#in case

shen jiu only thinks yue qingyuan would ever touch him because he isn't in his right mind, lost control, had no other option. so the only sexual scenarios he can feasibly imagine are non consensual for them both. of course, he despises himself for it. the idea is far too shamefully enticing. even if he has no one else, even if he isn't himself at the moment, the idea of qi ge needing him is so addicting. The sect leader, overcome with lust for him? Unable to stop himself from taking him? A filthy fantasy, but one too deliriously heady to keep himself from having. Imagine, it actually happens though. Yue Qingyuan is hit with a potent aphrodisiac and who else would he come to but xiao jiu? Yue qingyuan feels so guilty he genuinely considers suicide. How could he turn around and act the same as QJL, inflict that horrible wound on the man he had always only wanted to save? Shen Jiu has seen his most terrible fantasy fuffiled, and he hates how much he enjoyed it. But most of all, he hates how his fears have (seemingly) been confirmed. Yue Qingyuan is disgusted at having been forced to touch him. Yue Qingyuan would never want him like that of his own free will.