#insecure!sam

“Great. And you?”

“Better now” Dean winks before taking Sam’s bag on his back

They walk toward Baby, Dean’s protective arms around him, ignoring the way some of the students look at them. Sam is 16, and yet, everyday without exception, his big brother comes and gets him, hugging him like he hadn’t see him in ages.

They started dating two years ago, after a huge storm in the middle of nowhere forced them to stay in a cabin for a whole week, with nothing else to do but talk to each other, and, after a while, confess their feeling.

“Earth to Sammy, can you hear me?” Dean asks, passing his hand in front of Sam’s face “Are you asleep?”

“Yeah, because you drive like a grandma” Sam replies rolling his eyes

“Me? I drive like a grandma?” He looks hurt for a moment, both of his hands on his heart and Sam almost believes it.

But before he can do anything, Dean is pulling him by his shirt until he can smack their lips together. Sam automatically opens his mouth, allowing Dean to slide his tongue inside. Sam doesn’t have a lot of experiences, but he’s sure that Dean is the best kisser in the whole world. He puts just the right among of tongue, enough to send Sam over the edge, but not too make him feel sick.

“Do I kiss like a grandma, too?” Dean asks, breaking the kiss

“No, definitely not” Sam is already panting, and he can feel his dick responding to Dean’s kiss. It’s almost pathetic, how weak he is for Dean kiss.

Dean drops another kiss on his lips before opening his door, and Sam puts his pants correctly before walking out of the car.

Of course, Dean is already in his personal space, pushing Sam against the car and sliding between his legs. Sam knows right away that Dean can feel his hard on, because he’s able to feel his brother’s one himself.

“Shit, the things you do to me” Dean whispers, kissing him again

It’s risky, to do that here, where everyone could see them, but right now, none of them care. Dean is ravishing his mouth, kissing him as deep as possible, licking the inside of his mouth like it’s the only reason he lives for.

Sam happily lets him do it, and without realizing it, he slides his legs around Dean’s waist, giving him all the access that he needs.

“You’re so perfect”

Maybe it’s the word “Perfect” that makes Sam’s body freeze, or maybe it’s the fact that he’s one second away from coming, but all he knows is that he needs to get away from Dean. Now.

“We should go inside” He says, pushing Dean gently away

“Good idea”

His brother takes his hand in his, and they walk toward the motel room as fast as possible.

“So, where were we?” Dean asks as soon as the door is closed

“I need to do my homework, so…”

Dean can’t hide his disappointment, and Sam feels bad for him, he does, but he can’t do it. Not now.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to, far from that. He’s been thinking about Dean’s dick since he understood what sex was. But Dean is 20, he’s beautiful, glorious even, and he had a lot, lot of girlfriends. Girlfriends that knew what to do, how to do it, who could move their bodies perfectly like Mandy does. He wishes he could be like her, like them, but his body is too awkward, and he can’t be sexy for shit.

Dean is experienced, but more than that, Dean thinks Sam is perfect. He keeps telling him, again and again, how beautiful, perfect, glorious Sam is. How he can’t wait to finally taste every part of his body. But what will happen, once he realizes how bad Sam is at it? Or what if he sees him naked, finally, and all he can see is the clumsy boy that he is? He doesn’t want Dean to make fun of him, doesn’t want Dean to leave him.

Sometimes, he wants to tell Dean to go find a girl, and to have sex with her. It will hurt him, more than anything, but at least Dean won’t die from blue balls.

The atmosphere between them is tense, but Sam choose to focus on his homework instead of talking with Dean. He can feel his brother’s eyes on him, watching every one of his movement, but he pretends not to care.

“Hey Sammy?” Dean asks after a while

“Yeah?”

“Can I… Can I ask you something?”

“You just did” Sam answers, trying to protect himself with sarcasm. Dean rolls his eyes before getting up from the bed and sitting on the floor next to Sam. Is it the moment Dean will tell him that it’s over? That he doesn’t want to be with him anymore? His heart is beating so strong that he’s afraid it may go out of his chest.

