACK TO THEM LATER IF YOU WANNA GO INTO THE FICS UNSPOILED BUT IF THE SUMMARY IS SUPPLANTING READING THE FIC GO RIGHT AHEAD]
J2 EDITION (aka ALMOST LORE) - aka "BLUEJAY"
J2's personality originates from I'm Almost Me Again (He's Almost You), and was the first one to be developed
J2 is devoted, sweet, earnest, hard-working, anxious, desperate to prove himself. He can have a slight acidic streak (his favorite way to rebel is smashing Jace's stuff) but is very preoccupied with being useful.
He reads as slightly younger than Jace b/c he's a clone, he basically just started existing yesterday, and I jokingly refer to him as "25 year old green new hire coded jace" (and also as Born Sexy Yesterday Jace) bc rewatching Freshman Year, I was surprised by how young and inexperienced Jace sounded, and I feel like that detail about his character (that imo makes his situation very pitiable) was really lost in translation in Junior Year. Because he is young to the world and kind of naive, he is very easy to impress and exploit
However, he is still clever and good at magic. Simulacra in dnd don't regain spell slots, but J2 was the first clone to figure out that as a sorcerer, he could convert sorcery points into spell slots, extending his utility to Jace and Porter and basically sparing himself from being dispelled.
J2 is initially very anxious about his purpose / survival. As a clone, he knows he has an expiration date and is desperate to make himself invaluable. The sorcery points solution to the spell slots is part of this.
J2's innate talent is part of what caught Porter's eye. He was the first clone to meet Porter, and Porter (and to some degree, Jace too) laud him as basically like. Jace's Precious Last Gift to Porter. He's often seen as remarkable or special, but its ambiguous whether that specialness is about j2 on his own terms or if he is special as a manifestation of jace's talent.
J2 is the one who is the intermediary between Jace, Porter, and the other Clones. He takes on the most responsibility, and interacts the most with Porter. Spending a lot of time with Porter, they two of them became very close
J2 is the one who loves Porter deeply enough to be very committed to The Plan. He thinks Porter is worthy of ascension, godhood, even if it means Porter will eventually leave him.
J2 had a long, deeply committed affair w/ porter that culminated in them sleeping together and J2 taking devil's honey that kinda rewired his brain and fucked him up. J2 was very much in love with Porter until he found out that Porter killed Jace and brought him back to life, but the devils honey tricks him into forgetting that fear.
The lie he told himself on devil's honey is "I want this. I want everything. Porter deserves everything". It basically rewires his brain to convince himself that he wants whatever happens to him, whether it be good or bad. Even if Porter got back together with jace, he would want that too, because Porter deserves everything, right? Everything he wants. Me and Jace. Just jace. Even if J2 becomes a literal or emotional sacrifice for the betterment orf porter or the cause. Whatever it is, i will be happy
Right after this happens, jace calls porter and agrees to enfold back into the Plan, but is not going to get back together w/ Porter. J2's fate is ambiguous, but emotionally, Porter has pretty much cast him aside with the hope that he will get back together with Jace. Also, b/c Jace is back in the picture, his status as the Last Precious Gift from Jace is in jeopardy and he becomes about as disposable as the other clones (however, usually when we clonepost, J2 is still top of the pecking order just below Jace)
POST-ALMOST: as far as Clone Lore goes - J2 tends to live in this state where he doesn't just worship Porter, but what we call the "Starbreaker Pantheon". He reveres the jaceporter relationship b/c he finds it to be profound and meaningful even if it's not always Good. Jace also occupies a spot in his devotion as like. This figure he is deeply envious of and could never measure up to, but also as someone he knows must be worthy of respect b/c that's who Porter wants, right? He wants what Jaceporter has b/c he sees Porter's love for Jace as like, something true and intimate and something he's only ever gotten a sliver of, treated as a replacement. He wants to be Jace, but he also wants Porter to be happy, so if Porter is happy with Jace he can find a way to worship Jace, too.
I ALMOST FORGOT TO MENTION: in Almost, Porter gave J2 the nickname "Bluejay". This is b/c J2's favorite color is blue, which makes him distinct from Jace. He is a very cozy boy who loves cardigans and sweaters and blue nail polish. Yes. Blue Jay is two words. We're gonna breeze past that. J2 fell in love with his new nickname, desperate to see it as a way for Porter to finally recognize him as different from Jace. If you see the clone enjoyers refer to J2 as Bluejay, this is why.
