#imaginary s2

* * * THE CHARACTERS:

Each crew member is talented brilliant incredible showstopping spectacular, but in the interest of brevity, the characters in the imaginary episodes are going to be:

Ed and Stede → The OTP – Ed and Stede as a couple. Color-coded red so you can follow their arc.

Izzy

The Crew, who begin in Act 1 as three separate crews:  → the Castaways (everybody Ed marooned/tossed overboard at the end of s1) → the Breakup Boat (everybody from canon s2 on the Revenge with Truly Insane Ed → the Girls (introduced below)

THE BOATS:

Most episodes are going to have two plots running, taking place on two ships:

The Revenge

The Pearl Diver (again, below)

Last terminology note: I'm going to be comparing "canon episodes" vs. "imaginary episodes" or "new episodes" a bunch.

Ready? Alright, let's kick it.

* * *

ACT 1 – 2x01-2x03 – TRAUMAAA

Ed + the Breakup Boat: The action on the Revenge remains basically the same, with the torture and the murder-suicides and all the crimes. Stede + the Castaways: I'd cut the Republic of Pirates in 2x01. Instead, I'd start with everyone at sea on the ship that rescued them (which also creates an atmosphere of everyone still being trapped by the awful shit that happened in 1x10). What ship? I think introducing Zheng the historical pirate is a really cool idea, but I also think it's one idea too many. Zheng's objectively cooler and more successful ship is always, implausibly, overshadowed by the lovable misfits on the Revenge, since the Revenge is the workplace that the show is about. This is annoying to me (and probably Zheng). Instead I'd make the rescue ship one of equal goofiness: Mary and Anne's ship. I'll call it the Pearl Diver, just because I can. We can lift the formula from Ed's ship in s1:

s1: gay men // s2: lesbians!

s1 power couple on the ship is Ed+Izzy // s2 is Mary/Anne

s1 crew members who later join Revenge are The Boys, Fang+Ivan // s2 will have the Girls, a surgeon and her competent sailor girlfriend. one of them is a trans woman, I said so

the set is just the Revenge with different props on, lol

Okay, that's our lesbian ship set up. It'll last five episodes and be a very easy foil for the Revenge. Stede: His 2x01-2x02 bit seemed to be "I love Ed, I'll get back to him no matter." I'd push that harder. New s2 will open with Stede as a brave romantic adventurer sallying forth into true love (the same way he was a brave romantic adventurer sallying forth into piracy in s1). So: "I love Ed, I'll get back to him no matter, and the force of our newfound love will be what straightens this all out." The OTP:  Ed and Stede are both hopeless romantics, of course, but they're coming at it from opposing genres. Ed thinks he's the doomed villain in a big-R Romantic novel. Stede thinks he's the little-r romantic hero in a bodice-ripper. Their job in new s2 is to shift ideas of self & genre to meet somewhere in the middle.

ACT 2 – 2x04-2x06 – RECOVERY

I think a lot of what s2 tried in mid-season succeeded, but it didn't really add up to anything. In order to advance Ed and Stede's arc(s), I'd isolate them from the Crew. This gives everyone space to start clearing up the Act 1 wreckage.

(quick 2x03 note:) The major change I'd make here here would be moving the Breakup Boat crew off of the Revenge sometime mid-episode so they can recuperate on the Pearl Diver instead. They get to leave the trauma boat, which gives them and us the audience some breathing room as we transition out of the murder-suicide portion of the season. In the Pearl's infirmary they meet the Girls – surgeon and girlfriend – and reunite with the Castaways. There's a palpable sense of each group feeling isolated from the others.

2x04 – really intense cleanup

Time skip: The Breakup Boat crew have been declared physically recovered enough to start repairing the Revenge (and therefore prepared to grit their teeth and return to the scene of their trauma). The Castaways offer to help; the Girls come along in solidarity with their new friends. The Revenge: (this is also 2x04 in canon) Izzy never left the wrecked ship, is doing Bad. The three separate crews do ship repairs, but then come together as one Crew to declare Izzy their unicorn.

