#it exists.

by the end of junior year Peter is pretty sure he’s got a totally healthy crush on MJ (see: obsession) 

its not a stalkery obsession, okay? its more like since she found out that he’s Spider-man and become friends with him and Ned he notices everything about her and always wants her around and he starts looking forward to going to school because he knows she’ll be there and he even declines some upstate training weekends because MJ wants to go to BLM marches and he just wants to brush against her shoulder in a bustling crowd

its not weird. okay. its a little weird. but she’s woah. she’s probably the most brilliant, fascinating, wholly unique girl he’s ever met and she doesn’t need him but he really wants her to want him, you know? 

not want him biblically more like want him as in want to be with him but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t always want her to want him in the sex kind of way. he’s seventeen. sue him. 

the only time they ever talk about sex is when Ned excitedly tells MJ and Peter that he and Betty finally had sex. they’re all over watching movies on their weekly Sunday night movie night. and while Ned and Peter both freak out because AHH THAT IS GREAT NEWS…MJ remains quiet. they both ask her why she isn’t freaking out with them and she casually informs them that virginity is a social construct and you can’t lose anything. genitals are genitals before and after sex. 

and so, five weeks later, Peter is a little taken back when he gets a note from MJ in the middle of chemistry. its more like she chucks a crumpled up ball of paper against his head in lieu of passing him a note. 

after shooting her a confused look, he unfolds the note and nearly chokes. he shakes his head to make sure he read the note right and F U C K it says the same thing he thought it did. “you wanna have sex this weekend?”

he doesn’t know how to play it cool, how to play it chill because Peter, by design, is not cool. and MJ is. like probably the coolest person he’s ever met. 

he glances back at her and she’s jotting down her notes like she didn’t just proposition him in the middle of chemistry (the irony is not lost on him).  

he quickly scribbles down an answer (”have you ever had sex before”) and waits.

it comes five minutes later (”of course. you?”) and he tries not to be irritated by her answer because its her body and her choice but he’s suddenly jealous of this phantom guy he’s never met. and intimidated by her proposition because while he does wanna have sex with her (again, he’s a seventeen year old boy) he doesn’t want to be an inexperienced disappointment…

so instead of being upfront and honest with her…he lies (”yep. so this weekend?”)

and suddenly he’s making plans with MJ to have sex at her house this weekend and he has NO IDEA HOW THIS IS HIS LIFE ALL OF THE SUDDEN. he needs to talk to Aunt May!!!

NO WAIT HE CAN’T TALK TO AUNT MAY. scratch that. that is way too…weird? yea, weird. 

so he comes up with a plan that involves watching a lot of porn to learn what he’s supposed to do and he buys some condoms at a nearby convenience store. and tries to learn how to put one on himself like he’s a  pro. spoiler alert: he’s not. the rubber snaps against his dick twice and he cries both times. because that HURTS. ouch. by the third time he manages to not maim his penis.  and he feels pretty good, more like a superhero than he ever does as Spider-man. 

on Friday night he goes upstate to meet with Tony about his suit and while he’s hanging upside-down from the ceiling trying out some new tech a condom falls out of jean pocket. 

there is a profoundly awkwardly silence…..

Tony hands back the package as Peter’s feet hit the floor. his face is bright red and Tony asks slowly, almost like he hates himself for acknowledging it at all, “you’re being safe, I see. so that’s good” “Tony-” “I don’t really want to talk about it, kid. just safety is important, okay?” “yes sir”

more awkward silence. 

“who is it?” “Mr. Stark…” “that’s none of my business.” “thank you” “is it that MJ, girl?” “OKAY! I’m going to go.” “HAVE FUN AND BE SAFE PARKER!” 

and Peter wants to roll under a rock and never come out again. god. he hates his life. 

except his life is amazing because MJ wants to have sex with him….unless he’s terrible. O H GOD WHAT IF HE IS TERRIBLE AND SHE NEVER WANTS TO TALK TO HIM AGAIN?!? he could live his whole life without having sex with MJ (it would suck but he could do it) but he couldn’t spend his whole life not being friends with her. he needs her in a way he suspects she doesn’t need him. 

he goes to her house the day they planned to talk to her about how he doesn’t want to ruin their friendship….but he doesn’t really get to talk. he opens the door and MJ throws herself at him. and he does try (kind of, again he’s a seventeen year old boy) but each time he tries to talk MJ is kissing him and he basically short circuits. 

