#internalmonologue

Hala, wait. This drill today was seriously unexpected. Akala ko it was the usual routine…alarm sounds, then everyone follows the standard route. I was literally just making fake blood kanina, yung color sobrang intense na gagamitin para sa mga victims for maximum realism and then biglang the real-life stress hit. May PLOT TWIST!

This time, iba yung exit ko. And who do I find myself naglalakad kasama? None other than the Company Owner himself! My internal monologue was like, Okay, chill. VIP escort duty ka ngayon, besh. Pero then I remembered I'm the Head of the Medical Team! My instincts were screaming... RUN TO THE MEDICAL AREA! TIME IS TICKING!

So... syempre, I instinctively dinedirecho and found myself steps ahead of the Owner. Like, nag-overtake na ako! 😂 hahaha... In a real emergency, every second counts, diba? My brain was already calculating response times!

BUT THEN, the realization hit me like a falling ceiling tile... WAIT. In a real emergency, you DO NOT LEAVE THE OWNER BEHIND! 😱 Kasi imagine the headlines, Medical Head iniwan ang CEO sa earthquake! Nako, that's career suicide agad!

So, ayon... I did a dramatic U-turn like I was in a K-drama. Pinuntahan ko ulit si Sir Owner, in-assist ko siya all the way out. And mind you, the sun was shining so HOT today, parang gusto ko nalang maligo sa waterfalls habang naliligo ako sa sarili kong pawis! 🥵💦 Sarap mag-swimming talaga!

When we finally got outside, one of the Managers agad sinalubong ako. Uy! Hinahanap ka na! Sabi niya. And me, feeling hero and conflicted at the same time... I can't leave him naman walk alone till outside!

Ganito ba talaga ang life ng first responder slash VIP bodyguard slash pawisin? hahaha... My brain is still recovering from the ethical dilemma versus emergency protocols versus corporate hierarchy! Whew!

“Aichi, that’s not Kai.” was the first thing he heard walking into Card Capital that weekend.

He spied a head of brown hair. He tried to get a look, but, “Aichi. Kai is not here.”

“Huh?” The boy turned. The face was not Kai. Aichi walked in disappointment to greet Misaki. His head was bowed, eyes pinned to the counter. Or slightly below or above her chest area at all times. Misaki doesn’t know what to make of this, but this just makes the kid look gayer.

Shin just looks at her strangely each time she volunteers to take his place at the counter. Truthfully, she can relate in more ways than the man is fully aware of. 

They both need a friend.

Shin entered at that moment. He asked the gay why he wants to see Kai so bad, and the boy responded by saying that he wants Kai to take him seriously--to not hold back.

Misaki sighed. She already asked him that the other day, and the boy gave the exact same answer. She countered with, “You’re so gay, Aichi. I’m jealous.” 

Reasonably, he looked mildly insulted. If she were him, she would look mad while questioning whether that was an insult or a compliment. 

Shin invited Aichi over tomorrow after school for a surprise. Looking at the deck, she could imagine an idea at to what he’s scheming. 

Misaki reminded Aichi to give her one of whatever’s in the lunchbag. It was a mix of flavors of muffin. She picked the chocolate chip one and sent the boy on his way. 

She asked Shin about the “surprise,” he tripped and fell, and from the floor he said that she was going to train him in the Grade 3. 

Misaki thought back to her parent’s deck, the one she searched for and found shortly after meeting Emi. 

My parents would be proud, and Aichi would be my friend--although I’m sure he already considers us friends. She smiled fondly at the thought of the matriarch-in-training. 

Yes, he is a good confidante. I’d I’ll return the favor.

Misaki made a noise of approval to the shop manager. 

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Misaki put up a front of not knowing anything. As soon as she spoke, Aichi caught on and played along--gasping with the idiots when she said she never played.

Even Aichi can get bored. He would lean at the counter, and they’d whisper at undetectable decibels--the appearance of mouthing rather than conversation if you were more than two inches away. She even gave him her number in case he wanted to talk--and vice-versa.

Well, she also got his house number, but those calls are always and will always awkward. Emi is an awful little s**t, to be frank. 

It is not like they have regular communication, though. 

Misaki decided to use the new deck that Shin made.

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Miwa entered the shop, making noise, Kai not with him.

Aichi frowned, looked about to water when he didn’t hear a second set of footsteps. Misaki sighed and put on a hand on the bluenet’s shoulder. She squeezed it, sending vibes of her own worry and comfort to the boy. It’s ok. You will always have the simp vibes.  

Aichi lightened up a bit, never letting his eyes leave the placemat. 

