#jack studies

in 13x02 when dean walks in on jack stabbing his chest repeatedly, he’s rightly horrified, and this entire situation is because of jack ‘recreating’ his own horrifying moment where miriam stabbed him and nothing happened. to put it shortly, they’re both horrified at the sheer unknown that is jack and his powers. jack says “i can’t control whatever this is. i will hurt someone.” not a threat, but an acknowledgment that he is both dangerous and doesn’t fully understand what he is. then, he says “if you’re right…” and trails off. they both know what it means for dean to be right in the scenario, and he says just that (probably harsher than he should, but) for all intents and purposes, he will take the responsibility of killing jack *if it ever comes to that.* (read: IF ITS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. He Was Not Just Threatening Jack I Promise).

and then there’s everything else that follows. after jack’s first Ever kill in tombstone he says, maybe dean is right, and of course by now dean knows that he isn’t so he says “if you’re a monster [for one mistake] then so are we [for our mistakes].” and dean isn’t the only person to be distrustful and proven wrong—when they call rowena in to help jack’s 'condition' she very bluntly tells sam that, from what she knows of Lucifer, the world would be better off without his son. and what does Jack say? “you might be right.” jack knows very well what the other end of the scale is. the fandom has a tendency to oversimplify a lot of things, often making them static or one dimensional to fit a certain idea. in this case it’s both jack and his dynamics with other people (especially dean, but everybody else counts as well).

even when he’s not being seen as an infantile stage prop, jack still isn’t given much interiority for thought. he’s almost portrayed as blissfully unaware of basically everything, including his status and what it means to others. but the fact is, he knows. after his first kill and unfortunate meet with his father, he knows. maybe jack doesn’t know everything about lucifer’s connections to his immediate circle — ie, does he know that Lucifer burnt rowena alive? left a charred, anguished corpse behind for her to grow back from? that that’s why she was ready to let him die? — but he still understands enough that he doesn’t fault people for feeling certain ways about him; “We’re still trying to figure that out, but I’m trying not to be like him.” I’m probably losing my train of thought but now that I think about it, it’s very interesting to me that jack would say ‘I’m trying not to be like him.” Like, not just ‘I promise I’m not like him.’ Nothing definite, because Jack doesn’t know that he isn’t like Lucifer yet, and he’s plenty of moments to show that he holds a few similarities at best.

but that gets back to my point. this whole ‘will he, won’t he” thing is pretty much the basis of jacks whole character/person, including the dynamics he forms with other characters, and he is extremely aware of it at all times. he’s not a helpless victim of random bullying. the very reason he acts the way he does is specifically because of the fact that he holds so much potential as a threat, and actively works against it.

when jack is dying, dean can’t stand to be in the same room as him. after nearly two years of officiating jack as their family, he still hasn’t forgiven himself for his mistreatment, and now he thinks he’ll never have a chance to really make things right. when they’re fishing, jack says he’d miss having more time with dean, and dean says “who knew hanging out with me [of all people] would make you sentimental.” it’s very clear that dean doesn’t think he deserves this kind of connection or high value from somebody he treated so poorly over something he was wrong about. and I don’t think it’s by chance that this episode is flashed through deans head in the graveyard during 14x20, because what does jack say while he waits patiently to die? “You were right all along.”

It’s soul-crushing. The fact that it still hangs over their heads two years later after making peace with it, and it will continue hanging over their heads after they make peace again. The fact of the matter is, Dean does not want to be right anymore. He was proved wrong and he was grateful to be wrong, because he does indeed love Jack as a son and a friend. Likewise, Jack loves dean as both a friend and father figure, he loves sam and Cas, he regards all of them as his true/chosen family. He doesn’t want Dean to be right either. So much of the things his hallucinations mock the attachment he has to his family and home and the role he wants to upkeep within it, and how he cannot have it anymore because of Mary’s death; or, because Dean was right, and he is the monster they always thought he was. All the guilt and attachment he feels is “just a sneeze,” and this is who he really is.

