Sweden’s national team puts inspirational quotes on their jerseys for National Women’s Day.

Super slow, time for one more.

I’m really worried about my father.

He’s been working for a company in a commission only position that hasn’t gone much of anywhere for the past 20+ years.  I only suppose he’s trying to find work, but it hasn’t amounted to much.  On top of that, he’s had a few different cold, each one taking weeks to recover from because his immune system is shot.

When I talk to him, he has trouble remembering things or understanding what I’m saying on the IM.  Maybe my grasp of the English language is going to pot?  I don’t know.  

His current “employer” has a group of investors that only seem to make life miserable for everyone.  They don’t invest into the company at all and seem to think that making everyone work for commission is “incentive”.  Such bullshit.  They won’t give any money for marketing either, which is a huge factor in how the business gets, well business.  Mom is part of this company as well and she’ may as well be a volunteer.  She hasn’t seen a lick of money in years.  It’s pretty bad all around.

Watching my dad go through this is so hard...I can only imagine how Mom feels having to see this all the time.  She’s so strong...

I feel sometimes I’m failing as a daughter.  I promised a better life for my parents, but I haven’t done much on that front.  I’ve made a better life for myself with a job and future husband.  But that’s about it.  I haven’t made their lives financially easier other than taking my burden off them.

There is so much more I should be doing, but it’s not possible.

There are side projects I could take on, little things I could do like sell things, or other ways to make extra money.  Yet, I don’t have a lot of time to do that.  Selfish Me says it’s not even my responsibility to provide for them when they can provide for themselves.

Except, they can’t.

They’re both in their early 60s.  No one hires 60+ anymore.  Even if he and Mom both worked, it would barely cover what they owe in bills on the house.  

Dad’s money is running low.  Even if I were to try and bring in money, it would be pitifully low and would sap all my energy.  Selfish Me says I can’t really do much more, and it’s sadly true.

God,

This past week and change has been a test, a big test.  A lot has been thrown at Florizel and I...almost too much to handle at times.  Yet through it all, I was shown I have the strength and support to make it through.

I have gone through worse trials before, such as the death of a loved one, spirals worse than the one I had a few days ago.  I’ve had ovarian cysts, terrible boyfriends and all manner of bad things that have made me go “I can’t take anymore!”  Through it all, you’ve been with me.  You’ve guided me to the support and proper people I needed.  In times of lessons, I was lead to those who helped me learn and grow, even if they were only in my life temporarily.  I made my own choices too, ignoring gut reactions and warning signs before being guided back on the right path.

There has been a lot of off roading on my journey, but I wouldn’t change a single thing.  I shudder at the thought of missing the love of my life, the amazing friends I’ve met, the experiences I’ve had.  Every piece important, every piece a part of Life’s plan.

For years, I wondered what life would be like, what the overall plan was for me.  Now, I see it all leading up to a beautiful future.  After years of disappointment, I am finally satisfied.  I have everything I need and more...and we’re only just beginning.

God, I thank you for this journey.  I had my doubts: countless times you said “Not yet.”  “Wait.”  “The hell are you doing, crazy?” and “I still love you even though you doubt me.  You’ll see.”

I do see.  I found my way back into your arms and into the arms of my Life’s partner.  I’ve seen a glimpse of the life you’ve made for us and the endless adventures and possibilities within it.

God, thank you for every moment, good or ill.  Each has taught me something and it makes the end result that much sweeter...Thank you for him, for your love, for everything in between.  Bless us and keep us as we journey together, and may your love shine on those closest to us.