#itssierrastyles

It was now month seven without Kasey and I was near the point of insanity. The tour would be over within a few weeks and I'd have nothing to distract me from the growing hole in my heart. Going on stage and singing nightly was the only things keeping me away from dark thoughts and standstill mind.

I remember the first night I spent away from Kasey. The day we landed in Chicago I locked myself in my hotel room until it was time to go to the arena, in which we would perform at that night. I went about my own business, sang my lyrics, strummed the strings on my guitar, and talked up the crowd as much as I could muster. As soon as the show ended, I left to go to the bar, where I drank myself away, wallowing in self pity. I drank until my mind was fuzzy and discombobulated before I stumbled into a taxi and back to my hotel room.

The event repeated itself for several weeks, that is, until the alcohol couldn't suppress the memories. My name was plastered onto every social media site, claiming that I was on a downward spiral; that the fame was getting the most of me. If only they knew the whole story.

There was knock on my hotel room door, we were carrying out the last of our tour in Miami, Florida. "It's open." I hollered, gazing out at the beach view. Ashton opened the door, taking seat beside me.

"What's been going on with you lately, Luke?" He rested his elbows on his thighs, leaning closer to me. "This isn't you." He motioned to the half drank bottle of vodka on the edge of the table, just a foot away from me.

"It's nothing to worry about, I promise." Shrugging and reaching out for the bottle. Ashton was quick to swipe it away, a concerned gleam in his eye.

"I know that this isn't because 'fame' is getting to you, like the bullshit paparazzi are saying. So why don't you tell me what's really bothering you." He leaned back in his chair, never taking his eyes off of me; observing my every movement. "I'm not leaving until you speak."

"Fine." I mumbled. My words were no longer slurred, seeing as my body had become accustomed to the alcohol constantly seeping through my veins. "Remember back in Boston, about seven months ago, when I left the club early?"

Ashton nodded, listening intensely. "I.. I met this girl, back at the hotel. She was beautiful; god she was absolutely stunning."

"Tell me, what did you do with this girl?" His knuckles brushed against his jawline, the unshaven scruff scratching against his skin. A smirk on his face.

"Her name was Kasey, she had long brown hair, these sharp brown eyes. Her dimples, they were so prominent on her face, even when she wasn't smiling. She.. she was just beautiful." I went off on a tangent about her, to show to Ashton she more than just some girl. She could stand out in any crowd, at least to me.

"Okay, lover boy, you didn't answer my question." Ashton chuckled, clearly not understanding the severity of the situation.

"We had sex." I stated as blunt as possible. "On several occasions. I mean, it was a one night stand but then it turned into a no-strings-attached for the week we were in the same city."

"Little Luke finally putting himself out there, good for you." He gave me a slap on the shoulder.

"No, you don't get it." I sighed, wishing he hadn't bothered me to dig up something that happened over half a year ago. "I..uhm.. I fell in love with her, Ash. Believe it or not but it only took me a week to realize I was serious about Kasey."

"Why aren't you with her then?" He appeared to be in a complete conundrum.

"She has a boyfriend, and well.." I trailed off, my heart aching at the memory of Kasey visiting me in my hotel room before she left.

"Luke, what is it?" he shifted his position closer to me. "You know you can tell me anything, I'm like your big brother."

"She's.. she's pregnant." I stuttered, finally saying those words out loud. "She's pregnant with my baby. Ash, I'm only eighteen, touring around the world, a punk compared to her professional life style."

"Don't think like that." He comforted me, putting his arm around my shoulder and shaking me a little. "Go to her, confess to her. Who gives a shit about her boyfriend or what she's chosen to do. You need to get this off your chest, or else you'll spin completely out of control. And man, you got too much love and talent to drown your life in a bottle of vodka."

"You're right." I sighed, more or less of relief.

      *      *      *

I stood in the lobby of her apartment building, pacing back and forth debating what to say to her. It'd been seven months and two weeks since I'd seen Kasey, that I'd been informed I'd be a father.