as of right now, they need more time. BUT! dean’s and jack’s arc together is fantastic, i love THEM! dean has never lied to jack! and while that can be blunt at times, it has led to such a strong foundation for them and their relationship for the future! dean talking to jack after his bad dream is so lovely <3

sam’s forced positivity and repression of his own feeling in the early parts of the season was a bit frustrating, especially when it led to him not being fully honest with jack about what he wanted from him. the “training” earlier on felt messed up bc of this. but im glad he was able to open up by the end once jack was gone for a bit so that sam really felt jack’s absence, and finally calling jack family by the end of the season.

i find it very telling that dean was able to vocalize that jack is family first before sam! in episode 9! dean’s big heart & the strong mama instinct pattern continues! i really like dean choosing jack in the end, he rarely gets to choose something like this.

cas is the protector dad, who tries to keep jack safe (maybe too safe lol, he seems like a coddler). dean is the looking up-to dad, the one who jack wants to be, and connects with each other on a similar DEEP level with true honesty (and it can be blunt). sam is the teacher dad, he tries hard to understand and to be kind (even if it can be too much and isn't always coming off as entirely honest at first)

and lets not forget my girl mary! as the mom, she's the one jack has gotten to spend the most time with, her opinions have the most validity and they share war traumaaaaa. he connects to her the way he never got to with kelly, someone who will side with him and his well-being. she worries so much <3

worry-sport mom lol, having a tough exterior with a soft inside. mary dean jack are kin like that lol, love that

#forever fascinated how jack's golden eyes are never lit from WITHIN

and how the eyes are considered "the window to the soul" and how the pupil is what allows light in, an entry point, a doorway into the soul.

for jack, when he uses his powers, his retinas turn gold. the retina is the "colored" part of the eye. to me that's the part that like, acts as a personal identifier. people have green eyes, brown eyes, blue eyes. they associate themselves, their identity with that part. jack has gold eyes when powered up. this is showing his powers as an intrinsic part of him, like eye color.

I'm done being special.

and like obviously the fact that he’s okay with dying doesn’t make it better or right or okay on its own, but the fandom has a tendency to act like jack didn’t make any choice at all and that dean is the sole perpetrator forcing him to get on the ground like a bank robbery. dean is actively shocked at him surrendering! and frankly their whole dynamic gets skewed by the infantilized version of jack in everyone’s head because it removes almost all of their mutual understanding and the whole element of TFW being the only viable damage control to an otherwise uncontrollable unstoppable sometimes-unstable cosmic force. dean feels responsible for everything jack did because he went against hunter instinct, “pretended the bad thing isn’t so bad” and wound up causing more damage.

likewise jack has spent literally his entire life knowing that he’s capable of immense harm and terrified that he (1) might hurt or even kill TFW, who he personally sees as all he has in the world and cares about specifically because of everything they’ve done for him (as he tells Dumah). after so much effort spent in proving he’s both good and safe and can even be a protector, something that very heavily rests on jacks personal loyalty and choice in using his power and the trust that he won’t use it against them (think abt the “but i would never hurt them” line), what he did to Mary explicitly broke that trust even though it wasn’t intentional, and what he did to Dumah’s targets furthered that distrust even though it was manipulation. I’m also always saying that literally every dynamic jack has with another character is informed by his power before his person, which i also read as implicitly canon considering he’s shown in Absence to be insecure about whether or not he’s actually loved and wanted for himself or because he’s “the muscle” ; a “pet monster” and even going back to Asmodeus and the whole ‘inter-dimensional can opener’ thing.

like even in Moriah it’s like, dean agrees to sacrifice himself to kill jack because he still feels personally responsible for him and what he wound up becoming. jack agrees to be killed because he knows he’s both uncontainable and personally responsible, already gave up on being save before he even killed mary. and the whole “you were right all along” line is the basis of this. dean realizing he was wrong at the start is what causes the guilt that later drives him to aim the equalizer at jack. it’s also why he chooses not to shoot, literally defying god because all of his good memories with jack were enough for him to say that’s still him and he’s still worth saving no matter how much it’ll hurt to move on.

and remember what sam said, they fell for jack because he was a good kid with a good heart until he wasn’t, and the sacrifice that destroyed jacks soul was for them, so it’s something they both feel responsible for. dean just shoulders it more because he’s dean and because, grim as it is, he had the chance to snuff out the problem early and didn’t take it. even jack felt like he should’ve taken that chance, in 13x02 when he blatantly says “Dean wants to kill me and maybe he should.”