#itsstillyou

When he saw Taako get on the train in all of his long blonde, wizardly glory, it was shocking for the young boy.  This man was dressed in feminine clothing, had a very high pitched voice, and was almost certainly mistaken for a woman all the time, yet he had such an air of confidence about him that people were staring at him in a different way than they looked at Angus - in awe.  Something was fishy about the three travelers, but Angus found himself wanting to speak with the man if only to confirm his suspicions that he was just like him. They approached him first, trying to act discreet about what was obviously supposed to be an undercover mission but they were failing horribly.

The mystery of the train prevented him from asking Taako outright, but he knew, if only in the way he carried himself.  There was the confidence, the suave nature, and the natural charm, but there was also the quiet self doubt, the mind that was thinking five steps ahead of his companions, and the hesitation every time he spoke.  Angus had known Taako for only a few hours, but he already knew with 100% certainty that Taako was just as trans as him.

Angus’s decision to join the Bureau of Balance was spurred by multiple instances.  Of course there was his investigation into the disappearances, but if he hadn’t been told that the trio he had met on the Rockport Limited were part of the B.o.B. he probably wouldn’t have seriously considered it.  In fact, he most likely would have refused due to not wanting it to be a conflict of interest that could harm his detective work. But here he is. Since joining the Bureau, he had felt safer and more at home than anywhere else in the world.  No one ever stared at him, no one gave his feminine pitch any second thoughts, no one even winced when we offhandedly mentioned that he had been having really bad cramps recently. Lucretia had actually given him some medicinal plants she said she had used for cramps when she was his age.  It was treated scientifically instead of him feeling like a freak. This place felt like home.

When the boys were on their mission to Lucas’ lab, he had never felt so anxious in all his life.  He didn’t really know the trio all that well, and all they had done when knowing him was tease and bully him, but something in the way they teased and bullied was nice, almost familial in a way. Taako was the biggest culprit of the family-type teasing. His goofs never seemed to be intentionally harmful in a permanent way, they were always harmful in a goofy dad type of way, and he knew none of them would ever say anything that would actually hurt Angus.  But having those three go completely off the grid for so long had Angus panicking. Lucretia was with him, but she was on edge and seemed horrifically close to breaking down, which only served to further Angus’ anxiety, because if the Director was nervous for the three men she barely knew, he knew something must truly be wrong.  When their voices finally came back, Angus could see the tension leave her body and he could feel his anxiety melt away. He had known these men for such a short time, and yet they had caused him a great deal of stress.

Their story was one of epic proportions.  He couldn’t understand most of it outright, but he saw flashes of what he needed most.  He saw Taako and his twin sister, Lup, laughing side by side. His sister was like him too, but she, like Taako, was more confident in herself than Angus had ever see anyone be.  Angus saw them fighting back to back, kicking ass and taking names. He saw Lup launch a volley of fire at boards high in the sky. He saw Lup become a lich in front of her brother’s eyes, and only saw the terror and worry in Taako’s eyes for a split second.  He saw Taako and Lup and then he saw himself in the two of them. He saw how similar they truly were, and he finally, finally saw that he was nothing to be ashamed of. Despite what his parents thought, despite what his family thought, despite what the world may think of him, he was special and he wouldn’t stand for anyone to look down on him again.

After the Day of Story and Song, Angus had to figure out where to go.  He had no home aside from the B.o.B. and Lucretia had disbanded it promptly following the defeat of the Hunger.  It had been the closest thing Angus had ever had to a real family and now it was gone, just like that. But he still had them.  He knew they still loved him, no matter how far apart they got. When he told the main trio that he had no idea where to go, Magnus immediately offered for Angus to live with him for a while, until he found his family.

“Oh no sir, my family is dead, they have been for a long time,” Angus said.

“What about the grandpa you were headed to back on the Rockport Limited?” Taako said, cocking his head to the side.

“That was a clever ruse on my part so no one would question why a little boy was travelling alone!”

“So you’re all alone then?” Kravitz said.

“Yeah, but I’m used to it!  I’ve been alone for a long time!”

“Well you’re coming with us,” Taako said, arms crossed over his chest, “I can’t be held responsible for teaching you magic and then having you go off and go nuts with it!  That would be irresponsible. Kravitz, let’s find a home for 3, got it big guy?” At the proposition of living with Taako, Kravitz’s dark skin grew red, but he grinned and nodded all the same.

“If you ever need a break from those two,” Magnus said, “call me.”  Angus just smiled a soft smile, one that didn’t show just how shocked and happy he was that Taako of all people was taking him in.  He couldn’t wait for his new life to start.

