#it207

so, @eddiesbadbreak and @eddiekasp and I were in TEARS the other day over the idea of adult richie tozier being super connected and up to date with the high school kids and community so here we go :

-Richie goes to Dunkin Donuts every morning before work and gets his breakfast : black coffee and a cinnamon donut. He becomes friends with the employees there, and it gets to a point where his order his ready for him when he comes in every morning.

-“Here’s your coffee Mr. Tozier, your donut with be right out!”

-He tips HUGE and the kids literally argue over who gets to bring him his order.

-Sometimes he sits down and talks to the kids and they catch him up on what is going down at school

“Mr. Tozier, you won’t believe what happened yesterday at school.”

“Marcus, sit your ass down and tell me everything.”

~

“So Benny is cheating on Grace with Ashley?”

“Yeah, but listen Mr. Tozier, the quaterback of the football team-”

“Jeffrey?”

“Yeah, Jeffrey and Benny have been hooking up too-”

“HOLY SHIT!!”

“I know!!!”

~

“I haven’t seen Brenda lately, is she on vacation?”

“No Mr. Tozier she got fired last week.”

“Tell me everything Jared.”

~

-Everyone calls him Mr. Tozier

-Every time Richie and Eddie go out, it feels like they hear “Yeah Mr. Tozier!!” then Eddie yells back, “We are MARRIED!!!”

-Whenever the kids see Eddie they ask about Richie

“Hey Mr. Tozier hows the other Mr. Tozier?”

“He’s doing fine, Emma.”

“Tell Mr. Tozier I said hi! Bye Mr. Tozier!”

~

-Richie becomes the football announcer for all of the games and all of the kids love it because he over shares.

“And there goes Jacob Hudson! He’s coming in hot! This defense can’t seem to catch him! AaaaaaND TOUCHDOWN!!! What a great play, what a great kid, it’s truly a shame that his girlfriend is cheating on him, WHAT A NIGHT FOLKS!!!”

~

“Alright everybody it is now time for our player spotlight for tonight’s game. Tonight we have the one, the only, Rrrrrodger Rrrrranks! And folks let me tell you this kid has been playing the game since he could hold a football. Lets pray he makes it to the big time because this kid can’t make a cup of coffee for his life folks! Sorry Rodg, you suck at the food game, but not this game! Aaaand THAT’S tonight’s spotlight folks.”

~

-They sell tickets to the games solely because Richie is announcing.

-Eddie and Richie donate money to the school

-Richie chaperones at all of the school dances but he spikes the punch and ends up being the life of the party

-At the end of the school year, Richie throws a massive party at his big ass Beverly Hills mansion house.

-He picks four seniors and gets them to help him set up and plan the party. He lets them hire a DJ, make the guest list, and get the house ready.

-He fills the bottom of his pool with hundreds of red glow sticks

-He buys SO MUCH BOOZE and hires bartenders

-Eddie sets up a key jar and buys a bunch of condoms. He locks he & Richie’s bedroom but leaves the guest rooms open and leaves a bowl of condoms by the stairs.

-Richie calls the cab company and pays for them to be ready to drive kids home who have had too much to drink

-Richie gets super dressed up, he wears his red suit and yellow dress shoes and he slicks his hair back. He looks like a gameshow host

-All of the kids love his outfits and compliment him

-Richie gets hammered and stands of the roof, takes off his suit jacket and all the kids start yelling “TOZIER TOZIER TOZIER TOZIER” and he cannon-ball’s into the pool off the roof.

-Some of the girls get super drunk and try to flirt with him but Richie just laughs at them

-The next morning there are at least ten kids passed out somewhere in their house.

-Eddie goes around with a broom and pokes them awake then calls them a cab.

-Richie is super hungover

-Kids who couldn’t drive home stop by throughout the day to pick up their keys and their cars