J3 EDITION (aka some Biggest Lie Lore etc)
J2's personality was developed in Almost, and I'd say J3's personality was crystalized in Biggest Lie, but technically J3's personality started as a joke. I said offhand one time in reply to another mutual that in my head, Porter was 100% noncommittally flirting with J3 the entire time he was having this very deep and torrid love affair with J2, and J3 sort of. Became the our beloved little slut as a result of that
J3 is flirtatious, thrillseeking, playful, manipulative, charming, easily bored, fatalistic / borderline parasuicidal, and deeply alientated from his sense of personhood. J2 spent a long time wishing to be loved by Porter on his own terms, as his own person, before finally succumbing. However, J3 is happy (well, convinced himself he happy) to be treated as Jace's cypher.
J3 is often treated as the Most Disposable of the clones. J2 is the intermediary and the Precious Gift. J3 is usually left with grunt work, and anything dangerous is usually foisted upon him to spare J2. He is the one who goes with Porter to cast enlarge-reduce in the woods, and he is the one that used to be spellcaster support for Porter if they ever needed to go anywhere dangerous.
J3 being treated as disposable is why he has no sense of identity or a sense of self preservation, unlike J2. Porter never spends time outside of necessity (until they start screwing. we'll get to that), so nobody has ever really bothered to get to know J3 besides the other clones. J2 is the one that Porter treasures, so J3 views himself as the shield for j3, the disposable one, the one who is likely first to die.
Because of this, he is a thrillseeker, desperate to cram as much living into his short half-life as possible (this includes trying to fuck anyone and everyone in elmville). The experiences do not have to be positive, he wants everything as long as its exciting.
During Almost, J3 and Porter were casually flirting. J3 would die before admitting it, but spending time with Porter was his favorite part of the day. Post Almost, when Jace got folded back into the plan but was not back together with porter, that's when Porter started hooking up with J3. With J3 perfectly willing to let Porter project all his want for jace and frustration at jace onto him because hey, he's getting the porter hookup and not jace, right?
J3 always threads this tenuous line of actively seeking out experiences while also passively being the recipient of other people's fantasies. unlike J2, he embraces being a jace cypher for Porter because that's how he gets porter at his most heightened. J3 often refuses to articulate what he wants, instead letting people do whatever they want to him. He is terrified of being seen as needy, terrified of being rejected for who he is.
At his best he is charismatic and charming, but at his worst he can be dramatic, whiny, desperate for enrichment, actively manipulative and cruel. His best quality and greatest flaw that he inherited from jace and took to the extreme is that he is generous and egoless; as much as he desires to be the center of attention, as much as he can push and push, at the end of the day, he gives people exactly what they need from him at his own expense
J3 rejects the intimacy with Porter that J2 seeks out and can never really achieve because he always falls short of being Jace. J3 convinces himself that he got the best deal out of anyone b/c he doesn't have to deal with the mess of attachment and heartbreak. However, deep down he is deeply jealous of J2 and Jace.
Post-Biggest Lie: Jace and Porter get back together in IYWD, in which Porter drops the clones, including J3. However, in cloneposting, sometimes the clones still have like a weird undefined thing with Porter and Jace for the sake of us having a fun time and fucking around.
BONUS LORE: Not technically canon to Biggest Lie, but J3 is closest to J4 out of everyone in Jaceporter + the clones dynamic. Because J2 is the precious favorite, J3 n J4 developed a weird allyship because they were the matching spares. They are kinda primed to be each other's biggest supporters and biggest weaknesses tbh. J3 provides J4 a spot of actual levity and pleasure in a half-life she otherwise considers to be miserable. J4 recognizes J3's personhood, gives voice to injustices he faces, and likes him for who he is and not who he pretends to me. They are best friends. They flirt. Sometimes they're in love, but like. we'll get to that
J4 EDITION - (aka Electra / Ellie)
J4 doesn't have as much of a... hefty source for characterization. i really hesitate to call things i write a primary source b/c i don't like to claim ownership over the clones it feels weird and wrong for something that is supposed to be fun and is already fanfiction. But i will say the things i write are. Substantial sources if you want clone context bc they're hefty projects lol.
