#imsfire2

“I'm looking for the Starbreaker's crew,” she asked around, briefly kneeling beside strangers. “Heard anything?”

Empty faces shook their heads silently as Jyn went through the groups of prisoners sitting on the dusty ground. “Starbreaker's crew? No?”

She attracted curious stares, but no one found the courage to inquire on the matter. Those people had been here for weeks, months maybe, they had no energy to spare for an obsessive woman asking questions about a lost ship.

Moving towards the back of the underground prison, Jyn caught the profile of a man that seemed painfully familiar in the oppressive darkness. “Cassian?” she called with sickening hope, only to let her hand fall back when she realized it wasn't him.

Jyn stood up and scanned the dark room, asphyxiated by her internal fears. What if he wasn't here? What then? What will she do now that she was locked up with a bunch of prisoners in this shithole of a planet? Talk about a flawed plan…

Barely keeping her brain from freezing in panic, Jyn didn't notice the person following her—until a young voice startled her from her existential dread. “You're looking for Cassian?”

Jyn flung around. “Yes,” she said, facing a dark-haired boy that couldn't be much older than twelve. “You've seen him?”

The boy nodded and Jyn forgot all of her following questions, her face suddenly burning from anxiety. Cassian's here. He’s alive.

She quickly walked into the footsteps of this stranger as he gestured for her to follow.

Behind a curved wall, laying on the ground under a dirty rag, Jyn discovered the silhouette of an unconscious man. She kneeled in a hurry, her mind trying to reconcile her memories of him with the brutal reality. For a shameful amount of seconds, she wanted to say: no, that's not him. But it was. Ish’ka… it was.

Jyn cupped his face between shaky hands, feeling the burn of a feverish skin under her touch. His eyes were rimmed by dark circles, the hollow of his cheeks eaten away by a full-grown beard. She could barely tell if he was breathing and, when she checked, found that his pulse was weak and shallow.

Cassian looked beyond miserable. He looked like a dying man.

“Cassian,” she called in vain, “can you hear me?”

“Careful,” the boy told her with a protective stance. Jyn decided to pay him some more attention for his tone alone. When she looked at him with a questioning gaze, he pointed toward Cassian’s legs. “He’s got a bad injury.”

Jyn had seen plenty of bad.

It didn't even begin to describe the horror of what she discovered under that smelling sheet. Blood drained from her face with a gush of nausea. She tried her best not to gag at the sight of the wound, fear in her guts. She could only imagine; Cassian had taken a blaster shot to the lower leg, or maybe caught the explosion of a mine—not a direct impact, a bursting of heat that caused the skin to implode.

It would have taken long enough to heal, had he been able to access medicare immediately. The non-treatment only led to an infection of the damaged tissues, coloring the surrounding skin with a contrasting dark color, and inviting more bacteria to feast on the scene. Jyn could almost smell it over the putrid odor of that place. She feared the infection had passed into his bloodstream already.

“I tried to clean it,” the boy said with a shy voice, “but here…”

Jyn tried to focus her mind on him long enough to reply. Although she knew nothing about him, he seemed genuinely distraught by Cassian’s condition, which pierced through the walls of blind terror surrounding Jyn's heart.

“I'm sure you did your best,” she said and touched his arm. “What's your name?”

“Horizon, ma'am. People call me Hoz.”

“Thank you, Hoz.”

The boy lowered his voice hesitantly, glancing around with a frown as if he was about to deliver sensitive intel. “Are you… Jyn?”

Her eyebrows draw higher with careful hesitation. She considered the surprising possibility that Cassian had made friends with the boy—which was somewhat out of character... or telling her everything she needed to know about Hoz.

“Did he tell you about me?”

The boy shrugged. “He didn't tell your name at first… only that he needed to go home. But sometimes, he calls for a Jyn, so I figured…”

She felt like someone had punched her in the guts. “How long since you last talked with him?”

“It's been… a couple of days, ma'am. Are you here to get us free? The… Alliance?”

A tinge of disappointment crawls up his spine. His yearning for them is visceral, driving him to irrationality. No one should be awake at this hour, least of all their kids, but he misses them like a man dying of thirst in the desert. He wants to wrap Jyn in a hug and kiss her forehead, he wants to sit Lu on his lap and braid her hair or tickle her feet and hear her squeal, he wants to pick up Sammi and sing to him until he falls asleep or make those silly faces that always puts a wide grin on his face.

Sleep be damned, he wants nothing but his family. He could cook them something they loved and pull out a board game, something Lu could play as well. Or they could go sledding on the hill, build a snowman, make snow angels. They could cuddle up on the couch and watch a holo. Anything as long as they’re by his side.

He’s already making plans of waking up early tomorrow to surprise them with breakfast and hot chocolate when he finally reaches their bedroom and falters at the doorway. His heart finally eases. He wanted to put down his bag and check on the kids before settling in beside Jyn, but there’s no need. They’re here, all three of them, sleeping peacefully in the double bed he shares with Jyn.

She’s on her side of the bed, her hair fanning out around her, her breathing even. The white shirt she’s wearing, peeking out of the blankets, is his. Their son, only six months old, slumbers on her chest, a pacifier in his mouth. Jyn’s got a protective arm wrapped around him, his tiny hand fisting her shirt. Already, he looks older, hair thicker than he remembers, and Cassian mourns each and every second he missed with him during his three-week absence. On the other side of the bed is Luisa, clutching her favorite bantha plushie in one hand and holding Jyn’s in the other. They try not to make a habit out of letting her sleep with them, unless she has a nightmare, but he isn’t surprised Jyn allowed her into their bed while he was away. She likes to keep her loved ones close where she can keep an eye on them.

Cassian’s heart squeezes, his love for them choking the air from his lungs. He’s missed them all so dearly, and although he can’t wait to hear Luisa’s laugh and Sammi’s babbling and Jyn’s tender welcome, this, standing here in front of them and watching, is enough for now.

He doesn’t move for so long that Jyn peeks an eye open, her voice quiet and sleepy. “Are you getting in or not?”

She’s awake, of course she is. His arrival had woken her because no matter how many years pass, they would always be the people who catalog every exit route when entering a new location and wake to the tiniest of noises in the middle of the night. Sleeping through a stranger entering your home is the kind of mistake that gets you killed, and he knows they would both sooner die than let anything happen to their kids.

They’re still so young and innocent, knowing nothing of fear and pain and hunger, living the kind of childhood they deserve to have. At Lu’s age, he was already an orphan, and Jyn was already on the run with her parents. But their kids will never experience that kind of desolation, and he’d fight another war, sacrifice his life and soul just to keep it that way.

All those years he spent giving away tiny pieces of himself for the cause, all those times he nearly lost hope, unsure of what they were fighting for… This is it. The peace he feels when looking at his family. The future he can give to his children who will grow up better than they did. It was worth every injury, every loss, every atrocity he committed. It was worth the lifetime of sorrow he’d lived just to get here.

“Yeah, in a moment,” he tells Jyn, mirroring her tone. There’s just enough space for him between the three of them. It’ll be a tight fit, but he doesn’t mind. “I’ll take a quick shower and get changed.”