#internal panic

"Hey! Orym? Are you alright?" he could hear Dorian call out but couldn't really get himself to reply, lest he sounded like he didn't want this to happen today, or worse, make it to be a nice way to let Dorian down.

"Hey, Dor... Everything is-" he choked and coughed a little on the water he had been drinking in a semblance of normality, causing Dorian to rush over.

"What happened? Why have you been crying? Is something wrong? Did something bad happen and we have to get back right now?"

"What? No no no! Nothing like that happened! It is just me. And my overthinking. Nothing's wrong."

"Orym..."

Orym flopped onto the grass, back to the trunk as he gestured for Dorian to do the same.

"This tree... is really very special to me," he started off as Dorian tried to pull him closer.

"Is it?"

"Yeah... it's seen a lot of relationships. It is almost the love tree of the country,"

"Interesting..."

"But it had also seen a lot of failed ones too. So many over the years. And I haven't been completely honest with you. You weren't my first relationship... you weren't really any of my firsts as this tree has seen me go through all the stages someday... But I want it to! Doing this here, right now, it means a lot to me but..."

"Love. Take it slow. We are in no hurry and I am not going to leave you at any point. You are safe. Is this the explanation why you feel so guilty around me sometimes?" he asked gently.

Orym froze, not really expecting Dorian to have coined that but it made sense, didn't it? He didn't really try to hide it sometimes.

"Kind of. Like I said... I was in a relationship before and I know I should've said it before but every time I wanted to I just feared that-"

"I would leave?" Dorian guess and Orym nodded. "Look, I know you went through something traumatic and I am not going to leave you for that, alright?"

"Even if it means you getting to know I was married before?" Orym asked in doubt.

"Especially if it was you letting me know that you were married before."

"You knew?"

"You talk in your sleep sometimes, some days more than others. Not to mention the ring that you avoid and never wear when you are around me, silently kept hidden and taken out only when I sleep."

"Oh... And you didn't..."

"I wanted you to talk to me about it comfortably without me pressurising you because I know it will be difficult for you to talk. I did ask your mother once and she asked me to give you time, so I did."

Orym stayed silent for a few moments before giving him a watery smile. "Thank you. His name... was Will. We grew up together and fell in love, got married... it was beautiful, truly. I love you but... sometimes... I just feel like I am not giving you enough because there is still this void of me missing him. That you deserve better than some broken-hearted widower? But then I see you and... I just can't..."

"Love, I don't know if I say this enough but I love you, void and all. And you don't have to talk about this if you don't want to."

"I want to!" he exclaimed. "I want you to know because it is an important part of me and my life and I don't want you to be clueless if something happens and you didn't know why, alright? Not like... not like I was."

Dorian shifted Orym onto his lap and snuggled him close, humming in reply.

"Anyway. It had been a few rough days back to back and... we just wanted to have a nice time after a long time so Will had left this letter at home, saying there was a surprise for me up the hill, you know? It was around our 3rd anniversary at that point and... I didn't really know what to expect but... Will was standing on the hill when I came up and we were just talking, you know but then suddenly there was a noise and Will slipped. It had rained that day and the sand was sludgy and slippery, I barely caught myself and was trying to steady him but he..." Orym broke down, sobbing as Dorian gently rubbed his back, letting Orym take his own time to calm down.

"He rolled down, cracked his head and medics said he died on the spot like I didn't know that. Now, I know it was an accident, alright. I know it was an accident, that I couldn't do anything in that situation but my thoughts sometimes reel in's ugly head and love to taunt me about how I wasn't fast enough, strong enough, I wasn't enough and especially after that accident... it was hard to live on. It was hard to come back to this place, no matter how important it is to me. Until I met you."

At this he gave another watery smile as he looked up, hands grasping onto the larger ones on his waist. "The reason... the reason why I called you today... I know I was acting weird and you thought I was being suicidal the other day when I almost slipped off the cliff and I just wanted you to know that while I might seem that way, I never, ever would leave you like that unless someone else does it."

He took a deep breath. "Also, this place is important to me, like I've said before and I wanted to share it with you. And the fact that this is the place where I feel closest to Will and I want you both to meet so bad because I know he would've loved you too. I feel like this is the place you may meet in spirit, if not physical and I really wanted to do this right without breaking down but I can't help it. I wasn't kidding when I said this tree has too many memories."

"And we will make more memories with it." he immediately said as he tried to wipe away his own tears.

"I didn't make things... weird, right?"

"What! No! No! You didn't! I am just... processing. It was... a lot."

"Yeah?"

"But I am happy that you trust me and were willing to open up to me about this. It was brave of you, knowing how hard it would be."

"You needed to know. You deserved to know."

"And I am glad you told me."

"Sometimes... I wish we had magic, you know? To bring back people from the dead. We have so many, for healing, for minor stuff. But I sometimes wish we had spells like that too."

"Would it be worth it?"