#ironically enough

Murderbot + text posts [193/∞]

She is! I got Journal 3, Lost Legends, and The Book Of Bill all at the same time about a week after finishing the show. I was not versed in the fandom pretty much at all, and upon seeing the design in the back of the page I made the assumption that it was both twins as one person, and not just Mabel taking Dippers role in the story. Upon learning what that actually was though, the idea of the two twins as one person stuck in my head and she sorta started existing from there!

bearpelt 5th Jun 2026, 12:01 PM

I am unfortunately so into Gretta and her gender-fuckery and her audacity. If I ever actually met her, I'd probably interact with her a lot like Malcus lmao

kosmicdream 5th Jun 2026, 6:20 PM

I love it too, there's many layers to her .. performances, so to speak. I don't think I've really written a lot of characters that are so reflective of their social environments, so to speak, when it comes to their gender (and sexuality.) Certainly not at the level of Gretta's bullshit going on. There's a lot more to unpack I haven't even started to touch on yet - but I am excited to dig deeper!

bearpelt 9th Jun 2026, 10:08 PM

It's kind of interesting to me because I feel like she's embodying this kind of butch lesbian vibe that I'm really into, but I remember reading a comment you had made elsewhere that it's almost like a drag persona to her. I wonder if I'd still be into her if she was able to present the way she wants to? Like, as a hot character, I mean. It makes me wonder why the persona seems hot to me, I guess? Dunno if I'm making any sense haha but the complexity of her gender stuff intrigues me.

I'm a cis pansexual woman with a trans wife, so I'm into a lot of different gender presentation stuff in general. I feel like I don't see a lot of depictions of someone, like, intentionally wearing their assigned gender as like a necessary but disliked costume? If that makes sense? It's really interesting

kosmicdream 10th Jun 2026, 2:22 PM

I’m so happy to hear your thoughts on it! So much of Gretta’s gender “performance” is a bit inspired by a sort of .. closeted power fantasy? Years ago when I realized I wanted to transition/take HRT i sort of went though a period of time where i was really trying to rationalize every reason not to. I was really absorbed with taking in a lot of personal accounts of detransitioners. And while I can really appreciate some aspects of what they talked about - there was often this underlying disgust and hate towards their experiences with transition. Even then I could tell it was still a really raw, fresh pain for them which was motivating them to express that to others to deter them from doing what they did. It left me feeling more confused and distracted from what I really wanted for myself, it put me in a position of making a choice out of fear rather than acceptance. I kept myself this way for almost 7 years, waffling though my different stages of trying to untangle myself with gender until I finally just did it.

To circle back, characters like Gretta have been a sort of repeated trope that I love to include in stories. This sort of hyper-masculine “super sayian” type - brash, confident, unafraid of filth - it was a way I was able to express this sort of stereotypes of the male-persona without it being a man. What was overdone with a male character was subversive through the lens of a woman - without it actually being any different. That was a character i liked to write and was a female character I really felt I could connect with and embrace without feeling like I was saying something about myself because that’s not even the kind of woman I was when I thought I was one anyway.. But by the time I made Religion of Toy i knew very well why I was attached to making these types of super-buff ladies. They were a mask for myself and these characters were a way of me getting to “indulge” in this behavior I felt too self critical and insecure about “being” myself. Even as a man it still feels like not the kind I am anyway.. But acting like that in this space has always been strangely cathartic.

Gretta made herself as a character, just as any of my others - but since the conception of this character and the various circumstances that lead to the writing/development process of Religion of Toy I could recognize right off the bat that she was the self-realized version of this mask I often fall into for myself. This idealized “if i was a woman, id be the coolest one you could ever be” fantasy. It was the result of the DIY conversion therapy I was subjecting myself to - the end goal I thought I could achieve as the confident, independent woman that could adopt any kind of masculine trait without feeling insecure about it. To be praised for it, even. But instead of just playing it straight in the story, I wanted to see how.. A character, going through the same thing I did - achieving this “perfect mask” would still not be able to erase their inner desires and truth. And how it made them miserable yet committed to the bit, not only for themselves to protect this vulnerable part of who they really are - but as a requirement for success. Not just for themselves but for their family and everyone else that they love or depend on them to be this person. That’s who Gretta is to me and having this character carry that kind of secret feels like something I really understand and has helped me accept and forgive myself for “wasting” those seven years pretending I didnt need HRT. That I didn’t want it - that it wouldn’t help - that HRT would “Destroy” my body and I would only regret it and have to carry the “permanent changes” forever.