Misaki elected to ignore the three morons in favor of sympathizing with her maybe-friend. He looked like he wanted to snicker and giggle, but today is not a day for that. 

Misaki has a better handle on the cards than in canon, truth be told. She watched Aichi cardfight more during her free-time, especially interested in watching Aichi making non-shota faces and twitches and movements and posturing. 

The free food also helped.

Back to the fight, she could tell that Aichi decided to not go easy on her. It would hurt both her pride and his. And, again, she has a nice, standard grip on the cards. 

...

“Lowzenge Mahjus.”

“Lozenge Maygus.” Aichi hissed not a millisecond later. 

A brief staring contest, then Misaki caved.

“Lozenge Magus.”

...

“I ride Little Sage Marron.” He called impassioned. Nobody else noticed. 

They saw Aichi in Marron’s garb, and he honestly looks adorable in that. He did say that he wants to impress Kai with that...

“Aichi, where’s the passion?” she whispered almost inaudibly.

He closes his eyes when attacking her with the Vanguard. But why?

They didn’t discuss or bring up any Vanguard stuff--they didn’t have to--in favor of the more comforting topic of shared secrets. Sometimes, if within reach, he would automatically move to help, never seeming to notice. It could be a symptom of his training, or arguing with his sibling, or a characteristic he developed as an immature waifu. So he had to be taught new functions of the game, like that there are cards you can’t guard against.

“Draw!” Aichi smirked almost villainously. It must be...

“Arise, my avatar!” He shouted in an attempt to mimic his senpai (Morikawa protested). “Blaster Blade!”

“Gaaaaay!” She whispered to themselves. Aichi briefly leered. 

...

“CEO Amaterasu!”

“CEO Amaterasu...” he repeated in reverence.

Indeed, they both recognize the importance of that figure. 

Luckily, Aichi quickly recognized the importance and implications of placing a card at the top or bottom of the deck.

He briefly forgot that the Heal Trigger only activates if your Damage Zone has an equal or greater number of cards than your opponent’s. 

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Aichi’s eyes darkened, hardened, desperate when she placed a card on top of the deck. He knows it could be a critical trigger.

Oh yes, the pranks, the creepy laughter, the maniacal cackling calling Morikawa a loser as he lost to his criticals. Aichi managed to keep the volume down to Astham-Attack Parseltongue. From a book he read in its Japanese translation.

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“If you don’t have any Grade 3s, you’re done for!”

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“If you ever need any help with Vanguard,  I’d be happy to teach you!”

“No, I will.” Misaki hissed to the man, eyes narrowed. Scared as s**t, he acquiesced. Aichi sweatdropped. He’s built up a tolerance to a female’s anger while acquiring it himself.  

Misaki could see the gay sparkling in his eyes, bright as Aurora Borealis, as inevitable as Polaris. He must be thinking about Kai now. Misaki let her lips upturn, satisfied that her friend is on the right track to getting stronger, better, happier to meet his crush and idol. “Misaki, you’re smiling!”

She bonked them on the head, acting the tsundere. So far, only Aichi has earned the honor of her positivity. 

She discreetly waved Aichi over, leaning in to draw him to whisper-range. Once there, in a position that looks like they might be kissing, eyes locked like vaults, she whispered, “Why do you look away from my boobs?”

Aichi’s eyes widened. Then settled down again, pleading. “I-I don’t like boobs. Never have. Only my mother’s and sister’s. I can only hope that she never--em, matures--or I’ll never be able to look at her completely straight again.”

Her breath hitches, stops for a moment, trying to adjust. A momentary silence, Aichi looking more scared--scared of losing his friend, losing Misaki, scaredofbeingabnormaldespitehisshamelesssexuality--and Misaki does the right, the lightest, the best thing for anyone imaginable. “It’s ok, Aichi. I’m fine with it--besides, it just makes you gayer!”

Aichi blushed, Misaki giggled, and once more they have no need to speak their minds. 

The eyes are the windows to the soul, they say.

You know what hurts the most about being someone like me?

It’s not the curse. Not the loneliness.

It’s you.

The way you look at the world—untainted, unburdened. That laugh of yours, untouched by anything cruel.

You are something… familiar.

Like a mirror. Like a reflection of me, from long ago, before all this.

"You're familiar like my mirror years ago."

Funny, isn’t it? I, the corrupted one, obsessed not with sin— but with something I can never touch.

I could destroy everything I want.

But not you.

Because in you, I see the last proof that I wasn’t always a monster.

So here I stand. Close, but never reaching. Watching, but never claiming.