“So, I was doing some… Research, and you see, I’ve found this… Thing, I guess. It’s… It says that some people are asexual. That they don’t… They don’t have sexual attraction, toward another person. I thought –“

“I’m not asexual” Sam says, not even letting Dean finish his sentence

“Are you sure? Because it’s alright if you are, Sammy. It’s not a disease or anything, and I can deal with it without any problems”

“I’m not asexual, Dean” Sam repeats again, even through he’s touched at how much Dean tries to reassure him.

Dean licks his lips before smiling sadly, making Sam frowns in incomprehension.

“So I’m the problem then”

“What?”

“I… Sammy, I love you. I love you more than anyone, and anything on earth, but if you… If you don’t want to be with me that way, it’s ok. You can tell me, I won’t love you less”

“You’re breaking up with me?” Sam asks, tears already picking up his eyes

“No, I’m giving you a way out. I… I can see how you freeze every time we… Touch. I can feel you getting hard, but you stop right after that, and I can’t – I can’t understand why. Or couldn’t, at least”

“It’s not that, Dean, I promise it’s not”

“Then why, Sam? I- I don’t need sex. I don’t need it, at all. But I can see that it’s bothering you, and I can see that you want it too, but you just… You need to talk to me, Sammy. Because I’m your boyfriend, but I’m your best friend too. And more important, I’m your big brother. You can always count on me, no matter what”

Sam wants to answer but his throat is too tight, and he realizes he’s crying when Dean is pulling him in his arms, rocking him like he used to do when he was a baby. He rubs his hair and whispers comforting words, and Sam feels even more guilty for making Dean doubted himself for even a second.

“I’m scared that… That I won’t be good enough” He whispers, his face hidden in Dean’s neck “I’m scared you won’t find me beautiful, or that I won’t do the right thing. I’m not… I never done that, and I don’t want you to leave me”

“You think I would leave you because of sex?” Dean frowns “Sammy, it’s gonna take more than that to drag me away from you”

“I’m gonna suck at it”

“The only thing you’re gonna suck will be my dick, babe”

“Dean!” Sam yells, hitting his shoulder “It’s not funny!”

“Yes, it is” Dean says, taking Sam’s hands in his “Me leaving you because of sex? That’s the funiest thing I ever heard. I know that you don’t see yourself the way I see you, but Sammy, you’re beautiful. All the girls I was with, it’s not… They didn’t matter, for me. When I had sex with them, all I could think about was you. It’s your first time, but it’s mine too, somehow. You’re 16, Sam, I was a virgin too at your age”

“Yeah, but-“

“No” Dean threats, pushing his finger against Sam’s lips “I’m glad you saved yourself for me, because I want to be the first and only one to ever be with you. I love you”

“I love you too” Sam replies, a dark blush spreading through his face. “I’m sorry I was weird”

“I knew you were weird the day you chose to watch a documentary instead of a cartoon”

They share a laugh before Dean pushes the rest of the tears away, cleaning Sam’s face with his fingers.

“Sammy, don’t ever think you can’t talk to me. I’m here for you, always, and I will stay with you even if I need to wait forever before having sex”

“Even if I’m never ready?”

“I said forever, didn’t I?”

Dean smiles at him before kissing him slowly, trying to share all of the love he has for him in one kiss.

Forever happened one hour after that, on the bed of a motel room in the middle of nowhere, sweet words and never-ending promises being exchanged. Maybe Mandy knew how to move her body to be attractive, but she had no idea how to get to Dean’s heart. That was Sam personal skill.

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Dean didn't really get what Sam’s problem was. Sure, the freshman was still kinda short, still way too skinny. But he had Winchester genes! He was a good looking kid! He had these big, intelligent hazel eyes that made you feel like the most important person in the world when he’s listens to you. He was so considerate and passionate towards people and animals. He was adorable with dorky glasses that he actually pulls off pretty well.

Hell, Dean trains with Sam everyday after school so he knows the kids body is toned. So he’s a bit overprotective of his baby brother, who cares? Dean wants Sam prepared for anything! He just didn't get why Sam was so awkward around people? He was so insecure, it hurt Dean to think Sam never thought he was good enough. That was about to change though.