Taako and Kravitz spent a long time looking for a place.  During this time, the three of them stayed at various inns and hotels where many people refused to accept Taako’s money because they all knew who he was.  On the surface, Taako took it with grace and thanked them, but he would always leave the proper amount of gold on one of the beds when he thought Angus and Kravitz weren’t looking.  When they finally did settle down, Kravitz and Taako had found a home that was far too big for just the three of them, but was big enough to fit the whole IPRE crew. When Kravitz and Taako had been talking with the realtor, she mentioned that the house had belonged to a wealthy couple that had been a part of the massive casualties of the Hunger.  Both Taako and Kravitz were sympathetic, but the realtor assured them that the couple ‘had it coming’. At that phrase, a moment of disbelief and confusion crossed Taako’s face, but he remained poised and collected, he did love the mansion after all and the massive kitchen it had in it. They sealed the deal and moved in as soon as they could. Angus got a huge room all to himself with his own bathroom even.  Taako and Kravitz shared the master bedroom of course, and they had 5 vacant rooms for when the IPRE visited and bathrooms attached to each one.

For Angus, the home felt eerily familiar.  He found himself trying to walk quietly, peeking around corners before walking around them, and trying to make himself as small as possible.  Whenever Taako or Kravitz noticed, Angus would apologize and shake his head, unsure of the reason why he was so jumpy in the home. Naturally, he had to investigate.  He went to the neighbors to ask about the previous owners, and the elderly woman had said they were a black couple with no children and a large family that lived elsewhere that would visit during the holidays.  She had also told him that they had once had a young girl around the manor that looked very much like him, but the girl had died a long time before the Hunger came. Angus delved deeper into the history of the house and even contacted the local sheriff to get more information.  All the sheriff would tell him was that he had gotten many noise complaints over the years about the couple yelling so loud the neighbors could hear. Still, Angus’ curiosity wasn’t satisfied. One morning, he was going over his notes before Kravitz was ready to teleport him to school when Taako came and dropped off his breakfast.

“Whatcha got there Ango?” he said.

“Just some notes on a mystery I’ve needed to solve.  I want to know who used to live here!”

At that, Taako’s eyes grew slightly bigger for a split second before he blinked and looked away.  “You don’t remember?”

“Huh?”

Taako sighed and set down the pan he’s been serving breakfast from.  “Angus, shit, let me get Krav in here, I’m not good at this shit.” As if by magic, Kravitz walked through the dining room door.

“Hey kid, ready for school yet?”

“Krav, we gotta talk,” Taako said with a grimace.  Immediately, Kravitz looked concerned, but he regained his composure and smoothed his shirt down.  Taako sat across from Angus while Kravitz pulled up a chair next to him.

“We thought you knew, but didn’t want to talk about it.  Fuck, dude, I can’t do feelings and shit like that.”

“What Taako means to say,” Kravitz said, shooting a light glare Taako’s way, “is that we didn’t want to pressure you into talking about something you don’t want to talk about.”

“What?” Angus said.

“Look, Angus, this house belonged to a couple called the McDonalds.”  And, just like that, all of the memories he had blocked out for years came rushing back.

“I can’t believe you don’t remember that, you grew up here,” Kravitz said, reaching out towards him.  As if Kravitz was throwing a flame at him, Angus flinched backwards and sat up a little straighter. Kravitz retracted his hand, but a look of concern was plastered on his face.  It was as if he had a permanent scowl now.

Taako opened his mouth, Angus knew he was saying something to him, but none of the words were actually entering his brain.  He was watching his memories come flooding back almost like nightmare. His mom walking with him through a dress shop when he was maybe 3 years old, making him try on frilly dress after frilly dress.  He came out in one with a frown on his face and he pointed at the suits asking his mom why he couldn’t wear pants because pants would be easier to play in. He heard his mom telling him that ladies don’t wear pants to formal events.  He asked why. His mother smacked his mouth. He saw his father tearing apart a drawing Angus had done of himself in pants instead of a dress when he was 5. He had drawn it because he knew pants were more comfortable. He wasn’t allowed to wear pants from then on.  His father had made him turn around and Angus was spanked for his actions. Angus saw himself in a frilly white and pink dress with long, fluffy curled hair when he was 8. He saw his mom applying light makeup to his face. He saw himself get grabbed by a man at the party and dragged away by his hair before he was luckily seen by a butler. He saw himself, that same day, with a knife cutting his hair in the bathroom as short as he could manage so no one could grab it again. He saw his mother and father screaming at him, calling him a lady, and telling him that ladies couldn’t have short hair.  He saw himself bruised.

“Angus?” Kravitz said. Angus blinked, realizing with a start that his face was wet and he was holding his breath. He let it out in a blubbering sigh as Kravitz scooped him into a hug with no warning. Taako was there soon too, hugging him and holding his hand so tightly that he almost couldn’t breathe.  Taako was muttering things, thing Angus knew he said to Lup when she called in a panic because she had woken up in darkness from a nightmare about black curtains, things that were somehow grounding him in the current reality. When he finally stopped sobbing, Kravitz’s shirt was wet from his tears and there was a mark on Taako’s hand where he had been squeezing it.

