#itsaboutsam

- talk about pleasant things

things NOT to do:

I was tagged by the amazing @castiels-tight-grip and @vinylackles to post pictures of my lock and home screen.

Both are from Torcon 2017 and it’s so hard to choose which op you want as your background when you love them all. So many great stories attached to all these pictures.

MMM... I LOVE YOU... THE REAL MVP... 

dean does know, as i headcanon the sam that left for stanford is not the sam dean retrieved from stanford. due to limited access to resources as a transgender youth in the late 90s early 2000s, sams real physical transition didnt begin until he was in stanford, where he could afford to take the time to inquire into legality -- name changes, sex changes on licenses, etc -- and the physical aspects. and, as its implied in the show that the hunting community is perhaps less accepting of anyone who doesnt meet the imagined mold (generally cishet aggressive black-and-white morality white men, there’s obviously variance and lenience regarding certain attributes of an individual -- rufus is a black jewish man in the hunting community, for example), sam never dared to try to socially transition as a teenager out of very specific circles. i.e. i think and could see some of his highschool friends knowing he was a dude, since they didnt stay in one place for very long anyhow. so the sam that left for stanford was still somewhere in the middle re: gender presentation, coming off as a “tom boy”. i dont see him as being open with dean about his gender identity until he’s already transitioned, as i think he wouldn’t think dean would take it well; we know dean is heavy handed and awkward when it comes to trying to support sam, and when sam does something he doesn’t like, he gets angry or aggressive about it. so when dean goes to find sam in his apartment in stanford, he finds a man, not a little sister; sam is 6 ft 5, now, and his voice is still soft but it’s distinctly male, and he’s three weeks healed from top surgery. it would probably be a bit jarring. he and dean had serveral talks about his gender identity and how he felt -- i think dean was ignorant about it, since sam didn’t have trans friends growing up, and dean’s probably only heard old terminology and only knows words which have separate meaning. but, sam’s transness is one of the few things he’s really firm in and doesn’t feel bad or guilty about, so he doesn’t let dean get away with ignorance, taking the time to correct him on what he says, explain how he felt growing up (that he was never a girl, that he’s always been a boy, and he just corrected his body to reflect that). i think dean would probably slip up for a while, accidentally call him his sister, and she/her, but i do think that once dean got the hang of what sam wanted, he would try to be better, and would eventually grow into using sam’s pronouns and seeing him as his brother -- to the point that he wouldn’t think of sam ever as his sister, beyond a few remarks that were unintentionally hurtful. (the “thats the closest you ever got to being a boy” remark is one that comes to mind.) i think dean’s overall view of sam as a trans person is “i dont really understand, but i would like to, and if it makes you feel better as a person, then you do you”, at least in s1 while he’s adjusting to the changes. 

i think that, eventually, sam’s transness would be a topic of conversation in the hunting community, mostly among the older members who were friends with john and knew that john winchester had a son and a daughter. that daughter disappearing and suddenly john has TWO sons would probably raise eyebrows. i dont think sam would lie about it -- he’s well trained in combat and can defend himself if he’s ever attacked physically, which transphobia can entail -- but i don’t think he’d be comfortable talking about it, because Old Hunters aren’t exactly flexible or understanding. i feel like rufus and bobby would be the ones to hear it first, of john’s hunting friends, especially since bobby interacted with the winchesters as kids, and sam comes to love him enough to call him ‘uncle bobby’ as a child. (i feel like, of the older hunters, bobby would probably be one of the more accepting -- again, not exactly understanding, but i think he’d value sam and his happiness enough that it wouldn’t really matter to him if sam said he was a boy, not a girl; he’d try to be supportive in that i can see him changing his terms of endearment for sam to something more masculine-based and trying to buy him boy-oriented items as he grew up, like a bicycle or action figures). on the other hand, younger hunters, or hunters who aren’t in john and bobby’s generation, like roy and walt, likely have no idea that sam is trans, since sam would have no reason to tell them. i think it only comes up if they knew him pre-transition or knew his father, though there are exceptions to that, too -- if its someone john hasn’t seen since sam and dean were actual children, i dont think sam would tell them, he’d probably tell them their memory was wrong if they remembered him as a girl.

1. if someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to?

I’d say read my fics to get a good idea about my internal thought process, i’m not too sure what people would watch or listen to.  I guess watch madness combat to try and understand my obsession with that?  but inevitably people will be like “minty wtf why do you like these little grey bean men” and i’ll be like “hehe they do lil flippy”

3. list your fandoms and one character from each that you identify with.

Madness Combat: Sanford

This one’s deep so fuckin buckle up, back when I first started transitioning, I became internally obsessed with hyper-masculinity, glorifying that as the ideal and whatnot, and Sanford was what I put a lot of that onto at the time, being a tough Macho Dude with Huge Muscles.  anyway, turns out i’m just gay for masc guys but he helped me through the initial really rough parts of the transition.

Saints Row: Kelly/Boss

listen.  hes what i would have been if I wasn’t a pussy.  i live my gay crime life vicariously through him.  he’s unashamedly himself, which is something I wish I had the balls for.

how i feel: I LOVE HIM!!! good boy!!!!  10/10

romantic ships: kelly, gat, carlos

non romantic: shaundi n pierce! mlm/wlw/straight solidarity

unpopular opinion: he will be the last one left alive out of him, kelly, and gat.

1. I have an escapist fantasy of moving to a little cottage in the Scottish highlands and raising sheep.

2. I really want to get tattoos of wings coming out of the dimples in my shoulders and extending down my arms. Unfortunately I am broke so I’m waiting until I’m more financially stable to get them done.

itsaboutsam replied to your post “Do you have more thoughts on the Sam/Eileen thing?”

bro the way he took her face in his hands,,,,, so gently,,,,, i’m weak