Dean was able to force Sam on a little trip with him to a lake where most teens hung out. Dean’s been there loads of times with his friends but Sam still seemed to be having trouble making them. It’s been a problem since they were children. Sam’s only friend growing up was Dean and that’s how it stayed till high school, it seemed. Dean had other friends that he hangs out with but Sam is all alone. 

Dean glanced at his pouting baby brother and snorted lightly. Sam had on a baggy hoodie and one of Dean’s swim shorts. Dean himself only had a tank and shorts on but Sam seemed pretty firm about hiding his body. It didn't make sense. Sam’s glasses were sliding down his nose as he read a book he insisted on bringing because I’m not getting in the water, Dean. If you’re making me do this then at least let me have some peace. 

Dean parked the car as they pulled up to the familiar lake front. Dean had towels to lay on the grass and a cooler with snacks and drinks. He was going to get Sam to open up a bit, build confidence. Sam heaved a sigh, sliding out of the impala and helping Dean carry things to the lake. Dean spotted a few friends of his and waved happily, Sam awkwardly walking by his side.

Dean found a nice shaded area he knew Sam would enjoy, seeing as most people preferred to sit out in the sun. Sam laid down his towel before plopping himself down as well, opening his book and starting to read. Dean sighed, shredding his shirt off. He could feel the stares and it made him puff his chest out. Yep, he knew he was one attractive bastard. Deal with it.

“You can go, Dean,” Sam stated quietly. Dean blinked in surprise, raising an eyebrow. “I know you have friends here. I’ll be fine.”

“Dude, no. I came here to spend time with you,” Dean frowned at Sam’s generally surprised look. His chest hurt to think Sam questioned just wanting to spend time together. “We haven't done that lately, have we?”

“You’re a busy guy,” Sam shrugged, looking back down in his book. “You’re also a senior. Gotta make it the best year before you leave, ya know?”

That startled Dean for sure. Leave? Where did Sam think he was gonna go? To college? He would come to that later. Dean stretched and nudged Sam with his leg. 

“C’mon, dude. Lose the hoodie. It’s freaking hot out here so you must be dying in that thing.”

“Dean―”

“Sammy,” Dean whined. Sam sighed and stood, swiftly pulling off the red, worn fabric. Dean smiled broadly, checking his brother out proudly. He worked good on the kid. Sam used to be pale and skinny―well he still is skinny―but a lot of it had turned into lean muscle. Sam was already developing a six pack from the hardass training and Dean’s shorts barely covered the dip of Sam’s hips. His baby brother was hot and he wasn't ashamed to acknowledge it. If only Sam would too, then this wouldn't be a problem.

Dean reach out and pulled Sam’s glasses off. The kid didn't need them in this situation. He ruffled Sam’s hair, giving him an adorable messy look. Dean could already hear talk, just like always, and Sam seemed to shrink a bit at the sound.

“Nah Uh, none of that,” Dean waved his pointer finger in a ‘No No’ way. A mischevious smirk that made Sam uneasy fell onto Dean’s face. Before Sam could question what Dean was about to do, his big brother scooped him up bridal style and took off to the water.

“Dean, I swear to God if you throw me in that lake I will kick your ass!” Sam shrieked. Dean ran till he was knee deep before doing what his brother screamed at him not to do. Sam flew a little ways away and landed with a big splash. Dean cheered, walking deeper in the water. Sam popped up a few seconds later, letting out a cough before glaring at Dean. “You are so DEAD!” 

Dean laughed, splashing at Sam who quickly splashed back, taking a leaping jump at Dean. The younger teen was able to knock them both over and laughed at Dean’s drenched look.

“Y-You look like a wet cat!” Sam snickered, a dimpled smile on his face.

“Oh yeah?” Dean snarked back, wiggling his fingers tauntingly. “Well what do you think about this?” Dean grabbed his baby brother by the waist, tickling the wet skin with a fake evil laugh. “I’ve gotcha now, Sammy! MUAHAHAHA!”

