#itsagentromanoff

Natasha&Tony:

Natasha steals the french fries off of Tony’s plate and she’s very smug about it until one day she orders a side salad and Tony somehow eats half of it while she’s in the bathroom. “I’m not sorry,” he informs her when she gapes at him, outraged.

Tony jokingly moves in for the kiss and then yelps when she scoops him up in her arms like a princess. “What’s it to you?” Natasha asks the person bluntly, and then stomps off while Tony jokingly swoons in her arms like a damsel in distress.

Tony has to bail Natasha out of jail once and he never lets her live it down. It is only after Natasha has bailed him out three times that he realizes she has not bailed him out at all and has in fact been busting him out in plain view of every goddamn officer in the precinct. He does not stop making fun of her.

Natasha comes into Tony’s workshop and flops onto the couch with a bellow like a dying animal. “This is so weird, is this how Rhodey and Pepper and Happy feel when they’re giving me advice?” Tony wonders as he pats her hand and tries to help her plan how to ask her crush out and pep her up to carry through.

Tony doesn’t need to cheat because Natasha is awful at games. However, Natasha doesn’t reach over to cover his eyes; she wraps her arms around his neck and sits on him until the game is over. She is incensed that he somehow still manages to win sometimes.

Natasha calls dibs on the top bunk so that she can have an aerial advantage over intruders. She doesn’t know why she bothers calling dibs when she wakes up to find Tony curled around her anyway.

Tony starts pillow fights. Natasha wins pillow fights. Tony swears he’ll never fight her again and then three weeks later forgets and beats her with a pillow again. Natasha wonders if it’s because he considers her safe or if he actually just has the memory of a goldfish. Rhodey just shrugs whenever she asks and she’s getting kind of concerned.

I think you're looking for Maladjusted Geniuses and Mistaken Heroes by lilsmartass.

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But but but what about Bucky and Steve???

They both cautiously venture into Natasha’s apartment around dinnertime. They find Natasha on the couch with Tony, laughing -- as soon as Tony spots them he’s scurrying up Natasha’s arm and hiding in the hair at the nape of her neck. They can see him through it, but they don’t tell him that. Bucky refrains from cooing. Steve is a little freaked out. 

“You said we had a new friend?” Bucky says conversationally, plopping down in a chair across from Natasha. Steve stays standing. 

“Tony,” Natasha croons, biting her lip to keep back a giggle as Tony’s little legs tickle the back of her neck. “Would you like to come out and meet my friends,  паук?” Tony whispers something in her ear, peering over the top to look at Bucky and Steve. Both try to look as welcoming as they can. “No, they like spiders. It’s okay, паук, I wouldn’t let them hurt you.” 

Slowly, Tony inches his way out of Natasha’s way and back onto her hand, clutching at one of her fingers and waving at Bucky and Steve. 

Tony might not even have remembered had it not been for the miniaturized version of JARVIS that accompanied him everywhere through his armor. He stood still for a moment after JARVIS’s pronouncement, absorbing what should’ve been simple news.

But anything related to Earth was infinitely more complicated than it needed to be.

“Shut it down,” Tony said, deciding that he was done for the day. He climbed out of the engine room, feeling unsettled, and decided to search out his partners.

Fortunately, neither one of them were hard to find. Bucky was sitting with Nebula, as he often did. Tony peeked in on them but moved on, figuring that Bucky wouldn’t want to be disturbed. Peter was sitting in the Captain’s chair, flipping idly through an old magazine. He grunted when Tony sat down in his lap.

“Hey Stardust,” he said, sounding surprised but pleased. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Tony said, cuddling into him, pleased when Peter set the magazine aside and wrapped his arms around Tony instead.

“It’s New Years on Earth,” Bucky said. He’d followed Tony apparently, and now he crammed himself into the seat with Tony. It took some effort to fit all three of them, but somehow they made it work.

“New Years,” Peter repeated thoughtfully. “Is that... bad?”

“Not bad exactly,” Tony said. It just made him wonder how everyone on Earth was doing, even the people he really didn’t want to think about. From the way Bucky’s hand stroked across his neck, Bucky knew exactly how he felt.

“Do any other planets celebrate that?” Bucky asked Peter.

“Hmm, not that I’ve heard of. But I’ve never been on a planet long enough to find out,” Peter replied. He sounded... not sad, but wistful. “Should we break out the alcohol?”

“Sure,” Bucky said, a little too eagerly.

“God no,” Tony said at the same time. Faced with two identical pouts, he sighed. “Okay, fine. You two indulge. Some of us are lacking a super soldier or demi-godly metabolism.”

Peter grinned boyishly and kissed first Tony, then Bucky, on the mouth. “But you’re so cute when you’re hungover. Come on, sweet thing, indulge with us.”

“If you don’t stop squirming, you’re going to hurt yourself,” Stephen said, never once looking down at what he was doing. He was paying more attention to the battle raging around them.

“I hate magic!” Tony complained, wheezing and wet.

“This magic is going to save your life. If you’d rather, Captain Rogers can attempt to pull the reactor casing back-”

“No!” Tony fairly shouted, finally getting Stephen to look down at him. “No, no... just you. I don’t... trust anyone else with it.”

“Tony...”

“Shut up.”

“ Later,” Stephen said, and Tony fisted his hand in his cape for comfort.

Aww thanks dearie.