#itsfinalsweek

Growing up, girls like to make little lists of qualities they want in a significant other, myself included. Some of the things that used to be on these “lists” I had included stuff like 1) Follows Jesus/Spiritual Leader 2) Smarter than me or just really good at the things I’m bad at like math 3) Taller than me 4) Prioritizes faith and family and treats the ladies in his family well 5) Preferably Chinese-American or some kind of Asian-American and can understand that cultural identity struggle

Interestingly enough, humor never made that list. I guess I’ve always thought out of all the things you could put onto that checklist ... humor was just a bonus and not super important. 

Lately, however, my attitude towards the importance of shared humor has changed. Now that I’ve had my first serious relationship and am reaching that age where every guy I meet these days I can’t help but be like “omg is this potential hubbo material?” *brain analyzes intensely*, I also can’t help but reflect on what I liked so much about the one dude I liked the most to search for reasons why I’m having such a hard time finding interest in the ones I’m meeting now. I’ve got to admit, it sure wasn’t his faith that I liked the most [which is problematic and probably contributed to the shaky ending]. In an unexpected twist of events, it was actually his humor that I seemed to have really enjoyed. Humor! The one trait I never really valued! His really freaking inappropriate by societal standards humor! And by inappropriate I don’t mean like the cracking of sexua/racist/sexistl jokes left and right, but more so the cracking of jokes that you just don’t make around people unless you are 100% comfortable they will not judge you. Jokes that take you aback a little and make you wonder if you are somehow more degenerate by laughing at them, (lolz). Jokes that often reflect blunt truth (though sometimes exaggerated) and act as a breath of fresh air in a world that is so obsessed with being polite and politically correct. Jokes that other people might mistake as disrespect but you know are just about the things everyone is thinking about anyways but too afraid to admit. Jokes that show me you are, above all fancy airs and graces, just a real person who trusts me enough to say what is really on your mind with the comfort of knowing I’ll only like you more. Jokes that make you realize just how much you have in common even if main interests and hobbies aren’t the same at all.

So yeah, I guess humor is actually pretty important. And what I’ve come to realize is it’s important because humor is unique - what one person thinks is hilarious can be perceived as anything but by another person. When you say “I think X is funny”, you are also saying “X and I have a similar kind of humor and therefore a uniquely shared connection that I don’t always have with everyone”. Nobody else might find X as funny as you do, and isn’t that kinda cool? Shared humor is actually a really special bond. I’m not trying to say that it’s more important than the bond of shared values, ideologies, and faith. But it’s a special bond nonetheless and maybe one I haven’t given adequate enough regard for as important in a strong relationship. After all, don’t people often give that one bit of relationship advice about how you need to find someone whose company you can enjoy when the romance dies and you’re both like 50? If you can’t make each other laugh, how enjoyable is that future really going to be? And you know how sometimes people say “She is weird. But so is he. And together, it works.” I’m finally starting to see that, haha. Granted, it’s a belated realization, but still.