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Bipolar is a terrible name. It should it be called unipolar. Unipolar, it should be called unipolar. Everybody else is bipolar.

If normal healthy people have an experience throughout the day, like, they're um, they're coming home from work, they had a decent day at work, they worked hard, they feel accomplished, and they're driving home... Somebody cuts them off in traffic real bad, gives them the finger, don't even understand why - I'm going to speed limit, right - they feel put off, and they're like "how dare they, like that's so rude, people in LA are so rude..." They have this feeling that's like, negative towards that experience, and maybe you know opens up feelings of like, insecurity or rage or whatever, but they're still sort of in that place where they're like "but I'm going home. Oh well, I can shake it off and I'm gonna go".

They're existing in two places at once. They can exist- most people can exist - in two places at once. Like, if shit happens, there's still some part of themselves that's okay.

With bipolar you, you can't... I personally cannot experience two things, two states at once. It is one of the most intense versions of that experience that you can possibly imagine.

So if most people have 99 keys on the keyboard, and the lows are real low, and the highs are real high, and they can enjoy all those, right? And they can sort of play in that range.

For me it extends as far as the eye can see, deep into the horizon, where it curves and wraps around the edge of the Earth. Right? Those keys still go. Some of those are so deep that it's impossible to pull yourself out of, and you need help from a team of people - you need medication, right?

And I can't possibly experience those extremes and also do what people tell you to do. And they go "but just think about all the things you have to be grateful for. Play this key, up here. Just play that key, let it pull you out" no, dude. There's no just playing that key, until life stops hammering that base tone for me.

I can't come out of it. And there are times when I have this kind of out-of-body experience, when I go "I should let go of this feeling. Like, I have to let go of this feeling - my family needs me. I need to be present with my family. There's got to be a way out..." It's like I'm talking to myself, going like "pleeeease"... and it just won't do it.

That is bipolar. That's bipolar. It's unipolar, it's you are going to experience immediately the most intense version of whatever your experience is. And it's authentic, and there's no lying about it. It's so complex and deep, those feelings, that I can't act like I'm not feeling it. And so that's really hard for people. And it's really hard for my family.

Because like, if I'm upset because of my kid the other day... Okay so I've got three boys, they're eleven, nine and seven... uh my seven-year-old is just a few days behind me with his birthday... so he's about to be eight. They're very sweet boys. I'm so grateful for them. They're wonderful young men. But they were mad at me, because I told them to go to bed and put their stuff away, the stuff that they were doing... and my littlest said "F you, Dad!"

I had had quite a day, because I was out in the countryside for work, at a place with no Wi-Fi, and I had press stuff, I was talking to... I was talking to Associated Press and I was talking to Washington Post, all these things that were supposed to be on camera, these interviews... And I couldn't get a signal, dude. And it was so frustrating.

So, I'm dealing with that, and then my kid tells me to F off because I asked him to go to bed. And I, like, lose my mind, right... And I can't pull myself out of that place, to go like "he's just a kid". I experience the feeling of a kid telling me to F off and that feeling took over and there was nothing else. For like an hour. And it took me like an hour to finally, kind of like, shake it off, dude.

It's fucking the worst. It is fucking the worst. I would give anything, I would give anything to not be bipolar.

Foolish children. Mother will take back what's hers. She will take the wood, she will take the stone, and she will take back what we've stolen.

Criminal Minds 8x18 Restoration

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