#is ableist

Since using the phrase "did I Stutter?" Should not be used, as it is ableist and demeaning to people with stuttering problems, let's use these instead:

- "Did I speak in an unknown tongue?" (Sophistcated, amiright?)

- "Have you got ale in your ears?" (Courtesy of BBC Merlin as Emrys/Dragoon) (can also use alcohol of choice)

Might add more.

I’ve wanted to do this ever since I saw Wicked for the first time as an adult back in 2019 and realized there was this odiously ableist scene.  I was watching a bootleg with SJB the other day and had to stop watching because that scene upset me so much, so I wrote this instead (I do want to see Stephanie’s No Good Deed, though, I’ll probably double back).  Act II is so incoherent, the scene could be changed to literally anything and it would be an improvement.  I earnestly believe Winnie and Stephen should quietly replace that scene with more respectful material, because Wicked is going to run forever and disabled audiences deserve better.  Here’s my attempt at the rewrite.  I wrote it like a screenplay because sorry that’s all I know how to do, I’m a big dumb playwriting baby!

Lights up on a bedroom chamber. Nessa, dressed in ornate robes, addresses Boq, just as put-upon as ever.

BOQ Nessa, you can’t keep letting the Animals into Munchkinland, the Munchkins don’t have enough as it is.

NESSAROSE Since when did Munchkinland have closed borders?

BOQ Since the Emerald City closed theirs.

NESSAROSE I won’t hear this.

BOQ Being a leader means making hard choices—

NESSAROSE Boq! I won’t hear it.

Boq recoils, head down.

BOQ Sorry, madam.

NESSAROSE I’ve asked you to call me Nessa, my love.

BOQ Yes, madam.

That stings. He bows and takes his leave. As he disappears, a light flicks above Nessa’s wardrobe:

ELPHABA Well it seems the beautiful only get more beautiful…

Nessa whips around—

NESSAROSE AhhHH!

She sees her sister illuminated from within the glass of her wardrobe mirror.

ELPHABA While the green just get greener.

NESSAROSE Oh, Elphaba, I’m so happy to see you!

Nessa rolls over to the wardrobe as Elphaba clambers out through the mirror. She takes her sister’s hands.

NESSAROSE I was so worried— it can’t be true, what they’re saying about you, I know it—

ELPHABA I don’t have much time, Nessa. I never thought I'd say this but I need father's help. I need him to stand with me.

NESSAROSE Elphaba, that's impossible.

ELPHABA No, no it's not. Not if you ask him. You know he'll listen to you, you just have to ask him—

NESSAROSE Elphaba. Father's dead.

ELPHABA What?

NESSAROSE He's dead. I'm the governor. When he heard what you’d done… he… they said he died of the shame.

ELPHABA Well good. I’m glad.

NESSAROSE That’s a wicked thing to say.

ELPHABA He wasn’t going to help me anyway. It was stupid to come.

NESSAROSE He was our father.

An uncomfortable silence passes between them.

ELPHABA I should be going.

NESSAROSE I could stand with you. If you tell me what happened. I am the governor, it would mean something—

ELPHABA No, Nessa, I can’t let you harbor a fugitive, I’ll only put you in danger.

NESSAROSE Elphaba, you don’t need to protect me.

ELPHABA I killed father, it’s the least I can do.

NESSAROSE No! You’re just like him. ALL OF MY LIFE, I’VE BEEN PUSHED THE SIDE BY PEOPLE WHO TELL ME THEY CARE ALL OF MY LIFE, I’VE BEEN SHELTERED IN PLACE BECAUSE SOMEBODY ELSE WANTS ME THERE ASKING STAND ON MY OWN FOR JUST ONCE BUT ALL THEY CAN SEE IS THIS CHAIR

ELPHABA Wait. I can… Nessa, I can fix this. I can do what I should’ve done long ago.

NESSAROSE What’s that?

Elphaba takes out the Grimmerie and begins chanting.

ELPHABA Ambulahn Dare Pahto Pahpoot

Nessa’s shoes begin to glow red.

NESSAROSE Oh, ow— ow, it burns!

ELPHABA Ambulahn Dasca Caldapess Lahfenahto Lahfenahtum

NESSAROSE What is that? Ah! My shoes! It feels like... like they're on fire! What have you done to my shoes???

ELPHABA Pede Pede Caldapess.

Nessa’s feet move from under her. She lifts her dress… revealing THE RUBY SLIPPERS.

Nessa stands, but falls. Elphaba goes to help her up—

NESSAROSE No, don't help me.

She stands.

ELPHABA Oh, Nessa, at last... I'VE DONE WHAT LONG AGO I SHOULD AND FINALLY FROM THESE POWERS SOMETHING GOOD FINALLY SOMETHING GOOD...

NESSAROSE Elphaba, I…

ELPHABA I should be going.

She approaches the mirror and begins rifling through the Grimmerie, but Nessa SNATCHES it from her hands.

NESSAROSE No, wait. Boq! Boq, come see!

ELPHABA Nessa, nobody can know I'm here!

