beckett: i sleep with a gun under my pillow.
castle: i sleep with a knife.
ryan: both of you are pathetic.
beckett: oh yeah? what do you sleep with?
ryan: esposito
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beckett: i sleep with a gun under my pillow.
castle: i sleep with a knife.
ryan: both of you are pathetic.
beckett: oh yeah? what do you sleep with?
ryan: esposito

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INCORRECT RYSPOSITO QUOTES (2/?)
Esposito: How long are you going to stay here and let him do that?
Beckett: Just give him a minute.
Castle: *pushing on a door that clearly says pull*
Ryan, texting Espo: I keep getting accused of being a clownfucker in the notes of my clown themed sex post
Esposito: Ryan, I’d love for you to reread the words you just typed and sent
Beckett: *holding Lanie’s hand over her stomach so she can feel the baby kick* Sorry this is taking so long, he kicked for everybody else.
Castle: It’s hard for the little guy to perform under pressure.
Ryan: Top ten things Castle said on his wedding night.
Lanie: Woah!! It was small, but I think I felt something!
Esposito: Top ten things Beckett said on her wedding night.
*Beckett laughs*
Castle: Stop laughing at it, Beckett!
Everyone: Top ten things Castle said on his wedding night!

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Beckett: Hey Castle, can you help me with this zipper?
Castle: Of course!
Beckett:
Beckett: UP, Castle.
Castle: Right, sorry.
Lily: Why do people congratulate you when Mom is the one making the baby?
Castle: I helped
Lily: How?
Castle: …
Lily: …
Castle: I read her the instructions
Ryan: Wait, you two are sleeping together????
Castle: Only when we’re done having sex…
Beckett: *facepalms*