J4 does not have a Porter-centric fic. This may change in the future but, the reason for this is b/c she is the only clone that hates Porter so subjecting her to that is. A much more convoluted task. Closest thing she has is Stay / Leave which is j3/j4 which we sometimes call LJ3 (and the two fics written by iaus!!!! which are fan fucking tastic!)
J4's personality is the result of. Looking at J2 n J3 and going. Ok what is the third point in a data set. If J2 worships Porter, the antithesis is someone who hates Porter, right? (and J3 is a middle ground)
J4 is marginally more loose in her characterization, but I would say she is... Rageful, bitter, driven, rebellious, ruthless, and steadfast in her beliefs, whether they are good or bad. She feels trapped by her circumstances, unlike J2 who has learned to love his gilded cage, and J3 who has accepted his fate and is basically trying to fuck hard until he dies in an explosion. She is determined to carve out her own path and define her own personhood, what we jokingly refer to as her "escaping the narrative"
Unlike J3 who has no problem being a cypher for jace and has completely neglected his own personhood, and J2 who desperately tried to get porter to recognize him for the person he was before succumbing and submitting, willing to be whatever The Plan and Porter needed of him, occupying this weird middle ground, J4 wants nothing to do with jace. She is determined to be her own person. She is disgusted by the limitations placed on her by being "of jace"
You're probably wondering why J4 is a girl. This was a me-headcanon that became fairly mass accepted, but I have joked that J4 is the only clone to achieve transgenderism. I do use she/her pronouns predominantly for J4, but it's mainly out of habit, i also am not super precious about it, nor do i really care what anyone else does with her. I don't necessarily see being a binary trans girl as the only way to interpret her character, but J4 being a girl it is the common way she is perceived at this point this deep into clone lore. As someone who also has a lot of gender feelings, i do see the need to define oneself and create your own identity to be very transgender tho, so i do think it's fitting
More of a fandom joke thing, J4 loves knives. We love when she gets stabby. There are also a lot of jokes abt her stealing jace's credit cards, his SSN, fantasizing abt setting his house on fire
She is preoccupied with the ways in which she might be similar to Porter because she views him as the embodiment of everything she hates, but she is the clone most like him. She is afraid of her own capacity for rage, her instincts for violence, for control, to own, to take, to posses, to dominate. She wants to fight to liberate, for what's right, but she worries her fight is just to be the person holding the boot at someone's throat rather than the person under the boot.
She worries her impotence and rebellion makes her unpalatable and unlovable. Because she can't really make any meaningful change in their circumstances, wouldn't it just be easier to submit? She worries she's denying herself pleasure for nothing. Even if she doesn't have a choice, wouldn't it easier to be submit and be happy, rather than fight and be miserable?
We also joke about Bad Timeline J4, who is equally as cruel and ruthless, but is devoted to Porter. There's no real content abt her, but its just a make believe scenario where she did finally stop fighting and agree to love Porter, in which she is the one most possessive of him, determined to be his attack dog right hand.
As articulated brilliantly by bambi, Jace, j3, and j2 are pretty archetypal charisma casters in that they are charming and make themselves easy to love. J4 wields her personality like a sledgehammer, but that is charisma, too. Her presence is always felt
She was originally very prideful. Determined to be different. Determined to be the one to make it out. Her pride covers up for a deep self hatred, especially as the expiration date of the clones ticks nearer and nearer, and she views herself to be a failure.
Her only soft spots are for the other clones, but especially J3. She pities J2, essentially viewing him as brainwashed into accepting their lot on life, but because of that pity, she does harbor some kindness and tenderness for him because of that. But J3? J4 bets on losing dogs, and she loves her losing dog so much and she would never admit it, but everyone can see it. If it wasn't for him, she probably would have ditched this whole situation.
This is an Esme Special aka @neerdowellnarrator, but J4 b/c she wants to make a point about not being Jase does choose her own name. J4's chosen name is Electra b/c of the greek myth comparisons and her basically Escaping A The Cycle. She goes by "Ellie" for short. J3 sometimes calls her El / Elle. We still refer to her as J4 sometimes for clarity's sake. Whatever stage she is in when it comes to even having a name is very dependent on whoever is depicting her anyway.
