#jaalis

Talis does not react well to her second ‘death’. This manifests more in a way that she tends to be more self-destructive and rationalizes if away as that ‘well if I get really hurt, SAM will just bring me back anyway’ and uses it as an excuse to be a complete daredevil in firefights because she’s finding new limits to push herself to. This is admittedly not healthy for anyone, but Jaal starts picking up on these subtle changes until the changes aren’t so subtle anymore. Instead of being in awe of Talis, he’s more afraid for her.

No one wants to be on the other end of that. Talis isn’t the same person as much anymore, but to some extent he can tell it’s not completely solidified. Like in some moments, it flickers out enough that if you look right, you can still see she’s terrified and unsure of herself. Jaal’s patience and understanding is deep, which is why he figures there’s more to these changes before he does or says anything at first. And once he puts two and three together, particularly after a bad fight where Cora had to relocate Talis’ shoulder in the field, he confronts her. Well, gently at least.

Talis of course, doesn’t really understand why he’s so upset. She refuses to hold back anymore, on her biotics, with leadership, with anything in her life. Why be careful when it doesn’t matter as much anymore?

They’re two sides of the same coin. They’ve lost people close to them before and still carry the scars of those losses. In Talis, it just manifests as ‘what else do I have to lose?’, whereas in Jaal it manifests in, ‘I refuse to lose anyone else’. And he tells her that. That getting herself killed again (permnanently or not), wasn’t going to bring her parents back. It wasn’t going to change the last year at this point. She couldn’t change the past, but her future didn’t have to look so bleak.

She’s still human after all.

There’s always some hope there. Even if it doesn’t change anything, it was important that she held onto it.

That and he was scared as shit when she went down. That was what he wanted to get across more than anything. He loves her more than he reasonably knows what to do with, and having to grapple with those thirty seconds everyday from here on out is nothing short of excruciating. There was nothing he could do, he was so powerless in the moment, having to rely on SAM to bring her back. The fact Talis had gotten up and brushed it off didn’t matter but he held back because she didn’t want to talk about it. But he did. Expressing he was so worried and barely holding it in at the time…that is what was driving him up the metaphorical wall.

He hugs her so incredibly tight at the end of this conversation. He doesn’t want to let her go. Not again. And Talis holds on just as tight.

And that end, Talis doesn’t quite relent. Especially after SAM is forcefully ripped away from her as a third ‘death’. That perhaps puts some of that fear back in her — or perhaps it doesn’t. I won’t say her relationship with Jaal fixes her outlook completely, but it does recalibrate the way she handles things. That just because SAM could bring her back, doesn’t mean he should. And just because her father valued perfection over all else, doesn’t mean she can’t still pull back and be careful. There’s always tomorrow. And tomorrow can be beautiful.