#j*****

I hate her for stealing you from me, but you were never mine if all she had to do was make you pick. It was so easy. She was right there and here I am 15 hours away crying. I fell for your words, it’s always the words. You talked to me and I felt myself connect in a way ive never felt. Your words breathed life into me and I felt whole. Your sweet words tricked me so innocently so vile. The one person who I could talk to freely too, we talked for hours on end for days and we could have gone on. But everything good must come to an end must it not? Everything about you is intoxicating. And I just couldn’t hold up to warm flesh ripe for your hands to dig into. Watch me cry and feel nothing but pity while she looks at you with a distance you acknowledged and you did nothing about. I gave you a chance I selfishly asked ‘are you sure’ you responded in a way that made it clear you knew what you were doing. As I read the words a sinking feeling filled me, a dread I knew so well and never wanted to feel again, filled me as a reread and reread and felt something inside me break. It wasn’t about me, the words I cherished so didn’t fit me. I texted you out of pure panic saying it’s alright you should’ve told me. You DIDNT DENY IT. You simply said I was scared to. I felt everything leave my body. We weren’t togther. But you had my heart and we had an agreement. How dare you? I now know what she felt like seeing my words sprawled across the screen. I may have payed for my sins but god saw it fit to throw my actions back in my face years later. I deserve this all of it.