PART 4: Wait, so are J3 and J4... In love?
Yeah. it's like a whole Thing. This is a pretty recent development. I'll save it for the doc. To be elaborated on soon, I promise. It's called LJ3, i have a whole tag for it if it grips you.
PART 5: ADDITIONAL SILLY CLONE ENJOYERISMS (with links)
J2Porter Vegas Wedding Roleplay Weekend: a Jess Special! Based on this post! Elaborated on here! Jess aka @hauntedwizardmoment has more thoughts here! But I have a whole tag dedicated to it. Gist is that even after Jace n Porter get back together, Porter still devotes special days to the clones to give them Porter Time, and J2's day is an entire weekend where they booked a hotel in Bastion City. And during that time, they're basically roleplaying "What if we got spontaneous hitched in vegas" where Porter books out the honeymoon sweet, and J2 wears a tacky wedding dress, and the whole weekend is just devoted to treating J2. I'm not kidding, if i think too hard abt j2porter vegas roleplay weekend, I might cry.
Jace put the Clones are in the Torment Nexus: based on a post made by Jess again. Makes me laugh my ass off. If we say the clones are never escaping the torment nexus, this is why
J2Jace Blue Lingerie Gift: Sometimes J2 deserves the niceys, so Jace gives him a treat. NSFT warning lol. The post is a Jess Special / Bambi @iaus / @innskeep Special. I drew J2 something inspired by the getup once.
J2 is goodboy modest tradcath jace / J3 is college casual hookup clubbing era jace / j4 is grunge jace: Just headcanons for the different Jace's style of dress. They're all different eras or common headcanons within the fandom b/c Jace fashions eras. J2 is a bit modest, he likes cardigans and sweaters and for things to be comfortable and oversized (but to be fair, he's not AS modest as goodboy jace. Goodboy ex tradcath jace is the jace backstory for IYWD btw. He's the child of one sol worshiping parent and one galicaean worshiping parent and he is NOT ok). J3 wears a lot of form fitting clubbing outfits and hotpants and shit, Jace's wild child era. J4 wears clothes from grunge jace era which i think is a Jess Special again? Like. Old band tees and flannels and lots of black.
J4 is constantly name dropping obscure alt bands that play tuesday night in the parking lot of the black pit and only watches experimental indie horror movies and foreign war films shot from the perspective of pigeon (said w so much love, that concept fucks)
J2 Amy Dunne / J3 Cool Girl / J4 Gone Girl Amy / Jaceprime Amazing Amy Thesis: An elaboration on Jess's Cool Girl Jace Thesis on which she wrote an awesome fic about.
The Clones are Dykes: This one is old as fuck. I made a joke ages ago abt Dyke!Jace b/c I think Dykefag!Jace / Zara is a cute ship. So if Jace is a dyke, then the clones must also be Dykes. I drew art of them once. Digging up the dyke clones posts would be a trip and they're not really indicative of their current personalities, but if you see us joking about. J2 escaping to another timeline where he is a dyke and in a committed relationship with Zara or Lucilla, that is where that comes from
"Born to Love Porter Cliffbreaker, forced to do weird menial tasks for Jaceprime": another old ass thing i said as a joke before the clones had personalities. But it does have a lot to do with j4's preoccupation w/ free will. And Jace also being remade to love porter. Life is hard when you're born to love someone and you're forced to grade papers instead! It ain't much but it's a half-life! At the same time, me positing the clones all had potential to fall in love with Porter is kinda what brought us here, so.
There's a whole host of greek myth and hadestown references we're always dragging out. Cassankarna is Persephades, Jaceporter is Orphydice. Jaceporter is Persephades, J2 is Eurydice. Jaceporter is Persephades, LJ3 is Orphydice. J2 is Iphigenia, J3 is Helen, J4 is Electra / Cassandra. J2 is also Psyche.
Putting the Clones in Game changer: A comedy au in which the Clones are improv comedians on Dropout.tv. But also it's about LJ3 being a little in love and unable to escape the narrative. Esme made Elliego n J3go which i love (aka bingo cards). Loosely based on the last time i drew Jaceporter on game changer as well
Anyway! Thank you for coming on this long winded journey of Clone Primer! If i have any other thoughts I'll add it to the doc.
jace is a booktok girlie to me. porter however, listens to audiobooks when he works out.
