So today I was reminded just how much my past trauma and gaslighting still affects me and my work.
I was running a test with a subject and they didn't follow the directions.
And I immediately was like "I didn't explain it well enough. I have to stop and explain, but I didn't plan for having to stop and explain in the middle of the experiment and then completely restart. So now I'm out of time and it's all my fault."
Like literally it was their fault for not following the directions and not asking for clarification if they couldn't hear me.
I'm still taking this as an opportunity to learn, but honestly when my supervisor was like "Oh that's not your fault" it just immediately clicked in my head that I'm still internalizing my problems and blaming myself for things I really don't need to.
So stay vigilant out there folks! Not everything is your fault!