“It’s gonna be okay,” he says, decisively, in the same tone he delivers a sermon in. Buck wishes it didn’t work so well on him.
“Okay.” He meets Eddie’s eyes. His pupils are dilated, almost drowning out the brown. Buck read somewhere that that happens when you look at someone you love. He’s afraid there’s no blue left in his own right now.
“Good.” Eddie kisses his forehead with a tenderness that Buck has never deserved, and leaves.
I love you, Buck thinks to his retreating back. But I’m scared you love God more.
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An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
Chapter 22: Uh Oh, The Consequences Of Your Actions
It's the autumn equinox, a secret comes back to bite The Collector, and no one has a good time, really.
new reader? start here!
Ever since Niseru has begun living with Emmet as Ingo, he has dealt with nightmares nearly every night. Usually he can at least handle them by himself though..
Content warnings will be in tags but I will put them here as well: Nightmares, throwing up/emetophobia, strangulation and claustrophobia. Be safe
And thank you SOOO very much (kisses and hugs) to @tuusenarts for drawing the scene that was killing me💗
---
A soft sigh breaks the stillness of the room as Ingo's heavily lidded eyes turn to gaze at the window, tracing the shapes of twinkling moonlight with his gaze. The tempting prospect of sleep weighed heavily on his mind, yet, something was keeping him from giving in.
He always thought sleep would be so peaceful back in ultra space, where time was merely a concept and his body had no need for it. Experiencing it now.. it frightens him. He hates the nightmares. Hates, hates, hates. They were cruel, dredging up every fear he swallowed down and shoving it in his face. He could deal with it though, for Emmet. He would take care of this body's needs even if it were as frightening as sleep! It was fine! Everyone has nightmares sometimes.. He could handle it. Pulling the blankets up to his chin as he shifted to lay on his side, he let his eyes close, bracing for what was to come.
---
Blank.
That's the only word that felt appropriate for what Ingo saw. A blank empty room with him in the very middle. It was almost calm besides the unsettling pit of dread swirling in his chest. Nothing was ever calm in his dreams, and this room wouldn't be the exception. He sat, his nerves eating him alive as he waiting for something to happen.
Yet, nothing did. He blinked, tempted to laugh. His own subconscious was toying with him. He smiled and pushed himself to stand only to immediately lose his balance as a horrible tremor overtook him. He sputtered and coughed, watching in horror as a dark blue substance spewed from his mouth.
No, no, no, no. His mist began to seep from his eyes and mouth beyond his control, his hands slapping over his mouth to try and stop his horrid coughing but it wouldn't stop, his body wouldn't stop. At this rate he'd- "You deserve this."
The voice snapped his head upward, eyes dripping his condensed mist like thick, unyeilding tears. It was Ingo, another Ingo, glaring down at him with seathing hatred.
"Be rejected by the body you stole, reflection."
He sputtered, voice lost as he choked on his own mist. The only noise he could make as this duplicate grabbed his throat and wretched him from Ingo's body, was a desperate, choking, sob. Niseru twitched and shook as he tried to recover, his single eye staring at the duplicate in utter terror. He wanted to wake up. He wanted to scream, hide, find Emmet, anything. Anything that wasn't this.
No matter how desperately he clawed at the others hands, how he struggled and tried to beg, Ingo's grip wouldn't let up. No. Emmet's grip wouldn't let up. His eye widened and he felt his terror grow as in a flash that other Ingo had become Emmet, choking the life out of Niseru.
"You're nothing but an imperfect stand in. Your mere existence makes me sick."
Niseru shook his head and choked on a sob, his eye dripping down the side of his face.
He couldn't take this. He wanted it over now, now, now. He wanted the real Emmet, the one that.. at the very least tolerated him. If, that was even true.
"You know it isn't." The Emmet's voice dripped with venom, eyes filled with hateful mirth as his hands wrung the ultra beasts neck "You're good for nothing. Worthless."
The pain from being strangled he could almost bear but hearing his own fears echoed to him by the voice of someone he held so dear was something else entirely. It made the strength in him falter, hands falling away from the crushing grip around his thin neck.
Maybe it was better to let the dream run its course, deal with the agony and try to brush it off in the morning. Yet the moment he gave up, he was tossed to the ground. His mist echoed his cries as he meekly raised his head to gaze up at Emmet, but he wasn't there. Niseru was alone again.
Alone and trembling in a room that seemed more claustrophobic the longer he sat there. His claws dug into the floor suddenly when he realized it wasn't just a feeling, the room /was/ becoming more claustrophobic. The walls had began to swiftly close in on him as some horrible disembodied voice laughed at the sight.
He frantically clawed at the blank surfaces around him in some feeble attempt to escape but it was for naught. No matter how desperately he scratched at the walls and tried to flood it with his mist, nothing would stop the room from crushing him. His pleas for mercy were nothing but white noise.
---
He awoke with a wail, trembling and still fighting against whatever had a hold on him, like a frightened animal. His panicked cries stilled for a moment, however, when he noticed how gentle the touch was. His eyes slowly focused to see Emmet before him, tears wetting his face. The real Emmet, his Emmet. His brother.
Dark tears rushed from Ingo's eyes at the sight, desperately throwing himself at his brother and clinging on, to the other man's surprise. His arms hovered around Ingo's shoulders before he pulled him into a tight embrace, rocking the both of them in a gentle sway. "It's okay.." His voice was soft, so much softer than the one in his dream. Soft. Kind. So kind. "I'm here. I always will be... You know that, right?" Niseru's voice caught in his throat as his mind flashed an image of that hateful gaze, making his body go tense if only for a moment. "Ingo."
"I know.." He murmurs, face burrowing into the other's shoulder as he took a deep shuddering breath. No matter how cruel his subconscious could be, he would trust Emmet, the real one, more than anything.
"Thank you.. Emmet."
A hand ghosts through his hair, gentle. Comforting.
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