#impossiblequestion

Hello. I am that mom who was asked an impossible question that I wish I could have answered much differently.

Recently a close friend of mine asked me if my feelings about motherhood would change if I had a different type of child. Initially I was taken aback by such a brazen question as it was not clear as to what her motivation was for making what I felt was an exploitative inquiry.

But because the question came from such a dear friend who happens to be a mother too, I answered as truthfully as I could in that brief moment before our conversation was interrupted. Now that I have had time to mull over the merits of her question, I wish I could have more thoughtfully elaborated on my reply.

This is how I wish I had responded:

I have always maintained that motherhood is a deeply personal experience. Every parent will have a different truth that is unique to his or her journey. There is no wrong path or right path, there are just different paths traveled. For that reason alone I believe that any change in circumstances, such as having a child with different personality traits, would likely mean a different parenthood experience.

However, while having a different type of child would change one’s parenthood experience, I do not believe that change would be so significant as to profoundly alter my personal view on parenthood. The reason for that is because while the child might be different, the parent (in this case me) remains the same. There lies the crux of my issue with this impossible query. This question seems to assign blame or at minimum suggest that my difficult transition into motherhood is somehow due to my rambunctious son, which is simply not the case.

I am incredibly fortunate to be blessed with a son who is both happy and healthy, which are  undeniably the greatest gifts. Beyond that, he embodies all the qualities I hoped he would have even inheriting some bonus traits I never even dreamt of and am completely in awe of. My son is resilient and rambunctious with a sense of humor that leaves me in fits of laughter. He has an innate sense of adventure and a seemingly bottomless well of energy that will serve his exploratory spirit well in the years to come. Sure he is a handful as many children are, but I wouldn’t change a thing about him.

The truth of the matter is that my less than idyllic path into motherhood is more a reflection of my hang-ups and insecurities than it is a reflection of my son’s high-octane personality. Though I have found it difficult to transition into motherhood, I would not trade this experience for an easier one as the high highs and low lows of my journey are what make my parenting experience so rich and full of color.