YEAH alright I think I need to recant my stance on “Jace doesn’t read” fjdkkdkd. I guess I should’ve said “I don’t think Jace could run a children’s bookstore”. Jace I could honestly see him being the king of trash and pulp. Like honestly modern booktok isn’t going far enough for him he needs that really outdated bodice ripper shit. Especially if it’s like really anachronistic historical romance.
Porter I see as like. I think he does read sometimes but the audiobook during workouts thing is so real. He listens to a lot of nonfiction. King of owning too many war biographies.
i think putting porter in a timeloop would fix him actually
Jace is stuck in a timeloop bc he’s trying to change the future. Porter is stuck in a timeloop bc he can’t let go of the past. They are not the same!!!
Aguefort heaven is Porter hell aka being stuck in a chronomancy enduced timeloop for personal enrichment
SO glad you clocked j2porter and jaceperegrine parallels. j2 built to endure every terrible thing jace can think of because he's hardwired to like it, actually
I've been in an out of doing errands all day which is why i forgot i never answered this but truly the j2 experience is going through everything jace has ever experienced and then convincing himself its a good thing, actually :) Especially with the whole like i'm trapping you here b/c i can't see anything possibly happen to you i don't know WHAT i would do sob sob. Jace is never escaping the torment nexus. Is this not like the way Porter is with J2 and treating him like Jace's Precious Gift who he won't let do any of the scawwwy things that's stuff that j3 can handle. Stifled, isolated, understimulated, with underutilized potential. But J2 is convinced himself this is good actually :). Anyway. This will be just like Luxury Sex Object Prison.
Also i realized on the other side of that but maybe we already undressed this earlier is househusband Jace having an affair w/ Porter while he's married to peregrine meanwhile. J2 is having his like long torrid relationship with porter and gets cheated on by porter w/. J3.
I think the solution is. We need to find someone that J2 can have an affair with. J2 is way too porter pilled for any of this but its in my heart to find this person well suited that J2 could sneak around with. When this happens it will shake the very tenants of Clone Lore but im ok with this
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what if porter likes the jaceclones bc they dont have enough context to hate him like jaceprime does. he gets a little do-over every time.
STOP THIS IS MAKING ME CRAZY…. Porter saying don’t worry Jace. They don’t matter the way you do. You’re It (you were it pre shatterstar. I want you to be It in post). But he likes the process of winning over each and every jaceclone. So much time is spent on we can never go back. But also. He gets a do over! He gets to feel what it’s like to go back. Not with the Jace that matters, but isn’t he though? He gets a do over. As many do overs as Jace will allow. And jace has to watch knowing someone has the thing that Porter misses about him. He’s angry. So you really did love me as I was. I always wanted to be loved as I am. But if I can’t go back, I’d much rather be loved as I am right now, shatterstar or no.
*tapping on your window* Hi I’m sitting in my car exhausted and about to drive home but I just wanted to let you know Ellie is. In my thoughts. This is a threat. And by that I mean. I am thinking so much about her and what it means to desperately want freedom and fear that if you get it you won’t know what to do next. The goal has been to fight until you die and you didn’t realize it until you got the chance to Live. It’s not that I don’t think she can’t be gentle bc she can be. She does her best to take care of Bluejay she’s kind to J3. It’s that I think when she’s. On her Own. And there’s no one to look after except for herself. And she’s forced to look inwards. She’s terrified there’s nothing there except the parts she desperately fights against becoming. Did she ever actually train her kindness for herself or does it always have to be given to someone else. Did she accidentally train herself for a purpose after all.
Anyways yeah so she’s in my thoughts and will be during my drive home that’s all hope you’re having a good night 💖
HIIII sorry it took me a sec to form coherent sentences and not to lump this in with your tags on my "Ellie was so afraid of becoming Jace she forgot to account for becoming ankarna" post but i also know (think?) that this was sent like RIGHT after that lol.
You've kinda articulated something i didn't really think about which is such a good point in that like. I think despite trying to push for personal autonomy and choice, ellie has sharpened herself into becoming very.... specific, due to her circumstances. She wants the freedom to be small and unextraordinary and messy but she can't afford that, i think she still has to be a tool of war in order to fight at all. idk if that makes any sense. She can't back out of her path—robbed of choice when choice is all she wanted, right? She needs power in order to get anything done and she doesn't particularly want it but it feels good when you have it right? At the very least when you have it nobody else can make you feel small. Maybe that's the Ankarna impulse. To learn about war to save yourself from doom even if it contorts you into something ugly and alienated from who you used to be.
