do i wanna know? part. 2 | caleb x mentally ill! reader.
author's note: wowie, i didn't expect part one to blow up like it did. i don't often write part-two's but i felt like i had this in the drafts... so why not? i try not to dabble to much in caleb's dynamic cause we would genuinely have such a chaotic relationship lol. with that said..
cw / tw : reader is going through heavy grief. i, myself, am bipolar and have bad coping mechanisms. alcohol, cigarettes and casual hook-ups are mentioned. also, you actually push caleb. i truly just write so that i can understand my brain better lol. and i promise, a very happy ending. you can find part one here!
i've thought it through,
the colonel wasn't going to intervene.
truthfully, he wasn't.
he was too busy. caleb was too focused on his job. he couldn't interject in your life until he had secured the entire universe for you. he truly had to make sure that once he came back, you would forgive him. instantly it was only choice. if he were in your shoes... he would also have lost it a bit (maybe a bit more than you.)
but caleb had to intervene,
and one thing that they both agreed on was that you were so...
fucking stupid sometimes.
he could never say that to your face,
caleb adored you more than the sky that he flew in.
but, he as a colonel; caleb knew what was right and the things that were wrong. it didn't help that he grieved you all the same either. you had manage to occupy his every breathing thought. he hated the choices he made throughly yet couldn't think of any other way. it's a mix of disgust and fufillment. some days he thinks that the chip was what made him aggresive. other days, he knows it's the was the fact that the two of you were lab rats. lately, the fact that he / still is one / makes him furious. everything made him so angry and you couldn't help but do it too. you obviously wanted his attention.
he had been watching. he'd see you, after shifts - getting drunk under the pretext of celebration. you were kissing strangers and flying too close to the sun. he knew that you loved josephine. he knew that you loved him even more. he was an idiot for ever being able to think you were strong enough to do this without him. you needed him. you always did. you always said that.
now wasn't any different.
uniform or not,
you were still his girl and he's had enough.
that's why he's in linkon city.
he couldn't take it anymore.
caleb had a plan, he had everything maped out and there you were,
"do you have plans tonight?" a guy asks. he's irrelevant. he's too tall, he's too lanky - he's not your type. caleb can see your fallen lids and how you're visibly past the point of caring. you smile sweetly and before the words have the fortune of gracing his ear-
"she does."
you're frozen.
you don't know if it's the drinks or the ambiance, but you can't possibly tell. your eyes are much wider now and caleb seems absolutely tugged by your facial expressions. you look horrified. pained. does his memory hurt you so much? was he so horrible that you have to forget he ever existed?
"i'm drunk. i have to go home now. i think i'm seeing ghosts." you tell the flirtatious stranger in a slur of words that are too fast for him to even grasp. you're about to rush away, you hope to run to the bathroom - you had seen him haunting your bedroom but you had never thought it'd be possible to hallucinate him while drunk.
did you miss him that much?
your arm is tugged and it's not until you're recognizing the silhouette. until you're recognizing the skin on your own that you're reacting. it's like your every molecule activates when he's around. the people that are dancing don't seem to notice that your whole earth was shaken over as you're dragged out.
right around the corner - is when the snap comes.
he lied to you.
he's a liar.
he's alive.
you grieved him.
you shove him; the hardest you had never hurt him. you don't know what to think. you're drunk and you're crying. your heart is racing and you feel the twitch on your eye. caleb's stunted in place but he's not exactly surprised. you two often fought as children.
he doesn't even stumble and you don't know what to think. you're drunk. there's nothing but betrayal coursing through your veins. you're furious. you feel your heart grow so heavy with deception that it drags across your chest. you're in a blinded rage.
"pips, stop." he says; his back to you and you grab the fabric on his back. you're turning him around forcefully. he needs to listen. no, he will listen to you.
"you lied to me!" you had never felt rage like this. your head is trembling with every single thing you thought you knew. "you left me when i needed you the most." the height difference between you two is irrelevant. you were holding your ground better than he was. "you are evil, you are cruel- you are-"
with a tumble, you're soon collapsing and being carried home.
twelve hours later, you wish you could tell him every single thing that you thought. you wish that you could tell him to go to hell and to shut the fuck up. you were boiling, furious; you were jealous, you were upset - you don't know how to put a single word on every single emotion that you're feeling right now.
"shut the fuck up." you hiss between wet kisses. it's five in the morning in linkon city and after an extremely long night, you simply bit the bullet. caleb knew your heart. he knew he had fucked up and he knew that this was all his fault. he knew that behind every single insult - you were so glad to see him. he knew it.
the wet noises of your lips smacking together echoes in your bedroom and this is exactly how it ends. it has to.
"foul language." caleb says, holding your chin. the lines are blurring until there's nothing left. it's odd. he was your best friend. then he died. then comes back. and obviously, of course, you find yourself trying to stain his memory on your tongue. what if he leaves again? "is there something on your mind? use your words."
"i hate you." you say, so quietly. caleb stops, entirely - he wants to look into your eyes when you say it and he seems entirely broken by what he sees. glassy eyes, tired eyes; your mascara is everywhere and the anger has melted into what seems to be -
sadness.
"i missed you." caleb says shakily and you can't help but look away. you bite your lower lip, and you open your mouth - you want to say it back, you have to say it back - but what if he leaves? what if he disappears? - "say it back, baby, please. didn't you miss me?"
that's what breaks you in half; because you missed caleb. you missed caleb so much that you thought you'd die without him, but you know it's not the same. it can never be the same. he's left such a wound in your heart that you're unsure how you'll ever - ever trust him. he'll only break your heart. he's a liar. the thief of joy.
. . .
caleb stares at your sleeping frame. your breathing, the way the necklace that he gaves you falls on your chest and how you snore - even if it's just a bit. he leans over, barely touching your nose and you're instantly swatting it away.
attagirl.
the diamond twinkles with the soft candlelight and his heart is absolutely content. it took you two a while to get here. a lot of arguments. he hadn't seen this version of you and this new version of him got on your nerves sometimes, but you loved him dearly.
you two got married neither in skyhaven nor linkon city. instead, a secret place just for the two of you. nobody would ever know. you two would never tell a soul.
"why are you awake?" you mumble. too asleep and too alert at the same time. he can't help but smile softly. he knew that you'd take a bit longer to adjust to a year without him - but, if you two had anything it was time.
"just admiring my beautiful wife."
"well, your wife wants you to turn off the candle. go to bed." you grumble and he's chuckling quietly.
"i love you too, beautiful girl."
"goodnight, caleb."
