Kyle, texting Jason: Text me when you’re home safely. Jason: I’m home dangerously. Kyle: Stop it. Jason: I’m home lethally.

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Kyle, texting Jason: Text me when you’re home safely. Jason: I’m home dangerously. Kyle: Stop it. Jason: I’m home lethally.

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Jason: I don’t even have time to tell you how wrong you are. Kyle: Okay? Jason: … Jason: … Jason: Actually it’s gonna bug me if I don’t, so—
Jason: sharpens knife We've got ways of making people talk. Jason: Cuts piece of cake. Kyle: … Kyle: Can I have some? Jason: Cake is for talkers.
Jason: "I lost a bet." Jason: The second-most ominous phrase in existence. Kyle: What's the first? Jason: "Let's make a bet."
Kyle: Jason, is that my mug you’re drinking out of? Jason: No, it’s mine. Kyle: It… looks just like the one I have… Jason: You don’t have one like this anymore.

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Kyle: Relationships should be 50/50. Jason cooks us dinner while I sit on the kitchen counter looking pretty.
Jason: Kyle, you do remember when we agreed we were better off as friends, right? Kyle, naked in Jason's bed: No, I absolutely do not. Jason, already taking off their clothes: Fuck… Me neither.
Jason: I'm trash. Kyle: As someone who's environmentally conscious, it's my duty to pick you up. Does 7 work for you? Jason: Jason: You smooth motherfucker. Jason: And yes it does.