But. What even are Ellie's impulses when the fight is gone. Who is she underneath that. Like. Yeah you're right in that its like the goal is survival for so long that its like who is she when she gets a chance to just LIVE? If you define yourself against something, is that really free will, is that really freedom from the determined path? Is it freedom to be an antithesis to a thesis when you're still defined in opposition to the thesis? Is it fair to have an identity defined by hardship and struggle and opposition, would that make happiness something unfamiliar, not yours? Is it fair to anyone that if you were to get better that would make you stop being you? Like. Something something gilear—there was something about the failure i could take in stride because within it i had some sense of identity or self. Except not a bit. You know what I mean? Or is it all change. Is it unfair even on my part that she had to be defined by like. Misery and the will to fight.
(And i think i do that b/c i like that she's unpalatable, i'm always so so so resistant to impulses to characterize her as secretly soft and maternal and nurturing. But is that fair to keep her all hard edges because maybe she deserves better)
She deserves. so much. She deserves a shitty, unfurnished apartment with a small portable fan and a mattress that's still the floor b/c she still hasn't gotten a bedframe. Maybe a lawn chair and an old tv. She has to start somewhere.
I don't know where the thought of the Ankarna-Ellie stuff came from—i think from working on LJ3Porter, i felt like. I think the reason why Ellie tries to put on a show about caring about other people is b/c she's scared that her real impulses are actually selfish. Power-hungry. Afraid that her objections are not because they've all been wronged, but that she's personally been denied something. That she's not just porter-coded, but she wants to transcend porter. Be even more powerful and frightening than him. Be the thing that He covets (even if he never really saw Ankarna). Jace wants to be at Porters side as equals, J2 wants to be beneath them, and J4 wants to be above even Porter. And. She does care about others its not just an act! But I think she's just. A lot like fig. But Fig's preoccupation is about being afraid of being so so so ontologically evil b/c she's infernal. But yeah. Dedicating themselves to others b/c they're afraid of interrogating themselves, asking themselves who they really are underneath it all.
for a prompt... what about unexplored configuration of j2 and j4 playing nice? maybe j4 helps with something j2's researching? đź‘€
OK so!!! I wrote something, realized the tone went in the complete opposite direction of the prompt, so I essentially wrote a prequel to it instead. I'll give you both as a reblog. Sorry preemptively for the LJ3 agenda even on a j2 + j4 prompt. Like it's my fault.
“I like the name Cassandra.”
J2’s voice is quiet, but it’s unmistakable, the only sound that’s come from either of them after hours of research.
J4 pauses. “Me, too,” she finally admits. She raises her eyebrows at him. “Are you trying to… pitch something to me?”
“No!” says J2, his face scrunching up in a way that is positively adorable. “I just know that finding something that suits you is important to you. I—” He’s wringing his hands, sheepish. “I just thought I’d—”
“I want to choose my name,” says J4, giving him a pointed look.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Bluejay scowls into his drink as he holds his mug close, warming his hands. The sleeves of his cardigan are caught on his thumbs.
A beat. She thinks about the joy radiating off J2 in waves when she first got wind of his new nickname. Bluejay. He was practically glowing.Â
J4 averts her gaze. “Nothing.”
“Well,” says J2 after a minute. “It’ll come to you. Maybe in a way you won’t expect, but—keep an open mind, yeah? And—And when it comes to you, it’ll just feel right. And then…”
His eyes are far away, lost to his thoughts. Gods, he’s a sucker. Whatever treasured memories he has with The Big Guy, J4 doesn’t want to know.
“And then, what?” asks J4.
J2 shrugs, coming back to the present. “And then you’ll know.”
J2’s smile is so kind, so well-meaning, and she loves him, she really does. But based on his wistful expression, she knows what he’s thinking about. She can practically hear the sermon coming on. J4 feels sick to her stomach.
“I have a name,” says J4, more forceful, more crabby than she had wanted. Where is J3’s tact when she needs it?
“You do?”
