#eddddd

the   truth   .   a   funny   word   .   wasn't   that   what   almost   all   mankind   sought   after   ,   their   whole   lives   ?   the   one   truth   .   or   god   ,   or   justice   ---   or   all   of   the   above   ?   roy   hums   ---   in   a   clear   -   cut   ,   sharp   way   of   announcing   his   own   buffering   .   it   is   funny   ---   doesn't   everyone   ,   in   the   very   end   ,   find   their   very   own   truth   ?   he   supposes   ,   perhaps   not   everyone   .   "   i   can't   decide   ,   what   does   and   what   doesn't   for   you   ,   fullmetal   .   "   palms   lined   up   flatly   against   each   other   ,   roy   plants   his   elbows   on   top   of   his   desk   .   "   what   feels   true   .   .   "   ,   he   repeats   loudly   ---   above   all   slowly   .   in   this   world   ,   instincts   and   intuition   had   saved   him   his   life   ,   not   just   once   .

I'm an Ed-coded bitch primarily interested in Ed and Izzy. relatedly, for me a lot of this season was about mental collapse and having to put yourself back together afterward. Given that 201+202 are my absolute favorites, as the most absurdly horrible breakdowns for my dudes that I never expected to have the privilege to witness – if pressed, I might choose 204 as my favorite putting-yourself-together episode out of the rest of the bunch.

Ed is released from inpatient and the friend who picks him up is unfortunately also the ex whose actions triggered the episode that sent him to the realm of the dead to hospital in the first place

it's a very, very shaky truce between them as they try to sort out what they can mean to each other now, particularly given Stede is one of the few real allies Ed has after his breakdown hurt every other person he knew

... except his friends from his 20s who weren't in the fallout zone, who are great to catch up with. for like a day. even Ed recognizes they are Not healing friends to hang out with right now lmao

Izzy:

finally lets himself collapse fully, the mortal danger to the people he feels responsible for having passed

and it's just fucking miserable. Ed had his rum and rhino binge all summer and now Izzy is just wino-ing around in no less physical and mental pain than before Ed's hospitalization, just... in less immediate physical danger.

because he's not Ed, he's not in care after his suicide attempt. they don't take his belt and his shoelaces. they let him roam drinking and banging into walls and screaming at no one

until Izzy literally physically collapses in front of them in the middle of the sentence "that'll teach him to do his fucking job." like, watch that scene again: it's on the word "job." that's it, that's the linchpin for him, he now has no leg to stand on

they fucking make him a new leg. it's the unicorn episode. they see that he's hurting and they team up to help him do PT and coax him out of his room for meals. it might be the most touching thing all season: he wants to be dead, still, and they say: no. hold our hands.

pirate comedy Our Flag Means Death got me in the solar plexus this week with the absolutely truest substance-user thing Ed did:

the absolute SURETY you get when you're like "oh, well, I quit using, obviously that means I have fixed my entire life"

and of course, it's a repeated gesture! you keep quitting cold turkey and immediately relapsing because THAT'S HOW YOUR BRAIN IS and there's other shit at work!! MY MAN, my precious, mine own Ed, you already pulled this in 1x10!!!

.................

what's up guys, I finally finished my fic about Ed being EXTREMELY MENTALLY UNWELL on the breakup boat

full fathom five – Ed & Izzy, 3400 words, gen