Get yourself together, Luke. Knock on her door and confess your love to her. You've seen her naked, what's exchanging few words? I lectured myself in my head. It shouldn't be this difficult; I mean it shouldn't be hard to talk to the one you love, right?

My fists rubbed my eyes roughly before threading behind my head. I shut my eyes momentarily, to prepare myself for the moment that'd been haunting me since the moment she left. It was now or never.

I made my way up the elevator and down the hallway to her apartment. It was now that I was the most grateful, when Kasey informed me of where she lived, for that I was now able to get to the bottom of this.

My knuckles came in contact with the door, 345B. The noise echoed through the dark maroon hallways as I awaited someone to answer the door. Would it be Kasey? Would it be her dreadful boyfriend, Daniel? Would Kasey still be pregnant, or was she even pregnant at all? The repeated questions I'd been toying with in my mind for months on end were about to come to a resolution. Quite honestly, I felt as if I was going to be sick.

My heart nearly stopped when the doorknob began to shift back and forth. The door opened, ever so slowly, though that may have been my recent life flashing before my eyes. It didn't hit me until I realized that I didn't recognize who was behind the door.

"Can I help you?" A women, much shorter than Kasey, leaned against the doorframe. She stared at me intensely, her eyes a similar shade to my love's, with hair of similar color yet several inches shorter. Her stomach was as flat as a board and she was dressed in shorts and a tank top, as if she was about to go to the gym. 

"I was... I was looking for Kasey?" I said softly, my confidence plummeting.

"Kasey isn't here right now. It'd be best if you left." Her arms were crossed against her chest, as she bit down on the inside of her cheek. She was intimidating to say the least, regardless of how much taller I was compared to her.

"Could you at least tell her I was here?" I muttered in defeat. I knew this would be a possibly, that I wouldn’t find Kasey, but it was a harsh reality I wish I hadn’t come to know. The woman’s eyes narrowed at me, taking her weight off of the doorframe and standing straight up.

"No way in hell would I do that." She bit back with a tone that felt like a punch to the gut. "After you sabotage her relationship with a good, stable guy. After you screw her, knock her up, and then don’t contact her for months. You can’t possibly expect me to inform her that you, the one who destroyed her life, came by for a visit."

"For the record," I began, pausing a moment to see if she’d take a swing at me. "She told me, she’d call me. I waited like I assumed she wanted me to. But it got to a point where—"

"Leave." She pointed down the hallways. "Get out. I don’t want to see you here ever a—"

"Angie, stop." A soft voice peeped behind the door. A familiar voice, the one I knew and loved. The wicked woman tormenting me, whose name apparently was Angie, stepped aside, revealing the one I came to talk to. Kasey.

"I’m going on a run." Angie said, clearly agitated that her plans to keep Kasey away from me didn’t work. But as she walked down the hallway and out of sight, I was able to finally be with Kasey.

"Please, come in." She invited me with relatively no expression on her beautiful face. Matching her stone cold demeanor, I walked in, and followed her to the couch. It was bright white, overlooking the city view, a beautiful scenery.

"Kasey." I began, but I couldn’t keep it together. If I spoke another word, I would break down in anger or sadness. I couldn’t decide if I was angry for the situation turning me into a boarder line alcoholic, or saddened by the fact she never once bothered to call. I had come to terms with either side, but the breaking point was her figure.

Her hair was thrown up in a disheveled bun, less defined compared to when I had first met her. Her ankles were swelled from what I could see from her gray sweatpants risen up a few inches. She had a rosy tint to her cheeks, her facial figure slightly thicker than before, her breasts even larger than I recalled. All of those things didn’t make her less of the woman I loved, I didn’t care if her weight was altered, but the thing I was most unsettled about was her enormously round stomach.

She wasn’t lying about being pregnant, nor had she given up her child. Our child.