Elphaba tries to grab back the book. Nessa darts around, book held above her head, grinning at her new ability to evade her sister. She ducks behind a table just as Boq enters and sees Elphaba:

BOQ What is it madaaAAAH! What are you doing here? You stay back!

He grabs a metal poker (or maybe it’s a gun? The bootleg I’m watching is low quality) and brandishes it at her.

ELPHABA Boq, it's just me, I'm not going to hurt you!

NESSAROSE It’s true. Boq, you can trust her—

He turns towards Nessa and sees: she’s standing. He drops the poker.

BOQ (to Elphaba) You… did this for her?

ELPHABA For both of you. Nessa, I really need to go.

BOQ Elphaba, this changes everything.

NESSAROSE It does?

BOQ LISTEN NESSA...

NESSAROSE What?

BOQ UH NESSA, SURELY NOW I'LL MATTER LESS TO YOU AND YOU WON'T MIND MY LEAVING HERE TONIGHT...

NESSAROSE Leaving?

BOQ Yes... THAT BALL THAT'S BEING STAGED ANNOUNCING GLINDA IS ENGAGED TO FIYERO...

NESSAROSE Glinda?

BOQ YES NESSA THAT'S RIGHT! AND I'VE GOT TO GO APPEAL TO HER EXPRESS THE WAY I FEEL TO HER Oh, Nessa, I’ve been in love with Glinda since before she dropped the “Ga.”

NESSAROSE But I thought… I thought you loved me.

BOQ I only did this for her. To prove my love, but... I need to go before it’s too late.

Nessa whips around towards Elphaba.

NESSAROSE Did you do this?

ELPHABA No, Nessa, I had no idea.

NESSAROSE You asked her to do this to me.

ELPHABA I didn’t, I swear.

NESSAROSE You’re both just leaving me!

BOQ Nessa, I lost my heart to Glinda from the moment I first saw her.

NESSAROSE Lost your heart? Well, we'll see about that...

ELPHABA Nessa, what are you doing?

Ness flips through the Grimmerie, squinting at the pages.

NESSAROSE DID YOU THINK I'D LET YOU LEAVE ME HERE FLAT?

BOQ Don't come any closer!

NESSAROSE YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE YOUR HEART TO ME, I TELL YOU! IF I HAVE TO... I HAVE TO... (She finds the page she’s looking for…) MAGIC SPELL YOU...

ELPHABA Nessa, let him go.

NESSAROSE Ah... Tum... Tah... Tae...

ELPHABA Stop, Nessa, it’s dangerous.

BOQ What is she doing?!

ELPHABA You're pronouncing the words all wrong! That’s enough!

Elphaba wrestles the Grimmerie away from her…

But Boq clutches his chest and staggers back.

NESSAROSE Boq! What is it?

BOQ My heart feels like it's... shrinking.

NESSAROSE Elphaba, do something!

ELPHABA I can't! You can't reverse a spell once it's been cast!

NESSAROSE So what do we do?

ELPHABA Let me think.

Boq stumbles into Nessa’s empty wheelchair and falls back. Elphaba rummages desperately through the Grimmerie while Nessa watches.

NESSAROSE No, no, no. This is all your fault. If you hadn’t used that book in the first place—

ELPHABA Nessa, please, I have to find another spell... it's the only thing that might work.

Elphaba pulls the wheelchair towards the wardrobe and starts casting another spell.

NESSAROSE Save him, please! THEY PROTECTED THE BURDEN BUT LEAVE ME HERE HURTING THE PRICE I PAY FOR COMPANY’S INCREASED I WON’T BE ALONE AND LOVELESS HERE JUST THE GIRL IN THE MIRROR JUST HER AND ME! THE WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST! WE DESERVE EACH OTHER...

Elphaba comes out from behind the chair.

NESSAROSE Well... what about his heart?

ELPHABA It's all right. He won't need one now.

NESSAROSE Will he… love me?

ELPHABA I have to go.

NESSAROSE You’ve taken everything from me. Boq. Father. I bet you embarrassed him on purpose.

ELPHABA Nessa.

NESSAROSE You pretend to care about Animals, about father, about me. You don’t care about anyone but yourself, I bet you’re just going back to the Emerald City to find Fiyero and take him from Glinda—

ELPHABA Nessa! Please. I have done everything I could for you… it has never been enough, and it never will be. But what happened to those monkeys is my fault. I have to set them free.

Elphaba turns to go.

NESSAROSE Wait, Elphaba. Please don’t go.

ELPHABA Goodbye, Nessa.

She leaves. Nessa crumples just as Boq stirs.

BOQ Where am I? What happened?

NESSAROSE Nothing, Boq, you just fell asleep... and...

As he rises from the wheelchair, Nessa sees…

He’s made of tin. She yelps.

BOQ What is it, what's wrong?

NESSAROSE Boq, it wasn't me it was her! I— I tried to stop her, but—

Boy sees himself and SCREAMS.

NESSAROSE Boq, please, I still— It was Elphaba! Boq! It was Elphaba!!!

He runs off, leaving her alone…