The Pearl Diver: (this story has no equivalent in canon)

Ed: never leaves the Pearl's infirmary, is doing Bad. He's trying to come to grips with the fact that he did all that shit, the kind that his dad and Hornigold used to. Stede: is focused on telling Ed about their true love rather than trying to understand how awful Ed feels, to the point that he's telling his newfound love~ story super loudly to avoid talking about Ed's pain.

The OTP: They have a moment where they stop talking past each other.

Ed hears Stede when he says that he really does love Ed. (Ed doesn't necessarily believe it, but he's willing to listen.)

Stede hears Ed when Ed says he feels trapped worse than ever (though he's weirded out Ed thinks he's a doomed villain). (Stede, our favorite Ed stan, literally doesn't care what Ed did except as far as how Ed feels about it.)

2x05 – letting loose

Time skip! Again, everyone looks slightly less haggard. The Revenge: (this is 2x06 in canon; I've moved it to 2x05) The Crew: have Calypso's birthday, paid for with the treasure they wouldn't throw overboard in 2x01 because it's their treasure and not Ed's, ffs. Joyful, queer, "we're surviving, we're getting through this together." Izzy+Ed: I'm aiming to untangle the shitty parts of their codependency and eliminate Ed's outright domestic abuse. I read canon s2 as Izzy fully untangling himself from Ed and then presenting Ed as a gift to Stede, and I did not like that for anyone. I'm aiming to conclude new s2 with Izzy+Ed acknowledging how bad it was at the end (with a little more emotional insight than they might have been able to do in s1 – maybe this huge event in their lives leads to self-reflection and growth!) and how they could move forward maybe as very complicated friends. Izzy's going to be taking the lead on this one, because the codependency very much ended in Ed doing violence to him. He gets to decide what the fuck happens. So: Izzy: is finally somewhere without Ed, first time in 30 years. Now that he's been unicorn'd (feels supported), he has room to unwind and start discovering what he might like to do. So he does drag. And also sings about his complicated feelings for Ed, come on, Izzy has love for him. In new s2, Izzy still gets to bloom, but he remains closer in personality to his grumpy cunty s1 self, not quite consciously understanding how he's changing. The Pearl Diver: (this is 2x04 in canon; I've moved it to 2x05) The OTP: have the bonkers Mary/Anne dinner party (their f/f co-captain counterparts). They do their awkward exes bit. In canon s2, they see Mary/Anne as "these guys are so weird, wtf"; in new s2, they're more like "these guys are so weird, omg. remember how weird we were last year? that was so fucking great." Conclusions:

Ed and Stede have more in common than they'd feared (since, like, 1x10)

They see they can be dramatic assholes in love like these bitches and that's great.

But also: maybe they need to be less self-centered than "burn down your ship which is your entire livelihood without considering that this might kill your crew." Maybe Mary/Anne rowing off cackling in a boat together (to, say, China) isn't the W they thought it was.

also also: caught up in the adrenaline of understanding they're mad lads, Ed/Stede do the impulsive "taking it too fast" (canon: 2x06) and BONE.

Lastly: The OTP ask to reboard the Revenge now that there's no Pearl Diver, mentioning hopefully that they've learned a lesson. The Crew are not convinced. They maroon Ed/Stede on land at close of ep.

2x06 – restucturing

The Revenge: (this plot is similar to Izzy+Stede's story in canon's 2x05)

Haven't thought of a frame story I like here, honestly. But the point of the episode is that Izzy helps Crew to be better pirates. This does two things:

Izzy's getting a chance to choose to manage people for himself, rather than as Ed's minder or Ed's goon.

Crew are getting competent advice from someone who genuinely gives a shit (Stede or Ed do not fit the bill). This allows them to keep running things in a fairly democratic structure where they do make decisions based on actually, for real, Talking Things Through.

Crew: consider what they're going to do about Ed and Stede – who maybe have had time to sort themselves out a bit? – replete with silly company restructuring metaphors.