“Nohoho! DEHEHEHEAN!” Sam squealed, immediately trying to find a way to escape. Dean found the bottom of Sam’s ribs and pressed the kid to his chest so he got better access. “AHAHAHA! YOU CHEHEHEATER!”

“That's not nice to say, Sammy.”

“Y-YOHOHOU’RE NOHOHOT NIHIHCE!”

“Oh, that’s it!” Dean went for the kill, cupping Sam’s sides and attacking his lean tummy. Sam cackled loudly, twisting wildly in Dean’s grip as loud, happy laughter escaped the small teen.

“DEHEHE!”

“Oh so I’m De now?”

“IHIHI’M GOHOHONNA GEHEHET YOOOOOOOU!” Sam screeched when Dean leaned down and blew a raspberry along his neck, adorable giggles mixing in the loud shrieks. Sam put all his body weight into one shove to the side, dunking them right back into the water. Only this time, Sam was able to swim behind Dean and dug his hands right into Dean’s hips.

“SAHAHAHAMMY!” Dean shouted, laughter immediately pouring out of the older Winchester. Sam grinned, squeezing the bone faster and making sure to get the skin right before the hips. “NAHAHAHA! NOOO!”

People around the lake stared in awe at the Winchester boys who seemed to be in their own world. It was amazing to have a relationship like that and it made them slightly jealous they weren't apart of it.

Sam gave Dean a raspberry on his back, shocking the Winchester before giving the taller teen a hard shove. Dean tumbled into the water with a yelp, coming back up a second later to see Sam sprinting for the shore.

“You little bitch!” Dean cried out, racing after his baby brother. Sam giggled high pitched and childlike, running as fast as he could to their tree of shade. He was suddenly tackled from behind, only inches from their camp. The Winchester’s wrestled one another, Dean pinning Sam at last and tickling his tummy again.

“NAHAHA! DEHEHEHEAN! STAHAHAP IHIHIT!” Sam cackled, feet kicking wildly as Dean blew huge raspberries on Sam’s sides and belly. “NOHOHO MOHOHORE! I’M SOHOHORRY!”

“You should be, brat,” Dean huffed, rolling off his little brother with a wide grin. Sam curled up, residue laughter escaping along with tiny giggles when Dean tweaked his sides.

“Please stohop.”

“Okay, okay, I’m done.”

Sam sighed in relief, laying on his back with big breaths. Dean followed suit, pressing their shoulder’s together. The calmness of it all, the familiarity, it was everything the two boys knew. It was all they knew.

“So,” Dean started softly, turning to face Sam. “Why do you act to antisocial, Sammy?”

Sam blinked surprised, facing Dean as well. “Huh?”

“You never like going outside, hang out with friends. I know you don't like being alone so why don't you go out?”

“I don't,” Sam wrinkled his nose and sighed. “I don't want to rely on anyone else.”

Now it was Dean’s turn to look confused.

“I mean...none of them are you, Dean. You’ve been my best friend for as long as I could remember. I don't want anyone else.”

“Sammy,” Dean said softly, “Dude, I am always gonna be your best friend. Just like you’re mine! But, meeting people, interacting and getting disappointed is part of growing up...” Dean paused, biting his lip. “I-I’m thinking about going to college.”

Sam looked at Dean with wide eyes, “Really?”

“Yeah, but I need to know you’re taken care of. I don't like leaving you here alone, Sammy.”

“Dean, you can’t decide not to go to college because of me!” Sam scolded, eyes still holding disbelief.

“I can and I will. Sammy, don't you dare think there is anything past or present I would put in front of you,” Dean stated, cupping Sam’s neck and pressing their forehead together. “I need you to see that, I mean, it’s my job right? Looking after my pain in the ass little brother.”

Sam let out a watery laugh, tears leaking down his cheeks. He threw himself at Dean, holding his big brother tightly. Dean easily reciprocated, burying his nose in Sam’s hair and let out a sigh.

“Go to college, Dean,” Sam mumbled, pulling back. Dean melted as Sam gave him his big dimpled grin. “I’ll try harder to make friends but you’re always gonna be my best.”

“Wouldn't have it any other way, Sammy.”

~Fin~