like he’s imagined kissing her before (too many times to count) and its nothing compared to the real thing. the real thing is so hot and makes him lightheaded and her skin is…wow. 

like its so soft. SO SOFT. he wants to know what moisturizer she uses. and he also wants to eat her out. its a weird thing happening in his brain right now. 

they fumble backwards into some wall and MJ is taller than him, that’s just the facts of life, but he’s strong and so he hoists her up around his waist to really take full advantage of making out. 

he’s pretty sure he’s making some very enthusiastic noises because fifteen minutes into making out MJ is smiling against his lips….and he KNOWS its because he’s amusing her. but he can’t bring himself to care because she’s grinding up against him and the only thought he can actually manage is her name - MJ MJ MJ MJ

it takes them another half hour to make it to her room because every time he tries to back them away from the wall MJ yanks him back against her. but once they are in her room MJ tears his shirt off and curses. he’s momentarily self conscious until she explains, “you’re crazy ripped, spider-boy.” “man,” he corrects her. “we’ll see,” she smirks. and then she’s kissing him again.

and he’s coherent enough to know that he’s in love with her. and probably has been for months. but y i k e s. she’s got him so fucked up. 

the rest of their clothes go relatively fast after that and he starts to think a little prayer that he won’t cum too quickly and that he won’t disappoint and that he won’t lose her friendship because he’s an inexperienced loser that is crazy in love with her.

he tears open the condom wrapper like he practiced and positions himself to enter her when she presses her hands against his chest and tells him to stop. HIS EYES GO BIG BECAUSE DID HE ALREADY MESS IT UP?! he didn’t even put it IN yet. 

and when his brain catches up to the moment he notices how nervous she looks. it doesn’t make any sense to him. and she whispers, “I know you’ve done this before…but….I haven’t, okay? so, you know, I can’t do anything fancy.” 

it throws his whole head off kilter because he hadn’t anticipated this. he’d spent the better part of a week hating a guy he’d never met that she’d had sex with before. but now….now….well this changes everything. 

he blinks, “you wanna lose your virginity to me?” its a dumb question because she rolls her eyes and says, “not losing anything. virginity is a social construct. but i want to have sex for the first time with you. yes.” 

“why?”

“i thought that part was obvious…?” and its not because MJ keeps talking slow like he’s a moron, “I like you, doofus.” 

she kisses him for good measure like she’s reassuring him that she does, in fact, like him. and everything that was frantic and desperate before is now slower. between kisses he admits he’s never had sex before either and she looks delighted. which is a weird reaction to his inexperience but he supposes he’s a little glad that she’s never had sex with anyone before him, too. 

when he finally does join their bodies together, MJ hisses like its a bit of a new and unusual stretch. he watches her face carefully and TRIES HIS HARDEST (again, its hard at seventeen) to not move. she brushes her mouth against his for what feels like her own benefit. he indulges all of the kisses she seems to want. 

and when she’s ready he moves inside her slow. its effortful, the slow pace he’s going, but he manages the best he can. it helps that they’re kissing. because he can focus on that and not how much he wants to just thrust into her body because it all feels so good. 

he doesn’t last long, he supposes that was inevitable, but MJ doesn’t seem to mind. she’s grips his back and tells him its okay. and he cums. 

when he done, he collapses on her and she makes an oof noise. but when he tries to climb off of her she pulls him back down and fits his face in her neck. she strokes his hair and he relaxes. this feeling is better than anything they just did. this, the two of them just breathing together. this is what he wanted more than the sex (tho, he wants more of the sex, too). 

they stay like that for five minutes and then Peter hoists himself up on his elbows and kisses her nose. she rolls her eyes at him but is smiling. “i’m sorry i hurt you,” he whispers. “it was a weird stretch but you didn’t hurt me, Parker. get off your high horse.” 

he laughs and spends the rest of the afternoon trying to make her feel as good as she made him feel. by, you know, going down on her. and he’s not GOOD at it per say but what he lacks in experience he makes up for with enthusiasm. and with MJ’s guidance they work it out together. 

the next day at school Peter and MJ keep shooting each other looks. and Ned notices. and he almost doesn’t want to ask but……….he gives in, “what?” “nothing” they both say. and he nearly drops it but at lunch MJ gets some foam from her coffee on her upper lip and Peter leans over to kiss it away.