Izzy: probably does shirtless swordplay considers how he wants to deal with Ed. Talking to Crew he decides that he, too, can try airing grievances with Ed in workplace metaphors. (It doesn't take much to convince him. Izzy will always love being a professional.)

On Land: (this episode has no equivalent in canon)

The OTP: in true OFMD style, they attend a modern couples retreat that has 18th c trappings. It is run by the straightest dude ever (Steve Carell levels of Kinsey 1 in 18th c khakis).

This dude is obnoxious, but he does remind them to strike a balance between demonstrating their love by talking through their needs (e.g. 2x04 infirmary, 2x05 dinner party) and by taking action (which will always be bonkers for them, like 1x09 act of grace, 2x05 impulsive boning). I'm thinking of it like: Ed/Stede realize they're whim-prone (as in canon 2x04), and also there's this tool nearby.

They're like, hey, actually I really love you, and make out sappily for a while then wonder, bemusedly, why they didn't do that before fucking a bunch. ("but the fucking was still good?" "oh yeah mate, we should definitely always be fucking")

Unfortunately: The retreat ends abruptly when they spot pirate hunters closing in on the B&B and have to make a run for it.

ACT 3 – 2x07-2x08 – RECONCILIATION

I really couldn't tell what canon was going for at season's end, starting from about "Stede kills Lowe" at the end of 2x06. I found a lot of it contradictory and kind of ass-pull-y. Major divergences to follow.

2x07 – reintegration

(this episode is similar to canon episode 2x05)

The Revenge: Having spent 2x06 thinking about what they want to do next, the Crew decide they can take on Stede + Ed on their flight from pirate hunters. Everyone's back on the boat. I'd probably make the frame story here something silly and light-hearted like the Cursed Red Suit. Everyone can mingle in groups that are different from the ones they started out in during Act 1 – permutations of people from the three distinct crews, Stede and Izzy and Ed thrown together with people they haven't seen in a while. These different groups can brainstorm deeply stupid solutions to this probably fake problem. I'd probably make the frame story here something silly and light-hearted like The Cursed Red Suit. Everybody can mingle in different groups and brainstorm deeply stupid solutions to this probably fake problem. Ed/Stede: Crucially, Stede and Ed aren't together in any of these groups. They separate and see everyone and understand that they're not, actually, in charge of Crew anymore. It's weird but okay. They both have to legitimately listen like they've been practicing all season. Ed doesn't apologize but he at least doesn't fuck with anyone, so that's... fine. Izzy+Ed: They haven't seen each other since the murder-suicide farrago in 2x02.

Izzy: "You can do the big gestures but you're a shit captain, Ed. You can't be there on the everyday stuff." (with subtext: you need to give a shit about me all the time, not just when I can be convenient to you.) It's not any kind of forgiveness, and Ed can't offer an apology because he still doesn't understand them. But this is Izzy saying he'll talk to Ed (with more pushback than canon's 2x06 "oh look it's scowly face").

Lastly: This has been a monster of the week ep where the first five minutes were like, there's a problem which will affect us in the future! and then the middle of the episode is, but it's not affecting us right now so let's do interpersonal stuff! Sadly, whoever they dump the Suit on at the end of the episode reminds them the problem still exists: the pirate hunters are worse than they thought. Hornigold is on their trail.

2x08 – IT'S REAL PERSONAL

(this episode has no equivalent in canon.) And here we reach the locus of all my frustrations!

Nose Guy doesn't exist in new s2, so we don't need to blow up the Republic with no foreshadowing as in canon 2x08

Zheng's awesome fleet doesn't exist in new s2. The foreshadowing that she was planning something incredible doesn't have to come to nothing like it did in canon 2x08, when her fleet also blew up with no foreshadowing. (what was that badass montage from canon 2x02 of her crew portaging ships thru the jungle even for ;_;)

Canon s2's sudden decision to make the stakes of the entire season "oh, uh, everyone wants to destroy piracy?" and completely ignore all the interpersonal problems set up in Act 1 – that doesn't happen!

