#imnotbrokenomore

I took a deep breath, watching my breath stain the cold, thin air. “So, what did you want to talk about?” I asked, watching him take a cigarette out, his thumb fighting with the lighter for fire to spring out and pierce it. I’d told him a thousand times how I wished he’d stop smoking, but he seemed to love hurting himself as much as I did. 

The cigarette lit up, and as he was about to bring it to his lips, he sighed. “Are you still in love with me?” I could tell by the way he took the first puff and then looked away at the frozen lake in front of us, that he was trying not to make the question seem as big as it was. 

I frowned, erasing the look on my face with a blank slate. Although to him, I might’ve just looked tired. I shook my head as I turned my body to face him, leaning my head on the tree trunk behind us. 

“No, Theo. I’m not in love with you anymore.” My eyes flickered down to his lips, and when he noticed, he’d offered his cigarette. I didn’t smoke, but I lied, just to extend the fantasy. 

I nodded and took the cigarette, swallowing a cough as I squinted my eyes. 

He looked at me, then back at the lake, focused, as if he was deciding exactly how to word the next thing he said.  

Another sigh escaped his mouth, but it got on me, and made me feel warm. I ignored the fuzziness that blossomed inside me from his body warmth. 

I thought he’d speak, but he didn’t. He watched the trees sway in the wind, and it seemed looking at me was a difficult task for him.

“Why are you asking?” I asked, trying to sound the least bit hopeful I could. It made it harder when he turned to look at me, his blue eyes almost staring through my soul. 

Theo smiled slightly, and stopped smoking. A habit I’d noticed of his, when he was excited to say something. “I met a girl.” His voice was more lively, and way less heavy than it had been just a few moments ago.