"It’s been seven months, Luke." She took a seat beside me, tears already brimming her eyes. Honestly, I felt tears coming on myself, seeing as these emotions had been bottled up for over half a year. "I’m seven months pregnant and now you decide to show up."

"I didn’t think you wanted me here." I confess, my fingers clenching the the soft worn out fabric of the couch. "I thought, maybe, you gave up the baby, stayed with your boyfriend, and forgot all about our little love affair, like we intended the day we met."

"You thought I aborted our baby?" She nearly looked offended by the accusation. "That would be the last thing I’d do to our child, to myself, and to you."

"But you had the picture perfect life, the high class job, steady relationship, nice home, everything. So why would you throw that away for a musician you hooked up with a few times?" I ran my fingers through my hair, the frustration and inability to comprehend engulfing me.

"None of that ‘picture perfect’ life mattered if I wasn’t happy." She rested her petite hand on my thigh, electricity coursing through my body. "Luke, it may have only been a week with you, but I experienced more emotional and physical love and happiness in that amount of time, than years with Daniel."

"What are you saying then?" I looked her in the eyes, those big brown eyes I’d found love and comfort in.

"That.. I love you." She confessed, her cheeks darkened as the words fell off her tongue. "And my mind isn’t altered by the baby or your famous lifestyle. I love you, well, for you. For the times we spent together whether they were intimate or not."

"I actually came here to tell you that.. I’ve been on the point of insanity. Nothing in my life serves a purpose without you beside me. It is crazy that a one night stand could result to so much, but it’s true. I’m completely in love with you." I rambled, not finding the off switch. "And I know that what we have may seem odd to an unknown eye, or that it’s a terrible thing to terrorize a relationship in the process or bring a baby into th—"

She cut me off with her lips shutting me up. They were a tad fuller than I remembered, but the same fruity taste caught my senses. I was home when I was with her. Her lips worked softly and slowly to mine, almost like trying to find the normality in it again. But the smile creeping across both of our faces concluded we’d made the right decision.

Her lips broke away from mine, a slight giggle escaping her. God did I miss her and all the little things she did. We sat there silently, taking in the moment and the relief it brought.

"May I?" I hesitated to ask, shifting my body to completely face her. She nodded, lifting up her shirt to reveal her swollen stomach. She held her hands on the bottom of her belly, waiting for me to move.

Tears misting my eyes, as I extended my arms and rested both palms on either side of her. My daughter, or son, was right there in front of me. The thought that’d haunted me for so many months was now a dosage of happiness.

"Sometimes she kicks sometimes." Kasey chuckled, wiping a tear away from her eye. "It’s a pain when I’m trying to sleep or hold my bladder, but it’s a nice reassurance when she kicks."

"She?" I smiled the first genuine smile in seven months. She nodded happily, leaning over to the side table and grabbing a small envelope. She handed it to me, and I opened it to see it contained photos of the ultrasound.

She was beautiful with her tiny fingers wrapped up near her face, as if she was about to sneeze. Her feet were pressed to her stomach, eyes shut and ears small, just like mine. For once, it was nice to say something was picture perfect, and actually have something good come of it.

"She’s due in about ten weeks." Kasey stated, breathing in hard. It was easy enough to tell she was nervous, hell, I was too. I’m eighteen years old for gods sake, of course I’m terrified.

"I’ll be there." I assured her, grabbing her hand and entwining her fingers with mine. "And quite frankly, I’m not going anywhere again. Believe what you want but, Kase, I love you, and our daughter."

"And I love you." She smiled. "And I don’t care where life takes me or you but I know I want to do this life together. Who would have thought that not using a condom one time would result in a miraculous happy ending." Her laugh at the dark humor of the situation was contagious. No matter how twisted the hysterical viewpoint of it was, it was an interesting and bizarre approach at fate.

And I was sure as hell anxious to see what life brought to us, to our new life together.