Probably nothing in imaginary s2 will be as intense as 2x01-2x03 were. But new 2x08 will be a claustrophobic, high-pressure situation where everyone will have the resolutions they made in Act 2 tested, in a situation as dangerous as the worst of Act 1.

HERE WE GOOOOO Cold open on the Revenge:

A scene that looks about as bad as Ed's storm in 2x02: Izzy is dead from a headshot, Crew are panicking, Stede is alone and can only shout to Ed that he loves him from far away.

Ed is kitted out as Blackbeard at his worst – makeup and all – and seems ready to, again, blow the whole ship up. Viewer is perhaps worried that Ed has, again, lost it. We balance on the precipice!!

TITLE CARD!

Chronological start of ep:

Wind back the action!

Time skip from 2x07: The Revenge has been running from Hornigold for weeks, hiding themselves in ever smaller spaces as they get jumpier and jumpier about the pursuit. (Think on deck → main cabin → galley → the secret fucking deathbed under the galley.)

Ed, off by himself, is beside himself at the thought of meeting Hornigold for real once more. He failed to kill him all those years ago – what must he do now to solve the problem for good?

Intercut with Hornigold's ship:

Hornigold is chasing them, being a dick in his sumptious cabin. It's light on the action, heavy on letting us know who he is.

He's cruel and violent, like Act 1 Ed, except (a) he's less concerned about covering up his awfulness with charm and (b) he's perfectly open about "I hate this guy I used to own and I want to kill him" (about Ed) in contrast to Act 1 Ed not being able to say anything of the sort about Stede or Izzy.

We already know what kind of evil shit Hornigold used to pull because mostly-dead Ed told us in 2x03, so, you know, good enough.

Ed has to kill himself and also his dad again, lol, we get it

Climactic stuff on the Revenge!

Hornigold catches up to them; there's some fighting or whatever; it leads us up to the cold open. But then it pushes through to: it was all a fuckery!!

(do not ASK me what kind of fuckery. they are hard to write, they are both deeply psychological and incredibly goofy. This is just an outline of a fake season LEAVE ME ALONE)

Ed was a distraction, acting how Hornigold expected him to act! It works: Stede kills Hornigold!

The OTP: The murder addresses how each wants to deal with violence in their respective genres:

Ed, when he did patricide on behalf of someone he loved (mum) got caught up the cycle of dreadful murder and trauma he wanted to escape. And now he sees that he can – he's not the doomed Romantic villain!

Stede, in doing step-patricide on behalf of someone he loves (Ed), commits in a real way to ruthlessly murdering bullies. He's a swashbuckler! He definitely likes it! Finally, he's found a way to express romantic love in a grounded* way. (*by OFMD standards.)

It's a deranged pirate sitcom way of turning their tentative courtship into a healthy adult relationship.

Ed + Izzy:

During the fuckery: Izzy is playing murdered-by-Ed, so he's "dead" on deck (vulnerable) amidst the chaos.

Ed throws himself over Izzy to save him from getting shot.

This doesn't erase all the shitty things Ed did! It's a big gesture instead of an everyday thing, just like Izzy was complaining about! But it's definitely an indicator that Ed would prefer not to drive Izzy to suicide and Ed does, even, ask if Izzy's okay afterwards, checking him over, before someone else points out that Ed got shot.

Lastly:

With final approval from Izzy – after a lengthy pause where Izzy looks at Edward panting and bleeding on the deck – the Crew decide to journey forth to find Super Good Medicine to save Ed.

THERE ARE HINTS THAT s3 MIGHT SHOW US:

Blackbeard's historic raid on Charleston (who is playing Blackbeard at that point? who knows!)

Ed and Izzy working on being weird-ass friends again, but without so much murder-suicide

Stede and Ed finally talking about how they want to spend their life together: what's between retirement and piracy?

This is all pretty okay because new s2 ends in a hopeful place where nobody FUCKING DIED jfc where everyone's grown a bit but, as always, still has room to grow more.