“I—I’ve been workshopping it,” says J4, and she can feel her face grow hot.
She’s only told one other living soul about it, and it wasn’t J2. She thinks about the smile, the joy, all on her behalf at the news—the way the name, her name, had sounded in his mouth. The way he’d made it his own, and she hadn’t even cared because just hearing it had warmed her all the way down to her toes. Their best kept secret.
I love it. That’s great, El.
You don’t think it's too—
No. It suits you. It’s…
What?
It’s perfect.
J4 ducks her head, certain J2 can see the blush creeping on her cheeks even in the dim light of the desk lamp. “It’s… It’s not ready yet. Besides,” she adds. “I can’t take the name of a goddess. Too much… expectation. I already have to deal with your gods determining my life, I don’t want to throw another in the mix.” She knows she’s being too hard on him. J4 manages a small smile. “But I appreciate you trying.”
J2 is quiet.
“Maybe that’s how we get The Name,” he finally mutters before taking a sip from his mug. She can see his gaze is fixed, staring intently at a pinboard of leads and research he’s haphazardly thrown together. “If there’s a cleric that could recall it through some sort of Divine Intervention, like—”
“What are you talking about?”
“Like that girl!” says J2. “That girl that Kipperlilly is obsessed with. The one that is running for president. She's a cleric of Cassandra. This all happened over spring break. How do you not know this? She talks about it all the time.”
J4 doesn't remember the last time she was asked to watch the Rat Grinders. It’s J3’s turn to babysit the Rat Grinders this week. Actually, it’s been his turn to babysit the Rat Grinders a lot lately. She hardly gets to see him anymore. Last time he saw her, he’d lit up with excitement, despite the ragged exhaustion permeating his frame.Â
“El, thank the gods you’re here. You need to give me a step by step recall on how the hell you get Ruben to shut up about his girlfriend. Teenagers are so funny, they’ll try to hump anything that moves and convince themselves that anyone with the same shit taste in music as them is their goddamn soulmate. Boys especially. They love you today. Tomorrow? Who knows. Oh, and you’ll never guess what Porter said to me today in the woods. Just, don’t tell J2, ok? If he knew The Boss’s Soulmate had tried a line with me, it would break his poor little sappy heart—”
“J4?” asks J2. He clicks his tongue with impatience. “Are you listening to me? I said—”
“I—I don’t know.” says J4 finally—unwilling to admit the way she's holding the sound of her name in his mouth close to her chest. “Guess I haven’t been paying attention.”
And here's the original thing I wrote (It has some petulant J2. And I love when he gets to be a little bitch but also he's being put in the torment nexus so sorry):
“I’ve looked everywhere,” says J2, and at the sound of his huff of frustration, J4 looks up to see J2’s mouth pulled into a deep frown, his brow furrowed. “I’ve scoured every text and scroll and fucking… scrap of paper he’s thrown our way. Become a better translator at ancient Giant than the damn Boss, and—”
“Hey,” says J4.
“There’s nothing! Nothing!” He throws the tome he’d been pouring over onto the table, and it makes a loud thud. “I told him—I begged him to just try Fallinel, but no. There has to be something there, and—and this is more important than his stupid daddy issues!” The hand holding a mug is shaking, and J4 keeps a careful eye on it. She knows he gets smashy when he’s upset—which isn’t often, and normally J4 would receive carefully poised J2’s tantrums with glee, especially when the ire is directed toward his beloved pantheon. But the panic in his voice gives her pause. “If—If we don’t get this, Porter is going to want to take another trip to the Mountains of Chaos, and—”
His face scrunches up, and J4 can see the tears coming from a mile away.
“Hey,” she says again, trying to muster up a more commanding tone so that she can override the panic that’s starting to set in. She hates when Bluejay cries. Out of pity, yes, but also because it makes her feel so helpless. “Blue. Over here.”
Too late. Bluejay is already blubbering, a practical downpour on his red, blotchy face, and J4 can’t help but ache. No matter how much she hates Porter, hates the Plan, hates every minute of research she has to perform to help him achieve his goals. But she's worried if he keeps this up, he's gonna surge so bad that the house will flood.
“And I j-just know if I try to bring up going with Him, I’m just going to get—get shut down ag-gain. I just got him to—to—to agree to let me go with him into-to—into the woods, I can’t also—And J3’s gonna frost me out all week over it when he hears the news because he has to go while I’m stuck here, with you, but it’s not like I asked for this.”