That fear was so real, so strong and was a cage that kept me “safe” but it really wasn’t. I was so much more miserable than I even realized, now that I look on the other side of things. Gretta was technically made around.. I think only slightly before i started HRT or shortly after? She was basically at the end-point of that time in my life and was carried over to this new one. While Religion of Toy is actually so much more about my mental illness, health, childhood trauma, ect - gender is going to also be present cuz of course it is.

Tommie is this trans man that has been supported and accepted by his immediate family, even in the work force he is respected - although still suffers from social judgement - he has many who do genuinely admire him. Gretta is protective of him and even has a longing to connect with him on this subject but can’t. Part of her lives vicariously through him, seeing his life unfold before her.. Without him having to hide this part of himself. It makes her think of what her own life could have been like, just as I sometimes project onto younger or more “passing” trans men. There’s this bittersweet yearning but you still don’t know their lives at all or what they’ve struggled with, yearn for, ect.. All the while, Malcus is somewhat skeptical of her acceptance and sometimes gets overly defensive of perceived slights against Tommie. He is Tommie’s “greatest defender” when it comes to his transition but has no fucking idea that Gretta is a guy too and sometimes she tries to hint at that to her brother, hoping he’d catch on. Gretta plays this off as a funny game - sometimes it is but it also speaks to this larger isolation she keeps herself in because she’s too afraid of what would happen if it changed.

Anyway, I’ve written a lot here but.. I really love these characters and Gretta especially is so important to me. I’ve never had a character where their whole “point” is being closeted and appearing on the surface as this confident, self realized person - who doesnt take shit from anyone but all of that is bravado and no one seems to see past it. Gretta works so hard to achieve this perfect guise because she is that uncomfortable with herself and the possibility of true rejection and failure. She doesn’t want that part of herself - this very young boy - to be hurt by the world even one more time. He’s been hurt enough.

TLDR; thanks for all your comments and I hope you enjoy the story!! I have a lot of stuff planned for it and as I actually draw the comic I’m already figuring out new ideas. It’s been very exciting for me to draw.

bearpelt 11th Jun 2026, 3:49 AM

I actually love reading about the complexity people can have with their gender like this. I'm autistic, so it's always kind of interesting to me to see a different type of "outsider" perspective, if that makes sense?

I think trans folks probably have the most nuanced understanding of gender in a social context and it's always so eye-opening to hear these experiences, so thank you for sharing both via the comics and also in your comments.

I think Gretta fascinates me because of her mask? I'm an autistic woman who actually doesn't really mask much and never did largely by choice. I was extremely lucky with how my family raised me once I was diagnosed. Whereas my wife never got diagnosed and has always masked. I often wonder how much her experience as autistic affects the way she's trans. Both can be forms of performance for those around you to your own detriment.

I think I associate audacity with honesty, which is why Gretta trips me up. She's so bold and unflinching, but that in and of itself is sort of a lie, which is wild to me. I guess I'm used to seeing masks people wear usually try to be agreeable and appealing to others, but her mask is more of a way to hold people at arms length, I imagine.

Does Gretta think she won't be accepted if she comes out? Even tho Tommie is? I wonder where Tommie got his self confidence from.

It's always a delight to see your longer musings in the comments, btw. Thank you so much!

kosmicdream 25th Jun 2026, 1:29 PM

I’m glad you enjoy my lengthy comments! It’s nice for me to get to share some of my thoughts and a deeper look into Gretta’s identity and motivations.