“Can you tell us what’s happening now Angus?” Kravitz said, patient as ever.  Angus only nodded slowly, as if he was only just now truly absorbing all the shit he had been through.

“My parents, the McDonalds, were…” he paused “they were…horrible.  They-they hit me and called me a lady and hit me whenever I didn’t act like one. I ran away when I was 10 and started doing detective work because I had always been curious. I cut my hair. I’m a boy. Not a girl. I was never a girl, but they called me a girl.” Taako’s fist clenched and Angus could see the rage building in his eyes, but his face remained neutral.  Kravitz, however, was looking at him with sympathy and love. Anger was there, it was definitely there, but Kravitz was much better at masking his emotions than Taako had ever been.

“They aren’t here to hurt you anymore.  We will move too, so you don’t have to live where they were.  You will never have to think of them again, okay?”

“I don’t want to move.  I want to live here with you two and Magnus and Merle and Lup and Barry and everyone.  You guys loved me when I needed it, even though I didn’t really get why at the time.” Angus wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his jacket and sniffled a little.  He nodded, mostly to himself, and reached out to hug Taako and Kravitz as best he could with his small arms. They responded instantaneously and wrapped their arms around him securely.

“They aren’t my family anymore,” he whispered.

“Yeah, fuck those fuckers, we are your dads now, shit lil dude, you’re fuckin adopted,” Taako said.  His voice was final as he spoke with no uncertainty in his voice. Kravitz only laughed and squeezed the two of them tighter.  Angus breathed for a moment, afraid, but happy, and for the first time in his whole life, he knew he truly had a family that loved and accepted him for who he was.

Life continued as normal after that day.  Taako insisted that Angus see someone and talk about 'the bullshit he went through’ as he had put it, and it seemed to help Angus a lot.  He was able to talk about everything to a total stranger. Sometimes Taako and Kravitz would come and listen whenever Angus felt comfortable letting them in.  Truth be told, Angus was comfortable with them from the beginning, but Taako was insistent that the first few sessions be his and his alone. He got happier and felt safer than he ever had before, and he continued learning magic at Lucas’ school.  Taako teased him endlessly about attending his rival’s school instead of his own father’s, but the teasing was always light hearted. Lup and Barry built a small home attached to the mansion the three of them lived in, so they were there frequently.  No one outright told Angus why, but he assumed that it was because of the nightmares and the fact that being separated stressed them both out. The rest of the IPRE and the BoB came for holidays and the anniversary of the Day of Story and Song to celebrate and to confirm that they were all still alive and okay.  Angus thrived in his home with his family and friends that he had grown to love more than anything in the world. Angus was truly and completely happy.

What Angus didn’t know, however, was that the day after he had told Taako and Kravitz his life story, the two of them plus Lup and Barry had gone to the Raven Queen and asked to see Mr. and Mrs. McDonald.  All knowing as she is, the Raven Queen summoned the souls from the lake without question and watched as Kravitz yelled louder than he ever had. He told the McDonalds that Angus was never their son, that his son was going to be happy and that they would never get the chance to see him succeed and be happy.  They had tried to tell Kravitz that they only had a daughter, but Lup had cast a fireball that left their spirits extinguished forever.  She had gotten a slap on the wrist from the Raven Queen for that one, obliterating souls was very against the laws of nature, but nothing more.  They were, after all, horrible people to her grandson.

Lucretia playlist:

Sick of Losing Soulmates ~ Dodie

I’m Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance with You~ Black Kids

Who Are You, Really? ~ Mikky Ekko

Mind Eraser ~ The Black Keys

Blue Lips ~ Regina Spektor

Short Skirt / Long Jacket ~ Cake

Rebel Girl ~ Bikini Kill

Some Nights ~ fun.

Writer In The Dark ~ Lorde

100 Years ~ Florence + The Machine

Little Lion Man ~ Mumford & Sons

White Winter Hymnal ~ Fleet Foxes

She’s Not There ~ The Zombies

Why Didn’t You Stop Me? ~ Mitski

Addict With a Pen ~ Twenty One Pilots

The Chain ~ Fleetwood Mac

Heroes ~ David Bowie

Twins Size Mattress ~ The Front Bottoms

Taakitz playlist:

My Boy Builds Coffins ~ Florence + The Machine

This Must Be The Place ~ Talking Heads

Nearly Witches [Ever Since We Met] ~ Panic! At The Disco

Dearest ~ Buddy Holly

Sweet Creature ~ Harry Styles

Sweater Weather ~ The Neighbourhood

Take Me to Church ~ Hozier

Baby You’re a Haunted House ~ Gerard Way

Don’t Look Back In Anger ~ Oasis

NFWMB ~ Hozier

I Bet on Losing Dogs ~ Mitski

John My Beloved ~ Sufjan Stevens