My ex boyfriend, the one in which we called each other soul mates and had names for our future children, is dead. There were a lot of scary issues in our relationship. I was traumatized by how badly it hurt when it ended. Not when it actually ended, but when what happened to end it happened. But I still loved him with every fiber of my heart.
J1nx is the first name I knew him as, but not what I called him. He was always Jinxy. And...
JINXY IS ALL THAT IS MAN!!
I said this to him all the time. When I finally explained to him what I mean by it his eyes lit up and he was speechless. He was the kind of man who helped a homeless woman up when everyone else in the train station walked by her. He was the kind of man who, when others were in need of protection on the train, made it to his feet before I could. He fought for what he believed in- people loving each other and respecting one another until the day he died.
When I found out he had something wrong with his heart he made me swear up and down to not tell anyone. He didn't want anyone to worry about him. He was selfless. He knew he needed to save up for surgery but still donated his hard earned money to those in need. He was generous.
A lot of our conversations involved #NightCr3w. That was our family. It was where we met. It was home. It wasn't until just now I realized that I've been so depressed because in all the traveling I've been doing the only home I had was with them. And I felt like I had been kicked out of home. Jinx never wanted to show me off or brag to his own family when we were together. He did that with Nightcr3w. We were his family.
Our family had a lot of issues. We fought. There was drama. Rumors spread. Jinx was devastated when these issues started tearing us apart. He was always the first to try to welcome someone. He worked to make people feel like they belong. He was dedicated to his family. He loved them all very dearly.
While he was with me during an event he would be all over the stream talking about burning cops. He liked to talk about burning things. It always made me laugh. He put his life in danger to help others. He wasn't the type that could ever purposely hurt someone. And I know now he would apologize to the end of the world if he knew how badly he hurt me.
And our relationship ending had a really bad negative affect on our family. I am so sorry.
It took a death in our family to come back together. We put all the drama away. We are in mourning, and we need each other. Knowing how much NightCr3w meant to Jinx, and knowing how badly he wanted us all to get along again, has made me realize how beautiful today was too. The only one thing he ever spoke about surely, that he knew he wanted as a goal- was to bring people together. To make people happy, and welcomed.
I know seeing us all together again today would have made him so happy. He loved us all so much. He was our Russian. He was our Jinx. And we will miss him dearly.