Her mask is certainly one she’s perfected over the decades and it largely is to keep people at an arm’s length. All her early childhood trauma deeply ingrained a fear of others in her and a deep fixation on being in total control. Obviously - you cannot control others - but by keeping herself so consistent to this “version” of Gretta everyone sees, it gives her the sense of security that she can still control what others THINK of her. Regardless of what that is (good, bad, wrong or right) it still is based on the illusion she has created and not her real self, this creating this mental “shield” around that part of her that she keeps inside.

Of course, that shield is also a cage - and by being so dedicated to this game she plays she can no longer really “be” that part of herself anymore (at least, not fully authentically) because she does not know who “he” would be as a grown up. That real part is somewhat frozen in time or an observer. I almost can describe it as Gretta is the mech and the real part of Gretta, this young boy frozen in time is the pilot who does not know who he could have been outside of this armor around him. It does not mean she does not unmask in her private life - but it has to be done in total secrecy - or previously, only shown to Arlet.

Gretta is pretty painfully aware at this age how much this has been a double edged sword but still isn’t even willing to consider acting otherwise. For her job, she has to maintain something for everyone - she just could not function by switching gears to this true side of herself with so many eyes on her. Not to mention, she just wouldn’t know how to socially interact anymore - with everyone's memories, experiences, ect of who she was before - even if they would accept and support her transition, her personality would still have to be the one they think Gretta is. Like, it would make sense they’d expect Gretta to still be loud, abrasive with the air of confident charisma that draws in a crowd.. But the real Gretta is.. Well, Gretta isn’t entirely sure herself - of course he prefers to be alone, the quiet, ect.. But those things just might be things he likes because of the fear of being exposed, rather than a true interest.

This is why Gretta has such a deep affection for Tommie and sees herself in him, because the way he grew up feels a bit like the childhood she wished she had - and his behavior and habits feel like a window into what kind of boy she could have been. The creative, passionate little weirdo.. Of course, Tommie really is his own person too and that projection on Gretta’s part is.. Like.. not accurate. But it kind of is all Gretta has sometimes. Funny enough, I actually don’t think all of Gretta’s “abrasive, rude” personality is ingenuine, even if she uses it intentionally that way - and almost compartmentalizes it as entirely a “fake” thing - I wouldn’t be shocked if Gretta had just grown up as a man and still been a lot like that. Maybe not completely the same but our experiences in life are still going to shape how we engage with the world and I can see this other version of Gretta struggling with similar issues of performance but not quite as extreme or as deeply twisted.

I think Gretta could have enjoyed being who she is a little bit more, there would have been more self acceptance and security without outside validation and I feel sad that she denies herself that out of fear that she couldn’t be strong enough to protect herself as a man. There could have been some peace in that and some real genuine connection with her loved ones, friends or community things that could have helped her repair from those early life experiences that left her feeling broken and unfixable. She’s just so hyper-vigilant that she thinks that if.. One more part of that side of her broke then it would never come back. It would be gone forever and .. she would be lost without that anchor and truly not know who she is at all.

Tommie’s own confidence is based largely on the support and acknowledgement of his older siblings, who have never treated his transness as something to be ashamed over or that he had to hide. Not that he still doesn’t feel insecure over it - but at least when it comes to his own family, he doesn’t feel judged by them and really does cherish that unconditional acceptance they’ve shown him. It does make it a lot easier to feel like you won’t be disrespected if the LEADER of the entire factory is the older brother and the STRONGEST member of the entire factory who runs the hunters faction are there to intimidate people into keeping their mouths shut - at least not where they can hear it.

While he is currently not on HRT due to health complications, he still socially transitioned early and got to experience much of his childhood and teen years onward as a boy. I think that has helped him see himself as a man and be a little less dysphoric because he’s never had to feel a need to perform femininity or look at his body through the expectations of womanhood. So he isn’t very doubtful of his authenticity - it only really perplexes him when he’s reminded that.. Most people still don’t understand it, and he’s much more aware now that he isn’t the traditional masculinity.