Fuck. She didn’t even think of that. J4’s too preoccupied at the thought of J3 going on a trip into the mountains to even register the derision with which J2 spits out the phrase with you.
Still. She can't imagine how J2 feels. To love someone so profoundly that it plagues you with worry. To want to be by their side just to keep them safe, even at personal risk. If she had a love that strong, maybe she, too, would be sobbing wreck.
J2 is right. J3’s usually so amenable, but she just knows he’s not going to take the news well. She can’t blame him. She’d be pissed too if she was reduced to a living shield for Jace’s Precious Gift. She's already plenty pissed on his behalf. She has no loyalty to Porter’s Plan—she’d love nothing more than for Him to fail to retrieve the name of this supposed Unnamed Goddess so that the ritual can fall to pieces, but J4 is also hyper-aware of her own tenuous claim to life. The clones are only here for as long as they're useful, and if they can’t get that name—
J4 has no love for Porter, not like Bluejay. But she has to do something. Think. What would J3 do?
“You should take a break.”
J2 blinks, his eyes still shiny and wet, but thankfully, it gets him to stop crying. “What?”
“Take a break. You’ll feel better if you come back to it later.” She reaches a hand out cautiously to rest it atop his in what she hopes is a gesture of comfort. As angry as J3 would be about the news, she also knows he’s a sap that can’t help giving people what they need. She's never known anyone could be so greedy—yet so unbelievably generous. It's his best quality. And his greatest flaw.
(Where the fuck is he right now? He should be here, helping them. Porter is still trying to ease his Precious Gift into the responsibilities within the Far Haven Woods, which means that most days, it still falls to J3. And it's dark out, and he's not back yet, and they could still be out there.)
(Or worse. She’s seen the looks Porter has given him when he thinks J2 isn’t looking. The looks J3 has given him back in return. Which isn’t worse than literal danger, she has to remind herself. She hates herself, for that—for thinking that this is worse, even if it was just for a moment.)
“The name isn’t the only thing that matters,” says J4 after a moment. She reaches over to stroke his hair, an unnatural gesture coming from her, but she aches to do something for him. “We can do something else. I—you know how I feel about all this. But I—I don’t like seeing you like this. The way you work, you’re killing yourself over it. It’s not—” She bites back the urge to say, He’s not worth it. “I promise you, Blue. Nothing is worth that—”
J2 opens his mouth, and she can see his expression contort to one of disgust and resolution before she hears the words come out of his mouth: “Fuck you.”
J4 bristles. “Excuse me?”
“Fuck you, El. The name is everything. You of all people should know that.”
A flash of rage, blood roaring in her ears, and before J4 knows it, before she can stop herself, she finds her dagger drawn and sitting pretty at J2’s throat. She snarls at him, pressing the blade ever so slightly into his flesh. “You don’t get to call me that. It doesn’t belong to you.”
“I—I’m sorry,” says J2, his eyes wide. J4 hates the terror embedded in them, hates her contorted expression reflected back at her. “I’m sorry, ok? I didn’t know. No, I—I mean. I didn’t mean it.”
A beat.
Her arm lowers. J4 averts her gaze. “You should go.”
“What?”
“You should turn in. It’s late anyway. I’ll take over from here.”
“But—”
“Go! Before I change my mind. If Jace gives you crap about it, just point him my way.”
J2 nods slowly, getting up from his chair cautiously, not taking his eyes off her. But J4 keeps her word. She lets him go. He pauses in the doorway, turns to look at her. “Thank you.” He squeaks it out hurriedly before scurrying off.
J4 sighs, looking at the surrounding mess. The piles and piles of texts. J2’s stupid conspiracy board. She tries not to think about how fucked she is—how fucked they all are. How she’s committing herself to doing the work of three people.
A name catches J4’s attention on the pinboard. Cassandra. She notices a hastily scribbled note beside it in J2’s tiny handwriting. She leans in to read it. It just says:
4. Gods—can grant True Life? Must investigate further.
She bites back the urge to cry. Instead, J4 grabs J2’s notebook off the desk, resolved to get to work.
Well. Bluejay is right about one thing. The Name is everything.