I think that does toxically drive Tommie to be an overworker and over achiever, to “earn” the respect of his authority and to assert himself as an adult. People tend to infantilize him, Malcus especially is bad at this despite his support for his gender - and that part of it eats at his self confidence of his male identity more so than his physical body. However, i think Tommie is still very insecure about it too - especially when it comes to intimacy. He’s a virgin and.. Very socially isolated still. Despite his desires for romance or sex he doesn’t know how to engage with it, which does make it complicated since he is.. The boss. There’s no way he can escape that power imbalance with others. This DOES result with him coming across a bit childish/immature - because he has internalized that perception of him as a true thing and.. Feels he can never really escape that. A self fulfilling prophecy. Any instance which reinforces this perception of himself just further proves it is true.

Tommie would likely be very shocked if he knew the truth about Gretta, it would perplex him for the same reasons as most would probably feel - why would she hide it? It doesn’t seem to make sense when she’s just so bold, unflinchingly “indulgent” and “unapologetic” - this untouchable person who doesn't care what you think about her.. And it would confuse him even more to hear how much Gretta truly admires Tommie and sees him as the most brave and strong of the trio. She sees him as this authentic person who continues to persevere in his ambitions, his vision and his dedication to his art - while not hiding who he is to anyone. To have all that pressure on his shoulders and still show up to work every day, for her she couldn’t imagine doing all that. Gretta feels that way because his art is also so very personal to him too. So it’s not like he’s really making this “product” he’s a toymaker, a true toymaker that is giving himself completely to the world and to any child that needs love. That’s what she sees in him anyway.. Because if no one was buying his toys they’d all starve to death.

To back track to Gretta though.. I don’t think Malcus would believe her at this point if she said she came out to him as a trans man. But he also doesn’t .. trust Gretta but he also trusts her more than anyone. He lies to himself about how much he trusts her and.. If she tried to shift his perception of what he thought he knew of her - I don’t think he’d accept it. His “trust” in her is to believe in his own idea on who she is. And his innate “distrust” in her is that he’s always watching for her to do something bad. He believes she is dangerous and capable of doing a lot of harm. Malcus believes she could snap and turn on him or Tommie at any moment and there’s really nothing she can do to convince him otherwise.

I think Malcus would also think she was being a copycat to Tommie and somehow like.. Appropriating his struggles? Which is like, a fucked up thing to think but hed’d consider that she was doing it to somehow mock Tommie or steal his thunder. He’d begrudgingly respect and act courteous to Gretta if she transitioned (esp around Tommie) but he’d always hold a bit of judgement. He’d secretly feel a bit of jealousy that they’d have something to bond over without him.

Malcus so weird because he can’t really understand what transgender is despite doing his best to be the ultimate #dadally who would wear pride merch and hold up a sign for his kid. Truthfully he sort of views it the same as a physical disability. Like.. the source might be a hormonal imbalance or that the individual is intersex in some degree. Those are things he considers the “reason” someone might be transgender - that there’s a physical part of you that would indicate why you might have that condition. Malcus probably also believes there’s a “gay gene” too. Yet I don’t think he believes in male/female brains - that to him feels sexist and bioessentialist. Also because Tommie was so young when he communicated these things, he took that as evidence it was not from some outside source of influence. Malcus had a practical approach to the diagnosis the same as Tommie needing corrective vision. Just a little more complicated since he can’t perform all the necessary treatments.

So.. he’s a strange mix of being fairly “trans medicalist” but also I guess… “open minded”..?? enough to believe it could come from multiple sources or ones he isn’t aware of yet. Malcus also has the belief that most people are some variant of intersex. If anything, he doesn’t believe that there’s any “real” cisgender people. He just believes that most people in the population have a higher percentage of traits associated with the two binaries. Hilariously he DOES actually provide trans affirming treatments in his company under the same umbrella as any kind of medical care. That also includes proper communal gendered housing, bathroom/locker room rights, protection against harassment/discrimination.. Ect..

And yes, he probably would not give a fuck about any of this stuff if it weren’t for Tommie. Those were all changes he made to the company because of Tommie and after he became in charge of it. So, in some ways, the Cuddlebug Factory is a safe haven for a lot of Queer people who make their journey there for that exact reason. In this setting he is considered quite progressive in his views and direct action in assisting that demographic. It is NOT like that elsewhere in most places.